Tahnee Kinsei [Finished]

[[Tahnee Kinsei]]

Name: Tahnee Kinsei.
Race: Human.
Age: 23.
Height: 5'7".
Weight: 69Kg.
Appearance:

Another pic showing her clothing yet also her tattoo.[x]
Her usual Attire.[x]
Just another picture of her, minus the guns.[x]

Tahnee Kinsei, a very perculiar person indeed. She has a very strange habit to dye her light, light blonde hair to a more near white blonde. She has fair tanned skin, With a rather strange orange Tattoo that covers her entire top half of her left arm, it stretches across to the middle of her back from her arm. She doesn't seem to be one that shares principles with the cold weather with it coming she usually has a red and yellow type Jacket to comfort her. She has striking red eye's which is perculiar to most people. always wearing a white, or orange scarf that trails behind herself. She holsters dual small laser pistols at both left and sides of her hips, the left holster hiding her Lightsaber behind the holster.

Birth place: Aldeeran.

Faction: Jedi.
Rank: Knight, Guardian.

Bio:

Tahnee Kinsei, a bright, silent and happy little new born. She was the proud first born of her Parents, Jhei Kinsei and Nera Kinsei. Jhei was a very gifted and known Artist as her mother Nera was a gifted Mechanic. The two lived in a very normal and middle-class lifestyle not much stepping out to make a life more extravegant for themselves, keeping quiet as much as possible. Her father had a terrible gambling problem as her mother was ill from a weird disease that attacked her nervous system and cripled her body year by year. It was her second birthday when the turns in trouble on her young life began as debt collectors for a local crime lord had made their way in to make off with anything and everything that would pay off his debt. The house was soon after turned over to the crime lords possesion aswell as most of the family stuff. Nera was infact at this point loosing her leg muscles strength, and for most could not walk far. The family set up for new life in the market place, business not as well as before.

It wasn't long before around three and a half years, her mother finally succumbed to the disease and was laid to rest. Her father decended into a great depression which eventually strew him back to the life of gambling. Before long again loosing everything they possesed at that point in time aswell. Life was infact dimming for the two alone, and for Tahnee's safety she was put in for an adoption agency aswell for more money to survive and protection Jhei succumb to becoming a slave for the crime lord, and under the act that he had to get rid of Tahnee. It was months of sitting on the market floors trying to sell his daughter that fate brought a Jedi past, who sensed that she was Advancely Force aware. Soonly after paying the father and seizing Tahnee at the age of four and half. She was later on moved to the Jedi temple of Coruscant, and most of her past memories of her father and mother were shortly forgotten. All but her name, She started off as a youngling quite shy, Hiding most of her true feelings from most. She was the quite and to herself student that advanced in her classes and rarely needed help. Was one of the trips when she was taken by a Jedi master on a little trip to the Tatooine planet did she succumb to the realisation that she needed to make a difference in the universe.

She started to become less to herself and began helping others around her, Younglings like herself which had trouble. Becoming an after class mentor for other students to excell with her, Making the notion of never leaving someone behind. She was a widly looked at Youngling and wasnt long before she was taken in near the age of 12. Her master was a well respected Jedi Knight, Kylin Teroogan, A Kiffu race from the planet Kiffar. She took in Tahnee and promised to make her the best Jedi she could possibly create. Tahnee grew feelings deep inside for Kylin and saw her as a mother figure. Through out her years as a Padawan she was brought into some lines of battle which were suprising to Tahnee, there was a small battle upon a moon in the Alderaan system with a group of Rogue Bounty hunters wanted for series of crimes had come together into a big and messy brawl. Her Master single handedly took each of each Bounty hunter into custody without a single injurie to bystander of victim. Her love towards Kylin grew more and more each day, Something she hoped would never bring a dark and gloomy day.

Kylin was a great mentor and had even made room in her lone Apartment in Coruscant for a place for Tahnee to stay with her. Kylin progressively trained Tahnee in Soresu, as a daily thing in training to get her ready to switch from SHii-cho. Later moving to Shien later on in her years. Kylin was usually given Assignements to do with rogue and outlaw related duties, something near a what a Police operation would do. Tahnee would tag along only to offer support each time and as much as she always wanted to join in she was never allowed to learn restraint from doing something that could cause hate towards someone to stop them. It wasn't long till her patience rewarded her as Kylin rewarded her with her Kylins own lightsaber.

