Master and Padawan: Reunited

[ninjabot]

Xell stood strong as his lightsaber twirled around his body like harnessed lightning. The blaster bolt after blaster bolt ricocheted away from him, never getting closer to his body than about 2 feet before being launched back at the holo-droids that fired at him.

Feeling cocky, the padawan whiped his sweat covered brow with his free hand's sleeve while spinning his saber blindly and he still managed to fling the bolts away. They didn't hit their intended targets, but his natural instincts had been tempered to the point that he could act accurately without too much thought.

The droids dropped their damaged guns and removed lightsabers. One circled behind him while the other approached from the front. The point of the training session was to increase Xell's passive fighting techniques. Though he was now athletic enough to go on a speed blitz, it wouldn't teach him any better ways to defend himself. So instead, the boy stood his ground and awaited their approach.

The first droid swung a horizontal slash to Xell's chest, but didn't lean it. It was obviously a feint to push him back so that his back could be struck by the other droid. He deduced as much thanks to the sound of metallic feet clanking behind him. It was their right foot... Instead of leaping back, Xell stepped forward while rising his saber high in a two-handed swipe which pushed the first opponent's sword upwards aswell. Xell continued pushing through and let his own azure blade stop behind him in a strong over the shoulder block.

He guessed right. The opponent behind him was performing a horizontal slash. He swung upwards hard again that pushed the sword away. As he did so he pivoted to the right and hopped backwards so that both opponents were in front of him again. A playful twirl of his sword beckoned them forward. Knowing full well they wanted to take advantage of his blindside again, Xell shuffled backwards to place his back against the wall. As if to force him to escape and reveal his back to him, both droids increased their striking speed and it was then that Xell started to up his own momentum. He went into a onehanded stance and, in a hail of sparks parried and blocked strike after strike before catching hold of one of the droids wrists and pulling, forcing them to stab their saber into the wall behind him.

In tandem, he twirled his saber to remove both of the right-most droid's hands before planting a hard kick into his abdomen, pushing him to the floor and causing him to skitter about before shutting down. Then, he swung his sword upward to remove the trapped droid's swordarm and left foot at the ankle. He was proud of himself. He fought two gun wielding opponents, two swordsmen with lightsabers, and defeated both with non lethal attacks. Even better, he didn't have to rely on his telekinisis to get him out of a tight spot. It was as if he'd found the perfect mix of Master Orren and Master Rin. He thought about the best way to finish the fight without anyone dying, but he also didn't hesitate anymore either. Then again, he was just fighting training droids... disarming a sentient would be different.

Xell glanced over to the clock in the training room as a big cleaning droid salvaged the parts from the droids that Xell had just cut down. "Do you have the time?" asked Xell. The droid beeped and booped for a second before mentioning in a heavy synth voice "bzzt 11:00 am Master Xell broop." Xell nodded and picked up his walking pace and grabbed a towel from the rack next to the door. He was running late.

Every morning Xell jogged around the temple and spoke to people he knew Sherasti spoke to often to see if they knew whether she had returned from their mission. Weeks had passed and Xell was becoming antsy. He had no way of communicating with her, and he knew before she left that the mission would be a dangerous one. So dangerous Sherasti would only be allowed to have a less combat oriented role. That should have made him happy knowing his master would avoid most combat situations, but it simply unnerved him more knowing that she would be surrounded by death.

Xell shook the thought from his mind as he walked faster to make his rounds. He stopped first at the closest elevator and rode it to the hangar bay. His eyes widened at what he saw: the ship Sherasti left on about a month ago. "Hey... hey, how long has this ship been here!? Did Sherasti Rin return? Was she okay?" blurted Xell as he walked forward at a brisk pace. He continued glancing at the ship, then back to the mechanic typing things into a console.

He glanced over a list to the side of him and let out a sigh. "Yep. She's one o' the few that actually made it back in one piece. Well... more or less. Ship was here since yesterday actually."

Xell's heart sank. For a second, he felt as if he'd pass out. He buried his face into his palms and muttered over and over illegible babble before running full speed away from the hangar bay to his master's room. While she was gone he kept it tidy as a further apology to ruining it in the first place.

Moments later

Xell came to a skidding stop infront of master Rin's door and reached for the knob to open it and, much to his surprise, it was locked. It was literally the first time in their entire time knowing eachother that her door was locked. Well, there was that one time in the ship, but they didn't truly know eachother then. What's worse is that they hadn't seen eachother in so long and she made no attempt to contact him. And the ship arrived yesterday? What happened? Was she hurt?

Xell began banging on the door. "Master Rin? Sherasti, are you home?"

