Post by Talau the Ever-Lurking on Oct 20, 2009 3:43:19 GMT -5
((song by Within Temptation: See Who I Am --link--))
Aunna was right to be wary.
As he led her back into the ship, she remained oddly silent…even her mind was silent, feeling as if she were on the edge of something big…something important. It made her anxious and fidgety, but she stubbornly refused the actions her body requested of her. That discomfort was far more tangible to her as he led her into his quarters and guided her into sitting in the chair he’d set out. He was unreadable to her…stoic as usual…but there was something roiling just beneath the surface…something she couldn’t quite grasp. When he took the saber from her hand and set it aside, she narrowed her eyes at him slightly, wondering just what was going on.
“You won’t need this for now. Relax, pet. This shouldn’t hurt. Just relax. I will need you to allow me in. It will make things easier.”
Those words had her eying him even more suspiciously. She couldn’t help it really, to look at him that way, simply because she knew nothing about what he was about to do. What shouldn’t hurt? Make WHAT easier, exactly? Vex wanted her to relax, but he wasn’t telling her what was going to happen either, and that had her very much UNrelaxed. She would, however, attempt to do as he asked. With a fortifying breath and a heavy sigh of air, Aunna closed her eyes for a moment and forced her muscles to relax slightly, willing herself to be unafraid. It was difficult, however, to be unafraid when one knew they were standing on the edge of something important…not knowing what that important thing was or how it was going to happen…and that whatever was going to happen was going to be brought on by a person who could, with a series of thoughts, rip her to shreds in more ways than one.
It was the ultimate test of faith and trust, what he was asking her, though it may not have seemed that way.
The question now was…did she trust him that much?
Opening those sapphire eyes once more, Aunna nodded once as she gazed up into those deep eyes. Even as his touch pressed against her temples, she closed her eyes and dropped any and all barriers to him…reluctantly. Even as she felt his presence wrap about her, shrouding everything from her consciousness, she realized how very vulnerable she was to him at this moment…he could see everything, feel everything, KNOW everything about her. In a moment of instinct, she sought to bring up those protective barriers against him, fearing this new…and far more profound…threat to her, something that no demon from her past could have ever done to her. Vex could –see- her…not the Aunna that she showed the world, not the show she put on for everyone…the brave face, the collected and calm personality, the stubborn and prideful persona…he could see the real her…the truth of her...like this.
It terrified her.
Is it true what they say,
Are we too blind to find the way?
Fear of the unknown cloud our hearts today.
Come into my world,
See through my eyes.
Try to understand,
Don't want to lose what we have
Despite her better judgment, Aunna struggled against herself for a moment…forcing those instinctual barriers back down. Only one thought allowed her to succeed in the struggle against herself: “trust him…have faith.” Finally those barriers, forged strong in her fear, lowered and he would be able to see the whole of her. There were more scars here than on her body, and far more visible ones…some still fresh and ready to tear open and begin bleeding again at any moment, others were dulled and faded from long ago, two were blackened things...deep and painful despite the fact they were far from fresh.
He would be able to see all of her past, how it had shaped her, toughened her, had brought about those willful and prideful streaks in her…the mask she used to cover her pain and embarrassment. Memories of her childhood, growing up with Jade, one of two strong willed children. How Jade had confessed, grudgingly, to changing blood samples while the doctor wasn't looking because HE didn't want to be a jedi. How her brother was encouraged to nurture his talents in all fields, yet she was only encouraged to explore those befitting a girl of nobility. Brief glimpses of camping with her father and brother when she was young and such things were mildly acceptable, and then the hurt she'd felt when she was no long allowed to accompany them...simply because of her gender and the will of her mother and that side of her family. The strict and planned routines of daily life, the hours of study for classes, exams for her medical courses, the battery of lessons (defensive, artistic, etiquette and protocol)...how there was barely a moment left in the day for herself. He would see the explosive argument that ensued after she informed her parents that she had enlisted in the Corellian Navy, then after that the training and her short years as a fighter pilot...including the dogfight that earned her the second class Bloodstripes.
