Naavechi Rijaal

Bio:


- The Beginning -

Naavechi was born when the sky was on fire. The earth was turning its shoulder on the sun, and in wrath at the betrayal, the sun set the sky ablaze, consuming it in brilliant streaks of orange and crimson. The silent fire descended upon the village, into the mind and heart of that little girl. Her new lungs boldly shouted to the world, 'I am alive!'

Patata and Manana, she would learn to call them. Father and Mother. And they called her Babili, the generic title for a young child, because it was not yet time to give her a name. Babi was not a demanding infant. She spent more time with her big black eyes wide open than she did crying or sleeping or eating. For a while, she was content as long as she could see the world, and loved nothing more than to stay in Manana's sling, seeing what Manana saw, going where Manana went.

However, doom came in little Babi's first steps. It seemed as soon as she was rolling she was crawling, and as soon as she was crawling she was walking, and as soon as she was walking she was running, and as soon as she was running she was climbing, and in the small space of two years, no place in the hut was safe from the curious girl.



- The Name -

One day, after Patata spent half an hour looking, to find the girl hiding in the top of a stack of large clay urns, he declared suddenly, 'I know what her name is to be!'

All the family was gathered; Patata's three brothers, and their wives, and Manana's two sisters, and their husbands, and Patata's father, and his siblings and their families, and on and on until the little village square was filled with a throng of fantastic color. Babili's brother, older by two years, stood by Manana, who had a brand new infant in her sling -- a new little sister for Babili. But Babili wasn't with all of them, she was on Patata's hip. She looked skeptically at the wrinkled old patriarch, with his many colors and his grayish eyes, but Patata handed her to him, and she trusted Patata. The patriarch talked a while, and then he held her high up in the air -- which Babili loved, and he shouted out her name. "Nah-VEE-chee!" he said, making music of the syllables, and Patata smiled big. Naavechi. Her name meant 'little wind'. But not just any wind -- an ocean wind. Because, as Patata would tell her later, they were the fastest, the trickiest, the slipperiest, and the best of all.



- The Life -

Not long after, Naavechi, or Naavi, as she came to be called, and her clan made another trek across the plains, and settled on the east coast, at Ka Laka, 'Cove Laka'. Naavi would soon get to feel the ocean breezes for herself. Her father and the other men hunted the Lakas, the name-sakes of the coves, while her mother gathered the flavorful seaweeds of the cove. They did so, for the season, and then moved on.

Such is the life of a nomadic people, and such is the life in which Naavechi thrived. As she grew, her skin gradually changed from the vague gradient of an infant. As soon as she had been given her name, colors and splashes, symbols and the likes had begun to appear on her skin. There was a frankness and a simple assessment of reality in her personality, and these traits would never leave her. As familiar as parents were the veol and veolle, mates, that shadowed her parents. It was to them that she owed her future repertoire of bedtime stories.

Third and fourth birthdays passed, and Naavechi looked up to her older brother, Gherre, more and more. He taught her about her Gedaante, the manifestation of her inner essence in the pattern of her skin, and he was always her escort at the biannual Hunt, a time in which all the members of a family, no matter how distanced, came together to hunt, and feast, and compete. Naavechi also payed some attention to her younger siblings, and she would sometimes take care of her little sister, and the other infants that came -- albeit grudgingly.



- The Girl -

She was six, and then seven, and little Naavi proved that not only was she adventurous, she had no fear. Nothing intimidated her -- not the massive Quarinuu that roamed nearby, not heights, not stinging insects. She simply could not stay where Mana and Pata told her to stay -- there was too much exploring to do! Pata considered harsh discipline for this disobedience, but he realized that he couldn't make his little wind deny a part of herself. So, on evenings after his long days as tracker, he would teach her the proper way to take care of herself, to be able to watch the animals to see what plants were good or bad, to know what insects would sting, and what beasts were less fearsome than they appeared.

Anyone and Everyone taught her all she needed to know. The older women showed her the foods and plants of the land, while she learned her colors by watching the artists, and their powder paint. The men taught her counting with their spear-games, and how to carve a bit of wood. Naavechi even befriended the tribe's Scribe, who taught her how to read and write the Chronicler's symbols. Naavechi's mind grew as fast as she did; her hands and eyes were on everything, and everything had a lesson.

As with most Nihran youth, Naavi spent quite a bit of time mingling with the Graarls of the tribe. It was at this time that she began to understand the bond between a vriend and a veol, a Nihran and their Graarl friend. The bond was deep, deeper than any normal friendship. Naavi came to understand that Maaari and Skeeer, the Graarls who had often played with her as an infant, or watched her while her parents were out, were veol and veolle to Patata and Manana. She listened intently to Maaari's stories of how she and Manana had met Skeeer and Patata, and Skeeer gave her exhilarating rides upon his back, sometimes taking her up into the air, until her weight had outgrown his strength.

By the time Naavi was nine, her tribe had travelled all over the continent, from the chilled mountains where Naavi would catch snowflakes on her tongue, to the hottest of the plains, where she would lounge in the cool mud-flats with the weed hogs.

Her and five other children formed a tight-knit group. They were her brother's friends, all about twelve or a little younger. Even though Naavechi was only nine, she fit right in. After all, prejudices didn't matter -- they'd all been playing together since Naavi was barely four.

When Naavi turned ten, the group was allowed to roam more freely, and they began to go hang out at the Graarls' Roosts, and with some of the younger Graarls who had not taken a vriend. Soon, their numbers grew, and the friends welcomed two males, and a female Graarl.

The Graarls were much more interested in things like Physics and Philosophy than were the Nihran, and the three Graarls had all sorts of things to teach the group. For instance, they demonstrated that all objects, regardless of mass, will fall at the same rate, by diving off the massive sea cliffs, and watching as all the splashes sprayed up at the same time. The Graarls rounded the group off perfectly, and Naavechi could not have asked for better friends.



- The Learning -

It became time to learn the ways of the Nihran, of spears and arrows, and of the bond of a vriend. Naavi, vouched for by her brother, and inseparable from her friends, attended these lessons as the older ones did.

Three years passed, and Naavi's skill and friendships grew in equal measure. She wasn't the best at anything, but she was good at just about everything, and even great at a few things. To an extent, her success came from an inner ability to learn, but more important was her attitude. She wasn't afraid to try anything, and she wasn't afraid of failing. She didn't quit, and so, she succeeded. This trait manifested itself on her Gedaante in the purple silhouette of a flying Rreet, a small bird with a trailing, split tail. The little things were known for their refusal to give up -- battling harsh sea winds for the best nesting cliffs, even when others would do. Naavechi empathized with the birds, and so that silhouette would remain on the underside of her left wrist, a reminder of that refusal to quit.



- The One Left Behind -

It was a sad day for Naavi when it came time for the coming of age rituals. She watched as each of her friends faced their challenges and succeeded (albeit some on their second or third try), and Naavi longed to do the same. But she couldn't -- she wasn't ready yet. The group of friends drifted apart as they were, one by one, declared an adult, and went on to another tribe, or to join their chosen professions. Even the Graarls moved on, inseparable from their newly chosen vriends.

