For Now, Goodbye

[Lemur, The Kool-Aid Guy]

It was in the dark predawn hours when Sherasti Rin woke, raised herself from her bed, and dressed with a sense of purpose. It was an important day planned ahead. The day a team of Jedi would leave to the Sith world of Vjun on a rescue mission. A rescue mission she would be a part of.

She wasn’t the greatest duelist in the Order, and she was no warrior. But she was dedicated, and she knew the captive. Councilor Kaiven Te’Baas. A man on very good terms with her master, and as such someone she also felt a certain loyalty to. And every bit of help would come in handy for the mission. Even if she played a small role, she would be playing a role. And hopefully she could make some kind of positive contribution.

Her swordsmanship was adequate to defend her, and her telepathy might prove useful. She could relay important information through her mind with enough concentration. Maybe that ability would be useful for coordinating without comm. links. Regardless, she was going to find a way to be useful.

The Togruta pulled on her usual attire, a simplistic yet ornamental skirt on her lower half, and typical Jedi robes on her upper body in the same color. Then there was her belt, her ceremonial Togruta sash, and her lightsaber. Over it all went the coarse brown outer robe.

But there was one notable absence in her wardrobe. Shoes. Her feet were bare. It was the norm for her species, most Togrutas believed shoes lessened their connection to whatever land they walked on. They preferred to go without, and Sherasti was no exception. She’d tried wearing boots once. They felt suffocating, and constricting. She preferred to feel the texture of whatever she walked on. Nothing quite felt the same. Each type of surface, each season, and each time of day had its own unique feel. Warm grass on a summer afternoon. The chill and hard soil of winter. And of course, the smooth marble floors and soft carpets to be found in the Temple. Reassuring, solid, peaceful even.

At the moment, the floor below her felt smooth and cold in the early morning, making her glad her brown robe was wrapped around her to guard against the slight chill.

She was doing well though. Very well. Her side had healed fully from her first mission with Xell, when she'd almost died. He'd saved her life then. And he'd been with her every step of the way in her recovery. Now her strength was back, and she was ready to do her part.

She’d warned Xell yesterday that she would be leaving soon to do something important, but she hadn’t told her Padawan precisely when. She wasn’t allowed to, it was a secret known only to those carrying out the mission.

She regretted it yes; the Jedi Knight didn’t believe in secrets between herself and her Padawan. But this matter was beyond her control. He’d understand. Or at least she hoped he would when their daily session of meditation together came and went without her. A pang of guilt shot through her, and she wondered if she was being derelict in her duties.

No, as a Jedi she had other and greater loyalties. It was larger than her own wishes. They had to conduct a rescue mission. For the sake of the Order, they couldn’t just leave a Councilor in his captivity. She’d apologize to Xell later when she returned and-

The Togruta paused in the corridor outside her quarters and stared down the hall, verifying with her eyes the presence she’d just felt.

“Xell?” She asked incredulously at the sight of her Padawan sitting against the wall. Sherasti closed the distance between her and the young human swiftly, looking at him with a surprised expression on her red face. How long had he been there waiting for her? And how had he known? Surely she hadn’t been that obvious… But here he was, obviously waiting for her. As if he’d known she’d be leaving that morning. Certainly he’d never lurked outside her room before.
“What are you doing here?”

[ninjabot]

Xell paced back and forth in the hallway as words bounced around in his skull. Most of them were questions. The rest were failed attempts at trying to think up a way to convince Master Rin to take him along with her. He couldn't place a finger on it, but he had a bad feeling. After their first mission together, Xell's attachment to her had strengthened, as did his protective nature, and he didn't want her taking any unnecessary risks. And the necessary ones needed to be taken cautiously.

The padawan understood that Master Rin made the rules, and she was more knowledgeable than he, so he should trust her decisions. But he also knew that they were both partners and he had to do as much to protect her as she did for him. Still... there was more to it than that. There was only so much he could do to show Sherasti what she meant to him as a master. As a friend. As something more. Protecting her was the one that he felt went further to get his point across.

Sherasti was a Jedi Knight. Danger was a part of the job description. And that was enough reason for him to want to be around her all the time. To make sure the job didn't get to her... or take her away from him.

