Jazen x Kella

[Kella]

Well, we here at SWU believe iron sharpens iron. That's why we (or maybe just me?) are so excited about the RPM section. I especially would love to get this section humming, or at least just plodding along, again. So, in order to generate some buzz (and by that I probably mean spam the recent posts list), Jazen has very graciously agreed to indulge me in a mutual feedback fest. :3

'course, this won't change any of the other RPM threads, and it's structure will be a smidge different, just 'cause both parties will be providing feedback.

And all this is assuming anyone other than Jazen will actually read this. >.> Hm. <.<

Anyway, enough dawdling out of me. D<

Character Name: Sellah Bellae
Character Source: The lovely SWU
Character Faction/Alignment: Jedi (Linkage below v)

IC//

The life of a Jedi was rather busy. There was always some type of mission or training to attend to. So, sometimes people forgot that Jedi have to do the same things everyone else has to do.

Like eat. Earlier that day, Sellah had been snagged to accompany the Coruscanti police on a few high-risk arrests. It wasn't uncommon for her to lend an hour or two, during her time stationed at the Temple. The arrests had gone as expected.

Sellah usually preferred to eat at the Temple, as it was more practical and did not involve having to get expense-approval. However, sometimes eating out was necessary, as it was now, when she was voraciously hungry and the Temple was still two hours away even by train.

Out of habit, Sellah kept almost-paranoid tabs on everything else in the Cafe. There was one person ahead of her in the line to order, who was taking far too long to decide whether or not he wanted whipped cream in his cacao, and four behind her; two near-human or human males, a Mirilian, and a... gender-ambiguous scaly-faced thing.

The rest of the cafe was only moderately busy; about a third of the small circular tables were occupied. Sellah did not have so clear a view of the patio, which extended the seating area by about fifteen feet and was separated from the indoors by a glass window. There were three staffers scrambling back and forth behind the counter, and a few more beyond the swinging-doors in the kitchen.

Sellah's muzzle twitched. She didn't particularly enjoy being in cafes. She had an extremely acute sense of smell, though it wasn't that there were unpleasant odors -- quite the opposite. Sellah didn't like that she tended to drool.

As she was starting to do now. Her tail swished impatiently, and she absent-mindedly twisted her bangles around her wrist. Finally, it was her turn and she efficiently ordered three Krat-fish flanks, after confirming that no, the cafe could not just sell her the fish raw.

She was just turning to find a table, when the cacao-man came back, face red. He was probably displeased about something. In his haste, he tripped over his feet, falling towards Sellah. The Selonian, being the Jedi that she was, reacted quickly enough to catch the man by the shoulders and push him back upright.

His face only got redder.

"How dare you touch me!" he screamed. Sellah was almost impressed by the level of volume coming from such a scrawny man.

"I was preventing you from falling," she said flatly.

"I was not falling! I was under completely control!" The man yelled, brandishing his cacao cup at her. The noise drew the attention of almost every person in the cafe. "Well," he sputtered, displeased by Sellah's lack of reaction, "Apologize!"

Sellah just stared at him blankly.

[Jazen]

Character Name: Shine Albartos
Character Source: The one and only SWU
Character Faction/Alignment: Fringe Smuggler (Link below as well)

The great thing about being a smuggler was that you got tot visit many different worlds, many different people, many different cultures. Each planet was exotic in its own right, whether it be a massive city landscape, a lush forest or an endless farming plain. Its people were usually the same in that regard. It made all the bad deals, the double crosses, the days spend healing after a brawl or shootout worth it. Oh, and the freedom of flying and all the interesting, not trying to shoot him people.

Still, seeing the sight of Coruscant always sent a shudder down his spine. An entire planet, turned into a sprawing metropolis, filled with billions on millions of people, of every race and species. Where a man or woman could go to have a good time in hundreds of different ways or, as some people he knew did, disappear in a thousand different ways.

Luckily for Shine, a reason to disappear had yet to pester his existence. So logically, since he wasn't trying to hide, his reason for being in one of Coruscant's more upstanding establishments was to enjoy a simple drink and to admire the common citizen that wandered Coruscant's streets, with all their worries compounded to the more simple aspects of like. Oh, he knew there were likely others like himself, or possibly worse, mingling amongst those streets like the predator hidden amongst the cattle.

