Easier to Run (Rugs)

How long had it been since the rather... abrupt ending of the meeting for the Haruun Kal mission? Three hours? Four? Locke hadn't really kept track. Everything had been going so well at first, too. The assignment came down the tube to them from the Council, and Jazen had requested to give the briefing, when the time came. Locke agreed, and so Jazen gave the briefing, both to Locke and Talau, who would be joining him and Jazen on their assignment. Her presence came as a bit of a surprise; Locke didn't know the complete details of what happened on Talau's last trip to Haruun Kal, but he did remember the after effects of it, back when they'd first met.

But she had knowledge of the plane that he and Jazen lacked--knowledge that could prove invaluable, and so she would be assisting them. However, towards the end of the briefing, when they'd discovered that someone was mucking around in the caves that the Akk dogs called home, she'd very nearly snapped on both Locke and Jazen before storming out of the room. Her eyes had been black.

Locke didn't know what the various color shifts of Talau's eyes meant, but he knew black couldn't be good. The rage pouring off of her presence was a clear enough indicator of that. At first, Locke had wanted to go after her to try to calm her down, but previous experiences with her when she was in a bad mood was enough to dissuade him from it. Or at least to make him decide to give her some time to cool off a bit.

Still, though, even as he went about his business, waiting until he felt the time was right to attempt talking to her, he worried. Something was hurting her; that much, he could tell. What it was, he couldn't say, but he didn't like seeing those he considered friends to be in pain, physical or emotional.

And so it was that he found himself striding, hands resting easily in the pockets of his coat, into the garden that Talau was meditating in. It was an indoor garden, though it sat beneath a glass roof. Outside it was dark, for the most part, and the lights in the fountains and through the various paths throughout the garden added a sort of mystical air to the place. It was beautiful, to say the least.

He found her in the garden's heart, alone and quiet. Locke could feel the Force swirling around her. There was something there that troubled its currents, but again, he could not say what it was. Probably whatever made her so upset earlier.

Locke made sure that his presence was clear and warm as he approached her, trying to convey to her that he was a friend and he only wanted to help her.

"Talau," he said softly, coming to a stop a few feet away from her. "I want to talk to you, if that's alright. About earlier..."

She didn’t know how long she sat there, lost in her own thoughts and the stimuli of the area around her…the sound of the water, the smell of the plants, the feel of the force from the various insects and plants that surrounded her, the feel of the various jedi within the temple. It wasn’t so much meditation, as it was simply her being, sitting pensively and trying to sort out her emotions and thoughts so they could be dealt with. Shoal had always told her that this new code was wrong, that there was emotion, yet there must also be peace...and to achieve that peace one had to understand, accept, and deal with their emotions. With thought and emotion so closely intertwined at the moment, it was taking her quite a long time to sort through it all.

Unfortunately, these thoughts always revolved around two things: 1) the akk dogs (specifically the one that had saved her life), and 2) her recent anger and the visions she’d had warning her of the dangers of it. It wasn’t this specific anger she had to be wary of, but every form of anger. While she was skilled enough, and intelligent enough, to know that visions weren’t the be-all end-all of the future, she couldn’t help but take them seriously. Was she treading a slippery slope and not even realizing it? Were her visions truly inevitable, or could she avoid the danger by simply living her life to the best of her ability? If she found her friend dead by unnatural causes, then found the source of those causes…would she break? Further more, why was she so irrevocably attached to this akk dog? Had she accidentally bonded with him, or was it more than that?

All of these questions and more troubled the young knight as she sat silently in the heart of the garden, the troubled emotions and thoughts seeping slightly into the force around her, distorting it into tremulous waves and ripples, so unlike the calm and soothing ebb and flow of it that typically swirled about her. This was how Locke would find her, when he came. She felt his concern first, as he drifted slowly closer to her through the temple halls. While she wasn’t as released and stretched out in her senses as true meditation would have allowed, through the milling presences of the jedi, she could single out the ones she knew fairly easily unless they were shielding themselves. Most did not while they were here; they were home and relatively safe so there was no need to guard anything but their minds. Locke was one of those that she was finding more and more easy to pick out amongst the crowds, and his concern (directed at her) only made him that much simpler to hone in on.