[Lemur, The Kool-Aid Guy]

[Note: This thread takes place after A Flicker of Hope]

To sum the events of the past days was just about impossible, but needless to say they hadn't gone well for Sherasti Rin. If they had gone well, she wouldn't have come so perilously close to losing her life, and she wouldn't be so exhausted and weak now.

The fights she'd been in during the mission to rescue Kaiven, one of the High Councilors, had all blurred together into a surreal recollection of feelings and impressions rather than actual clear memories. That was a blessing, as it reduced the pain she'd felt to an abstract concept, albeit one that lingered thanks to physical mementos in the form of bodily injury.

Yes, she could have had highly visible injuries like missing limbs or burnt flesh, but what she had was different and just as serious. Apart from the normal cuts and bruises of combat, she was horribly weak and fatigued, thanks to a skilled enemy's draining powers. She'd been reduced to a state barely alive, and terribly weak, fading in and out of consciousness. Luckily others on the team had hauled her back to safety and medical attention.

In fact, she'd spent her full first day back at the Temple with the Healers, who were trying their best to strengthen her again. It wasn't an easy undertaking, but she'd gone from barely conscious to half-awake. Of course she'd still had to be carried into her room and placed into her bed by other Jedi. She was too weak to walk, and barely lucid. Everything was like a dream, hazy and unreal.

The very young Togruta Knight was mostly asleep, with her violet eyes veiled behind maroon-colored lids, when a sound wafted into the half-dream she was in.

It was Shili, and she was lying down in a sea of turu-grass, waving in a gentle breeze. The sky overhead was grey, and soft. It had texture, like a blanket hung in the air. A soft rain was falling, dampening her skin and providing the most beautiful sound. But now there was thunder. Loud, booming thunder that came too fast to be right.

Sherasti's eyes opened and she saw a blurry room. Someone was... outside? Calling?

"Master Rin? Sherasti, are you home?"

"Xell?" Sherasti mumbled, followed by something that sounded enough like 'come in' for the automated system on the door to unlock itself. Of course the Jedi herself had very little idea what she was saying.

She stared off into the distance at the door, her eyes unfocused. There was a reason the healers had locked the door; she was too weak and not conscious enough for visitors.

[ninjabot]

Xell's heart fluttered at the metallic clanking of miniature gears inside of the sliding door. Not quite soon enough, the door slid open and Xell rushed through, the door closing behind him. He saw his master laying down on her bed and she looked... whole. Nothing seemed terribly wrong aside from a few bruises and cuts. Infact she looked to be in better shape than he and Sherasti returned in on their first mission as master and padawan. So why was he gradually feeling less and less happy to see her laying there? What was he feeling?

"M-master... you're... okay?" Xell said in a way that made things seem as if he didn't really know.

What ever reply came came all too slowly and didn't have the calm and thoughtful feel behind it that his master's words usually did. It was as if it would've taken too much effort to answer in her usual manner. Like she was rationing her words. Like they were running short.

"I... I've missed you so much! I'm so glad you're back. I was going crazy worrying and... and having you back is the best thing that's happened in weeks! I kept training day in and day out, and you'd be impressed by how good I've...


She just stared at him. Blankly.


"Master..."

Xell sat next to master Rin and swallowed hard. He knew what was wrong. Something she saw or felt... this was deeper than physical injuries. When he looked into her eyes he didn't feel the same warmth. Or rather, not as strongly. She was numb. Something either dissensitized her or weakened her spiritually.

But what was it? Did she see something that traumatized her? He remembered the first day he saw Orren kill. He didn't sleep for weeks. Master Rin however should be used to this now... right? Did she see something worse than that? Enslaved children? Particularly bloody deaths?

Xell reached out and placed a hand on his somber master's palm. His voice began to crack as he squeezed her hand and tried to place the thoughts of what may have happend to her in the back of his mind.

"You're okay. You're okay, you're home. Okay?"

[Lemur, The Kool-Aid Guy]

Sherasti tried to make her eyes work properly, but everything was still incredibly fuzzy, and they didn't want to work. It took all of her strength to make the dark blur before her coalesce into something she could see. Increment by increment, the familiar face of Xell Rayner came into view. Slowly and with a great effort she reached out her hand as if to touch his cheek.

However, the human man was too far away for that, and the Togruta's maroon fingertips brushed empty air instead as her left arm, her weak arm, started to shake and then fell limply to her side, dangling unceremoniously off the edge of her bed. It had never been strong, a permanent legacy of her Trial of the Flesh, but this was more than that old weakness. This was a total exhaustion, and damage to even her will to live.

"Xell..." Sherasti whispered feverishly, in a tone that bordered on pleading. Her voice was barely a whisper, and she wasn't even sure if it was audible in her mind. Had words really come out or not? And did it really matter if he heard her or not? Maybe she was just dreaming the entire thing...

