What the Future Holds [Jenno]

[Mara]

[...from Coming to Terms]


Xierra Zalq was back on Taris, having spent the good part of the previous day on Gargon, trying to deal with everything that had happened recently at Rhen Var. She had come across some other Jedi, other Blades members, and they had had a good conversation. Some things she had agreed with, others she hadn't, but all in all, the company had been calming for her. Though she had fled to the jungles of the planet for some peace and quiet with just her and her thoughts, it had been nice to voice her feelings out loud to hearing ears, and not just out loud to the jungle creatures, hoping that her old master, now passed on, would visit her once again with some wisdom.

But now she was back, and ready to officially deal with anything. Though her heart and mind were still unsettled, the other Jedi had started the healing process with their words, some kind, some harsh, all necessary. It was time for the Falleen Knight to formally ask what was to become of her...and her padawan, Zorn.

As she walked to the quarters that she knew Master Took was using after they had retreated back to Taris after the debacle that was Rhen Var, multiple things flashed through her mind. She wondered if she would reprimanded in some way for losing her padawan, letting him out of her sight. Xierra had no idea for certain if he was still alive. It had been painful to leave without knowing for sure. Or perhaps she would be sent on a fool's errand back to the icy world to look for him until she had some proof of his existence of lack of. A dangerous possibility but still a possibility in her mind.

Or--and this was the one that stayed with her the most--or maybe she would just be told to stay a single knight, and that her teaching services were no longer required. This was a decision she was prepared to deal with, herself no longer thinking she was fit to be a young Jedi's master. Before, she had always thought she worked better alone anyway, or with other Jedi of equal rank. But this was war... and the more Jedi they had, the better. Yes, Xierra had no idea what she would expect from this meeting.

She had never before truly met Master Vreem Took. Of course, he had been the one to send her and her reinforcements to Rhen Var, but that had been through ship communications, rather impersonal. And then later at the briefings upon returning to Taris, he had been there, speaking at the front to all the survivors. But this time, it would just be him and her in a room. She thought she should be nervous, but she had spent time with the Grandmaster himself, and Master Took would be no different. No, she was more nervous of what he would say to her, than the actual physical meeting.

Her heart pounded as she got closer. She tried to piece together what she would say. Obviously he would know of her padawan loss, as he would of all the losses, but it would come to her to officially explain everything. And then let him decide what would be next for her. She took a deep breath and dove into the Force, trying to wash away any nervousness. This would just be like a briefing; she would give the details of the situation, and he would respond. Simple as that...

If only it would be that simple. But Xierra no longer had any time to think about the future. It was already there, in front of her. She rapped on the door to wait admittance, standing there quietly in her Jedi robes, her black hair worn loose around her shoulders without being tied back as was her norm, her two lightsabers clipped to her belt. She could have called out her name, to acknowledge that she had arrived, but this was a scheduled meeting. He would know it was here, from his datebook and from the Force. And in a few minutes, her fate, her future would be decided.

[Jenno]

Rhen Var was done with, that nightmare was over for now. And yet, the repercussions of that battle were still pounding his brain now. Vreem Took, member of the High Council and Jedi Lord sat within the quarters he had claimed for himself once he had a few moments to himself. Since their return there had been a lot for him to do, reallocating resources and supplies to forces that were damaged or had crew that were injured. Not to mention organising transporting those who required much more vigorous medical attention to nearby facilities that would be able to adequately support the numbers.

Then, of course, there was the transport of the dead. There were not many bodies, but that was because most were either lost to the vacuum of space or still no doubt littered the floors of what remained of the Jedi Temple on Rhen Var. War certainly was bleak. The Jedi Master had not thought otherwise, but when the realisation of the extent and depth to which he, as Jedi Lord, would have to deal with these issues finally hit him, it still took him by surprise.