Still, he was here to relax, not to worry about the things he had come to get away from for now. As it were, he had just gotten a steamed cup of cacao and a chocolate nerf paw, found a seat that gave him a full view of an exit and most of the patrons, and settled in to it to look over the daily holonews that every stall offered.

The places was filled with several races Shine was not familiar with; heard about maybe, but never had the pleasure of interacting with. In particular, his eyes had locked on what appeared to him to be a...a...human sized otter. At least, that was the nearest creature he could compare the being to. The large mammal...he couldn't tell yet if it was male or female...didn't look to be happy to be here. Intriguing to say the least; why come to a place if it displeased you to that extent?

Then again, reading the expressions and the body language of a non-human was always a tricky thing. They could have similar reactions to stimuli like humans, or what might be considered a nervous twitch in a human might be amusement in another species entirely.

Shine had just started to tear into his nerf paw when a shout from the cafe front drew his attention there. A man was yelling at the otter, a woman he could tell now as she spoke in a calm tone towards the man, apparently livid over the fact that she had deemed herself worthy to touch him. Shine had to fight the overwhelming desire to roll his eyes. Non-human haters; bunch of idiots if Shine had ever met them. Honestly, some of the most amazing people Shine had met were non-human, at least in some aspects. They seriously needed a good wake up call.

Sighing, Shine took his cacao and drank it down fast. Oh, bad idea, that stuff was HOT! Biting back the urge to curse about his moment of stupidity, Shine rose from his seat and made his way forward to where the altercation was taking place. Placing his hand on the man's shoulder, Shine smiled and politely addressed him. "Hey there now, why don't you give the lady a break? From what I saw, she was just trying to keep you from making an idiot of yourself. A shame though, that despite her efforts, you're doing just that.

Now, how about I buy you that drink you want and you just...move along and forget about this whole thing, hmmmm?" Of course, his other hand was near his side, ready to grab his blaster in the worst case, still ready in the near worse case to knock the man flat.

[Kella]

Ooc// Okay here goes. :3

Jan 29, 2012 16:34:01 GMT -5 Jazen said:

The great thing about being a smuggler was that you one got to visit many different worlds, many different people, many different cultures. ((This feels more redundant than parallel -- either vary the adjective 'different' for each one, or just say 'many different worlds, peoples, and cultures'. Each planet was exotic in its own right, whether it be a massive city landscape, a lush forest or an endless farming plain. Its people were usually the same in that regard. ((The people were endless farming plains? :/ The pronouns are getting you here, maybe more like 'The people of the galaxy were similarly diverse.)) It made all the bad deals, the double crosses, the days spend healing after a brawl or shootout worth it. (('It' did? What did?)) Oh, and the freedom of flying and all the interesting, not trying to shoot him people. ((The freedom and people did what? There's no verb here. Also, the 'not trying to shoot him' bit is cluttered, perhaps more like 'The people made the trouble worthwhile -- at least, the ones that weren't trying to shoot him.))

Still, seeing the sight of Coruscant always sent a shudder down his spine. An entire planet, turned into a sprawing metropolis, filled with billions on millions (('billions on millions' just sounds awkward to me, so unless it's a legitimate figure of speech (I miss these things sometimes xD) then I'd recommend just saying 'billions and billions'.)) of people, of every race and species. Where a man or woman could go to have a good time in hundreds of different ways or, as some people he knew did, disappear in a thousand different ways. ((Another somewhat confusing sentence fragment. :/ And a bit awkwardly phrased. The key parts of the sentence are too spaced out; they need to be closer. 'Coruscant was as great a place for a good time, as it was to just disappear. Shine knew people who had done both.' or some such.))