He would be able to catch glimpses of those years...snippets of them...concluding with the visions she'd had of Vex himself, as well as the wedding of Rook's brother and all that it had entailed...right down to the painful way it had ended and her transfer into the Republic Army as she sought to free herself of the male dominated navy and to rid herself of the swiftly growing shadow of her brother. Andrew appeared in the years after, and then...at the end of those years...Vex would be able to finally understand just why Aunna had been so diminished in the force when he met her. She had cut herself off, she didn't know she'd done so, but she had. She had sworn to herself to never sing again after that night when Andrew had attacked her, and her link to the force had very nearly sealed itself completely because of it.
He would be able to see the gentle being she truly was, wishing to heal rather than harm, preferring to care rather than remain cold. He would know, now, how she felt about herself, put herself down, yet pulled herself up at the same time, constantly struggling with which side would win out…feeling useless but knowing that she wasn’t. Every thought she might or might not have, every emotion she felt, every part of her was revealed to him if he chose to notice it. Fear and anxiety were predominant, followed by a cautious trust, but those were both eclipsed by surprise as he opened himself in return.
Taken aback, Aunna was uncertain what to do, when suddenly she felt that gaping maw open before her. It threatened to pull her in, roaring its fury at her, begging to drain the very fire of her soul from her if only Vex would allow it to do so. She, again, fought herself to keep down those barriers…it was too late anyway, now they were attached thus…bound through the force in such a way…and she relented. He would do what he would do, and if it ended her there wasn’t much she could do about it.
He won’t allow that…calm down Aun, and get hold of yourself.
At last she tentatively relaxed, just as that hungry beast below her calmed. For one, tense, moment all was silent around her…the calm before the storm that she could never have, and would never have, expected.
“Intense” could never describe what happened next…no word could…no combination of words, in any language, could ever hope to define just what he did…how it felt. He was there, suddenly, prickling against her mind and her thoughts, dragging her into a whirlwind of sensory information that she couldn’t quite grasp so swiftly. Yet she did…he wouldn’t allow otherwise…he embedded it into her. Like the most expert of craftsmen he layered that information, those memories, upon her own…molding the two together, fusing them into something more coherent. It was overwhelmingly odd to see the world as he did…feel it…as he did…
…experience the universe as he had…
It was an incredibly intimate experience that left her staggering mentally.
Fear is withering the soul
At the point of no return.
We must be the change
We wish to see.
I'll come into your world,
See through your eyes.
I'll try to understand,
Before we lose what we've had.
The memories he let flow into her mind, they were of training, but…there was more. The jedi…the temple and the people within…people who had cared, who he’d lived with and laughed with. The beautiful face of a twi’lek woman…the way they’d bonded…how he’d grown with her. There was something else…the beautiful twi’lek, a woman she could only assume was either his master or partner (perhaps both), she’d been injured. The memory had been scattered, blurs of motion and thought and sight, but she’d seen the injury to the woman, the accident that had happened. She could see everything he’d seen, felt the pain and fear in him as he’d tried to heal her only to have her still slipping away…then the anger, the frustration and that heart wrenching fear that she would die, bubbled up and that healing lightning had crackled forth from him. It was all too familiar to Aunna…that memory of his flickering with the hazy memories she had of her own experience with that healing...the pain of the healing, the cold chill of her death creeping in only to be pushed away again, the light she’d seen in him…that was what had kept her focus on him rather than the pain he’d put her through.
We just can't stop believing
'Cause we have to try.
We can rise above
Their truth and their lies.
See who I am,
Break through the surface.
Reach for my hand,
Let's show them that we can
Free our minds and find a way.
The world is in our hands
Then she felt his world begin to crumble.
The pain of that denial…it mirrored her own, the betrayal she’d felt time and again.
It was all too much.
Hear the silence
Preaching my blame.
Will our strength remain
If their power reigns?
See who I am,
Break through the surface.
Reach for my hand,
Let's show them that we can
Free our minds and find a way.
The world is in our hands...
Even before those memories of his began to slow, to drain away, tears had begun to slide down the sides of her face from out of tightly closed eyes. He labeled her a ‘bleeding heart’…perhaps she was. Aunna cared deeply for others, and this highly personal experience left her shaken to her very core. There was so much pain in him…some she could relate to…some she couldn’t. Even as he carefully released her from that hold he’d had on her, she was trembling from the experience…hurting as he’d been hurt…as she was still hurting. As he let her go, looking at her, her head bowed, the soft feathers of her hair shading her face from view as those silent tears fell. Even when he spoke her name Aunna could do nothing but remain silent, trying to make some sort of sense from everything he’d imparted upon her. After what felt like ages she finally managed something.
