Alpheridies - A Meeting of Mirialans (lmr,Apillis)

[Dee]

"Don't worry. There will be many more tattoos in your life."[/i]

A small smile had crept onto the girl's face in response to that. The tattoos were a Mirialan thing, holding special meaning to her people. She didn't often get to sit and discuss them this way. Non-Mirialans could understand the concept behind the tattoos, sure, but there was something different about talking with a member of her own species about it. It was encouraging to hear from another, older Mirialan who had clearly seen and done a great deal in her life and earned so many that one day she would as well. Even if some of those things the woman herself had done were apparently very illegal...

Ervisa seemed more than willing to respond to Jia's small avalanche of questions. "Yes. With a spoon and a pair of panties. Like I said, it took me a year but I made it." Jia shook her head in disbelief. Not about whether or not the story was true, but at how the older woman managed to pull something like that off. Ervisa leaned closer to her and spoke again in a quieted tone, "You'd better believe they came after me..."[/i]

She said it with just enough intrigue to have the teenager's complete attention again. She sat up a little straighter as she waited for Ervisa to continue. Clearly she had gotten away. How, was what was going to be interesting.

"Yeah, they sent people after me. Locked the ports down pretty tight, with people checking for papers. Luckily I'd ditched the prison uniform a while back and hoofed it over the hills to get into one of their cities. Never could pronounce the name of it."[/i]

As Ervisa began to recount the story Jia's imagination picked up every word she said and played it all out in her mind. She could even imagine the emotions that were coursing through not only Ervisa at the time, but just the general feeling of the entire situation. The tension, the desperation, the determination to avoid being caught again, the girl could feel them all as if she had been there and experiencing them herself.

"Luckily I had my lightsaber, because a whole squad of cops chased me down an alley. I ducked into this coffee shop, ran straight to the bathroom, locked the door, and cut my way into the bakery next door."[/color]

Jia blinked. "That baker must've been really, really confused." She uttered an aside comment that she hadn't even meant to say out loud, and may not have even realized she did.

"Gave them a good slip and made it to a cantina. Played the best hands of Sabacc in my whole life, and won passage off the planet. Ever since then, I avoid Rodia. But, I do have to admit I'm a little curious what my bounty is."[/i]

Yet again Jia was left amazed at what she had been told. Ervisa had somehow managed to get away from the police force, which Jia could only imagine was of a considerable size, completely avoided being recaptured, and somehow got off the planet even with the ports being locked down and so carefully watched. It was insane. The skills she had learned from being a Jedi probably helped her, but still, it wasn't exactly as easy feat.

Jia shouldn't have been so impressed with someone's ability to evade the law, if she wanted to be proper and responsible, but honestly... she really was. "Wow..." She said nothing at all about the morality of the situation, showed no approval or disapproval, just said that one simple word that showed her amazement at the story.

"Any, uh, other questions sugar?"

Jia lifted a hand to rub at the back of her own neck as she thought about it. Truly she did have more, though not about the same story. The biggest thing that her mind kept trying to get her to focus on was why Ervisa left the Jedi Order. She had said that it was because of disagreements with the way things were done, but... It must have been something pretty significant to make her outright leave something she had been a part of since she was a child. There had to be more to it than just some small diverging in opinion.

The girl couldn't bring herself to actually ask the question out loud. She wanted to know, but she also knew that whatever the answer was could have been extremely personal. Her own first master had left and though she still didn't know why, she knew that whatever caused it hurt him deeply. It was possible that the case may have been similar for the older Mirialan sitting before her. Jia wasn't looking to start stirring up trouble or bringing bad memories back to the surface. So she avoided it. She was sure there were plenty of other interesting stories that Ervisa could tell her that would satisfy her curiosity.

"About that, uh... no, I don't think so. I think you explained it all pretty well. I'm still trying to wrap my head around some of it. It must've been a really crazy experience to live through."

[Lemur, The Kool-Aid Guy]

"About that, uh... no, I don't think so. I think you explained it all pretty well. I'm still trying to wrap my head around some of it. It must've been a really crazy experience to live through."

Ervisa laughed as she popped open her third beer. There'd probably be another three to polish off the six-pack she'd bought, which was just about par for the course. Yeah, she'd just wait until tomorrow to take off in the ship, or maybe use her Force-abilities to purge the alcohol from her blood. That was a handy trick she'd picked up.

"Yeah, my life for the past decade has been one massive crazy experience. It's been a real whirlwind of excitement if you know what I mean."