"Xell?"

Sherasti had seen him leaning against the wall adgacent her door in the corridor. Xell smiled and approached her as she continued walking forward. He took a deep breath and released it as he prepared t oown up to what he was doing.

"What are you doing here?"

Be honest, but don't scare her. You trust her skill, but want to be sure she's protected. You want to help. That's all.

Xell swallowed hard and looked up in into his master's eyes.

"Well... I couldn't sleep. And I'd already packed my things for your mission, so I decided I'd wait for you. You know. Get a heads up on where we're going, how long we'll be gone... and most importantly, how dangerous it is."

Well, he had certainly screwed the aak pooch on that one.
Xell stammered and cleared his throat while stepping closer to Sherasti. Close enough that passersby would likely stare and get the right idea. Or wrong idea in Sherasti's mind.

"I mean, I just... I want to help. I would never forgive myself if something happened to you while I was away. I don't claim to be some unstoppable swordsman or anything but... it would set me at ease just knowing I could attempt to protect you."
Xell let his words sink in. He even tilted his head forward as le looked into her eyes as if he were deliberately attempting to drive home a hidden meaning.

"So... let me come with you master. Please."

[Lemur, The Kool-Aid Guy]

It was rather sweet that Xell was concerned. And more than a little surprising that he'd caught on to when she was leaving despite her intentionally vague wording. She simply couldn't tell him the reason. And if she had, his worrying would have been even more severe. But by the same token, she couldn't just lie to him.

She sighed.

This put her in such an awkward position. It hurt to tell him no, but she couldn't bring him along. Vjun was no place for a Padawan. Even she was in a much more limited combat role. Her role as a telepath was far more important than her saber. She could communicate information without comm links.

She would have liked his company. But she couldn't risk his life. It was her responsibility to see his training was done in safety, so that he could become a Knight like she was. Perhaps if she'd been a Guardian she would have felt more at ease with the idea of bringing him along. But she'd have to know, truly know, that she was capable of protecting him.

And against the Sith, she could make no guarantee.

Like it or not, Xell had to stay behind. It was for his own good, not just for Sherasti's ease of mind.

"I appreciate your concern Xell, but this is something I have to do. And something you can't follow me on. I- I think its sweet you want to protect me, and I don't want you to ever change that about you. But you can't always be around, and even if you were there's no guarantee you would be able to protect me."

The Togruta Knight hovered at the same close distance Xell had come to her, not feeling the need to step back. She could almost feel the heat of him reaching her through the chilled air. Or perhaps it was just imagination that produced the phantom sensation in her lekku. Regardless, she was at ease with him.

"I'm sorry Xell, but you can't come with me. Not this time."

[ninjabot]

Xell shook his head and stepped closer still. "You don't have to protect me! I showed that could do what needs to be done to take care of myself. And to take care of you. I can do it again! I just... I just..."

Xell shook his head and choked down the flow of words that were about to erupt from his mouth, as they were likely to just make things worse. Sherasti would blush from the attention he would bring on from his whining. And crying. Still he had to try.

"Who's gonna take care of your thimiar while you're there? You can't eat the same rations they'll have. I mean you can, but I know you don't like them! Snowball and Midnight don't get along. And Princess is pregnant. And Fuzzykins likely won't make the trip, he looks sick."

He had yet to tell Sherasti that he had named each thimiar, despite them being the ones there for her to eat. He was grasping for straws with his reasoning to come with her though.

"And what about your injury? Is it healed all the way? Your arm puts you at a natural disadvantage from the beginning. Aren't you worried you'll drag them down? I mean, if I was there I know that I wouldn't bring you down, I'd compliment your strengths! You'd be the brains, and I'd be the muscle."

Xell knew he was arguing in vain, but he just couldn't shake the fear he felt. He let his head hang low as he looked straight down at the floor. The somber jedi shook his head back and forth slowly as he took a deep breath and returned his gaze to his master's eyes. His hand clasped hold of hers.

"I don't want to lose you master. What if... what if this is the last time we ever see eachother? What if I never get to talk to you again?" asked Xell.