Upon entering the gardens, she felt his concern dim…not gone, per se, but hidden…masked by the warmth and comfort he worked to radiate to keep her at ease. A ghost of a smile hovered around the corners of her mouth for a moment as she focused more intently on the ‘thread’ of force that connected the two of them in her mind’s eye. An echo of acknowledgement would vibrate along it moments before he spoke. At the sound of her name, grey eyes, flecked with slivers light orange, would open to look up at him. Silently she would nod once then pat the grass beside her as she shifted to a more comfortable sitting position, stretching her tired legs out and crossing them as she leaned back against the edge of the fountain.

”I'm…sorry about that, Locke. I shouldn’t have gotten so worked up over it…” A light sigh escaped her as she gazed up at the leaves above them and the stars past that. It was true, to her at least. She shouldn’t have gotten so worked up over the fact that something…someone…might be the cause of the deaths of the Akk dogs. Certainly she was deeply concerned over the fact that several villages had been attacked by some mysterious force as well, but it was the akk dogs that struck her hardest. Shaking her head, she pulled her knees up and rested her arms atop them, gazing blankly into the greenery across the path that wound its way past them.

Locke's shoulders dropped a little bit when Tal looked up at him. It wasn't a thing done in grief or hopelessness, but rather a releasing of tension--tension he'd not even realized had been building up until it left him. The muscles in his shoulders and the area of his upper back in between had been tight, as if waiting for some explosive confrontation. But he knew that wouldn't happen. Not here, and not with Tal, even after her outburst a few hours earlier.

The tinge of acknowledgment she sent to him through the Force was echoed with one of his own and he moved to sit over near her when she motioned for it. He could still sense something was bothering her, even know, but he couldn't tell what it was. And right now, it wasn't his place to push or probe about it.

Some of his breath left him in a sigh as he pulled his hands from his pockets and sat down next to her. He leaned back against the fountain, with one leg laying out straight before him and the other one bent at the knee. The forearm of one arm rested easily on his knee, while his other hand sat in his lap.

'Don't worry about it,' he wanted to say, but what good would that do, beyond being a superficial gesture? Obviously they were both worried about it to some degree or another, else they probably wouldn't be there in the garden.

So what could he say, then? Something was bothering her--something about the Akk on Haruun Kal. But what? Locke tapped a finger against the side of his knee as his mind turned. When they'd first meet, Talau had just returned from Haruun Kal. The details of that fateful trip weren't known to him, but he knew that it hadn't been pleasant for her. In fact, she'd been in a rather sour mood, and he had been on the receiving end of her--at the time--short temper.

Perhaps whatever it was that made her so angry this go 'round was related. How, he couldn't say, but she'd been fine up until the discovery that someone had been going after the Akk dogs, of all things. Maybe there was a connection there.

"Look, it's... it's fine," he said after a moment of thought. He looked over to her then, his grey eyes filled with concern for her. "It happens to all of us at some time or another, right? We're human, right? Or in your case, Rilan, I suppose."

A light laugh rang out from his throat then as he turned his head, looking at the scene around them. "But I just wanted you to know that, whatever it is that's hurting you, I'm here for you. Jazen's here for you." He looked to her again, and this time there was almost a sort of twinkle to his eyes to go with the smile he gave her. "After all, we're in this together, right? I can't say I know what the burden you're bearing is--or that it's any of my business for that matter, but if you'll let me--I'll bear it with you to lighten the load."

Grey and orange tinted eyes watched as his posture relaxed followed by the counter wash of acknowledgement from him. As he sat beside her, she offered a weak smile conscious of the uneasy and uncertain air that settled around and between them. For a moment she thought about offering an explanation…it would likely be easiest to do so but, well, it was still an uncomfortable part of her recent past. Talau just wasn’t sure if she wanted to relive it yet, and so the silence lingered.