She chuckled again while holding the beer. No, of course the girl didn't understand what she'd meant. She was probably a virgin, probably hadn't been drunk, and she doubted the teenager smoked. Still, there were things she could talk about, a nearly limitless well of stories, both fictional and true, that she could count on for use.

Normally the Mirialan woman had no qualms about telling the false stories, but somehow she felt obligated to tell only the true ones to Jia. It was strange really, but she didn't want to lie. Well, not to her anyway. She felt a little invested in the girl now, and didn't want to dash her confidence and hopes.

"So," Ervisa said with a grin, "Want to hear about why I rebuilt my lightsaber?"

[Dee]

"Yeah, my life for the past decade has been one massive crazy experience. It's been a real whirlwind of excitement if you know what I mean."

Jia's imagination may have run away with her after that statement. The way Ervisa had worded it for some reason made the young Padawan feel as if things like that story she had just been told were happening to the older Mirialan on a weekly basis. It may have been a silly thing to think but for whatever reason, the teenager seemed somewhat enthralled by this woman and the idea of her many experiences, and was all too willing at the moment to place her on some sort of pedestal of accomplishment.

Maybe not always very lawful accomplishments, but still.

Ervisa wasn't exactly the best person to be the target of such budding idolization by a Padawan learner. Not if the Padawan in question was serious about following her training as a Jedi. Jia truly was, and she had never intentionally swayed from that view. Yet she was here, willingly conversing with and even to a point marveling at an admitted felon. The younger Mirialan herself was so caught up in that unending curiosity and amazement that she didn't even fully realize what she was doing.

If another Jedi knew, regardless of her own blissful ignorance of it, the trouble for her would have been endless. If Rin knew... It didn't matter that her master wasn't a typical Jedi, and gave her more freedoms than most gave their students. She wouldn't be happy if she knew that her Padawan was being drawn in so deeply by this woman's words. Jia might not even be too happy with herself later either... Especially if there was disappointment from Rin. That would've cut her the deepest of all.

"So, want to hear about why I rebuilt my lightsaber?"

"Yeah, you said you ran into some dark Jedi, right? What happened? Did you have to fight them without a lightsaber?"

As Jia once again rained questions down onto Ervisa's head she silently wondered to herself if the elder Mirialan ended up in a situation where she had to somehow fight off a group of dark Jedi with only a blaster, and how she managed that if it were the case. She didn't voice the imaginative thought, just waited to hear what had happened from Ervisa herself.

[Lemur, The Kool-Aid Guy]

"Yeah, you said you ran into some dark Jedi, right? What happened? Did you have to fight them without a lightsaber?"

Ervisa laughed as she rummaged through her duffle for a pack of cigs, to fulfill yet another vice. "Nothing so incredibly badass sadly, I just had to cook dinner and perform a stand-up comedy routine for them. Dirty bastards."

Ervisa chuckled again as she lit up a cigarette and breathed in the fumes with pleasure. Nothing quite like the feeling of junk going into my lungs...

With her cig in hand, the Mirialan woman grinned and started in on the story.

"So, it's been a couple drunken years since leaving the Jedi Order, and I'm doing pretty well with just my blaster pistol and my fists, until the crew I'm rolling with takes on passengers. It looks fine to me at first because I'm completely plastered, just drunk off my ass. Sure it's a little weird they're all wearing black, but I figure maybe they're a Goth band or something. Then about three light years away from our starting point out come the lightsabers. These guys insist on not paying, but they also insist on causing trouble for me because I'm a Forcie. They're messing with me, and I've got nothing left to do but turn on the charm."

Ervisa puffed on her cig again before putting on an earnest face and acting out the whole scenario.

"Oh please kind Master, I'm just a poor retired Jedi with a drinking habit."

"Not so fast girl! You'd better earn your keep!"

Ervisa leaned back again and clicked her heels together with a grin. "Next thing you know I'm cooking a five star dinner out of salty crackers and condiments, and then impersonating the Chancellor of the Republic doing a strip-tease. Well, more like an erotic pole-dance while making a political speech. Was a real laugh riot..."

[Dee]

Jia watched Ervisa dig around in her bag before pulling out a pack of cigarettes. She giggled quietly and shook her head. "Those are gonna kill you, you know." She teased quietly. The older Mirialan had been downing beers and smoking like a machine practically the entire time the two of them sat there. If this was normal for her, Jia wondered how she was still alive.

