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last online Jun 4, 2023 4:58:38 GMT -5
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Apr 11, 2010 22:56:52 GMT -5
Post by Talau the Ever-Lurking on Apr 11, 2010 22:56:52 GMT -5
She’d listened silently as he spoke and had to admit that he had a point. A sigh escaped her and she watched him prepare to leave, and then begin to walk away. If he stepped out that door…what then? The confused woman lowered her head a bit and closed her eyes, reaching out to the force as well as looking within.
Scared…I…I suppose I am. I don’t know what might come of this or if it’s right. I'm confused and lost, Theron, and everything is so unclear that I don’t even know what feels right to me any more…not fully.
One hand reached up to grip the opposite upper arm as her eyes gazed, unfocused, at the soft cream-colored carpet. She didn’t bother turning to face him this time, if he left she would know it, but so far he hadn’t…so far. Carefully she kept her emotions quiet…just enough for him to sense if he chose, without being overbearing. Sihara herself was testing them, sifting through them still, to try and figure out just what she wanted…to sort out just how she felt.
I didn’t mean to have it sound like I was attempting to make a decision for you…I just…I am concerned about you, Therron…I…care about you and I only know how I feel now, all the turmoil my leaving the Order has left me in. I just don’t want you to feel the same thing…it isn’t a pleasant feeling. It…hurrts...but, maybe you’rre already feeling that by staying. I don’t know…
I just know that I…I don’t want you to leave…especially not because my fearr made me foolishly drrive you away.
For another few moments she stood like that, working to accept the still loitering pain from leaving the Order, as well as the new and slightly unexpected fear that came from her feelings for Theron and the fact that she might well have succeeded in pushing him away. That had been her original intention, after all, hadn’t it? To push him away to help him stay with the Jedi and (hopefully) with the light? Yes…that had been the intention…why, then, did the thought that it might have worked hurt her so? Because she cared about him…she didn’t WANT to push him away, but some part of her mind had told her it would be better for him even if it hurt her…so she’d followed through with it. Now that he was at the door, prepared to leave and not look back…she was having second thoughts.
Frustration roiled through her…frustration at herself and the whole situation. There were a great many emotions she dealt with daily, ones she could accept, and deal with, and understand…even love…but that was love for a padawan, and compassion…love for others as a whole…not this. She didn’t understand this…this kind of deep caring, like what she felt for Theron, it made no sense to her and made her act stupidly, and say stupid things…things that made no sense. Her pushing him away was the best example of that: it made no sense and was foolish. He was certainly more than capable of understanding what might or might not be right for him…obviously more so than she was capable of doing for herself. Yes, Sihara was certainly beginning to have doubts about if she knew in the slightest what was good for her. That brought one, rueful, chuckle and a slight shake of her head as she rubbed her upper arm a few times.
Forrgive me forr acting so foolishly Therrron…
Slowly that trill had started to work its way back into her words without her even noticing it as she slowly worked at accepting her emotions, and laying out the truth of them (as best she could at the moment) for Theron. Dusky red features remained closed off, an almost stony neutral though her eyes glinted oddly from time to time as she shifted her weight. If he was going to leave, she wouldn’t stop him…Sihara knew she would want to, that all of her would beg her to stop him, but she wouldn’t. Some mistakes couldn’t be undone, the togruta woman just hoped that he had caught her mistake before too much damage had been done…that even a little of it could be reversed.
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Vex
A Self-styled computer geek that moonlights as a G.I. Joe.
1,014 posts
2 likes
Proud bearer of the "Polish Stalker Badge".
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last online May 21, 2018 17:30:54 GMT -5
Master
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Apr 26, 2010 20:42:04 GMT -5
Post by Vex on Apr 26, 2010 20:42:04 GMT -5
Theron stood there, at the door, his head bowed a bit as he paused, listening to her words. It wasn't that he didn't understand her indecision or her fear. Clearly, he could and did, because this situation was every bit as new and unsettling for him as it was for her. The tension in him eased slightly, relaxing , relaxing as she apologized and slowly, reluctantly, spoke out about how she felt...opened herself up to that vulnerability.
