Sean Cloudwalker (being edited)

[Sean Cloudwalker]

Name: Sean Cloudwalker

Race: Human

Age: 23

Height: 5'8

Weight: 130

Appearance: Sean has dark blue eyes and brown hair which is kept short as to keep it out of his face when training or fighting, he has a few scars on his stomach area and face from close encounters.

Birth place: Naboo

Faction: Jedi

Rank: Knight

Bio:

Cloudwalker Birth- 5yrs

Sean Cloudwalker's parents were not part of the Senate but had some influence with them and they hoped that Sean would grow to be a great politician and so began training him at a young age of four for they believed them much easier to teach, they did not have much connection to the Force so it was surprising to them when he showed to be extremely sensitive to it.
They waited a year to be sure it was not just a phase, when found that he was indeed strong in the Force they contacted the Council who sent a Knight and his apprentice to Naboo to take him the Temple.
Sean was accepted not long after arriving and took the test.

Sean 6-15

At 6 years old Sean was placed in training with several other younglings before a Master would began his training, for first he had to learn the basics.
First he learned how to follow the Force and and how to follow the Jedi Code with respect.
He and the others were not permitted to leave the Order unless they had to evacuate,

At 7 he was place in a bear clan which was group of younglings taught by a single master, from here he began learning unarmed combat while also studying his grandparents holocron which had almost every form of martial arts in it, not only did he study that but he studied the history amongst other things.

For five years he learned everything he was supposed to know before he could take on the trials which he was determined to pass, at 13 he was given the trial test in which he had to explain the Jedi Code, give a brief explanation of the Force and he had to understand the three pillers of a Jedi.
He passed the test and was given the title of an Initiate and he hoped he would soon be assigned to a Master.

It was not until he was 14 did a Knight come and choose him and he was given the new title of Padawan.

Ages 14-18

Sean was now not trained in groups but one on one with his Master who was called Ronre James, Sean now was learning much more about the Force then he did when just a youngling and initiate.
At age 17 Sean built his first lightsaber which was somewhat different then other Jedi lightsabers for the curved hilt of the Darksaber interested him and he built it like that save the color was orange and not red.
He learned more about the code and had respect for it, during this time with his Master they went on many missions together, but Ronre had other things to tell him about the Force such as

Lightsaber Single blade(duel phase)

Color: Orange

Practiced Lightsaber forms:

Shii-Cho 3
Makashi 2
Soresu n/a
Ataru n/a
Shien / Djem So n/a

>>Sub-form Backhanded
Niman 2
>>Sub-form Jar-kai, or Dual Wield
Juyo n/a
Double Bladed Combat n/a

Force-Sensitive Abilities or practices:

Telekinetic: 4 1 - 10
Telepathic: 4 1 - 10
Body: 6 1 - 10
Sense: 5 1 – 10
Protection: 5 1 - 10
Healing: 4 1 – 10
Destruction: 3 1 – 10

Specialized Skills:

Attributes:

Physical Strength: 6 1 - 10
Intelligence: 5 1 - 10
Speed: 5 1 – 10
Leadership: 4 1 - 10

Unarmed: 2 1 - 10
Melee Weapons: 5 1 - 10
Ranged Weapons: 3 1 - 10

Force Attunement: 6/10


RP Sample:

Sean concentrated on the blast door that blocked his entrance and used the force to open it casully walking through and sat at the end of the table where several people stared at him, he waved his hand at the blast door and it closed with a slam and he grinned at them all.
You were saying Captain They were obviously speechless at how he had entered their 'private meeting'
I missed a few things so can we please go over it? The man at the other end cleared his throat and glared at him. Who are you to break into this meeting? Sean stuck his feet up on the table amongst cries of protest and anger. How rude of me to not introduce myself, I am Sean Cloudwalker Jedi Knight. I have every right to meetings secret or not. The leader (obviously) leaned across the table. The Jedi have no part in this meeting Jedi, this is for the Senate only. Sean shook his head in humor and stood up, he knew the meeting was not going to restart until he left. Perhaps that will change. He waved his hand to the blast door and left and closed it with a slam.
He took off in his ship a cloak ship and headed for Naboo where he was born, before he put the ship into hyperspace he felt a tremor in the Force and and did a quick defensive move narrowly missing getting hit. He looked at his computer and grinned. Ready to play? He turned the ship around and faced the incoming ship head on and fired his seeking missiles which the ship tried to dodge, as it did so Sean fired at the ship with his high tech lasers he had mounted unto his ship and watched it explode. He shrugged and entered the coordinates into the computer.

[Rugs]

Alright then, here we go. Note that since I'm not a mod, anything I say is just a suggestion, but I'll tell you what I think they'd say.

You could probably add a touch to appearance. What he wears, any possible scars, things like that. You don't have to add much though.

For the bio:
Minimum age on the site to be taken on by the Jedi Order is 6 years old. The mods won't budge on that, so that should probably be adjusted. Also, I'm not an expert on these things, but I don't think that'd he'd know how to manipulate objects with the Force without some training first, though the visiting Jedi would still be able to feel his potential in the Force.

All in all, the bio needs some more detail. It doesn't have to be a dissertation, mind you, but it needs to be detailed enough to cover the major events of his life: you can touch on his time as a youngling, his training as a padawan, tell about a mission or two, what he did for the Trials, etc. It might seem like a pain at first, but trust me, it makes the character a much better one, and gives you a better idea of what the character is like in the process. It also gives the rest of us a bit of insight into the essence of the character. One thing you can do is to take a look at accepted Jedi of similar age in the accepted profile section to get a feel for it. If you need some help, there are plenty of people around the site that I'm sure would be willing to offer some help. I will if you want me to.

Stats:
I'm not an expert on stats, and I don't really know what your character's focus is. If he's a gaurdian, then he'd have higher lightsaber stats with lower Force stats, the opposite would be true if he's a Councilor. If he's a Sentinel, then they'd be balanced between the two.

That said, you'll probably have to drop one of the saber styles, probably Niman or Ataru, and drop a point in one of the threes, I think.

Force stats look a bit high across the board to me, though I'll leave that to a second opinion.

Edit: I just saw that he has a 4 in Destruction. Most of those powers are associated with the Dark Side, so Jedi generally aren't taught them. You'd have to explain how he got such experience with them in your bio for that. Most Jedi on the board have either a 1 or a 0 in destruction (I think), so keeping it down at that level would not put you at a disadvantage at all.

For his personal attributes: I believe that on this site it's a general rule of thumb that a seven or above should have some mention in the bio. Not saying you can't have a 7 in intelligence and speed, because my Jedi does, just point out that they're strong areas in his bio.

The melee weapon stat does not include lightsabers, if that's why you set it to a 7. If you set it to that for normal, non-lightsaber weapons, then that should also have a mention in the bio.

That's all I can think of at the moment. Remember, I'm not a mod, and I don't often comment on profiles, so take what I say with a bit of salt, but I do look at what mods say on profiles as they come through, and I've tried to tell you what I think they'd say. Like I said, if you need any help with anything, don't be afraid to ask in the cbox, or shoot someone a PM. I wish you luck with your profile ;D

[Mara]

Also, please fix your bold tags, so that your entire profile isn't boldened, makes it harder to read.

[Sean Cloudwalker]

Ok Im finished, what dya think?

[Meira]

Click Here

Please read the above thread and make necessary changes. Also, please take Lord Rugdumph's advice and look through accepted Jedi character bios.

[Sean Cloudwalker]

Ok thank you, it may take me awhile to get it all fixed up lol

[Kella]

This thread has been moved to Incomplete Profiles due to user inactivity. Can be re-activated upon request.