"Nothing so incredibly badass sadly, I just had to cook dinner and perform a stand-up comedy routine for them. Dirty bastards."[/i]

Jia's head tilted a bit after hearing that, and she looked quite a bit confused. "Wait, what?" That definitely required much more explanation. Good thing Ervisa planned to give it.

"So, it's been a couple drunken years since leaving the Jedi Order, and I'm doing pretty well with just my blaster pistol and my fists, until the crew I'm rolling with takes on passengers. It looks fine to me at first because I'm completely plastered, just drunk off my ass.[/i]

The younger Mirialan grinned. The fact that Ervisa was drunk during the course of this story wasn't a very surprising detail to the girl.

Sure it's a little weird they're all wearing black, but I figure maybe they're a Goth band or something. Then about three light years away from our starting point out come the lightsabers. These guys insist on not paying, but they also insist on causing trouble for me because I'm a Forcie. They're messing with me, and I've got nothing left to do but turn on the charm."[/i]

"Did... It work?" The girl asked with a tone that suggested that she had already assumed the answer. As much as she wished it wasn't true, it was probably pretty unlikely that a group of dark Jedi in a situation like the one being described to her, with strength in numbers, would be swayed by charm or reason alone.

Ervisa began to act out the scenario, answering the girl's question, "Oh please kind Master, I'm just a poor retired Jedi with a drinking habit."[/i]

"Not so fast girl! You'd better earn your keep!"[/i]

"Next thing you know I'm cooking a five star dinner out of salty crackers and condiments, and then impersonating the Chancellor of the Republic doing a strip-tease. Well, more like an erotic pole-dance while making a political speech. Was a real laugh riot..."[/i]

At this point the expression on Jia's face had returned to something a little more serious. Ervisa seemed to be in pretty good spirits about the whole experience, but then again, that could have just been because it was in the past. Over and done with. Jia wasn't sure what she would have done in a situation like that, but she knew that it would probably leave her pretty shaken up.

"The... Chancellor of the Republic... Pole dancing." Jia wasn't really sure how to take that one. That was pretty absurd. Ervisa was laughing about it, and the teenager might have found it funny too, but all the Padawan could think about was how embarrassing the whole situation must have been at the time. Embarrassing, and humiliating, to have to do whatever the dark Jedi wanted to keep them amused. She forced a small smile in reaction to the end of the story though, to avoid causing the conversation to crash and burn. Maybe she was just thinking about it too seriously.

"That's crazy. It's pretty impressive that you kept your cool through that. If it had been me... Well. I dunno. We're supposed to be in control, and not let our emotions affect out actions, but... I probably wouldn't have dealt with it very well." There was the sound of some disappointment in her voice. It vanished quickly as she continued.

"I can definitely see why you'd wanna make another lightsaber after that though, for self-defense. Not having one must've felt weird."

Jia was quiet for a moment after that. She wanted to hear more stories, but she couldn't think of what to say or ask about next. She didn't know enough about the things Ervisa might have done to ask very many specific questions about her.

Well. Just one. The question still tugged at the teenager's mind. Pestered her, even. Especially now, after bringing up lightsabers. Why did Ervisa leave the Jedi? She kept pushing it back again, still filled with the worry that she might touch on a far too personal and sensitive topic. But... Ervisa didn't seem like she would be easily offended. Or maybe Jia was just being silly. It could have been something really simple. Maybe she just changed her mind about what she wanted to do with her life and left without incident. The desire to know would never leave her alone, and she would never get the answer she was so curious to hear unless she just asked.

"Ervisa? Why did you leave the Order?" Once the words had left her mouth she immediately regretted them. What was she thinking? Eye contact was instantly broken, and she was without a doubt suddenly very unsure of herself. "Um, I mean... You don't have to answer that. I know it might be personal. It was rude, I'm sorry." She ran a hand through her dark hair before forcing a glance back in Ervisa's direction, with an expression that could only be read as saying 'I can't believe I really just said that'.

[Lemur, The Kool-Aid Guy]

"The... Chancellor of the Republic... Pole dancing."

"Mhmm." Ervisa nodded as she took a gulp of beer and grinned like an idiot. That hadn't been quite so funny at the moment, but it got better every time she told it. Funny how much things could change over time...

"That's crazy. It's pretty impressive that you kept your cool through that. If it had been me... Well. I dunno. We're supposed to be in control, and not let our emotions affect out actions, but... I probably wouldn't have dealt with it very well."