What did that matter? She only knew what she wanted, what she needed. She couldn't see anything else in the dark of the room but him. She couldn't sense anything either. For all practical purposes there were only two focal points in her entire world at that moment. Her, and Xell.

The Togruta Knight shivered despite her blankets, and her violet eyes fixated on Xell. "I'm... cold Xell..."

A strange and dreamy expression appeared on the graceful features of her face and the stripes on her lekku became a pale azure she'd never exhibited before.

"Hold me," She managed in Basic before she started to murmur soft words in Togruti to herself, her eyes closing and finally no more sound coming from her moving lips.

Inside her mind she was staring up again at the grey skies and lying on the soft grass. Her arms and legs felt cold, but that was natural. She was lying on the ground after all, outside in winter. Every muscle in her body went limp and she simply existed.

[ninjabot]

Xell's master called out to him in a wanting tone, one that made him partially smile. How could he be happy in a time like this? Was it because she was coming to, and she realized her loving padawan was nearby? Or was it the way she called his name? Though she still sounded weak, the tone in her voice wasn't unlike the way she called him in his dreams.

Xell clasped onto her hand even tighter. "I'm here master. I'm right here."

"I'm... cold Xell..."
Xell looked around, before his eyes resting on the bed infront of him. Sure enough, she was covered with enough blankets that cold shouldn't be a problem. Getting another blanket wouldn't help most likely, and he wouldn't dare let go of her hand. So what then?
Xell opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. He blushed and cleared his throat, but grew antsy when his master writhed in her bed and let out a light groan. Her writhing left room for another body, so he sat next to her, making sure not to cause too much noise as placed his legs up next to hers.
Whatever creaking was made paled in comparison to the speed at which his heart was racing.

What was he doing? How was he going to keep his master warm, when the blankets wouldn't? He told himself his body heat would help, but he had this feeling in his heart that he was just using this chance to sit with her without being reprimanded for un-padawan-like behavior. But that wasn't it. Was it?
Xell tried to speak comforting words, but as soon as he started, his master spoke to him again.
"Hold me," She managed in Basic before she started to murmur soft words in Togruti to herself, her eyes closing and finally no more sound coming from her moving lips.

Xell face-faulted. His mouth went agape and nothing came out. He just looked around, eyes darting back and forth like frightened thimiar bouncing around a room at max speed. Even as he questioned her he felt him self slumping down into the bed next to her, his left hand on top of her left hand, which sat on her lap. Still propped up with his right hand he mulled over what to do with it and finally rest it underneath her lekku and behind her back. He lightly lifted her up some so that they were sitting up, with his right hand resting behind her right lekku and on her shoulder. His left leg nearly fell off the bed, so he moved over with one quick bounce, which caused Sherast to lean her limp, almost lifeless body over to her left... causing her left cheek to bump against Xell's before he pulled back. But only slightly.
And he stared breathlessly at her from there.

Her eyes were still closed, their noses practically touching. She muttered something in Togruti, and Xell cursed his inability to translate. Still beneath the covers (making things a bit less scandalous), his master's right leg curled up and pressed against Xell's left leg, their knees ontop of eachother.

Xell attempted to find a less awkward way for them to lay, but the only thing he could think of required him to allow her to lay her head on his chest as he lay against the headboard, embracing her. Or atleast that was the excuse he was sticking with.
So a bit more awkard movements and reconfiguring their positions, aswell as trying to guide her lekku out of his face, and that's how they lay.

"I've got you master. I've got you."

[Lemur, The Kool-Aid Guy]

Sherasti lay there weakly, not resisting any of Xell's movements. Faintly she could feel him pressed up against her, and a part of her took heart at that. In her mind she looked over to her side, and lying beside her in the red and white grass was Xell.

Soft rain was still falling, droplets forming on his glasses and on his face. His smiling, familiar face. She couldn't help but smile too, and she reached out a hand to touch his cheek, a hand that was dripping with water now. She explored it with his fingers as a part of her mind woke up.

What exactly happened came flooding back to her memory, and her eyes widened. Was this it? Was she dead, gone to another plane of existence? Or was she still there, dreaming in her bed? She didn't know which was the correct one. She was probably alive and dreaming, but what if she wasn't?

There were so many things she'd wanted to say, things she should have said. Why hadn't she ever said what she'd meant, just confessed the ways she felt? It was all so complicated but...

With him there, lying beside her in the grass, both wet from the rain it was just too much for her to bear. If she was dead there was nothing to lose by saying it. And if this was all just a dream there'd be no consequences.

She opened her mouth to speak to her dream Xell, tracing the edges of his face with her finger. "In another life... I could love you..."