Locke was the one to break it at last, waving off her apology as grey eyes met grey. He was right, that it happened to everyone at some point or another but…he just didn’t understand that things like that happening to her was not a good sign. She almost told him so when he laughed and continued on, offering his support and the support of Jazen. Offering to help carry her burdens as best he could. She was more than a little touched at the sentiment but there was little he could do. Sighing, she looked back at him once more and put a hand lightly on his shoulder.

”Thank you, Locke. I…appreciate your offer but my life is rather…complicated. I mean aside from the normal complications that come with being a jedi these days.”

A moment she hesitated, watching the ‘thread’ in the space between them dim and lighten, stretch and coil, as if wavering on the edge of either thickening or straining itself. Without thinking she reached up and lightly brushed the backs of her fingers along it, feeling slight the ripple the motion caused and almost hoping it would give her the answers she was looking for. It didn’t, but she found herself speaking again before she thought about what she was saying.

”I'm worried…frightened even, for the akk dogs…and for myself. An akk dog is the reason I'm still alive after crashing on Haruun Kal. He found me, protected me…helped carry me and feed me and shelter me. He was the only way I was able to get back to one of the uplander cities and get off the planet and back here. If anything happened to him because of all of this…we didn’t mean to form a bond…neither of us…but it happened and now just thinking that he might be hurt or dead because of…whatever, whoever, is out there.”

Sighing, she shook her head slowly blinking back some of the tears that threatened. She didn’t offer the information about why she was afraid for herself, however. If he wanted that he would have to ask. Instead she ran a hand along her face and took a steadying breath.

”When I saw that clip…the shadow there in their caves…I was furious. I…wanted to make them pay, whoever it is that’s doing this…and I…I can’t afford to feel that way.”

Locke nodded silently as Talau began to speak, telling him of how her life had grown more complicated as of late--more complicated than the life of a Jedi normally was, which was saying quite a bit. Would that life could be simple, he thought to himself. Things might be a bit better for all of us, then. But there wasn't much to be done about; nothing could be done about it but to shoulder the load as best they could and keep pressing forward. In the end, they'd only be stronger because of it.

She continued to talk, telling Locke of her concern and fear for the Akk dogs. And for herself. While, yes Locke was worried about the Akks, the worry that she mentioned for herself stuck out much more clearly in his mind. He listened, though, giving her the respectful ear that she deserved as she told him about her time on Haruun Kal and the bond that she formed with one of the Akk dogs there.

He nodded slowly after a moment of thought when she finished telling him about her concerns. "I see," he said quietly. Then he looked up at her, wishing he could offer more than words to help her. Perhaps he could on Haruun Kal, but right now, all he could do was talk to her. Then again, perhaps a talk was all she needed for the time being.

"I think I understand that on some level," he went on, running a hand through his hair. "Bonds in the Force strong things, powerful things, and they make us closer than we might normally have been. Beyond that, that Akk was your friend, right?" He smiled at her, but even then, there was a touch of sorrow and worry to his features. "I can definitely understand how you feel in that regard."

Locke sighed and stretched his legs out, leaning against the fountain in a more comfortable position. "When Jazen and I went on the mission to Umgul and got captured, I was forced to watch him be tortured, when there was nothing I could do about it. Didn't help that I was so completely unprepared for how much it would hurt to see him put through so many horrible things..." Locke shook his head slowly. "I didn't know what to do. I froze up, almost. And in that I failed him. If I hadn't, I might have been able to stop what came of it. In the end though, when I got free, when I confronted that Dark Jedi, I was furious."

