Kengan

[kengan]

Dark Jedi

Name:Hilda Kengan
Race:Human
Age: 33
Height:6'0
Weight:175 lbs
Appearance: (can be a picture or description)
Birth place: Ossus

Faction: Dark Jedi

Rank: Acolyte

Bio: Kengan Hilda, a middle aged man looking to make a name for himself among his sith brothers. He was previously a sith mercenary working along side the sith to kill treacherous Jedi. But one day while with a Sith master he felt the way of the force. Not physically but mentally. And was told by his SIth master that great evil flowed within him. After days of working with his master killing countless more Jedi, he was sent off to the Sith training facility and wants nothing more but to become a great
Sith Lord among his peers. Kengan does not remember much of his past and has spent almost 32 years trying not to remember.

Lightsaber: Dual wielder, both singles.

Color: left hand is Orange, right hand is Red.

[Xaojii]

You need to make a few changes, for one your character needs an appearance description.

Your character needs a longer Bio. We require 4 paragraphs minimum. Your character couldn't have been trained by a Sith Master/Lord/cupcake, because this RP is set in timeline when there is only 1 Sith Lord, and there hasn't BEEN a sith lord for the last 250 years. Your character being only 33 that would make it pretty hard to train under a sith lord.

Kengan does not remember much of his past and has spent almost 32 years trying not to remember.

This is an unacceptable cliche, your character might not want to remember what he's done, but that doesn't mean it didn't happen. You need to post everything. It might be more work, but that's how we do it here.

Make some changes, then we'll see.

[kengan]

I meant sith master as in the man who trained me, not in the sense he was a sith lord...And i will write more on my bio but couldnt i be able to expand on my bio during rping??? that's what i thought i would do...nevermind i will redo my whole thing i just reread the whole character template and will just go with that....sorry for any misunderstandings...

[Jenno]

Alright, first things first. This application has been moved into the pending section.

Secondly, since you're absence we have updated the character template sheet, whew you make the following amendments could you please look at said sheet and implement it for this character.

Now, onto the needed changes.

First of all, you're lacking an appearance.

Next, Ossus is very unlikely to be a birth place as it's currently a barren world, the surface of which has been removed of almost all life, there are no settlements or any attempts at settlements, only scavengers visit, on very rare occasions.

Bio:

First of all, when it comes to character bios, there are no unknowns. Sure, you might have a reason for why Kengan doesn't know what happened to him but, it still happened, Therefore we need to know about it. You're only writing up to how old he currently is, from there you make your own story.

And as Xaojii said, please change every mention of 'Sith' in reference to those who used the Dark Side of the Force. They are known as Dark Jedi, Sith and Dark Jedi are different and you can only be a Sith if you are taught by one and since one hasn't existed for hundreds of years, it's not possible. The only Sith we currently have (if you check our Story thread in the Announcements section) is the Sith Empire, which has no link to the Sith except the use of the name, and they have only recently appeared.

You will need to rewrite basically all of your current bio and also write more than you currently have.

Once the changes have been made, reply.

Thank you,

~Jenno

[kengan]

Just gonna do a new post then...

Name Hol-Kall Kengan (goes by Kengan)
Race: Massassi
Age: 38
Height:6'11''
Weight: 275 lbs
Appearance:Wears two shoulder pads with spikes protruding from them. A long blue cape that has a symbol of Massassi clans on it's back. A long loin cloth that reaches down from Kengan's
waist to his knee's. Long boots that reach up to his knees and a hooded cape that shows only his face.Has two burn marks on his chest pecs that show he is a warrior and a blood symbol on his right shoulder pad of his tribe.

Birthplace:Korriban
Faction: Dark Jedi
Rank: Assassin

BIO- Age 0-18
Born on Korriban after a few of his people escaped Yavin 4 Kengan was born of warrior blood. His people honored the sith lord Exar Kun as their God and do so still today. On Kengan's 10 birthday he was sent out into the desert of Korriban to die and if he could return with a storm beast head he would be claimed Clan and tribe leader of his people. There were 7 other children that were sent out with him. And they each were only armed with a sword. The day that the children reached a temple of the a sith lord they found a Storm beast and all rushed to slay it. To Kengan it would be his time to shine but another boy by the name of Valshi're. Who plotted a scheme to get a storm beast head without killing one. as the others battled the storm beast Valshi're laid back hidden in the dark awaiting them to kill the beast. With there vast numbers Kengan and the group easily killed the storm beast after two of the children where killed. Valshi're returned to the group after the fight panting like he was also battling it. Kengan lead the remaining group home. With his exceptional leading skills Kengan was sure to gain the title over his people until halfway back to the village Valshi're cut down the remaining children and rushed to kill Kengan who was ahead of the pack. Stabbing Kengan once in the back he fell in the desert sand and was left for dead.
A few days later after losing blood for almost three days Kengan was found by two mysterious men. One was wearing a black robe with his hands placed inside of his thick sleeves. The other with a similar robe but with a hood to it, his face was hidden by the shadow of the hood and Kengan never saw his face. The non-
hooded man showed his hands and placed one on Kengan's back. With a magical type power he healed the severe wound and Kengan was safe from certain death in just another hour. Kengan thanked the men as they watched over him until he properly recovered. The hooded man never showed his face just sat beside him quiet as death itself. It Creeped out Kengan that the man was so quiet so he kept to the other man. The man told Kengan he was a Jedi one that studied the ways of the dark side. And a fellow follower of the great Exar Kun's ways. This Kengan liked so he followed the men leaving behind his people for a greater learning of Exar Kun.
The men felt a faint force connection within the boy and knew they could hone that connection to properly feel the force. They led Kengan to a ship they had arrived in and flew him to a secluded spot still on Korriban, to further his training.