Ervisa shrugged a little as she took a puff of her cigarette. Yeah, that's one circumstance where she was grateful for all that Jedi training to fall back on, it got her through that one week of misery. And luckily things hadn't gotten as bad as they could have. She'd kept her cool, and that had undoubtedly saved her life.

Of course that wasn't to say she advocated or liked stifling emotion. No, what was the fun in life going around and denying your feelings? People weren't droids, coldly going from task to task. People had emotions of all kinds, and there was a hell of a lot of positive in them. Besides, what harm did a little lust do now and again? That was a problem with the Jedi, they were such prudes.

Traditions. Why did everyone have so many of them?

"I can definitely see why you'd wanna make another lightsaber after that though, for self-defense. Not having one must've felt weird."


"Very," Ervisa agreed drily as she shook the beer can to gauge how much of it was left. Too much was the answer, and she set about correcting that promptly with et another swig.

There were a few seconds of silence then where the two Mirialans simply looked at each other. And then she was blind-sided.

"Ervisa? Why did you leave the Order?"

The older Mirialan woman's eyes seemed to widen a little, and a pained look found its way onto those gray irises. The blue flecks seemed to fade to a sedate color, and a certain slack appeared in shoulders that had formerly been straight. It was obvious from body language alone just how badly the ex-Jedi had been rattled by the question.

"Um, I mean... You don't have to answer that. I know it might be personal. It was rude, I'm sorry."

Ervisa looked away and stared off at the green trees and grass, listening to the fountain burble for long seconds. This had to happen. It always came back to that one issue no matter what she did, no matter how much she drank. She could feel the nagging loss for the young man she wished she'd known longer and better. She just couldn't escape his ghost, and the memories followed her everywhere. She wondered if that part of her would ever be whole again, or if she'd ever want it filled.

With a shaking hand, she took a long, deep drag on the smoldering cigarette and sighed deeply. Still looking away, she responded. "Yeah, it's personal."

Ervisa lowered her head into the palm of her hand and massaged her forehead as she prepared to describe what she still had nightmares over. Oh she'd spare the details, the horrifying sights. No teenager deserved to picture a lightsaber protruding through a person's chest. It was a horrifying sight, one Ervisa never hoped to see again in all her days....

In a broken voice she began, slowly at first, uncertainty hanging in every word as she debated stopping short her explanation.

"I was a Knight, with a Padawan. He was a Twi'lek named Bola, and more than my student. He was my best friend, my moral compass. He taught me every bit as much as I taught him. And then one day- I- failed him. What happened was all my fault. I never trained him well enough, I wasn't fast enough. He died and I wasn't there to save him. I had nothing left but to mourn him and... I cried. I cried for weeks, and then I realized I was done. There was no point to it any more. My life was over, I was lost. I left and made that official."

Quiet tears rolled down her green, tattooed cheeks and she pulled off the goggles to wipe them away, revealing her grey eyes only briefly before the goggles returned again.

Angrily the former Jedi drained the rest of her beer and crushed the can with her hand, staring away and avoiding eye contact.

"Ervisa Therani was a failure as a Jedi. It's good she left."

[Dee]

The girl really regretted what she had done. It was written all over her body language. Eye contact seemed entirely impossible for her to make now. She should have known better. She really needed to learn when to keep her mouth shut.

Ervisa hadn't reacted well to the question. Jia didn't need to be looking her in the eyes to know that. She felt the shifting emotion like a change in the wind, and with that one quick glance that she made at the older Mirialan she easily read her changing facial expression. Gone was the cheerful storyteller, replaced by a woman in the deep pain of an unhappy memory.

"Yeah, it's personal."[/i] Even the sound of the older woman's voice gave away that she was hurting.

"You don't have to tell me..." Jia's voice was very quiet. Timid. It was possible that it hadn't even been heard.

There was another long moment of silence between the two Mirialans before Ervisa began to speak again. Jia struggled to make eye contact and found that she still couldn't, but she was listening intently regardless. She was being trusted with something very personal, a source of deep pain for another living being. She refused to show further disrespect by not giving her the attention that she deserved.

"I was a Knight, with a Padawan. He was a Twi'lek named Bola, and more than my student. He was my best friend, my moral compass. He taught me every bit as much as I taught him. And then one day- I- failed him. What happened was all my fault. I never trained him well enough, I wasn't fast enough. He died and I wasn't there to save him."[/i]

Jia felt the weight of Ervisa's words heavy on her heart. It was worse than the girl had thought. Way worse.

