Questions and Answers [blue]

[Mara]

[... from the Double-edged Sword of Wisdom]


The Falleen Jedi Knight shifted into a hurried walk as she navigated the halls of the Temple on her way to the Room of a Thousand Fountains. Her brown robes rustled about her feet, her untied black hair billowing slightly behind her. She smiled quick greetings at other Jedi as she went along, making her away towards the room that was really an outdoor courtyard used mainly for quiet meditation and conversations. Green skin was tinged slightly reddish showing her irritation at possibly being late for this meeting she had set up earlier. Once out of the busier areas of the Temple and farther from frowning faces she quickened her pace.

For Xierra Zalq was meeting her padawan there, her new padawan, for a chance to finally get to spend some time together and get to know one another before heading full force into his training. At first her choice of meeting place had given her pause, as she had taken her last padawan here at the beginning of his training as well. All that seemed so long ago, though it was less than a year. Before the battle on Rhen Var, before her life path took a sudden twist into a new direction.

So much had happened in those short months. She had taken a padawan and begun to train him. There had been a mission to Vulpter in which her padawan was too ill to travel. And then finally they had been able to go off to Gargon for some real training. Training that had been interrupted by the call of Master Took, leader of the Blades. Xierra had joined the Blades shortly before taking on her padawan Zorn and could not ignore the request to make haste to Rhen Var. For lack of anything better, she had taken the young Zabrak with her, and he had subsequently disobeyed her orders and gotten himself lost on the icy planet. The Falleen still had no idea whether he still lived or not. In the chaos of battle and duels, he was lost to her forever.

Then had come the mourning, the hard decisions. A talk with Master Took himself about which way her path would lead her next. Xierra wasn't sure what to do about her missing padawan. The master's words had eased her pain somewhat, but she had decided on her own that she could not train another and must go alone for at least a while. The pain of failing her padawan was too sharp for her to ignore. How she could replace him so quickly was not on her mind.

But all that had changed back on Taris after the battle. She had gone to meditate on her choice not to receive another padawan and to figure out what would be next for her: another battle, a mission, or perhaps returning to the Temple on Coruscant to spend time in training. Xierra had come into contact with a youngling there in that courtyard. Words from her own master had been pounding through her head and the company of this boy had knitted the whole message together. It had been a tough pill for her to swallow, but it was where she felt her true path was leading to. She would not be replacing Zorn; she would simply be moving on and training another in his memory. This Knight was not meant to be alone, not now.

This boy, young Larkin, had agreed to be her student, and they had traveled as soon as they were able back to Coruscant, to the Temple. Xierra had wanted to make things official with the Council there, leaving her new padawan to spend some time exploring the grounds and hoping not to get into trouble. She had pointed out where the library was, thinking he might be interested in that area. The Council meeting had gone well, and after doing a few minor housekeeping issues that she had left behind from her last time spent there, was off to meet up with Larkin.

She had been unsure of the meeting location, but ultimately shook away any thoughts of the past. Of course it would always hold memories for her of the time spent with Zorn, but those were all they were: memories. Xierra would create new ones with Larkin, starting in the Room of a Thousand Fountains. It would not have any bearing of the past. In the end, she had decided it would be the best place for the two of them, after considering every corner of the Temple. The courtyard would be similar to the one they first met in, a peaceful place for them to talk and get further acquainted.

Finally Xierra came up towards the entrance to the so-called room and then slowed her pace to a walk. It would not do to go rushing into this serene area. She hoped she was not too late; her few errands had taken longer than she had thought. Coming inside, she glanced around for the familiar guise of her padawan. But not seeing him, or feeling his increasingly familiar presence through the Force, she went farther in and took a seat on a bench near some tall trees. Even if she were late, it seemed Larkin was later still. Belatedly she wondered if perhaps leaving him on his own had been a bad idea; maybe he had gotten lost and couldn't find his way here. Xierra clasped her hands together in her lap. If he didn't show in a few minutes, she would go looking for him. Until then, she would just slow her breathing and commune with the Force. And prepare for the conversation to come.

[Blue]

Kol Larkin was not usually the type of person to get easily lost. He had, after all, been brought up on one of the most barren landscapes in the universe, where all you had to guide your path was the ever shifting sand dunes. If it did not give you a good sense of direction, it killed you. Yet here, in the Coruscant Jedi Temple, he had somehow found himself turned around.

After Master Zalq had left him at the massive library, the young padawan had studied a little before deciding to investigate the rest of the Temple, curious to see if it was built in a similar manner as the one on Rhen Var where he had been taught. Ten minutes later, frowning in annoyance, he realize he could not find his way back to the library and so attempted to locate the Room of a Thousand Fountains and managed to get even more lost.

Larkin knew he was going to be late meeting up with his master. The thought irked him greatly, as he despised unpunctuality in himself and others. The heavily cloaked young man knew that this often made him appear impatient, but in reality he was very patient. When he was four, he once lay on his belly on a sand dune for several hours without moving, waiting for one of the sand-wolves that haunted the desert planet to appear. His people had eaten well that day.

The padawan sighed and rubbed his forehead, the dark-lenses of the goggles he constantly wore glittering in the light. He was feeling... off here. Something was putting him on guard, a feeling he usually got when the Raiders of his 'homeworld' were about to launch an ambush. But he knew that nobody in their right mind would want to attack him here. He was just a padawan, one that had never even been to this Temple before now. So why was this feeling hounding him?

Out of nowhere, he felt a tap on his shoulder. Instinct kicking in, Larkin swiftly knocked the hand off him and slipped the small shiv of wood he had carved back on Rhen Var before leaving from one of his spacious sleeve, raising it to strike. However, he stopped himself short when his fantasy attacker turned out to be a human girl about his age. The look of shock on her face at his violent reaction was quite pronounced and Larkin quickly slid the makeshift weapon back up his sleeve. There was an awkward moment of silence before the girl gave a nervous laugh.

"Well... someone is pretty tense", she said with a small smile. "First time in the Temple? You seem lost.

Larkin said nothing at first, taking a good look at the girl who he had almost assaulted. She did not seem to be much older than himself, probably the same age. She wore the simple garment that he had seen many of the Jedi around here did, indicating that she was may be a padawan. Shifting nervously under the blank stare of his goggles, she fidgeted with her closely cropped hair, tucking a braid that hung down from her scalp behind her ear. Noticing this, he realized that she was indeed a padawan. Adjusting the scarf that covered the majority of his lower face, Larkin replied.

"Yes, it is. My master and I travelled here to officiate my position as her padawan", he said, his quite, whisper like voice slithering from behind his scarf. The young girl seemed to find this interesting, as her eyes widened.

"Really? Which temple did you come from?" she asked. Now it was Larkin's turn to shift uncomfortably. He was not used to this much attention from someone his age. The other younglings back at the other Temple had steered clear of him, considering him odd at best and dangerous at worst.

"Rhen Var", Larkin answered shortly, beginning to walk on while drawing his robes closer. Even here, the air seemed chilly. Not as bad as it had been on Rhen Var, but it still nipped at his nerve ends. The girl kept up with him however, asking more questions.

"Ooo, what was it like there?" she queried, fascination evident in his voice.

"Cold", Larkin said bluntly, not even bothering to look around, simply switching the direction he was going in, hoping to shake her off. The girl stopped, chuckling lightly as she noticed that he was heading towards the Temple exit.

