Rioran Ahgoras

[popomiep]

Jedi:

Name: Rioran Ahgoras
Race: Human
Age: 12
Height:4'11
Weight: 87 lb'
Appearance: Blonde hair in the padawan fashion:buzz with a braid on the right side. Bright, intelligent blue eyes. a normal facial build, and just a few freckles here and there. He wears beige jedi clothing and when he wants to, a brown jedi robe.
Birth place: Coruscant

Faction: Jedi

Rank:Youngling(late stages)

Bio: Rioran was born on Coruscant in a normal middle-class family. He played sometimes with his friends when they were able to come over, but they were rarely able. Sometimes he saw things, visions about what would happen. These visions showed him what would happen, who he would meet in time, and sometimes just pictures. His parents took the news of his visions to the Council. They decided to give him a midi-clorian count. His midi-clorians were in the average Jedi range, nothing to serious and not too weak. Just about right. When he could, they took him for training as a Jedi. He is still a youngling

Lightsaber: Single

Color: Blue

[projectsunfire]

I would place 12 as being more along the lines of mid to late Youngling as opposed to early Padawan Stages.

A Padawan needs a master to teach him. There is no mention of this master. Rading over your Bio makes me want suggest you research Starwars a little bit, before your second pass at this Bio.

Flesh it out once you've researched some.

www.wookieepedia.com

[popomiep]

I made some adjustments. hope this checks out.

[projectsunfire]

Do a Grammer and Punctuation Pass please.

[Kipper Lennox]

Once your Bio is fleshed out enough to the satisfaction of the Mods, my Jedi character is looking for a Padawan if you're interested. He's kinda stuck in the Council Chamber just now though, but give me a shout. =)

[niben]

I'm just passing through, hoping to help people get their chars. accepted before a mod's next review and happened to stumble by something.

That bio is tiny. My guy is 17 and has like a 5 long paragraph bio. Also. You tell absolutely nothing about his training. How can you expect his to be in his late stages if we know absolutely nothing about him. All you said is that he saw pictures and became a jedi. I suggest you make your bio longer, and make it alot more detailed. Don't forget about his lightsaber.

Without making these changes, I can bet anything I own that this will not be accepted.

Hope it helps
Theon

[Jenno]

Moved to Incomplete Profiles.