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Nov 15, 2012 22:43:31 GMT -5
Post by Lemur, The Kool-Aid Guy on Nov 15, 2012 22:43:31 GMT -5
Ervisa squeezed her eyes tight shut as Horst ran his fingers through the glossy black hair on her head. She could hear his breathing with her face buried against his chest, and could feel the beating of his heart. She could even sense him, feel his unique presence in the Force.
For a moment, she stopped existing, and she poured herself into his aura, allowing it to fill her up. For just a short while she felt the whole of the world was the union of her mind with his sense, with the intangible essence he had.
Then her tears subsided and she gently pulled away, unsure what to say. Her nagging doubts reemerged and she wondered if she hadn't just made an awful mistake. She was not looking forward to the day where she hurt him, or more accurately the days. It wasn't going to be all sunshine and roses.
Mercifully the L word hadn't shown up in their conversation. Ervisa wasn't sure what to do if she admitted someone loved her, or if she said she loved someone else. Since her one abortive experience with that emotion, she'd hidden from it, banishing it away and replacing it with its lesser cousin lust.
This was... Just a little different, not quite love. It was a relationship, but it wasn't going to be so possessive or exclusive now, was it? Ervisa had to be free, and she couldn't just chain herself down. Not yet, not while she still had years left in her prime.
The Mirialan dabbed at her eyes with the napkin on the table and got herself under control, settling into a sense of resolve, resolve that she'd still be her own person, and she'd still live her own life. She'd just share more of it, and if it was ever taken away...
Then there was her fall-back plan of prison.
"What does this mean Horst, for us?" Ervisa asked tentatively. "Are you going to come with me, or am I coming with you? I just don't know anymore."
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Fromikeable
Keeper Of The Techxts
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...and I'm comin'! *guitar riff*
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Nov 16, 2012 21:50:25 GMT -5
Post by Fromikeable on Nov 16, 2012 21:50:25 GMT -5
For some reason, the lines between Ervisa and Horst seemed to blur a little for a minute there. The experience was alarming to Horst, but at the same time the Engineer couldn't help but wish that it had lasted longer. It was weird, mystical, unnatural, wrong...
... but just so close to someone that he didn't really care. Horst hadn't been that physically close to someone without trying to hit them in a long time, and it made him realize just little he knew about actually having a relationship. What was he supposed to do now? Did he just go back to normal? Did he have to be careful now?
Ervisa moved to break the hug, and Horst let her, still shivering a little. He stared out the window; the sun had set, and now the lights of the city stretched out onto the water, but only so far out as the city was tall.
Beyond there, it was a clear sea.
Ervisa asked him something, breaking him out of his daze. That prompted a quick "Huh?" before he could register what she had said, followed by "Oh... uh..."
Horst had no idea what to do now. His initial plan in coming to Taris had been simple; find Ervisa, get slapped, leave Taris and head on back to Oatara (where he'd probably get slapped some more).
Now, however, the plan had a rather large block, in that Ervisa hadn't slapped him. ... so... what now?
"... I haven't got a clue." It sounded stupid, but again, Horst preferred being honest. Part of it was just him trying to be a decent guy, and the other half was him honestly being a little too amazed at the moment to think of something else to say. What am I gettin' myself into?
"... what do ya' think about goin' back?" He asked with a sort of curiosity, as if he was trying to make up his mind. Why shouldn't they go back? Spearpoint was a decent living, maybe a little dangerous, but overall they'd both be safe there at least.
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last online Apr 19, 2013 18:45:53 GMT -5
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Nov 16, 2012 22:27:05 GMT -5
Post by Lemur, The Kool-Aid Guy on Nov 16, 2012 22:27:05 GMT -5
Unfortunately, Horst had no more of an idea where to go next than Ervisa. They were like two blind people trying to find their way around an empty gymnasium, unable to tell what to do or where to go next. It wasn't exactly a feeling Ervisa relished, but since when had she had control in her life anyway?
He did ask her about going back, which didn't really surprise her.
To be fair though, the Supreme Chancellor could walk into the Diner and declare her to be the newest member of the cabinet and she wouldn't so much as bat an eye.
The Mirialan woman recovered her cigarette and started smoking again as she weighed her answer. Her deliberations didn't last long before she threw them out the window and decided to just think as she talked.
