Stand in the rain

[Dire Wolf]

Another week, another mission. Truth be told the woman decided to take the mission to Mrlsst for one reason and one reason alone: to recruit more blades. What she found, however, was that Knight Talau happened to be placed on the very same assignment as herself. So, in light of that circumstance, Rhissai elected to forgo recruitment and focus more on Talau.

The woman held an obvious pain, one that not even Force concealment could hide from Rhiss' senses. Her nose, in particular. She could smell the dried tears on her skin, and at the temple she could smell the small waft of pheromones on the woman's skin. She'd been "dabbling" in love, and apparently the object of Talau's affection had either died or left in her absence.

Poor girl.

Those were the thoughts that ran through the raven haired woman's brain as she stepped up to the shadow's door, knocking once. "May I come in? Its Rhissai. I would just like to talk," she looked down at Wrex, who was waiting eagerly to lick the face off of the emaciated woman inside, and shook her head once. That motion, along with the wave of thoughts sent via their link, was an obvious indication that the large creature was NOT to enter the room unless told to do so.

He protested.

Pain was something that lupine creature's could almost sense. It also happened to be something that they wanted oh so desperately to heal. Rhissai was adamant, however, as the pup would only want to crawl all over the woman... licking her ferociously. Wrex's head simply drooped as he laid down on all fours outside of the door, letting out a tiny whimper as his companion was allowed in.

Green eyes flicked from Wrex over to the knight within the room as the door opened. A small smile creased her lips at the sight of the now thickening (if ever so slightly) woman, but she waited until the door was closed before speaking a word. "I want to talk to you... about... him. I know... its not my place... but... the pain I've felt... its not unlike you're own. If you'll allow me to..."

The woman honestly expected nothing more than a swift boot back into the corridor. She had some gall actually stepping into the woman's quarter's and asking her directly about her presumed lost love. If she even had one.

Rhissa never was one for 'beating around the bush,' after all.

[Talau the Ever-Lurking]

Meditation was the only rock in this sea of salty tears and turbulent emotions that threatened to overwhelm her every day. Meditation forced away the memories, the painful happiness that she recalled through them, the beautiful joy she’d had and somehow lost because of fate and the force. It was almost enough to cause the young woman to cut herself from it simply so that she might attempt to save herself from more pain. Talau knew, however, that she didn’t have that choice…not really. She had other things to do in her life, more important things, and she couldn’t bring herself to be so selfish. Without the force she couldn’t help her people and they desperately needed it…she couldn’t leave the jedi because she felt they needed her still…and she still needed them. If she had any hope of completing the tasks set for her, she would need their help…eventually.

And so she meditated.

Through those moments of calm focus she could free herself, if only slightly, from the pain. Could settle her mind and heart enough to continue on this rocky and broken path. Unfortunately, it also gave her time to think, this double edged sword of meditation. Perhaps it had just been foolishness, her falling in love? Was this pain the thing that the jedi teachings, their requirement to forego relationships, the reason they burned it into the hearts of their younglings and padawans? Had the councils of old been trying to protect their children further along the line from this kind of crippling pain? Perhaps they had been…it was difficult to know for certain. The Feanturi, she’d been told, had no such rules…the jedi, who had dealt with the Feanturi since their early years, did…why?

Why…

The age old question still had no answers…but that hardly surprised her these days. Talau may have been young, but she certainly didn’t act it. One of the most glaring oddities of the young woman had always been her maturity and mentality. Had the jedi taught about reincarnation that might not have been such a startling thing to discover when one met her…but they didn’t. Talau had memories that weren’t hers, ones she couldn’t explain and wouldn’t speak of. Only once had she hinted at them, shown them or spoken of them…and that was to the man she’d fallen in love with.

…The one that was now vanished from her life.

Curled in the corner of her small cabin, legs folded before her, back relaxed against the chill bulkhead wall, those shifting eyes had hidden themselves from the waking world and she’d entered another. That meditation had drawn her away from herself and into another realm, one of her people. Even as Rhiss approached the door with her companion Talau only vaguely took notice, her body and mind reacting off of habit as she probed the force for the identities of those outside her door. It didn’t take long for her to realize who it was and allow herself to return to the consciousness of meditation, her signature flaring to life once more from its previously “muted” existence. There was no force concealment this time around…she just hadn’t been completely there. Silmorne, after all, was a very real place…another level of this reality that most could never hope to reach without assistance from a Rilan. It had been bred into them, after all, and if one that wasn’t Rilan wished to enter on their own…well…no doubt most species didn’t have the life span to figure out how to reach it…to evolve into it.

“May I come in? It’s Rhissai. I would just like to talk.”