He would have to continue on, regardless of the events that had come upon them. This had just been the first battle. If Vreem remained on this path, there would most certainly be many more awaiting them. He’d have to shoulder his feelings for the time being, the position of leadership require that he appear strong and confident to soldiers, commanders and Jedi alike. He had a meeting upon him soon, with one of the Order, a member of The Blades who had been upon Rhen Var. It seemed as though she had been unable to find her padawan during the battle and his name had not registered on any of the ships that had made it away from the planet, certainly a situation that would leave someone in great distress. The most likely answer was that he had been killed upon the battlefield, a sad but true insight into the likelihood of events. However, the Force was mysterious and the padawan could very well still be alive.

But it seemed that Jedi Knight Xierra Zalq wished to talk the issue through with him, perhaps to gain his insight on the matter. It was a typical practice for the Jedi to talk another of the Order about the issues which clouded their minds, though Vreem was scarcely a practitioner of that particular art. In his role as an instructor, Jedi Master and High Council Member it had become a increasingly frequent spectacle for him to talk to younger members of the Order and counsel them.

As he waited, there was not much he could do to prepare before the meeting with the Jedi Knight, Vreem sat meditating, he would have to collect his thoughts and words for the Council meeting that awaited him back on Coruscant. There was much to tell those peers of his who had seemed sceptical that the Sith had returned, now they had solid proof. Perhaps with the events that had unravelled, the Council might look to take a more active role in this war, Vreem could certainly use more Jedi to position across the galaxy.

With a sound at the door, Vreem gently glided out of his meditation, uncrossed his legs and eased himself to his feet with the clanking of his armour. Moving over to the door, he slid his hand over the panel and pressed a few buttons. After a few bleeps and flashes from the control panel, the door hissed open. Vreem stood with a soft, gentle smile as he looked to the Knight. With a courteous bow of his head he welcomed her, “greetings Xierra Zalq, please come inside and take a seat.” He stepped aside, gesturing for her to enter, there was a small table where they could sit and discuss the issue she had come to him with.

As he quickly prepared a few refreshments, placed them upon the table and then sat down across from the Jedi Knight. His expression was still soft as he spoke again. “What is it you wish to discuss or talk about Xierra?” All thoughts of his own worries and troubles for the future were put aside for now, he had temporarily tamed his emotions, now it was time to focus upon the Jedi Knight before him.

[Mara]

Luckily for her, she hadn't had much more time to stand there, stewing in her thoughts. Wondering what would become of her, of her future. What would be done about the loss of her padawan, dead or alive and missing. If she would be told to just go back to fighting without any more focus on teaching for a while. Or to go looking for proof of her padawan's demise, or even to replace him. Xierra personally hoped of the former, not wanting, needing, feeling up to the task of another padawan, not now. Fortunately, the thoughts were hidden as quickly as they had come; it was time.

With a whoosh, the door slid open in front of her, and there was no more time for theories and contemplations. It was time to get down to business. She nodded at Master Took's words after she also bowed her head to him briefly before entering at his bequest. "Thank you." were the only words she uttered. Right now, nothing else seemed appropriate. And honestly, the only ones she could utter without her voice breaking.

Xierra took a deep breath as she quickly seated herself at the small table, reminding herself that she was not in trouble as she waited for Master Took to join her, trying to keep her skin and pheromones under control. This was nothing serious. He was not the leader of the Blades; he was only a fellow Jedi. They would only be talking about a matter. Except, it would not be the weather they'd be discussing or perhaps battle strategy. It would be her future. And he really was more than just another Jedi.

Pulling the Force towards her to aid in calming her emotions, her skin resolving to its natural hue, Xierra started feeling better. At least well enough to be able to express herself without faltering. Perhaps, with the Force at her side, she'd make it through this without further damage to her emotions. Accepting the drink with a smile, she took a sip, letting it coat her throat, further relaxing her before turning to Master Took.