Luckily for Shine, a reason to disappear had yet to pester his existence. ((Why is it lucky? Why is a reason to disappear a pestering? These things don't really follow. Some people want nothing more to disappear. An 'as it were' would fit better than 'luckily' here, I think. Or, better yet, just 'But Shine had no reason to disappear.')) So logically, since he wasn't trying to hide, his reason for being in one of Coruscant's more upstanding establishments was to enjoy a simple drink and to admire the common citizen that wandered Coruscant's streets, with all their worries compounded to the more simple aspects of like. ((This isn't -technically- a run-on, but it feels like one. :/ First off, that's not the only logical reason, unless you allude back to what I mentioned earlier, i.e. 'Since Shine wasn't on Coruscant to disappear, he decided to take advantage of the good time.' Also, you'd want to say 'compounded on' instead of 'compounded to'.)) Oh, he knew there were likely others like himself, or possibly worse, mingling amongst those streets like the predator hidden amongst the cattle.((You need to signal the contrast here, perhaps with a 'though' or a 'however' or 'but he was hardly ignorant'. But saying 'like himself' doesn't really make sense when you've already made the point that he doesn't like the backstabbing and he's just here for a nice drink. Also, It seems you're trying to stay away from 'wolf in sheep's clothing', but the effect is really lost by avoiding it. :/ ))

Still, he was here to relax, not to worry about the things he had come to get away from for now. As it were, he had just gotten a steamed cup of cacao and a chocolate nerf paw, found a seat that gave him a full view of an exit and most of the patrons, and settled in to it to look over the daily holonews that every stall offered.

The places was filled with several races Shine was not familiar with; heard about maybe, but never had the pleasure of interacting with. In particular, his eyes had locked on what appeared to him to be a...a...human sized otter. At least, that was the nearest creature he could compare the being to. The large mammal...he couldn't tell yet if it was male or female...didn't look to be happy to be here.((Either 'look to be happy' or 'look happy to be there' -- and actually preferably 'at the cafe' so you avoid the here/there narrator conundrum.)) Intriguing to say the least; why come to a place if it displeased you to that extent?

Then again, reading the expressions and the body language of a non-human was always a tricky thing. They could have similar reactions to stimuli like humans, ((You have both 'similar' and 'like', which is redundant.)) or what might be considered a nervous twitch in a human might be amusement in another species entirely. ((Here 'another species entirely' doesn't fit, because what you -mean- is to say it could be another -emotion- entirely. You've already established you're talking about another species, so it's redundant.))

Shine had just started to tear into his nerf paw when a shout from the cafe front drew his attention there. A man was yelling at the otter, a woman he could tell now ((The phrasing is awkward here; 'who he could now tell was a woman'.)) as she spoke in a calm tone towards the man, apparently livid over the fact that she had deemed herself worthy to touch him. ((Here, 'apparently livid' is actually still describing Sellah, grammatically. You need a 'who was' in there, to break the parallelism and show you're modifying 'the man'.)) Shine had to fight the overwhelming desire to roll his eyes. ((Why can't he just roll his eyes? xD)) Non-human haters; -- bunch of idiots if Shine had ever met them. Honestly, Some of the most amazing people Shine had met were non-human, at least in some aspects. They seriously needed a good wake up call. (('They'? Who? Grammatically, you're saying the 'amazing people' need a wake-up call.))

Sighing, Shine took his cacao and drank it down fast. Oh, bad idea, that stuff was HOT! Biting back the urge to curse about his moment of stupidity, Shine rose from his seat and made his way forward to where the altercation was taking place. Placing his hand on the man's shoulder, Shine smiled and politely addressed him. "Hey there now, why don't you give the lady a break? From what I saw, she was just trying to keep you from making an idiot of yourself. A shame though, that despite her efforts, you're doing just that.

"Now, how about I buy you that drink you want and you just...move along and forget about this whole thing, hmmmm?" Of course, his other hand was near his side, ready to grab his blaster in the worst case, still ready in the near worse case to knock the man flat.(('Ready' is redundant here, though it should be 'worst' both times. Also, not sure if touching the guy who just freaked out about getting touched was the best idea. xD))

Just a formatting bit -- when you c/p the elipses from Word, or wherever, they lose the space on either side, which does not look good. :/ If I'm making posts for SWU, I like to type them up in notepad or wordpad instead of Word so I can avoid those silly formatting things.

Anywho, Let's get this show on the road. >D And don't forget to give me feedback! Ravage my posts. Tear them apart. I need some good constructive criticism.

---

IC// Sellah warily eyed the man who approached, a near-human or human with feline eyes. He reached out a hand to touch the cacao-man, and Sellah started to say something in warning, but it was too late. The cacao-man bristled, twisting and throwing the other man's arm off.

