Dolina

[Arruna]

Character Name: Dolina Lerr
Character Source: SWU
Character Faction/Alignment: Civilian (0)
Type of Roleplay: Just a little chit-chat (comedy, drama)
Roleplay Requirements: A kinda basic situation when Dolina gets into something messy and my mentor would respound by controlling the NPCs and also some help for my grammar couldn't hurt either. ^^
Reason for Request: It's a new char, I like to build off her style while RPing and improving her a special kind of speech.
Notes: Have fun!

Roleplay: [Coming soon...]

[Arruna]

Somewhere deep in the far far away galaxy, lonely shimmering eyes were watching the eternal evening where an old body of metal passed on its way. This vessel had long ago outlasted its use for the purpose of fright when a need for the transport of passengers came along. Times had changed, but those fearless gas balls were watching down on her as always, never asking or judging. In time, that long journey came to its end, a noisy quake shaking the floor below the small girl in a rather harsh manner. Little by little the frightening movements started to calm; when they had at last ended, her head rose as curiosity took control and she marched to a window. To her dismay, the stars were all gone. The girl felt betrayed, believing that her stars had departed, leaving her feeling alone and empty as her only reminder of home had vanished. Instead tall and proud tents welcomed her at the window, a fair sight that one could staring for hours. Strong structures that held levels of hundreds, and there were hundreds of them. Then a man came...

... broadly a day before that person met her and in a good manner, he outlined a few things. About a power known as the "Force", about a council and about some other nonsense that might have interested her. Well, one thing was for sure; a night sky that lost its stars by some shaking was pretty interesting. They left their ship and another flying canoe brought her to a huge island that her taller guide called the 'Jeti Temple', or something like that. It definitely seemed like a holy spot on this creepy land, where mountains were more straight than her fingers. But sadly she didn't see any of those Jeti about. Soon she found herself in a cave deep inside the temple island. Dolina was asked to stand by a door before she was allowed to enter the hall of representatives for this 'force' thing, but so far she was only told to be silent. Then, after a while, she was asked to step in there.

[Jazen]

Somewhere deeply](Deep, not deeply ^_^ in the far far away Galaxy(you don't need to capitalize the G), lonely shimmering eyes are("were" works better here) watching the eternal evening where(I might be misreading this, but when sounds like it would make more sense here.) an old body made(Don't really need "made" here, old body of metal explains it quite clearly) of metal (I suggest adding "suddenly here) passed on its way.

This vessel had lived long from old days when people only prepared its kind to purpose of freight, but later a bigger need for passenger transporting came along. (This vessel had long ago outlasted its use for the purpose of fright when a need for the transport of passengers came along. < Much better sounding) Times (had) changed, only(but) those fearless gas balls were watching down on her as always, without(never) asking or judging her.

In time, that long journey came to its end, a noisy quake started(do not need)shaking the floor bellow(below) the small girl by rude manner.(in a rather harsh manner.) Little by little the frightening movements calmed down(started to calm, her head arisen with that her(her head rose as) curiosity took control and she marched to a window. Weird, the stars were all gone, they departed and betrayed her, she felt emptiness for nothing reminded her to her home any longer.(To her dismay, the stars were all gone. The girl felt betrayed, believing that her stars had departed, leaving her feeling alone and empty as her only reminder of home had vanished.)

Instead tall and proud tents welcomed her at the window, a fair sight that one could staring(simply stare at) for hours. Strong structures that held levels of hundreds,(hundreds of levels) and there were hundreds of them. Then a(the) man came...

... broadly a day before that person met her and byin a good manner *,* he outlined a few things *.* About a power that so-called(known as the) "Force", and(about) a council and (about) some other nonsense that might be(have) interested her.

Well, one thing was (for)sure, a night sky that lost its stars by some shaking was pretty interesting. They left their ship and another flying canoe brought her to a huge island, that her quilter(taller) guide called something like 'Jeti Temple'.("the Jeti Temple", or something like that.) It definitely seemed like a holy spot on this creepy land *,* where mountains were more straight than her fingers.

but she saw the Jeti no where.(But sadly, she didn't see any of those Jeti about. ) Soon she found herself in a cave deep inside the Temple island in throat of this Religion.(Really don't need this as it doesn't make much sense ^_^ ) Dolina was (then) asked to stand by a door before she (was) allowed to enter to(Dont need this) the hall of representatives (for) this 'force' thing, but so far she (had only waited in silence) Then *,* after a while *,* she (was asked to step in there.............)

Okay, that was fun. Phew. I know we did most of it over IM, but read this over again, as I found some little other things to change. Other than that, your good. I'll try and add the roleplay part in later tonight. ^__^

[Jazen]

Silence was what awaited the young Miralukan girl as she entered that grand circular chamber, a restless silence that would most certaintly put her on edge. The lone being inside the room sat at next to a small table, an empty chair across from him, his hand resting on a chirping data pad on the table. His eyes said nothing for they were covered with dark eye guards, slited to allow the Kel Dor to see from behind them. A breather covered from his nose down to the base of his chin, his breathing calm and slow behind it. Dark beige jedi robes covered his moderate frame, with a matching cloak drapped over the back the chair he sat upon.

Upon the young girl's arrival, Jedi Master Pel Faun lifted his head from the pad, his emotionless face turning to watch as the girl approached. He could feel the unease drifting from her, matched only by her ever growing curiousity about a world she knew not much about. It was understandable, considering she had been brought from the only place she ever knew to what could easily be the most amazing and frightful place in the known galaxy to some. Coruscant took getting use to if one was not born native to the planet but eventually, one did. He certaintly had, so many years ago. But for now, he needed to girl calm and at peace, so he reached into the ever lasting Force and poured positive emotions into it, drifting those thoughts towards the girl. He bathed her in them, let those feelings find her fear and smothered them with a layer of joy, love and caring. She might be confused as to what was happening, but surely the effects would be welcome.

Pel twitched his face muscles, the only real thing he could do to show he acknowledged her presence, then gently indicated the free chair with his empty hand. The little Miraluka was here today for the purpose of seeing how gifted she was with the Force. She was obviously gifted in a way, for she would have not been brought to the Temple if she had no real gift for the Force; it was his job to find out just how gifted she really was. Simple tests and questions were what awaited the girl, but Pel waited for her to be seated before he spoke. And before he did even that, he gently nudged a small glass of water towards the girl, an obvious invitation to refresh herself. When he spoke, his breather mask tilted up and down as her mouth worked beneath it.

"Greetings, young Dolina. I am Jedi Master Pel Faun and it is with a joyous feeling that I welcome you to the Jedi Temple. I hope your journey was pleasant and uneventful, as many wish these days.

So tell me little one, what do you think of our Temple? Don't be shy about what you choose to say; all opinions are welcome and I treasure your honesty."