Ryan Archgana

[Holland]

You can achieve more with a kind word and a gun than you can with just a kind word.
~Al Capone.


The Basics
Name: Ryan Archgana.
Age: 26.
Gender: Male.
Species: Human.

Eyes color: Bright green.
Hair color: Black.
Skin tone: Caucasian.

Height: 6”5.
Weight: 215 lbs.
Build: Muscular, well-trained.

Tattoos: Rancor Claw Tattoo.
Ryan has taken this tattoo early on in his career when he was part of the Rancor Claw. An organization that roamed the borders of the outer rim and wild space. Formed by a backbone of ruthless pirates, cold blooded murderers and mercenaries without a sense of morality. Only the biggest and most notorious outlaws were accepted into the ranks. To receive an invitation was an honor declining meant death. The Tattoo was a must if you wanted to become a member of the group.

The Tattoo is located at his right shoulder, Ryan also has the image of the claw burned into his skin with a hot iron located at his heart.

Another one of Ryan's tattoo's.
Another one of Ryan’s tattoo’s Located at his left thigh.

Ryan has a Mandalorian clan tattoo to honor his father located at his right chest.
(No picture available.)

The Morte Tattoo.
Ryan is proud at this tattoo. It resembles the bond he shares with his brother. The first time they ever met was in prison. Ryan and Bail eventually lost track of each other. The tattoo is located at Ryan’s right arm.

The Eagle.
The eagle symbolizes strength, courage, farsightedness and immortality the tattoo is located at Ryan's left shoulder.

The Sher Kar.
After serving time in prison Ryan left the Rancor Claw and joined a notorious bounty hunter/mercenary group called the Sher Kar. It is rumored that the backbone of this notorious organization is formed by terrorists and murderers. This actual tattoo is their logo, Ryan has applied it as a tattoo at his lower right leg.

The Sher Kar is a venomous predator native to Mustafar, the logo and tattoo are based at this creature.

Scars: When Ryan was just a kid, Mocha punished him severly every time Ryan made a mistake. Ryan's back still bear the marks of Mocha's brutal punishments.

Ryan has three red stripes running across his right arm, inflicted by a Rancor. He has also been bitten and clawed at his leg by a Corellian Sand Panther but those wounds healed properly and remained barely visible.

His body is covered with small scars from his violent days when he lived at the streets of Nar Shaddaa. More specifically Ryan is shot three times in his stomach with slug throwers and hit two times at his back with a blaster pistol.

His left shoulder is marked by the burns of a lightsaber and overall he has been stabbed five times at the chest and two times in his back.

Of course he has been stabbed, wounded and shot countless of times in his career most of the wounds healed properly.

To Ryan his scars are trophies because the persons who inflicted them are no longer alive. One day Ryan was cutting a spice deal but the dealer accused him of being a cop. Ryan stood up and showed the dealer his scars and earned his trust. In the criminal underworld those scars stand for something.

Clothes: Ryan used to travel in common clothes to blend in with the crowd, underneath his clothes were often bulletproof vests. These days however Ryan is armored in light combat suits, armored flight suits and mercenary combat armor to keep a decent level of protection and lots of mobility.

(Picture 1.)] (Picture 2.) (Picture 3.)

Personal Details
It is rumored that Ryan inherited both traits of his parents, his father’s combat skills and aggressiveness and his mother’s passion in the force.

For Ryan failure is not an option, he is strong willed like his father and just as willing to do what he has to do to get the job done. His methods are through intimidation and manipulation of his target(s). Ryan is a very tricky and surprising person; don't be surprised when you're dodging blasters bolts in the middle of a sword fight.

A common trait among the Archgana family tree is that they all seem to have a knack for mechanics and a love for weapons. Ryan always searches the black market for the latest of hardware around and love to tinker with his weapons. During his time in prison he learned even more genius ways to hide certain illicit objects.

