Ozma'von

[Deithmare]

Name:Ozma’von
Race:Twi’lek
Age:22
Height:6’1
Weight:170 lbs.

Appearance: (ignore the funky pants)
Birth place:Correlia

Faction:Jedi
Rank:Knight

Bio:

Childhood: Ozma was born under Leyra’von and Tialma’von. He wouldn’t have the opportunity to familiarize himself with his mother, for she passed away whilst giving birth. Although such a tragic event had occurred, as a result his father lessened his time at the factory in order to spend more time with Ozma. In spending so much time with his son, he came to realize how unique he was. He seemed gifted in several aspects of life, not only that but he was much stronger than anyone else his age. Little did he know that his life would change before it even started.

On Ozma’s third birthday he was visited by two very mysterious men. Strangely enough, they convinced his father that he would be given training, a very specific type of training only available to those with Jedi potential. Apparently, Ozma has an astronomical amount of potential, much more than most the two men had seen. Tialma’von allowed the two men to train his son, knowing that he would do much more as a Jedi than he could ever do here. Ozma’s father said one final goodbye to his son as he watched him leave, knowing he’d move on to better things.


Youngling Years: Having been taken in at such a young age, Ozma was able to understand and master such basic techniques before most other younglings. This development led to Ozma’von becoming quite bored with daily routines, hoping for something a bit more advanced. His first time picking up a light saber didn’t seem to bother or confuse him in the least bit. Immediately he took to it, maneuvering around as if he had been practicing with one in his very dreams. His instructors were quite marveled at how quickly he had taken to such an adept art.

After cruising through lesson after lesson, it was obvious that Ozma’von was ready for a bit more responsibility. His instructors saw fit that he’d be just right to seek out training as a Padawan. Many were skeptic in the pure fact that he was a bit too young to venture out into the galaxy and risk his life when he could wait a few more years and ensure he is both mentally and physically prepared for such a task. After much consultation, his instructors had finally agreed on taking him in as a Padawan. One instructor in particular volunteered to be his master, one that could very well allow Ozma to follow through with such lightsaber mastery as he had exemplified.


Padawan Stage: At the age of eleven, Ozma’von had become a Padawan. His master took him on various missions, allowing him to test his skill in a more thorough manner. His master taught him to fight in a more unorthodox manner, however he couldn’t effectively utilize such an odd fighting style in Shii-Cho form. Which is why he took on various forms, most notably that of Jark-kai. However, having not yet mastered Shii-Cho, taking on a new form would definitely be his toughest task thus far.

Years had passed, Ozma’von had very much impressed his master in most, if not all aspects of his training. By Twi’lek standards, Ozma had become an adult by this time. He wished to become a knight, however the council disallowed such a request due to his young age. So, unfortunately the Twi’lek had to stay a Padawan for six more years, even though his skills had easily exemplified he was ready for much more. Slight anger resonated throughout his being, his master understood his reason for being so angry, however he helped Ozma’von realize that he couldn’t allow anger to consume him.


Knighthood: Once Ozma’von had reached the proper age, he was finally ready for Knighthood. He had mastered the form of Shii-Cho, whilst learning many others. The Twi’lek had realized is master’s as well as his father’s expectations. However, a slight sense of anger still burned and dwelled within the Jedi, and continues to do so even to this day..




Lightsaber:Dual Wield
Color:Purple/Blue (Hurrikaine/Opila) (Permafrost/Opila)

Practiced Lightsaber forms:

Shii-Cho: 5
Makashi: 3
Soresu: 2
Ataru: 4
Shien / Djem So: 2
>>Sub-form Backhanded: N/A
Niman: 3
>>Sub-form Jar-kai: 4
Juyo: N/A
Double Bladed Combat: 3

Force-Sensitive Abilities or practices:

Telekinetic:4
Telepathic:4
Body:4
Sense:6
Protection:6
Healing:3
Destruction:7

Specialized Skills:Force Push, Force Seeing

Attributes:

Physical Strength:5
Intelligence:6
Speed:5
Leadership:4

Unarmed:4
Melee Weapons:5
Ranged Weapons:3

Languages:Twi’lek, Basic

Force Attunement:+5

RP Sample:It's quiet...

