Rules now state that a child must be brought to the Jedi before the age of six, otherwise they will not be trained. Once a youngling, he wouldn't be taught by just one Jedi. Many masters at the Temple teach the younglings until they are selected as padawans.
What happened from 7-17? Skipping ten years isn't going to work. Also, most padawans become knights at or very close to the age of 22. Why didn't he?
Typo I believe? Change sith to dark jedi. The word is repeated throughout the paragraph. Make sure to go through and change them.
This time you skip 15 years with only one sentence. I can't allow that.
This doesn't sound much like the Jedi Council to me. If he is innocent, they would be able to sense it.
Why does he make a new lightsaber and go on secret missions when you say he'd given up on life? You say it's a desperate attempt at being a Jedi, and that he continues to plead his innocence. Those statements don't mesh well with a person who has given up on life. Also, where'd he get the stuff to build a new lightsaber (crystals in particular)? And how did he know about missions. Lastly, if someone were trying to prove they were innocent, dodging those who are watching him doesn't exactly seem like the innocent thing to do.
What droids? How'd he get them? How'd he get the money to buy them?
Why?
If he can shoot two in the head, I see no reason why he couldn't stealthily take them on with his lightsaber. Also, why does he have a blaster, most Jedi don't care much for them.
If he was reluctant, why did he accept? It seems to me that he's living off of his "secret missions", otherwise he'd have to have a day job for money?
That whole last paragraph is full of stuff that needs to be explained more.
This whole bio is shorter than many knight level characters I've approved. It needs more info in those years that were skipped.
Examples of things that need to be added:
- His time as a youngling at the temple
- His time as a padawan (missions, Jedi trials, etc.)
- More info on him as a knight
- Does he take a padawan before he is expelled from the order? Why/why not?
- More about what he did during his exile and why he was allowed back after so many years... Did it really take the Jedi Council 10 years to figure out he was innocent??
On to stats...
A silver lightsaber is rare. How did he come across the durindfire crystal that is required to create such a blade? This needs to be explained in the bio.
No lightsaber stat can be higher than Shii-Cho. This form is the first to be mastered, and is mastered by knighthood. I recommend switching Shii-Cho and Soresu, so that Shii-Cho is a 5 and Soresu is a 3. Also, explaining a bit about learning forms and which ones he prefers (I'm assuming thats Shien/Djem So) in the bio is always a good idea. Speaking of Shien/Djem So, that stat can be raised to a 5 if you wish.
Force stats:
Force Shot will not be allowed. Not only is it not explained in the bio, it just doesn't fit with the Jedi way. Please remove it.
Lower telekinesis to an 8.
Attributes; I see no evidence in the bio for strength or melee to be at 8s. Lower strength to a 7 and melee to a 6 (unless you add information about training with melee weapons in the bio). Remember that melee weapons (swords, knives, spears, etc.) are not the same as lightsabers. They have different stat areas for a reason.
Atunement seems a tad high for someone who was off doing his own thing for so long. Lower it to a 6.
The RP sample needs to be relevant. And the rule of not mentioning the sith still applies.
Ownership of anything is forbidden as a Jedi, this includes pets, droids, and ships. A droid or a pet might be allowed if you explain why he was allowed to keep it. But there is no need for him to personally own a ship (the jedi have ships that are used when needed).
Delete the repeated stats at the bottom of the app.