A down part of his past is that he has developed this arrogant attitude. Ryan truly believes that he can get away with anything anytime combined with his curiosity it often brings him and those around him into trouble. He is trained to serve as the right hand of a vicious and cruel Hutt crime lord and this made him think and act like a Hutt but fight with the strength and skills of a commando.

Ryan is a smart, intelligent and cunning man. He often plans before he starts a job and always makes sure he is prepared for any type of situation. There are times though that he forgets about his training and act on impulsive or allows himself to be taking away by his aggression. Ryan is an opportunistic person and often relies on his charm and wit to save the day or his self even when a deal gone sour. If he ever does get captured feel free to torture him Ryan is trained to know no fear; pain is not something that impresses him, his scars and the brutal experienced under the Hutt crime lord make up for this.

He’s not much of a leader type of guy but more or less willing to follow someone if they are competent in their job. Ryan is most suitable as a hammer the type of person who takes care of threats and problems for other people. Even as a hammer you need a small crew following you, Ryan expect those who follow him to obey his command and be proficient in their job. He has no mercy for those that screw things up.

In addition to the first part Ryan is a loyal man and doesn’t mind getting his hands dirty as long as it makes sense, that is until the person he follows proves to be incompetent or makes mistakes severe enough that they could endanger Ryan’s life. If that is the case he is willing to do anything necessary for his survival.

Ryan is not this silent follower you can send to take care of your problems. As the right hand of a Hutt crime lord he had a say in certain matters and the Hutt listened and respected his opinion thus Ryan isn’t much used to authority, especially from strangers.

Overall Ryan is disciplined and keeps his gear and himself in a great shape, in the places he grew up you often had once chance just to survive another day so you better came prepared or not at all.

Ryan is not that trained in the ways of the force. He has received some training from a dark master but not enough to learn more than the basics of everything except the telepathic area of the force Ryan excelled in that one. He has always been a shrewd manipulator and mind reader himself and his dark master proved to be a successful puppeteer master. Ryan had little trouble to learn more than just the basics in this skill. Apart from that Ryan is very passionate and amazed by the sheer power of the force. He knows that through his emotions it is easier to call upon and fuel his force powers. This is also the result of the lack of training he has received.

Languages: Galactic Basic (Fluent) Huttese (Basic) Trandoshan (Basic) Ryll (Basic) Galactic Trade Language (Basic)
Ryan spend a good amount of time around Hutt crime lords, Twilek spice lords and Trandoshan slavers so he managed learn a thing or two.

For Ryan's history please see the second post.

Other details:[/b] [/color]
Faction: Sith
Rank: Initiate

Items/Weapons
Weapons:
-A Heavy Blaster Pistol. (Modified with a hair trigger, for faster shooting.)
-A Carbine Rifle. (Modified with a scope.)

- A Curved-hilt lightsaber blade color: Orange

The use of curved hilts allowed for more precise movements as well as near-perfect flexibility when engaged in lightsaber-to-lightsaber combat. It was also more complex and gave the creator of such a hilt more of a challenge in aligning its crystals, requiring a minor variation in holding the grip. Curved hilts needed to be held more in the palm, farther away from the fingertips. The hilt's curvature also gave the wielder more power when delivering overhand strikes and would change the angle of the attacks by the merest fraction of a degree; this was usually just enough to confuse and disorient an unsuspecting opponent, as evident when Anakin Skywalker and Obi-Wan Kenobi quickly lost to Count Dooku in their duel on Geonosis.

Some techniques were more difficult when using a curved hilt, but many others became far more effective. This hilt design was not limited to Form II; its advantages in dueling carried over to every form including Form V, as in the case of Darth Bane. Unfortunately, one major side effect of wielding a curved-hilt lightsaber was that they were more difficult to use in blaster-bolt deflection. This, coupled with Form II's weakness in this area, made a Makashi user wielding a curved hilt particularly vulnerable to blasterfire.