Naavi, still twelve, was left basically alone. Except, that is, for her brother. He would still go exploring with her, and romp with her, and somehow, he made that next two year wait a little easier.



- The Anticipation -

Pata and Mana were quite proud to see the sort of girl their little Naavi was turning out to be. Her sharp tongue got her into trouble at times, but she had an opinion, and she was not shy in speaking it -- a prized quality among the Nihran. She truly loved her Mana and Pata, and so she tried to show her appreciation by helping to tend to her four younger siblings, even though It wasn't always pleasant.

Finally, early in her fifteenth year, the day to prove herself came. She was given the choice between several rites of passage, and if she failed, she would be allowed to try again until she succeeded (assuming she survived). Naavi knew that she could make a trek through the jungle, or probably take down a Kruunt. And, she was confident enough to lead a hunt, and she'd seen so many, so it could be be that much of a challenge to her. She hadn't tried before, but she was good at those sorts of things. What she didn't know, however, was whether or not she could climb a mountain. The Range's second highest peak, Mount Kebata, twin to the Graarls' largest Roost, Mount Abek. There was no dishonor in choosing another task, and the mountain claimed more young lives than any other, but Naavechi's mind was set. She was ready.

Or so she thought.



- The Sugar Coat -

The first thousand feet went marvelously. Having entered the thick trees with nothing save the clothes she wore, Naavechi had quickly gone about finding a sharp bit of shale to use as a knife, and twisting a dead vine about itself to make a reliable rope.

The forest seemed to welcome Naavechi, and game trails were her highways, the sun a bright navigation sign. That first day, she traveled fifteen miles, four thousand feet up the foot of the mountain. Her morale had never been higher. However, she was less than a third of the way, and there was still a long trek in store.

Naavi had spent nights in the forest before, and she quickly calculated how large her fire would need to be to keep away the predators. A few small rodents and some under-ripe fruit served as dinner, and thus concluded Naavechi's first day.

The second day was much harder. The aforementioned rodents and fruit didn't fill her up nearly as well as Pata's steak and Mana's stew, and she realized now that she'd taken the regular sustenance for granted. Naavi decided to appreciate them more, as she spent the first half of her day vaguely hungry. The landscape became much steeper, and by noon, even Naavechi's well-toned calves were beginning to burn. This day, nine miles of hiking brought her up seven thousand feet -- it was growing much steeper. Naavi emerged from the forest, into a loose, rocky tundra, and here she camped, quite exhausted for the night.



- The Bitter Truth -

If the second day had been difficult, the third day humbled her completely. It started well enough. She actually made more vertical distance in the first few hours than she had compared to the other days. Her determination had gone from a satisfied confidence, to a rugged fighting spirit, but all was well. She left the last tree behind as she reached the heights were only scrub brush could grow. The rocky soil became crumbling shale, faces of rock that Naavi had to use her rope to scale.

And then came the winds. They weren't called Taereviika, the weary claws, for poetic reasons. They brought clouds down from above, with tiny daggers of ice that rubbed the skin raw. Their howling drowned out all thought, and they pushed weariness into the very marrow of Naavechi's bones. She couldn't go on. She couldn't make it an inch further. All she could do was crawl into a rocky hollow, like some sniveling animal, to escape the winds.

Naavechi was furious, absolutely furious with herself. She was furious with herself for hiding, for stopping, for giving up. But all that fury couldn't make her go out in that storm again, because the truth was, she hadn't stopped because she was exhausted, she'd stopped because she was scared. Terrified.

The rocks were icy and slick, and the winds were so strong, she felt as if they could flick her off, and send her tumbling down the jagged rocks. She should be confident in her abilities. But oh, by all things holy, she was so scared. Where had her courage gone? Her bravery?

Safe in the crag, she let the Karanta (foam toad) she'd been carrying hope around a bit. The thin foam that it secreted was an amazing insulator, and any smart Nihran knew to us a thin film of it to take the bite out of frigid air. And, despite her unbroken layer of the stuff, Navechi shivered.

Navechi's emotions went from fury and despair to numbness. The epiphany didn't dawn upon her slowly, in a moment of dramatic tension, as literature is so prone to characterizing such things. Rather, it was as if she was suddenly aware of something that had always been there, like first noticing a paper cut, but having no idea where it came from.

She had never been brave. She had never been courageous. She'd never been afraid, but absence of fear was not the same thing as courage. Because courage was overcoming fear, there couldn't be courage if there wasn't fear. Navechi realized this would be a defining moment. As an adult, she was going to face things that would scare her. So, either she was going to have courage, or she was not, and her choice here, now, was going to set her path.

That was enough to get Navechi back on her feet, the fire reawakened in her bones. It burned brightly and fiercely, and as she stepped out into the winds again, it took the bite out of the bitter cold.

If she was going to die, she was going to die with courage.



- The Pain of Pruning -

The passage of time was lost in the opaque winds. But soon they ended, as every storm does, and the bright, unfiltered sun cast down upon Naavechi. She could look down to see the swirling halo of icy mist around the mountain below. The air was cold, the sun was warm, and the peak was in sight. Navechi was satisfied, but not proud. After all, being proud of your courage defeated the point of it.

It seemed like a new day up on the top of the mountain, and Naavechi knew that what she'd learned would change her. Not only that, but from the upper slopes, Naavechi saw a completely different world. The lakes like rain puddles, rolling plains like animal skins, and towering evergreens reduced to moss.

The land raced away to the east, and Navi could see the misty sea. To the west, the coastal mountains stood regal, cloaked by purple haze, while to the north, the landscape leapt and fell in a forest of mountains.

But to the south... The view was most spectacular of all. Naavechi could see every place she had ever lived, every place she had ever been. Her entire life could be encapsulated in a single pane of view.

Navi felt so big, for making it to the top of the mountain, and yet, she felt so small compared to the elegant hulks of the mountains, and the vastness of the earth.

As she crested the very tip of the peak, a Graarl came into view. He was an old one, with many chinks and scars in his armor of scales, and he looked at her kindly. He welcomed her as 'Vrou' for she was a woman of the clan, and a child no longer. 'Good work' he said, and Naavi smiled.

He had at his feet a sling, into which Naavi settled herself, seeing that the opposite side was secured around his broad shoulders. With a few powerful strokes of his wings, The Graarl had lifted the sling enough to clear the rock of the peak. A Graarl couldn't fly with the burden of a near full-grown Nihran, but he could glide, and so began the long, winding descent through the mountains. Never had Naavechi experienced such an amazing feeling, and she would realize, as her life went on, that nothing else could quite compare.