He looked up at her and laughed softly, thinking about the way he'd acted in retrospect. "I think I might have done some really bad things if we hadn't needed to get Jazen some medical attention as soon as we could. And the worst part of it all was that I kind of liked it. I wanted him to try something so I could hurt him, pay him back for the things he'd done to my student. To my friend." A heavy sigh broke his lips as he his head back against the lip of the fountain, feeling the occasional drop from the gently splashing water land in his hair. "So I think understand how it was that you felt back there. Force only knows I'd try to do some awful things to anyone that hurt Jazen. And if someone ever killed him?" He looked to Talau out of the corner of an eye and shook his head, leaving the answer unspoken.

"But, it's something we have to fight to control, not only for our own good, but for the good of others. You already know that, though." He let a few moments pass in silence, wondering what else to say, before that thing that caught his attention earlier returned to mind.

"If you don't mind me asking, Talau, what makes you afraid for yourself? I can understand why you're worried about the Akks, but why yourself?" His head shifted on the fountain's edge, so that he was looking at her. "Is something wrong?"

Listening quietly as Locke asked after the fact that the Akk dog was her friend. Grey and orange hued eyes closed as she nodded slightly and leaned back further, resting her head against the tree she’d settled herself back against originally to be able to watch the little creek that flowed past them. Now she allowed her eyes to rest, not letting them distract her from listening to what he had to say. As he spoke about Umgul and the torment the two had been put through, she sighed softly. So that was the source of the break in the young man, the crack in his presence that had allowed that darkness to seep through in their training only a couple weeks back.

“In the end though, when I got free, when I confronted that dark jedi, I was furious.”

Opening her eyes to look back at him she nodded once more, not quite sure why he might be laughing about such a thing. Then again, it wasn’t as if she didn’t do some strange things herself…then look back at the time and laugh when others might not have found it so funny. Allowing him to continue uninterrupted, she watched the thread between them thicken and strengthen as greens and golden ‘fibers’ from his end slowly coiled and wove about the peacock colored thread. She could feel him glance over at her, even if she didn’t return the gesture this time around. Distant eyes wandered over the gardens in front of them, seeing but unseeing as he ended with that final statement.

For a few long moments both were silent, each thinking of what should or shouldn’t be said. To be honest, Talau found herself mildly comforted by his presence, some of the previous stress that had been affecting her draining away further the longer he was around, whether they were talking or not. When he asked that question and looked over at her, she sighed heavily and pulled her legs up, resting her arms on her knees and looking up through the glass at the stars. She was silent a long while after that, her mind replaying bits and pieces of the vision she’d had a year or two ago. The face of the twisted old woman, the caves, the darkness and hatred that had practically taken over her mind...it was a shame she couldn’t tell who the others had been that had appeared there. The feelings she harbored for one of them, however, led her to believe it had been Ryn…it was just, too difficult to tell though, with the swirling fog of the future blanketing their figures.

Finally, after those moments had dragged out almost to the point of being uncomfortable, she spoke. ”It’s…a long story, but to help explain I’ll tell you this: I'm prone to visions, many of them, and not just of the past. If I'm not careful, Locke, I'm going to fall. The anger I feel now, or in the near future, could open the gateway to making a mistake that will lead me down a path I don’t wish to follow.” Looking away from the stars, a small, regretful, smile formed on her face as she avoided looking at him. ”You understand what I mean…?” Shaking her head slowly, she almost immediately kicked herself mentally for telling him anything about her vision. There was a reason she didn’t tell others about many of the visions she had that had to do with her life, or their lives. People often met their fate on the road they took to avoid it, so while she didn’t overtly attempt to avoid this particularly unpleasant possibility, she was wary of it, conscious of it, and was careful to keep herself from situations where she felt she might not be able to control her emotions, if at all possible. In this way she continued to live her life to the best of her ability without attempting to overly control her future and become so obsessed that she became the very thing she wished to avoid becoming. When others got involved, however, things changed…became more complicated…and with people in her vision that she couldn’t clearly recognize she ran the risk of informing one of the people involved and making things worse.

She had just broken one of her cardinal rules and now…now things may have gotten worse.

