Jayden Raxer

[firebrand]

I don't know if I did this right, so forgive me if I didn't and let me know if I need to change anything, especially in my bio.

Name:Jayden Raxer
Race: Epicanthix
Age: 10
Height: 5’4”
Weight: 115 lbs.
Appearance: Jayden has dark brown hair that falls fo the nape of his neck. It curls slightly at the ends and is usually dishelved. He has ice blue eyes and a vertical scar over his right eye.
Birth place: Panatha/
Faction: Jedi
Rank: Youngling
Bio: Jayden is the son of Cyril and Dellek Raxer. He was trained at a young age in sword fighting and was very skilled. Once when he was training with his friend Maxil, he let his guard down and Maxil cut him over his right eye. He was rushed to the medics and suffered no serious damage other then a scar. His father was a Lieutenant and his mother was a field medic in the Epicanthix army. When he was seven years old he found that he was very force sensitive and was told some day he would become a great Jedi. When he was eight years old his parents were sent to raid a neighboring planet, they were killed during battle. He trained for a year before asking a smuggler if he could ride back with him, if he worked on the ship, to Coruscent to join the Jedi temple and become a Jedi. It is now a year later and he has just started his Jedi career. His life on Panatha has made him used to hot temperatures and jungle climates.
Lightsaber: Single blade
Color: Blue(Shades and Sheen may Vary)
Practiced Lightsaber forms:

Shii-Cho 1
Makashi N/A
Soresu N/A
Ataru N/A
Shien / Djem So N/A
>>Sub-form Backhanded
Niman N/A
>>Sub-form Jar-kai, or duel Weild
Juyo N/A
Force-Sensitive Abilities or practices:
Telekinetic: 1
Telepathic: 1
Body: 1
Sense: 1
Protection: 1
Healing: 1
Destruction: 1

Specialized Skills
Attributes:
Physical Strength: 3
Intelligence: 2
Speed: 3
Leadership: 1

Unarmed: 2
Melee Weapons: 3
Ranged Weapons: 1

Force Attunement: +2

RP Sample:

[Meira]

Children are not accepted into the Jedi order after the age of 6, so some of this character's history will have to be changed, though not much. I can't imagine young children would be allowed to practice fighting with harmful weapons though. Maybe dull practice swords, but actual sharp blades seems irresponsible to me, no matter how warrior-oriented the race might be. So if this scar is an important physical feature you wish to keep, I would suggest he get it another way.

Also, the boy would not be able to discover his force sensitivity himself. Another force sensitive, e.g., a Jedi, would detect it. This would eliminate the need for Jayden to barter a ride with a smuggler, which seems a bit convenient to me. I can't see how whoever is taking care of him after his parent's death would just let him run off with a smuggler.

I'd say add a bit to the bio and break it up into paragraphs rather than one long paragraph. You can up his intelligence, even a youngling can have an intelligence of around 3-4. Other stats look fine to me, other than destruction. Destruction is more of a dark side power, The Jedi would by no means be teaching such powers to their students. An older Jedi might learn destructive powers as a knight, but no way for a student.

As a final note, allow me to share a grammar rule with you that took me way to long to understand myself. The word "then" is used to indicate order or time, as it "He posted first, then I posted" or "Back then, we used a different template". The word "than" is used when making comparisons, as in "I would rather go to Bespin than Tatooine" or "A lightsaber is better than a blaster any day". It's not a biggie, and most people don't even bother learning the rule, but I figure that when we RP, we should try to go for our best when writing, and that includes grammar.

[Jeh'rad Verai'cal]

PM'ed you with a suggestion, or rather an offer.