Understanding

[Lemur, The Kool-Aid Guy]

Varulla'aba paced back and forth in her quarters at the Sith Temple, or what passed for quarters anyway. It was essentially an alcove at the end of a corridor filled with other alcoves, and there was little there except a low bed and a footlocker.

It was a quiet day, and the only sounds were the the footfalls of her boots on the stone floor and the soft noise of her breathing. Both of them seemed to fill the air as the Twi'lek Sith Initiate paced in small circles, deep in thought and lost to anything else around her.

Since her return from Ziost, where she had been sent to find a necklace and had instead found a mentor, things had been going... less well than she'd expected. To be true, Var's rise in skill was never meteoric. She wasn't an especially fast learner, and she lacked both the power and finesse of others in the Sith Order. The same way it had been amongst the enclave of Dark Jedi she'd first learned the ways of the Dark Side in, and before that in the Jedi Order where she'd first been taught.

But this wasn't just stagnant progress. It was a... stagnant relationship? She was hesitant, and she was unsure. Of both herself and the circumstances. Koeing had agreed to serve as her master, despite the fact that they were both technically Initiates she bowed to his superior power. Everything had gone so perfectly at first. Ziost had seemed like a natural fit. But somehow Var knew nothing could be that simple and easy for her. Everything always had to be complicated.

Since returning to Korriban, they'd spent a lot less time together than she'd expected. He seemed distant to her at times, and she couldn't tell why. But the nagging voice inside her always suggested the worst. It suggested it was her fault. Her weakness was too much for him to train against? Perhaps he'd simply accepted Var wasn't worthy of his time. Or perhaps he'd seen through her barriers and had an idea of how damaged she was. Or worst of all maybe he'd deduced there was something more in the way she looked at him.

That was something she couldn't help herself with. It was embarrassing. And it felt shameful. Of course she had two decades of experience hiding how she really felt. It was second nature to her. And when Var wanted something kept secret, it stayed a secret. Or at least, it had so far.

She doubted that was why they'd strayed farther apart. But she was convinced it had something to do with her. And that was going to change.

Var purposefully directed her stride to take her out of the 'room' and down the corridor. She flexed her hands, the leather gloves that encased them going taught across some parts and loosening in others. It was a part of the Echani light armor she wore. It was light weight enough that it didn't bother her, but it was also firm and reassuring enough to make her feel protected. Or at least more protected from blasters. She had no illusions that it would stop a lightsaber. For that she relied on her own saber, the one she'd carried since she was a Padawan. Her hand idly stroked it as she continued to move to a place she'd never been before, Koeing's quarters.

Her pace never slackened as she made her way there. She'd summoned her bravery, and she was ready. Ready for an answer. Whatever she'd done wrong, she'd set it right. The first step was just to talk. But she wasn't going to lose the first decent relationship she'd had in her life so easily.

Everyone else had always felt forced or condescending. No one had ever seemed to have a genuine interest in her until him. And she wanted that back. She wanted Ziost again.

The Twi'lek Initiate made it into the room, an alcove not too unlike her own, and stood silently before Koeing for a few seconds, her expressive green eyes trained on him.

"Master, I have to apologize. Whatever it is I've done, I'm sorry for it. Just tell me the reason we haven't been training together so I can correct it, and I promise you I will." Var's voice was carefully neutral, and her gaze was confident. It was the practiced 'acting' she was used to. And it was a non-verbal lie, one geared as much to herself as to anyone else. If she could fake being confident well enough, it was just as good as the actual thing.

She fell silent and waited for Koeing to reply, to tell her where exactly she'd gone wrong. And if there was any hope to atone for it.

[Deleted]

Koeing Turion sat within his quarters attempting to meditate, a lot had been on his mind since the return from Ziost. He had aquired the beautiful and intriguing Varulla as his apprentice. However since they returned Koeing had something more important on his mind, something from his past. He kept away from Varulla to protect her from the chance he might have flown in to a rage, he figured being a Sith she wouldn't worry about it so much. He on the other hand had a hard time staying away, she intrigued him very much and it almost hurt not to observe her.

Since returning to Korriban Koeing had been thinking about the loss of his Jedi Master which had caused his turn to the darkside, it was the annversary recently of his death. It always caused some turmoil within Koeing but since taking on Varulla it became harder, he was now taking the role his Master once preformed for him. The thoughts of his old Master, his traitor best friend and Reiishia, the female Jedi Knight whom warned the council of his betrayal.

He swore under his breath, he wished he had killed her then the council would be in the dark, they couldn't be on the look out for him. He began to breathe deep to keep his rage in control, nothing but bad would happen if his rage flew out of control. He could sense Varulla approaching her pressance in the force confusing and angering him, he had hoped she would stay away.

