An updated review? I'm not sure about one of those, but I have something else in stock:
A dinosaur review! Prehistoric, but helpful!
Right then; let's jump right in. I'm doin' this section by section.
Appearance: Good, if not somewhat short in my opinion. Perhaps some more details? What sort of muscles has he got, for example?
Personality: "fallowed" should be "followed".
Again, rather short. The first half is simply his beliefs, and while these play an integral role in his personality, I personally feel it would be better off with more here. For example, how is his temper? Does he like company? Is he social? Etc.
Lightsabers: Look fine, but I'll leave it to lemurs or any other such higher authority.
Saber Forms: After looking at other Knights of the same approved age, I'd say you look fine here for the most part. Personally I'd shrink one of the those 3's to a 2, but that's a personal opinion.
Force Stats: As my understanding goes, Jedi tend not to have any Destructive force abilities beyond maybe disabling droids. My lack of knowledge prompts me to again suggest waiting for a call from the mod.
Attributes: Look fine to me.
ZE BIO:Birth: At one to five years old, I sort of doubt Dan was too terribly concerned with masters and furthering his knowledge. Look at it this way; what did you think about when you were 4 or 5?
A Master: Somehow I doubt the Jedi let a 7 year old build guns. Or that he knew how to make them. Personal opinion.
Just make sure you mention he was chosen when he was 10 and not 9 and you're golden. Minimum age for padawanship is 10, you see.
How exactly did he learn about the Force in the library?
Again, personal opinion, but I imagine the first year of training would be spent on just Shii-Cho, with other forms entering later.
Age 11-15:This was never really explained. Does he dislike Hutts? Why?
I can understand natural talent, but he, what, just waltzed in, sat in a fighter, and could suddenly fly? I feel this might be slightly more realistic if he visited the hangar ever so often and learned it over the course of a few visits at least.
What kind of work? List some examples.
Ages 16-20:To my knowledge, battleships lack blindspots. Personal opinion. They could have been fighting out of range of the battleship (which is pretty far away mind you), but I don't believe they have blindspots.
Brace yourself, this is a long one, and could very well be incorrect pending mod dismissal.
As I'm understanding it, ships like battleships use particle shields to deflect "bombardment". This shields are not physical, and as such do not keep out physical objects, but rather energy like lasers.
The pirates and other fighters just let him do this in the heat of battle?
Again, where are the pirates? This is an inexperienced padawan who has yet to see serious combat. Did he just chop through? Were they all getting coffee?
Why exactly were they getting up to the rafters?
So they rescue the senator. Again, where the heck are the pirates? Did they see two Jedi and their captive walking around freely and were just like "Cool, have fun"? My point is that I would expect far more resistance.
Flesh:RED FLAG: Bakura wasn't settled until 150 Before the Battle of Yavin, while we are about 3,000 years before that. Therefore, it could not have happened there.
Age 21-24:Generally speaking, and this is another opinion (I have lots), Jedi tend not to dwell on how they change the future. Look at episode 3: Ani tries to save Padme, ends up becoming a widow and a Dark Lord. See the connection?
Curage (should be "Courage"):That's quite the revelation. How exactly did he come upon it?
Personal opinion: I question the possibility of using two different forms like this, especially when they are opposites. There ARE two-saber forms, but but to my knowledge none that have one saber held backwards and one forwards.
The fight with the Mandos, and I'd like to reiterate MANDOS, seems a bit overpowered for a 23 year-old padawan, even if on the verge of kinghthood. Personal opinion, but I stand by it.
Year 24:A new knight and he's already being sent to single-handedly deal with a full-fledged arms trade of numerous criminals? Sounds likes a multi-Jedi task in my opinion.
What is this, Looney Toons?
Seriously, though, that's not very realistic.
-_-
I don't believe it's within the capacity of a lightsaber to be used as a wielding tool.
"So long fellas! It's been a blast!"
So he goes through this mission, and then... what? There's no closure of the bio ._.
So overall, this bio has it basics well-sorted. Ignoring the grammatical errors, the bio seems to explain the later years more than the earlier ones. For example, you really ought to explain Dan's master a bit, be more descriptive of his padawanship and younglingship, and also try to explore the character a little more in terms of thoughts and personality. Overall, the first half could use... more.
So tackle that, and get back to us.