Grand Master. Yoma

[Yoma]

Name: Yoma Jen
Race: E.T. Race (The race appeared in the Council Chamber for like 3 seconds in Phantom of Menace and plus I thought this would be quite interesting!)
Age: 400
Height: 4 ft 5
Weight: 90 ib's
Appearance:
Birth place: Brodo Asogi

Faction: Jedi Order
Rank: Grand Master Jedi. (I know you guys already have one but I thought this would be interesting to have too!)

Bio: He was born as just another of his species but he grew to become something a little more than that. He was trained by Master Khaija to become what he is today. His species had almost died and Yoma was one to think that he was the only one left. But others were living but went into hiding. He was one who wanted explore. He was young at the time. His Master soon died along with the rest. Yoma is a Grand Master Jedi who took after Khaija and done what he does. He likes doing what he does. He is a teacher, but also like a Grandfather figure to all of the Republic, and Jedi's.

He is the eldest known Jedi Master. He is also the one that everyone comes to for help or advice. He has been doing this for many years and now he has reached a point in his life that he has become old. But still and yet, he works to the bone. He does what he thinks is right. His life so far was exciting. Before taking the place of Master Khaija, he was doing many things while the Clone Wars. He had battled and fought many people. He helped with everything such as giving advice, showing leadership, and deploying his students to help with the battles. Khaija had died and then the followers of Khaija looked to see a small man. Sure, many thought he could do nothing because he was so small, but they were all proved wrong. Others thought that they had at some point seen Yoma at work.

You see, Yoma didn't really show himself to everyone. He taught his students in a secret place. When Yoma told the old Khaija followers about himself, they quickly were impressed. He is a Grand Master Jedi of the Counsil due to age and mentoring, and his life is not over yet. His old Master lived for 600 years. Can Yoma live longer? Everyone looks up to the small brown Grand Master Jedi, Yoma as a Grandfather, a Mentor, and a Leader. Still today, even after teaching so many great Jedi's like no other, he still teaches today. He's been doing it for centuries and he has promised himself that he will never stop until the day he dies.

Lightsaber: Single Shoto
Color: Blue

Practiced Lightsaber forms:

Shii-Cho 5
Makashi 5
Soresu 5
Ataru 5
Shien / Djem So (N/A)
>>Sub-form Backhanded 5
Niman
>>Sub-form Jar-kai, or Dual Wield 5
Juyo (N/A)
Double Bladed Combat (N/A)

Force-Sensitive Abilities or practices:
Telekinetic:
Skills that manipulate the air and world around the user. Includes Force push, Force pull, Force stun, Saber throw and other similar skills.

Telepathic:
Skills that affect the mind. Includes Force Persuasion (mind trick), Force fear, Force illusion, Force empathy, and other similar skills.

Body:
Skills that affect the user’s biology. Included Force Valor, breath control, force jump, speed, and other similar skills.

Sense:
Skills that involve direct contact with force energies. Includes Force light, sense, force sight, force vision, psychometry, and other similar skills.

Healing:
Skills that involve repairing organic cells. Usually associated with the light side of the force. Includes Force healing, revitalize, Tapas, neutralize poisons, cure disease, and other similar skills.

Protection:
Skills that are defensive in nature. Usually associated with the light side of the force. Includes force protection, force bubble, force barrier, force stasis, and other similar skills.

Specialized Force powers:
These are abilities that are exceptionally rare or over powered. In order to include any of the following skills into your jedi’s repertoire

Force Levitation

Battle Mediation

Force Wave / Repulse

Force Crush

Force Absorption

Wall of Light

Force Camouflage

Telekinetic: 10
Telepathic: 8
Body: 6
Sense: 9
Protection: 9
Healing: 8
Destruction: 2

Specialized Skills: Specialized Force powers:
These are abilities that are exceptionally rare or over powered. In order to include any of the following skills into your jedi’s repertoire

Force Levitation

Battle Mediation

Force Absorption

Wall of Light

Attributes:

Physical Strength:4
Intelligence: 9
Speed: 9
Leadership: 10

Unarmed: 8
Melee Weapons: 9
Ranged Weapons: 1

Force Attunement: +10

RP Sample: Yoma roamed the temple. He had a lot to think about. Many bad things were happening, and even he couldn't figure out what to do except for one thing. He knew how strong the dark side was. He knew just how it's power could tempt any lving thing to do harm. However, he did not worry. Those who were loyal to the ones they care about were stronger.

Light was always powerful than Darkness because of one thing. The Light knew love, friendship, loyalty, and team work. The Darkside didn't. The Darkside only knew hatred, cruelty, anger, and torture. Yoma looked up and then back down again with his hands behind his back. He turned around only to see a youngling standing there looking at him. It looked as if he needed some assistance.