"I don't know if I can go back," Ervisa said wearily.
She pulled out a menu and started to look through it absentmindedly, not wanting to make eye contact now, feeling awkward deep down, genuinely unsure of what was going on.
"I ruined everything back there, if I come back everyone's going to know and nothing will be the same. I can't pretend it just didn't happen. I..."
Ervisa breathed deep of her cigarette, feeling the acrid smoke in her throat and her lungs before letting it out slowly. She wasn't relishing this part, the explanation, the embellishment. It would have been so much easier if they'd just banged each other on the table and figured shiz out later.
"I ran away for a reason. I wanted a fresh start."
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Fromikeable
Keeper Of The Techxts
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...and I'm comin'! *guitar riff*
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last online Jun 22, 2023 19:35:57 GMT -5
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Nov 17, 2012 1:26:29 GMT -5
Post by Fromikeable on Nov 17, 2012 1:26:29 GMT -5
"Don't ya' worry about those clowns. Anyone of 'em nag ya' and I swear ta' the-" Horst managed to stop himself there, noticing that once again he was speaking like a possessive ass. Couldn't he learn anything?! What was his skull made of anyway, the same stuff as his tongue?!
Horst crossed his arms, thinking for a change. His face contorted with focus, but his stomach still felt like it was stuck in a gyroscope, twisting and flipping like someone was dribbling it. Horst felt like he would throw up; he was unqualified, inexperienced, and beyond those two hopelessly lost in scenarios like these, and the fact that Ervisa didn't seem to know much better wasn't helping him relax.
So when she made her claims, he spoke instinctively.
"What I meant was that... uh... we can go back. People are gonna' look at us funny for the next few weeks- hell, months probably. But we can go back." He nodded; yes, that sounded right. Spearpoint couldn't do without one of its greatest pilots and one of its best field commanders, or at least that was what Horst liked to think. In reality it could probably move on by this point; Ethan's crew had grown into a full-fledged miniature army, and armies weren't as easily put down as individuals.
"Ya' don't have ta' leave it just 'cause we messed up Ervi. If ya' do that, ya're gonna' be runnin' away a whole helluva' lot more." He nodded to himself, again affirming that he meant what he said. Horst Stellar was back in the building, even if he was a little... "unsure" of his new relationship.
But girlfriend or no, it was still the same old soldier.
"'Sides, what else are we gonna' do with ourselves?" That one made him grin a little. If there was one thing in the galaxy Horst could do, it was be a soldier.
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last online Apr 19, 2013 18:45:53 GMT -5
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Nov 17, 2012 1:41:53 GMT -5
Post by Lemur, The Kool-Aid Guy on Nov 17, 2012 1:41:53 GMT -5
"I've been running away for seven years," Ervisa said as she angrily stubbed out her cigarette on the table and dropped it on the floor below. She wasn't proud of that fact, but the idea that she would be running away a lot was hardly foreign.
"Let's get real, running away is the one thing I'm really great at. I can fly, I can fight, but when it comes right down to it I can run away a hell of a lot better."
Ervisa sighed deeply as she continued her little revelation-fest, spilling the beans like she'd never spilled before. Since pretty much everything was out on the table, there really wasn't that much left to hide, and very little reason to do so.
"Doesn't matter whether I run away physically or I just get drunk or stoned, I'm still running away from my problems. It's the only frakking way I can cope."
The Mirialan woman thought back on her childhood and all the hopes and aspirations she'd had, her dreams of success and nobility, her goal of becoming a wise and powerful Jedi Master, and maybe even sitting on the Council... It made her just want to weep.
"I have too damn many wasted dreams. None of this should have happened. This isn't the life I was supposed to have, none of this is right. I feel like I'm in a damn dream, like any minute I'm going to wake up in the Jedi Temple..."
Ervisa put both hands on her head and drooped over onto the table like a wilted flower.
"And Bola is going to be alive, my master is going to be proud of me, and everything is going to be normal."
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Fromikeable
Keeper Of The Techxts
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...and I'm comin'! *guitar riff*
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last online Jun 22, 2023 19:35:57 GMT -5
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Nov 18, 2012 0:08:53 GMT -5
Post by Fromikeable on Nov 18, 2012 0:08:53 GMT -5
Horst listened quietly as Ervisa spilled her thoughts out, admitting things that he knew took guts to say. It was easy for him to say things like that; Horst was by no means a man of reservation. If he knew something that needed to be said, he said it, plain and simple.
