Pace

[pace]

Name: Pace Lund-Sidi
Race: Human
Age: 50
Height: 6'1"
Weight: 130
Appearance: images2.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/4/40/Jacen2.jpg
Birth place: Courscant

Faction: jedi
Rank: knight- Ace, Force warrior, sword of the Jedi

Bio: Pace was born on Coursant to a noble family, untill the age of 2 when he was taken by the order because of a high force attunement.

Lightsaber: one hilt: (corusca gem, kyber crystal)
Color: Emerald

Practiced Lightsaber forms:

Shii-Cho(5)
Makashi (5)
Soresu (2)
Ataru (5)
Shien / Djem So(5)
>>Sub-form Backhanded(2)
Niman (5)
>>Sub-form Jar-kai, or Dual Wield(1)
Juyo (0)
Double Bladed Combat(2)

Force-Sensitive Abilities or practices:

Telekinetic:8
Telepathic:10
Body: 4
Sense: 9
Protection: 8
Healing:5
Destruction: 10

Specialized Skills:

Attributes:

Physical Strength: 6
Intelligence: 9
Speed: 5
Leadership: 10

Unarmed: 7
Melee Weapons: 8
Ranged Weapons: 7

Force Attunement: 7

RP Sample:
Pace walked down the dark, rotten smelling ally, when he sensed a presence in the force, just at the range of his ability, but it was clocked physically and mentally.

Sith assassins he thought to himself.

he waited until they were almost on him and spun, igniting his saber at the same time, and let lose with a blast of force energy, blasting the sith backwards. He leaped on the nearest one decapitating it, than used Electric judgment to kill the 2nd. He waled up the 3rd one and stunned him. He swithed of his saber with a Hiss-Snap the ally suddenly dark with out the emerald glow of his blade. Picking up the stunned assassin with the force, he set off for the temple.

[Halcyon]

Umm...........yeah...............

I'm gonna spare the mods from having to do this, mostly because I'm stuck at home sick when I could be out hanging out with this really hot girl, but that's life for you.

Anyways, you need to add a huge amount of history if you want to be a Jedi Knight, you also need to explain why you the council chose you as the sword of the Jedi. What was their reasoning behind it? Was there some challenge that needed to be overcome? Talk about your childhood, life in the order, growing up. How did your character become promoted to the rank of Knight, who was your master? Did you have any friends? You have a lot you can expand on, and their shouldn't be any unknowns In your bio you go from 2 to 50 in the space of 2 lines. If you want you can look at other Jedi Knight bios here: swrponline2.proboards107.com/index.cgi?board=jedijedi&action=display&thread=1743.

Your lightsaber stats are also way too high for someone of the Jedi Knight rank, those are more on the same level as a Jedi Battlemaster then a mere Knight. Your Force stats as well, a Jedi can't have a destruction level higher than a 5, and your other levels are higher than what's average for members of the Jedi Council including the Grandmaster, whose arguably probably the strongest of the Jedi.

Rp sample, likewise, needs to be longer and more detailed for the rank you want. Also you may want to run it through spellcheck to check for grammar, spelling, and punctuation errors.

At the moment this is subpar for what's expected in a profile, even for a youngling. If you want you can drop your age and start off as a youngling, and you can skip the rp sample as well.

Oh final thought, you're Jedi is unhealthily skinny for someone of his height. I'm 6 foot even, and 150 lbs, and even I'm considered somewhat underweight so you may want to increase that to around 160-190 which would be a healthier weight for someone of his height.

[Meira]

Pace, you've set some pretty high standards for this character. Hal is correct, there are some major revisions that need to be made. However, you've also set your character up for being very interesting, so I'm looking forward to seeing what you can make of him.

If you need any help, I've got a tips post that you can look at. Or you can PM myself, or any of the mods and we will be glad to help you pound out the details. Keep at it!

[Iota]

telepathic and destruction are too high. a jedi can't have a destructive level higher than 5 otherwise they would be using the dark side too much. i would say put the telepathy lvl to 8-9 as 10 is god like and 9 would be decades of dedication to achieve..sorry for butting in miera.