Sighing, she attempted to let it go before finally looking over at the man beside her and smiling slightly. ”I'm sorry…I…really shouldn’t have told you even that much. Heh…you would think I would know better by now…besides it isn’t something you need to worry about.”

Locke nodded slowly as Talau spoke, relaying her fears and worries to him. "I understand..." he said with a sad, reserved sigh when she asked. But understanding did not mean he liked it. No, to see another member of the Order fearful of an impending fall, to see that in someone he might yet grow to call a friend... It was troubling, to say the least.

Locke was many things that many people a Jedi should not be. He was rough around the edges, vulgar, sometimes crude, and had a way of speaking his mind when he felt like it, even if that led to insulting someone. But, above it all, he was devoted. He was devoted to the Jedi, and he was devoted to his comrades.

But what can I do? The Knight sighed and leaned his head back against the lip of the fountain, staring up at the starry skies through the glass roof over the garden. I don't even know how to deal with Jazen's troubles... how can I help her with her own?

It was that little seed of doubt that'd taken hold on Umgul. Jazen wasn't the only one that had lasting damage inflicted in that dank, dark room deep within the mountain. As Locke hung there, suspended in his holding cell, unable to do anything but watch as his student was tortured, he'd found himself facing the result of his own failures, his own ineptitude.

Furthermore, it had been Gabriel that pushed Jazen to free himself, not Locke, and in doing so, the boy embraced the hatred that was boiling within him. Locke had spent many restless nights after that if things might have turned out differently if he hadn't been so lost as to what to do. And those thoughts led to other, more troubling questions? What would he do if Jazen actually fell? Even more, did he even deserve to by the boy's teacher? Perhaps taking him on had been a mistake--maybe he wasn't ready for such an important duty yet.

Of course, in the end he pushed through all of those, knowing that he would deal with whatever life threw at him, but it didn't mean that little voice of doubt ever went completely silent. Now it resurfaced. He wanted to help Tal. Someone had to, if she truly did end up falling, but... Can I do it?

He shook his head, forcing such thoughts away and sighed again. "Tal, I..." he waved his hand in front of him, as if waving something off and sighed again. "Don't worry about it. But I want you to know that I'll help you however I can if you really do end up going down that path." Locke's head turned then, to look at her. "After all, you're one of us--A Jedi. We have to look out for each other, right? And besides," now he let a small smile tease the edge of his lips, "despite our... rough start, I hope to call you a friend one day. And I'll do everything in my power to help a friend in need."

“I understand…”

’No, Locke, you don’t…not really…’

The calm and quiet stillness of the gardens were a stark contrast to the things she felt, and the emotions she felt from Locke as well.

’Doubt…now there’s something we have in common in this arena.’

The young telepath may not have been listening in on his internal monologue, but she didn’t need to. She could feel the doubt swirling about him almost as thickly as it did within her…the only difference was, she was hiding it, shielding it from the galaxy at large. No one needed to know her emotions but her, and while Locke was good at keeping the majority of that doubt shielded from those with lesser abilities in sense, she had little trouble feeling it, seeing it swirling about in his very aura. It made that lush green and gold light become distorted and fuzzy, mixing and swirling in odd and unnatural fashions.

’Maybe I should tell him…’

But where would she start? Why would he care? Would it even be wise to tell him about what she believed she had to do…the thing that caused her so much extra stress? Did her potential fall even have anything to do with that? Was it something she should seek to prevent, or was it something that needed to happen so that other, more important, events could unfold the way they should?

“Tal, I…”

Her attention turned back to him as he spoke, grey eyes tinted with that light orange as well as adding a hint of gold. Watching him wave his hand slightly, she raised an eyebrow.

“Don’t worry about it. But I want you to know that I’ll help you however I can if you really do end up going down that path.”

Nodding, her eyes turned away from him, taking in the play of light and shade the lights accenting the different plants in the garden created. The soft sound of water trickling through the stream near by and from the fountain behind Locke adding an almost whimsical atmosphere; as if, at any moment, fairies might suddenly start appearing to dance among the folded flowers and darkened leaves with glow bugs for pets and lanterns made of hollowed out nuts and seeds.

