Xavier Jast(Creating But Still Post Ideas)

[xavier]

Name: Xavier Jast
Race: Human
Age: 12
Height: 5'0
Weight: 114
Appearance:
Birth place: Alderaan/ Aldera

Faction: Jedi
Rank: Padawan (Trained by Nicholas Betulia)

Bio:
Birth
Xavier was born right before his mother Helena died from being Murdered.A Bounty Hunter named Calo Huerta killed her when she didnt pay a Crime Lord her Debt. Xavier was a Baby from that time. His father Warn took care of him until he was 2 years old. But he felt he was'nt ready for parenting. His father died by being run over Speeder accident. He walked out on to the Walkway and didnt look where he was going. Nicholas Betulia found the child and took him to Courasant since his father meant to send him there before he died. He saw the Boy as a Force Sensitive. When he turned 5 years old the Jedi Academy accepted him as an apprentice.
5-7: Training
Xavier was trained with Droids and he was put on more difficult levels as he got older. He would meditate most of the time. He could pick up alot while he was meditating.He would study for his Exams every day to get smarter.
8-12: Padawan Years
When he turned 12 he had moved up to the rank of Padawan. He started helping the Counsil in many crime cases and being reported as the youngest officer ever. At this age he reads many Datapads and he is really intelligent. He knows many languages and usually speaks those languages to his class-mates at his school. He is always a little on the Path to the Dark Side but he can control himself. His Master would Spar with him during his training.Then he was taught the Oath,Code,and Constructed a Lightsaber. He had also traveled to Lehon and looked up history of the Force. He took a pet Gizka and named it Zapper. He would talk to the Rakata about their history so he can learn more about the Galaxy. He bought a Swoop Bike to make Credits from Races when ever he got a Racing Bond he would go to Yavin and sell them to a Merchant for Thousands of Credits to buy upgrades for it. he also bought two Droids. One was a Battle Droid and the Other was a Utility Droid.
The Battle Droid looked like this.
And the Utility Droid looked like this.
His master would also have a Dummy of a Terentatek even thoughh Xavier knows that he couldnt defeat a real one. After he was done training him of basic punching and kcking he taught him moves he could use for self defense.When he finshed his training on Unarmed fighting he was really exited to move on to melee fighting. He was trained with a Vibro Sword and some disc his master threw at him. Every time Nicholas threw a disc Xavier had to hit it before it hit him.

Lightsaber: Single blade (Shoto)

Practiced Lightsaber forms:

Shii-Cho: 3
Makashi: N/A
Soresu:N/A
Ataru:N/A
Shien / Djem So: N/A
>>Sub-form Backhanded
Niman
>>Sub-form Jar-kai, or Dual Wield
Juyo
Double Bladed Combat


Force-Sensitive Abilities or practices:

Telekinetic: 2
Telepathic: 2
Body: 2
Sense: 2
Protection: 2
Healing: 2
Destruction: 0

Specialized Skills:


Attributes:

Physical Strength: 4
Intelligence: 6
Speed: 5
Leadership: 4

Unarmed: 3
Melee Weapons: 4
Ranged Weapons: 0

Force Attunement: ##
From -10 to +10
+4

RP Sample:
Xavier was on Tatooine and the Ground was hot and sandy.
Xavier flicked his lightsaber on and said.
"You are the one who killed my mother?Oh, I've been waiting a long time for this Calo."
"No please dont hurt me!"Calo said nervously.
"You always wanted to die. Time to end you."
"No Xavier thats the Path to the Dark Side Never kill someone unwillingly unless they are a threat trying to kill you."Nicholas said.
"Yeah dont go to the Dark Side or whatever."Calo said
"You are lucky my Master let me spare you.But if I ever see you again Ill kill you."Xavier said with rage.

[Deleted]

Ok everything up top looks pretty good to me. He might be a little overweight I'll have to go look and come back with an edit and let you know.

ok so unto the bio

Part one:

Xavier was born before his mother died from a Heart Attack.His father took care of him until he was 2 years old. His father died by being run over Speeder accident. He was sent to the Jedi Academy in Courasant since his father meant to send him there before he died. When he turned 5 years old they accept him as an apprentice. They took Nicholas Betulia to be his mentor and master.

Alright so I think your going to need more detail about his childhood. What were his parents names? how old was he when his mother died of a heart attack? why did his father want to send him to the Jedi Temple? Most parents aren't fond of the idea of being separated from their children.

If his father died when he was two but he didn't get accepted until he was five what did he do for the intervening three years, and Younglings don't become Padawans until 12-13 so he wouldn't have a master just yet.

Part two:

Xavier was trained with Droids and he was put on more difficult levels as he got older. He would meditate most of the time. He could pick up alot while he was meditating.
His Master would Spar with him during his training.Then he was taught the Oath,Code,and Constructed a Lightsaber.

Ok to start off here I'm going to recommend you include a great deal more detail about his training, and he woudln't create a lightsaber until he was a padawan. so not for another few years. Ok and the sparring with his master thing. Like a mentioned above he wouldn't have a mentor until he was a padawan and odds are he would spar against other Padawans. you could change it to one of his instructors though.

Part three:

8-12: Padawan Years
When he turned 12 he had a Rare exception of Early acception of Padawans. He started helping the Republic on missions and is now a Soldier in the Republic Army.

actually 12-13 is just about the right age for become a Padawan I do believe, and he wouldn't have a whole lot to do with the republic military that young.