She paused, taking her time to word her worries properly. How to bring up everything that had been roiling through her mind since leaving Rhen Var? After another deep breath and a sip of drink, trusting her words to the Force, she started, faltering here and there, but still speaking with clarity. "Master, I--I hoped you could offer guidance. After Rhen Var, I feel... lost. Meditation and time spent here on Taris with the others has helped, of course, but my path appears cloudy to me for the first time in many years. And my padawan..." Here, she had trouble and turned to the glass in front of her for another sip that turned into a gulp. Involuntarily her grayish green skin changed, darkening to a bluish dark gray. With no tears to shed, she displayed her sadness differently. Xierra looked back up into Master Took's eyes and continued, softly, "I fear he's been lost."

[Jenno]

Vreem looked on with concern, the kind which could not be faked. It was if he was at the Jedi Temple again, serving the Order through the guidance of those younger than he. Life was a lesson and it was down to those older to ease the younger through what they had learned. As Xierra’s skin grew darker, the Jedi Master no longer needed to use the Force to witness her conflict at the loss of her padawan. He searched for words, finding the right ones was never guaranteed.

“Be wary of your feelings Xierra. During a time of darkness such as this, fear can all too easily turn you into one of the creatures you have chosen to oppose. It is important that you remember your training. You must be one with the Force, open yourself to it. Master and apprentice share a bond that is unlike any other, the Force will let you know if there is hope of his life. If so, trust that your roads will one day lead you back to one another, whether it is through your own conviction to search, or the natural direction in which the future takes you. If you can clear your mind, put faith in what you have been taught and what you know, the answers will come to you.”

He reached forward with a sense of calm and took a drink, sipping on it slightly before returning it to the table.

“Rhen Var is but an example of what is to come. This war shall not be easy, the Sith are cunning and ruthless beings. I would understand if you wished to return to the temple, to find your answers away from the battlegrounds. We need to be resolute in our conviction when it comes to this conflict. Any wavering thought is but a tool for the Sith to use against you, and they will use it. All of us faced many demons upon the surface of Rhen Var. Talk of war does nothing to prepare one for the reality of it. And this is only the beginning. We must put our trust in one another and in the Force if we are to overcome the hardships that await us.”

He adjusted the bracer upon his arm as he brought his hands together. He allowed himself these pauses so that Xierra would be able to carefully absorb his advice.

“You are strong, Xierra Zalq, a Knight of the Jedi Order. You have experienced much to get to where you are now. You must remember all you have learned and allow those teachings to guide you throughout the war, and remain forever a stout follower of the light. We are an Order of faith and dedication; those basic principles should continue to guide you as a Knight as they did when you were a padawan and a youngling, as they still do for me now. Remember who you are and what you stand for.”

He smiled reassuringly to her. Loss and sadness caused the heart to stray from the path of the Jedi, even if unintentionally. The ability to reaffirm one’s faith in their teachings would often allow a Jedi Knight to return to their rightful path. He took up his drink once more and drank, this time allowing it to remain in his hand.

“Do you think my words may help you at all, Xierra, or is there more you wish to discuss?” He had returned to his old ways, the kind, reassuring mentor who always made it his duty to help the members of the Order that he could. It was as if he’d never donned that armour. But it sat heavy on him.

[Mara]

She continued to look at Master Took, waiting for what he would say, her mind going through a dozen options. Her skin continued to look dark and lifeless as she was using all of her control just to remain sitting there and ready to focus on the master’s words. The hue of neither her skin, nor her pheromones was her top priority at the moment. Xierra was not here for a beauty pageant and didn’t care how she looked. She needed to know what her next steps were, something she had always been able to discern with her former master’s help, with the Force. But now she just needed someone to tell her what to do.

But of course, Xierra should have known that the man sitting across from her would not give her a simple order, a command. Even if he had wanted to or knew which one to give, it would not be what she needed to hear. He was a Jedi as she was. And like her own master, the Jedi so liked to speak in puzzles, rarely giving clear advice. It probably had been a hopeless task to come here to talk to Master Took about her future, but she hadn’t known what else to do. Time spent alone meditating only did so much. But even if he didn’t offer her a certain next step, the visit wouldn’t be entirely lost; she had also come to discuss the whereabouts of her padawan. Though he most certainly already knew, she felt she should do it officially.