The Force is in Me? Age 18-20
On the first day of training the nonhooded man taught Kengan about Exar Kun and his exploits, his perfection and his power. The force that drove him flows through all of his children and even through Kengan. All he needed to do is listen for the force and He will recieve its beautiful bounties. Kengan tried for 2 years to feel the force until one day he was forced to meditate for several continuous hours to fin his connection.
His mind was beginning to turn to mush as he tried for hours to feel the connection. He listened deep for it.........listening.....until he heard a voice, then two....he could hear the thoughts of his people on the opposite side of the world. He could actually hear them, feel them draw from them like his two masters. He finally could do it and now his training could begin now he could become a jedi.

Decision Age 20- 35
Kengan was taught about the dark side from the nonhooded man who called himself Darth Radius and the other kept quiet until Kengan could feel the force then he arose from his meditation position one day and approached Kengan. "I am Darth Korack...Your Master of Light-saber training. Come with me...first you must construct your weapon the bases of any Jedi.", His light-saber. Korack led Kengan to a cave, one that had been on Korriban for years and several miles away from the training temple that they stayed at.
Korack stayed outside as Kengan entered the tomb, awaiting him to emerge with a crystal.Kengan entered with a blade to protect himself although danger in these caves were minimal he still needed it. Kengan found himself near a pulse of some kind of power that he seemed to think was mind boggling. He explored the cave to find an open cavern filled with crystals an assortment of colors all around in clusters of crystals. He approaches one and smiles as he touches it. He tries to break a piece off but is stopped by a stronger pulse from across the cavern it got stronger and stronger as Kengan approached it. He was staring at his crystal the one that would grow with him as he got stronger. He broke off a piece of it to take back out of the cave as he left the cavern.
Kengan returned to Korack who was waiting his return, He applauded as he pointed to the upcoming Kengan. "Congrats now lets make that saber back at the temple" Korack told him as he began to walk off back to the temple.
Back at the temple Korack had Kengan to decide, Dual or Single? Double phase? Double bladed? Kengan knew noting he was asking and went with a simple dual wield. And so it Began Korack gave no rest during his practice. He made Kengan learn the Niman style and taught told Radius to teach him the Jar'kai philosphohy to further understand the bases of dual wielding it would not be easy but no one ever said it would be.
He was to practice for 7 hours of every day for 5 days then a break for 1 day then back to 5 days of training until Korack thought he was ready. He had to learn the basic forms of light saber wielding first before Korack allowed him to use his second light saber for training. He trained hard for 5 years before he could use his second blade and even then he could not always properly use it. Korack gave him a hard time making his motions perfect and his fluidity exceptional. He furthered his dual saber training for another 10 years before he was perfected his technique.

FIGHT ME! Age 35-37

During one his training sessions Kengan thought. 'I am great i have mastered my blade and even learned to dual wield. I can take Korack.' And this next move would be his last, as a student. He challenged Korack to a duel and that was his first mistake. for Korack and Radius were a Dual type of fighters. If you fought one you had to fight the other. They agreed to no force powered but even then it was not a fair match. Each Radius and Korack had one blade but together they were unbeatable.
Kengan started by targeting Korack who was he better blade wielder but even with that he was forced to retreat and rethink his plan. He then tried targeting Radius but was unable to get close enough without Korack protecting him or jumping into the fray. He then figured out the master plan. First he rushed them both and began to attack and defend the attacks launched at him but did not let up on either of them until he saw an opening in Radius' defence and struck out at it cutting him down without a problem and Korack was left alone to defend against a dual wielder with masterful skill. He soon was cut down like is Radius who was also Korack's brother.
And so it was Kengan and learned and defeated the two men who taught him everything in deception and corruption. Maybe they taught him a little too well. But not do dishonor their names he buried them in the temple that had no name or previous tombs and renamed it the tomb of Darth Radius and Darth Korack, The Master Brothers. He then sealed the tomb and left in it the two light sabers of his masters and various trinkets that they seemed to collect over their long period of hiding at the temple. Kengan never wants to replace his masters or take their positions or teach another even though through his remarkable training he defeated to Masters he refuses to call himself one. Kengan is said to be exploring all of Korriban and is looking for a ship to leave the planet to show he is a great warrior to all the Massassi people.

~Now~

Kengan is said to be a peddler who travels to the many cities and villages around Korriban trading goods he wants to lead a simple life but thinks with the thought of war arising he must do his part to ensure the safety of Korriban.