Ryan proved to be horrible with common lightsabers. He used them like he would use a sword or any other melee weapon. The times he grazed himself with his own weapon are numerous and he even has a burn mark at his arm which never healed properly and remained an ugly scar. Ryan couldn’t handle his failure and started to search through his master’s collection of books, tomes and data pads to find a solution. He stumbled upon a vague article about a somewhat strange lightsaber, the curved hilt saber. His master tried to talk his student out of it but Ryan persisted as stubborn as he was. His master granted Ryan a list with all the materials he needed and Ryan was send off to acquire them. The young student of the darkside managed to craft his weapon and with a few advices from his master Ryan proved far more proficient with this lightsaber than a common one now that he was able to see his weapons as something unique and not as another melee weapon. The blade has turned into a fiery orange color and if you look closely you could see dark clouds raging through the beam as a wild and passionate storm. According to Ryan the dark clouds represent his chaos and insanity that is trapped inside of his mind.

As Ryan has stolen the crystal it is unknown what type of crystal he has used. However Ryan sees his weapon more as a person, an abomination of the darkside constantly trying to corrupt his mind.

He has also installed a failsafe device meaning that the lightsaber will not deactivate when it hits a solid surface.

-LaserHone Talon vibrodagger.

The Talon is favored among pirates, infiltrators and Imperial storm commando's and other who need to operate silently. The vibroweapons LaserHone produces are ultrasonic lacking the high-pitched whine that is so common to other weapons of this type.

However the dagger is a purely functional weapon with no aesthetic appeal at all.

Practiced Lightsaber forms:

• Shii-Cho 1
  
• Makashi N/A
  
• Soresu N/A
  
• Ataru N/A
  
• Shien N/A
  
• Djem So 1
  
• >>Sub-form Backhanded N/A
  
• Niman N/A
  
• >>Sub-form Jar-kai, or Dual Wield N/A
  
• Juyo N/A
  
• Double Bladed Combat N/A
  

Force-Sensitive Abilities or practices:

• Telekinetic: 3
  
• Telepathic: 5
  
• Body: 1
  
• Sense: 2
  
• Protection: 1
  
• Healing: 1
  
• Destruction: 1
  
  
  

Specialized Skills:
N/A

Attributes:

• Physical Strength: 8
  
• Intelligence: 6
  
• Speed: 7
  
• Leadership: 4
  
  
• Unarmed: 7
  
• Melee Weapons: 7
  
• Ranged Weapons: 5
  
  
• Force Attunement: -3
  
  

RP Sample:
What's with the package?
Ryan walked down the boarding ramp of his ship and shivered when he felt the cold breeze. He rubbed his hands against each other and put them back in his pockets. He could feel the package hidden inside one of the pockets, “good” he said for no particular reason but to undermine his nerves.

Ever since Ryan collected the package for his master he had a strange feeling. Ryan did not dare to open it, fearing the punishment of his master.

When Ryan reached the hideout which was nothing more than a shack hidden in a gap between the rocks and covered with leaves, he noticed something strange. Just as he pushed forward to open the door he realized it had already been opened. A second later he found himself gazing at his dying master and a handful of Jedi surrounding him. They turned to me and Ryan swallowed a large chunk of salvia down his troth, it felt dry and every part of Ryan’s mind shouted that he had to run for his life.

However Ryan is not someone who listens to his instincts. Three lightsabers were flicked on the other two Jedi standing over my master already had theirs activated. Instead of running he let the force run through his body, it started with a spark but the spark quickly evolved in a blazing flame. Ryan was furious for what they had done to his master and he wasn’t going down without a fight. The young kid activated his lightsaber and reached out with the force. A burst of kinetic ripples rushed forward but only managed to catch a padawan by surprise. The youngling lost his balance and felt at the ground. The others braced themselves in time to handle the impact and remained unharmed.

Two of them charged at Ryan a knight and a padawan. Ryan realized that both of them were better trained, Ryan was dodging and blocking strike after strike and at this rate they would wear him down fast.