- The Woman -

Within the next day, Naavechi's Gedaante reflected her transition from child to adult, from girl to woman, from observer to warrior. She knew that now, her skin would bear more than the vague patterns of color -- it would gain symbolism and definition. From her rite of passage, she had gained perspective. The ability to see herself and her abilities for what they were. Nothing more and nothing less. Black -- a somber color -- now formed a patch, around her left eye, and vaguely the same shape. On the outside corner, the black tapered upwards, to a point, leading to a series of dots that descended in size, the last in the center of her temple. Perspective was serious, it was black. But in the eye, black was beauty, black was spirit. But Perspective was a journey, a journey of growth like the trailing dots.

Navechi returned to her clan, expected to take care of herself as an adult would. And so she did, and the independence her parents allowed her only made her love them more. Her attempt to recreate the view from the mountain for her brother, scratched into moist sand, caught the attention of another adult in the clan, who complemented the accuracy of the proportions of the drawing. Naavi tucks these words away, but she wouldn't try her hand at drawing again for quite some time.

Rather, she was caught up in the exhilaration of new freedom. Spring came quickly, and with it, the women's hunt. Massive flocks of avians soars over the plains in the spring, and the women Of the clan, with the help of their Graarl vriends, shot the avians from the sky, for their colorful feathers and sweet meat.



- The Hunt -

The Graarls would take the sky, an amazing example of nature's engineering skills. Naavi's first hunt was for a sky full of Noiiree, big black birds with iridescent feathers and plump meat. They were large, slow targets, and the Graarls banked and swerved to drive them into a dense mass.

The challenge of the Noiiree was that they had tough skin, and an arrow had to be shot strongly -- but not necessarily accurately -- to take one down. Naavi's faithful bow, the one she had made herself, was twanging beautifully, and after a few excited, erratic shots, Naavi managed to steady herself, and bring down two Noiiree by the time the day was done.

Quite satisfied, she listened intently as the Eldest Graarl huntress reported on the population of the birds, watching the fat black birds flying away. There weren't as many breeding females this year, said the Graarl, and the Nihran in charge replied by promising that they'd be sure to respect the birds.

Naavi had never considered that her people might regulate themselves in such a way. After all, if the animals were too weak to survive, didn't that make them fair prey? She later inquired this of Pata, and his answer she would treasure.

The Nihran were not strong enough to take down their prey alone, so they used the strength of their mind and their spirit to make weapons, as extensions of themselves, he said. However, using these weapons was a privilege: a privilege that came from understanding them and creating them individually. As new minds made new weapons, the weapons gained power. This power over the prey was not to be taken lightly. With this power, the Nihran could hunt even more prey than the Graarls. So, that power had to be used wisely. Because it could upset the balance of nature, instead of being subjected to it, using that power in balance became the responsibility of the wielder. And that is why the Nihran did as they did -- because it was the responsibility of a warrior to preserve the balance.

The next morning, she awoke to a dark black band around her right wrist. The hand with which she strung the arrows on her bow... the shackle of responsibility? It had to be. But with the shackle, her Gedaante had brought another change. Just below her neck, centered over where the two blades of her collarbone came together, was a symmetrical shape. It was yellow, a free color. The swooping lines formed two wings. Wings were flight, wings were nature. The wings were there because Naavi understood -- with the shackle of responsibility comes a subtler thing -- the honor of seeing things... as they were meant to be. Free.



- The Veol -

It was during the next six months (in which she entered her sixteenth year) that Naavechi began to mingle with the Graarls when her family passed by a Roost. It was common practice for new warriors, as nearly every Nihran had a Veol, a Graarl to which they were bonded, by some inexplicable force...

Inexplicable indeed. Just as the fleshy green stalks of the prairie grass were turning course and brown for the coming summer, Naavi found her Veol. Or, more accurately, he found her. He simply started following her around. And that was it. He'd subtly appeared and subtly followed, chiming in to her conversations, and fetching things seemingly before even Naavechi knew she needed them. And that was that. No words were spoken on the matter. Their partnership wasn't, and then it simply was.

For the purpose of this narrative, this particular fellow will henceforth go by the name of 'Rusty'. The Nihran couldn't pronounce his Graaat name any better than a human could pronounce his Nihrani name, as it is for all those on Astrum V. Therefore, even though he will not earn the nick-name 'Rusty' for many years, he will henceforth be referred to as such.

Rusty and Naavechi found they had as many differences as they had similarities, but something in the bond between a vriendin and veol compelled them each to lend the other a little grace. It was in this that they could find in each other a better friend than either had ever had. It surprised Naavi, but she found she loved Rusty just as well as she loved her brother.



- The Warrior -

A year passed. Naavechi grew in mind and body, her Gedaante becoming bright and colorful as her inner self. She was sixteen now, and though she could not quite be counted an asset to the hunting parties, she no longer hindered them. Rusty had a quiet, strong air to him, but when he spoke, it was with an unwavering confidence. And his sense of humor... well, when it reared its head, it could be quite startling.

Naavi was starting to find a place for herself, slowly drifting away from the shore and lighthouses of her mentors, charting her own course. Her Mana became less a mother, more a friend; her Pata went from the voice of discipline, to a silent encourager. Her brother, however, remained much the same. They had their... disagreements, as all siblings do, but she still held for him a deep admiration.

One of the most telling things about a warrior is the weapons she carries. Over the next two years, Naavi's bow became one of stronger hew, not perfect, but crafted with confidence. Her arrows, once irregular, were now nearly identical. Precision had entered into her craft.

The serrated tooth-dagger at her belt whispered that she'd learned to be a fisher, helping to take down a massive oceanic predator, and sharing in the spoils.

The obsidian carving knife, with its long, slender blade, bore silent evidence to the day her feet had braved the hot coals of the coastal lava fields.

Last was the war-axe, with its heavy head. It was a segment of the serrated beak of a Kruunt, earned when she, with the aid of Rusty, had brought down the animal. She'd lost blood for the right to carry that axe, but it had been worth it. So worth it.



- The Predicament -

The sun and moon of Naavi's eighteenth birthday came with celebration.

And yet, it came with tension. Naavechi was a vibrant girl, with a physiology as attractive as her Gedaante. Naturally, she had garnered attention, and being an easy friend, she'd had a few suitors over the few years. All of them were fine friends, but as Rusty was adamant in insisting, none of them were quite... right. As it was with Naavi's current pursuer.

Things were more complicated though, as he was one of the six of that tight-knit group. He was a part of her childhood, and he and her brother were still great friends. But what did Naavechi have to fear? If he could take her honesty well, then he truly was her friend. But if he could not -- well, that was his problem. Such was her way of dealing with things.

This met with her mother's well-intentioned exasperation. Most girls her age had already found a husband, and Mana, of course, had some wonderful suggestions, but Naavechi had refused to settle down. She wasn't about to change her mind now. As it were, that didn't put Mana in the best of moods...



- The City -

Like a butterfly flapping its wings, such seemingly minor decisions can have such far-reaching consequences...

Seeking a respite from an irritable mother and teasing siblings, Naavechi gladly accompanied a few of her feminine tribe-mates for a day in Lawaailig. They were boisterous and easily distracted, and Naavi, more in the mood to think, had little trouble getting them to go on ahead, and leave her in peace.