"Needing something?" Yoma asked. Sure he was a slow speaker but he new that the youngling could understand him, which was good. The boy looked at him and nodded. "I didn't really understand what you said today, do you mind explaining it to me? What I mean is, you said something about knowledge and heart being true power!" Yoma nodded and gave him a short smile pausing for a mere second and then finally speaking. He pointed to his forehead slowly and then to his heart as he spoke.

"What you need....is right...here!" He was a slow speaker, like said before. But it's better to be a slow speaker and have others understand you rather than talk so fast your head explodes. He wasn't the only one that talked slow, his whole spoke slow but it used to be normal until he aged a bit. Yoma blinked and continued. "Knowledge...helps you over come things by thinking out the problem....your heart...helps you over come things by doing your best...and of course having the heart to do things for someone you care about!....Learning is nothing more than another big adventure! he said with a smile.

The youngling nodded and thanked him for helping him understand what he couldn't earlier. He farewelled and Yoma nodded in return. The boy left and Yoma looked back out the window's of the temple with his hands behind his back once more.

Of course it wasn't long til another day had passed and it was time to teach younglings once again. He looked around at the children who stood there and then began teaching. "Weak, you all are not! The only reason you look that way is because that is how you feel within your mind. The Dark Side is no different....only different in your mind that is." he said calmly. "One day you all will become Jedi Master's but it will require a lot of learning!" he said as he continued.

"The Dark side can be a threat if you don't know what your doing! Rely on the Force physically, mentally, then stronger you will become! you are. The Force is our ally! It is a powerful Ally!. I can help you!..For I know the darksides weaknesses!"

"A lot, you all must learn...in order to succeed!"

All of a sudden he closed his eyes and lifted his hand and held it toward a table. He raised his hand and the table lifted up slowly and then he moved it to the right and then slowly let it down. The table needed to be moved anyway, but it was just a demonstration "The Force is within us, it surrounds us!....you must feel the Force flowing within you. Think of it as an ally, it is a strong ally. I would like one of you to try it."

One of the youngling goes to try it but it wouldn't even budge. Master Yoma stood there and walked over to him and says "You can do it!" The Youngling looks at Master Yoma, "I can't it's too big." Master Yoma laughs. "Size doesn't matter, look at me! I'm small, but that doesn't mean I'm less capable of doing things!"

The youngling looks at Master Yoma and shakes his head.
"You must think of it differently, big or small...it doesn't matter! Make it seem as if it were smaller. Don't think of it as you can succeed, think of it as you will succeed!" The youngling trys one more time but concentrates, he gets real sweaty and it takes a few moments but all of a sudden he begins to lift that table but once it gets up an inch it falls back down.

"You have succeeded!. But we are looking for more progress. You shall become better in time,..you'll see!" said Master Yoma.

Master Yoma then looked at everyone and then then began to speak. "Progress!! You must have a lot of practice and training! That was just an example....you all can do it too. Begin sparring." he said calmly.

The children began sparring like there was no tomorrow. They were learning great things from Master Yoma but there was still a lot for them to learn. With the help of Master Yoma, they should be able to learn everything that they need to know.

[Ashi]

woah.....

A quick disclaimer, I'm not a mod, but I do know, more or less, what I'm talking about. What I say is by no means final, but it's a pretty good idea of what Miera will say, tho it is probably delivered more harshly.

From the top, seniority is granted by skill and quality of the bio. just to attain the rank of jedi master, there are people on this site who have bios in excess of thirty thousand words. They are the exception to the rule, but the average jedi knight's bio (not including everything else in the post) usually averages between two and three thousand words. For someone who's four hundred years old, you have a very short history.

Secondly, there were never two grand masters at any given time. Qui-gon held the rank of Jedi Master, and was never raised beyond that. If you don't believe me, check out his wikipage at starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Qui-Gon_Jinn

Third. You'll want to familiarize yourself with the site plot. It is a great deal different than the movies, not to mention a long while before them.

Then there's the stats, which are pretty much as follows:
1-4 below average skill
5-6 average skill
7 is really really good
8 is god-like
9 is utter divinity
10 is almost entirely theoretical. As far as I'm aware, there is a single use of it on the entire site, and that's held by the current grand master. And even he only has one stat of ten.

Special force powers are exactly that, special. They are exceptionally rare and difficult to master, not to mention often dangerous to user. Last I checked, each individual power under this category requires moderator approval.

I really don't mean to dash your hopes or anything, this char has a lot of potential and I'm more than a little interested to see how it plays out, but you also have a lot of work ahead of you. I suggest you look thru the bios in the approved section and make your char roughly comparable. Specialization is the key here, not being god-like in everything you do. Not only are the results more interesting and entertaining to RP, it gives the char a lot more depth, and we can all use a bit more of that in this day and age. Good Luck, I am rather interested to see how this char turns out.

