Xavier Ulthis

[Ulthis]

Name: Xavier Ulthis
Race: Human
Age: 18
Height: 5' 11"
Weight: 186 lbs
Appearance:

Xavier was never one to care about appearance, and, as such, does not constantly work on them. Physically, he has become more athletic through his Jedi training, but he will never be found showing off his fitness level. In fact, he is always found in his jedi garb, save the outer robe. His undertunic, which was knee length, and pants are a light, tan shade, while his overtunic is a much darker, brown shade. His belt is the same shade as his under tunic, and his boots match the overtunic. While at first he may appear confident and calm when walking about, if anyone were to speak with him, they would find he is not one to talk with someone he doesn't know well.
Birth place: Alderaan

Faction: Jedi
Rank: Padawan

Bio: Birth - 3
Years before Xavier's birth, a ship repairman by the name of Gregor Ulthis fell in love with a merchant's daughter, Abigail Martine. Whilst repairing her father's ship, they had talked and flirted until they had their romance. They had gotten married and had a happy baby boy, Xavier. Unfortunately, while Xavier was loved by his parents, his father wanted Xavier more to carry on his repair shop.

As the son of a ship repairman, his father expected him to go into the business as well, so he surrounded him in toy ships and other such things to get him interested. Much to his father's delight, Xavier took to building at a very young age. It wasn't the high tech ship building that Gregor planned for Xavier's future, but he made surprisingly good structure out of building blocks.

Despite all this, Gregor chose to ignore what Abigail kept trying to remind him about. At birth, a Jedi Master named Stafus Dictum had examined Xavier and found that he had a high enough midichlorian count to join the jedi ranks. When the jedi had come to retrieve Xavier, Gregor refused to let him leave. Using her favorite talent, the gift of persuasion, Abigail managed to make a deal between the Jedi and Gregor. They would be send a request to send him to the Jedi temple at Coruscant once Xavier had become 5. However, Gregor refused to acknowledge that his son would someday leave and just raised Xavier how he wanted.

Age 3-5
As a young boy, Xavier was shown, but never performed, the finer point in mechanics. Surprisingly, Xavier understood it almost innately, at least, that's what Gregor thought. He was so proud that his son could point proper things, he didn't realize that he was too young to really understand anything and was just pointing randomly. Despite his lack of innate knowledge, Xavier did genuinely enjoy the thought of it, mostly because his dad had the interest drilled into him. However, something always nagged at Gregor's mind that something was going to go wrong. Much to Gregor's pleasure, nothing came for a couple of years, and he eventually shrugged off the nagging. That is, until the Jedi sent the request, by sending a Jedi master, named Jacobi Jedlicka, and his padawan, Chi'gon Sho, to retrieve him. At first, Gregor refused to let him go, but Abigail, once again, used her favorite talent to get Gregor to agree with him leaving.

Age 5-12
Xavier trained as a youngling, like most did rarely seeing the outside world. Xavier was not as gifted at being a Jedi as he was at understanding mechanics, and he was, for all intents and purposes, average. While he did succeed more often than not, he had his share of failures and his handful of disappointments.

This constant knowledge of his inability to excel caused him to be very flustered and often angry, primarily shown through the fits he was known to show. His masters trained him to control his anger through meditation techniques. However, the masters noticed that he was never truly pleased with the jedi training, and they took a bit of time trying to find something that kept him happy. They found just that in the archives. While Xavier did still go to all of his classes and training, Xavier spent most, if not all of his free time here, trying to find and research things that interested him, which was mostly engineering.

As he slowly reached his tenth birthday, he began to study the aspects of lightsaber building, as they combined his two interests, mechanics and the jedi way. He had researched it so much, he had forgotten to focus on showing his worth to the knights and masters. However, this problem solved itself when a Twi'lek jedi knight, by the name of Chi'gon Sho found him studying and doodling designs in the library. She had felt compelled by the force to go to the archives that day, and she had found out why when she discovered Xavier The woman was very impressed with his designs, her favorite being the doodle of a "helper droid" (as he so affectionately called it) and accepted Xavier as her apprentice as the force had lead her to him.

Age 12-18
Now that Xavier was officially a Padawan, he finally gotten to use his two years of studying to build his dream lightsaber. He had the collected the pieces he wanted and then set out for his crystal. At first, he was headed to Aurilia to get the Permafrost crystal, but he was, instead, drawn to Sigil to collect a sigil crystal. His choice in color crystal was as he planned, a dark yellow-orange shade. Finally, as he had been taught and instructed, finally having all the ones he needed according to his design.

