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A®heim
One does not just make a dreadnought.
3,801 posts
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last online Sept 16, 2018 19:37:00 GMT -5
Master
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Dec 6, 2009 14:07:14 GMT -5
Post by A®heim on Dec 6, 2009 14:07:14 GMT -5
 The Sith army has constructed a massive mobile droid foundry in an effort to bolster their forces on newly conquered planets. Within this walking factory is a control bridge, command center, several foundry floors, a deployment station, and an open-aired topside deck.  All floors of this station are moderately guarded and many of the workers may also carry light weaponry. Also be on the lookout for the aerial battledroids this factory is constantly producing. Kaiven vs. Creemor-Lek Rounds: 6 Good luck gentlemen. |
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Bones
The Wizard of AUS
409 posts
13 likes
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last online Apr 1, 2019 3:42:35 GMT -5
Knight
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Dec 6, 2009 19:25:38 GMT -5
Post by Bones on Dec 6, 2009 19:25:38 GMT -5
He landed lightly from his force-powered jump on the upper foundry floor. There was a twirl of brown fabric and a sudden flash of violet light as he brought his lightsabre up infront of him. He slashed twice, each time hitting his mark and bringing down the guards who came to investigate this strange new entity. He stood for a moment, watching as the flames from the furnaces raced upwards suddenly. He smirked, walking forwards, his goal of the command centre clearly in view.
He was aware of the heat and movements around him, occasionally slipping into cover as the flying battle droids flew past, their arsenals glistening in the light of the furnaces. They seemed almost eager, hoping that they would have a foe to use their deadly weapons on. Kaiven sighed before thinking to himself, But not today, my friends, today the only victories shall be at my hands. He smiled behind the mask, before stepping out into the open of the mechanical jungle that was now surrounding him.
It was almost a delight as he reached the command centre, climbing the durasteel stair to that one single door. It seemed all too easy to reach his goal. All too easy to kill those that would kill others with their actions. He reached out with the force, activating the door controls as he stood in the doorway. As the door slid open, revealing him to the Sith officers, the foundry flames once again shot up behind him. He stepped in, once again flashing the Violet sabre. He moved gracefully, his blade twirling into the way of the blaster bolts coming towards him, redirecting them at the guards. He had no care for them, only the three officers before him. He waved his arm suddenly, knocking the three officers down before he jumped, aiding his trajectory with the force towards them. He landed in the centre, his lightsabre ramming down through the man's throat. He allowed the other two to run, escaping from the facility.
Even if the Jedi Council had not given this task to him, he saw it as his mission, and something to protect others was always worth it, no matter what the cost was. He turned, walking through the deck back towards the door. He stopped for a moment, looking at the computer screen with commands. He smirked, changing the commands of the droids to attack anything that moved within the foundry floors. He then turned, opening the door and standing alone in the doorway, looking out towards the flames shooting upwards.
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Casual
Keepin' It Casual
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Guardian
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Dec 6, 2009 21:14:59 GMT -5
Post by Casual on Dec 6, 2009 21:14:59 GMT -5
Sith thought Creemor-Lek, disgusted, with their tools of war and destruction. This behehmoth of a machine that Cree had decided to investigate was an absolute being of evil intent. The command center would be his best bet, there was no doubt in his hunt for information. The whir of machines drowned out the patter of his footsteps as he moved quickly and swiftly to his objective. He would not risk the deaths of those around him, choosing to use the Force to mold their minds to make them believe he was supposed to be there. His appearance made such a feat simple. He had decided that it would be best to wear clothing similar to that of those stationed on the iron beast he now rode. He had made it to the door adjacent to the command center, not the main entryway crowded with those who were armed and the furnaces at their sides. That was until he sensed a rather active life on the other side of the door.
It was also in that moment that he felt another life snuffed out within the command center. All that seperated him from this lost life was a thick metal door. He looked deep within himself and extended his presence deep into the room. What he found was a Jedi, and not just any Jedi, a farmiliar one, one of the High Council. Cree found this very disturbing indeed. Had Master Te'baas gone renegade? What was he doing taking lives on this ship? The Council may have sent him here, but why did he act the way he did? Cree had come to disable this brobdingnag bulk and inspect the droids on board, outside the instruction of the rest of the Council, but it was of no large matter that he hadn't first sought permission. Master Te'baas had been sent to sabotage the droids that this mobile foundry had been sending. Cree had thought that neither would intersect, but now he had found otherwise, and it was a bit unsettling.