But for Ervisa, he could see that this was hard for her. Admitting that you ran away from everything wasn't easy, even by his standards. Frankly his outspokenness was one of the ways he kept himself on the straight and narrow; if he did something he wasn't proud of, he'd make sure he remembered it and made it known, whether he wanted to or not.
Horst brought his hand to rest on Ervisa's shoulder, doing his best to convey his support.
"... I can't maker yer' dreams come true Ervi... I... uh..." There it was again, the infamous lead tongue. Horst managed to shut his jaw closed as his mind drew blank after blank, trying to think of something he could say that might lessen her pain.
All he got was dead air. Friggin' brain. Thought that thing was supposed ta' be good for somethin'.
"... I tell ya' what though." Horst drummed his fingers on the table, going through the last stages of piecing his words together. What to most seemed like fixing a jigsaw puzzle was like trying to solve a Rubik's cube without fingers to Horst.
"Tha' next time ya' feel like runnin'... no matter what I'm doin'... come n' find me, alright?" Part of him wanted to tell her what he could do for her in that sort of scenario, but when he tried to think about it, a fresh set of blanks came up again. It didn't worry him though; if she ever did come to him like that, he wouldn't be thinking out a way to help her anyway.
He' just hug her and do what came naturally.
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last online Apr 19, 2013 18:45:53 GMT -5
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Nov 18, 2012 0:50:21 GMT -5
Post by Lemur, The Kool-Aid Guy on Nov 18, 2012 0:50:21 GMT -5
Horst was, unfortunately, not the greatest orator. He lacked the refined graces of a slick-talker and the ability to say exactly the right thing at a given moment. All in all, he was hardly the grandest person she could be with at her moment of crisis.
But there weren't exactly many options. It was the last day before everyone celebrated a holiday, and Horst was the only piece of meat left in the shop. Faced with the only option apart from relying on him, namely alcoholism (again), Ervisa didn't really see any alternative.
What he might not have understood was that she felt like running a lot, and for more than just her own self-destructive reasons. She wasn't happy stuck in a rut; the Mirialan woman needed to be free and constantly experiencing changing stimuli, otherwise she grew restless and buried her problems in substances.
If there wasn't a next best thing and something to do almost every minute of the day, Ervisa Therani wasn't happy.
How exactly it was that Horst was supposed to keep up with her, she didn't know, but he was going to have to in this new planned era of cooperation.
The Mirialan woman sighed and ran a hand along the length of her braid, which rested over her shoulder. When her fingers reached the tip she played with it a little, in an absentminded fashion.
"Damn it Horst, I'm a lost cause. Why do you think you can help me?" Ervisa asked, a momentary flash of anger in her voice and her grey eyes.
What made him think he could just up and solve the problems she'd been unable to deal with for almost a decade? If she couldn't handle it with all her vaunted Jedi training, how was he supposed to?
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Fromikeable
Keeper Of The Techxts
1,616 posts
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...and I'm comin'! *guitar riff*
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last online Jun 22, 2023 19:35:57 GMT -5
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Nov 18, 2012 1:06:45 GMT -5
Post by Fromikeable on Nov 18, 2012 1:06:45 GMT -5
Horst brought his hand back as Ervisa seemed to snap at him. What was she feeling? Was it him? Crap, it was him! Dammit all to the hells, he was screwing up! AGAIN!
"Because... I uh..." Horst wanted nothing more than to leave. Ervisa didn't deserve some bumbling fool who couldn't even talk. His mind was shooting even more blanks now as he dived deeper into uncharted territory; a fact that frustrated him. He swore that he'd be infinitely better off if he'd never been able to talk at all.
And poor Ervisa had to deal with him? THAT made him mad. Ervisa didn't need an idiot, she needed someone qualified. Someone who could soothe her and actually help and understand her. Not some half-witted army jock with all the brain-power of a mentally-challenged ant and all the tenderness of a Sarlacc eating a living Rancor.
All in all, he was coming up short, and he'd barely started.