Much to Xavier's despair, though, his studious nature would have to ride backseat for a while. Chi'gon, who mostly communicated through telepathy (and, as such, expected him to as well) had noticed that while his intelligence factor was surprising for his age, his physical side had much to be desired. To even out his mind and body, Chi'gon had him run through rigorous training courses and almost dangerous scenarios, such as having to assist her in defeating a band of space pirates that were flying towards Naboo. While Xavier despised having to be constantly watched over like a hawk to do his training, he respected his master like he had been trained to do so.

Despite his lack of enthusiasm when it came to his physical training, there was one mission that he doesn't stop telling people about. A bounty hunter had been paid to kill off a senator from Dantooine (although the planet he was from changes almost every time Xavier tells the story), and the Jedi had been requested to be his body guards. While most bounty hunters tend to be subtle in their offensive tactics, this one was anything but discreet, as the attack chosen was to use a modified flitknot speeder to kidnap the senator. While this may have worked against some other padawan-knight pairs, Xavier knew the speeder's primary design flaw. You see, the flitknot speeder lacked the heat controlling unit of most speeders, if the speeder made too sharp of a turn going too high a speed, then the engine would overload and explode. After creating the plan, Xavier got to lead the mission for the first time. They had managed to taunt the bounty hunter into moving at top speed and then made him dodge a corner far too quickly, and his speeder blew up. From then, they arrested the incapacitated hunter, and Xavier hasn't shut up about it since. While his constant boasting does get him chastised by his master and several of the Jedi Masters, he still does it when they're not looking.

Once she felt he had been balanced physically and mentally, which took roughly 3 years to complete, Chi'gon began to give him advanced training through the primary lightsaber form, Shii-cho. Afterwards, she began to teach him the forms she knew, Niman and Jar-Kai (as she was a Jedi Sentinel and expected him to be so as well), both of which he actually seemed to to do rather well at. When Chi'gon discovered Xavier's interest in Jar-kai, he had decided to let Xavier venture out to craft a second lightsaber, although he would only use it in practice. This time, his saber had been more basic, using the common, using Mephite this time, and, while he liked the look of his original saber, he had chosen to go with a jade green shade this time, simply because he liked the look of it. Now he has made up a schedule to keep his life in a balance: Mornings: Studying and any plans he chooses to make; Afternoons and first half of evening: Physical training with Chi'gon; Second half of Evening: His own choice, which is usually sleeping. However, this schedule is ignored is Chi'gon needs him for something.

Primary
Lightsaber: Single-phase Single
Color: Dark Yellow-orange

Secondary
Lightsaber: Single-phase Single
Color: Jade Green

Practiced Lightsaber forms:
Shii-Cho: 4
Makashi: N/A
Soresu: N/A
Ataru: N/A
Shien / Djem So: N/A
>>Sub-form Backhanded: N/A
Niman: 1
>>Sub-form Jar-kai, or Dual Wield: 2
Juyo: N/A
Double Bladed Combat: N/A

Force-Sensitive Abilities or practices:

Telekinetic: 3
Telepathic: 4
Body: 2
Sense: 4
Protection: 3
Healing: 2
Destruction: 0

Specialized Skills: N/A

Attributes:

Physical Strength: 6
Intelligence: 6
Speed: 4
Leadership: 3

Unarmed: 2
Melee Weapons: 4
Ranged Weapons: 0

Force Attunement: +1

RP Sample: Xavier paced through the library. He had been there for over 3 of his 4 allotted hours, according to the schedule he made up, there and he hadn't had a single new idea. His head pounded in his head louder than his boots did against the floor. The brown robe flowed behind him with each of his quick step. His fist covered his mouth as he coughed lightly, before his whole body paused, as if frozen in time.

Before anyone around him could blink, Xavier dashed off to his table, his lucky table. It was referred to as his lucky table because it was where Chi'gon found him that day, studying and designing. The table wasn't really his (and he would never say that it was), but he felt connected to the area, because it was where he met his master. He opened up his holo-designer and began piecing together every little though that flowed through his 18-year-old head. His eyes stared intently, blocking out the world as piece after piece connected to each other.