She entered his quarters and he could no longer keep himself under control, she spoke and he knew rationally nothing was her fault, however his rage pinned it on her. She became his outlet for his sudden rage, taking on the role of Reiishia in his mind. He stood slowly and his eyes opened, turning on his heels to face Varulla she would have been able to tell just by his eyes something was quite wrong.

He stared at her with malice, until finally he couldn't wait anylonger, reaching down he grasped the hilt of his Viridian saber and ignited it causing his quarters to glow silverish green. In his minds eye he saw Reiishia standing before him and he shot forward toward Varulla his saber raised coming down in a simple overhead slash. He wasn't capable of higher thought, instincts were powering his body at the moment and so he attacked with simple, yet strong attacks attempting to just overpower her.

He would kill Reiishia if it were the last thing he ever did in his lifespan, he wouldn't suffer her to live. She betrayed him and warned the council, she deserved death, a merciless and painfull one.

[Lemur, The Kool-Aid Guy]

Var took a step back involuntary as Koeing gave her a look of pure malice. There was a depth of hatred in his eyes that she'd never even felt before, that she'd only ever heard of. It was... painful for her to see that. She felt her throat go tight, convinced it was now about her, and that she'd lost her master.

What she hadn't expected was his lightsaber dropping into his hand and activating. The humming filled the air, and Var's jaw dropped. She'd been convinced they'd had something special, but here he was about to kill her.

Before Var could say another word, her master lunged forward with his saber. The Twi'lek grabbed her own off her belt and activated it, the red blade springing to life barely in time to catch a strike that would have cut her literally in two. Her arms burned from the simple Shii Cho block she'd made, the impact of their blades had been intense.

In the tight quarters they were in, it was everything Var could do to just remain alive. Her master was more powerful than her, and he was more skilled than her. But for some reason, his skills weren't in use. This was just... an animal reaction? There wasn't any look of understanding or recognition in the eyes she'd found so attractive, there was only blind rage.

There was hope that maybe, just maybe, he'd snap out of it with time and the right encouragement.

"Its me! Var!" The Twi'lek managed as she deflected another saber blow. "Varulla, your student!"

Even as she hoped those words would register, she felt the strength in her arms fading. She couldn't block it. Her saber was ripped from her hand, and she fell backward onto the ground.

In a last ditch effort to preserve her own life, she extended her hands before her and blindly used a force push. At best she hoped it would bring Koeing back to his senses, and at least she hoped it would give her a window to get her saber back. Or run away.

This was a fight she couldn't win.

[Deleted]

Varulla stood before him trying her hardest to hold back his offensive. He could feel her strength fading as he pressed his attack, he stared at her an animalistic look in his eyes. His tongue traced his elongated canines his instincts telling him he would taste Reiishia's blood soon. His sense of smell however picked up Varulla's scent and he became confused, she called out to him, claiming to be his student and deep within the recesses of his mind something clicked this was wrong.

His last attack knocked her saber clear across his quarters, he stood there over her form staring down at her he was starting to see through his rage. His arm dropped and hung at his side saber in hand until he extinguished the blade and dropped the hilt to the floor. Her sudden force push knocked him backwards and knocked some sense into him however it also irritated the hell out of him.

He glared at Varulla cowering on the otherside of the room from him and his eyes went soft, slowly he finally came back to his senses and stared at her for several moments before he shook his head. He attacked her, Varulla the only one in this damned universe that meant something to him the only one who relied on him. Laughing to himself Koeing turned and walked out of his quarters, he laughed to cover the sheer sadness he suddenly felt. How could he train Varulla if he couldn't even control himself, something he had worked on for a very long time.

It wasn't just her training either, he genuinely cared for Varulla's safety he didn't understand why, he shouldn't but there was no helping his feelings. The only two options he would have is either to accept them and tell Varulla or keep them hidden and close himself off to her. His normal reaction would be to close off, but could this be his only chance at something he had only felt once? He thought while walking down the corridor, obviously the love he felt towards his former Jedi Master was different but a chance at love? He wondered to himself if it was truly worth it, shaking his head he stopped in his tracks and turned to look back toward his quarters.

He couldn't help but feel he should go back and explain himself to his apprentice, but would she accept the explination or reject him entirely now after he just attacked her. He took a deep breath then decided that never talking to her would be worse then simply being rejected. He began his walk back to his quarters hoping to find Varulla there still.

Standing at the entrance he lowered his head and began to speak to her his voice full of sadness. "Varulla, what i did was uncalled for. I was not my self and you did not deserve to be attacked. I put you in danger when it was completely unnessicery. When i was a Jedi, my Master was killed, no murdered by two Dark Jedi. He had been their captive for a long time and the Jedi Council refused to search for him. He had been tortured and drained for knowledge, it took time but i encountered the Dark Jedi who had taken him."