He ducked to avoid a slash at his head and grabbed a handful of gravel which he blew in the jedi’s eyes with the force. He had not seen it coming and Ryan found a small opening in his defense. I kicked as hard as I could in his stomach and managed to push him backwards. The padawan tried to flank him but he managed to block the attack just in time and remained in a saber lock. The padawan a young woman was no match for Ryan who far stronger than she was. He pushed the slim girl backwards and responded with a series of powerful strikes before she was able to recover.

The padawan was struggling to defend her against Ryan’s blows. Before he was able to take the girl down the master and the other knight stepped in. Ryan had no other choice than to give up and run. He pushed the girl backwards and aimed a burst of kinetic ripples at the ground to launch dust and gravel into the air to create some sort of distraction. After that he just started running as fast as he could. The Jedi master managed to trip with him with a force push and as Ryan hit the ground the package flew out of his pocket. Ryan crawled back upon his feet unaware of his loss he managed to reach his ship without further injuries and left the system before the Jedi could track him down. It was in the safety of space he realized that he had lost his masters package.
[/font]

[Holland]

Timeline:
Ryan is the son of a Mandalorian warrior named Aria Accad Archgana and a force sensitive mother named Janie Ry. His mother once a promising student of the light was expelled from the order because she fell in love with Aria. His father who was a respected veteran, clan leader and combat instructor eventually ended up under the command of Mocha the Hutt and became nothing more than a hardcore murderer. Jaine’s love for Aria ran so deep that she decided to stay with him no matter what and the order had no other choice than to punish her. Aria’s violent nature and mood swings slowly corrupted his wife and she fell to the darkside. Had she remained part of the jedi order they might have saved her.

Prologue.
A week before Ryan is born his father gets murdered in cold blood by an assassin Mocha the Hutt hired. The reason behind this assassination is that Mocha believes that Aria is getting to powerful and Mocha fears that Aria will get out of control. Aria’s influence and resources increases fast not to mention the amount of men willing to follow his lead. Mocha has always been paranoid and believes that it is safer to kill his employee before they get too powerful to turn on him.

During the assassination Ryan’s mother was captured and locked in a filthy dungeon. Ryan Archgana is born a week after the attack in that filthy dungeon in the fortress of Mocha Tyrinzza the H’uun. His mother died minutes after Ryan’s birth just before she could even hold him in her arms.


Birth of a devil.
Mocha was unsure what to do about the baby. He decided to take the last names of both parents and came up with Ryan Archgana. A baby would hardly make a profit on the slave market and leaving it at the street seemed a bit too radical even to Mocha. Eventually Mocha decided to keep Ryan around as an experiment. Mocha was trying to get a son of his own so that he would have an heir to his throne. With Ryan it seemed like the perfect opportunity to prepare himself into becoming a great father figure and instructor to his own Hutt son in the future. If Ryan proved to be successful Mocha would recruit him in his organization and if Ryan failed he could always sell him at the slave market.

The first six years the Hutt was reading books to the young Ryan. Books in which the bad guy’s won. Ryan did not played with blocks like other kids. No, he was forced to play with locks and lock picks. Mocha gave Ryan rewards and praised him as he hit and abused other kids or stole cookies from the jar. But if Mocha caught him or if the kid had failed his task he would brutally punish the child. Ryan still bears the scars of these punishments. Mocha was shaping Ryan into the perfect criminal. No, emotions, no remorse, Ryan learned to do whatever he had to in order to get the job done.

A Hutt in Human form.
Mocha taught Ryan the rules of the streets. Turned him into a survivor, punished him whenever he cried or showed fear. He also taught him about the art of pick pocketing. He tortured the kid, broke him countless of times. Until Ryan’s mental barrier was so strong that he wasn’t afraid anymore. Mocha taught him to think like a Hutt through sinister mind games and eventually Ryan was forced to act like one. He taught Ryan the art of bluffing, deception, lying and treachery and above all to protect him from mind tricks and other mind bending materials.