"Do not, touch me!" He bellowed, then hurled the cup of cacao he'd been carrying at the other man. "You think you can suck up to me? Bribe me into accepting this... this... THIS!" He made a wide gesture at the whole cafe. "I am taking my business somewhere else! To a place that appreciates purity of atmosphere!"

And with that, the cacao-man stalked out of the cafe.

The manager, who was standing behind the cash register, looked mortified.

"Good riddance," said the man who was next to order, with a voice that carried through the whole cafe in a ripple of nods and muttered agreement. The manager relaxed, and a few moments later, an apologetic waitress emerged with a mop and bucket for the puddle on the floor, and a stack of paper towels for the cat-eyed man.

Sellah simply nodded at the waitress, neither warm nor bothered, and gingerly stepped around the puddle -- a path which took her right next to the cat-eyed man -- on her way to go find a seat.

[Jazen]

The sudden and abrupt reaction that the man threw Shine's way caught him completely by surprise. Part of him should have expected that kind of reaction from the skittish man. The other part, the part that wasn't surprised, knew that touching the man had probably been a bad move. Nothing to do for it now but see where this led the situation.

The man's snap response did serve a good purpose, one that Shine used to his advantage. Now that the initial shock of being blown off like that was over, Shine was thinking clearly again. So when the man threw his cup of cacao at Shine, the slippery smuggler had already scooted to the side so the liquid harmlessly splashed on the ground behind him.

"Hey now, I was just trying to be nice. But if you're gonna be like that..."

Shine didn't get a chance to finish as the man exploded once again, then stormed violently out of the cafe, the rage weeping off his body in waves. Shine didn't need to be a Jedi to see that. Shine watched the man until he was long out of sight, then shook his head and turned to look at the manager. The man looked like someone had just walked in with a blaster and shot up the place. Actually, that was a pretty good way to describe what happened. Minus the shooting and property damage.

A man uttered a "good riddance" off to Shine's left, a sentiment that echoed throughout the cafe. Shine found himself nodding as well before he shrugged his shouldered and turned towards the otter-lady that the man had freaked out at in the first place. It was at this point that a waitress appeared beside him, carrying the supplies she would need to clean up this mess. When she offered Shine a set of towels, Shine rose a questionable eyebrow...until he realized that some of the cacao had managed to hit him.

Taking the towels with a smile and a words of thanks, Shine started dabbing the soaked portion of his outfit. Movement made him glance towards its source, to see the otter-lady stepping around the puddle to move past him, likely to find a seat. Smiling, Shine acknowledged her with a nod. "Man must have had something funny in his cacao. He's a little bit on the twitchy side it seems.

He didn't manage to hurt you in any way did he? Man like that has a tendency to shoot off hurtful words without even knowing it...or caring."

[Kella]

Jan 31, 2012 23:51:29 GMT -5 Jazen said:

The sudden and abrupt reaction that the man threw Shine's way caught him completely by surprise. ((Caught who by surprise? ;] Grammatically, it's the other guy.)) Part of him should have expected that kind of reaction from the skittish man. The other part, the part that wasn't surprised, knew that touching the man had probably been a bad move.((So, he -should- have known it was a bad move... and he -did-... but he did it anyway? :/ There's not really enough contrast between the two 'parts' here for it to work. Maybe part of him was working out of habit, or he just wasn't thinking ahead, etc.)) Nothing to do for it now but see where this led the situation. ((Vague pronouns get me too, which is really the main reason I point them out whenever I see them. Here, it's not totally clear what 'this' refers to.))

The man's snap response did serve a good purpose, one that Shine used to his advantage. Now that the initial shock of being blown off like that((Like what? And less blown off as... exploded at. xD)) was over, Shine was thinking clearly again. So when the man threw his cup of cacao at Shine, the slippery smuggler had already scooted to the side so the liquid harmlessly splashed on the ground behind him.

"Hey now, I was just trying to be nice. But if you're gonna be like that..."