Sat in the dark corner of his bedroom, Leon Hart remained in absolute silence as he remained in a state quite similar to sleep. Eyes closed, he was almost totally shut off from the outside world, although any sudden noise would quite possibly awaken him from this temporary shut-down. Thinking about times in the past, his mind drifted to his capture, a few hundred years ago.

Totally unexpected...

Having been stuck inside a crystal ball for centuries, forced to live by himself, tortured by the fact that he'd been kept alive and forced to deal with the pain of solitude and having no-one else, it had mentally had its toll on him. Psychologically, it had caused him to awaken to the world, and become more deadly than he ever had been. His life had more purpose now, to perfect his skills and to continue repaying his debt to the person who had freed him from his prison. He would find whoever had trapped him in there and pay them back for their actions. The problem remained in the fact that the man who had trapped him could possibly be dead.

But I must seek him... I'll find some way to make him pay for what he did...

Revenge was a must now, and he was determined to achieve it. The powers of his tormentor were strong, but he would find some way to overcome them, although he may need some help doing so. Opening his eyes slowly, he looked around the room. It was still the dead of night, early in the morning. He glanced at the clock on the side dresser. It was 2:47am. He looked back. The last few nights, various houses had become the victim of arson attacks, they'd yet to find who it was that had been committing them. Leon sighed and leaned back against the wall.

"Haven't had a contract offer for days, things must be quite in the world of assassination."

Then, he heard a noise outside. People walking. He sighed. He'd become too paranoid in his age, although there was reason in the modern world. After all, he lived currently in a block of flats, a couple of stories off of the ground, somewhere in the middle levels of the block. People were always walking around this place, those coming home and those leaving. Nothing threatening. Or so he thought, until the glass pane of the window behind him shattered. He moved immediately as he rolled to the side to cover himself from the glass. His eyes shot to the left and he noticed a flaming brick hit the floor.

"An arson attack? So it's our turn to be the victim of these attacks."

The brick hit the floor and set a rug alight. Leon smiled. The rug was the only thing that would be set alight, everything else was too far away from it to be affected. However, another brick came through, setting the curtains on fire as they came. Leon shot around in surprise.

"Two bricks? My, this attack must be fairly serious. However, I'd best see to this quickly. Ryuusa Bakuryu!"

Sand shot out of the gourd on his back, moving instantly towards the fire on the curtains. Enough to put it out in amount, covering it and smothering out the flames. He smiled and turned to the rug. It had been destroyed, a pity really. He turned to the window and gazed out. Two figures running away down the street.

"Well well, let's see what this is about."

Grabbing the gourd and jumping out of the window, he landed on the hard ground, and rolled to remove the tough impact. Getting up quickly, he saw them turn a corner at high pace. He smiled slyly. He knew the town better than anyone. They couldn't lose him, no chance. He gave chase.

[starwarsgirl008]

***I am not a mod., so you really don't have to listen to my review...

An interesting profile, however, it may need some tweaking.

First off, the height to weight ratio seems a litttle off. My dad is only 6', and weighs around 220lbs, and is still fairly thin. You may want to do some research and look for a more realistic ratio.

Bio.:
You are off to a good start, but I think this tale lacks what most memebers (including me) struggle with: detail. Starting off at his younger years, what did he do with his father? Did he ever learn anything about his mother? Did he have friends? What actinos and events shaped his emotions and personality? Answers to these questions will form a better understanding of your character. Furthermore, I am a little confused as to how his Force abilities were discovered. Was there a midi-chlorian test? And why did his father offer to let him go without objection?