"... Dammit ta' the hells! Why are ya' even tryin' with me Ervi?!" Horst ran his fingers through his hair in frustration, resisting the urge to start pulling it out. He scratched at his ears, bit his fist, did everything and anything in an attempt not to explode in rage directed at himself. "I'mma friggin' half-wit soldier! I wish I could tell ya' somethin', ANYTHIN' ta' help, but I just...!"
He smacked his head into the table, wishing he was dead.
"... I... I don't know. All I know is that I can't give up on ya'. Yer' too good fer' that."
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last online Apr 19, 2013 18:45:53 GMT -5
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Nov 18, 2012 1:17:26 GMT -5
Post by Lemur, The Kool-Aid Guy on Nov 18, 2012 1:17:26 GMT -5
"Frakking hell Horst," Ervisa spat angrily.
This was ridiculous. Hadn't she leveled with him? Hadn't she been clear enough? Ervisa didn't deserve a bloody thing, except maybe contempt for being such a damned fool, such an utterly stupid woman that she failed at everything from being a Jedi to being in love, and scorn at her for being a cheap harlot who jumped into bed for any reason at all.
And he said she deserved better, she was too good for him to just leave.
"I am NOT too good. Haven't you been paying attention? I'm a low-down skank, a loser, riff raff. I'm a drunk, I'm a junkie, I'm a fugitive. I ruin people's lives and ruin my own. I'm too good?"
Ervisa slammed her fist into the tabletop, the angriest she'd been in years. She was angry at herself, and she was angry at Horst for giving her a free pass she didn't deserve. He was going easy on her like she was some dainty flower, when she knew damn well that there were no petals, no lovely scent, and nothing picturesque about who she was inside. If anything she was a crawling weed that poisoned the soil before moving on.
"Just look at yourself goddammit, look in the mirror Horst. You're honest and you're brave, you fight for what you believe in. You speak your mind, and you're not afraid of a damn thing. That idea you have that somehow I'm better than you? Get it out of your thick skull. I'm worse than you, and I always will be."
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Fromikeable
Keeper Of The Techxts
1,616 posts
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...and I'm comin'! *guitar riff*
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last online Jun 22, 2023 19:35:57 GMT -5
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Nov 18, 2012 1:41:05 GMT -5
Post by Fromikeable on Nov 18, 2012 1:41:05 GMT -5
Horst looked at her quizzically as she described him as some sort of hero. The hell is she talkin' about?! He wasn't a hero, at least not how he saw it. And beyond that her past didn't matter to him. Horst never valued the past; he judged people by what they were like, not by what they used to be like. Why was she-
... Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Ervisa couldn't let go of her past that easily. The problem wasn't him being a block-head (well, the main problem anyway), but rather that Ervisa couldn't just forgive and forget like he could...
... Really? Horst had never really understood clinging to the past, but with Ervisa he was starting to get the picture. She used to be something, a Jedi. She'd had a real, meaningful life; the kind that people would always see in the movies or in novels. But now she... wasn't. Now she was a pilot in a pirate band getting drunk every other day, not sure what she was doing or for what.
... So... how do we fix it? Horst scratched his stubble again as his mind actually worked for a change (probably because it now had something to go on). He couldn't fix it; that much he knew. Not in the traditional sense anyhow. It wasn't just a bicycle that required a few new gears and a chain.
No, Ervisa was one complicated machine.
Horst sighed, his brow twitching a little for making him say this. "Fine Ervi. Ya' messed up. Ya' left behind a good life 'cause ya' made one too many mistakes, and then ya' went down ta' the lowest a' tha' low and stayed there." He scratched his throat, wishing he could rip those words from his vocal chords so that he'd never have to say them again.
"But I don't give a damn where ya've been. I like ya'... because ya' sell yer'self short. Sure, ya' screwed up tha' past, and sure, ya're probably gonna' screw up more 'n the future. That doesn't mean yer' a bad person. That means that life ain't perfect, and it isn't." He grimaced. "Not by a long shot."
Horst lightly raised his hand to her chin and guided it until she was looking at him. His own blue eyes, electric with determination, peered at hers with a strong, vibrant hue. "But dammit, ya' can always change what ya' are Ervi. Don't ever think fer' a second that ya' can't."
Horst sat back, running his hands through his hair nervously as he completed his little sermon. He hoped to the hells that it was coming out right. "'N as fer' who ya' are, well... I've seen enough ta' tell ya' that under whatever kinda' crap might be on the surface, yer' a good, decent person under there."