It wasn't her first time in Lawaailig, but it was the first time she was old enough to appreciate it. The architecture was... dull. Sterile. Even though Nihran architecture was utilitarian, it still had character... But then, Naavi found her way to the central square, bustling in all its afternoon splendor, and found herself confronted with a while other sort of architecture.

She saw people, species that she'd never seen before, mingling together. There were stalls in the market, filled with familiar things -- Nihran jewelry and art. Once upon a time, as a girl, she'd helped some of the older women as they'd made art for market... But there were also unfamiliar things. Nick-knacks and spare parts, species and people, languages and vehicles...

To her right sprawled a few tables and chairs, sitting room for a quick-order cook, a sort of cuisine that was entirely foreign to Naavi. Dazed by the wonder of the square, and wanting only to soak it all in, she wandered over a chair and took her seat.



- The Stranger -

A sudden voice cut into her awe. Startled, Naavechi realized she'd accidentally sat at a table already occupied, by a strange looking creature. The pale, blank nature of his skin was disconcerting to the Ninhran, and he looked... well, he looked like a bird, with large, insightful eyes, bushy eyebrows and a wild head of feathery hair. Naavechi began to stutter her apologies, stumbling over her chair as she tried to stand up. But he shook his head, and said something in a language Naavi did not understand. Though... something in his countenance told her he was friendly. So she sat.

The man turned and summoned someone -- as it turned out, a Graarl. Naavi had a brief conversation with her, the Graarl confessing that she knew Rusty, taking a moment to lament that he'd stayed behind. 'Miri' was what the man -- an Omwati -- called the Graarl. Miri was a motherly sort, and considered herself the welcome wagon for the residents of one of Lawaailig's Inns. As it were, she used her linguistic skills -- intrinsic for all Graarls -- to facilitate conversation between the two.

At first, Naavechi was made slightly uncomfortable by the odd show of friendliness. But, as she spoke, she realized that Solum Penna was just that sort of man -- willing to go out of his way to show a bit of kindness to any soul. He was an insightful fellow, and one of his comments hit the nail on the head; the wonder of the square wasn't because of any particular thing, it was simply because it was new, uncharted territory. He asked Naavi about the planet's landscape. It seemed like an odd question, but then Naavi remembered that off-worlders weren't allowed outside the city walls at any cost. She didn't feel bad about it in the least -- it was more than necessary to keep the irresponsible away from Astrum's virgin landscape. Even so, she soon found herself caught up in the grandeur of her home planet. Words escaped her, and not even Miri could help. So, Naavi conjured up that image that was burned in her mind -- her world from the top of the mountain, so high...

She began to trace on the table top, but Solum offered her a piece of something the same consistency as a painting hide, but more regular in color, and a stylus with a soft sort of... stone, graphite or coal or something. Equipped with a new sort of weapon, a new sort of tool, Naavechi rendered as best she could the proportions and the grandeur of Astrum, from that moment in which she had seen nearly all of it...

Solum was quiet for a moment. Then he mentioned that she had quite a bit of raw skill. Naavi was flattered, but unsure of quite what to think. She knew from the older women of her tribe that she had a steady hand with a paintbrush, but to impress an offworlder? That was something. Well, on second thought, maybe it was something innately Nihran, not innately Naavechi that had caught his eye.

It didn't really seem to logically follow, but something had reminded Solum of one of his passions, and he immediately began to spill forth hasty basic, almost too much for Miri to translate. Naavi couldn't understand him, but she could tell that this subject filled the old man with a particular excitement.

Cartography. The practice of using certain tools of measurement and observation to make maps. To be the first to chart uncharted landscape, to bring a light of clarity to the unknown, to look at something with a glance, and know what it was truly. For all it was, but nothing more. Naavechi was enthralled. Fascinated.

By now, Dusk had begun to overtake Lawaailig, and whisked Naavechi off again. Solum kindly took his leave, and Naavechi returned to the world of the Nihran once more.



- The Realization -

By the time Naavi returned, Mana had returned to her usual self, and silenced her siblings' teasing with a stern glare.

But now, there was a new shadow on her mind. That Cartographer fellow. The idea, the prospect of his profession... it captured her, fascinated her. Of course, the first thing she did was update Rusty. He rolled his eyes at Miri -- claiming she'd been a fussy old nurse -- but listened closely to Naavi.

When she finished, he spoke one and only one question. It caught her completely off-guard, but simultaneously quelled all her uncertainty.

"When do we leave?"

Naavi realized the longing in her heart, to see those new worlds, the wild, untouched places. Wanderlust. She'd never considered leaving Astrum, but Nihran had done it before. It wasn't unheard of. The more she thought about it, the more she realized that this exploring and recording of the unknown was her passion... She could be content on Astrum, but... wasn't passion what being a Warrior was about?

There was only one person who could quell all those questions. And even though Rusty knew her better... brother always knew best. So she went. And she talked to him. He drew just the same reaction as Rusty -- just as quickly. He admitted that he'd always figured she'd catch the exploring bug. After all, Gherre joked, the reason Naavechi wouldn't have a husband, is because exploring was her true love. Their family had lived everywhere on Astrum -- she'd seen practically every corner of it, even in eighteen short years. It was only a matter of time before her passion drew her off-planet. And this Solum -- Gherre insisted he'd have to meet the man first, but if Gherre approved... he'd give Naavi's voyage his blessing.



- The Verdict of Heart -

Next came her parents. Both Manana and Patata were as unsurprised as Gherre. It seemed everyone knew but her! They also insisted to meet this Solum, but Pata sneakily suggested dumping her in the city and banning her from returning, so well did he think this fit her.

Though the night was already halfway over, Naavi knew she would not sleep, but she did not want to be alone. So, she wordlessly invited Rusty along with her. They went to one of the seaside cliffs, not too far west from the city.

There Naavi rested, and thought. She was touched by her family. She loved them as fiercely as they loved her, but they were willing to put all their own needs aside to allow her to pursue her passion. She knew, from snatches of conversation, rumors, table-talk, that she would be able to write to her family, and them to her. The foreigners had a technology that let them send words across the gap between whole solar systems! Her family would only be able to send and receive them when they passed by the city... but it was still something. She would miss them terribly... and what about her sacrificing for them?

But when Naavi looked out over the roiling seas, all her fears disappeared. She thought of what lay beyond the oceans, and with what wonder it filled her... and then she looked at the sky. The thousands of stars. She could go there! Rusty looked at her meaningfully. She knew inside her, that this wonder, this excitement, this passion... this is what she was destined for. She was one of the few who would be called away from her motherland, to the world unknown... but she was ready.

She would remain a warrior. Astrum would always have a special place in her heart. She wore it in her whole skin, after all. Besides, she could always come back to Astrum.

Couldn't she?



- The Meeting -

The next day, Naavechi was back in the city. This time, with Manana, Patata, Gheere and Rusty. Rusty had no trouble finding Miri, who, in turn, had no trouble finding Solum. He had just checked out -- ready to leave the planet, after confirming the rumors that no, he would not be allowed out of the city.