He decided that he would enter the room and confront Master Te'baas. With a thrust of Telekinetic will, Cree opened the door quickly and addressed Kaiven.
Master Te'baas, I request that you explain to me what you are doing.
He saw as soon as he entered, he discovered that Kaiven had reprogrammed the droids. He could feel death and pain all around him of those on the ship. The droids were killing them, of this Cree had no doubt. Such was the path of the dark side. Creemor ignited his lightsaber and a rush of sky blue energy emerged, ready to liberate this room of the evil intents that plagued it. He had had his trust misplaced in the past before, but not again, not by one so close to the heart of the Jedi. Against the rational judgement that normally accompained every dilemma Creemor-Lek had ever faced, he lunged at Master Te'baas, ready to perform whatever it took to prevent further damage.
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A®heim
One does not just make a dreadnought.
3,801 posts
6 likes
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last online Sept 16, 2018 19:37:00 GMT -5
Master
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Dec 6, 2009 21:43:33 GMT -5
Post by A®heim on Dec 6, 2009 21:43:33 GMT -5
Just to warn you, I don't give out 5's for anything but perfection. This is going to seem brutal, but at least you know I'm being honest. ^ v ^
Round 1
Kaiven
Effort: 3/5 You got in a little too easily. More detail could have been given.
Fairness: 4/5 this is only not a 5 because of the above reason.
Detail:4/5 pretty good here, I like how you described the droids.
Coolness: 5/5 Gotta give this one to you. The repetition of the flame jets worked to create an ominous air.
Bonus: 1/2 I like how you let some of the officers escape, though don't expect them not to try to fetch help.
Total: 17
Cree
Effort: 4/5 Meh.
Fairness: 5/5 You also found very little resistance breaking into a giant walking military factory, but at least you explained why.
Detail: 3/5 Bit more next time, Kaiven did a better job at setting the mood and...uh...setting.
Coolness: 4/5 I like the inner dilemma he's facing. You can tell he cares about these people not because of what they do but because they are living, breathing, life.
Bonus: 1/2 I hadn't really realized what Kraiven was doing til you posted. I had forgotten that he was being a little bit killy than the Jedi would like. I just thought a droid was going to attack Cree and that's how it would start. The surprises never end!
Total: 17.....huh....and here I am saying "I will not be like the other mods and make it a pity score where it's always tied!" poor sad me. IT WAS AN ACCIDENT I TELL YOU!
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Bones
The Wizard of AUS
409 posts
13 likes
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last online Apr 1, 2019 3:42:35 GMT -5
Knight
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Dec 7, 2009 23:57:57 GMT -5
Post by Bones on Dec 7, 2009 23:57:57 GMT -5
He allowed himself to reach out with the force after completing his task. The death and destruction that was his intent swept through the foundry like a wave. He knew that he had succeeded in effectively destroying this walking atroscity. He sighed, sliding his hilt back onto the hook on his belt. It was then, however, that he felt the familiar presence on the opposite side of the door. He turned, facing the wave of heat that was allowed into the room by the opening door. He could see Master Creemor-Lek, silhouted darkly against the flaming furnaces and the heat-distorted images behind him.
"Ah, Creemor-Lek. Your presence is a surprise. I can't exactly say that it is welcome, as of yet."
He watched as the blade of the lightsabre extended, adding the tiniest bit of warmth to the air in the room. In that moment, he felt the adrenaline begin pulsing through his veins. He felt stronger, faster, unbeatable. He moved his right foot backwards, anticipating the coming attack. Everything seemed to slow as Creemor lunged forwards. He stepped quickly, moving to Creemor's right, hitting his arm to knock the sabre away from him.
"That really isn't the Jedi way, now, is it Master Creemor?"
As he spoke, he reached into his robes, pulling out the glistening silver and black hilt. He allowed the violet light to slide out, before reaching up, taking a high guard for Djem-So. He smiled, before stepping in for the attack. He rained down around six powerful attacks, not once stopping to see if they connected. He stepped away, prowling like a large predatious creature. He paused, slashing at a power cable blocking his path. The flights began flickering, meaning that for periods of time, the only sources of light were the violet and sky-blue beams of energy radiating from the hilts.