Shine didn't get a chance to finish as the man exploded once again, then stormed violently out of the cafe, the rage weeping ((This... is an interesting mental image. xD Not sure if it's what you were going for. Or did you mean sweeping? Though, I'd recommend emanating or rolling.)) off his body in waves. Shine didn't need to be a Jedi to see that. Shine watched the man until he was long out of sight, then shook his head and turned to look at the manager. The man looked like someone had just walked in with a blaster and shot up the place. Actually, that was a pretty good way to describe what happened. Minus the shooting and property damage.

A man uttered a "good riddance" off to Shine's left, a sentiment that echoed throughout the cafe. Shine found himself nodding as well before he shrugged his shoulders and turned towards the otter-lady that the man had freaked out at in the first place. It was at this point that a waitress appeared beside him, carrying the supplies she would need to clean up this mess. When she offered Shine a set of towels, Shine rose a questionable eyebrow...until he realized that some of the cacao had managed to hit him.

Taking the towels with a smile and a words of thanks, Shine started dabbing the soaked portion of his outfit. ((I totally get the writing progression here, but, how would he not notice if part of him were soaked with a hot beverage? xD Also, 'outfit' is a -very- feminine noun. X) 'Clothes' would probably carry the desired manliness here.)) Movement made him glance towards its source, to see the otter-lady stepping around the puddle to move past him, likely to find a seat. Smiling, Shine acknowledged her with a nod. "Man must have had something funny in his cacao. He's a little bit on the twitchy side it seems.

He didn't manage to hurt you in any way did he? Man like that has a tendency to shoot off hurtful words without even knowing it...or caring."

Two general comments here. The first... Shine never seems to do anything wrong. xD He always reacts perfectly. Which, tbh, can get pretty boring to both write and read. X) It's flaws and mistakes that make a character who they are, as much as what they do 'right'. Dun deprive Shine of the chance to have that kind of depth. Most characters I've seen who always do everything perfectly just got more and more two-dimensional over time. :/ In this case, it sort of disrupted the RP flow, as he stepped out of the way of the cacao, so didn't get hit, but did, and then you have several extra sentences that don't really contribute much. X) And a situation that doesn't -quite- make sense. While sometimes you're gonna wanna get creative and dodge someone GMing you into a corner, you also want to make sure you don't skip out on natural consequences, like Shine being unavoidably in the splash zone, since he touched the guy. xD

Anyway, and the second bit is something I'm actively working on. RPing is unique in that you have several different points of view on the same exact occurrences. I'd notice, catching up on threads, that four different people would describe the same events in the same way, and it got rather redundant by about the third time. X) But it's definitely something I used to do, so I've been trying to get away from it. Unless my character's specific reaction to something reveals something important about my character, I try to just skim over action that someone else's post has described well. That might result in 'shorter' or less 'detailed' posts, but that's actually a good thing, as it helps the flow greatly. And, like I said, still something I'm trying to get a handle on. xD

---

IC// Sellah was staring blankly again, but this time at the cat-eyed man. If the cacao-man had tried to physically threaten her, he would not have walked out of the cafe. He would have ran, assuming he could still move at all.

Yet, something in the cat-eyed man's words struck something deep within Sellah, something that was rarely ever stirred.

Her sense of humor.

He was asking about her feelings? The idea was laughable! Utterly laughable! And laugh Sellah did, in an odd sniffing-chuckle that made her whiskers twitch and her golden eyes glitter.

"Hurt by words?" Amusement was thick in her tone. "Well, I'd be a very poor Jedi if I could be hurt just by words."

Still feeling no conversational obligation, Sellah continued walking, towards an open table by the window.

[Jazen]

OOC - Fair enough, fair enough. Though if you ask anyone, Shine does EVERYTHING wrong xD. In any case, I'll try to tone down the ninja Shine for future reference.

Heh, and thanks for the advice. Might make it a bit easier to post faster if I'm not thinking I need a larger amount to make sure everything is covered >_>/

IC/// Shine had expected the strange otter woman to give him a slight response, maybe blow him off entirely. The strange woman instead chose to laugh. The laugh in itself was hilarious; the sound that came from her was alien in its own right and it made her whiskers twitch and flail about.

An amused smile lined Shine's at this unexpected response, instinctively wiping the shoulder that cacao had decided to stain. Belatedly, Shine noticed that the woman had golden eyes as well, though her's weren't cat like in nature like this own. A point to remember for later, if Shine could get this conversation going.