"You really are lost aren't you? Unless you intend to leave without your master" she said cheerfully. The boy stopped, turning sharply.

"I'm not lost. I am... I just got turned around".

"So you're lost".

Larkin sighed. Closing his eyes tightly, he reached up to his face and lifted his goggles up, resting them on his forehead and rubbing his eyelids. He felt the beginnings of a headache rumbling inside his skull. What was the matter with him? He had never felt like this before. It was like he was sick, but he never got ill, not even back in the Sandbox. Replacing the goggles over his eyes, he noticed the girl was giving him a look of concern. He wondered if he looked as bad as he was starting to feel.

"Are you feeling alright?" she asked, confirming Larkin's thoughts from a moment ago.

"I am fine", he stated, walking back the way he just came. "I'm going to meet my master in the Room of a Thousand Fountains". As he passed the girl, she paused for a moment before grabbing him by the arm and pulling him down a different corridor.

"Come on, I'll show you the way", she said kindly. Larkin was about to protest to being dragged along like a small child but quickly gave up on that idea; odds were that she would not listen to him any way. Besides, he was far too tired to argue. It did not take them long to get there. As it turned out, he had past it several times before. Standing at the entrance, the girl let go of his arm.

"So, do you see your master anywhere?" she asked brightly, smiling at the heavily robed boy. Larkin's goggled eyes scanned the room, finding the Falleen Jedi easily, apparently meditating. Nodding to her question, he muttered his thanks and was about to go to his master when the girl spoke out once more.

"You're really not a big talker are you?" she asked. His continued silence at this question made her laugh, though he had no idea as to why.

"What's your name?"

"Larkin", he replied unceremoniously.

"I'm Lil'jah", the girl reciprocated. "I'll see you around sometime". This almost made Larkin turn around. That had sounded too sure for it to have been a polite way of ending the conversation. Without looking back, Larkin made his way to the seated Master Zalq, looking down at her with his goggled eyes. His thin face held his usual bleak expression, but there was pain pulling lightly across his features.

"I'm sorry I'm late master", he announced, not offering a reason because he saw no reason to do so. He was late; what did it really matter why it was so?

[Mara]

Trying not to let her misgivings of leaving her padawan on his own so soon after taking him on, Xierra had closed her eyes and focused on pushing all thoughts out of her mind. Thoughts of her former padawan Zorn whom she had lost, thoughts of her current padawan Larkin whom hopefully would be much safer at the Temple, even if lost, than on the deadly snow-covered tundra of Rhen Var. The Falleen took a deep breath and closed her eyes, allowing her mind to clear with each exhale, her skin and pheromones to normalize with each inhale. Soon she had reached the state preferable for meditation and began to lightly regard the task at hand.

The task with which she hadn't been sure she was ready for, though every cell of her heart and soul, even most of her mind, was telling her was telling her was the right path. Taking on a padawan so soon after the loss of her other one had at first seemed absurd. But now... now Xierra wasn't sure what she would be doing without one. Hindsight was always clearer her own master used to say. It was easier to realize a decision was right after it was made, not before. She had thought she would be better off alone, training, learning, fighting with the Blades. Becoming a better and better Knight. Now, though, she realized that that wouldn't have happened. She would have wallowed in her sorrow, just as she had when first returning to the Temple after her master's death. The Falleen had needed a kick where the sun didn't usually shine to get her back on the path set out for her.

Despite the surety of the matter now, Xierra still wasn't quite sure how to proceed, hence why she had been somewhat glad to see she had arrived early, or at least earlier than her padawan. It would give her time to decide how she wanted this meeting to go. She could not simply start him in the same way as Zorn; Larkin and her former padawan were completely different and would need pushes in different directions. However, it wouldn't hurt to do a little chitchat as well. The Falleen Knight had felt since meeting the boy that he would need almost immediate immersion in training to help him get over the struggles she had seen he was having back on Taris. But she also didn't want to throw him into the deep end without a floating device, as it where. A little time spent here at the Temple to acquaint themselves would be good, and then they could be off.

But she wouldn't have the time to fully think her ideas through; she could feel the presence of Larkin coming. Though they hadn't been together long, she was coming increasingly used to it, recognizing it from farther away. He was with another presence, unfamiliar, but she felt no harm in it and pushed it away for the present. Xierra allowed him to approach her, still remaining in her meditation pose with her eyes closed for a few moments longer. Perhaps Larkin's first lesson would be patience. It never hurt to teach something in everything, even in unexpected places. Just like Master Revisc.

A couple of minutes later she felt he had waited long enough and opened her eyes and smiled at him. "Don't worry. It gave me some time to meditate and spend some time to refresh myself like I haven't gotten to in quite awhile. You're right on time." Xierra unfolded her legs from earlier and planted her feet back on the ground, moving over to the side of the bench to give her padawan room to sit. She waited for him to get the idea that she wanted him to join her there before she turned to him again. Best to start at first with something simple before moving on to the deeper questions that were tickling at her since meeting him days before. "Are you enjoying your time here at the Temple, on Coruscant?"

[Blue]

After he had spoken, the silence stretched on. Larkin's brow furrowed as he was apparently ignored, his headache growing. Then he thought on the fact that only moments ago he was wishing to be ignored by that girl he had encountered, Lil'jah, when she had approached him and refused to leave him alone. Even when she had helped him find the Room of a Thousand Fountains all he had wanted was for her to leave him. The young Padawan had been alone for most of his life; why would he start wanting company now?

His master had finally begun answering him, telling him that she had been meditating and that she was not bothered about his tardiness. She unfolded her legs and slid along the bench she was sitting on, indicating that he should take a seat beside her. Larkin sat down on the bench, his back remaining as straight as a pole. He would not be able to get comfortable whilst there were so many people around. His master asked him if he had been enjoying his time in the Temple and Coruscant in general. The Padawan paused before answering, finding it difficult to put the sensations he was experiencing into words.

"Not particularly", he replied shortly. He considered leaving it there but during his short time with the Falleen Jedi he predicted that she would just keep prying until he spoke again, and so decided to try to get it over with now. The pain flickered across his normally empty face once more, almost impossible to see beneath his scarf and goggles.

"Everything is so... loud here. I am finding it difficult to think", Larkin said, struggling to speak of his feelings out loud.

He was not used to this. Nobody had asked him such questions since before he was brought to the Temple on Rhen Var, when he was still in the company of his family, the nomadic people that dwelt in the Sandbox. Even then, such things were rare and left for when the sun was still up, a time when the sand-wolves and dune-worms and Raiders where less likely to attack. There was no room for softness when there where such dangers nearby, ready to pounce the moment you were distracted.

Larkin glanced around the room swiftly, taking everything in as quickly as he could. Just thinking about such things had brought back all his memories of that place, all the dangers and threats. Inside his sleeve, his hand clasped onto the wooden shiv he had carved. Even here, with his senses assaulted by the sheer blast of noise around him, he would not allow himself to be made another victim of an uncaring universe.

To be fair, Larkin knew that in this room the noise level was actually rather low. It was a place of meditation after all and was supposed to be quiet. But for some reason or another it was still roaring with sound to him. The young man had no clue as to why this was. All he knew was that it made his head hurt and put him on edge. He remembered how he had almost stabbed Lil'jah when she had approached him. Normally that would have never have happened. Normally it was difficult to sneak up on him. But that feeling he got when something was off was being drowned out by the noise of this world.