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Casual
Keepin' It Casual
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Guardian
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Dec 8, 2009 2:46:11 GMT -5
Post by Casual on Dec 8, 2009 2:46:11 GMT -5
The world around him was cut off as Cree moved to apprehend the traitor that stood before him, his mind now wrapped up in the traitorious thoughts that he projected on Kaiven. The death he felt in the Force served only to compound these raging emotions of distrust. That mask too, they all knew the rumors but could they be believed? What he now saw in front of him was a killer and as such did not belong among the Council, he would have to be removed, he was too dangerous.
His original attack was deflected with a hand, but he wasn't too sure of his attack anyway, he hadn't put much effort behind it. It was when Kaiven withdrew the raging violet blade that had not long ago vanquished lives, one such body that still lay mere feet behind him. The contrast met with the dark mask he now wore, as well as the orange glow from the door, to create a man wrapped in dark and dangerous colors, a man who himself was more dangerous than this entire mobile facility.
That really isn't the Jedi way, now, is it Master Creemor?
Ah, so the man had jokes? His sarcastic and callous attitude leant Cree even further to his final judgment. It was an uncalled for response.
Master Te'baas, you fail to understand even the basest of the Jedi way. Your actions against the lives of these here is evidence enough of that. I have no option but to take your life.
Before Cree could retalliate, Kaiven attacked, striking this way and that, Creemor took to a defensive Soresu stance, blocking each move Kaiven made in turn. After about six strikes, Kaiven stepped back, and struck out at the power cable that hung in front of him. With that the lights went out, leaving but two glowing rods, a sky blue blade like the calm of oceans and a violent violet, humming with malicious intent. Creemor waited a moment for his eyes to adjust, just as Kaiven must have. After a breif pause, he drew energy into his hand, quickly and steadily, and with a single fluid motion, closed his eyes and unleashed a heavy Force Blinding. The room seemed to explode with light from the outside, as if a supernova had gone off within its confines, as soon as he had appeared, it was gone, brighter and more sudden than the burning of magnesium. It was in that same movement that Cree leapt into action, with a Force-enhanced leap, he charged at Kaiven, blade falling from his left shoulder and towards the man he had once trusted.
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A®heim
One does not just make a dreadnought.
3,801 posts
6 likes
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last online Sept 16, 2018 19:37:00 GMT -5
Master
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Dec 8, 2009 16:41:00 GMT -5
Post by A®heim on Dec 8, 2009 16:41:00 GMT -5
Round 2
Let the evil judge from Gemünden raise the crappy rating panels!
Kaiven
Effort: 4/5 It wasn't bad, it definitely continues to set the tone you were workin' with earlier.
Fairness: 2/5 Minor bit of Godmodding. Nothing major, and casual took it well. Just be a bit more careful
Detail:3/5 Meh. Lots of repetitive adjectives.
Coolness: 4/5 With the changes in heat and sarcastic tone towards Cree, this woulda been a 5. Unfortunately, the cable cut was just too cliche (watch duel between Anakin and Dooku in Ep II)
Bonus: 1/2 For the heat thing. I liked that.
Total: 31
Cree
Effort: 2/5 You based a lot of this on what Kaiven did and developed the duel very little until the end.
Fairness: 5/5 Possibly for the above reason, your post remains perfectly fair.
Detail: 2/5 Basically you summarized Kaiven's post. In essense you had NEGATIVE detail. Still, you described the Force Blind well, so you get a few points for that.
Coolness: 3/5 This post in generally hurt your ratings quite a bit. Better luck next time.
Bonus: 0/2
Total: 29
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Bones
The Wizard of AUS
409 posts
13 likes
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last online Apr 1, 2019 3:42:35 GMT -5
Knight
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Dec 14, 2009 6:56:05 GMT -5
Post by Bones on Dec 14, 2009 6:56:05 GMT -5
His glaring eyes were completely unprepared for the amazing brightness that the force unleashed. It left him dazed momentarily, he reached up to rub his eyes, just as a figure became faintly visible coming flying towards him. He could almost taste the force like a reptile tastes the air. He knew the intent of the movement. He allowed himself to roll backwards, feeling the heat of the shimmering blade pass near the left side of his face.