"Yes, yes.... that there and that here..." he mumbled lightly to himself as the pieces did as his fingers told them to. Suddenly, he stopped and leaned back. "Perfect." was all he could say as he watched his idea spin in slow motion. It was his newest idea and he smiled at the droid design. It looked mostly like a box with legs, but he knew it to be more. This droid was design to store items, anything that could fit. He gave it the proper pieces to use artificial intelligence and assess scenarios to release specific items if the owner needed something but was unable to speak (say, if the owner were in danger).

However, as his happiness began to subside, he realized what time it was. In less than a minute, he packed up his stuff and dashed out like no other. "I'm late. I'm late. I'm late!" he repeated as he had 5 minutes to get to Chi'gon's training 10 minutes away.

[Ashi]

Alrighty, let's give this a looking over while I'm feeling up to it. Keep in mind that a lot of what I'm going to say might sound harsh, but the end results aren't going to be as harsh as they sound.

From the top then: Weight/height. The average weight for someone of his size and build is about 160-180 lbs. At 121 he'd be starving and literally thin-as-a-rail.

Bio: I know you're not finished yet, but it's starting to shape up nicely. Tweak the date slightly tho, as max age for jedi admission is 6.

Lightsabers: While a padawan can carry two lightsabers, you're not allowed to begin dual wielding until you reach knighthood.

Lightsaber forms: keep in mind that a 5 in any form means about ten years of study and means total mastery. For every point you put up there, it takes an average of 2 years to learn (it varies some by the generic type of jedi you're making). Also, you're not allowed to master Shii-Cho until knighthood, unless you've got some very, very good excuse.

Force Abilities: More or less, a similar concept applies here. My personal rule of thumb is a 1 point-per-year average. The stats you have here are some very well-rounded stats for a jedi master. Also keep in mind that no jedi will teach the destruction stat, as that is purely a sith/dark jedi mindset.

Personal attributes: For every seven you should dedicate a few lines in your bio to give us the how/why/when/what of it and to, in essence, justify it's existence. Also, at age eighteen you've probably not had any experience leading people, so leadership would probably be best to place somewhere around a 2 or 3.

On a mildly different note, lightsabers aren't classified as melee weapons on here. That category is specifically dedicated to using solid blades.

I know it all sounds pretty harsh now, but if you can sort these out before you get too far along in your bio you'll be much better off. For us, even a low stat actually equates years of dedication and hard work, so it will probably take a bit to acclimate yourself to our way of looking at things. Good luck on your character and have fun on the site ^.^

[.:Falcon:.]

I would suggest that you reduce the number of saber forms he has even a one in. Being as he is only 18, that means he's only had about six years of experience, minus the three his master used to put him through physical training. That gives him three years to earn a one in nearly every saber technique- not likely. Most Masters don't even have that kind of track record.

Just my two cents- scale back your lightsaber training to one, two, or at the most three saber forms.

Another thing I would suggest- beefing up his bio just a bit. Remember that the bio also contains his personality in a large part. It tells us what your character is like. However, what you've got looks solid, but it also lacks a few details, such as how, exactly, he earned that four in unarmed and three in melee. Attributes like that need to be explained in the bio, even if only in passing.

On the subject of his attributes- I suggest you scale back on your Force attributes. They're pretty high for an 18 year old Padawan. I'd suggest no more than sixes or fives, and perhaps one seven in those areas, with a plain zero in destruction (unless you detail some reason for that one in his bio). Xavier still has a good three years of learning to do before he evens out into a Knight, and perhaps more.

Remember, your character will have weaknesses. It's what makes them human.

(I'm not official, so you can feel free to ignore this if you wish. )

[Rugs]

Just adding on to what the others are saying here. Not a mod/NGT, so my advice can be ignored if you wish.

It's generally not good to have a char that has some experience in a bunch of forms, and not be very good at any of them. Specialization is a much better option, and most Jedi specialize in one or two other forms than Shi-cho. Although, if you want to go the 'jack of all trades' route, I'd recommend Niman, in addition to the Shi-cho, of course.

That's all I got from just a quick look at the stats.

Edit: Also, I would like to add that the RP sample is a bit confusing. Going from your bio, I'm assuming that he's looking at the design for a lightsaber, but it's not really clear what's going on. Remember, for RPing, clarity is paramount, so it wouldn't hurt to add what he's looking at/designing.

