Kane Ryder

[Kane Ryder]

Name: Kane Ryder
Race: Human
Age: 24
Height: 6'2"
Weight: 160 lbs.
Appearance:

Kane is well-muscled, not overweight nor underweight, making him both a tough opponent and a helpful ally. His hair is kept in a neat, short fashion, being curly and a dark brown color. His eyes match the color of his blade - bright blue, piercing and full of menace. Overall, his face is inviting and warm, but can be harsh and serious when need be. Kane wears the robes of a Jedi Knight, and is hardly ever seen wearing anything else.


Birth place: Coruscant

Faction: Jedi
Rank: Jedi Knight

Bio:

Kane Ryder was born 24 years ago on the planet of Coruscant. HIs parents both being involved in the Senate, he was identified at a very young age and sent to train with the Jedi at the temple. He wasn't missed by his parents - they did send gifts and letters and such, but they were better off without their nuisance of a son. Kane quickly blossomed into a powerful Jedi Guardian regardless, taking to his studies well.

His training wasn't easy, however. His master, Jin Starr, had a difficult time teaching his young Padawan patience, kindness, and love for all, all of which are essential characteristics to a Jedi. He also had difficulty learning the styles of lightsaber training which require precision and defense; however, he took immediately to those involving aggression and raw strength.

After having mastered the art of Shii-Cho, and after learning several others, Kane was granted the position of Jedi Knight, and he already believed himself ready to be a Jedi Master. He was powerful, stronger and more ferocious in battle than most, and he had caught on quickly to everything his master taught him; however, he had much to learn before he would even be considered ready to become a master.

His training progressed at a rather swift rate. Often, he spent time outside of his regular training sessions to work on mastering the arts of several lightsaber forms and other force techniques. By age 22, he mastered a couple of force moves - Force Destruction and Force Pull and Push. Of course, it did take him all of his life to master these two moves. By this age he also learned the moves Force Repulse, Force Grip, and Mind Trick, and he quickly excelled in their use. This did not please his master, for he believed that Kane had learned nothing, still relying only on Destruction and raw power. Kane decided to then try his best and work on other skill areas.

Soon after Kane became a Knight, his master Jin was sent on a mission - a mission that was unknown to his apprentice, and he never returned. The death of his master left Kane distraught, casting him into a period of depression, and he neglected his studies for the time being. However, when he came out of his state of grief, he found himself more attuned to the light side of the force. He now had a motive to destroy the Sith, to fight as a servant of the light. Kane returned to his studies.

After his Master's death, Kane studied and trained alone, working on lightsaber forms that required defensive maneuvers. He never excelled in these forms, but he does have knowledge in them.

Soon he would be ready to become a Master, or so he thought. Soon he would take on a Padawan of his own.

[Will add more as the character grows]

Lightsaber:

Focus Crystal: Kaiburr
Hilt: 25 centimeters in length, a medium-length, easily held in one hand or two. It has a black gripping, similiar in color to his master's weapon.

Color: Blue

Practiced Lightsaber forms:

Shii-Cho - 5
Makashi - 0
Soresu - 0
Ataru - 1
Shien / Djem So - 3
>>Sub-form Backhanded - 0
Niman - 0
>>Sub-form Jar-kai, or Dual Wield - 0
Juyo - 0
Double Bladed Combat - 0

Force-Sensitive Abilities or practices:

Telekinetic: 4
Telepathic: 6
Body: 7
Sense: 3
Protection: 4
Healing: 2
Destruction: 8

Specialized Skills:

Force Destruction
Force Pull/Push
Force Repulse
Force Grip
Mind Trick

Attributes:

Physical Strength: 7
Intelligence: 5
Speed: 6
Leadership: 4

Unarmed: 3
Melee Weapons: 6
Ranged Weapons: 2

Force Attunement: 4

RP Sample:

[From Star Wars Destinies]

The sounds of battle reached Kane's ears, and he stopped what he was doing, sheathing his lightsaber and looking at his Padawan, Alem, in confusion. "Do you hear that?" Without waiting for a response, Kane made his way towards the back of the Jedi Temple. Luckily, he was on the opposite side of the building - away from the fight. But if the Sith were attacking, he had to help. He had to save the temple.

Taking a deep breath, Kane drew his saber once more, creeping inside the building. It was a wonder the two Jedi hadn't heard the commotion until now. Sith and Jedi alike fought inside the temple, and many younglings and apprentices already lay dead. At least Kane didn't yet see the bodies of any of his fellow Jedi Masters . . . "Alem, come!" he called behind him, and immediately he rushed forward to aide the survivors, hacking his way past several young Sith to make his way to the front of the temple.