That instinct had always been with him. That he could not listen to it properly was not a comforting thought.

[Mara]

Xierra turned her gaze away from Larkin before deciding on how best to respond to his answer. Her dark eyes focused on an arrangement of plants across the way situated around a pool of water featuring a small waterfall. For the Jedi Knight the image was calming, as was everything about this area of the Temple. Though she hadn't had much time in the past year or two, or even since becoming a padawan herself, to visit the Room, she cherished every moment she did visit. Especially during times of extreme stress or hardship, the oxymoronic quietness and loudness of the life Force within was a great help. Even a half-hour spent within the company of the water and fauna granted her relief and re-tuned her focus.

Despite all that, she could see how this place could be rather overwhelming for her new padawan. She didn't know much about him yet--the very purpose of this meeting hoped to solve that--but from what she had garnered from their conversation on Taris, and with a few of the others there, he had come from a vastly different world, one without much display of life as there was in here. Perhaps, like in the courtyard on Taris where they had met, all this flow of the Force was indeed shorting out his circuits. For someone used to a planet like his homeworld and later the icy void of Rhen Var, a place like Taris, especially Coruscant, would be enough to stress anyone out, let alone a Force-user.

She felt that she might need different tactics with Larkin. Xierra had hoped to try a similar exercise as she had in the Taris courtyard, but right now she believed that would just prove too much for the boy to handle. If he was overwhelmed there, here in the greenery and full-on display of the Force surrounding them, she might just damage Larkin further, instead of encouraging his growth as a Jedi. No, it might be best to work slowly, perhaps try to take his mind off of his current state with easy conversation.

Looking back at him, she smiled at him in what she hoped would be sympathy and a bit of understanding. The last thing she wanted to do was think his answer was wrong, or that she was disappointed in it. Because he was not incorrect. Rather, Xierra quite appreciated the boy's honesty. Again, reminding her of herself as his age in yet another way, reestablishing to any more of her few harbored doubts that she had made the right decision.

Her face turned back to the pool of water she had been studying earlier. Xierra nodded slowly, some of her black hair swaying against her shoulders. "Yes. There is quite a bit of life here, of the Force, isn't there?" She had meant the question to be rhetorical and didn't expect an answer. In fact, she implied with her tone that for the moment that matter was finished with.

Without looking back at him, she went on, softly. "Tell me about what's troubling you." Xierra was a bit surprised by what she had said, but did not regret it. Asking about his family or his upbringing would only do more harm than good; attachments were no good to Jedi. But she sensed in the Force that his response hadn't been the only thing on his mind. There was quite a turmoil going on underneath that scarf and those goggles. The Knight knew she needed to get to the bottom of this if there were ever to move forward. Perhaps it would lead her to a solution, the best way to train him, or retrain him, in the Force.

[Blue]

Larkin played with the hem of his sleeve as he thought on what he was supposed to say, or rather, how to explain himself. The question itself had been simple enough, but the answer... the answer would prove far more difficult to voice. Not that it was overly complicated. His senses had been dulled by the mass amount of life pounding away at his head from all around him, drowning out the one thing that had managed to keep him safe all his life; his instincts.

It made the young man edgy, nervous. Made him feel stupid and slow, as he was moving in a viscous liquid. Where he was usually at one with his senses, here they seemed frazzled and left his disorientated. Larkin shook his head. It had been closing on two minutes since the question had been asked and he needed to reply with something.

"Where... where I came from", Larkin began to explain in his whisper like voice. "You had to keep your senses sharp. If you did not, then you died. No second chances, you would be claimed by the sands. On that planet, there were only a few of us. On Rhen Var, the Temple was relatively small in comparison to others. Many of the Jedi where absent from the Taris Temple, but here..." Larkin paused, looking around at the quiet fountain room.

"Here, I'm drowning in life. There is just... too much. I can't hear my body anymore. I can't tell whether I should go left or right, fight or flee, speak or stay silent. And I have always known. I feel... disembodied". There was a long pause before he spoke again.

"I almost stabbed a girl not long ago. A Padawan. She saw me, asked if I needed help and she caught me by surprise. I never get caught by surprise. I turned and nearly buried this in her neck", the Padawan continued, pulling the shiv of carved wood out from his baggy sleeve. He fiddled with it, spinning it deftly between his fingers. "I want... I need space. I need silence. I need..."

"I need solitude", Larkin finished. He kept his eyes on the carved wooden weapon. His voice had remained level and calm throughout his talk but here it wavered a little, showing the scarred, terrified child beneath.

"I can't stand being around... people".

[Mara]

She waited quietly for Larkin to explain what was going on inside of himself, still looking at the small waterfall in front of her. Time ticked away, and Xierra knew he must be trying to figure out what to say, how to answer, how much of an answer to give. The aura of disease around her padawan was easy to discern, even without the Force. Xierra had not been wrong in her assessment that something was bothering him, something besides the overwhelming force of life in the Room. Perhaps it had aided in bringing his troubles to the forefront, but she could feel that there was something bigger beyond all of that. She just hoped that once he voiced it she would be able to help him.

He began to speak, again in that soft voice of his, and Xierra remained silent, listening. She did not want to interrupt his thoughts; it would be best if he just got everything out now. Afterwards, she could figure out how to respond to him. What he said about his homeworld was not a complete surprise to the Falleen. In the brief time they had spent together, along with asking other knights at Taris, she had put together pieces of the puzzle. But the degree of the harshness of living there was something that was new to her. Xierra turned her gaze from the waterfall to some of the plant life growing to the left of it, keeping her eyes and face out of his sight. This was one area where her own life did not parallel his; her parents had been fairly well appointed, and as a young one she had been surrounded by nannies. She couldn’t think of what it must have been like for Larkin, but then again, it was all he had known.

Xierra took a deep breath but otherwise didn’t move as Larkin continued on, expositing on his earlier statement about the fullness of life at the Temple and especially where they sat in the Room of a Thousand Fountains. For her the abundance of the Force was relaxing and comforting to know it was there. In those times where she had felt unsure about anything, she could come here or anywhere similar and be strengthened. For her padawan, though, this could not be the case right now. For a child used to desolation, the Room was like an explosion in his mind, blasting through everything he was used to knowing, to seeing. She knew then that she would have a lot more a challenge before her than she had originally thought. The knight would have to reacquaint her padawan to the Force, effectively starting him from scratch. He would get nowhere fast if he continued to be overwhelmed by the presence of the Force surrounding him. It had to be an ally, not an enemy.

Her eyes widened as his words entered the silence he had enacted, perhaps unsure of whether to tell her or not. Xierra was glad that she still had her face turned away; it wouldn’t do to show him the look of horror displayed there. If he had been a new youngling, she may have taken the incident in stride; from time to time some of the young ones had trouble adjusting to their new environment. She herself had been a bit wild upon first arriving. But that had been leached out of her from further teaching and instruction at the Temple and later with her master. However with Larkin, he was a padawan now, the oldest a youngling could be before… There it was, the reason he had been waiting so long for a master. It must be. No one else had wanted the challenge, of what they must have thought a hopeless gesture for the boy. Now more than ever she knew she had to instruct him.