He sighed, bracing himself for whatever repercussions he'd have to pay for his words. He hoped she'd smack him hard; he deserved it. "All ya've gotta' do is dig down deep and find it."
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last online Apr 19, 2013 18:45:53 GMT -5
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Nov 18, 2012 1:54:06 GMT -5
Post by Lemur, The Kool-Aid Guy on Nov 18, 2012 1:54:06 GMT -5
How could he just... not care? Force knew SHE cared. Ervisa couldn't shake the damn shame and guilt in her heart for all the dumb shit she'd pulled over the years, and all the steps she'd fallen down until she'd laid at the bottom, broken and bruised.
It wasn't as if she could just magically wave her fingers and get over all that baggage. So why could Horst?
His fingers touched her chin and guided her gaze up to his own. She stared sadly into his blue eyes, her own grey ones subdued, the blue flecks in them only dully glistening.
Not for the first time today, Ervisa didn't understand. She didn't understand how he could care for her, how he could say she was a good person when by just about any ethical code she was riffraff. And she still felt like he didn't know her deep down, because if he did...
How could he care?
The Mirialan woman's anger died swiftly and she passed into a bizarre resignation, having given up on herself, accepting her fate.
If Horst wanted her, if he wanted to take her back, if he was going to insist she was a good person... She wouldn't fight him. Ervisa Therani would yield, unwilling to fight further.
"All right, all right," The woman said wearily as she rubbed her eyes. "I'll come back with you."
But I'm still not a good person, and I'm still going to break your heart.
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Fromikeable
Keeper Of The Techxts
1,616 posts
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...and I'm comin'! *guitar riff*
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last online Jun 22, 2023 19:35:57 GMT -5
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Nov 22, 2012 22:31:36 GMT -5
Post by Fromikeable on Nov 22, 2012 22:31:36 GMT -5
Horst's rich blue eyes peered into Ervisa's grey ones. He tried to read her in an attempt to peer into her mind. Rorry had always told him when he was little that the best window into a person's soul was their eyes, and Ervisa's case that seemed to be pretty true. She just looked so... defeated.
Horst wanted to desperately try to help her. He knew she could use the aid. And she'd just agreed to let him try, hadn't she? Sure, she'd warned him like mad; she'd break his heart. It would hurt. Horst would be in pain. She would be in pain. They'd both suffer a lot thanks to this thing they were going to try.
... So? If Horst had learned anything, it was that pain wasn't something to run from. What didn't kill you made you stronger; all you had to do was harness the experience, learn from it, and try again. After all, life was too short to go through afraid to try anything.
So when she said that she stay with him, he smiled a small smile. He didn't know if he could help her. Hell, he wasn't even sure if he could keep from hurting her. He hoped so, but there was a lot on the line, the least of which not being Ervisa herself. So why in the hells were they trying this?!
'Cause we ain't gettin' nowhere else otherwise. Horst hugged her firmly, maintaining his small smile. It wasn't a confident smile, but rather one that conveyed a little hope. No matter what things were like now, they both had a shot at making things better.
After a few minutes, he broke their hug, still smiling with a rare tenderness. "Aright Ervi." He kissed her cheek and held her shoulder. He might have been as lost as a Agamarian on Coruscant, but that had never stopped him before.
"In that case, we should probably think about gettin' back soon."
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last online Apr 19, 2013 18:45:53 GMT -5
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Nov 22, 2012 23:56:12 GMT -5
Post by Lemur, The Kool-Aid Guy on Nov 22, 2012 23:56:12 GMT -5
Horst's lips touched Ervisa's tattooed cheek, and she resisted the urge to protest.
Why the hell was he kissing her on the cheek? Was this sweet little courtship behavior? Was she a six year old child being sent to School on the first day, getting onto a bus with strangers? And then he touched her shoulder, and the indignation was magnified.
Ervisa shoved her way past the burly human, fishing out another cigarette and lighting it up, greedily sucking the tabac into her lungs before blowing it out smoothly, trying to get over that damn, bloody, worthless, pain in the ass feeling she had right now.
The Mirialan woman felt like some freaking damsel in distress, getting rescued by the Knight in armor. But she didn't want the bloody rescue, and she didn't need the bloody rescue. Ervisa Therani was capable of defending herself without some interloper. She didn't need anyone else but herself, so why had she just consented to tying herself down to Horst, freaking Horst?
