Delta Dragnovich

[Delta the Ripper]

Name:
Delta Dragnocih (Known as *Delta the Reaper* by his Squadron)
Race:
Human    
Age:
24
Birthplace:
Tatooine


Allegiance:
Mandalorian 
Status:
Final Watch Leader
Rank:
Officer


Height/Weight: 6ft.4in.

Appearance:



Personality:
Calm but has a tendency to go crazy when hurt going into a full out rage attempting to kill whoever hurt him (Blacks out when this happens and can't remember anything that happens during this time)


Ships/Vehicles:
N/A


Equipment:
A VibroSword modified to look like a Katana and be a bit longer, Light Mandalorian armor, a blaster pistol.


Stats: (Feeble, Below Average, Average, Above Average, Superior, Legendary)



Strength -
Superior
Agility -
Superior
Intelligence -
Above Average
Charisma -
Average


Force Stats: (Unskilled, Novice, Apprentice, Adept, Expert, Master)



Telekinetic-
Unskilled
Telepathic-
Unskilled
Body-
Unskilled
Sense-
Unskilled
Protection-
Unskilled
Healing:–
Unskilled
Destruction–
Unskilled




Combat Training: (Unskilled, Novice, Apprentice, Adept, Expert, Master)

Vibroblade: Master
Lightsaber: Expert
Blaster: Novice
Echani Martial Arts: Novice
Force Training: (Unskilled, Novice, Apprentice, Adept, Expert, Master)


Push: Unskilled
Pull: Unskilled
Speed: Unskilled
Other Training: (Unskilled, Novice, Apprentice, Adept, Expert, Master)


Stealth: Unskilled
Slicing: Unskilled
Lightsaber Training: (Untrained, Novice, Apprentice, Adept, Expert, Master, Specialist)



Shii-Cho- Adept
Makashi- Apprentice
Soresu- Apprentice
Ataru- Novice
Shien/Djem So- Apprentice
>>Sub-form Backhanded- Adept
Niman- Novice
>>Sub-form Jar-kai- Apprentice
Juyo- Untrained
Double Bladed Combat- Expert




Biography:
Delta woke up to hear shouting outside his door when he was 14. When he peeked out it was his father arguing with a Republic soldier. Wondering why this was going on Delta continued to watch before noticing that his fathers Mandalorian armor was spread out along the table. Realizing that the soldier was mad at his father for helping them clear the streets of the filthy crooks Delta started to get angry. *WHY IS HE MAD AT MY DAD FOR HELPING THEM ITS NOT LIKE THEIR EVER DOING ANYTHING HELL THEY SHOULD BE THANKING HIM* Delta starting shouting in his head. But then out of nowhere the soldier pulled out a blaster and shot his father before pointing it at his mother. Watching in fear Delta witnessed the officer kill both of his parents before noticing that Deltas door was open and started walking towards it. Delta quickly shut and locked it before jumping onto the ledge outside his window and circling around to the front door. Delta was going to get his fathers armor so he may take up the mantle and finish off the Republican scum. After narrowly dodging the enraged soldier and escaping with his armor he went to his uncles house who sent him to be trained by an underground Mandalorian faction. By the time Delta was 18 he had gotten to the top of his class and graduated the academy. About 2 and a half weeks later he had his first mission assigned to him. He had to assist one of the teams go and kill a roaming Rancor. Once he got there his team told him to stay behind them but once they started fighting the Rancor managed to kill his entire team and severally injured Delta. But when the backup squad came to see what was left all they saw was the Rancor ripped apart and Delta standing on its corpse wielding a Vibrosword with his entire team spread across the area earning him the name *The Ripper*. When questioned about the incident Delta remembered nothing other than losing control and blacking out when he came to the Rancor was dead. Due to his ferocity in battle the Mandalorians gave Delta his own squadron to command hoping he would do well on the front lines. His squad was named the Final Watch with each user wielding a longer Vibrosword shaped like a katana and a black light armor that had less defense than the normal Mandalorian armor but was faster.


Roleplay Sample: . *Gets stabbed by some thief in an alleyway* Delta starts slashing wildly at the thief dismembering him as he is no match for a Mandalorian Officer. 3 hours later Delta wakes up sitting in a pool of blood on top of the robbers corpse. "Well looks like I made a mess of things."

[Delta the Ripper]

Ready for Review

[DreadPirateMike]

Hey there, Delta.  I noticed you asking about feedback in the cbox, and since I'm looking to get more active again than I have of late, I figured I'd offer a hand.  Now, I'm no longer a mod, so final approval is beyond my ability, but I've done a fair few of these reviews before, and I think I can offer a few pointers to help you toward that goal.

First up, I'll say in general, you're gonna want to add more to most of these sections.  Mind you, there's no set length requirement; in fact, too much padding can make for a bit of a chore to read.  But as is, a lot of this is simply too short to convey the sort of information that the mods will be looking for here.  I'll try to offer specifics as I go.