Another deep breath as she tried to find the words to respond to him. Obviously she would have to bring him somewhere where it would be just the two of them. Only there could she begin his training anew. If she tried teaching him anything anywhere in the Temple, there could be more instances of the same he had just described to her. It wasn’t good that he couldn’t focus on his Force awareness while surrounded with the Force. She would have thought something like that would have been impossible until she had met Larkin. But before they just picked up and took to the stars, she needed to finish what she started. She had to help him, at least somewhat. Xierra couldn’t let her padawan think she was prone to letting things stay unfinished.

Finally, she turned her gaze, but instead of looking at her padawan, her dark eyes focused on the weapon in his hand. As she looked for the right words, she took a hold of the shiv with the Force and pulled it towards her, where it would land in her hand if Larkin’s grip were relaxed. They had barely scratched the surface of what his troubles were, but Xierra felt he had said enough for her to speak again, to start on the path of healing. “I will not tell you that I understand what you’re feeling inside, because I cannot. It would be wasted breath.

However…” She looked up from her hands and into the goggles of her padawan before going on, her words soft and without any harshness. “I do know what it is like for the Force to feel cloudy. To get so lost in other thoughts and actions that I am taken by surprise. You have had a hard life, but you also have the gift of the Force, and you must learn to lean on that for your strength. Larkin, you are a Jedi now, if only a padawan learner, no longer a settler fighting for your life. I will not ask you to forget what you have learned as a child—it could prove yourself, just as anything you are taught--but you can no longer let it lead you. The Force is now your guide, as well as I am. And I will help you find that of which is hiding inside, if you will let me, and gradually your inner turmoil will shrink. It will likely never completely disappear, but it will no longer rule you. Do you understand?” Xierra hoped she was getting through to her padawan, because she wasn’t sure of what other tactics she could try to get through to him.

[Blue]

There was a pause between the master and student while the older of the two contemplated his words. Larkin fiddled with the small wooden shiv in his hands, twirling it loosely between his dexterous fingers. It was a nervous tick, one he often had when on the Sandbox during the scorching days. They had to stay in the shade of their tents during those times, for if one left the protective cover one could end up dehydrated in a single hour.

The young lad almost jumped when his master gently lifted the makeshift weapon up out of his nervous fingers and into her steady palm. She proceeded to speak, explaining how, even though she could not fully understand what he had been through, she used the Force as guide and comfort during times when she too had a foggy mind. Larkin frowned. He had never really considered the Force as anything other than another natural... well, force. Something that the clever and skilled could use as an advantage over those that did not understand it, another tool in ones arsenal of survival.

Of course, he had always found it hard to grasp the concept his masters back on Rhen Var had tried to instill in him. But here, where the lifeforce of everything was baring down on him so hard it almost made it hard to breath let alone see and think, the padawan had to admit that in this thing he may have been wrong. The wind blew, waters flowed, fire burned and earth stabilized, but the Force... It truly did permeate everything. He felt it, overwhelmingly so. It wasn't just another form of nature; it was nature. The living, breathing embodiment of the universe.

As the realization hit Larkin, very little expression showed on his face, as usual. But the frown vanished from his young face. The tension eased from his wiry frame and the pain became somewhat less unbearable. He no longer felt as if he was being pushed to the ground by an overpowering pressure and although the life of Coruscant still pounded on his mind, it suddenly seemed more understandable. It was a small step, he knew. But it was a step nevertheless.

Larkin noticed that the Falleen Jedi had finished speaking and was looking at him. The bleak faced boy gave her a thin, almost imperceptible smile.

"Learn the past's lessons, but feel no remorse. Accept your pain, but show no fear. Take what you must, but leave all else behind", the boy said quietly. "I feel that I have failed all three of those tenets. And I think that I have been wrong, Master Zalq. About a great many things".

Larkin looked out at the fountain room once more, trying to see it beyond the mass of activity he had previously seen. Despite his personal revelation, it was difficult to see through it. He saw nothing of the beauty of nature that his master had spoken of back on Taris, only what was in front of his eyes.

But he knew that there was something else beneath. And perhaps that was a start.

[Mara]

(((I don’t think it’s one of my best, but hopefully it makes sense… ;p)))


As she had been speaking, Xierra had noticed a change in the aura of the Force around Larkin. She almost could see the glow panel switching on within her padawan. There had been no outward evidence of her words penetrating his mind, but she could tell that inside something had gotten through. What had been bothering him wasn’t completely gone, but through the Force she felt that it had eased up a bit. He was beginning to understand. And for that, she was thankful. There was still a lot to be taught and learned, but Xierra could see the tiny seed that had been planted there. All she had to do was figure out how to cultivate it.

Such thoughts made her smile inwardly. Master Revisc would have been proud of her if he had still been around. She was becoming more and more like her human master as the days went on, and she hadn’t fully realized it until the last few moments, talking to Larkin. Xierra knew the words she had spoken were her own, but also not completely. Her master’s teachings were forever imbedded in her being, and here she was imparting that knowledge to her padawan. It was an odd feeling, knowing that she was now the instructor, no longer the student, but it was also a good feeling. Master Revisc’s knowledge would never be lost.

She nodded to her padawan’s reply, not agreeing that he had been wrong but acknowledging that he had indeed understood what she had said to him. That the Force had many things to offer and was not simply like the shiv she had taken from him, a tool to use when needed. Yes, it could be a weapon, but it was so much more. It was in the life all around them, surrounding them, penetrating them. It was strength and healing and comfort. Just as she had tried explaining to him, here and on Taris earlier.

Though she knew it must have been painful for Larkin to admit that he had been wrong, Xierra took it as a good sign that he was ready. Ready to replace his earlier lessons with new ones about the Force. “I believe that admitting the existence of a fault in one’s knowledge is the first step to learning something new. Now that you know that, hopefully we can move forward together. As I said earlier, what starts now, with us, will never completely replace what you learned as a young child, but it will be your foundation, your rock. The rest is just merely part of your past now, just as anything is.”

Xierra turned away from her padawan then, looking into the distance, her dark eyes focused on the waterfall again but not truly seeing it. Her eyes were turned inward, remembering one of her earlier lessons. It was something she had thought she had always understood, but now, hearing Larkin’s words and her own, it was as if she found yet another meaning for it. “‘There is no emotion; there is peace. There is no ignorance; there is knowledge. There is no passion; there is serenity. There is no death; there is the Force.’ Recommit those words to your mind, Larkin. They are the beginning of your training in the Force and acknowledging its place in the universe.”

Giving time to let her words sink in and to let Larkin think about them, Xierra remained quiet. It would be better for him to further work out anything that may be still troubling him about his epiphany of earlier. To think about why exactly he had been wrong and about what. To further think about what he was beginning to understand about the real nature of the Force. She could lecture him all day, but only the boy himself would truly be able to figure out which tenets were as easy to understand as second nature and which ones were difficult to grasp.

Closing her eyes, she let the life in the courtyard sweep around her, bringing it closer and helping it wash over her padawan. The Knight began to think of what their next step together would be, once she felt Larkin was sufficiently ready to leave the Room and begin some real training. The Temple was out of the question, that was sure. Besides, she felt it was better for learning with a group of Jedi, and what she and Larkin needed was some alone time. They could return when she was prepared to leap into the realm of lightsaber training and combat, but Xierra knew they had to focus on the basics first. Take away all distractions and start back at the beginning. Various locations began swirling through her head, planets full of life and empty of major settlements. Ideas began to form. Once they were finished here, she knew what would be next for her and her padawan.