The words reached her just as the young brunette returned to herself, the darkness of meditation sweeping about her like the deep tides of the oceans of Mon Calamari as the force flooded back through her conscious mind. Pulling herself back toward the surface, the young woman was almost loathe to allow the older woman access to her small sanctuary…she had some idea what Rhissai would wish to speak about, after all. With a sigh she swept a hand at the lock of the door to allow the master entry. Because of the proximity of the woman to the door, it slid open without so much as a command on her part…the sound of the locks opening should have been enough of a clue anyway.

“I want to talk to you…about…him.”

She’d thought so.

Grey eyes opened at last to look at the woman and her companion. As Rhiss continued to speak, Tal patted her thigh lightly, eyes on the young vornskr, offering for him to enter as well. With a pat to the bed, she offered for him to join her there before motioning to the chair for his mistress.

Come in Master Rhiss, I won’t speak until the door is shut behind you…and be calm Wrex or I’ll put you back out myself, understand?

She didn’t doubt that he would understand, she’d made it quite clear to him through her abilities just what her meaning had been. As Rhiss had entered, another mild wave of her hand and the door locked once more. A quiet sigh was given as she looked back over at the black haired woman.

I don’t mean this as an offense, but you’re correct…it isn’t your place. However, I doubt the subject will be forgotten by you until you have the chance to talk to me about it…so I suppose there’s really no point in avoiding the inevitable, is there? Have a seat and tell me what it is you want to know or say.

Blunt? Certainly. Was it typical of the young woman? These days it certainly seemed to be…but internally she winced at how she’d addressed the woman who’d come here simply out of concern. Eyes closed again and she ran a hand through her hair.

I’m…sorry. I didn’t mean to be so harsh.

[Dire Wolf]

The big black Vornskr's ears perked as the slender woman patted her thigh, inviting him in. At first he was apprehensive, seeing as his companion strongly urged him not to step into the room. While she was just that; a companion, she also happened to be very smart. Very smart. But, in the end, he decided to heft his rear end up and trot into the room. Wrex stopped and plopped his weight down, leaning his back against Talau's leg heavily. With a hefty sigh, he shifted those yellow orbs to his companion.

Rhissai had to admit, she often considered herself as something of a mother hen in regards to the other Jedi. She took it upon herself to try and make her "subordinates" as comfortable and happy as possible. This often caused the woman to extend her reach further than was appropriate... as was the case in this instance.

It wasn't that she believed herself entitled to the knowledge of each and every jedi's 'personal' life, or what little they had of one, it was just... she had a deep well of compassion. Some Jedi called it a weakness, one that would eventually lead to her death. Be that as it may, she believed it to be her greatest strength. Rhissai would dispense of her command over the Force before even thinking of losing her compassion, or humanity.

Granted, the woman realized that Talau was defensive... and her mood was obviously less than happy. Dredging up the past was, perhaps, not worth the pain involved... despite the fact that it could be restorative. That fact, however, didn't deaden the pain that Talau's words made as they struck at her heart. The walls of Rhissai's mind, ever thick and strong, held the effects of Tal's words within... shielding them from view. Her face remained equally stoic, to anyone that wasn't Rhissai it would have looked like Tal's words had little effect on her tall superior.

Wrex, however, was a completely different story. The lupine creature's ears instantly flattened against his great skull, his stub of a tail pressed into his hind quarters, and a light whimper whined through his throat. Rhiss, of course, mentally cringed at the bond between them. She could feel the hurt that he felt from her... echoing on and on, back and forth, only making the sensation worse.

"I d-don't mean to force you into telling me anything," those green eyes slid closed as she shook her head lightly. She never fumbled over her words. Ever. "I've j-just... well... gone through what you're going through," a disappointed sigh pushed at her lungs. She wasn't disappointed at Talau, oh no, she was disappointed at herself for being so foolish. The last part was nearly said under her breath, almost as if she didn't want the brunette knight to hear it, "thought I could help."

Without a word, the woman turned herself about and headed for the door. Talau may have apologized for her words, but that didn't mean that they weren't true. "I apologize for the interruption, Talau. Carry on." Fortunately she took that brief time between her previous mumbling and the final comment to collect herself, as the more familiar tone returned once more.

She didn't try to tell Wrex what to do. He wouldn't listen. It was very likely that he'd be by her side for the rest of the journey back to Coruscant, probably a little longer. Either way, Rhissai would wait for Talau's response before actually leaving. Even if it was just a simple "get out, woman."

[Talau the Ever-Lurking]

Great…she’d just put her foot in it. With a heavy sigh Talau leaned back against the bulkhead and, with a few thoughts, locked the door again.

Rhiss…please stay.

With a tired groan, she shifted her weight on the bed and stroked along Wrex’s fur. The young woman was far from anxious to talk about Ryn, or anything, but she wasn’t just going to hide away forever. She couldn’t let herself do that…it wouldn’t do her any good and it wouldn’t do anyone else any good either.

