Derc Jansar

[Derc Jansar]

Race:Human Male

Name:Derc Jansar

Age:23

Height:6'0

Weight:175

Appearance: Normal Sized man has a buzz cut black hair brown eyes has some what tan skin. Has a cybernetic left arm has red body plate armor. Along with the rest of his armor his wrist plates can extend a vibro dagger. He has bandolier that has emp and concussion grenades.A belt that has a survival pack next to leg plates he has two custom heavy sith pistols his helmet is used for a breathe mask communicator and night/heat vision. goggles picture link to picture of armor
www.atombender.de/swgwiki/images/thumb/5/54/BH_Armor.jpg/125px-BH_Armor.jpg

Birth place: Bespin

Profession: Bounty Hunter

Bio: Derc Jansar a man that came from an human Bespin average family his life had nothing out of the ordinary. His father a freighter pilot and mother a doctor. That was until his mother and father died while fighting Murder that tried to kill Derc Jansar. Derc Jansar sprinted away from the murder as Derc Jansar was looking from some where to hide. A man in black cloaked hood grabbed Jansar and took him onto a dark alley. That man would be his mentor and his worst enemy. The man in dark hood went by the name Lee. Lee was cruel who forced Derc into life of slavery and crime. During this time Derc learned from Lee the bounty hunter trade. Derc was told every day to clean Lee's weapons and amour restock them then guard his ship. One day when Lee was sleeping so Derc got a fiber wire and wrapped it around Lee neck until Lee stopped moving completely.

Derc went on and stole all Lee equipments and credits and started to make his own living. Jansar went to Nar Shadda for employment into the exchange. His employments into the exchange lead him to become a bounty hunter. His first bounty leads to his arm being removed by a Rodian jedi. Derc Jansar had launched a hail fire of lasers directed at the jedi. The jedi started to run for cover as the jedi Derc Jansar threw a concussion grenade after the explosion he heard a horrific scream. Derc Jansar walked to the jedi position to finis him of personally. The jedi was smart and used the horrific scream to lore Derc Jansar into his trap. The Jedi did one swift motion which lead to Derc Jansar arm to be cut off. Derc Jansar screamed in pain as in one last attempt to kill the jedi. He extend his vibroblade from his wrist plate and stabbed the jedi right between his eyes. As the vibroblade returned in wrist plate he desperately needed medical attention. Derc Jansar returned to the exchange to collect the bounty and use that money to buy a new arm. Now Derc Jansar is a colder harder man just trying to make his name around the galaxy.


Skills: Dueling, Computer Use, Rapid shot

Ship Name: Pit Bull

Ship Details: The pit bull is a medium sized that ship that can hold up to twelve people.The Pit Bull can carry eight prisoners four crew members and a speeder that fit four people. The Pit Bull is equipped with two rotatable high caliber laser canons. Those cannons are located in front of the pit bull the ship is also equipped with a high powered energy shield. The Pit Bull also has two concussion missile launcher in front of the ship. Each of those missile launchers can launch multiple missiles both missile launchers can hold two dozen missiles.

[Jenno]

Hmm, although I'm not in charge of this kinda thing. Here's a few things I think you should improve on maybe?

The main the thing is just expansion on what you've written. I mean you've just said 'came from an average family' expain what that average family was like? 'Average family' is different on each world. And the main thing, your guy has a Cybernetic arm, and you merely put 'Jansar whole left arm was serverd in his first bounty leading him to have cybernetic arm' I mean, come on, you've have created a great opportunity for a small character story, if only to get yourself into your character. I mean, my character's got the same sort of thing, and I've gone quite in depth about it. I'm not saying do what I do, but maybe just explain the mission. You should try and do that for most of the areas so far.

And also, just try and neaten up on your grammar and spelling a little bit, check things over slowly, k?

'Jansar whole left arm was serverd in his first bounty leading him to have cybernetic arm'

to

'Jansar's whole left arm was severed in his first bounty leading him to have a cybernetic arm'

Just trying to help.

[Corstar]

Again, your grammar is...not so great.

You run sentences on or you cut them off too short. I may be a grammar nazi, but if I'm going to be roleplaying with you, should I expect better when you're doing things ICly?