[Blue]

The young padawan listened to his master as she spoke, telling him how they would now begin his training proper and that what he knew before would never truly leave him but instead be molded into something more, something stronger and, hopefully, better. The Falleen asked him to think upon the Jedi Code, and Larkin mused.

He had always thought that there were many similarities between the mantra his people had taught him and the Code. Both emphasized on detaching oneself from your emotions for a greater purpose. The results each one focused on where completely different, however. The Code tried to teach absence of emotion to embrace calm, while the mantra Larkin was brought up with was there to remind people that you needed to distance oneself to be able to survive. This was true back in the Sandbox when a lapse in concentration due to panic or anger would lead to a swift death, but in the rest of galaxies did it work as well? He had not seen enough of the universe to say for sure one way or another. For now, he concentrated on the Jedi Code.

There is no emotion; there is only peace.

Well, he knew he had his emotions well under control. As soon as this thought occurred though, doubt settled in. Did he really? Had he not panicked when surprised by the girl, so much so that he nearly stabbed her? Had he not grown angry back on Taris whilst recalling all the times the other children had mocked or avoided him? And even if he did have his emotions under control, he was certainly not at peace. If he was then this place would not be having the effect on him that it was.

There is no ignorance; there is knowledge.

This part had always confused Larkin. There was ignorance in the world, far more ignorance than knowledge at any rate. Learned men and women will always be outnumbered by the angry, violent masses that were all too eager to point their fingers while blindfolded by their own stupidity. But perhaps it meant that one could always develop in areas one was not adept in? If so, this was another part of the Code he seemed to have failed at miserably.

There is no passion; there is serenity.

Larkin was certain that this was simply the first line repeated. In any case, he was neither passionate or serene, so again this was a pass and fail to him.

There is no death; there is the Force.

The young lad had no idea what his views were on life after death, if there was indeed any form of afterlife. The Jedi had taught him that when a they passed on they became one with the Force. Larkin had dismissed this claim as fancy words meaning that they became one with the earth and entered the cycle of feeding the soil and insects. After the insight he just had though, he wondered if there was more to it than that after all. IT was certainly something he would ask about at a later date.

Larkin suddenly felt something brush past him. Startled the young man tensed up again and he reached for his shiv before remembering that it was no longer in his possession. It had felt like a breeze, but no wind was passing through the courtyard. His goggled eyes flashed across the yard, looking for some sort of source. Whatever it was had set him right on edge once more.

[Mara]

Xierra felt Larkin’s Force presence diminish slightly as he turned in on himself to ponder on her words. She felt it was a good sign for the future that her padawan had the patience and fortitude to do so, instead of just blurting out the first idea that came to his lips. Perhaps it meant she was just getting through to him, the young man beginning to see the benefit of meditation, of being one with the Force. Or perhaps it was just the boy’s nature, as she had also noticed, since meeting him, that he tended to choose his responses carefully. Sometimes, she thought, almost too carefully, as if he was looking for a right answer. But that would be another lesson for another time. For now, Xierra just wanted him to come to terms with all that he’d learned, in childhood, in the Temple, and presently, with her.

She gave him a small encouraging push with the Force and then withdraw from him, wanting to give him the privacy he needed. The Falleen opened her eyes, letting them wander throughout the courtyard, noticing all the flora, the water, a few other Jedi also meditating in various corners. Xierra sucked in a deep breath of air, letting it further calm her and give her some insight for helping her padawan. Even if she had decided where their new big step would be, there were still some smaller steps to finish up here. It was, she thought now, an awful lot to take in at once. She had pretty much forced new ideals on him, saying that his old ones, while not wrong, were not the best way of thinking. Larkin had to rethink almost everything.

Her padawan was still quiet, and she could tell he was concentrating and thinking hard, even without using the Force. Maybe she had pushed too much on him at once. They could always continue in this line of teaching another time, unless he came up with questions. Perhaps something a bit more light-hearted would be the best. Xierra’s gaze still on her padawan, she contemplated his attire. She didn’t mind that he was dressed oddly; if one looked at all the xenodiversity of the Temple, Larkin would be classified normal, almost boring. But still, it was yet another reminder of his past. But again, she felt she would have to broach that topic later as well. Xierra didn’t want to overwhelm him any more than she already had.

Turning back to a nearby flowering tree, Xierra dug deep within herself, looking for some wise tenet of Master Revisc’s that could help her calm her own padawan. But nothing came. All she had was her knowledge gained under his tutelage, but nothing specific that she could speak to Larkin. She pulled in the Force, hoping for some insight there as well, but it was blank. Xierra supposed she would just have to go with her gut, which, ironically was one of her master’s favorite things to say. Some simpler questions would be best to break the tension. They could get to know one another more. Then afterwards, at a new location, she could return to a lesson of feeling the Force, of the basics of Jedi teachings.

Feeling a shift in the Force around Larkin, Xierra at first thought he was ready to speak, and she shifted to look at him. But instead of sensing his presence more open and ready to discuss the Code or anything else he had been thinking about, he seemed surprised and not in a good way. The first thing that came to her mind was not a welcome one, but accurate. The Falleen’s view of her padawan’s actions reminded her of a small prey animal who had sensed a predator and was looking around for the danger.

Taking a calming breath and using the Force to aid her, she moved closer to Larkin and placed a hand lightly on his shoulder. Afraid they may have had a setback, Xierra decided to address his obvious distress, hoping to get to the bottom of it, perhaps using it as a further teaching tool or a transition for some lighter conversation as they further explored the master/student relationship. “What’s wrong? What happened?” She didn’t act disappointed in him but let some concern into her Force presence, looking into his goggles. Xierra didn’t think it was any real immediate danger—she would have felt that herself—but needed to ask him anyway.

[Blue]

It had gone as quickly as it came. It had felt like a brief sensation on his skin, but it was somehow deeper than that. Had someone in the courtyard been using the Force and he had somehow felt it? The young man could not think of any other explanation for the feeling. The tension slowly started to recede from him as this realization came to him.

As his readiness for combat faded away, it occurred to him that it had been perhaps his master beside him that had done it. Maybe to try and help him relax? Seeing what the result had been, it almost made him laugh. He obviously still had a long time to go until he had adjusted to her way of doing things, it seemed. His master was asking what the matter was, placing a hand on his shoulder. Larkin shuddered at the physical contact. He was far from adjusted to such things, just as he was unfamiliar with most of the concepts Master Zalq was introducing him too.

"I am fine, Master, Larkin said quietly, killing the shudder he had felt with a stab of concentration. "I am just... trying to adjust to everything. It is still all very... strange to me right now. Being around people alone is still quite... taxing".

Looking around the courtyard again, Larkin saw nothing else that could have set off the feeling he had experienced. There were only a few other people there, excluding the ones that were simply passing through or close by. None of his normal instincts had kicked off, but seeing as those instincts had almost lead him to killing that girl, that was not saying much. As he had thought before, that absence of something he had always had with him was what had caused him to go on edge. Add in the presence of so many people and the size of the Temple and he was an accident waiting to happen. He certainly hoped that whatever step in training that came next happened elsewhere. Preferably somewhere quieter. And emptier.

"Will we be staying on Coruscant much longer, master? Will we be training here?" Larkin asked. His voice was the same, bland tone, but he dearly hoped that they were not. Perhaps in time he would be able to cope with being on a planet that was so alive, but not today. Maybe not even for many years to come.