He spun as he rolled, regaining a standing position. He was still having slight difficulty with his vision, and knew he was on the defensive. He waved his arm powerfully, sending out a wave of the force towards his foe. He didn't bother to see if his attack was effective, instead flipping through the hot, dry air, using the force to guide him to the doorway. He hit the controls, leaving the control room. Everywhere he looked he saw orange, grey and black, the colours that the furnaces cast onto every object in the floor. He flipped, landing on a rail between the two nearest furnaces, with the two letting out a burst of flames as he landed. He turned to face in the direction where he could sense Creemor.
"So it seems that our combat skills alone aren't enough. Let's raise the stakes."
He spun his lightsabre, deflecting a barrage of blaster fire from a passing aerial combat droid.
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Casual
Keepin' It Casual
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Guardian
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Dec 16, 2009 18:45:08 GMT -5
Post by Casual on Dec 16, 2009 18:45:08 GMT -5
Cree was surprised when his blade didn’t make contact of any kind, though, perhaps he should not have been, as he was dealing with a High Council member like himself. Master Te’Baas had dodged his attack half-blinded, by less than an inch, but before Cree could follow up by charging him once more, Kaiven unleashed a Force push upon him, causing his feet to slide along the metallic ground, kicking up dust as he took the blow, blocking the brunt of it with a hasty bubble of Force protection. Kaiven took the opportunity to leap towards the door, and activate it, heading out into the fiery furnaces of the mobile factory. Cree followed suit, he did not want this man to escape, he could cause more destruction than he already has. As Cree reached the door, he heard Kaiven call out.
So it seems that our combat skills alone aren't enough. Let's raise the stakes.
Nonsense, thought Cree. His own seemed to be standing well against Kaiven, though he had not managed to actually hit him. The environment would indeed be a good resource, however, he decided. He watched as Kaiven deflected the blaster fire of a nearby aerial droid, destroying it. Cree decided to make them more useful.
He quickly deactivated his lightsaber and tucked it into his robes. With each hand he stunned a passing aerial droid, then as they fell deactivated, he clutched them with the Force. His outstretched hands now pulled tightly forward to his target: Kaiven. The two metallic demons lurched forward at his command, rocketing onward into Master Te’baas, if they hit, they would sandwich Kaiven in their wreckage, and the galaxy would be safe of one more traitor. For good measure, just as he let go of the two thrown droids, Cree used the Force to pull his saber out from his robes into his hand, the snap-hiss synchronizing with the hiss of melted metal in the furnaces behind him. A sky blue lightsaber shot its head out, contrasting with the deep orange hues of the malevolent fires behind him.
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A®heim
One does not just make a dreadnought.
3,801 posts
6 likes
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last online Sept 16, 2018 19:37:00 GMT -5
Master
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Dec 16, 2009 23:01:51 GMT -5
Post by A®heim on Dec 16, 2009 23:01:51 GMT -5
Round 3
Kaiven
Effort: 3/5
Fairness: 3/5
Detail:4/5 you're doing good with describing and staying in touch with the surroundings.
Coolness: 3/5
Bonus: 0/2 and overall keep-from-dying-taunt-the-enemy post
Total: 44
Cree
Effort: 4/5 good job fixing what I had said earlier
Fairness: 4/5
Detail: 3/5
Coolness: 4/5 Interesting strategy
Bonus: 1/2 Your imagery was good in this post. I could see the droids get stunned, and imagine the lightsaber igniting in time with the furnace.
Total: 45
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Bones
The Wizard of AUS
409 posts
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last online Apr 1, 2019 3:42:35 GMT -5
Knight
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Dec 20, 2009 23:33:49 GMT -5
Post by Bones on Dec 20, 2009 23:33:49 GMT -5
Kaiven watched from his perch, like a bird of prey watching it's prey. He noticed the hand movements, felt the power of the force extending from Creemor's hands. He smiled, waiting for the attack. He readied himself, moving his feet slightly, and balancing on the balls of his feet, ready to move.