She wasn't sure if she loved him or if she'd hated him, but somehow she was pretty sure she'd just made a commitment to him.
What in the nine Corellian hells had she been thinking?
"I need a drink," Ervisa said brusquely. "And you're buying."
The green woman walked out the door and stood in the upper city street, stretching her long and athletic frame, bending in the ways only a Mirialan could. She rotated her head around before sighing and wondering where the nearest cantina was.
There was no way in hell she was headed back to Oatara sober.
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Fromikeable
Keeper Of The Techxts
1,616 posts
628 likes
...and I'm comin'! *guitar riff*
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last online Jun 22, 2023 19:35:57 GMT -5
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Nov 26, 2012 21:57:36 GMT -5
Post by Fromikeable on Nov 26, 2012 21:57:36 GMT -5
Horst bit his lip and softly hammered the table as Ervisa shoved past him, sighing deeply.
Why do I even try? He'd been wondering when he'd blow it; now it seemed he had.
Still, he had been expecting something different. He'd been expecting something direct; a smack to the face or a shot to the jewels. Instead she'd just pushed past him...
"Just" pushed past me? As far as he was concerned, that was a pretty major screw up. He rubbed his chin for a moment, chasitising himself silently, hoping to the hells that she'd still say something to him and not just leave.
When she did, he couldn't help but grin at his own stupidity. Why had he agreed to do this again? Why had he agreed to enter into a relationship totally alien to him the likes of which actually scared him a bit and forced him into numerous scenarios that he was prone to completely screw up?
Guess I really am an idiot. Oh well. He was in it now, and he'd might as well go for it, full steam ahead.
Grinning a little to himself, Horst shuffled out after her, placing a few credits down on the table for the coffee as he checked his wallet. He'd made sure to get a nice amount of credits prior to leaving Oatara, and after the few days he'd spent chasing after her, he still had quite the amount left.
Let's see how fast we can get rid of it.
"I'm only payin' fer' ya' if I don't drink my own wallet dry first," he mumbled, heading over to the door and waiting for her. He didn't dare open it for her; he was starting to get the idea that she didn't want any favors.
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last online Apr 19, 2013 18:45:53 GMT -5
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Nov 26, 2012 22:40:24 GMT -5
Post by Lemur, The Kool-Aid Guy on Nov 26, 2012 22:40:24 GMT -5
Horst waited by the door, and Ervisa moved past him, shoving it open and walking down the upper city street with long strides, her grey eyes searching for any bar, cantina, grill, or other establishment that was likely to serve alcohol.
She wound up settling on a bar and grill in the bottom of a hotel, climbing onto a stool and ordering gin and a tonic, with a twist of lime. It came and she started to sip along at it, but she wasn't recovered yet.
Mentally, the Mirialan woman was still screaming profanities at herself for being such a complete and utter moron. It was like her senses had taken a leave and she was out for lunch in the brain department.
What exactly made her think that going back with Horst and being his girlfriend was a good idea? It wasn't, and anyone with half a brain could tell that. Ervisa was bad news, and Horst was a nice guy. Hell, she'd already F*cked with his head too much. Thanks to her, he was in love? He had a thing for her, and as a person and not a good lay and pretty face.
She was in way over her head, and somehow she was coming back with him.
Ervisa grunted a little as she rolled the liquid around her glass before drinking another large swallow.
"I must be insane," She mumbled.
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Fromikeable
Keeper Of The Techxts
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...and I'm comin'! *guitar riff*
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last online Jun 22, 2023 19:35:57 GMT -5
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Dec 15, 2012 18:53:01 GMT -5
Post by Fromikeable on Dec 15, 2012 18:53:01 GMT -5
Horst trudged behind Ervisa by a step as they made their way through the street crowds. She was very obviously in a bad mood, and he was a rather large individual, so as they walked the flow of people shifted to avoid them. They were two strangers to the world around them, others avoiding them like the plague as moved through an environment that would never be their own.
If only they weren't such strangers to eachother as well.
Horst followed Ervisa blindly, not so much as guessing at the nature of their path. It didn't matter so long as there was some alcohol to help them both calm waaaaaaaaaaaaay down. Still, even with that said things were going better than he had hoped. Now that it had sunk in, he realized that Ervisa was indeed coming back with him to Oatara (though they'd be in for some major hell upon arrival), and furthermore she didn't totally hate him...