[Mara]

She had been surprised at her padawan’s reaction to her touch. Larkin had visibly flinched at the contact of her hand, light as it was. Xierra had immediately removed her from his shoulder but continued to pour reassurance into the Force and to her padawan. Though, she supposed belatedly, she shouldn’t have been surprised at his reaction. Taking into consideration her brief experiences with the boy so far, he had been understandably quite jumpy. She had thought it was mostly due to the change of environment, the newness of being finally with a master. But there was also his background to consider. Of the little she knew, it was probably a quite involuntary, automatic reaction. Again, Xierra wondered if she had taken on more than she could handle with this padawan, but she knew that the Force was rarely wrong, knew that it and her master were leading her down this path. She would just have to stick it out and see where it led.

The Falleen wasn’t sure she completely believed her padawan when he answered her inquiries, stating that he was fine. While she did believe that he was having difficulties adjusting, as he had just said, she didn’t feel the conviction in his voice. And it wasn’t because he had said it softly; she had gotten used to his quiet methods of conversing with her. No, his reaction had been so sharp of one that she didn’t think it could just easily disappear as quickly as it had come. Something had bothered him, disturbed him, but he wasn’t saying what, and Xierra couldn’t discern a concrete reason in the Force.

Though wanting to get to the bottom of it, Xierra decided to let his answer go for now; pestering him about it now would probably only make matters worse, make Larkin draw further into himself. And that was something she didn’t want. It would only give them a steeper hill to climb during his training. She was trying to bring his feelings and emotions, his connection to the Force, out into the open, not bury them deeper. So she simply nodded to him and smiled as warmly as she could, wiping any worry from her features. “All right. I understand.”

Seeing her padawan look away and back around the Room, she remained quiet. She really wanted to help him, but in order to do she would have to work more slowly with Larkin. Perhaps bringing him to the Room of a Thousand Fountains had been the wrong move. Just because the place was soothing for her didn’t mean it would be for her padawan. He had had a very different upbringing. What was like a relaxing stream to her was like a violent tsunami for him. Xierra couldn’t even imagine how overwhelming this place could feel, or just the Temple in general, for a boy like Larkin.

His question brought her out of her thoughts, and she turned her dark-eyed gaze back on her padawan. She shook her head, her loose black hair swinging slightly. “No. I had thought so, but now… I don’t believe it would be a good idea.” Xierra smiled, trying to lighten the mood with her face and with the Force. “With us newly joined as master and student, among other things, going somewhere where we would be alone would be the best environment to start our lessons.” She hadn’t come right out and said it, masking it with another, very true reason, but it was there: knowing that Larkin had a lot to overcome, present experiences as evidence, it would be best to isolate him from other Jedi, from more overt displays of the Force.

Xierra stood up and motioned with her hand that he should follow him, leaving the actual location up in the air for the moment. “Come. Let’s take a walk and chat.” Not only would it get her padawan out of the Room of a Thousand Fountains and away what she had thought must be the source of his earlier disturbance, but continuing a conversation while moving would hopefully hold his attention on other matters. He wouldn’t have the time, she thought, to focus all too much on what was surrounding him if he was listening to her. And if all went well, he would relax again, and there would be no more incidents this day.

Back out into the Temple proper, a fair distance from the courtyard, strolling along one of the many hallways, the Falleen Knight decided to broach something she had been curious about. Of course, there was a great deal she didn’t yet know about her padawan, but she was certain this would be one he would be willing to explain now. The rest could wait for another time. She glanced down at him a moment before looking back up, down the hall. Xierra kept her voice light as she spoke, keeping her presence in the Force soothing alongside her padawan. “Now, Larkin… I don’t believe that is your given name but your family name. Is there anything else you would like me to call you?” She supposed she could force him to reveal his name to her, explain that it would help in their relationship, but even though it was a simple request, she couldn’t be sure quite how he would respond. Best to leave it open-ended for now; if he wanted her to know, he would say so. If not… she would just ask another time.

[Blue]

Larkin almost breathed a sigh of relief when his master let the matter drop. Had she inquired any further, he would not have know what it was he would say. The truth, that he felt the touch of the Force and became startled, was ground that, he felt, they had already covered and he did not like repeating himself. He was new to densely populated planets and places. It drowned out his instincts, which made him jumpy. That was all there was the boy could think of.

The padawan nodded when Master Zalq announced that they would not be training on Coruscant. The reason she gave made sense to him and he was glad that his reaction to the Temple and the planet had not knocked his training to far out of the way. After the bombardment to his sense that Coruscant had turned out to be, Larkin was happy that they would be doing some exercises. Physical training was an excellent method of clearing the mind of doubt, allowing one to simply go through the motions of the exercise without having to think about anything. It did not hurt to know that it would be away from excessive levels of people.

When his master suggested that they go for a walk, Larkin jumped at the opportunity to leave the fountain room. The chat part he was not so sure about. He knew that as his master she would have to get to know him at least a little bit, but that did not make the idea of talking any easier. He felt as if he had spoken enough today. Already he had used his voice far more than he was used to and his throat was beginning to get sore.

After they had walk a fair distance away from the room of fountains, his master sprung a question on him that he had not expected. Did she want to know his given name? An odd request. He had already given her the name he would have himself called by. What point would there be for another? But, he conceded, she must have some reason to ask.

"Back where I came from, we were only called our given names by our immediate family or closest friends", Larkin explained. "To everyone else, we were called only by our second names".

As he spoke, memories started to come to him. The taste of sand and sharp winds whipping about him, the laughs of the few other children, his parents smiling down at him as he handed them something he had traded with one of the other families as a present for them.

"It was Kol", Larkin said, so softly that he might not have spoken at all. "My name was Kol". He felt a deep sadness fall upon him, his mind casting back to when he was much younger and, despite the terribly harsh conditions, much happier. But just as quick as it came it vanished and Larkin returned to the present, burying the memories.

"Larkin is what I am called by now", the boy said, his tone blank once more.

[Mara]

As they walked, Xierra could feel her padawan’s presence in the Force flicker with surprise in response to her simple question. At least to her, it was simple. Obviously she was willing to keep calling him Larkin for the foreseeable future, but a part of her felt that having something more personal to address him with would help with his training. For her, the name Larkin still retained a small barrier inside of it that might hinder her completely getting through to her padawan. It seemed too formal for a relationship such as theirs would be. But she also could not force him to give up his first name. Hopefully he would see it that way and feel more at ease at revealing the name.

She kept her dark eyes ahead as her padawan answered, explaining the reasoning behind which name he had given her upon their first introductions, and nodded her head. It made sense to her. Xierra knew that different cultures and species have different ways of doing things. She could respect Larkin’s earlier decision. He had just been acting in the traditions that had raised him before coming to the Jedi, not wanting to give away too much to a stranger.

Xierra, however, was also acting in the tradition that had raised her, which was more Jedi than Falleen, considering her age upon entering the Temple. And now she wanted to consider that they were no longer strangers with one another. Yes, they had a master-padawan relationship, but there was no reason that it had to be a stuffy, strict one. If the Force was with them, she would be Larkin’s master until he had passed his Trials and became a Knight. Over that time, they would become like family, just as she had with her former master. She just had to make Larkin see it that way.