He was surprised to see the family, but intrigued. Miri translated again, as Rusty was content to listen and offer his comments on both sides. They found their way to a city bench, where Pata and Gherre spent many hours talking with Solum, consulting Rusty to interpret his character. The men did not know business, and they did not know the galaxy, but they knew people. And, as dusk came once more... both knew that Solum was a good man. He would take proper care of their Naavechi.

Solum was at once surprised and delighted. He confessed that he'd taken interest in Naavi's abilities, but his integrity had prevented him from what he felt was interfering with a culture. He had too much respect for the Nihran to have done that.

An accord was reached. Solum would delay his departure from Astrum, and give Naavechi a week. A week to prove that she would be an asset to his company; that she could learn and follow instructions.

One week. Seven days. Naavechi's last seven days on Astrum.



- The Goodbye -

Naavechi knew how to learn. She had an innate skill for angles and measures. An agreeable demeanor. She and Solum hit it off, Rusty translating faithfully along the way. And so it was settled. Naavechi was the newest employee of Solum Penna's Cartography business.

Then came the day for her to say goodbye. Rusty broke off to do the same. First came Naavi's hunting friends. Her extended family members. Each of her five once-best-friends. Then her younger siblings -- fielding all their many questions and reminding them to always love and take care of Mana and Pata. Naavi gathered her things; her bow, dagger, knife, and axe; the clothes she and her aunts and mother had made; the trinkets she'd collected over the years; and a few other reminders of home.

Then came a harder good-bye. Mana and Pata. Teary and heartbreaking, but full of promises to write, promises to remember. Promises to always love, no matter what. Treasured words. Treasured love.

And finally the toughest good-bye of all. Gherre. Confidant, mentor, challenger, good at arguing, anything she could have asked for in an older brother. There were no words for that sort of good bye, but none were needed. They knew each other too well. An embrace, an expression. So little, and yet so much.

No matter what Naavechi was leaving behind, she'd hardly be lonely. There was one person she could not bear to be separated from -- he was closer than blood. Rusty was as much a part of Naavi as her own Gedaante was.

Solum was a grateful man, and with his eyes he thanked Naavechi's family. There was no sense in stretching out goodbyes.

Naavi stepped onto the starship, entering the galaxy, and leaving the land of the Nihran behind.

For good?

Naavi hoped not. But only time would tell.



- The Rebirth -

How can you describe an entire galaxy, hyperspace and holovids, powercells and comlinks, thousands of years of technology... to a woman who carries a bow?

You can't.

How can words show what it is like to be that woman, where her every waking moment seems like the strangest of dreams?

Words can't.

But, it can be said that Naavechi survived by learning to treat that dream as reality. She made it by opening her mind, letting go of questions like 'why' and 'how', because either would overwhelm her.

Naavi was discerning in what she learned to actually use. She was not about to sacrifice her ancestral values for convenience. And, while it was not only impractical -- but impossible -- to make each of the devices, she did want to know exactly how they worked. Rusty caught on quicker than she, and he explained such things well. Speaking of whom, the Graarl's Basic name, Rusty, came about in his usual way -- he simply decided that it fit, so that is what it would be.



- The Employment -

Naavi and Solum returned to his base of operations, where she met the rest of his surveying team. Rosha, an older Umbaran woman, was quick to take Naavi under her wing, while Leonardo, the muscle of the group, remained somewhat aloof. The job of the dark-skinned Kiffar was to deal with any violent wildlife the cartographers might stumble across in the field, and he would soon be joined by Rusty. There were at least two dozen other employees in the company, but Naavechi interacted with them only sparingly. They were most often out on smaller contracts, or they would join Solum when a big job that needed to be completed quickly. However, Solum had an extremely high standard for personal jobs. Until now, Rosha was the only one he trusted to uphold that standard, and Leo was the only he trusted to not get in the way. Now, Naavechi joined this inner sanctum of sorts.

The next two years were a blur. There was so much to learn, so much to absorb, so much to do. The names of the planets ran together, an unfamiliar alphabet, unfamiliar language. However, Rusty and Solum were quick to rectify this, and by the end of those two years, Naavechi was competent in Basic, and working her way towards fluency. Frustrations were as many and varied as the planets they visited. The tedium of true cartography, the envy of watching Rusty seamlessly pick up alien languages, uncomfortable climates, technology beyond her understanding. Even so, Naavechi persevered. Such is the way of a warrior. She found a soothing meditation in the repetition of their measurements, an odd conspiratorial comfort in knowing that when she spoke in Nihrani, only she and Rusty truly understood. Every strange climate was a new adventure, and Naavechi found that even despite all the technology... she really trusted her boy and her axe more anyway.

Rosha and Leo proved to be great friends. They were patient with Naavi's shortcomings, but they challenged her. Rosha was always willing to share an anecdote, and if you loosened Leo's jaw with just a little bit of bourbon... oh, he had the best stories! Solum was becoming like a second father to her. Even so, Naavechi still wrote to her family weekly, with a religious devotion. She received their replies every other month, and treasured each one.



- The New Profession -

As two years rolled into three, Naavi began to give back. She taught Rosha how to track; how to read the land for all its secrets. She let Leo in on the secrets of a Nihran bow, the particular way to cut the wood and string the sinew to make the arrows fly faster, swifter.

But her friends were generous, and for everything she gave, she received. Solum introduced her to the holofile -- a massive collection of information. Thousands of answers, at her fingertips! Leo made his own quiet contribution, further elaborating on the Nihran unarmed techniques. Naavechi gained the confidence to know that, should she ever be caught unawares in a dark alley... Her own body would be weapon enough.

It was amazing just how far two years had separated Naavechi from Astrum... She had learned so much. She had been changed greatly by the experience, and this was reflected in her Gedaante. Even so, the colors were as bright as they had always been. The spirit of Astrum still flowed through her veins. Though Naavi was becoming a citizen of the galaxy, she would always be a child of the Nihran.

What Naavechi thought was an offhanded mention, became quite an ordeal, as Rosha insisted on celebrating Naavi's twenty-first birthday. And so it was dinner in the big city.

It was almost like a second rite of passage. From that point forward, Naavechi was no longer treated -- and no longer felt -- like a foreigner. She started to feel like she belonged in the galaxy, like she could tell up from down, left from right. Rusty had assimilated equally well, and was able to strike up conversation with just about any stranger -- if he chose to reveal himself as sentient, that is. (To most, he appeared like the business's pet mascot, following Naavi around like a faithful hound.) Naavechi was truly part of the team.



- The Standard -

The business prospered for the next three years, official Republic contracts comprising most of its business. However, they had a healthy amount of private contracts as well -- sometimes as simple as representing in intricate detail a family property. Not all these jobs involved area entirely uncharted -- a significant number involved bringing Solum's brand of painstaking quality to a vaguely mapped area. Solum and his company had acquired a solid reputation over the years. He were expensive, but it was the price of quality -- none could quite match the accuracy of his maps.