He took a breath shaking his head as the memories flooded his mind, however he had to continue.

"A Dark Jedi Master and a Knight. I had two friends with me Caeser and Reiishia, my team. The Knight decapitated my Master while he lay chained, i flew into a Force Rage, i killed the Knight... I realized the Jedi Council had betrayed be, they knew there was a chance he would survive, there would have been no harm in searching for him. Instead they chose to forget about him like he was expendable, my best friend i had trained with in the academy Caeser attempted to calm me down along with Reiishia. They were Jedi, part of the group whom had just betrayed me, they all lie, they all preach but cannot follow through with what they say. I killed Caeser and Reiishia escaped my rage with a wound to her thigh. She ran to the council like a coward and warned them of me. The anniversary of his death was recent, the memories came flooding back and in my minds eye you were Reiishia the traitor. I am sorry.."

His voice caught and he could feel tears coming on, he forced them back however and now stared into Varulla's eyes awaiting the rejection he knew was coming.

[Lemur, The Kool-Aid Guy]

Her master deactivated his saber before laughing and exiting the room. His sudden departure made Var's heart pang. He'd laughed, either he was nervous or found his apprentice to be foolish or weak enough to be amusing. If the whole assault had been a test, she'd failed it miserably. She wasn't able to protect herself.

Slowly she rose to her feet without haste, retrieving her lightsaber from where it had fallen and returning it to her belt. But as she turned to leave, she sensed Koeing coming back into the room.

Immediately she dropped her gaze to avoid eye contact with him. But as he started to talk, Var's attention was captured and she fixed her gaze on him, surprised he'd not been furious at her, or testing her. She'd just assumed it hinged on her, but apparently it didn't.

"I am sorry..."

Without even a conscious thought, Var's lips started to form words on their own, words she certainly hadn't planned on using. "I forgive you." She softly whispered, barely audible enough to be heard.

As soon as they'd emerged, the Twi'lek winced. It wasn't becoming for a Sith to offer forgiveness. Her first reaction to it was to blame her Jedi upbringing for it. It was her scapegoat for all the times she failed at being a Sith. Or at least an attempted scapegoat. She had to admit, if he'd been anyone else she would have refused forgiveness. After all, he'd almost killed her.

But he'd come back and apologized. And explained it.

He'd explained what was undoubtedly painful to him. And he'd shared that he'd been a Jedi once too. That meant they had something in common at least. But Var was unsure of whether or not she should, or even could, share her past with him freely. One question would probably inspire another and another. And what started with mentioning she'd been a Jedi once could end with her shame being exposed and Koeing's eyes looking on her differently. With contempt for her true weakness perhaps?

It wasn't worth the risk. Var had every intention of remaining silent for the moment about that.

"I understand master."

[Deleted]

The animalistic firrerreo stalked closer to Varulla his eyes locked on to hers, his lips began to curl slightly showing off his impressive canines as he moved closer to back her in to a corner. He wasn't trying to threaten her safety but simply block her in so she couldn't run when he displayed what he was about to.

He let out a light sigh as he got closer her scent filling his nose, standing infront of her now his body almost pressed against hers he would lean down and touch the side of his head against hers then nudge it to the side slowly, a normal animalistic show of affection. However he began to get too close he knew for her comfort, his lips went to touch her neck so he could drag his canines across it wanting so badly to sink them in to her neck and taste the crimson liquid that would flow from the wound.

However he resisted and pulled away from her, shaking his head he attempted a smile. "We should do some training Varulla, what's your weakest area, Using the force or the use of a lightsaber?" He questioned and when she answered they would begin training in that specific area for now.

[Lemur, The Kool-Aid Guy]

Var's eyes widened noticeably as Koeing leaned his head against her's. As his lips touched her neck she closed them and shivered, frozen where she stood as her entire body tingled from head to toe. It felt so right, and yet it felt so wrong. She was... afraid. No longer quite afraid he'd hurt her. It was electric. And when he backed away she noticed she was trembling. She clasped her hands together to still them, and leaned heavily against the wall.

"We should do some training Varulla, what's your weakest area, Using the force or the use of a lightsaber?"

"Not now..." Var murmured. Can't focus, need air...

She moved past her master briskly and made for the entrance to the Temple, her footsteps sounding heavily on the stone floors. She couldn't think straight, she couldn't focus. She was horribly distracted. She couldn't even begin to try training in her state. She'd just fail and disappoint him, disappoint him the way she'd always disappointed every mentor she'd had.

She felt her eyes moistening, and she couldn't even tell why. Only that she had to get away. She broke into a run, and finally burst through the doors out into the deserted landscape of Korriban. And from there, she just kept running, working her way further from the Temple, finally stopping when she felt too tired to run any more. Then she dropped to her knees and sank back against a boulder, feeling very small.

Feeling frightened.