“After all, you’re one of us -- A Jedi.”

’Am I, though? I'm not sure any more…’

A cleansing breath was taken, easing the cool air into her lungs with the very scent of life in it before allowing it to escape softly once more. Looking over at him, she nodded a little to his question. Yes…they needed to look out for each other…yes, she was still a jedi, if only just barely. More and more she was beginning to feel that the life of the Feanturi was correct for her, but she still had duties here, with the Order. It wasn’t time to leave yet, but she couldn’t honestly say that she still believed herself to be completely jedi. A small smile was given to his final words and she rested a hand on his shoulder lightly.

”Thank you, Locke.”

For a long moment after that she was quiet, removing her hand and gazing at the two of them as if studying them. In actuality she was attempting to decide just what else to tell him, if anything. Looking back on the events of the day she wondered which she was more worried about…the akk, or herself. Perhaps that sounds selfish, but it was the truth. Of course she was furious that someone would attack the akks, and worse, that her friend may have suffered, be suffering, or…worst of all…died, but did her fear of those things top the fear she had about becoming something she sought to fight against at every turn? That made her wonder…why she had told Locke anything about her vision? She never told anyone about her visions unless it could prevent disaster within a close time frame…like with the sith hounds on Subterrel. It was troubling to her that she would reveal something like this.

”You know, Locke, I…” she paused a moment, uncertain as to how to continue, or even what she had meant to say in the first place. There was something that needed to be said, she could feel it, but she hadn’t the slightest clue as to what it might be. ”Heh…I'm not even sure I know what I meant to say just then.” Chuckling a little she shook her head and shrugged. ”I have so much I want to say, to tell someone…anyone…but…I never believe I should, like I have to carry all of this weight on my shoulders alone and if I tell anyone, things will go wrong. Like telling you about that vision. I feel I shouldn’t have told you because now I'm afraid that something may happen…that you may try to prevent it and accidentally end up triggering it.”

She almost immediately cringed at that. ”Wow…that…sounded better in my mind. I just mean that…anyone that I tell anything, it makes me worry that they might end up attempting to do something to change or prevent the vision, and end up causing it instead. Even I have to be very careful not to attempt to change or prevent visions…”

For a moment her eyes held a far away look as she recalled her most current vision. Death…it wasn’t something she looked forward to, at least not any time soon, but she had seen it come for her on Rilia in a manner so similar to the one the Contess had faced that it was…disconcerting. Blinking once, then twice, she shrugged and came back to the present. ”I have a long road a head of me and it’s difficult to face when everyone you knew and grew up with has vanished…even Ryn…again. I could at least share some of the lesser troubles with him and my brother but now…”

With a shake of her head and an outlet of breath, she smiled half heartedly and looked over at Locke apologetically. ”I'm sorry…again I'm…I don’t know.”

Locke nodded occasionally as he listened to Talau speak. He understood her words, her intentions. They only made sense. There were countless tales and fables that warned against trying to fight one's fate. In those stories, it was, often times the very actions that the people took to try to escape their fate that lead to it. No, Locke understood as well as anyone the dangers of trying to fight one's fate, to escape one's destiny. And if he tried to prevent Talau's fall, tried to stop it from happening and in the process, was the force that ultimately led to it, he'd never forgive himself.

"I can see where you're coming from with that," he said, shifting to bring one of his legs under him, keeping the other one bent up so an arm could rest on it. "Better than what you mentioned earlier, anyway." Locke sighed and looked up, remembering a story Tiino, his former master had told him once. It was about a man who heard from a soothsayer that his wife would die within the year. The man asked and begged and pleaded for some knowledge on how to stop the death, but there was nothing to be done about it. Still, in his desperation, the husband tried everything he could to keep his wife from dying, but in the end, he was the one that caused her death. It was an accident--a tragic thing, and in seeing what he'd done, the man had been so grieved that he killed himself. That story had a powerful point to it, and it'd left an impact on Locke.