--Vex…I…--
See who I am,
Break through the surface.
Reach for my hand,
Let's show them that we can
Free our minds and find a way.
The world is in our hands,
This is not the end.
Those barriers couldn’t be raised…not now…not after so much…not with all the pain that had come in the ending of those memories.
He would have been able to feel...to hear and experience as she did...that song as it echoed through her mind. The connections she felt linking those words, first to her, then to him, twining about the memories that flowed from him to her...showing her deeper meanings as the emotions she felt brought about those lyrics. The vivid, yet dark, colors that the music brought to her mind's eye. Each word, each syllable, brought a new layer of meaning...sensory, in the form of his memories...emotional, reflecting both her own and those she received from him...but there was more to it than that. The force was bringing her information through those words...showing her hints and warnings that applied to both of them, pointing her in the direction she needed to go. She felt it binding around her, slipping through her blood and gliding along her muscles. That song didn't hinder him in any way...connected as he was with her, he would be able to feel (as she was) that, if anything, the song was encouraging him, guiding those unintentional memories that flowed from both of them.
Slowly, the grip of that song released her...and him.
At last those blue eyes opened to look at him, still filled with tears that fell quietly, barely lifting her head enough to meet his concerned gaze. He was at eye level with her now, kneeling in front of her…she didn’t know when it had happened, nor did she particularly care as she wrapped her arms around him and burying her face in that black mane of hair that fell around his head and neck. She wanted to tell him she was alright, to ease his concerns…no, Aunna didn’t believe he’d harmed her in any way…but she couldn’t truthfully say that she was alright either. She still trembled from the power of the experience, it had had an effect on her like the song had on Kuuto and Veera’s ship, when he’d found her there…except this time, there was so much MORE. Besides, words seemed to be escaping her…at least verbally.
--Please…just…just hold me…if only for a few moments.--
It was a timid, but heart felt, request…something she felt she needed to recover from the shock, and stress, of it all.
Aunna was right to be wary.
As he led her back into the ship, she remained oddly silent…even her mind was silent, feeling as if she were on the edge of something big…something important. It made her anxious and fidgety, but she stubbornly refused the actions her body requested of her. That discomfort was far more tangible to her as he led her into his quarters and guided her into sitting in the chair he’d set out. He was unreadable to her…stoic as usual…but there was something roiling just beneath the surface…something she couldn’t quite grasp. When he took the saber from her hand and set it aside, she narrowed her eyes at him slightly, wondering just what was going on.
“You won’t need this for now. Relax, pet. This shouldn’t hurt. Just relax. I will need you to allow me in. It will make things easier.”
Those words had her eying him even more suspiciously. She couldn’t help it really, to look at him that way, simply because she knew nothing about what he was about to do. What shouldn’t hurt? Make WHAT easier, exactly? Vex wanted her to relax, but he wasn’t telling her what was going to happen either, and that had her very much UNrelaxed. She would, however, attempt to do as he asked. With a fortifying breath and a heavy sigh of air, Aunna closed her eyes for a moment and forced her muscles to relax slightly, willing herself to be unafraid. It was difficult, however, to be unafraid when one knew they were standing on the edge of something important…not knowing what that important thing was or how it was going to happen…and that whatever was going to happen was going to be brought on by a person who could, with a series of thoughts, rip her to shreds in more ways than one.
It was the ultimate test of faith and trust, what he was asking her, though it may not have seemed that way.
The question now was…did she trust him that much?
Opening those sapphire eyes once more, Aunna nodded once as she gazed up into those deep eyes. Even as his touch pressed against her temples, she closed her eyes and dropped any and all barriers to him…reluctantly. Even as she felt his presence wrap about her, shrouding everything from her consciousness, she realized how very vulnerable she was to him at this moment…he could see everything, feel everything, KNOW everything about her. In a moment of instinct, she sought to bring up those protective barriers against him, fearing this new…and far more profound…threat to her, something that no demon from her past could have ever done to her. Vex could –see- her…not the Aunna that she showed the world, not the show she put on for everyone…the brave face, the collected and calm personality, the stubborn and prideful persona…he could see the real her…the truth of her...like this.