... I think. She was talking to him at least, and they would be drinking together, so he supposed it could be worse.
Ervisa finally decided on a hotel bar and grill, and so Horst came to rest on the stool next to her, waiting for the strongest liquor the place had to offer. When he received it (something brown and with origins he didn't know of), he tasted it and almost gagged; whatever it was, it could hammer him something fierce.
He quickly downed the entire glass in one gulp.
Unfortunately, it didn't really help. That made him go back to twiddling his thumbs; his normal habit for whenever he wasn't sure of something.
So... she's comin' back. That was a good thing, right? Hadn't he succeeded then? Mission accomplished?
... nah, s'not that simple... Frak. Horst realized that this had never been a quick errand to bring back Ervi. No, this was the start to something. What it was, he wasn't quite sure, but it was something, and it would be happening for a while. That put him on edge; he liked quick, to-the-point action, not drawn-out, complex ones that lasted for months or maybe years.
After all, the less time you spent on something, the lower chance there was of screwing it up.
At tha' rate this's goin', we're screwed after a week. That made him smile, just in time for Ervisa to remark that she was out of her mind.
"And I ain't?" He grinned at her. If she was insane, then he needed an entire institution just to himself.
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last online Apr 19, 2013 18:45:53 GMT -5
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Dec 15, 2012 23:46:24 GMT -5
Post by Lemur, The Kool-Aid Guy on Dec 15, 2012 23:46:24 GMT -5
Ervisa stared blankly at Horst and tried to come up with the right words to describe what she was feeling.
He thought HE was crazy for this? Crazier than her maybe?
The Mirialan woman planted her forehead in the palm of her hand and groaned. Horst was normal. He was a normal and honest guy, who did hard work the right way. He'd had a normal life, done a stint in the military. That background alone was enough to prove he wasn't the crazy one.
Ervisa Therani, in contrast, was an addict, an impulsive and foolish woman who rushed from dalliance to dalliance, and never stayed put for longer than four months. Her background consisted of abandoning the Jedi Order, and a long, long list of illegal activities, culminating in a prison break on Rodia.
As far as she knew, Horst had done nothing like that.
"No, you're not," Ervisa said calmly as she finished her drink and slapped the bar's surface to demand another.
Her green hands never stopped caressing her forehead as she talked to him, doing her best to evenly explain things. Even though she'd already cast her lot and promised to come back, she still couldn't resist a halfhearted effort to dissuade him.
"You're a normal guy Horst. Hard-worker, honest. I'm a tramp, a cheap floozie who guys pick up for a good time and cast aside the next day. I'm good for a party and a few laughs, and that's it. Why do you think I'm girlfriend material? Do you honestly think you can make a Mirialan spice-wh0re into Mrs. Stellar?"
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Fromikeable
Keeper Of The Techxts
1,616 posts
628 likes
...and I'm comin'! *guitar riff*
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last online Jun 22, 2023 19:35:57 GMT -5
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Dec 16, 2012 0:04:46 GMT -5
Post by Fromikeable on Dec 16, 2012 0:04:46 GMT -5
Twiddling thumbs quickly transformed into Horst holding his glass a little harder than he should have, tracing the rim of it with his index finger as he awaited a refill of his own. He must have been crazy indeed; he thought he could sit there and convince Ervisa that she was something worth the effort. The content wasn't the issue; the action was.
Since when was Horst any good at convincing?
And yet, here he sat, trying to do just that. I'm friggin' nuts...
Ervisa came back with her argument that he was "normal". Horst wasn't sure what dictionary she had been reading, but a grizzled soldier who broke everything he touched and was being hunted by three separate powers hardly sounded like some average Joe to him. He supposed that she was right about the whole honest and hard-working thing, though he liked to call it something else:
Bein' a stubborn ass. He'd never idolized himself, and probably never would.
Still, his ruminations were petrified by that one term he thought he'd never, ever hear from another sentient being in a serious tone. Ever.
Mrs. Stellar.
Horst blinked, and he thought... and in an amazing change of pace, a thought actually bubbled up.