Tahnee treasured Kylins lightsaber and never let it out of her sight, at the age of 16 she was allowed to more progressively move into more fitting actions to help Kylin and her duties. As she'd always execute proud performances in creating little scenarios to pull her lightsaber out to finish a job, which as one of Kylins teachings as she wanted Tahnee to be able to perform missions and complete them without having to use excessive force. Kylins teachings made her proud, as soon drew near as she was being passed through her Trials with out notice. Kylin had prepared and trained her to create her own lightsaber, taking herself days on end before she completed something of pure loyalship putting golden bars to represent her loyalty to Kylin. Wasn't long till herself was passed through a simulation of strength and patience as she was faced up against a rather old but historical opponent, A lone Sith that had been documented to be quite fearful in his time Greth Hroksbar a rather middle aged looking Humanoid being who's eye's were as evil as the air around him. She appeared frighten at first but, with the Simulation creating a sub-partnered mission with a fable Youngling in trouble of becoming devastated by the Sith, Tahnee had sprung into action to stop the sith as she had move her self to force push the youngling slightly before the Dark Sith had petruded the lightsaber into the little on, in fear as the sith would turn and jumped at Tahnee in the little time she was given. She had bent back to miss the small swing the sith had made, only to push off from her right hand to the side to then just miss another swipe. She'd gained to her feet before she'd force pulled her Lightsaber from her belt to her hand as she'd jump up into the air from a twirl to land one knee planted onto the floor before her other foot to plant before her pulling her lightsaber infront of her blocking a rather strong downward thrust.

In the given small time she was given to block she'd decided the siths rather slow but strengthful attacks and decided in order to defeat the sith and save the youngling from a deathly fate she had to precure a plan well enough to execute the sith before the moments end. She'd let the sith push down onto her lightsaber as she'd push her planted foot forwards to slam into the siths feet performing the splits to knock him slightly off balance. Amazed at how well the plan had worked she'd slide into a roll from underneath the sith before pushing off from the floor to land onto her feet. The sith's eye's looked by far something she could feel, fear itself was knocking her knees. Before she could react the sith had appeared before her performing another powerful downward thrust this catching Tahnee of balance as one handed with the little strength to block had failed. Yet as her own blade had dipped down she'd shift her feet to use leverage of her lower leg strength as she'd allow the siths blade to carve down, allowing her to plant her free hand onto the hilt aswell to spin the blue blade around and move the siths blade towards the side, indicating to have learnt that the powerful thrusts had become only strong in a single direction and then manipulate the thrusts decents. As she'd push it away, sliding away to the side of the sith she'd swing a foot hoping to keep the focus of the siths attention towards his blade, her foot would catch the back of the knees hard of the sith knocking him forwards and from pushing the siths blade away from her she'd slide the blade to the side to catch the siths decending front, as her lightsaber would catch the siths knees slicing straight through both.

In an angerous cry of pain the siths lightsaber in the short duration of Tahnee's counter attack had sent the bladeflying shortly away from the siths side as, decapitating from the knees he'd hit the floor chest first. Tahnee would precure her step as she'd breath in deeply to lower her heart rate. In her moment of distraction the sith had force pulled his blade towards him, Catching Tahnee by suprise as she'd force pull the siths blade to rise more up into the air, slicing it in half before her in the air before it had neared the sith. The sith cried out in anger more then pain as the sith would then change completely asking for his inevitable death. She'd decline his request, agreeing inside her mind of his destructive nature and that he was indeed to much of a threat to be kept alive. She had decided to allow another audience to allow his now inevitable capture. She walked up to the startled Youngling as she'd tried to tend to the scared youngling. Trying to cheer him up as the simulation would then end.

Kylin would walk out smiling aswell with two other Jedi masters, Congradulating Kylins success in a well trained Jedi. Still confused Tahnee would look around confused and alertive of the where abouts of the now missing injured Sith. Despite feeling the rejected feeling of guilt as they'd tell her of her experience was nothing more of a test.