At one time when he was just a kid Ryan thought there was a monster in his closet. Mocha grabbed him and threw him into the closet and locked it keeping the kid there for a day without food or water. Ryan almost turned insane but never dared to show his fears again.

After Ryan turned twelve he was smart and skillful enough for the Hutt to turn him into a criminal mastermind. Mocha taught him to enforce his will upon others. He taught Ryan to control and dominate other people. To Mocha Ryan was the son he never had, Mocha himself could not get pregnant. When he learned about this he was heartbroken, devastated. He balanced on the thin line between sanity and insanity because he desperately wanted a reliable heir to his throne. With Ryan the son of a powerful force user and a Mandalorian warrior Mocha saw that opportunity. To Mocha even his own relatives were not suited to inherit his empire. Even though Ryan was a human Mocha had taught the kid everything he knew. He knew that Ryan would prove to be a strong and capable leader above all he was Mocha’s own creation.

Ryan a thorn in society’s foot.
Ryan spends most of his time at the streets pick pocketing, burglarizing until he reached the age of sixteen. From there it moved to hustling, illegal swoop racing, theft, armed robbery, extortion, bribery, murder, smuggling and basically everything a criminal could do.

Mocha hired only the best of the best, meaning the most vicious and infamous mercenaries, assassins and bounty hunters were paid to train Ryan to become the best in their field of expertise.

One step forward two steps back.
The road for a crime boss is a slippery one and one can easy slip and fall. The same happened to Mocha he made a mistake got himself arrested and sentenced to a Republic maximum security facility. This time his money, power and wealth was not enough to safe him. With Mocha gone Ryan stepped up to the plates and took control of the organization. Of course this caused for bad blood with some of Mocha’s relatives.

All hope abandoned.
One day however even Ryan was set back on his feet when his own men betrayed him. They sold him out to the Mocha’s relatives. Instead of killing him or feeding them to their pet Rancor's they chose something different. A mysterious jedi who worked as an advisor to the Hutt’s discovered Ryan’s sensitivity to the force when he was brought forward.

They sold Ryan to a so called prisoner camp for force sensitives. Here inmates were tortured, whipped and had to perform hard labor under terrible conditions while undergoing gruesome experiments. When the inmates were not undergoing experiments they were forced to work the mines. If the experiments didn’t kill you the volatile gasses in the mine would, if you could survive those the diseases spreading through the camp would and even if you were strong enough to survive all of the dangers you had to face the other workers when you struck a mother load. You have to understand that workers who could deliver huge amounts of spice were praised and received privileges such as more food, better accommodations etc.

Ryan always realized that there was something odd about him. For some reason Ryan’s senses seemed to have been better evolved in comparison to others but he could never figure out what it was or why. Until he arrived at all hope abandoned. Ryan did not know what the force was but for some reason the scientists at the prison facility believed he was.

This was also the place where Ryan met his brother Bail Archgana. Call it faith or just luck but the brothers were forced to share the same cell. When they introduced themselves they were both shocked to find out they shared the same last name. Of course there were thousands if not billions of people in the galaxy who shared the same last name but when the brothers started talking they discovered similar character traits and behavior. Bail explained that his father told him about the assassination attempt and that he lost his wife during the attack although Ryan was too young to remember anything Mocha had once told him that his father worked for him and was murdered by a rival organization. Mocha also claimed that he provided Ryan’s mother shelter and took care of her but that she died when she gave birth to him.

The brothers loved to believe they really did share the same father and decided to stick together and find a way out. They decided to take the same tattoo to unify their unique bond. For them it did not matter if they were brothers by blood or not. To survive a place like ‘all hope abandoned’ you needed a brother at your side.