- First thing I notice that could use some tweaking is his rank, for a couple of reasons.  First of all, "officer" isn't really a specific rank so much as a designation that could mean any number of ranks.  Lieutenant, General, etc.  More importantly, though, the Mandalorians don't actually work that way, because they don't have a military in the conventional sense.  Rather, at this point in their history, all of Mandalorian society is their "military".  Not all of them are actively out fighting, of course, but they're all theoretically making some contribution to the Crusade, be it farming to feed it, or just making sure there's still someone around back on Mandalore to put out fires.  So, your rank is simply what you do.  In this case, "Warrior" or "Unit Commander" perhaps.

- Moving on, you haven't provided a weight.

- They're going to ask that you actually write an appearance section.  The picture's not enough, first of all because links can eventually break, second because this is a writing focused forum, and third because so far, we don't actually have any idea what the man looks like underneath the armor.  Even if he literally never took the stuff off (gross), that'd be necessary information.

- As for personality, the rage blackouts beg some explanation.  I get that you might be going for the whole berserker thing, and anger management problems could kind of work with that, but you're talking about something else altogether.  Is this some sort of psychosis or odd medical condition?  I'm not necessarily saying you shouldn't do it, but you might want to think about how it would practically play out.  You're obviously going for a combat oriented character, and if a character fights a lot, getting hit or hit back isn't going to be an uncommon occurrence.  If he just goes on rage zombie auto pilot every time that happens, is that going to leave a lot of room for actually playing your character?

Anyway, as far as detail, remove that aspect, and all you've got left is "calm".  Doesn't really paint a complete picture of a fleshed out person, does it?  Does he take joy in anything other than fighting?  Any hobbies?  What sort of bonds does he form with his fellow warriors?  With everyone else?  So on.

- Other than the armor, which shall await the Tech mod, I figure the equipment should be okay.

- The stats are going to be a problem.  A superior ranking means at or at least closing in on the upper limit of human potential, and being at that level in both strength AND agility simply isn't possible without significant cybernetic enhancement.  Just do a google search, and compare the build of a gymnast or sprinter to a power lifter.  Optimal performance in those areas requires developing muscles differently.

Honestly, If you do want to try for a Superior in one of these categories, you'll need to justify it with description in the bio of the proper training, but my advice would be to try for agility.  Based on the picture, he just doesn't have the bulk to justify superior strength.

- So, I saw Rugs mention that a Force wielding Mando doesn't really work here, and I see that you've changed all his Force stuff to Unskilled in response.  That's a good start, but you might find it better just to switch everything over to a non-Force user template.  The problem is, Delta still has way, way more lightsaber skill than even a fully trained Jedi his age would, and in general, there's no reason for him to have any training at all.  Having a lightsaber to begin with is doable, but would require some explanation for how he got it, since those who own the things don't easily part with them.  He'd be even less likely to find anyone, Jedi or Sith, inclined to teach a Mandalorian those skills.  

As for the non-Force stuff, unskilled means he has no training.  So why list stealth and slicing if they're a non-factor?

- Then there's the bio.  When I talk about sections needing length, it usually applies doubly so to the bio, and as is, there's a lot of detail you might want to add here.  For one thing, his life's story doesn't even begin until he's 14.  That's a big deal, especially when you're making a Mandalorian.  The verd'goten, his coming of age ritual, happens at 13 if he was raised in traditional Mandalorian society.  If his upbringing was NOT traditional, then why not?

As for what IS there, it's a bit confusing.  Why IS a Republic soldier angry at his dad for doing his job?  Generally speaking, that's the result you're looking for when you hire someone.  And where was all this happening?  Tatooine?  Because that's not a Republic planet.  There'd have to be some specific reason why the Republic was there and going out of its way to eradicate criminals.  Also, I'm not sure which Academy you mean, but I'm not aware of any such institution on Tatooine.

But then, we get into the bit about his combat rage blackouts and his military unit.  Had there been any hints of this disorder earlier in his life?  It's kind of a big thing to just come out of nowhere, but more importantly, I'm really not seeing how this would get him his own command.  It's true that Mandalorians are basically space Vikings, but even if their fighting forces aren't structures like a conventional military, it still needs to function like one.  As such, a unit commander has to be capable of keeping a clear head and giving orders, even in the middle of a fight.  If he just goes berserk as soon as he takes a hit and has no idea what's going on until hours later, then he's incapable of doing that job.

And finally, you might want to specify a little more clearly just what this Final Watch's role is.  If they just charge straight into enemy blaster fire with melee weapons, I'm not quite sure why they'd all be issued light armor.

- And roleplay sample.  First of all, you'll want to keep everything in the same style.  The *gets stabbed* bit is more something you'd see in a chat room based session.  Here, the idea is to tell a story.  The mods are looking for a scene, or at least the start to one that another player could then respond to, in third person.  So, formatting aside, ask yourself, are we getting a full story here?

Where is Delta, what's he doing there, and how did he run into this thief?  If said thief is no match for a Mandalorian officer, how'd he manage to get close enough to stab him in the first place?  Once you have that in place, you could take some time describing the fight if the idea is to show off his combat prowess.  And then...what happens next?  Regaining consciousness after 3 hours from a stab wound, he's not gonna be in great shape, after all.

And that's my 2 cents in their entirety.  Take them as you will, and good luck!

[Rugs]

Still around, Delta the Ripper


That is one hell of a username