It terrified her.
Is it true what they say,
Are we too blind to find the way?
Fear of the unknown cloud our hearts today.
Come into my world,
See through my eyes.
Try to understand,
Don't want to lose what we have
Despite her better judgment, Aunna struggled against herself for a moment…forcing those instinctual barriers back down. Only one thought allowed her to succeed in the struggle against herself: “trust him…have faith.” Finally those barriers, forged strong in her fear, lowered and he would be able to see the whole of her. There were more scars here than on her body, and far more visible ones…some still fresh and ready to tear open and begin bleeding again at any moment, others were dulled and faded from long ago, two were blackened things...deep and painful despite the fact they were far from fresh.
He would be able to see all of her past, how it had shaped her, toughened her, had brought about those willful and prideful streaks in her…the mask she used to cover her pain and embarrassment. Memories of her childhood, growing up with Jade, one of two strong willed children. How Jade had confessed, grudgingly, to changing blood samples while the doctor wasn't looking because HE didn't want to be a jedi. How her brother was encouraged to nurture his talents in all fields, yet she was only encouraged to explore those befitting a girl of nobility. Brief glimpses of camping with her father and brother when she was young and such things were mildly acceptable, and then the hurt she'd felt when she was no long allowed to accompany them...simply because of her gender and the will of her mother and that side of her family. The strict and planned routines of daily life, the hours of study for classes, exams for her medical courses, the battery of lessons (defensive, artistic, etiquette and protocol)...how there was barely a moment left in the day for herself. He would see the explosive argument that ensued after she informed her parents that she had enlisted in the Corellian Navy, then after that the training and her short years as a fighter pilot...including the dogfight that earned her the second class Bloodstripes.
He would be able to catch glimpses of those years...snippets of them...concluding with the visions she'd had of Vex himself, as well as the wedding of Rook's brother and all that it had entailed...right down to the painful way it had ended and her transfer into the Republic Army as she sought to free herself of the male dominated navy and to rid herself of the swiftly growing shadow of her brother. Andrew appeared in the years after, and then...at the end of those years...Vex would be able to finally understand just why Aunna had been so diminished in the force when he met her. She had cut herself off, she didn't know she'd done so, but she had. She had sworn to herself to never sing again after that night when Andrew had attacked her, and her link to the force had very nearly sealed itself completely because of it.
He would be able to see the gentle being she truly was, wishing to heal rather than harm, preferring to care rather than remain cold. He would know, now, how she felt about herself, put herself down, yet pulled herself up at the same time, constantly struggling with which side would win out…feeling useless but knowing that she wasn’t. Every thought she might or might not have, every emotion she felt, every part of her was revealed to him if he chose to notice it. Fear and anxiety were predominant, followed by a cautious trust, but those were both eclipsed by surprise as he opened himself in return.
Taken aback, Aunna was uncertain what to do, when suddenly she felt that gaping maw open before her. It threatened to pull her in, roaring its fury at her, begging to drain the very fire of her soul from her if only Vex would allow it to do so. She, again, fought herself to keep down those barriers…it was too late anyway, now they were attached thus…bound through the force in such a way…and she relented. He would do what he would do, and if it ended her there wasn’t much she could do about it.
He won’t allow that…calm down Aun, and get hold of yourself.
At last she tentatively relaxed, just as that hungry beast below her calmed. For one, tense, moment all was silent around her…the calm before the storm that she could never have, and would never have, expected.
“Intense” could never describe what happened next…no word could…no combination of words, in any language, could ever hope to define just what he did…how it felt. He was there, suddenly, prickling against her mind and her thoughts, dragging her into a whirlwind of sensory information that she couldn’t quite grasp so swiftly. Yet she did…he wouldn’t allow otherwise…he embedded it into her. Like the most expert of craftsmen he layered that information, those memories, upon her own…molding the two together, fusing them into something more coherent. It was overwhelmingly odd to see the world as he did…feel it…as he did…
…experience the universe as he had…
It was an incredibly intimate experience that left her staggering mentally.
Fear is withering the soul
At the point of no return.