He knew he was in trouble. He felt himself teetering every day...the footing he found was anything but stable, yet he couldn't find a way off the ledge he'd led himself to. He wasn't ignorant of the fact that he was walking that line...but he found himself unable to react in any manner than that which he was and had been. It wasn't being very Jedi of him. Perhaps that was why the though of that change, of breaking from the Order, was not as vicious a Sword of Damocles hanging over his head as it was for her.
All he knew was that, right now, he felt more sure-footed here, with her, than he did by himself. The Order...the only home he could remember, wasn't offering the solace and comfort he needed. No...he was struggling and losing by himself, even surrounded by his peers there. Yet here, in this room, wrapped in her presence, feeling her warmth, he did not feel so isolated.
He could tell how hard this was for her...despite the stony, implacable visage she put forth, that trill to her words highlighted the emotion she felt every bit as brightly as those glinting eyes and shifting form. By this point, he'd turned his head slightly, a crimson glance given over that shoulder to regard her as she fidgeted.
Finally turning back toward her, he'd push his hood back once more, revealing that tattooed visage. He let his aura reach out, brushing against hers tentatively, but letting her make the next decision. His arms had crossed over his chest while he listened, but he let them relaxed finally and rest there at his sides as he spoke simple words with complex meaning.
"Tell me then...what do you want?"
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last online Jun 4, 2023 4:58:38 GMT -5
Master
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Apr 26, 2010 21:57:00 GMT -5
Post by Talau the Ever-Lurking on Apr 26, 2010 21:57:00 GMT -5
Even as she fell silent, the turu-grass woman heard the clamor of the force around her like a thousand birds calling out in the deep jungles, felt it rushing through her blood with the force of a swollen river, drumming against her senses like a mighty waterfall…but for all that she could hear and feel and sense, she couldn’t hear what it said to her. Rarely had she ever experienced this from the force, the sweeping tide of it threatening to pull her under as it tugged at the edges of her presence. Kain’s death had been the first, and most memorable, time…the first time she’d ever TRULY felt lost. She’d succumb to the undertow of the force at that time though…lost herself, if only for a few moments, to the darkness beneath the surface. Sihara had won against its strong pull, but it crept up on her at times, roaring like the ocean at the edges of her senses until she focused herself in the correct direction once more. Other times were like this one…similar…disorienting…powerful and with a hidden danger or message that she couldn’t grasp, threatening to send her off whatever path she was on at the time.
But what “path” was she really on right now?
She WAS lost in that jungle, wading into the swift and strong currents of that river just below that crushing waterfall. Was she past the rapids, or was she headed toward them? She didn’t know…couldn’t see what course this river was taking or where it might lead and the lost wanderer didn’t know if she wished to find out or not. Sihara strove to make out the calls of the birds, to hear if they were calling out danger or singing in joy, tried to gauge the flow and danger of that river by its pull, attempted to push her senses past that waterfall to see if the worst rapids were behind her or if they were further on.
That was when Theron’s being touched hers, brushing against it tentatively, like a ray of light through the thick leaves of the jungle trees. It was surprisingly warm and gentle, even through the almost oppressive cacophony the force had wrapped around her. It shone against her senses, glinting in the swift flow of that river and sparkling off of the mist the waterfall created, dazzling her mental eyes as a rainbow of birds sang happily in the trees above her.
…and suddenly…the din the force was creating didn’t seem so horrendous.
…the river didn’t seem so strong or so swift.
…the waterfall was pleasing to her senses.
“Tell me then…what do you want?”
Her eyes had closed as she’d been wrapped in what she was doing, but as he spoke, those eyes opened again…showing a bit of the jungle she’d just been wandering in, glimmers of golden light peeking through the thick green leaves. Turning her head to gaze back at him, she was silent for a long moment, radiating out to him what she’d seen, what she’d just been through in the way she’d seen it…as physical images, emotions…meaning…
His touch was returned by her own presence…warm and gentle as that ray of light he’d shone across her dark jungle…and then she wrapped him up in it, surrounded him with it softly.
I want you to stay, Therrron.
Like his question, her answer was simple…but only in word, not in meaning.
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