The Youngling years are pretty good. I would just find it more helpful if you gave us some numbers for his age in the beginning, and perhaps a few sentences about his interactions with others and such. FYI- 3 isn't neccessarily a young age for children to brought into the Order. Many children, especially ones on republic planets, were brought in shortly after birth.

I would say Padawan years need the most work. Describe the missions he goes on, what did he learn, what did he do, how do these skills help him? Also, before entering Knighthood, one needs to complete the Jedi Trials, whther it be officialy or unofficially through missions (check on Wookieepedia for more missions) the Council decides when this process begins, but they do not automatically make Padawans Knights.

Lightsaber Stats.:

You give stats. that could represent that of a Master's. It is impossible for any Jedi your age, no matter how hard and long he has trained, to rank in that range. Understand that most Jedi master Shii-Cho and then go onto learn one or two other forms that suit them well. A exceptional ranking for one your age is a 5 in Shii-Cho, a 2 in one form and a 3 in another.

Other Stats.:

It is very hard to grade these as you lack some detail in your bio. No Jedi can have over a 5 in destruction, and you have no examples of your character displaying physical action. I would say no higher than a 2 in this.

Attunement:

Again, lack of detail prevents a proper grading for this. Seeing that you think your character is so destructive i don't see why you gave him a +5. Furthermore, he has minimal interaction with others, and there are no examples of ethical desicions. I would say a +1 or +2.

Again, good start, but it stilll needs some work.

[C_Munkie *Wishing For A/C*]

Jun 15, 2009 16:22:10 GMT -5 starwarsgirl008 said:

First off, the height to weight ratio seems a litttle off. My dad is only 6', and weighs around 220lbs, and is still fairly thin. You may want to do some research and look for a more realistic ratio.

Not to blatantly disagree with you, but I must. I am 6'2 and I weigh about 160. Admittedly, I am thin, but I am not skin and bones. I think that being 6'1 and 170 is well within reason.

Everything else you said I agree with. But I would also like to add my own emphasis that having a 7 in destruction and still maintaining a +5 attunement is nigh impossible.

[Kella]

Hey there! Welcome to the site! ;D SWG gave you some good advice, so make sure you take all of that into account. ;D

Mostly general comments from here on out. :P Some bits contain my own personal bias, but I suggest strongly considering said things. ;)

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Flaws make RP interesting. They make it real. Many of the deeper, more engaging characters have gone through a lot of hardship. They've met a lot of challenges. So while it's cool to have a prodigy character... there's a lot of them. And even though its more work, you can end up with a better character if you heap challenges and flaws upon them. Just a thought. :P

Lightsaber crystals: You have some pretty rare crystals there, which you'll need to explain in-bio. He had to get them from somewhere. :P The usual Jedi only has access to blue and green crystals. One can come up with really neat stories surrounding the discovery of a saber crystal. ;D It's fun, and a great way to spice up your bio. Wookieepedia has information as to where certain Saber Crystals can be found.

Just like SWG said, every Jedi is required to go through a set of four trials to become a Knight. The trials of Spirit, Flesh, Courage, and Skill. (Click here.) Again, great way to add detail to your bio.

Lightsaber stats: At this point in time, a Jedi would be expected to have a 5 in Shii-Cho, and 3-4 points distributed between 1-2 other forms. Anything above that, I really don't think is justified.

If you have special abilities like Force Push or Force Seeing, you need to specifically mention them in-bio, even if it's only briefly. Helps make things more fair, and more interesting. ;D

RP Sample: Not a bad piece of writing! However, it's usually encouraged that the character portrayed in the RP sample is the one the bio is for. This way, everybody gets a feel for how you're going to portray this particular character. ;D

~~~

And that's about it, for now. Remember, this is just to expand on what was previously mentioned. ;D All the points above are good ones.

And once again, welcome! Glad to have you here at SWURP. I wish you speedy approval, and fun RP times!

[Jenno]

Moved to Incomplete Profiles.