"I had nothing left but to mourn him and... I cried. I cried for weeks, and then I realized I was done. There was no point to it any more. My life was over, I was lost. I left and made that official."[/i]

The younger Mirialan felt the other's emotions spiking. Becoming more intense. And yet the padawan knew that no matter how much she felt from Ervisa right now, none of what she was experiencing empathetically was even close to what the woman herself was feeling. How could it be? Jia didn't know this kind of loss. She had never lost someone she was that close to. Not like that.

Jia visibly tensed at the sound of the empty beer can being crushed in Ervisa's grip. "Ervisa Therani was a failure as a Jedi. It's good she left." She managed another quick glance up at Ervisa, to see her staring away into the distance as she fell silent. Without eye contact she was able to keep her gaze focused on the older Mirialan for the time being.

Jia had been taught how Jedi were supposed to deal with loss. They could mourn. But like with all emotional reactions, they were expected to put it behind them and move forward without being overly affected. Ervisa couldn't do that. Jia couldn't blame her for it, or judge her or see her as a failure. She felt nothing but sympathy for the woman. She had lost her padawan, her best friend. The pain of it must have been overwhelming.

Finally she voiced her honest sympathy, "I'm sorry, Ervisa... I didn't mean to make you relive something like that." The girl paused for a moment, tried to push aside her guilt so she could say the next few things she wanted to say, "It must've been so hard to lose him. And I can tell that it's still hard. I'm so sorry..."

Jia wanted so badly to comfort the elder Mirialan. She wished she could find words, or do something that would calm the pain in the other's heart. She had no idea how, or if it was even possible. The teenager was at a loss, and it only brought her guilt rushing back. She had caused Ervisa to recall those memories, and now she didn't even have a way to lessen the heartache.

All she had to fall back on was what she had always been taught about death. What she always heard over said to others who had lost fellow Jedi they were close to, "You can take some comfort in knowing that he's one with the Force now..." She had always believed in the truth of those words. Ervisa, as a former Jedi, had probably heard and maybe even thought the same to herself. Yet as she looked on the older woman and felt her pain and how strong it really was, even now, years later, she wondered how comforting it could really be for those closest to the ones who were lost.

"But I... I can see that it still hurts." Jia bowed her head, eyes staring intensely into the stone of the fountain they both sat upon. She spoke again, quietly as she had been before, with the only other words she could think to say, "I'm sorry..."

[Lemur, The Kool-Aid Guy]

Ervisa sighed as her tears kept returning to stain her emerald cheeks. She pulled away the goggles and stared at Jia as she wiped away those tears again, the subdued blue flecks in her grey eyes standing out in the glint of the foreign sun.

Surely just few more seconds wouldn't cause permanent harm.

This time as she veiled her eyes again, she vowed to still her tears. She willed herself to hold it together and avoid crying. She'd shed enough tears enough times to know it always ended. The alcohol would kick in shortly, and...

Yes, already she could feel the tension in her neck dissipating, the horrid feeling of helplessness, the knot in her stomach, untying itself and returning her to some semblance of normality. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly before even beginning to respond to Jia.

But first there was nicotine to add to the alcohol, a mix that would help her. A mix that always helped her. No matter what anyone said about substance use, or dependency, it was worth it. This took her edge off, and as she fumbled around for a pack of cigarettes and her lighter, she realized this was the way it had to be. The way it was.

She lit the cigarette and took the fumes deep into lungs before blowing them out again a second later. The act of breathing it in and out was just as soothing, and after a minute of silence she was ready to answer.

"I know he's one with the Force now. But it's still my fault, and no matter what I come to... he's always there. Something reminds me of him. And then when I'm alone and there's no one around, I close my eyes and I see it all over again."

The Mirialan woman took another drag of the cigarette, holding it gently between her index and middle fingers, blowing out the cloud of grey smoke into the air and watching it slowly dissipate. Another reminder that nothing ever lasted.

"And I just think it should have been me and not him. He had a bright future ahead of him, he could have amounted to something. Instead his life ended and... Mine did too. I've been reincarnated now you could say. But even in a new life you can't escape the past one."

Ervisa lowered her head, tucking her sharp chin into the palm of her hand and resting it there for a brief second. But it dropped away and she sat up again, with a look of action on her green face.

"Well Jia, I'm not drunk enough yet, and your master won't wait forever. I think it's time we end this little meeting of Mirialans and go our separate ways."