Naavechi's passion gained a new facet. It wasn't just the uncharted territory that enthralled her. No, it was bringing... clarity. Bringing truth. It was using her knowledge to guide somebody else. Sometime in the future, someone -- many someones -- would upload those measurements into their datapad, would access those painstaking lines, angles, and distances. And then they would depend on that data -- they would depend on her -- to find their way. And so it was her responsibility to be absolutely accurate in every way -- but her honor as well.



- The Retirement -

Change is a fact of life. It is what allows a flower to become a fruit, a child to become an adult, a meal to become energy. Without change, one could not have snow or steam, fire or flint. A Warrior embraces change. That does not make the old any less valuable, any less treasured. Memories are the precious platinum of the soul. But by embracing change, a Warrior allows the future to become even better than the past, because they do not let themselves be distracted, disconcerted by change. This attitude was the deep blue river that flowed down the outside of Naavechi's right thigh, and it was the mindset with which Naavi approached Solum's retirement.

He was not as young as he used to be; obviously. The wrinkles on his face spoke so -- kind wrinkles, but wrinkles all the same. It had taken Naavechi a while to become accustomed to other species' signs of aging -- a Nihran's age could be best judged by the depth of the black in their eyes -- she knew that Solum was becoming old and stiff. He would still live near to the company's headquarters, but he would not be involved in its day to day business. And, most saddening of all, he would no longer be going out into the field.

He would be there, if Naavechi needed his affirmation or advice. But his retirement indicated a new level of his trust in Naavechi, and a new chapter in her Career. Naavi would be moving into the unnamed position previously held by Rosha, while Rosha would be moving up to the highest position. She was now owner, in Solum's place.

The five -- Solum, Rosha, Leo, Rusty and Naavi had survived so much together. One last round of drinks together brought out all the best stories. Rusty and Leo relived the thrill of taking down that Rancor on Felucia, and the Narglatch on Naboo... And Rosha laughed while Leo muttered, as Naavechi recounted the time he'd been violently startled by a Mruff -- a large, but incredibly docile herbivore. Solum chortled about disagreeable clients, Rusty impersonating them perfectly, and Rosha remembered when all their instruments had gone haywire... Leo, somewhat superstitious, had been unsettled, but it turned out to be nothing more than a local insect, squirming around in one of the sensors. Such good times...



- The Good New Times -

But now, with Rosha in charge, and more prospective clients than ever, things had to be different in Penna and Co. Cartographers. Naavechi figured she'd continue to work with Rosha, but it was not so. "You're good kid," the Umbaran had said. "Real good." Naavechi knew she had a way with the measures, but she didn't know she was good enough to warrant what came next. Rosha was giving Naavi her own branch.

With the influx of clients, they were going to need a more flexible facet of the business -- one in which the Company could hire employees for temporary contracts, in order to fulfill the flexing needs of the company. At least, until the core of the business could expand. Rosha saw potential for leadership in Naavechi, and selected her -- and Rusty, of course, to be the figurehead of this branch. Rosha would still be executive, but Naavi would be the in-field cartographer, hiring labor and protection as needed. The jobs would cost more to run, but the Company would charge more to compensate. It was a sound business decision, and, unbeknownst to Naavechi, Rosha's way of giving the girl supervised responsibility, knowing that one day, the business would become Naavi's.



- The Old Heart & The New Trial -

Even in the midst of the changes, Naavechi hadn't forgotten her heart. Rusty still knew her better than she knew herself, and he was an indispensable companion. Some weeks, she'd forget to send word home, but there was little she treasured more than her family's responses. Though she finally felt confident navigating the galaxy, she still had much to learn. On the one hand, her isolated upbringing had left her naive to darker aspects of the galaxy at large. On the other hand, her culture had gifted her a wisdom beyond her years.

A new eagerness filled Naavechi. Fresh kindle on the fire of her passion. Beyond the literal new ground... she was about to be challenged in a way she'd never been challenged before. As for being a leader, being in charge... She knew she could do it. She'd taught her younger siblings all sorts of things, shown the younger girls of the tribe how to tweak their bows. Rusty reminded her that the new responsibility would come with failure, tough learning...

Naavechi gritted her teeth and knew he wasn't kidding.

However, as Naavechi sat at the desk, flipping through all the prospective contracts... she couldn't help but let her heart race. Which planet would she go to next?

Which one would hold her next adventure?

- The End Beginning -

---

RP Sample:

“What exactly are you doing?” Rusty asked.

The answer -- a small wad of paper -- hit him square in the forehead, bouncing off onto the floor. Naavechi peered over an arm-length tube of bamboo, smile in her obsidian eyes.

“Lung propelled lethal projectiles,” she replied in Nihrani.

Rusty eyed the wad where it rested. “Lethal indeed.” His beak barely moved as he spoke, most of the sounds formed deep in his throat.

Naavechi smiled. “I hit a roadblock in my algebra homework. I was thinking.” She gestured to the bamboo shavings on the floor. Making something simple always helped set her mind straight. A handle of algebra was necessary for working with the Cartography equipment -- it was segments of these formulas that created the lines and frames in the digital coordinate plane -- the media of their maps.

Naavechi stuffed another wad of paper into the impromptu blowgun, a quick huff sending it across the room -- which really wasn’t saying much. Here at Penna and Co., Naavi had her own office, though it was a small, modest affair. The little cube of a room held only four pieces of furniture -- a desk, its chair, a low cot piled with pillows and blankets, and a chest of drawers. When Naavi wasn’t in the field, this is where she lived and slept, between the chocolate-brown walls. Currently, the only light came through the frosted window in the door and from Naavi’s desk -- its whole surface was a holographic screen, interfacing with the various hard drives on which Naavechi stored her maps’ data.

”Nice work,” Rusty said, smiling. ”I found the--”

Rat, Rat, Rat.

Naavechi’s eyes snapped to the door.

“Delivery?” came the hesitant Basic. “For... Naavechi Rijaal?”

”It’s here!”

Naavechi flew to the door, flicking the switch to the overhead light on her way. The sudden brightness startled and flooded her eyes, and she muttered curses as she threw a hand in front of her eyes. A few moments and she’d adjusted again, shaking her head at herself. By the time the door was open, a smile had returned to her face.

“Yes! That is me!” she said in heavily accented Basic. “You are my favorite person today! I’ve been waiting so long for this parcel!”

The delivery boy looked like a human, young. “From Stellar Enter--”

“Yes! That’s it! Where do I sign?”

“Oh, um,” he said, fumbling with the large package in his arms until Naavechi took it from him. “Right here.”

Naavechi somehow maneuvered it into her left arm, logging her PIN in his datapad. “Thank you very much! You know, you need to smile more, or else people will not want to receive mail from you again.” Her accent had a way of making the vowels full and strong, like she treated each one with care, while all her Rs had a bit of a roll to them.

“Ooookay,” he forced a smile. “And My pleasure,” he said roboticly, touching the rim of his hat and disappearing back down the hall. Naavechi hauled the awkward package into the room, setting it excitedly in the center of the floor.