Tahnee a year later was granted Knighthood by agreement by the Jedi council and granted by Kylin herself. It took no longer to figure out her path as a Guardian. Like Kylin herself.

Years later Kylin was sent out onto a recon Mission of a sith disturbance felt in the force. Sent alone Tahnee was given a mission to inspect of another sort of crime dealing with certain Jedi's thought to have become unworthy, wasn't till after her mission was completed the grim news of Kylins return from being stabbed by a sith lightsaber had her heart became heavey. At Kylins side, Kylin had made Tahnee promise to never let the dark side become tempting and to never leave someone behind in the shadow. It was long after Kylins death, had she'd decided that it was something that she was ment to do, She was to look for a Padawan to teach all that Kylin had taught her. She soon after aswell had gotten a lengthy strange orange tattoo all over her left arm to remember her master, aswell as keeping the lightsaber given to her by Kylin, safe and protected in a glass cabinet in the same home that housed them both at one point.

Lightsaber:
Her Constructed Lightsaber[x]
Color: Blue.

Practiced Lightsaber forms:

Shii-Cho - [5]
Makashi - [N/a]
Soresu - [4]
Ataru - [2]
Shien / Djem So - [3]
>>Sub-form Backhanded - [N/a]
Niman - [N/a]
>>Sub-form Jar-kai, or Dual Wield - [N/a]
Juyo - [N/a]
Double Bladed Combat - [N/a]

Force-Sensitive Abilities or practices:

Telekinetic: 7
Telepathic: 6
Body: 8
Sense: 7
Protection: 6
Healing: 5
Destruction: 7

Specialized Skills: She as a keen skill to quickly manuever out of tricky situations, aswell as a notorious skill for interrogating. As she is an out-standing Actor in all she fits the roles to make others think of different scenrios in affect, thus why she is infact very intelligent and leanful in decieving inbattle and out of battle. She is also a very Reliable and gifted Mechanic, Having an emense love for Starcruisers, Starfighters being a number one love.

Attributes:

Physical Strength: 6
Intelligence: 9
Speed: 7
Leadership: 8

Unarmed: 6
Melee Weapons: 7
Ranged Weapons: 7

Force Attunement: 7

RP Sample:


Clank, Clank, bash.. What's new. A speed bike sat on two rather large stands which stood tall holding the large hover bike. "AHH... damnit" A large Humanoid figure would arise from underneath the bike. She'd jump up and down slowly for a rather short period of time as she'd suck on the a small part of her right fore arm. Lifting her face from her arm a small but quick bloody gash in her arm would appear. "Im never going to get this done... ahh..." She'd pick up a nearby wrench and chuck it into the toolbox nearby. She'd stand tall shaking her head at the bike, She'd been working at it all night. Soonly after remembering she'd been summoned to the temple before one of the jedi masters hours ago. Cursing her words as she'd slide her red jacket on shiftin her large orange scarf to fall behind has as she'd gear her two pistols into their holsters aswell as pinning her partly gold lightsaber to her belt behind the left holster, hiding slightly. She'd flick the bike giving a small huff of displeasement as of getting no where with its pregression. She'd walk of finto the hall of the dimly lit apartment, brief outlines of couches and the kitchen could be seen as she'd leave the small inner hanger of the apartment. She'd grab her key to the place laid onto the couch before her as she'd give a big suprising face before she'd let out a large sneeze. Giving a grunted look as she'd curse ever getting the cold. She'd move to the outside balcony as a small taxi would appear before the balconies edge. Slowly giving a small push to match the time of the taxi's doors to open as she'd land inside onto the seat between the middle with another grunted face. Offering the taxi's robotic driver some cash before pointing towards the jedi temple not far off from where her apartment was. Few clicks would sound before the taxi made its slow decent towards the Temple.