He spoke his real name then, and she would have missed it, if the hallway hadn’t been so empty or her focus so much on her padawan. It seemed more than just his usual softness of speech. Xierra gently probed with the Force surrounding the boy and felt sadness there, briefly. Evidently her question and his respective answer had dredged up some memories of his past. She was not sorry, though. He would have to deal with his past eventually, and if she could bring their relationship closer, it would be a lot easier to do so.

Stopping, she closed her eyes briefly, pulling on the Force for strength and the right words to say. After a couple of deep breaths, she opened them and turned to her padawan, lowering her tall frame so that they would be face-to-face. Xierra wanted to place her hands on his shoulders for extra reassurance, but his earlier reaction gave her pause. She settled for merely pouring it through the Force and giving him a small smile and looking into his goggles. “Larkin, I’m very glad you confided in me. It means a great deal. But my greatest wish is that together, as master and student, we will become close friends, even family. It is because of this that I asked you this question. And I believe it would benefit our relationship greatly if you would allow me to use your given name. Is that all right… Kol?” She left it at that, bracing herself for whatever reaction would come from her padawan at her speaking his name aloud.

[Blue]

When he had finished peaking his master stepped close to him, lowering herself so that she could look him in the face properly. Larkin fought off the urge to pull away from such direct contact. It was simply her way of doing things, and he would have to adjust to it eventually. If he did not then the next few years would become quite intolerable for the both of them. There was certainly a clash of cultures between the two of them that may make things difficult but they were Jedi. Adapting to other cultures and their ways was something of an essential aspect of the calling, given to how they were dispatched to so many different worlds.

Xierra spoke about wanting to develop a closer partnership and Larkin found himself growing confused again. As he understood things, most Jedi kept everything at a distance to avoid growing too attached to a specific person or place. The young padawan could understand how a closer relationship could benefit the speed and effectiveness of his learning, but it ran a dangerous risk of them becoming far too attached to one another. Speaking a persons first name was, to him at least, one of the most emotionally intimate things another could do, usually reserved for, as he mentioned before, the closest of family or a lover. After joining the Order, Larkin had simply assumed that it would never be spoken again, given how the Jedi viewed such close levels of affection.

When his master spoke his name aloud, it was like something sharp had been stabbed into his heart. Hearing his name from his own mouth was one thing, but to hear it uttered by another was almost too much to bear. It was the first time since childhood that it had been said, the last time it being spoken by his mother as she urged him to run as she was cut down by Raiders during their last stand at the Jedi ship. His breath caught in his throat as Larkin attempted to speak. He reminded himself once more that the Falleen most likely had a different way of doing things. Names were probably not as big a thing to her as it was to him, just as he was sure certain things he did or said seemed disrespectful to her while being normal to himself. It was not a display of arrogance or an attempt at mockery. To her, it was doubtlessly a show of gentle affection.

Still, it stung quite badly and Larkin forced himself to calm. No insult or slight was meant here, just a well meaning criss-cross collision of cultures. He would have to adjust to it, as he was certain it would happen again at some point.

"If you feel that you must, master", Larkin replied without emotion, his goggles and worn scarf effectively hiding any hint of his thoughts that may have been shown externally. Of course, the odds of him covering his internal ticks against his master was unlikely. She seemed rather proficient at reading him, despite his efforts to cloak his deeper reactions.

"Although, as I understand things, such close relationships are generally frowned upon by our Order. Is that not why we are taken from our families in the first place?" Larkin continued, the cold, even tone he had been using persisting here as he spoke.

[Mara]

(((Argh… tricky, tricky. I’m trying not to let her sound like a heretic here. Hopefully I’ve succeeded, ahahaha. ;p)))


Sadness engulfed her as she felt her padawan’s reaction in the Force at having his name spoken aloud by her. But she continued to let reassurance pour towards Larkin, not letting her emotions show on her features. It would only make things worse if he got even the slightest hint that she might be the least bit disappointed in him. Xierra wanted to pull him closer and embrace him but again stopped herself. Though a close relationship was what she wanted, she also could not go as far as to smother him. She was his master, not his mother, and he was her student, not her child. Despite the similarities their relationship might take.

She was feeling a bit disjointed being with this boy, a bit out of sorts since she had first encountered him back on Taris. The Falleen had never thought of herself as an overly empathetic or cuddly being and knew that other Jedi she had met would agree. It wasn’t that she was unkind or hadn’t a heart, but Xierra just preferred action to platitudes. But now everything seemed to be changing, including herself. Inwardly she smiled at her memory of her former master, lightly scolding him for his rightness in sending this boy to her. Master Revisc worked in mysterious ways, even from beyond. Larkin was in her care for a reason, and she could not screw it up.

Feeling that her padawan was gaining control of himself, although not completely, she waited for any response he might give her. She was prepared for any answer and was willing to let it go for now. It was an awful lot for Larkin to take in in a short amount of time. But if he shied away now, she would come back with the same question later. Xierra no doubts about that. They needed something to cement their relationship together and remove some of the formality. She would have thought it awful strange if Master Revisc had called her ‘Zalq’ all throughout her training. Surnames were deeply impersonal.

Larkin spoke, assenting to her request, seemingly resigning himself to the inevitable. As if he felt he had to in order to continue his training with her. Xierra felt horrible about it and chided herself for trying to change too many things in Larkin’s life at once. Again, she let reassurance and encouragement flow into the Force surrounding them. She wanted to answer that addressing him as Kol was not a requirement, but she couldn’t find the words. Especially since she had just explained it would help them grow closer together and that it would aid their relationship and his training with her. It was an added element of trust between them. But all she could do was smile at him, kindly but sadly.

Fortunately for her, or unfortunately considering his words, he broke into the silence where she could have replied to his begrudging response. Effectively he was dressing her down, calling into question her reasoning for wanting to call him by his first name, that they should be like family. And Xierra could see how he would think that what she was asking for could be construed as attachment. It was perhaps a fine gray line she was walking, but she was only following the example of her relationship with her former master. They had been close, understandable after so many years together, and yes, she had stumbled a bit after his death, but it had not brought her to the dark. It was just one of the many trials a Jedi had to pass.

Xierra considered her words carefully before trying to explain herself. She didn’t want to confuse Larkin any more than she possibly already had. The Falleen knight took a deep breath and closed her eyes, drawing on the Force for confidence and the right things to say before turning back to her padawan. "Yes, it’s true that attachments to our past or other beings can be unhealthy. They make us forget the bigger picture as we stare at one pixel on a screen. As Jedi, we need to be the keepers of the peace and the guardians of the galaxy, not the protection for one being alone, blind to everything else around us. They distort our focus." She wanted to add that Larkin’s hanging onto his personal name was a form of attachment to his family and his past, but she hoped he’d be able to read between the lines of her words.

"However, this is not what I’m offering for the two of us. I want us to have a relationship built on trust, not one built on past distractions. If I’m to be able to effectively train and guide you and help you on your way to being a full Jedi, there cannot be any hindrance on the level of trust between us. In the coming years, we will need to rely on each other in training, on missions, perhaps even in war. I am not some passive adult you may run into once or twice. I’m your master, your teacher. But, Larkin, I would also like to be your friend. Only then can we fully put each other’s lives in each other’s hands as we go where the Force leads us.