[Dutch]

Alright Ulthis, as promised, Imma go through this. Now, I didn't look at what our trusted members above said, so if I repeat anything they said, I apologize. However, there is a difference between them and me. Anything they say, you can ignore, but it's not recommended. But, if I say something won't fly, only our Little Miss Fluff (Kellaishleya), then it has to be changed unless she approves of it. So, let's do this, shall we? ;D

So far so good, but I can tell just by glancing at your bio, you're gonna need more detail. And now I'll dive in.

Bio: I appreciate that everything is sectioned, so we can at least guess what ages things have happened, thank you. But only question I have about this paragraph is what do you mean by he started building? I can't see a three year old doing more than finishing potty training. Unless you mean building with Lego type toys- any sensible parent wouldn't let a three year old around dangerous machinery.

Otherwise a little more detail would be nice, what was his home like? Did his parents work? Stuff like that could heavily effect a young mind.

3-5: I really don't see a child of this age grasping high tech, advanced machinery, even some great mechanics of our time don't get into it until later in life, but, playing with starship toys would still keep that interest peaked

You say nothing went wrong for several years... 2 years would be called a couple, not several. How did the Jedi find him? What were the Jedi's names? When did he get tested? (If he's Alderaanian, he'd be tested almost at birth, and know if he was joining the Jedi sooner than later). How did Abigail coerce her husband to let his only son leave? That wouldn't be an easy thing to do.

5-12: Ok, earlier you say he had an impressive midichlorian count, but then here you say he was a mediocre Jedi? And what are some of the successes? Failures? What specifically did he do with those? And for his anger issues, the Jedi would more likely teach him meditation techniques to relax, instead of just give him something distracting. Jedi are about inner peace and self control, not distracting.

In the Archives*, not the Library, what specifically did he look for and study? You just say things that interest him- I know you said he liked starships as a youth, did he continue to pursue this? Or was he looking up nudy pics? XD

And at 10, he'd still most likely been trained by the teachers of the Temple, they'd still have regular classes and teachings for him to learn, Xav wouldn't just be free to wander around and do as he pleased. Now, in his free time, that's another story. And did he make any friends?

You say this Master was impressed with his "work" But you have yet to tell us what exactly this work was. And generally, when a Master picks an apprentice, it's not simply because they like them, the Force itself connects the two, a very important bond.

12-18: Alright, sweetness, Xav has a lightsaber! But, there's just a couple issues. The components, yes,you can find almost everywhere. But the crystals- that's another story. Just like with a master-apprentice bond, a Jedi's lightsaber is a very, very personal item. The crystals call out to the Jedi, but they're only on certain planets, see wookiepedia for planets they are from.

A rancor? On Tatooine? Very very unlikely, for a couple reasons. One: A rancor is a very mighty beast, and a Jedi could very well kill one, but they'd try to trick it out of the town first. But that's where the problem is, as seen in Episode I actually, the Jedi don't make a habit of going to planets that aren't in the Republic, and Tatooine is a Hutt controlled planet, for the Republic to purposefully intervene would be a big no no.

Also, Niman isn't duel wielding, Jar'Kai is. And Jedi when becoming a Padawan aren't adhered to a schedule, the Padawan will accompany their Master on missions- usually stuff like settling border disputes, stopping a band of pirates, etc etc. And also, when it comes to a Master teaching Xav the basics of all the lightsaber forms, unless she was a Weaponsmaster, she wouldn't be trained in all of them. Speaking of that, what kind of Master was she? Guardian? Sentinel? Councilor? By Xav's history, I'd say you were setting up to be a Sentinel, in which case, the Force would most likely bring him under a fellow Sentinel's wing. And most Padawan's learn their Master's lightsaber style, not be completely free to learn whatever he wanted. Now, as he gets older, he could dab into different forms.

Lightsaber: Hmmm Green is a nice color, but it's a Councilor's color primarily- is that what you want? Or does Xav just like green?

Forms: Alright, at the young age of 18, he might be close to mastering Shii-cho, a 3-4 in it, then maybe 1-2 points in the other forms, so, choose either one or two to put either a couple or one points in each. Also, keep in mind, each lightsaber form sort of reveals a person's personality- those that use Ataru tend to be a bit more aggressive, those that use Soresu are more calm and collected, and those that use Niman tend to be more balanced, as it is the most balanced form. Likewise, Makashi is for the elegent and precise, Shii-Cho for the strong but defensive, you see where I'm going. Again, Wookiepedia is your best friend. Find what form fits Xav's personality best.