He felt the force engulfing the two droids, causing them to rocket at him. He stayed still, until the very last moment when it would have been too late for Creemor to change the trajectory of the heavy metal battering rams coming at him from either side. Everything seemed to slow for Kaiven as he jumped, flipping backwards out of the way of the droids, landing on the next platform. He watched the explosion, before suddenly waving his arms through the blistering heat of the air, using the force to direct the shards of the burning metal towards Creemor.
He turned to his side, his senses still seeming to slow everything. He watched as one of the doors opened, revealing the escaped Sith officers leading a platoon of Sith troops. He smiled. The fight was really going to be on now.
He turned back, facing Creemor, before speaking loudly against the roaring of the flames in the furnaces around him. "Master Creemor-Lek. I am going to give you one chance, right now, to stop your attempts. If they continue..." He dropped to the foundry floor, looking up from underneath his hood, "I will end your life." As he spoke, he felt the flames of the foundry shoot up, and sensed Sith troops moving into place above him. He smirked, stepping back underneath the walkway, into the shadows and out of sight of the Sith troopers, leaving Creemor alone in their sights.
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Casual
Keepin' It Casual
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last online Jun 24, 2012 11:41:03 GMT -5
Guardian
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Feb 4, 2010 16:17:41 GMT -5
Post by Casual on Feb 4, 2010 16:17:41 GMT -5
He stood poised ready to respond to any danger. Danger like that of Master Tebass leaping away from the destruction that surely should have hit its mark and then firing what shrapnel was left at Cree through the Force. It wasn't difficult to deflect, and with a flick of his wrist, Cree broke between the center of the swarming projectiles, sending them scattering around him, allowing them to penetrate the metal scaffolding around him with small metallic clunks. It was then that he heard Master Tebass shout to him:
Master Creemor-Lek. I am going to give you one chance, right now, to stop your attempts. If they continue...
What? This man was the one offering a chance of peace? No. He ordered droids to kill. There was no way that he could allow this man to escape. Maybe if he would come quietly, perhaps if Master Tebass surrendered himself for questioning before the Council, he could cease this attempt on Master Tebass's life, but beyond that, there could be no negotiations. Before he could give the offer, however, he heard Master Tebass conclude his statement.
I will end your life.
With that Kaiven leaped down back to the foundry floor. That's it. He cannot be turned. Creemor did not even pause to check the man with Force Empathy, his trust was too shattered of Kaiven to give him such a benefit of the doubt. This was it. Before Cree could respond, however, Sith Troopers stepped out from the doorway. Cree was surprised they'd survived.
No sooner than the thought reached his mind, two droids swooped in and shot them down. After they had made certain they had achieved their kill, they turned toward Cree. Their bodies didn't even reach a full rotation in mid-air before Cree had expelled the power known as Stun Droid. He reached into his understanding of the beasts and through sense and telekinesis, deactivated the two droids. He could focus his attention now on Kaiven. He, too, leaped down and pursued Kaiven into the bowels of the metal beast. There was no way this being could be allowed escape without retribution.
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A®heim
One does not just make a dreadnought.
3,801 posts
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last online Sept 16, 2018 19:37:00 GMT -5
Master
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Feb 10, 2010 23:13:44 GMT -5
Post by A®heim on Feb 10, 2010 23:13:44 GMT -5
Round 4
Kaiven
Effort: 4/5
Fairness: 4/5
Detail:3/5 I would have liked to see more adjectives.
Coolness: 5/5 That was a slick move with the shrapnel
Bonus: 1/2 Very effective for it's length. You're doing much better.
Total: 61
Cree
Effort: 2/5 a little unoriginal, you used several tactics already in earlier rounds
Fairness: 3/5 neither of you seem to be willing to take a hit, though at least Kaiven does it with style.
Detail: 5/5 This is what I'm talking about, Kaiven. You could both learn a lot from eachother
Coolness: 2/5 Your tactics are boring. Well explained, but boring.