"If you feel you can do that while still holding onto your name, then I will accept it." She paused a moment to let her words sink in. "Does all this make sense? Please, let me know. I’m not used to getting so philosophical." Xierra smiled again then, trying to lighten the mood. Having finished her little speech, she noticed then that the hallway they were standing in the middle of was filling up with Jedi walking around them. She stood up and gestured to a bench a few meters down the way in a little alcove. The knight waited for her padawan to seat himself before she joined him to wait for his response and just hoped that she hadn’t just confused him more.

[Blue]

[[lol, I think you did fine. It was a bit of a tricky question after all. Stupid student, asking difficult questions! XD ]]

Larkin listened patiently while his master spoke, trying to understand her perspective of his question. When she had finished the corridors had once again begun to get busy, so she directed them to a bench, gesturing for him to take a seat. The young boy did so, remaining stiff-backed and uncomfortable in his surroundings. Things were certainly easier now than they had been a little while ago, but he still felt that unease tickling the back of his neck, keeping him on edge. The sooner they left this planet the better.

He thought on what Master Zalq had said to him. She had agreed that Jedi could not afford to grow attached to a single thing or being, since doing so would twist a person's views and actions into self-serving madness. On that front, thought Larkin, he had very little to worry about. After the deaths of his family, he had formed no new attachments, although that was not totally his choice. The children of the Temple wanted very little to do with him, which in the end made things easier for him. He had not exactly been in a place where he had wanted their company.

His master's point went on to change, however, announcing that if they were to train and work together properly they needed to have trust in each other. Larkin could see the truth of this. If you could not trust a person then how would you be able to put your life in their hands, whether it was a basic training session or a life or death situation? You simply could not. She wanted the two of them to be 'friends', beyond the role of master and student. That was, as he understood it from his observations since leaving his home, a normal desire for people to have.

Thinking on his response, he shifted his weight on the bench a little. Sitting this stiffly for so long was making his back ache.

"I understand your point, master", Larkin began. "But if I may make my own? We have known each other only a little while, over which time a lot of things have changed. Don't get me wrong, I do not regret becoming your student. I am thankful and honoured that you selected me as your Padawan. But... I just cannot be asked to trust someone I have only just met. I respect you and your skills as a Jedi Knight, which is a start. We can build trust on respect. But it has to be something that we earn, both of us, over time and hardships. Trust given freely is hollow".

Larkin went silent again, having said what he wanted to say. He did not mean to sound disrespectful or cruel to his master, and he knew she would know this, but asking him for his trust so quickly was something he could not do. It was a thing to be earned, not given. He may have sounded impudent by what he said, but to him it was the truth. And to say that he trusted his master now, to build further trust on that lie, would destroy them before the end. This was what he had been taught by time and observation. This was what he believed.

[Mara]

(((Hahaha, indeed. ;p)))


Knowing that she had said a lot and it could take her padawan a while to digest it all, Xierra made herself comfortable on the bench, giving Larkin all the time he needed. She didn’t want to probe too deeply but still felt an over-arching uneasiness surrounding his Force signature. If it hadn’t always been there, the Falleen would have immediately pinpointed it to their current topic of conversation, of friendship and trust, his given name of Kol. Yes, there was a little bit of that, too, but the general theme of her padawan’s emotions was something she had started to grow used to since meeting him back on Taris. And it was a thought that partially disturbed her. The sooner the better for both of them to start on his real training, far away from the Temple and Coruscant.

Xierra turned her head away from her padawan and out into the growing crowd. A couple of the Jedi passing by slowed to greet her, but she turned them away with a friendly smile and a firm gesture. Any other time she would have been willing to exchange a few words with other Jedi she had met over the years, but Larkin did not need any more distractions right now, deep within his thoughts as he was. Plus, she could tell that he was unsettled by the presence of so many others, just like back in the Room of a Thousand Fountains. Bringing more Jedi closer to his personal space could result in a disaster similar to the one he had confessed to her. She fingered the shiv she had taken from him, still in her hand from earlier, and pocketed it, trying to erase it from her mind. But all she could think of was what was to come, and Xierra knew it would be a hard, bumpy road at times.

Her padawan interrupted her thoughts then, having finally come to a conclusion of his own regarding what she had said. She turned her full attention on him and listened quietly as he spoke, nodding encouragement to him at his question. Briefly she felt some surprise at the length of which he was speaking, but it quickly left her, and Xierra concentrated on what he was saying. At first her heart rate quickened and then sank; the slant of his words made her think that he was going to decline her offer after all, after all the time they had already spent getting to know one another. But then as he continued, she realized it was not the case, and relief flooded her emotions and into the Force around her. Larkin was only concerned about what he had thought of the immediacy of her offer. Xierra breathed a small sigh of relief, glad it was her verbose that bothered him, not something more.

She smiled at Larkin, wanting to touch him, lay a hand on his arm, to comfort, to reassure, getting so far as to start lifting her arm towards him but stopping herself quickly. Again, she had to decline any physical contact with her padawan, instead sending the same feelings to him through the Force. It was just another thing she would have to wait for, whenever Larkin felt their bond and trust was strong enough. The same as his given name or revealing his innermost thoughts.

The Knight nodded at her padawan, keeping up her smile and good feelings in her Force signature, showing that she completely understood what he was saying, before speaking herself. Xierra took a deep breath and just went into it, not bothering to compose her thoughts. She felt that perhaps if she just spoke from the heart instead of trying to sort out her mind into coherent speech she would make much more sense to Larkin. Sometimes too much thought could do more harm than good; her old master had always encouraged her to go with her gut and not spend too much time in her mind.

Ready, she just dove in, hoping she would come across more clearly this time. “I completely agree with you. I’m sorry if you got the wrong impression from what I was saying. I know that the kind of relationship I had mentioned cannot come about overnight. It took years before I had gained that level of trust with my own master. And my hope and wish is that someday we will have the same closeness. I know I will have to earn your trust and friendship and everything else that comes along with a master-padawan relationship, and that you will have to do the same for me. But it can happen, and it can be wonderful. You—we—just have to let it happen.” The Falleen paused, letting her words sink in, hoping she had said the right things. The last thing she wanted to do was continually keep confusing her padawan this early in the game. She wanted to ask him if he understand but merely settled for waiting for a response from the boy.

[Blue]

His master took in all that he had to say and at first she seemed very tense. By the time he had finished speaking, however, she appeared much more relaxed, relieved almost. Perhaps she had been expecting a complete rejection from him? It had been his first instinct at such an apparent rush into a trusting relationship. Someone so desperate to be trusted was usually one who would prove eager to betray the fool who let them in.

But as Master Zalq spoke, Larkin knew that he was safe from that particular pitfall. He had simply misunderstood her intention behind her words. She did not mean to force through trust; she just wanted to let him know that the materials to build the bridge was there for them to work on and in time, hopefully, complete together.

The Falleen raised her arm as if to touch him on the shoulder and he tensed yet again, but had no need to be threatened. Her arm retreated just about as soon as she had raised it, as if she thought better of the idea. Larkin was relieved.

His master was adjusting to his personality, just as he was attempting to adjust to hers. There was potential here for a true master-padawan partnership. Their cultures were so different, yet they both were putting in effort to acclimatise to each other's ways. The young boy hoped that this would continue when it reach the field of battle.

That was where all things reached, in the end, and where all bonds tested.

"I am glad we are of the same mind, master", Larkin replied, nodding his head. The corridor seemed to be emptying out once again after the sudden surge of people, but to him it still felt as if everyone was still pressing up against each other, cutting out all space.

Another thing to adjust to. Nothing more.