[Yoma]

I understand, but I really don't think anyone would mind my bio! A bio is after all, a bio! And It's like 7 AM here so I totally forgot that Qui Gon Jin was only a Jedi Master so you would have to excuse me! I'm also sure that my rp sample would be acceptable! Anyway, let's see what the admin thinks! Also, I think my stats even out! If you notice, some of my stats are 1 and if you check Jace's stats..none of his are one. His are 3 and above. In addition, I do have a feeling that she will say something but I'll have to wait and see and whatever I have to fix, I will!

[Jace]

I will say this, there is only one Grandmaster, that is final. We already have one, so your character cannot be grandmaster.

Two, your stats are waaay too high. Just because your stats are low in one thing doesn't mean you can up the rest. No to mention, only one of your stats is a 1 soo that logic doesn't really work here. I haven't looked at the bio yet but I thought I would stop by and make it clear.

[Rugs]

Welcome to the site, man.

Now, uh, I don't usually comment on bios, since I don't really want to step on people's toes, but, uh... this character seems kinda broken to me. First of all, I think pretty much everything Ashi said rings true, and will probably only be repeated/expanded upon by the colored-name people when they swing through. Second there already is a Grand Jedi Master, and while the idea of having two is... interesting, I can pretty much guarantee that it won't happen. The bio isn't anywhere near long enough to suit a Grand Jedi Master or someone 400 years old, either.

And the stats. To be a master of all of the lightsaber forms is ridiculous, and won't be allowed. Not even the current GJM or the Dark Overlord are that powerful. And, having a 1 doesn't excuse having godly stats everywhere else, you know? And, to comment on what Ashi said, I just checked Jace's profile and I didn't see a 10, though I might have overlooked it. As was said before, it's about specializing in something, not being ridiculously strong in everything.


Like I said, I don't mean to step on any toes, so sorry if I did, and there is potential for this to be an interesting character, but there's some refining that's gonna have to happen, you know? I can tell you the mods will say the same (and more, I'm sure). Anyway, good luck.

[Yoma]

Actually I was low in like 4 things but one of them was one, but i get what you guys are saying! You guys were just giving your input.

[starwarsgirl008]

I am also going to try to step in and give you some help. This is what the basic outline of a Jedi bio. should be:

1. Birth
-perhaps some family history also
- the beggining of your character's personality and social development
2. Discovery
3. Youngling
-this should explain the beggining of your character's Jedi training as well as some interaction around the temple with others.
4. Padwan
-this section should explain your master and why he/she chose your character to train
-this should also show some one on one training lessons as well as a few missions your character went on
-by this point, we should be able to tell whether your character is a Guardian, Consular or Sentinel
4. Knight
-this should higlight the Jedi Trials your character had to perform to become a Knight
-it should also higlight various missions that your character went on
-perhaps most importantly, this should show a Padawan your character took on, as well as one on one training with them, and missions they attended together
5. Master
-again, higlight the missions or tasks your character completed at this time
-did they take on more Padawans at any time?
-this should somewhat higlight your character's influence rising in the Order. Perhaps he made some good decisions on a mission or aided some processes in the Temple.
6. Higher Ranks within the Order
At this point, I am not sure about any major ranks available besides a High Council Member or a lesser council role. Don't look down on these roles just because more than one person obtains this title, they are needed on this site. As Jace explained, ONE Grandmater in the Order, NO exception. You can contact Jenno, Meira or Jace to question any other roles your character could take on, but I am not sure at this moment.
-explain how your character obtained this role, and why he was chosen for it
-explain the decisions he has made while holding this position and how it influences others
-again, explain the missions he has gone on during this time

As explained above, your character is 400 years old, and his bio. should reflect that. I would suggest you check out accepted bios. and read Meira's tips if you haven't. If you see a character around 100 years old, your character's bio. should really be around 4x that length. The reward you get for this work is that your character has had more time alive, and thus has had more time to train, thus your stats. can be a little higher. However, as mentioned above, your stats. are high for even a 400 year old, and will most likely have to be brought down a tad. DETAIL, DETAIL, DETAIL is what I am trying to get across to you here.

Also, I hope you noticed that in the nice little outline I gave you above, missions/tasks your character performs is the one that appears the most. This is one, if not the, best way to show your character's development and take up some space in his life. I also find them quite fun to think up and write.

After you complete the above, someone can really review your bio. and profile properly.

[sparrow]

SWG, I checked wookieepedia, and this race is indeed present. They're called the Children of Green Planet.

But as others said above, the Grand Master thing has to go. You can go for a Jedi Council seat though.