Bonus: 0/2
Total: 57
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Bones
The Wizard of AUS
409 posts
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last online Apr 1, 2019 3:42:35 GMT -5
Knight
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Feb 11, 2010 11:49:24 GMT -5
Post by Bones on Feb 11, 2010 11:49:24 GMT -5
He felt the force presence of Creemor persuing him along the narrow confines of the walkway. He could feel the other Jedi Master reaching out, his force presence seeming like tentacles. Tentacles of some foul beast reaching out, trying to pull him in. Hoping for that moment of victory. His own eyes caught sight of what he had been looking for. A large, industrial crucible, filled to the brim with the glistening heat that would surely mean death for whoever was unfortunate enough to touch it. He turned sideways, feeling the soles of his boots slide for some way over the warm durasteel floor.
He put his back to the crucible, feeling the immense heat behind him. He closed his eyes for a moment, calming his system, attempting to gain control of the adrenaline pulsing through his veins. He could feel it forcing it's way through his body like some sick poison. His eyes snapped open, looking at the form of Creemor-Lek coming forwards. He smirked, knowing his plan was falling into place before his very own eyes.
He watched as the brown robed figure came ever closer, forcing it's way through the blistering heat towards him. Eventually, he decided it was time. He jumped high, flipping backwards with the force. Although he hadn't judged the gap, he had trust in the force, for he knew that whilst he trusted the force, no harm would come to him. He landed in a crouch, facing towards Creemor, before waving his hand violently upwards.
As he waved his arm, the molten metal shot upwards in a fine wall, hiding him from the view of the other Master. He knew, however, that all that goes up, does indeed come down, and he watched as the glistening amber fluid rained back down into the basin infront of him. Had he ever intended for it to hit another being? No. He needed a barrier, something to block anticipation of what was to come.
As the deathly fountain lowered, Kaiven sprung. Using all of his muscles, he threw himself forward, focusing the force once again to aid his movement over the certain death below him, and towards his foe. He flicked his hilt mid-air, releasing the violet blade in the controst to the golden orange behind him. His blade was directed straight at Creemor's chest.
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Casual
Keepin' It Casual
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last online Jun 24, 2012 11:41:03 GMT -5
Guardian
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Feb 14, 2010 17:17:21 GMT -5
Post by Casual on Feb 14, 2010 17:17:21 GMT -5
There will be no mercy.
Such traitors held no pity in Creemor-Lek's heart. Those who would turn on the Council and slay the lives of those who have received no chance of surrender or remorse, did not deserve council themselves. The man was too dangerous and must be stopped. With this thought, Cree decided it would be best to see what he could do about delving into the mind of the murderous traitor. He had to stop immediately however, as he spotted the crucible of molten metal that Kaiven had taken refuge behind. He felt Kaiven pull the Force around it and hurl it in the air. Cree took a defensive stance of Soresu, expecting the melted metal to be some form of attack.
The attack never came, instead, he felt the power of the Force consume Kaiven's body, edifying him and his movements: He was preparing to attack.
It was but half-a-second's warning before Kaiven launched his blade. The simmering, lethal, violet projectile flying much faster than Cree had anticipated. There was much Force driving it, and it would be impossible to parry with his own weapon, so Cree dove out of the way, only to be caught across his right hip.
Immediately, the pain raced through Cree's body, the instantly cauterized wound streaking with hot and almost debilitating pain. Cree centered himself, and drew upon what little healing ability he knew to mitigate the pain. He acted quickly, and leered up at Kaiven, ready to do what must be done.
He pulled the Force in upon himself, preparing for a Force pull the likes of which Kaiven had never seen, reverting to his Force-focused variant of Niman. With his other eye and attention focused on the crucible near Kaiven, he pushed his influence on it and its contents. With all the power he could muster of the Force, he thrust the molten metal into the air and towards himself, then launched the strongest Force pull he could muster upon Kaiven, attempting to use the attack known as Draw Closer, hoping that Kaiven would be unable to resist his tug. As this happened, he would use the rest of his reserves in erecting a bubble of Force protection just around his own body and at places where he could redirect the flow of the quickly moving molten mayhem away from himself, while allowing it to pose a threat to Kaiven.
Glistening molten mayhem streaked ever towards him, hopefully just behind the Kaiven who was would be struck by Cree's blade mere moments before the liquid metal reached him. It was do or die.
There will be no mercy.
(Edited for missing and uncopied line from MS Word :C )
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A®heim
One does not just make a dreadnought.