That would have to wait, though, as he began speaking to her, referencing her spoken fear in her statement, not her feelings of uncertainty. She nodded as she took in his words, knowing full well of the teachings that had been drilled in her almost since she had come to the Temple at Corsucant. The Jedi Code was stenciled inside her mind. Xierra didn’t even dwell on the fact that she hadn’t meant with her statement that she was actually afraid Zorn might be dead. Because even if she hadn’t at the moment she spoke, the word had come out, her subconscious breaking through with what she really thought. Maybe she was actually fearful of the state of her padawan; afraid about what had happened to him, about what it said about herself as his teacher, about what her punishment, if any, might be. Master Took was right; she had allowed fear to cloud her mind, even if it was only in the background.

It might be a long shot that Zorn would ever return to her, but as the master said, they had shared a bond, the young Zabrak padawan and the Falleen master. Though their time together had been short, they had melded somewhat in that time. But she could not wallow in her sorrow, wondering about him. She had to trust in the Force that someday, if it was meant to be, he would return to her. Xierra knew now that she had to move on with her life. Going back to Rhen Var, scouring the galaxy for her lost padawan would accomplish nothing. The realization of such almost startled her, so surprising it was. She had to go on, never removing Zorn from her heart, but not mourning over him either. Not letting her fear of the unknown distort her actions.

Xierra’s now-gray hands closed around her glass, not able to drink, not able to move, really. Her entire attention was on Master Took. She probably wouldn’t get another chance like this in quite a while, the chance to hear advice from one of the wisest Jedi. No longer did she feel this was a simple meeting to discuss what had happened to Zorn, to ask his advice on how next she should proceed. It was like a lesson back at the Temple, but instead of Master Revisc in front of her, it was Master Took. Perhaps this was all she needed to set her straight again. To jolt her out of her funk and put her back on the path she should have never strayed from all along.

He spoke of Rhen Var, of the possibility she may wish to return to Coruscant. Her dark eyes still looking into Master Took’s but not really seeing them, she considered this. It would be easy to just disregard everything and claim she needed some rest before returning into battle. She had most likely lost her padawan, and no Jedi would begrudge her the need for some space far from the action. If she couldn’t get a hold of her fear, she would be effectively useless on the battlefield. Still, sometimes when she least expected it, images of her duel with the Sith back on the icy world would come to her, just another example of her succumbing to fear. Xierra had survived that, yes, but not without help. Without the will of the Force. Just as she was not alone in having been personally faced with loss, she was not alone in what had transpired on the battlefield. As Master Took said, many, if not all, had faced some sort of demon, whether real or personal. No, she was resolute; she could not just hide herself away on Coruscant while the rest of them fought. She would get herself sorted out and return to action as soon as she could.

Though not entirely necessary, now that she thought she had figured at least some things out for herself, Xierra embraced the words of confidence he spoke about her. A small smile even escaped her face, her skin involuntarily defaulting back to its usual hue. He encouraged her, saying she had the strength to move on. Xierra just had to allow herself to immerse into her teachings, into the Force, and move on into her future without her padawan. She still wasn’t entirely sure where her path would be leading her, but she knew which path it was. If she just took a few steps, she would find her goal eventually. Shoving away her fear, thoughts of Rhen Var, sadness over her padawan, she could begin to put herself back together into what she had been before the battle.

“Yes, thank you.” She was surprised at her answer. Surprised that his words had helped her. Not that they had helped at all, but that they had struck a chord within her so soon. Xierra had expected a long drawn out meeting with Master Took, going over her grief about her padawan, asking and re-asking for advice on what to do. But just listening to his words and taking them to heart, she had solved what she could on her own. The rest she would still have to work on. It would take time, but she would get there. The Falleen felt as though a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. There was still a pressure there, but it had lessened. “No, I—I think perhaps some meditation alone is what I need to sort out a few more things. Your words have helped a great deal.” She smiled again in thankfulness and finally returned to her drink for another sip. Despite having figured out her next step, if not steps yet, still she remained seated. Xierra felt relieved now, but wasn’t sure if the master was done speaking to her.