Light in the darkness.
Nobody really knew who or what started it but at some point a riot broke out, orchestrated or not every inmate fought for his life. Ryan and his brother joined forces with a dark jedi master and some other inmates. Sadly though only Ryan and this dark master managed to escape the prison along with a handful of others. The other inmates were taken down by the guards or shot by the military later. Ryan witnessed his own brother going down after being shot several times. His immediate reaction was to turn around and help his brother but the dark master forced Ryan to keep running. With Ryan’s skills as a criminal and the dark Jedi’s powers they managed to steal a speeder bike and later a ship and escape through the chaos.

Peace is a lie there is only passion.
This dark master started training Ryan in the ways of the force. Ryan proved to be a promising student especially in the telepathic section. This had much to do with Ryan’s background as he was trained by Mocha to be a skilled manipulator. He was able to combine Mocha’s teachings with the force and it made him even more skilled as a manipulator, utilizing mind tricks against his opponents was something he loved to do.

Ryan also made some great progress with the telekinetic part of his powers more specific the more physical powers which required less concentration but more brute strength or anger. Ryan had a lot more trouble with powers like healing or protection or powers that needed a steady concentration to be effective. Under the dark jedi Ryan learned to channel his anger or pain into rage. Ryan had to rephrase the tenants of the darkside and prove that he understood them.

Piracy.
After a year or two his dark master was tracked down by a group of Jedi knights and a jedi master. Ryan was furious and tried to stop them but he was not powerful enough at that time and nearly died himself.

He fled and soon found himself out of money and in need of a ship. At Tatooine Ryan ran into an old friend of him. The man once a smuggler under Mocha’s command was now working with the Sher Kar a smugglers organization. He offered Ryan a job as a body guard and Ryan accepted. In order to become a full member Ryan had to adopt their clan logo and apply it to his body as a tattoo.

Eventually they were caught by pirates and their ship was crippled in the attack and boarded. The smuggler surrendered but Ryan chose not to. He relied on the little training of his dark master and his experience as an enforcer under Mocha the Hutt and managed to hold them off until the captain himself came down and managed to shoot Ryan down. Normally captured men would be sold at the slave market or killed right at the spot. However the captain was impressed that Ryan managed to hold his own against his men and decided Ryan would be of better use to him alive. Ryan was recruited among their ranks and was forced to prove himself. With no other goals in mind Ryan was just glad to be alive and decided to make the best of it and wait for the right moment to flee.

The Rancor claw an organization that consisted out of the galaxy’s toughest individuals, cold blooded murders, rapists, elite mercenaries and soldiers are members among their ranks. They fought at the border of the outer rim and wild space and even had a couple of aliens among their ranks who respected the cruel and savage methods of the Rancor Claw. To leave the Rancor claw you had to pay for your release or be hunted for the rest of your life. Eventually Ryan fled and ended up on Nar Shaddaa.

[Deleted]

-waves- Welcome to SWU ;D My name's Hax and I thought I would give you're app a look over.

A week before Ryan is born his father gets murdered in cold blood by an assassin Mocha the Hutt hired. His mother is captured during the murder and locked in a filthy dungeon. Ryan Archgana is born a week after the attack in that filthy dungeon in the fortress of Mocha Tyrinzza the H’uun.
His mother died minutes after Ryan’s birth. For some reason one of the guards tried to rape her. She killed him through the sheer power of the force but unfortunately the force claimed her life as well in the process.

Just a quick note on this, here on SWU we use Past Tense for RP, Bio's and all that good stuff. So there at the beginning where you say "A week before Ryan is Born" You would actually want "A week before Ryan was Born"

She killed him through the sheer power of the force but unfortunately the force claimed her life as well in the process.

Ok so right here, In that kind of situation I could see a force sensitive lashing out in defense but it wouldn't kill them afterwords. This is just an opinion though. I would check against a more reliable source then myself.

Mocha thought Ryan the rules of the streets.

Just a typo here, I think you wanted "taught"

keeping the kid there for almost a week without food or water.