His face grew dimmer, and harder to focus on. The only thing she could hear was the sound of rain falling, and the only sensation she had was of a warm body pressed to her side. If everything was over, it was a good way to end.

She closed her eyes entirely and everything went black again.

[ninjabot]

Xell couldn't believe his ears. What was she saying? Clearly she was delirious... clearly. Right? They had had this conversation, though not in so many words, multiple times and it always ended the same way. She either claimed to feel nothing for him in "that way", or claimed she couldn't. But now... now she could love him?

What happened to her to make her seek affection from someone she previously attempted to have no affection for?

"Master..."

I know what you're thinking kid. If she's this screwed up, she doesn't have the strength to fein indifference, or to downplay her own emotions. Anything you hear from her now would be unadulterated truth. But it's the wording that's throwing you off, huh?

In another life... she could love me. But this isn't another life. So...

"You can't." whispered Xell, a tone like that of a defeated warrior, submitting to fate.

Can't she though? Think about it. How many times have you guys had those sappy lingering stares, or over-long embraces? You risked your life for her pup. Most would say that comes with the occupation as a padawan, but you were not ready, and you went anyway. Girls go crazy for that kinda stuff. Especially girls that are as tightly wound as her.

Xell couldn't believe how life-like his Orren-sounding conscience was becoming. Nor how annoying. He wasn't taking the same stance Sherasti would. He was encouraging his behavior. Like he was the Dark Side whispering promises of power and violence into an impressionable Dark Jedi's ears. Is this what the Order meant by bad moral compass?

Xell returned his thought to the crimson skin angel laying next to him, caressing his face. She went limp after confessing her potentially honest emotions to him, but she wasn't groaning as before. She seemed content somehow. Xell however, wasn't.

The young padawan, slowly but surely, leaned over his docile master's body and just stared for a moment. He would never admit it to her, but the one thing that allowed him to not pursue a relationship with her as fervently as he wanted was his ability to look at her without actually looking at her. To focus on her eyes rather than those full, inviting lips. Or the curvy frame she tried so hard to hide behind unflattering robes. As if being coaxed mentally to come closer, Xell did, his breath stopping completely. He swallowed hard and looked at her closed eyes, hoping that she would open them and say something... anything, to let him know whether he should stop what he was planning, or continue.

She didn't. But Xell noticed the color of her striped lekku. Again they were a light blue along the stripes. What did that mean? She was... embarassed? How? Was this subconscious? How much of what's happening right now did she actually know was happening? How much was she allowing to happen with her own will, and how much was due to being too weak to stop it in her fragile state?

Fragile. That was the word. He couldn't do what he was thinking of doing because she wasn't whole... she was a shell of her former self, and it was that self he was enamored with. To kiss her now would be like kissing... a ghost. Or a statue in the shape of her. And she was much more than an exotic amazon to Xell. He closed his eyes and shook the thought away, taking another deep breath before opening again and muttering:

"You're gonna pull through this master. So don't feel like you have to make any drastic decisions for fear of losing the chance to. Anything you want to say to me, you say it when you're better. I'll be here. I promise."

Xell nodded to himself. That was about the best way he could have handled the situation. Atleast that was what he told himself as he stood perfectly still for what felt like forever before laying back beside his master.

[Foxfire]

Injuries were common for returning Jedi especially after conflicts with the Sith, more so lately. The latest one to be injured was a fellow Jedi he had came to think well upon. Yet when he got word about what type of injuries she had sustained the Master Healers sent him to delve into the historical and Jedi archives in preparation for him to take over after her initial stabilizing.

He had nodded solemnly to his masters and rushed to the library and the archives. He did not sleep nor eat for the whole day of learning about Drain Knowledge, well at least the basics. Mal dedicated every thing to memory seeing a few routes to help his friend back to good health. Near the end of the stint of study, he made his way back to his lab to his testing tools and found just the right equipment he needed and the right training gear to test his theories on.

He found that he could help draw the force energy to speed up the healing process. Second would be needing to rebuild and restructure the walls and pathways of the mind. So using a zero grave sand sculpture he finely tuned his mind and skills to help with the process. What bothered him was that much of the building would be on her and her will and connection to the force. Sighing Mal called for a med droid to follow and left with the healing equipment.

Upon arriving at her door Mal felt a disturbance of emotion and conflicting force signatures. Her padawan must have found out about her. Fear and pain of loosing a master would draw the wrong force type needed and influence her healing toward the dark-side of things. Nipping this in the bud now was going to be a hard thing for the padawan to realize but it was necessary.

Keying in his healer override codes the doors whooshed open revealing what he had felt the padawan was in bed. Either he was trying to comfort her or some thing else Mal just slithered in with little sound and a stern look upon his face.