”He wasn’t very nice,” she mused, in Nihrani once more.

All it took was a glance from Rusty to remind her of the package. In a flash, her obsidian knife was in her hand, slicing open the parcel. The light in her eyes seemed to shine on her whole face.

This was it. This was the moment. She glanced at Rusty eagerly, hesitated, and then pushed the packing material aside.

This was posted after the password was changed, so according to the app notes, you'll need to read through them again and insert the new password.

And I shall get to this further when I can, after I brush up on my Nihran.

xD Dengit. You just barely got me on that one. Tricksy you are...

Tricksy like a space slug if you get my drift.

Wow. Kella, I must say that I'm so impressed by this bio. I'm confident that you have no feasible concerns in this bio, and it was incredibly excellent to read. It will be a pleasure if I am able to write along with her in the near future. :3 Good luck, and hope the review goes well!

~ Silas

All right, I'm gonna start on this. Thanks for waiting.
Not sure how far I will get, but I will finish it soon.


Password: first off, if you could just insert the current one into the application instead of having a separate post, that would be awesomes. Just keeps things clean and organized.


And a couple disclaimers before I move on:
1). While I have read through the Nihran app and plan to keep it open in a tab as well as I review, I do know that it will be entirely possible that I could make a gaff regarding the species here and there, and for that, I will apologize in advance. If that happens, you can just ignore those comments.
2). And also while I will probably make a lot of comments, that's all they are, comments. It's just the way I go through and review, pretty systematically. Again, it's just because I like to be organized. Those ones are mostly optional changes; anything I feel that needs a change will be marked at the bottom in my summary review.


Now for the rest...

Name/age/race/height/weight:
-- all good

Birth place:
-- was she born in the city or in a village? Even if there is no specific place name, it's nice to know where on the planet she was born.

Appearance:
-- Random comment: is this race reptilian or mammalian? I'm just curiously wondering here, because I think you mentioned in the species thread that they are like chameleons, and also that, to me, the skin colorations reminds me a bit of Falleens and other similar species. Though, I suppose, being near-human they are likely mammalian, but not necessarily.
This is a silly rant by me you can ignore.
-- The only thing I might add is a bit more detail on her clothing. You say simply, but that could take a score of different meanings, depending on one's definition of simply. Dresses? Comfortable leggings and tunic? Something tribal?

Weapons:
-- These are fine.
-- I'm not requiring this, but just a question: do these have weapon apps? If so, put in a link. If not, no worries.

Personality:
-- Perhaps it's mentioned in the bio, but who is Rusty? Maybe a small descriptor here to mention who he is, briefly.

Occupation/rank:
-- These are fine.


And, I shall get to the rest later.
*flutters away*

Okie doke, I'll address everything you mentioned. And though I understand that things get busy... I would really like to get RPing with Naavi, so, y'know, if you'd approve me soon-ish, that'd be awesome. :3 k. Here we go.

Birth Place -- Since it's in the bio, I didn't want to clutter it with some ambiguous phrase. That, and being a Nomad, she considers herself a child of the whole earth, and doesn't find any identity in any one birthplace, which is the other reason I'd prefer to leave it be. :3

Race -- Nihran are mammalian -- meant for it to be assumed unless stated otherwise. :3 Good question, though.

Clothing -- I didn't want to hem it in too much, and she prefers as much variety in her warddrobe as the next person. As such, I just included the most important details.

No links or pages on the weapons, though that'd be kewl. :3

Rusty: 'tis mentioned in the bio, and he has his own mini NPC bio at the bottom -- didn't want to be redundant, which is why I didn't explain it there. Figured most people looking at the app in the future would already know Rusty's basic relationship from my post, or skim down or whatever. Maybe I just have an unnatural aversion to redunancy. >.>

Ready for the rest when you are. :3

I was gonna keep editing my post, but... I guess I'll just post a new one.


I understand the redundancy aspect, but sometimes clarity can be important. And if someone is just glancing at the character and hasn't time to read through the bio of her or the NPC, sometimes it's nice to add a small detail or two in other areas to avoid any confusion.

Anyway, though, these are just minor and, really, quite optional in regards to the whole application. Like I said, comments on my part.



And onwards...

Before I finish the main app, I'll just glance through the NPC one. (Just an NPC, so I won't really spend a lot of time on it). And again, if I miss something that refers to the species itself, I apologize.


Rusty:
-- I see no problems here. The stats seem a bit high, but I don't really think there's a huge room for him to improve or anything, so... I can live with them.



Back to Naavechi...

Skills:
-- Since this wasn't on the original template for Civilian, there's not much to add here. However, it does seem like quite a long list.
Optional: perhaps whittle it down to her most skilled? Or skills that she has learned, ones not inherent to her culture/species?
I mean, right now there are 10 items there. And since she's only 25, it seems unlikely that she would be highly skilled in all ten. (Plus I don't really see getting into trouble as a 'skill' ).


I'll have to get to the bio, stats and RP sample another time.


Overall so far, nothing really requires changes. Just a detail here and there, optional.

All right, I'm gonna go on to the rest. It might take a few installments, what with my time frame and the length of the bio and etc.
It'll be easier for me to just post here and edit, instead of saving it somewhere else, so I'd appreciate it if you want till I'm completely done before responding. I think of things as I go and sometimes I change my mind/edit things when I read further.



Anyway, on to the bio....
Again, remember that if I make any reference to something from the species itself that I may have forgotten from the species app, I apologize, and you can just forget any of those comments.
And... I will summarize when I'm all done with my overall thoughts and any changes that may be needed.

*Bio:
Part one:
- I see no problems here, except maybe mention of whether she has any siblings/further family.
- And do her parents have 'real' names or just the generic father/mother titles?

Part two:
- I have to say I've gotten a bit confused here with who is who with everyone being called 'mother,' 'father' or 'child'... I'm not sure if you still mean the same three characters or not. I mean, are you saying she has an older brother and an younger silbling? Or her brother has a baby? Like I said, I got a bit confused with the terms.
If so... perhaps it would be nice to mention her older brother in the first part, when she's born, along with her parents, instead of waiting.

Part three:
- How old is her brother - how far apart in age? And her sisters?
Also, why wouldn't she like to take care of her younger siblings?

Part four:
- I know they are nomadic and there is no formal eduction, but is there anything resembling education, I mean, besides her father teaching her a few tidbits here and there? Like, learning basic things?
- So, she has no friends of her own, and just shares her brother's friends? No one to bond with closer to her age?
- Why was the group allowed to roam more freely? Because she turned ten or because of something else?
- The Graarl teaching paragraph at the end seems a bit out of place to me. *shrugs*

Part five:
- This is good but seems a bit generic. What specifically did she learn in those three years? Maybe an example or two?

Part six:
- N/A

Part seven:
- Perhaps this is my poor memory, but I thought in the Nihran app it said that once they reach a certain age a child can no longer go through the trials... but here you make it seem like Naavi can try forever to pass the trials.