She hadn't been a Jedi knight long. In the short time she had been slowly remorsing for Kylin's death, But the more of each day that had passed her by had she'd become to realise that Kylins death was yet another chapter in learning to control and posses the will to continue no matter the scenario. Her love towards Kylin will never die, but her determination to make her happy no matter if she were dead was so emense almost everyone around her knew of the once small shy girl to have become a great and noble person. Maybe today she could inquire towards learning about obtaining a Padawan could be discussed. Thought becoming a Knight not so long ago she believed she was ready to pass what she knew to someone before she to passed. Not a day drew past where she didn't think of dying. Wether it was out of vain, but her death is something that she believes will set her free from demon's grip on life. Kylin had taught her that, never to leave one behind, and never to leave one behind in order to protect another is higher priority, "Nothing is too big to attempt", There is a will and way to everything in the universe, lifes full of challenges waiting to be challenged.

She'd made it to the steps to the temple quicker then she'd thought. Noone had taken the walkways to the temple, deserted almost. Nothing strange she hoped. She'd exit to the temple steps as she'd hold a hand ontop of her holstered right pistols handle. She'd walk inside only to laugh at her thoughts strange warped decision of something wrong, She'd leave the hand on the pistols handle as she'd walk on through. A few gawked at her, a few had a look on their face as if to question why she was even here. People around never really understood her, She never wore any of the traditional jedi clothing, she was original, she didn't want to be like every other and be a drone, clone, double to another in the same line of duty. She'd enter through into the large open chanber that looked forwards through a small gathering of representatives and jedi clustered into groups around the massive floor. Infront of that all in the distance was the stairs that led to the jedi council room, to the left was the jedi holocron librabry. to the right was some of the other mission board rooms, padawan training rooms and other.

She'd enter to the first steps alight to the top to arches that led to the council room. She'd stop outside the open door meeting as she'd hear but a few people inside, a few that sounded familiar to others she'd question. She'd enter slowly noticing a few Master Jedi and a few senator members. She'd walk up to the most familiar jedi she knew, cursing to why she forgets all the more important jedi's names instead of the remember the least. Things she'd always been introuble for from day one. She'd bow as she'd stand infront of the master Jedi, He was a fairly large being, Twi'lek if she was correct. the large long tentacles hanging loosely from behind with deep blue skin and rather sharp looking teeth accomodated her presence to him, or least she'd though. The look of him was actually quite fierce yet she'd know him little to the bet more then the others and the thoughts of other jedi sharing could be felt strongly here, making it such a tranquil place. The master jedi would bow his head, this how happened to be was one of thee most laid back jedi she knew. "Master.. i was summoned?, well i few hours ago but i was distracted im sorry.. why have the council summoned me?" She'd grit her teeth waiting for a large sum of abusive acused words questioning that she should have been more alert. All but he had presented a rather extensive 5 pages pack of notes forwards from which he must have been holding behind him. The jedi would smile before patting her shoulder handing it to her before walking off shaking his head. She figured he knew countless reasons to why she was late. She'd look into the notes on to what seemed to be another mission to do with rogue's, that or possible troublesome bountyhunters. ".. damnit more duties to deal with disturbances between people, such boring work ohwell on the good side i can hit by some bars and tabs and see what good food there is to eat" She'd thought to herself going over the notes, she'd grow a large smile as it was stated at the last page as she'd skimmed over the notes that she has also a republic starfighter ready for her. Something better then being shaparoned. She'd exit from the council room and enter the halls and instead of walking back into the giant foyer, she'd take a turn towards a nearby open hatch which resided outside to a small docking port which held another jedi awaiting her to take the starfighter from his hands. She'd wink at the jedi as she'd enter into the starfighter as the hatch of the cockpit would hiss as it'd slowly close around her. she'd dispatch the docking ports from the side of the temples wall as she'd engage on the thrusters resinade propulsion as she'd propell the ship into a downards sprial before spinning up and out towards the darkened skie lit with stars above. Another adventure, another day.

[Mara]

Could you please not change the font and keep it at size 2? It's much easier to read that way.

[[Tahnee Kinsei]]

Haha, Sorry i'm just used to doing that! lol. Well im finished
and ready for someone to look upon and deliberate on
wether im liable or not for acceptance to rp ^^

[Mara]

Oh, and please don't center it; it's much easier to read when it's kept at left-aligned.


For a Jedi, I'm not sure why she needs to carry guns?
Also, Jedi aren't ones for physical attractiveness, preferably plain attire generally. So why does she dye her hair and have a tattoo?
Forgive me if you explain this in the bio; I just glanced through your physical description.