Light saber: Dual wield (Single phased both of them)
Color: One is a light silver or white color the other a Dark Blueish. (They represent Water and the clear mind of Kengan.)

Praticed light saber forms:

Shii-Cho- 2
Makashi-2
Soresu-1
Ataru -N/A
Shien / Djem So-3
Niman-3
>>Sub-form Jar-kai, or duel Weild-3
>>Sub-form Backhanded-2
Juyo / Vaapad -N/A
Double Bladed CombatN/A

Force Powers

Telekinetic: 3
Telepathic: 1
Body: 2
Sense: 6
Protection: 3
Healing: 1
Destruction: 5

Physical Strength: 10 (Only becuase of his Massassi Race)
Intelligence: 4 (Becuase of Massassi race)
Speed: 6
Leadership: 2

Unarmed: 8
Melee Weapons: 6
Ranged Weapons: 0

Force attunement: -3


Rp Sample: (I need to character use like a NPC so here i go)

Kengan laysout his wares across a cloth of a cloth to auction off to the highest bidder. The dust storm had just passed and Kengan needed some money to fix up a broken down ship he had found crashed landed in the desert and way to broken down to fly. He now needed to find some parts and the obtain the right amount of money to get it up and running so he could leave Korriban for good.

Once out in the universe he would make a great name fo himself among the other great Assassin Jedi. Kengan awaits a potential customer to arrive before shouting. "Come! Come! Look at my merchandise, it's one of a kind ya know? Please sir take a look at my product, it's very good..." Kengan almost begged trying not to make the man do anything he didnt want to.
"No thanks....kinda short on credits..." The man answered as he put his hand in his pocket and pulled out an empty hand. Kengan sighed and let the man go. Another very wealthy looking gentleman arrives and peaks at Kengan's wares. Kengan smiles to make a good impression but knows that the rich man will not waste his hard earned cash on his merchandise. Kengan waves hand at the man.
"Find anything interesting?" Kengan asked as the man shook his head with a sour look on his face. He must have been disgusted by Kengans face or maybe just his sales pitch but he was leaving right away. Kengan ways his hand again, "You will buy something...." Kengan said as the man returned repeating Kengans words to him. He lifted up a small globe like figure and hands Kengan a 200 credits. Kengan hands the man back 50 credits and lets him go along his way. 'I didnt want to do that but.......i need to eat.' Kengan said as he waved the credits around. He smiled as he wrapped up the remaining wares and heads off to another village. He buys a few supplies and a couple of cloths to rewrap his wares in. After buying supplies it leaves Kengan with little to nothing to buy parts with. Now he must do it all over again this time in a different city or village.

(Sample done....)

[Jenno]

First of all, please edit your first post so that it is the application I should be looking at, don't post the actual one further down the page, it makes it confusing.

Now, PSF and myself spoke about this and we decided that we were against allowing the Massassi race.

'However, there was at least one Massassi living on Korriban in 3,993 BBY, indicating that at least some members of the race survived. '

Is the only quote on wookiepedia which suggests their survival, however it is far too vague and it's more than likely that they died off. So this will mean you have to rewrite a lot of your profile.

Secondly, I would like to suggest that you space out your paragraphs, it makes the piece more 'reader friendly'.

he could hear the thoughts of his people on the opposite side of the world.

You don't go from not being able to feel the force to suddenly be able to hear the thoughts of people on the opposite side of the world. I doubt even a great master could do such a thing.

And now we slip back into the 'Sith' topic, there are no 'Darth's as the title is Sith and as previously said, they've been dead for hundreds of years.

Lightsaber is one word, opposed to light-saber.

Korack stayed outside as Kengan entered the tomb, awaiting him to emerge with a crystal.Kengan entered with a blade to protect himself although danger in these caves were minimal he still needed it. Kengan found himself near a pulse of some kind of power that he seemed to think was mind boggling. He explored the cave to find an open cavern filled with crystals an assortment of colors all around in clusters of crystals. He approaches one and smiles as he touches it. He tries to break a piece off but is stopped by a stronger pulse from across the cavern it got stronger and stronger as Kengan approached it. He was staring at his crystal the one that would grow with him as he got stronger. He broke off a piece of it to take back out of the cave as he left the cavern.

If you notice, half way through you change from past to present tense and then back to past, please try to avoid doing this in the future.

'simple dual wield'

Dual sabers is not simple ;P.

They agreed to no force powered

They would be using the force to speed their movements, foresee attacks etc etc, it's what one's naturally taught to do. If you're referring to the use of Force powers other than those naturally used in saber fighting, please make the distinction.

In regards to the whole piece, if you want the Assassin/Knight rank then you'll need to make amendments to your spelling and grammar so that everything runs smoother, otherwise you wont be able to get the rank.

Your saber stats, Shii-Cho is too low, Shii-Cho is the form which serves as a basis to any other form, so you'd have to have more than a 2 in it in order to make other styles easier to learn.

And your attributes, 10 is nigh impossible as you've seen it is referred to as 'godly'.

Okay, once you want me to look through things again, post.

Thank you,

~Jenno

[Jenno]

Moved to Incomplete Profiles.