Waving for the droid to take her current readings and start a IV drip to renourish her, he retrieved a set of warming lamps. the quarters were always to cold for healing. Signaling for the padawan to remove himself from her bed he set the hover heat lamps above her bed. With a low soft hum the warmed the air and the bedding below them.

In a very deep tone of basic infused with telepathic speech toward XellCalm your self child. You are not helping her to recover by letting loose your emotions. The wrong emotions bring with them the darkness of the force. Don't you remember you first rules about the force. Sadness bring pain, pain brings anger, anger brings hate, hate leads to suffering. A clear mind with the proper focus is needed to help anyone to heal.

Mal using his telekinetic power retrieved an armature for the med-droid. Placing it upon Sherasti's left arm. The droid when done with it's initial scans plugged into this armature and started and IV drip with supplement nutrients.

Adjusting himself with in the room Mal sighed deeply at the readings.

Holding on but just. You may hold on to her hand this physic connection will help. You might even meditate watching what I do but do not interfere with what am going to do. Are we clear?

Mal turned his huge hutt eyes toward Xell. Making sure that this young one knew full well that a Healer wrath is more fearsome than his own masters or any teacher he has ever had.

With the confirmation Mal lowered himself into a deep meditation and reached out in the force first to heal her body of any problems and worked on recharging her energy to tackle the second stage of the process, the healing and rebuilding of her mind.

[ninjabot]

In a very deep tone of basic infused with telepathic speech toward Xell Calm your self child. You are not helping her to recover by letting loose your emotions. The wrong emotions bring with them the darkness of the force. Don't you remember you first rules about the force. Sadness bring pain, pain brings anger, anger brings hate, hate leads to suffering. A clear mind with the proper focus is needed to help anyone to heal.

Xell wanted to protest the words that Master Konti spoke to him through his mind. He wanted to claim that he didn't know Sherasti Rin the way he did; that he could make her better. That he wanted to be the one to do it. But well-wishing and snuggling wasn't medicine by any means, and he wanted Sherasti to be well. Completely. For her sake, not just his own. Xell straightened his clothing and stepped away to allow Mal to approach the bed where Sherasti lay and, whether he imagined it or not, he could swear she winced at the absence of his warmth against her. It caused him to grimace and shake his head.

He watched as the jedi medic began preperations.

Holding on but just. You may hold on to her hand this physic connection will help. You might even meditate watching what I do but do not interfere with what am going to do. Are we clear?

Xell did as Master Konti said, hastily reaching out for Master Rin's hand. For all the sternness in the Hutt's voice and the staring down Xell was too somber to be swayed by posturing; frightening or not (though the diminutive nature of his master's caretaker certainly didn't help deter him). He would do nothing to hinder his work. He wouldn't even speak. He couldn't. All he could do is worry. So he did.

Master... please pull through. Please.

And as he worried, he grew impatient.

What's taking so long... fix her already!

And as he grew impatient, he grew angry.

If I were there I could've stopped them. I would have. I would've torn them apart. I swear.... I swear I'll find out who did this and... I'll... I'll make them pay-

Xell's hand clenched harder as he took a deep breath and pushed the negative thoughts from his head. He hated being angry. He hated thinking in a way his masters would frown upon. But he couldn't help it. He wanted her better, but almost as badly he wanted whoever did this to pay. Dearly.

[Foxfire]

Mal's force flowed out of him surrounding the jedi see her as if far above her. Her body was in great need of energy and nutrition. Slowly filtering the right amout of force and supplaments to the cluttered areas of most damaged. Working on vital areas such as the heart, lungs and other lower organs till they were able to catch up with the healing. Her muscles were the next removing the tention and slowing the pain receptors to them. He noted again her shoulder a bit of work there but he had the time.

The tendons were out of place and the muscles had reset themselves out of their orginal placements. All this was due to a bit of debrie loosened from her shoulder joint. The bone shard had cause some damage nothing that any normal person couldn't handle. Yet when in combat it would cause troble in the long run. The placement of where it had from had healed over with new bone. He took those few muscles that were attatched to it and moved them back to the new bone. Shifting the shard to a place where the med droid could get at it quickly, he taped the surgery function of the droid while still deep in the force guiding it to the left shoulder. Mal moved muscle and blood vessels to allow the droid a quick slash on the shoulder area. Removing the bone shard himself and placing it in a tray that the droid had he went back under as the droid patched the shoulder with syn flesh.

The mind was next. Here her mind was firing wildly. Reaching out with in the force he started singing in his hutt tounge of a ancient story of peace and happiness. The tune always made most calm down with in a few minutes. Yet Mal had to get calmed quickly for him to help out by connecting with her on a mental level a dream state plain. This area would often be easiest to handle for both and would help him help her settle issues and re-organize her mind to put the missing pieces of her mind back together. Flowing the nutritants to her mind via the blood vessels would also help out giving her cells a releif.