3,801 posts
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last online Sept 16, 2018 19:37:00 GMT -5
Master
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Feb 16, 2010 0:07:20 GMT -5
Post by A®heim on Feb 16, 2010 0:07:20 GMT -5
ATTENTION: There was a misunderstanding in Casual's post in regards to Kaiven's attack. If you wish for me to hold my scoring until such time that the two of you come to a consent on what happened, I will do so. As this observation directly benefits Casual, I will require consent from BOTH of you before I allow the post to be edited.
Otherwise, this is how I WILL score it if the posts remain unchanged:[/color]
Round 5
Kaiven
Effort: 4/5
Fairness: 4/5
Detail:3/5
Coolness: 4/5
Bonus: 0/2 While I enjoyed the tactic you employed with the lava, I can't help but feel you could have done more with it. It was this big leadup where you could hear the cogs turning in Kaiven's head and knew what he was thinking and then the LAVA GOES ERUPTING OUT OF THE PIT AND- splashes on the ground...I don't know. Just seemed like you did a pretty lame, generic attack after all that lava.
Total: 76
Cree
Effort: 3/5 Much better, but...you misread his post. He didn't throw his saber at you, he threw HIMSELF at you.
Fairness: 4/5 Ow.
Detail: 4/5 You're developing flow-breaking patterns in these posts that are distracting from the otherwise immense ammount of detail you have working for you. Recurring phrases such as, "...the power known as..." make this feel more like a D&D battle and less like a movie. Some of those attacks just have stupid names: "Draw Closer" was out of place, awkward, and could have simply been explained without being named to a much smoother effect.
Coolness: 4/5 Much better.
Bonus: 0/2 Can't give you a bonus with such a mistake.
Total: 72
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Bones
The Wizard of AUS
409 posts
13 likes
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last online Apr 1, 2019 3:42:35 GMT -5
Knight
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May 3, 2010 4:47:42 GMT -5
Post by Bones on May 3, 2010 4:47:42 GMT -5
(( OOC: Sorry it took me soooooo long. Anyway, as was agreed, in my next post I will post in such a way that it can allow both of our posts to be valid. So here goes.... ))
The rubber of his boots squeeled like a pig as they slid across the hot metal, slowing him down after his aggressive jump. He had felt his sabre hit, and turned, expecting to see Creemor falling to the ground, dying, or at least in pain enough to stop him from proceeding his aggressive stance to himself. What he did see, however, made it feel like the temperature of his blood was boiling, matching the scorching liquid inside the crucibles.
He spun quickly at the thought of the crucibles, just in time to see one tip over, the golden-hot fluid pouring towards him. He prepared himself to jump out of the way, knowing atleast that the damage to Creemor's hip would slow him. He did not, however, compensate for the force usage of his former ally. He felt the sudden pull, and heard his boots screaming along the steel once again. He gritted his teeth, fighting against it, trying to break free from the death lock he had found himself in. Eventually, however, he realised that the more he struggled, the more and more precarious his position became. He could feel the growing heat coming closer and closer. He took one last glance, before deciding what he had to do. The steel was mere metres away.
He allowed himself to spin, being pulled in by the force pulsating out from the other Jedi Council Member. He looked at the other Jedi, giving him a look that would have felt nearly as sharp as the blade hidden within his silver hilt. The blade that he allowed to extend, radiating out in contrast to the silver and orange. He smirked, not a playful grimace, but one of pure evil, one that could only come with knowing what was to come.
He could see the gap in the steel behind Creemor, a gap that parted to give space for a crucible below. He knew that gap was his life. He changed suddenly, instead of fighting against Creemor's powers, he used them to his advantage. He lunged forwards once again, this time using both his own force in projecting him, aswell as the power of Creemor's pull to rocket himself forwards, towards the other Jedi. As the distance between the two closed, Kaiven focused upon his last obstacles: the blue lightsabre, and Creemor himself.
A flick of his wrist was all that was needed to knock Creemor's hilt out of his way, allowing him to guide his shoulder towards the man's chest. It was a desperate attack, and Kaiven knew that, but he knew that even a hit in desperation could prove pivotal. He also knew that if his hit landed, he would not only succeed in clearing the gap behind the other Jedi, but to also knock the other Jedi into the Crucible below, into a helpless, no-way-out situation that was likely to put the being a bit "hot under the collar".
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