Force Abilities: Hmmm these seem a bit high to me, especially since you said he wasn't really good at anything. A 7+ is a very high stat, and must be heavily explained in the bio. Generally, a good rule of thumb is one point for every year in their life, which is 18 for you. Xav has 30 points, and that's a tad high. If we knew his focus, whether it be combat, Force use, other skills, it'd be easier to make the call. Once more, you gotta explain more what type of Jedi you want Xav to be, and yes, even at a young age, you'd be able to see what he does and likes best.

Special Skills: Well, you never once mentioned him using this in the bio, but luckily, Force Jump is something any Jedi with points in "Body" can do- nothing special about it

Attributes: The non combat stats look kosher *thumbs up*

Your combat skills confuse me though, you state that physically he wasn't too concerned about combat, but he has unarmed, melee, and ranged points. Jedi rarely use ranged weapons, and why melee weapons? Jedi have their lightsaber? If you want any of this, put it in the bio with why he chose to learn this stuff.

Rp Sample: Ok, I'm a little confused- why would a Jedi be timed with how long they're in the Archives? My NPC spent almost his entire life in there as a kid XD

His idea table? You realize the Archives is just a place to study, and anything uproarious, like a person shoving someone out of their seat would most likely get them booted out for the day. Frankly, if I was the Jedi that some rascal pushed me out of my seat, I'd use the Force to pants him.

What exactly did he piece together? And some of your wording didn't make sense. If you want, I'm the head of the Roleplay Mentor section, if you'd like some practice, just post up in there.

Final Notes: OK, from what I read, it seems you want this char to be some sort of Jedi Architect or something. Get a clear picture of what exactly you want for this character, then build up on that. If you need help, people with a colored name are the people to ask

[Ulthis]

Revised!

[Kella]

Alrighty! I'm Kella, your friendly neighborhood Jedi mod, and I shall soon be devouring your bio... nicely. Nicely devouring. X)

~

1. Height/Weight: These can get very confusing for everyone, so I like to pull in... The handy-dandy BMI chart!(clicky!) Basically, that's going to give you a chart of heights and weights, and where those combos fall on the BMI scale. 180 is actually relatively quite heavy. From the look of Xavier's pic, I'd suggest anything from a 19 to a 22 on the BMI scale; i.e., 140 to 160 lbs. If he's lean and athletic, he'll have a lower BMI, but if he's got a muscular physique, he'll have a higher BMI. From the sound of your bio, I'd go with a lower BMI.

2. Appearance: Pics are great for helping us visualize, and very useful. However, they don't tell the whole story. There are some questions need answerin' in the appearance section... What does Xavier usually wear? What sort of build does he have? What sort of first impression does he make? Is he confident, or shy?

~~~

Bio:

3. "Much to his father's appeal, Xavier took to building at a very young age."
Just a bit of a word choice issue here... xD To appeal is basically to demand a second opinion, so it doesn't make sense in this sentence. Perhaps you meant 'approval', or were going for something more like 'delight', or 'enthusiasm'?

4. "When Xavier came of an appropriate age, they would be sent a request to send him to the Jedi temple at Coruscant."
Now, the only issue I see here is the fact that at this point in time, the Jedi are very strict. They would accept a child to become a Padawan as soon as they possibly could: I'd guess around age 1 would make the most sense. It's unlikely that they'd wait until he 'came of the appropriate age'. However, it's far more likely that his parents made a deal to 'postpone' the collection of their child, or the mother made some sort of arrangement behind the father's back. 'tis a quick fix, and it makes the geek in me happy. X) Thank you.

5. "That is, until the Jedi sent the request, by sending a Jedi master, named Jacobi Jedlicka, and his padawan, Chi'gon Sho, to retrieve him. At first, Gregor refused to let him go, but through many harsh discussions with his wife, he was finally coerced."
I'm pretty sure you intended for his wife to be the one that coerced him, though at first-read, I thought it was the Jedi. X) Clarifying that would be great.


6. General Comments: I really want to see how Xavier applies his architectural and mathmatical knowledge to being a Jedi, or to being in combat... surely he finds ways to meld the two other than constructing lightsabers. X) It would be awesome if you'd summarize for me at least one mission where Xavier used these skills and talents of his. Even if he lost, I still want to see how those factor in to who he is and how he behaves. X)

And other than that, a fine bio! A little sparse, but what you've got is good and strong. Feel free to build on that frame as you revise, add in narratives that show his personality. You don't have to, but it'll help you as an author, and Xavier as a character.