We must be the change
We wish to see.
I'll come into your world,
See through your eyes.
I'll try to understand,
Before we lose what we've had.
The memories he let flow into her mind, they were of training, but…there was more. The jedi…the temple and the people within…people who had cared, who he’d lived with and laughed with. The beautiful face of a twi’lek woman…the way they’d bonded…how he’d grown with her. There was something else…the beautiful twi’lek, a woman she could only assume was either his master or partner (perhaps both), she’d been injured. The memory had been scattered, blurs of motion and thought and sight, but she’d seen the injury to the woman, the accident that had happened. She could see everything he’d seen, felt the pain and fear in him as he’d tried to heal her only to have her still slipping away…then the anger, the frustration and that heart wrenching fear that she would die, bubbled up and that healing lightning had crackled forth from him. It was all too familiar to Aunna…that memory of his flickering with the hazy memories she had of her own experience with that healing...the pain of the healing, the cold chill of her death creeping in only to be pushed away again, the light she’d seen in him…that was what had kept her focus on him rather than the pain he’d put her through.
We just can't stop believing
'Cause we have to try.
We can rise above
Their truth and their lies.
See who I am,
Break through the surface.
Reach for my hand,
Let's show them that we can
Free our minds and find a way.
The world is in our hands
Then she felt his world begin to crumble.
The pain of that denial…it mirrored her own, the betrayal she’d felt time and again.
It was all too much.
Hear the silence
Preaching my blame.
Will our strength remain
If their power reigns?
See who I am,
Break through the surface.
Reach for my hand,
Let's show them that we can
Free our minds and find a way.
The world is in our hands...
Even before those memories of his began to slow, to drain away, tears had begun to slide down the sides of her face from out of tightly closed eyes. He labeled her a ‘bleeding heart’…perhaps she was. Aunna cared deeply for others, and this highly personal experience left her shaken to her very core. There was so much pain in him…some she could relate to…some she couldn’t. Even as he carefully released her from that hold he’d had on her, she was trembling from the experience…hurting as he’d been hurt…as she was still hurting. As he let her go, looking at her, her head bowed, the soft feathers of her hair shading her face from view as those silent tears fell. Even when he spoke her name Aunna could do nothing but remain silent, trying to make some sort of sense from everything he’d imparted upon her. After what felt like ages she finally managed something.
--Vex…I…--
See who I am,
Break through the surface.
Reach for my hand,
Let's show them that we can
Free our minds and find a way.
The world is in our hands,
This is not the end.
Those barriers couldn’t be raised…not now…not after so much…not with all the pain that had come in the ending of those memories.
He would have been able to feel...to hear and experience as she did...that song as it echoed through her mind. The connections she felt linking those words, first to her, then to him, twining about the memories that flowed from him to her...showing her deeper meanings as the emotions she felt brought about those lyrics. The vivid, yet dark, colors that the music brought to her mind's eye. Each word, each syllable, brought a new layer of meaning...sensory, in the form of his memories...emotional, reflecting both her own and those she received from him...but there was more to it than that. The force was bringing her information through those words...showing her hints and warnings that applied to both of them, pointing her in the direction she needed to go. She felt it binding around her, slipping through her blood and gliding along her muscles. That song didn't hinder him in any way...connected as he was with her, he would be able to feel (as she was) that, if anything, the song was encouraging him, guiding those unintentional memories that flowed from both of them.
Slowly, the grip of that song released her...and him.
At last those blue eyes opened to look at him, still filled with tears that fell quietly, barely lifting her head enough to meet his concerned gaze. He was at eye level with her now, kneeling in front of her…she didn’t know when it had happened, nor did she particularly care as she wrapped her arms around him and burying her face in that black mane of hair that fell around his head and neck. She wanted to tell him she was alright, to ease his concerns…no, Aunna didn’t believe he’d harmed her in any way…but she couldn’t truthfully say that she was alright either. She still trembled from the power of the experience, it had had an effect on her like the song had on Kuuto and Veera’s ship, when he’d found her there…except this time, there was so much MORE. Besides, words seemed to be escaping her…at least verbally.
--Please…just…just hold me…if only for a few moments.--
It was a timid, but heart felt, request…something she felt she needed to recover from the shock, and stress, of it all.