[Lemur, The Kool-Aid Guy]

A wry smile appeared on Sherasti's graceful face as her exuberant Padawan revealed he'd named every single one of her thimiars. She kept the small rodents of the Togruta homeworld as food, generally eating one a day mixed with more conventional meals.

It wasn't surprising that he'd named them all. He'd taken one of meals for a pet, naming it 'Timmy.' The creature didn't like her in the slightest bit. To be honest, it didn't behave correctly at all. It seemed to have forgotten it was a prey animal.

She was tempted to simply give him the rest of the thimiars and pick them up one at a time solely at mealtimes, if not for the fact she knew the kind-hearted Xell would soon be overrun by thimiars. They were pests, even if they were adorable by human standards. Certainly they weren't by Togruta standards.

Sherasti Rin's violet eyes seemed to soften a little. She was beyond her initial stupefied reaction to his unexpected presence, and past her quiet scolding for his doubts. Those had been replaced with a genuine appreciation for Xell Rayner’s gentle worry.

He was half-right about her left arm. Ever since it had been shattered as a Padawan, it was weak. It was the reason she practiced Makashi, because it only needed one arm. But she addressed that weakness, and compensated for it.

Still, Xell could be so… so sweet at times. He had a kind heart, and he genuinely cared for her. She was more than just another pretty face to him. And in her own way she cared for him too. He was more than just her student, he was like family to her. Sometimes he even seemed to be an extension of her very mind. But he was still independent with a will and strengths of his own that seemed to balance her and still overlap with her own abilities. They meshed on some sort of base level, in a fundamental way that was impossible to explain. They simply cliqued.

He worried about her. And it touched her heart.


"I don't want to lose you master. What if... what if this is the last time we ever see eachother? What if I never get to talk to you again?"

She looked down at his hand, wrapped around hers, warm in the chill morning. She squeezed it back. Then with her free hand, Sherasti held up a single finger, gesturing Xell to silence, before slowly leaning over and placing her lips to his cheek.

She kissed him there, softly and very gently. The contact was so slight as to be almost non-existent. But it was reassuring. Nothing else stated quite so fully that everything would be all right.

After a long moment, the Togruta pulled away from him and placed a red hand on his shoulder. “I’ll be careful Xell. I promise. We'll see each other again soon.”

[ninjabot]

Xell's face burned hotter than a set of starship thrusters as he stared, wide eyed and dumbfounded at Sherasti as she placed her hand on his shoulder. It was a tiny insignificant thing to her most likely, but to him it was a pay off to all the hard work he put forth to earn her affection. His mouth opened and words wouldn't come.

“I’ll be careful Xell. I promise. We'll see each other again soon.”

Xell placed a hand on his shoulder, over his master's hand and closed his mouth. His eyes didn't move from her gaze though.

"You promised. I won't forget that. And I'll hold you to that. he said sternly. His hand clenched a little before he let go and rested it at his side again. A deep breath, and then a sigh flowed past his full lips. He then nodded, as if to give her the approval she waited for. His face still burned like fire even as she left.

Don't blame yourself pup. If you were equal in strength to her she'd likely leave you behind anyway to keep up appearances. Jedi Masters can't bare the thought of sending children to the slaughter, no matter how capable.

I'm no child.

Tell that to the higher-ups. Though... you know what you've gotta do now, right?

...

That's right. Train. Get stronger. Don't give her any reason to leave you behind. I mean sure, she's a knight. She can take care of herself. But you won't be satisfied with that will you?

...

I thought not.

Sometimes Xell's inner monologues with the memory of Master Orren were so realistic he felt as if he were standing behind him, admonishing him as he used to. This was one of those times. The boy turned to head to the training grounds but as he spun on his heel he stopped to look back one last time. Another deep breath and he had finally gained the resolve to let go and focus on his daily training.

An hour later...

In the training room Xell worked up a sweat and only halted when he felt a rumbling in the ground. A ship was taking off. The padawan whiped his brow and continued his training even harder, hoping to choke back his emotions with physical pain from his excersises.

I'll be a different jedi when we next meet master. I promise.