An Adult dies after three days without water, I don't think he would have been able to survive a week.

the son of a night sister

To the best of my knowledge this organization and the planet they reside on haven't been discovered in our timeline.

Ryan a torn in society’s foot.

Just another typo, I think you wanted "thorn"

Stalin did back in the days

I'm assuming Stalin is a person from the real world as I recognize the name, I'm not 100% on it but I'm pretty sure RL references[ aren't allowed.

it was gruesome in a way that even emperor Palpatine would have had second thoughts.

Cannon references aren't allowed either.

Ryan met his brother Bail Archgana.

How did they figure out they were brothers.

# Shii-Cho 1
# Makashi N/A
# Soresu N/A
# Ataru N/A
# Shien N/A
# Djem So 1
# >>Sub-form Backhanded N/A
# Niman N/A
# >>Sub-form Jar-kai, or Dual Wield N/A
# Juyo N/A
# Double Bladed Combat N/A

Those stat's seemed solid for just some basic training but the rule is that Shii-cho has to be maxed out before you can put points in any other form.

# Telekinetic: 2
# Telepathic: 5
# Body: 2
# Sense: 2
# Protection: 1
# Healing: 1
# Destruction: 1

These stats seem unlikley for some basic training, epsically when you mention that not being able to actually use the force very well is a genetic thing.

# Physical Strength: 8
# Intelligence: 6
# Speed: 7
# Leadership: 4

# Unarmed: 7
# Melee Weapons: 4
# Ranged Weapons: 8

# Force Attunement: -3

The only two stats I really have problems with are the 8 in ranged and the 8 in strength :/ that's beyond human limits strong and he could get the 8 in ranged but he from what I can see from the bio he didn't do nearly enough training in it and at a guess I'd say he's probably to young. In fact a lot of the sevens should come down a notch when you consider his age.

ok so you need the RP Sample still

and the ship you will have to write up in the tech section and get it approved by Arh. Here is the -LINK-



You might want to switch over to the Format that has been layed out. it will make future reviews and overall acceptance a smoother process.

ok so I think that covers just about everything I spotted. he's an Interesting character for sure, I hope to see him around sometime

[Holland]

Thank you for looking into it. I have to admit I've read it countless of times and never noticed the typo's so thank you for that.

The reference to Palpatine and Stalin were meant to be a synonym but don’t worry I come up with something different for that.

Thank you for explaining a bit more about the skills perhaps I read too fast through the rules or just missed it but now I have a better understanding about the points I could award to my character.

I will clarify the part about my force skills a bit better as I added the dark jedi teacher part at the last moment and forgot that I said earlier that he wasn’t trained at all.

Guess I better put W.I.P. in the title as I have some work to do. Anyway thank you for your time and I will make the changes as soon as possible.

[Karl the Unfettered]

The rule about lightsaber forms is you can't have any form higher than Shii-cho. For instance, if your Shii-cho is 3, no other form can be higher than 3.

You can easily learn other forms before mastering Shii-cho, you just can't have more skill in them than in that one.

[Holland]

Edited characters stats and other things, now working at the background.

[sparrow]

Bio:
Why does Mocha get Ryan's father killed? I'm sure there's a lot of reason why a crime lord would want to kill his own employee, but what's the specific reason here?

What does Mocha see in Ryan that causes him to want to make Ryan his heir (other than the fact that Ryan was the offspring of a failed padawan and Mandalorian that he had ordered killed)? Hutts are proud creatures, so this would be like finding out that you can't have kids and so training your pet monkey to take over for you. Most beings in the Star Wars universe tend to be loyal to their species.

When does Ryan find out that he is Force sensitive?

About the Rancor's Claw... why does Ryan want to join them and why does he later want out? What are their objectives? Do they function like a 'normal' crime ring, a mercenary group hiring themselves out, or something else?

Appearance:
You mention the Sher Kar, but they never appear in the bio.