"... I know that I sure as hell ain't gonna' find out if I don't try." The Engineer surprised himself, actually knowing something for a change. It was the truth; he had never known anything without having the experience for himself. That's why the metaphysical and idealistic escaped him like water through a net; he couldn't experience literary terms or calculations.
But hells knew that he could experience love, whatever it felt like. And he would never get the chance by giving up.
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last online Apr 19, 2013 18:45:53 GMT -5
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Dec 16, 2012 0:20:35 GMT -5
Post by Lemur, The Kool-Aid Guy on Dec 16, 2012 0:20:35 GMT -5
So he had to try? That was what this was all about?
Horst was just so damn stubborn, so persistent. His willpower was something that far exceeded her own, and she had to respect that. But he was setting himself up for a fall, and a big one.
"But what happens when you fail?" Ervisa asked in a very soft and very sad voice. She was thinking back on her own experiences, on the feelings she'd had with Asyr. One amazing day with him on Cato Neimoidia, and then after weeks of missing him, he'd reappeared into her arms.
It had been perfect, a sign from the universe that it was meant to be, that true love was demanding she act.
Her emerald cheeks took on a yellow tint as she blushed, mortified by the recollections of her own voice making her little confession of love. Oh she'd thought it was right, that it was perfect.
And then the dream had died, smashed into a thousand jagged pieces like a mirror thrown into the wall with all the force rage could muster. Not only had he not felt the same way, he'd even slept with her friend. And that had marked her exodus.
No, her descent.
If not for that exact mentality Horst had, about finding out, she never would have wound up on spice and performing sex acts in a dirty alley for endless months before being scraped up like a piece of refuse and finally crawling back into the semblance of a normal woman.
She was his Asyr.
Ervisa slammed back her refill in one gulp and tried not to cry as tears slid down her tattooed cheeks. She didn't like being that. She didn't want to be that. Why couldn't Horst have just been content? Why did he have to love her? But now... She couldn't say no. It would destroy him, it would do to him just what had been done to her.
"I'm going to break your heart Horst. I can't help it, and I don't want to hurt you."
The Mirialan rested her head on her muscular forearm and closed her eyes, wiping away tears with her fingers as she started to cry softly. This, this was her final breaking point.
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Fromikeable
Keeper Of The Techxts
1,616 posts
628 likes
...and I'm comin'! *guitar riff*
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last online Jun 22, 2023 19:35:57 GMT -5
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Dec 16, 2012 1:05:21 GMT -5
Post by Fromikeable on Dec 16, 2012 1:05:21 GMT -5
Horst became dead quiet as Ervisa broke down, her angry, apathetic front crumbling to show the real conflict she hid every day. He had known that she was hurt deep down; he'd seen it for himself, and he'd found out about it.
That didn't make seeing it again any easier.
The question echoed through Horst's mind like a shout in a big, hollow cave. He failed with everything he tried; his adoptive father, his adoptive brother, the military, and his adoptive uncle. Every single time he tried, Horst Stellar wound up flat on his face, nose to the dirt, eyes to the ground.
He always failed, and he always would. It was a fact, and he knew it.
So why did he try at all? Just to find out? Was trying just for the sake of trying worth anything?
Horst reached out in a rare moment of gentleness, slowly rubbing Ervisa's back as she tried to avoid crying. He knew it might make her mad, and he knew that it would look stupid and absolutely half-witted. But for the first time this evening, he didn't rightfully give a damn.
"Break me Ervi." The statement was plain and simple, yet spoken in a soft tone, almost in direct conflict with the gruff voice that said it. A piece of sandpaper in a pillow factory was still a piece of sandpaper, after all.
"When ya' fail..." Horst spoke slowly, gulping before he continued. His finger incessantly spinning around the ridge of his glass stopped immediately, and he looked at Ervisa with big blue eyes, soft as marshmallows for a change.
"... ya' mourn. Ya' cry. Ya' curse. Ya' bury your dead and damn tha' world." He gulped again, rubbing circles on her back as he kept his voice soft.
"... n' then ya' get back up." He sighed.
"... n' then it happens all over again... and ya' do tha' same thing... 'cause eventually, maybe... if ya' don't let it go, don't let life take it from ya'... if ya' get hit hard n' still manage ta' try n' get back up..." He exhaled in a shaky breath, stating one of the most certain things he knew.
"... ya' succeed."
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