Telekinetic: 3
Telepathic: 3
Body: 3
Sense: 3
Protection: 3
Healing: 1
Destruction: 2 0

Specialized Skills:


Attributes:

Physical Strength: 7 4
Intelligence: 6
Speed: 5
Leadership: 4

Unarmed: 4 3
Melee Weapons: 6 3-4
Ranged Weapons: 3 0

Ok so most of your stats are solid with a few exceptions. I marked what numbers I feel would be more appropriate for a 12 year old Jedi padawan. His 7 in strength is high considering he's not even and adult yet. Unarmed a was a bit high as well considering as a jedi he would have had to divide his time up between other kinds of studies and not just combat. Same applies to Melee weapons.

I recommended a zero for Ranged weapons because the Jedi don't train Padawans in the use of Blasters or Firearms and you don't really mention when he might have learned how to use them on his own.

ok and to skip back up to the top and look at your force stats I thought most of them looked alright with the exception of destruction. Padawans or any Jedi really aren't trained to use the force offensively (i.e. Force Lighting, Force Choke) and that's what destruction is.

RP Sample:
Xavier flicked his lightsaber on and said.
"Oh I've been waiting a long time for this Calo."
"No please dont hurt me!"Calo said nervously.
"You always wanted to die. Time to end you."
"No Xavier thats the Path to the Dark Side Never kill someone unwillingly unless they are a threat trying to kill you."Nicholas said.
"Yeah dont go to the Dark Side or whatever."Calo said
"You are lucky my Master let me spare you.But if I ever see you again Ill kill you."Xavier said with rage.

ok well this is kind of choppy and you don't really include any detail as to the terrain, or describe the physical appearance of those involved in the RP and from a lore standpoint it's unlikely that as a Jedi padawan he would be given to such threats or Outbursts of rage. If Jedi can't learn to control their emotions they generally don't get accepted as Padawans.

Ok so that about wraps this up for me. I would invite anyone else to go over can point out anything they see or correct what mistakes I made. Also Xavier remember this is all advice and whatnot. Your not required do any what I've put down Just a helping hand and all that.

[Arc <3 (who is a girl)]

Hmmm... Good evening. I'm bored out of my mind, so I might as well post up a critique. Again, I'm no mod and you don't have to listen to anything I say. Sorry if I'm overly critical! And yes, I know it's not evening, but who cares!

He was sent to the Jedi Academy in Courasant since his father meant to send him there before he died. When he turned 5 years old they accept him as an apprentice. They took Nicholas Betulia to be his mentor and master.

I have a big problem with this. First of all, his father wouldn't just up and decide that he needed to be sent to the Jedi Temple on Coruscant. If he was Force-Sensitive, he would have to wait until the Council Members found him, which would not be when he was two years old. He would have to be around five when they found him. Also, a Youngling stays a Youngling until around age 12. He would not have been chosen as the Padawan of Nicholas Betulia until he was about 12 years old. There's still a bit of "classroom learning" Younglings go through before they are chosen. I would recommend adding a paragraph or two about his Youngling years, and him training as a youngling before being chosen at age 12. If you have any questions about this, consult a moderator or wookieepedia. It can be your friend!

On a side note, I don't think a Youngling would be given holograms of Sith Masters to defeat. That's impossible. Change it... Or else! hehe.

NO NO NO! I see many problems with your third paragraph, and I don't feel like adding in all my commentary. I'm sure Twysper will point it out when they come along. It's just too much for me to write up at the moment. A 12 year old cannot learn to speak multiple languages so fast, he could NOT be a soldier in the army, etc... Ugh. Sadly, I have to leave my comp, so I cannot add anymore than that. Change his destruction skill to a 0 and edit what Hax has said and you should be... on the right path.

Thank you, kind sir, and good luck.

[.:Falcon:.]

I'd like a bit more on his appearance. The pic is a bit small, and we really can't see what he looks like.

I'd like to say that a child doesn't have to be five to be accepted at the temple. In fact, I'm pretty sure it's Alderaan where, if a kid is Force-sensitive, he'll be picked up very early. And if a kid is Force-sensitive, they'll bring him in for training/etc, even if he's three. The younger the better, is the principle there.

Question- if his mother was murdered, then what kept her murderers from killing her child? Why was she murdered? Who murdered her? What did Xavier's father do?

Jedi don't use holograms extensively, especially not holograms that would so intentionally foster violence. Also, there would be no holograms of Sith acolytes, because Sith do not exist at this point, so it would be anu nrealistic scenario.

12 is not early acceptance for a Padawan. 12 is barely scraping by under the wire before being shuttled off to the agricorps or other service.

He started helping the Republic on missions and is now a Soldier in the Republic Army.

Wait, what? I thought he was a Jedi. Jedi do not fight in the military, like you see in the Clone Wars. At this point in the timeline, the Jedi are mere consultants, observers in the galaxy.

The rest of your history is chaotic. Such things would not be done by a Jedi Padawan. At 12, a Jedi is still on the cusp between Youngling and Padawan- hardly able to build a lightsaber or travel all alone from planet to planet. Think a bit more about your character's age group and what a 12 year old would be doing.

Stats- a Jedi Padawan of such age would not have such a high destruction stat.

When did Xavier learn to use melee weapons, or fight unarmed? Remember, lightsabers are not counted as melee weapons. Needs more explanation in the bio.

[xavier]

OK I give up.

[Kella]

Do you want me to move it to Incomplete for you?