Equipment:
Curved hilt lightsabers, though offering several advantages, are much more difficult to build than normal straight hilt ones, and so generally are only carried by Jedi (or Sith) that are really serious about using their lightsabers. Considering his saber stats, this doesn't seem to be the case for Ryan. So why does he use a curved hilt?

Stats:
General rule of thumb on this site is that anything 7 or above needs to be explained or referenced in the bio as to why the character is so good in that area.

RP Sample:
Please change this to third-person viewpoint. All RP on this site is 3rd person.

[Holland]

I will make the last edits in a couple of days.

[Squee]

I seem to be the story glitch finder. Or other. Let's see what I can add to make this smoother to read...

Jaine’s love for Aria was so deep that she decided to stay with him no matter what and the order had no other choice than to punish her. Aria’s violent nature slowly corrupted his wife and she fell to the darkside.Had she remained part of the jedi order they might have saved her.

I just figured I’d point out that you mentioned the Order sent her out, but the last sentence of this paragraph sounds like it was a choice. Threw me off track a little. I would suggest deleting it, as the paragraph makes plenty of sense without it and, by leaving it with the “she fell to the dark side”, creates a little more excitement.
Just a personal suggestion.

A week before Ryan is born his father gets murdered in cold blood by an assassin Mocha the Hutt hired. The reason behind this assassination is that Mocha believes that Aria is getting to powerful and Mocha fears that Aria will get out of control. Aria’s influence and resources increases fast not to mention the amount of men willing to follow his lead. Mocha has always been paranoid and believes that it is safer to kill his employee before he gets too powerful.

During the assassination Ryan’s mother is captured and locked in a filthy dungeon. Ryan Archgana is born a week after the attack in that filthy dungeon in the fortress of Mocha Tyrinzza the H’uun. His mother died minutes after Ryan’s birth just before she could even hold him in her arms.

Just wanted to back up what Hax said and warn you to watch your tenses. It can be tricky at first to master that – trust me, I would know. It’s another glitchy throw off. The section before Prologue and the section after are past tense. I would edit it to past tense to make the writing smoother. If you need help, you can PM me.

Maybe I’m missing something, but I thought this was fishy: You say he’s fluent in galactic basic but knows only the basics of Huttese. Yet, he was raised by a Hutt.

Ryan was able to avoid a hit on Mocha by defending the Hutt with his live.

Funny typo. xD

One day however he learned that even he was mortal as he was betrayed by his own men. They sold him to the Hutt's fighting against Mocha. Instead of killing him or feeding them to their pet Rancor's they chose something far more extreme. Ryan was sold to a so called prisoner camp for force sensitives.

Did they not like him? Did they fear him? He was respected, as you said, and it makes me curious why this powerful man’s own people would betray him. Kindly explain?

Now, I'm going to backtrack a little. There was one sentence that made the wrong impression on me:

Once the most powerful crime lord of Nar Shaddaa after those two years of murder the filthy slug buried his own grave

This is kind of wishy washy and I saw it, though it may be my tired eyes, as Mocha died. Rather sudden, but I would have accepted that with a little explanation. Maybe you meant, "Dug his own grave"? It would make things clearer and left an open door that he's still alive.

Other than that, I didn't see many more problems that weren't already covered.

I conclude with this random thought: Mocha's name reminds me of coffee. Hot, bitter, black, steamy, caffeine packed coffee. Mmmmm... xD

[sparrow]

Moving to Incomplete.

[Holland]

Edited the last bits and ready for reviewing.

[Jace]

Everything seems to be in order except one thing. Sparrow asked you to changed your RP sample to 3rd person. We don't do 1st person on this site, obviously you don't have a problem with 3rd person since your whole bio is 3rd person...so thats all you really need to change.

[Holland]

I completely forgot about that but it is edited into 3rd person.

[sparrow]

<Approved>

[sparrow]

Moving to Inactive.