Then it was Shine's turn to stare blankly as the woman admitted she was a Jedi. It took a considerable amount of willpower to resist the desire to smack his forehead; the robes she wore should have given him that clue. His stare faded as she stepped past him to find a seat, sliding back into that amused grin that he'd been wearing before.

Turning, Shine stepped after her, releasing an amused chuckle of his own. "Your a Jedi?! I must say, that's a surprise. I don't think I've ever seen a Jedi in such a normal setting.

Might I ask for a moment of your time while you have your breakfast? It's always nice to have company to talk to during this time of day."

[Kella]

Sorry it took me foreeeeeeeeever. x___x Stupid school.

Feb 13, 2012 21:22:18 GMT -5 Jazen said:

OOC - Fair enough, fair enough. Though if you ask anyone, Shine does EVERYTHING wrong xD. In any case, I'll try to tone down the ninja Shine for future reference.

Heh, and thanks for the advice. Might make it a bit easier to post faster if I'm not thinking I need a larger amount to make sure everything is covered

IC/// Shine had expected the strange otter woman to give him a slight response, maybe blow him off entirely. The strange woman instead chose to laugh. The laugh in itself was hilarious; the sound that came from her was alien in its own right and it made her whiskers twitch and flail about.

An amused smile lined Shine's ((Lined Shine's what? xD)) at this unexpected response, instinctively wiping the shoulder that cacao had decided to stain ((The amused smile is wiping the shoulder, here. ;] )). Belatedly, Shine noticed that the woman had golden eyes as well, though her's hers weren't cat like in nature like his own. A point to remember for later, if Shine could get this conversation going. ((Some info as to why Shine wants to get the conversation going would be good here. Does he think she's attractive? Does he feel bad after the man was rude to her? Is he just feeling lonely? People tend to go about their business, and not really want to pick out conversation with strangers, so just some information as to why Shine does what he does would be really interesting.))

Then it was Shine's turn to stare blankly as the woman admitted she was a Jedi. It took a considerable amount of willpower to resist the desire to smack his forehead; the robes she wore should have given him that clue. ((Actually, Sellah doesn't wear robes. >.< She's got a couple of pieces of jewelry and a bandolier, though that has her lightsaber clearly displayed, so he could still be doing some face-palming. xD Always good to check the other character's personality/appearance at the beginning of the thread. I don't like to rehash my char's appearance every intro post if it's in the char sheet, 'cause it's kind of boring -- but that's what the char sheet's for.)) His stare faded as she stepped past him to find a seat, sliding back into that amused grin that he'd been wearing before. ((Here, "His stare faded, sliding back into that amused grin". While this works okay logically, it's really his face that's sliding back not his stare... So just a finicky phrasing thing.))

Turning, Shine stepped after her, releasing an amused chuckle of his own. "You're a Jedi?! I must say, that's a surprise. I don't think I've ever seen a Jedi in such a normal setting. ((This feels a bit stiff, not like something an average joe would say, 'normal setting'. A more typical person would probably hesitate too, as in, "ever seen a Jedi anywhere... so, well, normal." But, that's a very subjective thing, and it's okay to want your char to come across as non-typical. xD Just thought I'd say something, so you know if you're getting what you're going for.))

Might I ask for a moment of your time while you have your breakfast? It's always nice to have company to talk to during this time of day."

The pacing here is very good, and except for the bit about why Shine was after conversation, it didn't leave me asking any questions, so the level of detail was good as well. :] I notice you have some consistent problems lining up the subject of the sentence and the verb, So that's just something to look out for. Preposition phrases, that is, those that start with words like 'of, for, up, down, left, right, into,' etc, are never the subject of the sentence -- they can be removed without changing the meaning. So, for instance, "The sack of potatoes burst open, rolling down the hill" says that the sack rolled down the hill after bursting open. Well that doesn't really work. 'Potatoes' isn't the subject at all, since it's the object of that prepositional phrase, 'of potatoes'. So, you'd have to rearrange it to something like, "The sack of potatoes burst open, spilling its contents down the hill." Hopefully that makes sense. >.>

Though that was way more rambling than I needed to do, 'cause this was a nice tidy post. xD

---

"Might I ask for a moment of your time while you have your breakfast? It's always nice to have company to talk to during this time of day."