Also, for such a young age, a new Knight, her stats will probably have to be toned down some. Meira will let you know which ones.

[Meira]

weight is done in Lbs. Please convert this.

Realign everything so that is is left justified.

Her clothing is very counter to the Jedi norm. There is no explanation in the bio as to why she doesn't wear the traditional robes of a Jedi. There is also no explanation as to why she carries blaster pistols. Humans do not have red eyes. It is genetically impossible. Change this. Also, "fair tanned skin" is a contradiction. Her skin is either fair, or tanned... can't be both.


Why is there a crime lord on Alderaan? Also, gambling addiction and crippling disease aren't in line with what is considered a "normal" middle class lifestyle.

Alderaan is a core Republic world. Odds are that she would have been detected by the Jedi by the age of two at the latest. Again, Alderaan shouldn't have a crime lord and there is most definitely no slavery.

Grammar, punctuation is particular, is a major problem in this bio. I would suggest running it through a word processor to help fix the mistakes.

Why do the younglings go on a trip to a hutt controlled planet? Not advisable. In fact, I've read nothing about younglings going on trips away from where they are being trained. If you have some evidence that this is common in youngling training, I'd love to see it.

Seeing one's master as a parent figure is very dangerous, and something Tahnee's master should address.

Jedi do not have their own apartments. They live in quarters in the Jedi Temple.

If her master gives Tahnee her own lightsaber.... what does she use??

It takes near a month for a padawan to build their first lightsaber. And gold coloring in a lightsaber hilt is seen as a mark of prestige, reserved usually only for high ranking masters.

No mention of Sith in applications, real or simulated. Her movements in the fight seem more in line with Ataru than Soresu or Shien (which are the ones you mention her training in). Note that the word decapitating means taking off the head. I would use the word severed.

If you can fix it to not mention the sith, this simulated battle would serve as a trial of skill. However, there is nothing in the bio to satisfy the trials of Flesh, Courage, or Spirit.

If you read the tips thread, you know that knighthood comes at 22. To say "years later" as you do in the last paragraph makes no since, since you have her at age 23.

---Overall, the major problem with this bio is grammar. If you need help fixing it, I would suggest shooting Sniper Cookie Bunny a PM. She's a great help in that area. Note that we are not asking for perfection, just that the bio is readable and understandable.

On to stats:


Lightsaber: There is no mention of Ataru in the bio. (did I miss it?) From what I've read, she's trained in Shii-Cho, Soresu, and Shien. If this is the case, and Soresu is her main form apart form Shii-Cho, stats should look like this:

Shii-Cho: 5
Soresu: 3
Shien/Djem So: 1

Force stats: Unless she is exceptionally skilled at one of these areas, there should be nothing over a 6. And only one or two 6s tops. It is a rule that Jedi cannot have destruction skills over a 5. Also, any skill in the destruction area needs to be explained in the bio because those skills are inherently dark side oriented and are not typically taught to the Jedi.


Specialized Skills: Remove everything you've entered here. This area is for rare, specialized skills within the force. Everything you have written here should be explained in the bio. Especially the following: mechanics and acting.

Attributes: Adjust accordingly

Physical Strength: 6 (lower. Women are not as strong as men, so they should nto be above average. I suggest a 4 or 5)
Intelligence: 9 (lower. There is no support in the bio for this. I suggest a 6 or 7)
Speed: 7 (lower. Don't take the force into account here. This is how fast she is physically. There is no support in the bio for how fast she is. I suggest a 5.)
Leadership: 8 (lower. There is no support that suggests such a high stat. I suggest a 4 or 5.)

Unarmed: 6 (lower. Again, no support in the bio. I suggest 4 or 5.)
Melee Weapons: 7 (lower. Note that lightsabers don't count here. Melee gets it's own category for a reason. No support in the bio for this. I suggest 4 or 5.)
Ranged Weapons: 7 (lower. Again, no support. I suggest a 2 or 3 unless you explain her training with ranged weapons in the bio.

Force Attunement: 7 (lower. At such a young age, anything over a 5 would need to be explained in the bio.)

RP sample should be done in past tense.