I’m sorry I reacted that way. I shouldn’t have, but…I don’t like thinking about these things, much less talking about them…especially not with a member of the council.

[Dire Wolf]

To say that Rhissai was surprised by Talau's request would have been an understatement. The woman had nearly been about to go into over-emotional mode as soon as she was able to get back to her quarters. It seemed that this young woman had unknowingly managed to dredge up feelings from her past, feelings that she should have never allowed to consume her so fully. So fully, in fact, that she'd only just recovered from the hollow chill in her heart that was left in the wake of the relationship.

Rhiss didn't bother to delude herself with the notion that no-one would discover her indiscretion. Besides, her infidelity to the Order had always felt like something of a great burden on her shoulders, one that she couldn't shrug off. She'd debated tell Jace countless times, and then simply leaving the Order shortly thereafter to just... live... but the people of the galaxy were far better served if she was where she was. As could the Jedi.

"If you're sure that you want to talk about him, Talau. I don't want to force it," a half sigh pushed its way past her lips as she turned around and sat down on the chair closest to the bed. Her soft face was knit together in something of hurt, but not from Talau's actions... from her pain.

The large, muscular form of the midnight black Vornskr quickly began to lean heavily into Talau as she shifted about on her bed. Those lupine ears flattened against his massive skull and a little whimper left his vocal chords, almost as if he could feel the emotions from Rhissai. She did her best to hide them... but she could hide nothing from her great companion. He moved his head up, nuzzling it into her abdomen as best he could.

"If I told you that I... understand... what you're going through," she asked, her voice only beginning to lose its tact and composure, "would you believe me?" Shame. Not even her marvelous walls of her mind could hold in the emotion that gnawed at her from within. Embarrassment. It stowed her tongue from speaking, and caused her following words to be staggered... even moreso than earlier. Fear. It rose up within her heart in protest, causing her chest to well up in rebellion. "It-... Its why you're still... in... the order. I may be a hypocrite, but no so much of one to... punish... you for," she took a long pause, and her mouth searched for the correct words, "loving someone."

Why was she telling Talau this? Simple: to help deal with the pain. Sometimes knowing that you aren't alone in your pain helps, even if its ever so slightly. That, and Talau would leave the Order if she told a soul. For some odd reason, the Force bade her to ask the following question, though it was still obvious that she was on the edge of tears, "is he... still alive?"

[Talau the Ever-Lurking]

Sitting cross legged on the bed, fingers laced together, elbows resting against her knees and mouth pressed against her forefingers, Talau was listening.

There was a difference between her hearing and listening, like there was with everyone, but especially with Talau. She listened with more than her ears…she listened with her ears, eyes, the force…and what she heard was that something was bothering the master…perhaps moreso than her own emotions were bothering her. There was an almost oppressive weight to the air about the woman, not so unlike the one she felt stifling her every day since her return. Blue grey eyes watched the swirls through the woman’s aura, the vibrations along the threads connecting between Rhiss and the vornskr resting on the bed. Her words meant little…there was no choice in this for Talau, she already knew that…and it wasn’t because Rhiss was going to force her to speak.

As those vibrations along the threads became more pronounced, Talau felt Wrex lean heavily against her and attempt to nuzzle further into her abdomen. Keen gaze never left the space between Rhiss and her companion, studying the bonds there…visible or not to Rhiss. Perhaps to her it simply looked as if Talau were staring off into space, thinking deeply on her reply. The woman spoke more…asking if she would believe that Rhiss understood what she was going through. Honestly? No…no one understood what she was going through…not completely…but with feeling the sting of loss…yes, it was possible she understood.

It is possible that you understand, yes. I would be rather foolish to discount the notion.

That keen gaze returned back to Rhiss at her question. Was he still alive?

I believe so, yes. I’ve felt…things….from him before, and I refuse to believe that he is dead. I cannot be absolutely certain that I'm correct…not yet…but I believe he’s still alive. Where, or whether he believe ME to still be alive…I can’t say. If I were to take a guess, however, I would think he does not believe I am…he would have been waiting for me if he did. Why?

She was, sadly, a wall of dammed up emotions. Certainly that pain could still be felt, but it was nothing compared to what she felt behind those walls. Talau was skilled, perhaps a bit too well, in masking the extent of her emotions. She’d mastered the art of allowing small amounts of her emotions to seep out through those walls, keeping the pressure behind them down and allowing her to react fairly normally to the galaxy around her without allowing everything to be known…without allowing those deep emotions to gain control and cloud her thinking, or to be felt and used against her. It was a strictly controlled flow, like water through the flood gates of a dam.