William Pierce (WIP)

[Lionheart]

I'm not a mod but here are some things regarding the stats. An 8 in a force stat is pretty much a master level, and a padawan would definetly not have an 8. I'd say at most he'd have a 6 in Force stats. Not sure about Force Wave/Pulse. Also, a 9 is like the best in the galaxy and are usually to be avoided, and he'd need to be specifically trained for a 6-7 in ranged depending on the bio.

Below a 5 is less than average, 5 is about average, 6 above average, 7 very skilled, 8 master level, 9 one of the best in the galaxy, 10 is something like best in centuries and are generally not allowed. As a padawan anything over 6 would need to probably be explained in depth in the bio.

[starwarsgirl008]

***I am not a mod., so you really don't have to listen to my review...

First off, let me say this bio. was very well written. I saw only a few grammar/spelling mistakes, so I praise you on that matter. However...

This site is very tricky when dealing with certain facts. While this site's main goal is for everyone to have fun, we do have some strict rules when dealing with facts.

Rule A: 99.9999999999(you get the point)% of the time the Jedi Order does not allow anyone to be trained through their program after the age of 5. That measily 0.00001% only occurs when a very specific and exceptional reason is given. I have seen the mods. allow this to happen once on my time in this site, so your chances are slim, especially because your character is 13 years above the age limit.

Do not fear, there is an easy way to get this character accepted without destroying this profile! Simply change the last few paragraphs and put this profile in the Fringe sign-ups as a Grey Jedi. Your attunement and background already have this character leaning toward that faction anyway, so it is a perfect match. If you really want this character in the Jedi Order you will have some major revising, and I suggest you take a glance at the rules and other accepted bios. first.

Stats.:

First off, you need some numbers (1-5) for your lightsaber stats. If you were in the Jedi Order, these stats. would not be acceptable, as you would have had to master Shii-Cho before moving on to other stats., and your character hasn't lived long enough to have more than a 1 in another stat. if his life was based around lightsaber combat. However, if you were a Grey Jedi lightsaber training would have no order restrictions, so I would suggest a 2 in Shii-Cho, a 2 in Makashi and a 1 in Ataru.

Your next grouping of stats. look O.K. in comparison to your bio.'s details.

I don't see any specific support that your character was taught Force Wave/Pulse in the bio. Although you do say he trained in the Force, you need to specifically name the moves learned in order to list it under specialized skills.

Your attributes seem a tad on the high side. I see no indication your character practiced or showed above average intelligence. It seems his monk trainer may have uncovered some things, but not him. I would give it a 2 or 3 unless you wish to add detail. Again, I do not see any training in physical strength or speed (which humans usually do not obtain naturally) and i see no case in which your character shows leadership skills. Perhaps when training he worked out and sparred and such, but you need to specifically indicate that if you want an above average rating. And as for leadership, it seems he followed either his parents or this monk his entire life. When did he show leadership skills?

Again, there is no indication of unarmed training or ranged weapon training. If your character knows how to point and pull a trigger or hit something with his fist then he should be ranked around 1 or 2. If he has been trained in accuracy, has some muscle power or some strategy when fighting that can be raised, but again you will need some detail added to the bio. Same goes for melee training, which does NOT include lightsaber training.

Attunement looks good, I don't see any thoughts of pure anger but I also don't see major ethical decisions made that benefit others. This would support a Grey Jedi character- *hint* *hint* *wink* *wink*

Yes, I know this site may have some very strict rules that can be annoying, but keep in mind creating a character is suppose to be fun, so don't pull your hair out working on one. If you need any help you can PM a mod. Good luck! ;D

[Mara]

Please do not delete your profile just because you get some revisions posted to your profile... We are just here to help.

In the future, though, just edit your profile or ask it to be moved to inactive if you plan on dropping the character.

[William Pierce]

Hey Mara,
I didn't delete my profile due to revisions. I deleted my comments so that the thread could collapse -- but it didn't so that was an epic fail on my part.

Sorry about it still being here. If it could be deleted or moved to inactive that would be awesome.