Sios So'rgikk(Revised)

[coolman212]

Name:Sios So'rgikk
Race:Twi'lek
Age:31
Height:6'9
Weight:210 lbs
Appearance: Black robe, lekku behind head, draped across his back, skin color is a sickly purple
Birth place: Coruscant

Faction: Dark Jedi

Rank: Acolyte

Bio:Sios was born on Coruscant with the rest of his family, in one of the Mid levels, he had a strong control of the force,which in turn drew the attention of some Dark Jedi on the planet in hiding, they then took the 16 year old to Korriban, where he was trained in the arts of the Dark Side. When he began to learn Lightsaber combat, he simply hated the way he had to fight with only one Saber, so he asked for two, and he then began to feel the technique of using two Lightsabers.He then began to learn the basic powers, like push, and lift, Then he began to learn choke and lighting, all under the tutelage of of Miris Kurti, a wise and patient human female who gave Sios a great knowledge of the force and lightsaber techniques, unfortunately for Sios, she died of unkown causes. Sios had always felt that he was the best, of his siblings, and of other children when he was younger. This gives him a sense of pride and compitetion, which drives him to become the best of the Dark Jedi, and one day drive them against the Jedi, who he has learned to despise. He wishes to become a Marauder for the sole purpous of hurting the Jedi, to make him a killing machine, for he has gained a pleasure of killing.
He wishes also not to only use lightsabers to great effect, but the forces of the dark side, furthering his quest to lead the Dark Jedi, and ultimately, the Sith
Lightsaber: Two Singles

Color:Violet

[Jenno]

Right first things first, I want you to give me more! More depth I tell you!

Your character is 31 after all, I'm pretty sure you can throw one or two different things that have happened to him during his life. I want a couple more paragraphs please, if you want to check the length than others of this age/rank have written then please check some of the approved character sheets.

Here's a few ideas of what you could write about, when/how Sios was abducted, who taught him and how they instructed him (name powers, or talk about how he learnt to wield dual blades).

Now, onto the technicalities.

Might want to consider the weight a little bit, that would make him lean more towards being very fast and nimble opposed to strong and muscular.

It's rare to find a 31 year old who's 6'5 and only 150lbs.

"attention of some sith on the planet in hiding"

Change "sith" to "Dark Jedi" please, as there is only one actual Sith at the moment and that is a PC's character.

"where he was trained in the arts of the Sith"

Again, it technically should be written as "where he was trained in the ways of the Dark Side".

Maybe also add a bit of info in the bio as to why he wants to become the strongest Marauder and learn the dark powers, has he gained some desire to hurt people? Does he simply want to become the strongest Dark Jedi ever?

Now, that should help you write a bit more.

By the way, I'm liking the name Sios.

[Jenno]

to lead the Dark Jedi, and ultimately, the Sith

To lead the sith he would have to become apprentice to Darth Paxis (current Dark Lord) and then at some point, take Paxis' life. If that's what you're trying to accomplish then you'll have to fight for the position of apprentice first of all.

You may want to change this in accordance to what you to do with this character.

I will now only ask you to put that blob of bio into paragraphs please, if at all possible, with spaces between them so that it's easier to read.

Even though I would personally want you to write more about his past, that's probably just me being picky ;P.

So once you've done that, post on here or pm me telling you've updated, then I'll give it the (hopefully) the last look over.

~Jenno

[Jenno]

Moved to Incomplete Profiles.