Jerek Dogen

[tepigturtwig]

By any chance, do you know what the admins are doing right now with my post? Are they on a voting phase, or checking the canon, or something? 

[tepigturtwig]

Are there any aspects of the forum I can use this character on other than practice duels?

[Fromikeable]

Yo. I'm gonna' break convention for a minute here and start with your Bio:

• How did Jerek's parents get to Tython? There's nowhere for them to settle on the planet; the only inhabited place is the Temple there, and it's not exactly taking in refugees. They would most likely be handed off to the Republic, who would in turn find space for them elsewhere.
• Regardless of where his parents are, Jerek is definitely not allowed to see them. Handing over your kid to the Jedi Order is "goodbye", not "see you soon". Parents only do it if they are completely willing to relinquish their child, and in turn, the kid is usually too young to really remember their family. Space monks are like that, I'm afraid.
• Padawan selection really isn't a predetermined thing. Yes, there are tests to demonstrate basic aptitude (really just making sure younglings were paying attention during their lessons), but overall, it's completely up to Knights and Masters if they want a padawan. To say that Jerek was "on the path to the Medical Corps" is a bit harsh; the Jedi regard the academic as highly as they regard the combative. If no one was coming forward to take him, that's fine, but to say that it was all because he was bad with lightsabers probably isn't quite true.
• A couple of things about Nar Shaddaa. First off, it's a Hutt world, so there shouldn't be any Republic factories or personnel or... anything there. Second, it's an extraordinarily dangerous planet, and unless Jerek's master really wanted to pull him through a brutal test, he could easily have left the padawan behind long enough to complete the mission solo. Lastly, I'm not sure why his master's death would count as a Trial of Flesh considering Jerek himself didn't actually get hurt. It sounds more like a Trial of Spirit, in that Jerek had to deal with a very personal and untimely death.
• Again, the Council doesn't really choose masters for padawans. They can make suggestions (i.e. tap someone on the shoulder and go "hey, we got this padawan we think would be perfect for you, go talk to them and see"), but ultimately taking on a student is the decision of the individual. This Twi'lek healer master would have to choose Jerek of her own volition.
• Last but not least, Jerek's starting to get a little old for a padawan at 24. It's not unheard of, but think of the Trials like college; you start when you're 18, and you try to get out in your early 20's. Obviously everyone does it a little differently (some people have trouble with particular Trials, for example), but the point I'm making is that they should be Jerek's number one priority at the moment.

Alrighty. With those done, a few more points.

• For Status, you can just put "Consular". We know by virtue of him being a padawan that he's still in training.
• Your Appearance is pretty short. I'd ask that it at least be a solid paragraph.
• I recognize that Jerek's not exactly an athlete, but giving him Feeble Strength and Agility almost suggest that there's some physical issues in his physiology. I would bump both of those up to "Below Average"; Feeble is the equivalent of this guy being handicapped, unless that's what you're going for.
• For Fore Training, you've got way too many skills for a 24 year-old. Think of a specialized Force skill like learning a saber technique; they require years upon years of study to get. As a rule, you really need to be a padawan or higher to start learning them. Ergo, I'd say Jerek could be a Novice at one of your choosing. The rest need to go until he's older.
• It's a requirement for padawans to master Shii-Cho before they're granted Knighthood. Ergo, by this age, despite the lack of focus, he should at least be an Expert by now. Otherwise he really is headed for the Medical Corps.

That's all I got for ya'. Lemmie know when you're done!

[tepigturtwig]

Thanks for the post, it helped. However, there are a few things that you find issue with that I can explain.

A heavy loss actually can be counted as the Trial of Flesh. Wookiepedia the Jedi Trials and you will see what I mean. Also, Jerek never sees his parents. Since they live on Tython, they would probably view him from a distance. Also, you inadvertently answered why he is still a padawan at 24: he has not mastered Shii-Cho. Oh, and thanks for telling me he doesn't need a master, I thought he did. In fact, I actually didn't even want to mention her, since his story should be about learning the force, not blowing through the Jedi ranks. 

I made a few tweaks to him, but, I'm sorry, I can't nerf his force abilties that hard. I did bring them all to apprentice at max, except his big thing: healing. I also changed parts of the bio you wanted me to change that I did not justify above, and I decided to ramp up the Shi-Cho to a believable level. I gave the backstory some reasoning to why he is not prioritizing the trials and why his Shi-Cho is not at expert. I hope Jerek is eligible to some roleplay, because I sent a few mission ideas to Rugs (so helpful, that man) that I really want him to be part of.

Anyway, thanks for reading, I really appreciate the help.

[Fromikeable]

Small amendment: one of those was admittedly a mistake. I meant to say he had too much in Force Training. His normal Force Stats were completely fine. I apologize for being unclear there.

[tepigturtwig]

Alright, thank you. I took out all but two of his force trainings. Is it fine if I have two really basic ones. I don't think emanating a calming aura is that op.

[tepigturtwig]

Is there anything I can do while I wait?

[Rugs]

Alright, I'll be picking this up for Fro to get you finished up. Just a couple of quick hits

The Jedi try to minimize familial contact. That allows attachments, which are dangerous, in their eyes. Now, it's possible that his travels may bring him to contact with his family. Stuff happens. But certainly wouldn't let them live in a Temple if they're not part of the Order. They'd probably get set up elsewhere.

I should also note, while Tython had people living there, the temple itself wasn't completed (in our canon) until very very recently. You may want to rearrange that to Coruscant, or one of the other temple worlds such as Dantooine, or Mustafar, which is currently verdant. That's all I got for the bio

For state, just list his shii-cho as adept Set Healing at Adept. He's still young to have an expert rank.

When you say biotech, what do you mean? You talking like pure medical applications (he seems to be sorta healerish) or more along the lines of augmentation?


That's it, really. Knock those out and you're good to go

[tepigturtwig]

I am talking about purely medical, and I'll take out the two bio errors in one stone.

[tepigturtwig]

Changes were made.

[Rugs]

Approved

Equipment:

Green Lightsaber. Outfitted with a latch to cling onto his sleeve, or he would lose it to one strike from a foe.


Stats: (Feeble, Below Average, Average, Above Average, Superior, Legendary)



Strength -Below Average
Agility - Below Average
Intelligence - Superior
Charisma - Above Average


Force Stats: (Unskilled, Novice, Apprentice, Adept, Expert, Master)

Telekinetic Adept
Telepathic- Adept
Body- Unskilled
Sense- Apprentice
Protection- Apprentice
Healing:– Adept
Destruction– Unskilled


Combat Training: (Unskilled, Novice, Apprentice, Adept, Expert, Master)
None


Force Training: (Unskilled, Novice, Apprentice, Adept, Expert, Master)
Force Control Pain: Novice, Force of Peace Aura: Novice,

Other Training: (Unskilled, Novice, Apprentice, Adept, Expert, Master)

Biotech: Novice, Slicing: Novice

Lightsaber Training: (Untrained, Novice, Apprentice, Adept, Expert, Master, Specialist)

Shii-Cho- Adept
Makashi- Untrained
Soresu- Untrained
Ataru- Untrained
Shien/Djem So- Untrained
>>Sub-form Backhanded-
Niman- Novice
>>Sub-form Jar-kai- Untrained
Juyo- Untrained
Double Bladed Combat- Untrained

[tepigturtwig]

Thanks Rugs! Do you know where I can do some Jedi temple rp?