Delete

[Sheppard]

Scheduled for Deletion

[Latus]

I noticed that this has been sitting in the ready position for a while. I'll use what time I have to give my two cents,

*puts on planet criticism coat*

Once a largely arid planet, dominated by huge masses of land that covered 65% of the surface, Ralos has since become a lush environment thanks to innovations in agriculture and irrigation that have been introduced in the last 200 years.

I don't know that much about agriculture within an arid environment but it may take more than 200 years to change it from a fully arid environment to lush and agricultural. This is minor, as this planet probably has several billion years of existence, and could probably go up a few hundred to a thousand or so. As I said, its minor.

The shield was used to great effect as Lantia was the one of the first targets the ships of the Resistance targeted to remove the source of starship fuel from the RDF.

Awkward sentence, may want to reword.

In 3504 BBY the officially formed Ralosian Resistance started a full scale civil war on Ralos and above it.

Ok, its fine to have a resistance but a civil war is usually over some type of conflicting viewpoints. In the United States it was an economical issue (not as based on slaves as history texts want you to believe). What was the ideology for the creation of this resistance? What were they resisting? Why were they fighting? What did the Ralosian government do that made them want to splinter?

*takes off planet criticism coat*

Other than that I see nothing major.

[Sporky]

3504 BBY is in the future, by the way. :3 In fact, unless I'm reading wrong, the entire history section, if going by numbers alone, is going in reverse.

[Sheppard]

Haha, you both are correct, I wrote this over about a week and a half so its a little all over the place, I'll get on that and reverse the numbers soon (too used to doing this stuff ABY)

EDIT: In the Ready stance once again! Timeline has been changed slightly, allowed more time for transformation of arid environment anddddd.................

gave a reason for the civil war

[Sheppard]

Just moving this to the top so Jace can review it, need it to approve my character as well

[Jace]

<Approved>

[Sheppard]

-Edit- Added updated the ancient spacefaring ancestors to the Gree as intended

Major changes appear in the top of the planet history.

[Sheppard]

Moderator, please delete this thread

[Dutch]

Moved to Archive