Saying that you have one 1 doesn't excuse the godly stats you have in just about everything else, especially since that 1 is in ranges weapons, the traditional dump stat for most jedi characters, since they don't use much in the way of ranged weapons anyway.

For stats, tone them down and make sure they fit with his character. Some examples.... Why is he so good at Jar'kai, a style requiring two sabers, when he only uses a single shoto saber? How is he so fast with those short stubby legs? How does he practice a Force technique that requires multiple Jedi in order to achieve (Wall of Light)? With him being a paragon of goodness and virtue as evidenced by his amazingly high force attunement, why does he know Force Crush?

[Karl the Unfettered]

To provide some examples of the level you'd have to aspire to for high stats, I'll link some other bios.

Rembrant Vorte
Charlill Sylvorr
Jace Beleren
Rhissai'arckan

Jace is the current (and only) Grandmaster, the rest are high level Masters of their respective factions. You'll notice none of them have any scores of 10, and they're generally considered the cream of the crop. A 10 is heavily frowned on, unless you have some good reason for it, but they're not completely disallowed; as an example of one, my own droid fellow Excon Ackdem has a Strength of 10, but that's because he's a rogue construction droid. And I believe in the Civilian section there's an Arkanian roboticist with an Intelligence of 10, but I'm not certain.

My point is, you'll have to really work on the quality and quantity of your work, and even then some of the stats will have to come down. The staff would say the same thing, I'm sure.

[Zaine]

He could be the leader of a minor council.

[Kella]

There really aren't any Minor Councils when it comes to the Jedi. He might be able to try for Weaponsmaster, or some such rank, but that'd take a lot of work; his bio would have to be top-notch. Nice idea, though. X)

And while I'm here, I might as well...

You're going to need a lot more in this bio. A lot more. SWG gave you a great outline. Your bio needs to answer any question someone might have to ask about your character. For example...

"He was trained by Master Khaija to become what he is today.
Who is Master Khaija? What is Kjaija like? Species? Temperment? Teaching style? What is Yoma today? What did he do when he was training? What troubles did he have? What missions did he go on? Did he ever get injured, or wounded, or have a near death experience? How close were Yoma and Khaija?

That's one sentence that needs to answer a dozen questions. X) You see what we're asking when it comes to detail?

Now, I would like to say that SWU is very different from other sites in respect to how we treat bios. Here, the bio is the essence of the character. It's not a reference sheet, or a page to keep track of general info and stats. It communicates the personality, the aura, the life, the hardships, the triumphs, who your character is. You could almost say it's sacred. xD The Bio is a reflection of how a character is going to be RPed in the site.

Now, since I get the feel that you're somewhat unfamiliar with this, it might be wise to tuck Yoma away for a while. Pull together a Padawan, or a Jedi knight, so you can get a feel for the way the bio process, and the overall RP atmosphere here works. It can be a bit daunting at first. Trust me, I've been there. X)


Now Meira, in all her awesome, has been very busy lately, and I am the minion of the Jedi Apps. So, in her place, I say that SWG, Sparrow, Ashi, Karl and Rugdomph were all spot-on in what they had to say. Those posts now have authority, so go ahead and re-read them.

Also: 10's are god-like and therefore not allowed. You can try to debate them, if you'd like... but you aren't going to get anywhere. X)

Your Stats need to reflect Yoma's preferences, and he needs to have a specialty. Lightsaber Vs. Force, Aggressive Vs. Passive, etc. Yes this takes a lot of work, yes this takes a lot of thought, but I promise, it's for your own good!

And let me finish by saying, we're still very glad to have you! Don't let any of the above constructive criticism get you down; because it's just that; constructive. We at SWU make it our mission to help improve everybody's RPing. And nobody's perfect. So don't worry about making mistakes.

Now, it is important to say that getting a Jedi Master takes a lot of work. It takes a lot of dedication. We're very protective of our Jedi Masters, roffle. X) If any previous comments seem harsh, that's why; it has little to do with you specifically. So I'd recommend applying for the rank of Padawan or Knight; as far as bios go, they're a lot more forgiving.

And again, welcome!

[Zaine]

First Knowledge, Reconciliation, and Reassignment are in the clone wars. My bad.

[Meira]

This species is not allowed. The only reason why it exists, in film and on wookieepedia, is because Lucas was making good on a promise to Spielberg. It is an easter egg, a joke. It is NOT canon and an executive decision has been made. It is final and any attempt to argue it will not be acknowledged.

Also, as the others have said. There is already a grand master. The position is not open. If you wish, you can try for a Council Member. But this whole bio will have to be reworked.

I STRONGLY suggest you read the hints and tips thread before you try again. You will find the link to it in the application.

[Kella]

Moved to Incomplete Profiles due to user inactivity. Can be revived upon request.