~~~

7. Lightsaber: As has been said before, the lightsaber is like a physical representation of a Jedi's essence. It's like a part of them. Because of this, it is wise to put a good deal of thought into your Jedi's saber, as well as the forms he or she has studied.

I notice that while you have Jar'Kai listed as a sub-form, Xavier only has one saber. Due to his technical skill, I think he could have made two. However, this depends on whether or not Xavier focuses on single-blade combat, or double-blade. If double is his favorite, then he ought to have a second saber. If single is his favorite, then he might use a second Padawan saber, only when he's at the Temple studying. You can get really creative with this, deciding why things are the way they are. X) Just make sure to mention why he studies Jar'kai, but has only one saber.

Duel Wield has its weaknesses too, however. Single-bladed combat is much pore precise. Lick here to read about the weaknesses on Wookieepedia, and go ahead and scroll through the rest of the article while you're there. Make sure Jar'kai is the right fit of Xavier. If you decide it is, just make sure to mention the above. ^

If you decide against Jar'kai, however, you can have him focus on Niman, and bring that stat up to a 3.

Note: I may be mistaken, but I have yet to come across anything that says Jar'Kai may not be studied until knight-hood, and studying the form during the Padawan years is fine in my book.

~

Other stats are looking good, Force is well balanced, physical stats nice and shinyfull... Ah, but I would like to ramble a bit about...

8. Force attunement: From what I've read in Xavier's bio, he's never had to face his own inner darkness. That, coupled with his initial anger problems, and I'd say he actually falls quite neutral on the scale. Nothing above a +3. Good intentions are great, but only when they're put to the test do a Jedi's true colors show. Xavier really hasn't had that chance yet, it seems.


~~~


RP sample:

9. "The table was special to him, due to his past with it, and he refused to sit anywhere else when designing."
This bothered me... it's very un-jedi-like behavior. The Jedi strongly discourage personal possessions, and for Xavier to 'claim' a certain table in the Archives would be quite unacceptable, and quickly noticed and reported to his master. If he gravitated toward the same table, that would be one thing, but claiming ownership of it... nah. X) I'm quite particular about these things.

"I'm late. I'm late. I'm late!"
For a very important date? (sorry, couldn't resist.)


~~~

Overall, you've got a nice looking bio! Not bad, not bad at all. A little polishing, and you'll be good to go. :D

I have this strange feeling that there was something more I was going to say, but now I can't remember... gah, if it was important, it'll come back to me. X) For now, forgive me for being tired when I looked over this... :p

[Ulthis]

alright, that should be everything you requested, and writing the story about the mission was kinda fun. ;D

[10Tickler]

Random Input from Eclipse-time!

I, for one, welcome our new Padawan Overlords.


J/K

In truth, My padawan is learning Niman, and I'm sorry to say this, mister NGT, however, Niman is considered to be a Duel-bladed style

Niman, the dual-blade style developed by the Royale Macheteros of the Kashi Mer, was named for the dual triumvirate of the Kashi deities. The style was adopted by the Legions of Lettow, a group of Dark Siders responsible for the First Great Schism of the Jedi Order. After the defeat of the Legion at the hands of the Jedi, Niman was adopted by the Jedi order, eventually being refined into the sixth form of lightsaber combat, referred to by the same name.

That, and my own Experience say that it should be fine, as Arichi is studying Niman.

Now, onto my Odd little quirks of whatnotness.

Ulthis!

Check the bio, run through it, you have some words that are off, I'm assuming Typos, but you never know. For example:

if the speeder made too sharp of a turn, going to high a speed, then the engine would overload and either explode of shut down. They had managed to taunt the bounty hunter into moving practically at top speed and then made him dodge a corner far too quickly and his speeder, while it's defenses were improved, blew up. From then, they arrested the incapacitated hunter, and Xavier hasn't shut up about it since.

Some of the Grammar is off, and you need a Comma where I've bolded it, but the thing that gets me is the "of" there. I'm pretty sure you mean OR.