All Mal could do till her mind settled for a bit was wait and keep healing the damaged parts of her outward body till she let him in.

With in the force.....Young one were waiting to talk with you. Can you hear me? I'm here to help you, but you must calm down before we can dream talk.

[Lemur, The Kool-Aid Guy]

Through the blackness, Sherasti slowly became conscious of two things. The first was a vague stinging sensation, and the other was a noise. The stinging was omnidirectional, and seemed to come from everywhere and nowhere. Through her pained mind, it was more a color than anything else, a streak of red she could see in her mind's eye, red that slowly faded to pink before revealing itself as a large moon. And then came the noise.

Low singing echoed around her mind, a strange and unusual melody that overrode her thoughts and simply existed until it slowly lapsed away, leaving behind the fuzzy memory of it. The moon remained, and she realized it was night now on Shili, and she was staring up at the sky. It was no longer raining now, and the sky was bright and clear. But somehow everything was different.

It was then that a voice spoke to her.

Young one were waiting to talk with you. Can you hear me? I'm here to help you, but you must calm down before we can dream talk.

It was a soothing voice, and one she recognized. Mal. The Hutt healer who'd treated her once before. It old her to be calm, and so she was.

Outside her mind, her body stilled it's slow writhing movement and she lay still, though her skin remained a shade lighter than its usual deep and rich maroon. If she'd been a human ashen would have been the right word.

Back in her mind she answered aloud, as if it was all just a dream.

Yes, I hear you Mal.

[ninjabot]

Xell slowed his breathing and began to meditate on the situation at hand. He could do nothing that would hasent her healing, but as time passed he realized that he was losing himself in the current predicament. Forgetting to place faith in the Force and his elder Master Konti. What's worse was the anger that festered in him over what happened to Sherasti Rin.

Be calm. Still your storm. Let it pass. Accept that she knew the dangers before leaving you. Accept that staying behind was the right thing to do. I would've only made things worse by giving her something else to worry about.[/color]

He was no idiot. He knew what he was saying was true, and yet the pain wouldn't subside. He wanted them to see what had happened to her. To take responsibility. To be punished because they deserve it. That wasn't bad, was it? To want them to pay? Anyone that could do this should not be given the chance to do it again. Right?

What he mulled over in his head sounded dangerously like vengeance. Wrath. Not justice. And it was at that point that Xell's will was tested the most. He placed his face down in his free palm and let out a low sigh. To think that this was all it took to make him think about taking a path that not many Jedi can walk back from... it was disheartening.

The boy considered his feat against the Mandalorian's prodigeous. He somehow thought that he was ahead of the curve now that he had one trial under his belt. That he was prepared for anything that the verse had in store for him. And he had just been humbled. He just hated that fate deemed it necessary his reminder of just how insignificant in the universe he was had to be the near death of the most important person to him.

If Master Orren were here, he would say for him to use his pain rather than succumb to it. Nothing motivated a sentient quite like fear and pain. He remembered the training session fondly...

long ago, while training with Master Orren

Xell followed Master Orren to their usual training area, hand close to his lightsaber in anticipation. Just as he expected the old man swung around as he armed his lightsaber, attempting to strike him. Xell swung his arm up and blocked the blow, if only barely. And even after blocking, the boy shook uncontrollably as if he were having a heart attack.

"Fear is good for you pup. Keeps you alive, teaches you to take precautions in battle and in life. Pain is good for you too. Helps you to know what happens if you drop the ball. It also teaches you restraint. If you can relate to a man's pain, then they'll open up to you. Trust you. That's why I can push you as hard as I do. I wasn't a weaponsmaster always. Infact, I didn't have the natural inclination to hand to hand combat that they look for in most weaponsmasters."

Xell's eyes widened. This statuesque monster of a man... this warrior was once like him? He couldn't believe it.

"Well... how'd you get so... awesome?" asked the then 8 year old Xell. Orren chuckled as he removed his upper robe to reveal his sleeveless shirt adorned musculature. His arms were scarred all the way up and down, from shoulder to the back of his hands.

"Life. Battle. Experience. Get hurt enough and eventually your body will get used to it. Your mind too. You'll learn to push past the pain, or even use it to your advantage for motivation. You'll be cold to the world around you. Unphased by the loss of an ally, or blood, or limbs. You'll push past all of it and get the job done. You'll do what you're told, no questions asked. You'll be strong... focused... you'll be right.