Part eight:
- How old is she now?
- Even with a steeper and harder second day, without much food to eat, she still goes 9 miles, only one less than the day before? The second day doesn't really sound all that much harder to me, then.

Part nine:
- N/A

Part ten:
- N/A

Part eleven:
- A curiosity... wouldn't her brother have already taken his trials by now and perhaps moved on? But you say she wants to show him her drawing, meaning he's still living with his parents? Maybe this is just me not understanding/remembering the culture.

Part twelve:
- She uses the bow here, but there's really no mention of it except that brief summary of her as a child learning archery along with other things. Nothing specific relating to it, including her making the bow.

Part thirteen:
- The mentions of her age throughout have kind of stopped... How old was she during her trial, the hunt, and now?
- If the Nihran can't pronounce the Graarl names, why are the two mentioned earlier given names? Maaari and Skeeer seem pretty easy to pronounce. Or is it only certain Graarl names that are hard?
- You keep weaving throughout that her brother is important to her, but never her younger siblings; is this because they are younger and she despised having to take care of them?

Part fourteen:
- N/A

Part fifteen:
- Is it a cultural faux pas not to have settled down by this time, or is it just something her mother wishes?

Part sixteen:
- What purpose do they have for going into the city? Fun? Business?

Part seventeen:
- N/a

Part eighteen:
- I really can't remember much before this in the bio where her 'passion' for exploring was really in there.

Part nineteen:
- N/A

Part twenty:
- A curiosity... how old is Solum? I mean, they are different species, but Naavi is still a beautiful 18 year old, from what has been mentioned before. Was there any physical attraction from Solum or was he merely interested in her possible skills? It just seems like something her family would think of before agreeing to let her go with him.

Part twenty-one:
- Those seven days seemed important, but then you don't mention them here; what does she do, exactly?

Part twenty-two:
- Which devices?

Part twenty-three:
- Where are the headquarters?
- I'd think there would have been a bit more culture shock for her; just because she's a warrior doesn't make the transition any easier, I would think.

Part twenty-four:
- N/A

Part twenty-five:
- N/A

Part twenty-six:
- N/A

Part twenty-seven:
- N/A

Part twenty-eight:
- I know she's learned a lot in the few years after leaving Astrum, and she has Rusty... but wouldn't be just a little scary knowing she would be traveling, basically, on her own (even with hiring people)? I mean, I think I would personally be a little scared myself. The galaxy is a big place.


*Stats:
- A tad high in places for her age but not unreasonable.

*RP sample:
- It's good, but the ending seems abrupt; perhaps add in what the package is and why it's important.




SUMMARY:

All right, overall, this is a pretty good app.
However, reading the bio, I couldn't help but feel it was lacking detail in some areas. I don't really feel like I know Naavi very well. And some events in her life were kind of glossed over with more generic descriptions than anything specific or concrete (I've left comments on these).

It is a fine app and wouldn't stop me from approving it... but before I do so, I'm giving you the chance to expound more if you choose, replace fluff with detail, perhaps explain a couple things a bit more fully.

Prioritized her skill. I wanted to keep them listed, for my own reference, but I split them into general, and advanced. So it's like whittling, except I just organized the shavings, and kept them too. xD


Part one: I really wanted to keep this in Naavechi's eyes, which is why the rest of her family isn't mentioned yet. I kind of tried to bring them in as they were pertinent to the story, instead of over-expositioning, like I usually do. X) Also, her parents have names, but, I mean, I call my dad 'dad', instead of his name, and again, I wanted to keep it in Naavechi's eyes. They're Manana and Patata to her. :3

Part two: Added to clauses to clarify her relatives. :3 And I specifically picked that instance to introduce the rest of her family, to keep the first paragraph more clear... trial and error, right? Feedback noted.



Kind of implied the age difference later, but I made it explicit above, as yeah, that's kind of good to know. xD
And lawl, why does one not like brussel sprouts? ;P People like what they like.

Part four:

More about her general learning. :3

- She bonded with her brother's friends as if she was one of them, but he was her 'in', so to speak. She was mature enough to fit in well among the group, and with such good friends, didn't need to find any her age. It was another way she and her brother were close.

- All the kids were allowed to roam. :3 Not so long ago, that was commonplace, here in the States, even...


Put ^ at the end of the Graarl post.

Part Five: 'twas generic on purpose. :3 listing specifics would have been dry, and they weren't directly important.


It's either pass or die for them, really, and they don't quit trying 'till one happens. However, for someone to survive past 18 without actually succeeding pretty much never happens, which I mentioned, which might have been the confusion.

Part Eight:

Crap, I really thought I'd mentioned her age there. xD
I went ahead and added five miles to her first day's trek, so it contrasted more with the second day.

Part Eleven: The family unit is super important to the Nihran, and Gherre would stay in the same tribe as his family. Actually the rule, there, as opposed tot he exception.

Bow: I wanted her bow and her weapons to be as much a part of her as having blond hair or blue eyes would be. I chose not to specifically pen those, as doing so wouldn't directly add flesh to her or her bio. Wanted to stay concise, so I think Ima stick by that.


- Added some age references.
- Mentioned in the cultural app, the Graarls will have two names -- a Graarl one and a Nihran one (with three vowels to distinguish it as a Graarl name). And then perhaps a Basic one too. :3

Part Fifteen:
Not a faux pas, but just longer than average.

Part Sixteen:
Mostly just whim. For fun, because it was there, and they're teenagers. xD


She was into everything as a kid, and then there was the exploring when her dad taught her tracking, and then the group of friends as they roamed, and yeah. :3

Part Twenty:
Solum is in his late sixties, ish. Old enough to be strictly a paternal figure -- Patata and Gherre made sure of that.

Part Twenty-one:
Summarized in the first paragraph of pt 22. :3


As to the first, I need to leave that ambiguous for now, and as for the second, yup. That's exactly what makes Naavechi, Naavechi. Takin' everything in stride.


Another yup. Scary to everyone but Naavechi. xD Honestly, I think she's a little crazy. No fear, that woman...


I tried something new with this app, and instead of just writing whatever came to my head, and ending up with a 3 mile app, I tried to be very deliberate with the detail I included... So yeah, totally appreciate the feedback. :3 Gonna use it to work towards striking a happy medium.

Well, I only skimmed, but I don't really see any super major concerns; like I said, it was okay as is (could use some detail here and there), but you did clear up the things that were the biggest 'issues.'



I have only one thing, and that's in the part 'The Sugar Coat' -
Day one is 15 miles, 4,000 feet.
Day two is 9 miles, 3,000 feet (up to 7,000).

Now, I'm not super awesome at math, but I do know that 1 mile = 5,280 feet...
And even taking into account that she would have to travel farther to go less (obviously can't go straight up the mountain and would have to zigzag)... I dunno. Do with it what you will.



However, like I said, I like the changes, no huge concerns, so you have received...


Mara's seal of approval.

Go forth and map out planets!