Once outside, he immediately spotted who he was looking for - the Jedi Masters and the apprentice of Darth Talon. So, it was true. Talon had finally led the attack on the Jedi Temple. Of course, Kane knew it was coming. He had always sensed the Sith would make their move soon.

Kane had prepared himself for this moment. The Sith had taken his master from him, and Kane had yet to avenge his death. The Sith would pay this day. But where was Talon? Surely the apprentice of the Dark Lord of the Sith would be around here somewhere. Reaching out with his mind, Kane finally located her. She was dueling T'ra Saa, and she was in danger. If Kane were to aide T'ra, Talon may be defeated.

He immediately rushed to her aide, locating the two near the younglings. So, she had been trying to kill the young Jedi . . . How pitiful. "So, Talon, we finally meet," he said, grinning and raising his bright blue lightsaber in a defensive position. Charging in, he aimed a blow at her upper body, hoping to catch her off guard. She already seemed to be having a hard time fighting off T'ra as it was.

Where in the blazes was Alem? He was needed, and he hadn't followed Kane. "We need you here, Alem," he called through the Force, hoping his apprentice would hear him.

[avoim]

Dude, all of those special skills will need to be explained in your bio, and the bio length increased in general, by quite a lot. Check other approved Jedi Knights to see how its done.

[sparrow]

As Avoim say, you should take a look at approved profiles of other Knight-level characters to get a feel of the length and level of detail your bio will need to have, and get a general sense of the range of stat numbers allowed. Also, be sure to take a look at Meira's tips and read the print of the Jedi Application sheet stickied in the sign-up forums. They're very helpful!

Once you've done those we can get into more specific points.

Remember, general rule of thumb is that the more powerful/special your char is, the more detailed and well thought out the bio needs to be to explain the character's power/special-ness.

[Kane Ryder]

Thanks so much for the critiques! I did as you asked and changed his skills a bit, also adding more to the history. I hope it's a little bit better now, but I will add more as you see fit.

[sparrow]

First off, a quick disclaimer that although I can give feedback, I can't approve your character. Only those with the green and red names can do that.

One of the things about the old jedi order is that they're real big on the no attachments thing. So letters and gifts from parents are a no-no.

It is very unlikely that he will have trained in all lightsaber forms. Instead, pick one or two forms to focus in. Given his age, I'd recommend a 5 in Shii-cho, and 3-4 in another form, and a 1-2 in a third.

Max destruction stat is 5 for Jedi. Force destruction is not something Jedi learn, and nobody masters it at age 22, not even dark jedi.

[Meira]

There is hardly any detail in the bio. There is no information of him as a youngling, or about missions or really much of anything as a padawan. We don't know how he passed his trials and most importantly, how he managed to learn dark side powers, such as force grip, without anyone to teach him. It isn't exactly something one just learns on their own.

I don't see how he could dip into depression, and then suddenly just come out of it a better person. The bio needs quite a bit of work. I recommend reading accepted profiles to get an idea of length and detail that is acceptable.

Stats:

Waay too many lightlsaber stats. By knighthood, Shii-Cho is mastered. Most Jedi branch away from this form, learning one, maybe two styles that suit them personally. You have indicated that Kane is more prone to the aggressive styles so I would suggest the following:

Shii-Cho: 5
Ataru: 1
Shien/Djem-So: 3

If you prefer ataru, then put it at 3 and shien/djem-so at 1. If you look at accepted characters, you will see that at 24, you've made Kane better at lightsaber techniques than many older characters. I'm sorry, but it's just not possible. He hasn't lived long enough to have managed that.

Force stats are too high. I would lower your 6 to a 5, and your 7 to a 6. Like sparrow said, the max a Jedi can have in destruction is 5, and I wouldn't put Kane past a 3.

If you read through the template carefully, you would have known that the only thing that you put in the specialized skills section that belongs there is force repulse. All others fall under the Force ablities listed above. Force Grip and Force Push/pull belong under telekenetic, mind trick falls under telepathic, and destruction is it's own category, not a specific power. I would suggest you click on the link provided in the template to read what each category entails. I will futher suggest that if you wish to keep a specialized power, that you understand that they are rare and require adequate explanation in the bio to be accepted. As of right now, Force Repulse is not accepted.

Attributes:

There is nothing in the bio that justifies a human being so strong. Lower strength to a 7. Note that melee skills have nothing to do with lightsaber skills. You will either have to justify his melee skills in the bio, or lower it.

Alignment is too high for a character who for some reason uses so many dakr side skills. Lower to a 3 max.

Your RP sample needs to be an example of how you will RP this character here on SWU.

When the changes have been made, reply so that I know to come back and give this another look.