"We've all heard the stories of those that try to fight their fate, or push against destiny. Destiny always wins out in the end, sometimes unfortunately so." He closed his eyes for a moment of thought and then turned to look at her. "I cannot say that I like the thought of leaving you to this fate, whatever you think it may be, but, if there is truly nothing to be done about it, and something that the Force has shown you..." He shrugged. "Then it will happen, regardless of what we do. Still, if that day comes and it happens, I'll do whatever I can to help you through it. That much, I promise you."

Locke fell quiet again. It was strange, the way he'd suddenly found himself knowing so many Jedi that seemed to be struggling with, or running the threat of struggling with the Dark Side. Jazen, Gabriel... now Talau. All of them were friends, in different fashions, though admittedly, he knew Talau the least. Still, it felt odd to him that for all of them, he acted, or would act as some sort of anchor point; perhaps he might not pull them all back to the Light, or even keep them from falling, but he was there, supporting them as best he could, and he would do that for as long as he was able. And here I thought I would be the one that needed that sort of help, he thought with a wry grin and a soft laugh.

Though, Talau was, seemingly having her own issues with similar problems. Ryn was a name he recognized, and though he didn't know the man personally, he'd heard of him. Her brother was someone he wasn't really familiar with at all. He sighed and looked up at the stars through the roof of the garden. The road Jedi walked was often hard. Walking it alone without anyone to help bear the burden only made it harder.

"That's... unfortunate, to say the least, though I'd not heard of Ryn vanishing again. Wasn't he recently brought back to the Order? And there's no need to apologize." He smiled a bit at her. "I'm here to be someone to listen. Sometimes that's all we need, right?"

Sighing, she listened to what he had to say. Honestly, she was more than a little thankful for Locke coming to talk to her. It just...helped. A lot. Gazing up at the stars with him, she smiled a bit, the first one in the past two days…since she’d learned of Ryn’s unexpected disappearance once more when the official he was supposed to have been meeting contacted the temple asking about him. ”He was…I was the one who brought him back. I had thought…he had said that he wasn’t going to leave again, that he was going to stay here this time, that he understood that w…there was a duty to the Republic that he had to fulfill…” We…she had almost said ‘we’…the one word that could have given away everything, could have caused so much trouble, could have her out of the Order long before she was ready. But then again…it wasn’t a matter of when she thought she was ready or not, she reminded herself, it was a matter of when the force saw her as ready.

”To be honest…he promised me that he would stay with the Order until I felt it was time to leave. That he understood that what I said about us both having a duty to the Order to uphold, especially with the wars now, and that we couldn’t simply leave it because of our…feelings…for one another. That he understood the only time I would leave was either the wars would end, or I was prepared to…to go to Rilia.” She sighed quietly and shook her head, looking down at her hands again, picking up a fallen leaf and twirling it in her fingers. She’d been counting on him…him, and Latus, and Remiel…all three of them to come with her to Rilia and all three were gone. Missing. Vanished. It was a frightening trend that only seemed to have two connections:

1) all three were jedi.

2) and all three were her closest friends and relations. (though it didn't help that two of the three were also Rilan)

It frightened her, considering everything that had happened to her family in the past, right up to her parents…had they gone missing because of her? Were the Morequai out there now, attempting to get at her by attacking those closest to her? Were they compiling information on her? Her habits, her appearance, her abilities? Was she reading too much into it? She didn’t know…she didn’t know and it terrified her. Some of that deep fear leaked out through the cracks in her mental armor as her eyes shaded a bright and fearful yellow, tinged with distressed grey. She’d sit there only a moment longer before crushing the leaf in her hand and standing, offering Locke a mild and rehersed smile. ”Thank you, Locke, for talking to me…but I should get some sleep. I'm thinking too hard again, but sleep might be the cure.” She doubted it…highly.