Sellah delayed her answer for a moment, slipping into a seat instead.

"Though as I Jedi I can offer much aid, I'm afraid conversational small-talk was not in my training. However, if there are any criminals or more physical trouble that I can help you with, do let me know."

At first, it seemed as if Sellah was being sarcastic, but her tone never indulged in that more humorous tinge. She both entirely sincere and entirely serious. Believing the matter to be resolved, the Selonian sunk her fangs into the fish, hunger pangs making the food all the more delicious. Sellah then looked up to make another tactical survey of the cafe.

The man was still there. Oh. Sellah blinked. Was there some social more she was supposed to observe? The Jedi had just wanted to eat in peace. If the man didn't give her some clue quickly as to how to appease him, she was just going to keep eating.

Her hunger was far more important than social mores, anyway.

[Jazen]

Silence.

That was Shine's initial response to the strange otter woman's reply. His eyes blinked, air still went in and out through his nasal passage, but words would not form as Shine found himself at a loss for them. Then came the laughing. A small chuckle at first, which multiplied into several, which became an unrestricted laugh a moment later.

Shine remembered his manners quickly and fought back the urge to laugh further, though the words that he managed to find next were still punctuated by several small hiccups of lingering chuckles. "I apologize, that was rude. I just didn't know that small-talk was something one needed to be trained in."

The woman was already digging into her food at that point, a glance as she opened her mouth to bite showcasing a fanged teeth that easily dug into the fish she had bought. For some strange reason, the image triggered a memory long since dormant in Shine's mind, and in that instant Shine knew what she was.

The look on her face when she looked back up almost brought the laugh back to his lips; it was one of surprise that he was still there. Smiling, Shine folded his arms and leaned them on the table, meeting her gaze with his own. "Sorry, haven't perfected the vanishing act yet. Maybe next time.

Anyway, I don't have any criminals that need taking care of. Not yet, anyway. But as for physical trouble, well...I can think of a way or two that someone of you're stature might be able to help me. " There was a wink at the end of that statement, followed by an even greater grin.

"But before we get to that, maybe you could tell me your name? Then I could tell you mine and we can see how things go from there. Simple right?"

[Kella]

Mar 27, 2012 21:13:37 GMT -5 Jazen said:

Silence.

That was Shine's initial response to the strange otter woman's reply. His eyes blinked, air still went in and out through his nasal passage ((Just, 'he still breathed in and out' would work here -- sometimes if you try to sound -too- smart, you just sound odd/stiff. xD I can say that, because I have issues with it. >.> A lot. Anyway.)) , but words would not form as Shine found himself at a loss for them. Then came the laughing. A small chuckle at first, which multiplied into several, which became an unrestricted laugh a moment later.

Shine remembered his manners quickly and fought back the urge to laugh further, though the words that he managed to find next were still punctuated by several small hiccups of lingering chuckles. "I apologize, that was rude. I just didn't know that small-talk was something one needed to be trained in."

The woman was already digging into her food at that point, a glance as she opened her mouth to bite showcasing a fanged teeth that easily dug into the fish she had bought. For some strange reason, the image triggered a memory long since dormant in Shine's mind, and in that instant Shine knew what she was.

The look on her face when she looked back up almost brought the laugh back to his lips; it was one of surprise that he was still there. Smiling, Shine folded his arms and leaned them on the table, meeting her gaze with his own. "Sorry, haven't perfected the vanishing act yet. Maybe next time.

Anyway, I don't have any criminals that need taking care of. Not yet, anyway. But as for physical trouble, well...I can think of a way or two that someone of you're your stature might be able to help me. " There was a wink at the end of that statement, followed by an even greater grin.

"But before we get to that, maybe you could tell me your name? Then I could tell you mine and we can see how things go from there. Simple right?"

Good pacing, good respondability, all that jazz. :3 Let’s get this thing swinging again!