That's it from me

[Dutch]

Form VI attempted to balance all elements of lightsaber combat, combining the techniques from Forms that came before into a less intensely demanding combat style. In practice, Form VI was a combination of older forms (Forms I, III, IV, and V), and all of them in moderation. In the blending, much of the individuality was lost, but the strengths were spread evenly, and there was little weakness in it. Due to its "jack-of-all-trades" nature, the success of this form was largely dependent on the practitioner's intuition, improvisation, and creativity in combat rather than the rote responses derived from other forms. This broad generalization made Form VI well suited for diplomats, as they could spend their time training in the areas of politics and negotiation instead of combat training.

Jar'Kai is the two handed version of Niman, however, Niman isn't the only two handed style, a Jedi can mix and match styles to create the own two handed style, like Ventress in the Clone Wars using a two handed Makashi.

[Anna]

The only thing I find wrong with this really is the stat for Jar'kai.

A 3 is still a bit high, so I would lower it down to a two or one.

[Ulthis]

Revised!

[Kella]

To clarify: Niman in its strictest sense is considered a one-bladed style, while almost any application of Niman with two blades is considered Jar'Kai.

Note: The following is not necessary to read, but might be interesting. X)

Niman originally adapted as a form made for swords. I.e., metal and hilt swords, not lightsabers. The Jar'kai terminology also first appeared at this time. Over the years, Niman evolved and developed, and when it was adapted for use by the Jedi, it became a one-bladed form. To clarify and specify, the Jedi adopted the term 'Jar'Kai' for two-bladed combat. Though the terminology changed somewhat, the original swords forms were easily adapted into lightsaber forms, retaining many of their key features.
((More in depth information can be found in the Wikipedia article; this is just my summary. Make sure you read the whole history; it starts with swords and moves into sabers, which can make it confusing.))
If anyone has any more questions about this, please let me know via PM. I want to clear up as much confusion as possible, but I don't want to clutter poor Xavier's thread. X)
End note.

Okay, now that that's out of the way...

I like the mission with the speeder! The only thing: Jedi tend not to brag, so him insisting on telling about the incident would get him chastised by his master... but he might keep doing it anyway. Just keep that in mind, and clean up that particular incident a bit. Thank you for humoring me.

If you ever want to read up to the Jedi, you might want to take a peek here. There's a ton of information, and it's a seldom-used resource, but feel free to give it a look. ;D You don't have to, though.

Ah, I see you've added another lightsaber! Go ahead and weave this into the narrative about him making his first. That way we don't have an extra saber running about. You could also make it a Padawan saber, a 'rental', so to speak, and then it would have to be plain green or blue.

Which allows me to give your Lightsaber stats a closer look... Lower Niman and Jar'kai by one point each, and you're all set! ((Note: You may also have a 2 in Niman and a 1 in Jar'kai; it depends on whether he favors one blade or two.))

Nice work on the RP sample.

You're very close to being done! Just fix the speeder story, explain his second saber, edit your saber stats, and everything should be nice and shinyful... ;D

[Ulthis]

I already added the second saber to the last paragraph in my bio, but I'm afraid I need you to explain cleaning up. If you meant to add his reaction to the jedi master's negativity then I added it. Otherwise, I would like for you to explain. Also, I fixed my stats.

[Kella]

Sorry, for the confusion, sloppy phrasing on my part. X)

As for the second saber, I must have skimmed over it. X) Lesse... Ah, there it is! Lookin' good.

And your 'cleaning up' (I have got to think of a better way to phrase that...) looks very nice. ;D It demonstrates that even though Xavier is a Jedi, he still has lots to learn, and is a little immature. *nod,nod* I like.

I believe everything's in order... Great work! OH! One more thing: 'Telepathy' isn't a specialized skill, so you can remove it from your list. I don't think you need much more than the stats for that one. X) I trust you to make the change, however, and it's so little it shouldn't delay your approval. So...

I officially deem this app, stamped with the...



Now go forth and cause chaos and confusion in the Galaxy!!

Er, I mean, promote peace and justice and all things Jedi...

[Jenno]

Moved to Inactive.

[kalakkaal]

yeah... this guy is mine, any way I could cancel kalak and take him back, as kalak was based on this guy anyway?

[Ulthis]

Yep, I'm here to reclaim my old self.

[Jenno]

Re-activated per request.

[Kella]

Inactivated due to User inactivity. Will be reactivated upon request. :3