Xell thought back to that time and realized that there was a metaphor he missed. Master Orren was a monster in battle. Strong and unstoppable in his eyes. But he payed a price for it. He looked, and sometimes acted, as if he lost something along the way that wasn't worth to losing to become the no-nonsense man that Xell knew. Was Xell willing to endure the same amount of pain, and would he be the same man he was after? He could already feel the changes in him from experiencing the near death of his master, and he didn't like the feelings it awakened in him.

[Foxfire]

Mal heard the reply faint as if from far-away. He checked the progressof her healt one last time and found it fair but raising. So slowly delving deeper into the force bringing it up he used it to make a shadow of himself within her mind.

The dream plain was a simple one. It often started off with the dreamer in a blackened space only being lit by and unseen light source. Mal moved forward in the space searching for her for that light. It took about a minute of time within the mind to find her with in the darkness. Her mind had created a bubble of her home world. Coming out of the darkness behind her into the night of Shili Mal sighed.

Well here you are. It is good to see you again, yet I wish that it was under better terms than what we have here now. So how are you feeling? I've started your healing of your body and your physical mind, but..... I need to know. How are you doing in here?

Waving his stubby arm around indicating within her mind. He knew that she would need time but he needed a prognosis of how much was missing from her past.

I have to tell you that I can heal the body but your psychy is one that I dare not you have to heal in that area. I can give guidaince. Halc taught me that much the little food monger. Do you under stand? There is some one who is a bit nervous about your current condition. So I will try my best on the outside if the try from with in.

[Lemur, The Kool-Aid Guy]

Sherasti sighed inside her mind as she stared up at the moon. It was so peaceful here in the solitude of her mind, but his voice had a grounding effect on her. What was formerly unclear was solidifying, becoming something she could recognize. She wasn't on Shili. She was in her own mind, which had chosen her adopted homeworld as her place of solace. There was better comfort to be had there than anywhere else. It was her sanctuary, but as Mal spoke it dissolved away and was replaced by blackness. Nothing existed but herself and the sound of his voice.

She found herself fully listening to his words, and realizing that yes, she was entirely in her mind. Hers was a well-disciplined, orderly, and deep one, strictly regimented and rich. Her mind was that of a telepath. That was what had made it so easy to retreat into it, what allowed her to shelter in it in this period of physical crisis.

Yet she realized she had her obligations, and a half life in the stillness of her own thoughts wasn't acceptable. And as he pointed out, there was someone waiting for her. Xell.

She owed it to him. As his master, as his friend, and- and as something more?

The Togruta Consular took a deep breath and called his name.

"Xell?"

Her lips, a curious mixture of maroon and grey moved to form the name, uttered in her lilting accent, that managed to be endearing rather then confusing, and rich, yet subtle. Her violet eyes fluttered open as well, taking in her surroundings as the recent past came back to her. Scattered bits and pieces really, flickers of this and that from the long days she'd been hovering near death.

Yes, she was stabilized now, though the sedatives she'd clearly been on had caused... other problems.

Her general awareness was improving now, and she could tell she was in her safe quarters at the Temple, and that Xell and Mal were both standing over her. Her eyes darted between them and she looked down at her arm, feeling it twinge. It was then that she noticed the synthetic flesh covering her arm.

She looked to Mal with a questioning look on her face.

"Mal?"

[ninjabot]

The Togruta Consular took a deep breath and called his name.

"Xell?"

Xell looked down at his master, tears welling up in his eyes. He managed to avoid losing composure, but she could tell he was at his wit's end.

"Hey there sleepy head." He managed before choking back a sob and clenching Master Rin's hand. He looked to Mal to see if he was having the same emotional reaction as he was. Knowing he was more calm and emotionally in tact made Xell clear his throat and focus on taking his feelings out of the equation.

Though things had gotten better, he was sure his master wasn't out of the woods yet, and it still frightened him. But something else was becoming especially apparent to him: His anger had faded out as quickly as it had manifested in him. This was why it was so important to practice impartiality to the Jedi, he deduced.

Just moments ago when Xell should have put his thoughts alone toward the recovery of his master, he wandered to a dark place. His anger and pain took control, and he wanted nothing more than vengeance. Hopefully any sense of malice had disappeared from his subconscience and no one would pick up on it. Still, it was something that he would have to meditate about later.

Xell looked to Mal again. "Well...? Is everything okay now?" asked Xell with a hint of hope in his voice.

[Foxfire]

Mal lifted his mind's focus from her and shallowed his depth of his connection to the force as he came back to awaking. He was not fully awake when the two of them started to talk. He had to make sure that her cells were handling the renewed boost to their growth and healings.

Darkness tended to like to mask it self as proper healing. Doing a final once over of her whole body and her shoulder he dragged himself from the meditative sleep of a healer's order.