---

Something was up. Sellah was hardly a perceptive person, but she’d compensated for that by becoming familiar with a few basic patterns of interaction. What she did know is that she’d given this fellow no reason to think that she wanted to interact with him -- the opposite, in fact. Slowly, the gears in her head turned.
‘Physical trouble.’ ‘Your Stature.’ The wink. The grin. ‘See where it goes from there.’

Oh. Oh. Sellah knew what was going on, she didn’t figure many things out, but she’d figured this. Her muscles tensed and her muzzle wrinkled into a scowl.

“I am not a prostitute,” she snarled.

[Jazen]

The woman's comment surprised Shine so much, it actually took his mind a moment to catch up with the implication of what she was saying. At that moment, Shine was glad he wasn't drinking or eating anything; otherwise he might have sprayed his drink all over the woman or gagged on his food. Gathering his wits together, Shine put both hands up to either side, a universal sign to stop or wait.

"Woah woah woah, hold on a Coruscant minute. That is not what I was getting at at all, honest. I mean, think about it; how would I think you're a prostitute when you already said you were a Jedi?"

In his mind, Shine was replaying the events of the last few minutes, trying to understand how she could have thought those were his intentions. Everything he had said or done was nothing but harmless flirting, words and actions he'd produced hundreds of times before. The lightbulb clicked on so fast, it actually exploded in his mind. Resisting the urge to physically smack himself, Shine cleared his throat to explain.

"Ah, I think I figured it out. I was flirting, you see, in a friendly manner at that. I tend to do that when talking to members of the opposite gender. You have my apologies for the wrong impression I seem to have given you.

Let's try this; I'm Shine Albatros and it's a pleasure to meet you, lady Jedi. Would you mind if I joined you for breakfast?"

[Kella]

Jun 10, 2012 15:01:39 GMT -5 Jazen said:

The woman's comment surprised Shine so much, it actually took his mind a moment to catch up with the implication of what she was saying. At that moment, Shine was glad he wasn't drinking or eating anything; otherwise he might have sprayed his drink all over the woman or gagged on his food. ((This is just a bit lengthy/wordy, so a simple, 'he choked' or 'he stuttered' or something to that effect would flow better.)) Gathering his wits together, Shine raised both hands. put both hands up to either side, a universal sign to stop or wait.

"Woah woah woah, hold on a Coruscant minute. That is not what I was getting at at all, honest. I mean, think about it; how would I think you're a prostitute when you already said you were a Jedi?"

In his mind, Shine was replaying the events of the last few minutes, trying to understand how she could have thought those were his intentions. Everything he had said or done was nothing but harmless flirting, words and actions he'd produced (('Produced' doesn't quite fit here, just 'cause it's a bit of an odd/atypical verb to associate with 'words and actions'. "Some things he'd done hundreds..." or something of the sort would avoid that.)) hundreds of times before. The lightbulb clicked on so fast, it actually exploded in his mind. (( xD )) Resisting the urge to physically smack himself, Shine cleared his throat to explain.

"Ah, I think I figured it out. I was flirting, you see, in a friendly manner at that. I tend to do that when talking to members of the opposite gender. You have my apologies for the wrong impression I seem to have given you.

Let's try this; I'm Shine Albatros ((Albatros or Albartos?! D< A BIRD OR NOT?? /longstanding confusion)) and it's a pleasure to meet you, lady Jedi. Would you mind if I joined you for breakfast?"

Solid little post, well-paced, not much more to say than...

hehehe. >D

---

"Woah woah woah, hold on a Coruscant minute. That is not what I was getting at at all, honest. I mean, think about it; how would I think you're a prostitute when you already said you were a Jedi?"

"How am I to know what depravity holovids peddle these days?" Sellah muttered. But his surprise did seem to be genuine. She might have felt guilty, if not for the fact that she was still quite suspicious.

"Ah, I think I figured it out. I was flirting, you see, in a friendly manner at that. I tend to do that when talking to members of the opposite gender. You have my apologies for the wrong impression I seem to have given you.

Let's try this; I'm Shine Albatros and it's a pleasure to meet you, lady Jedi. Would you mind if I joined you for breakfast?"

Her expression remained blank. "How would you think flirting appropriate when I already said I'm a Jedi?" she challenged. But though her tone was confrontational, her posture was once again relaxed.

"Fine," she said flatly, returning to her fish.

What a strange little man.