Shaking his masive head....Hmm....whaa. Oh yes this thing I had been meaning to ask you about this shoulder of yours but time was never right. So since you were out for the most part and your whole body would have the need to be healed then .... as a healer who did likes anything broken or not fully functional. I decided that it needed some work as well. Mind you it won't be like it was before the damage but it will be better then it is currently.

Mal sighed shifting his current possition to a more comfortable side of his body.

I'll need to keep an eye on your progress for the next few days if you don't mind so I'll be in and out. I'll re check on your recovery in two hours. Rest now and comfort your padawaan it looks like he needs it.

[Lemur, The Kool-Aid Guy]

Sherasti smiled sheepishly at Xell as he spoke kindly to her. It was a tired smile though, a weary one that showed the stress she'd been under. Yes, she could remember the details clearly know. Blackness had taken her, and a sort of feverish dream, with voices talking to her, and her talking to them. That was a haze.

But she was safe now, in warm covers in her own room at home, the Jedi Temple. Mal was there, a familiar presence, and Xell. Her Padawan. Her devoted and loyal student, with his charming ways...

The Togruta Jedi blushed as she noticed her outer robes had been removed again, to access her arm, as Mal had just mentioned. As much as she tried, without her disguising robes she couldn't hide her figure from him. He'd seen so much of her already that she had to admit it honestly didn't matter. Nothing new was there.

The markings on her lekku returned to a more sedate color as she let herself relax.

She looked to Mal, and nodded to him as an acknowledgement to her words, but her eyes were fixed on Xell. There was something to be said between them, something not fit for the presence of outsiders. Something between him and her.

"I understand Mal," She said calmly, even though her heart was pounding in her chest as she nervously awaited the moment when they were alone together.

[Foxfire]

Mal looked at them both and nodded the words needed saying had to have some space and time. So turning and leaving the med-droid there to continue to give treatment.

I'll be near by if you need me call when your ready to have me return.

Mal left slowly making sure they were ok and left the room. Slithering down the hall way to a larger gathering room with interconnecting larger hallways Mal found a wall and layed his great mass upon it leaning heavily. All to quickly he found peace and slept for a bit.

[ninjabot]

Xell had solemnly meditated long enough that he was now able to look to his master without pain or fear. Only longing. He was glad to see her awaken and speak to them both, and even more happy to be alone again. But was it a good thing that they were alone? Could anything good come from it that they wouldn't regret later?

Xell opened his mouth to speak, but the words didn't come. Again he sqeezed at her hand as he held it to let her know he was there. How could she not know though? They were practically staring directly into eachother's souls. Eventually he said something to comfort her, as he could feel the tension in herself rise aswell.

"Hi." muttered the apprehensive Padawan finally. "You scared me." he said earnestly.

Finding out from her first hand how she felt was the important thing now. Acting on what they both felt before Mal Konti arrived however was both inappropriate... and he was sure he had his answer as to how she truly felt anyway.

In another life...

As he waited for Sherasti to reply, Xell thought about that other life and how he'd react to her current state if they were both living it. Not holding back his true emotions. Not standing around, imagining how she'd react to his advances, especially in the flattering attire she tried not to wear around him. Not seeing her in this vulnerable state and hoping she can overcome it with less emotional support than he could give her.

And as he dreamed of her reaction in the other life they both seemed to long for, he wondered what was going through her mind at the moment.

[Lemur, The Kool-Aid Guy]

Sherasti stared at Xell deeply for a very long moment, not taking her violet eyes off him as she seemingly ignored his statement. Inside her normally serene shell, a storm was brewing. Not one of darkness and lightning, but one of emotions. A whirlwind was manifesting behind the scenes in the dark recesses of her mind.

She'd almost died. There were so many things that would have been left unsaid and undone, and she'd have missed them all. But at the same time there was her loyalty to the Jedi Order trying to anchor her.

The Togruta Knight was torn, and she was physically and emotionally exhausted from her ordeal. Choosing between loyalty to the Jedi and loyalty to her own heart was too much. But she had to say something.

Tears started to trickle down her maroon cheeks, and she started to speak, honest words flowing from her lips rather than anything wise or masterly. She wasn't speaking as a Jedi, she was speaking as a woman.

"Xell..." She began softly. "I promised no secrets between us. It's time. Time to make good on what I told you."

She closed her eyes and paused, gathering her strength for the final part of what she had to say. The hardest part.

"I don't want to die without you knowing the way I feel. I care for you in more than just a master's way. It took time, but I grew to feel something more for you. No more secrets..."

The Togruta woman opened her eyes again and stared directly at Xell with a sublime look as she lay there on her bed, hands folded over her breast. With a trembling lip she made her request.

"Kiss me. Please."