Comfort From the Smallest Things (lmr)

[Dee]

9 Years Ago
The Jedi Temple, Coruscant

---

As far as students went, Jia was not a bad one. Jedi younglings were, overall, not exactly on the same level as their non-Jedi peers. The daily lessons and training they went through from such a young age saw to that. Regardless, they were still children, and sometimes that meant short attention spans. The little Mirialan was walking proof of that at the moment. She was a good student who generally did well, listened to her elders and got along with her fellow younglings. Every once in a while though, the little girl's curiosity would be focused on the wrong thing, and her mind would wander.

She was supposed to be with her classmates for designated study time in the Jedi Archives. Supposed to be, being the key words. She had been unable to focus on her studying and wandered out of the Archives and off into the halls of the temple. The child had no real goal in mind, and wasn't maliciously disobeying. She just wanted to explore. Apparently that day in the temple was a particularly busy one. There was a lot of foot traffic. Knights, masters, padawans, and at one point even an entire class of younglings being ushered along by an instructor all moved through the same halls as her. Surprisingly, no one questioned why she was wandering about by herself.

Jia was a friendly girl, that much was true, but she was also shy. Sometimes it would take a bit of time for her to be comfortable enough with others to not act so timidly around them. Naturally for a shy girl crowds of unknown people could sometimes be overwhelming. So at the first sign of an escape, she took it. Slipping past a chatting group of padawans she made her way through a large open entryway, one that from the sight of the sunlight stretching outward from it, led to an outdoor area.

Now she found herself in a small courtyard, connecting entrances between two separate halls of the Temple. The surroundings were lush and green, tiled floors giving way to grass and dirt. There were a few small trees scattered about, and simple stone benches should anyone choose to sit for a peaceful moment. In the middle of the courtyard, where stone paths through the area all met, was a small fountain with gently flowing water. It was quiet enough to not be distracting, but apparent enough to be relaxing. The voices and footsteps from the Temple halls were little more than subtle background noise now.

Jia stood where she was, wide blue eyes taking in everything around her. This was a really nice place she'd just found. Maybe she'd stay here for a little while...

The girl took a few more steps down one of the stone paths, but then paused. She shifted her weight slightly before beginning to search the courtyard again, to see who it was she had somehow looked over before. She wasn't alone. Someone else was here too, she could feel it.

[Lemur, The Kool-Aid Guy]

Varulla'aba was not in one of her better moods. The seventeen year old Jedi Padawan was beyond glum; she was positively miserable. How many years had she been a Jedi now? Eleven? Twelve? Surely that would have been long enough to become good at it. And it had been seven years since she'd been sitting glumly in a similar courtyard certain she'd never be chosen as a Padawan. But now... Now was different.

The Twi'lek girl with skin the color of pale cream was sitting on the ground with her back to the fountain, looking rather small behind it. She'd strategically placed herself on the opposite side of it from the doors, so she wouldn't be visible. She didn't want anyone to see her crying. Luckily she didn't have to worry about being heard; she'd learned to cry in silence many years ago.

Var, as she was known more commonly, was a petite teenager. Scrawny even, since she hadn't fully grown into her body. Yes, she had the prerequisite breasts, but her curves weren't padded yet; that would take another two or three years. What she was right now was boney, and a bit gangly. Not slender. Not graceful. That didn't help her self-esteem at all either.

Master Nedar had been unintentionally cruel today. It wasn't that he tried, it was that he didn't understand. He'd never been through what she'd been through. He didn't know the things that had happened to her. Of course he never bothered asking her. She was quite certain he didn't care to know her, and sometimes, like now, she couldn't blame him. At the end of the day she was just a scrawny kid, below average in her abilities.

To be specific, Nedar had quite explicitly told her he never should have picked her as a Padawan, and that she obstinately refused to learn. He blamed solely her for not being good enough for him, but what really stung was knowing it was true. Of course it was true. She'd never been good enough, ever since she was a child. She hadn't been beaten because she'd been good enough. It had been her failures that warranted that.

The same way her failures warranted Master Nedar's disapproval. Maybe he didn't love her because she didn't deserve it...

Var pulled her bony knees up to her chest and held them close, wondering if anyone would ever love her. Unconditional love, compassion. Romance. Was she ever going to be destined for that? Or was this all there was.

Her head jerked up belatedly as she noticed she was no longer alone. Hurriedly she rubbed the tears off her face with the rough linen fabric of her sleeve and wished she could hide the redness in her vivid, pale green eyes.

[Dee]

The child had been so enthralled by her surroundings that somehow she hadn't noticed that she wasn't the first person here. It was only when she felt the other that she knew she wasn't alone. Now that she knew, those curious little eyes moved about until she spotted her. An older, teenage girl near the other side of the fountain.

Jia's head tilted slightly as she peered over the fountain to try to see her better. She even stood on the tips of her toes, as if that would help her get a clearer look. The older girl sat with her back against the stone fountain, her face hidden, so the youngling couldn't see. But she didn't need to see with her eyes to know. That other girl was really upset. She was sad, and all alone...

And now, she clearly knew Jia was there too. Jia jumped a little as the teenager's head suddenly jerked up and she began to wipe at her face with her sleeve. The little Mirialan just watched, now uncertain of what she should do. Maybe she should just go...

No. Jia didn't know her, and she was a little nervous... but she didn't want to leave that other girl there by herself. That would've been wrong.

She slowly started to make her way toward the girl sitting by the fountain. Slowly and carefully. As if at any moment she could suddenly change her mind, turn around and go right back the way she came. That didn't happen though. She made it right up to the Twi'lek and stood before her seated, curled up form. It was clear from the child's body language, the way she seemed to fidget slightly, that she was unsure of herself, and yet there she stayed.

She was fairly typical looking for a Jedi youngling, dressed in the same garb as they all were given. She had very few defining features, unless one counted the fact that she still seemed fairly small compared to others around her age, and perhaps, that green skin of her's, though it was devoid of her species' defining feature. She was still too young for tattoos.

All she did was stare for a few seconds before she found her small, timid voice. "Um... Hi..." Her gaze shifted down to her feet as she shuffled in place. After a moment she looked back up at the older girl and innocently spoke again. This time, a little less shyly. "Why're you so sad?"

[Lemur, The Kool-Aid Guy]

"Um... Hi..."

Var looked up from her sleeve to see the other person had indeed done what she'd feared and walked over. From experience she knew she really didn't want others around at these moments. Jedi were supposed to be calm and tranquil, with their emotions under control. Not curled up by a fountain crying. And every subsequent offense just seemed worse. When she'd been a Youngling it had at least been understandable, but now she was a young woman. Big girls weren't supposed to cry.

Master Nedar had once caught her crying, and he'd lectured her. Severely. Severely enough that she'd felt like crying again. Only she didn't. But she did feel ashamed, because he was right. She was a bad Jedi for crying. But right or not, she resented him. No, especially when he was right she resented him. To be honest, she wondered if she had the seeds of hate forming in her heart. Little black spots on her soul that proved just what a bad Jedi she was...

As a mixed blessing, it wasn't Nedar, it wasn't even an adult; it was a Youngling. A Mirialan, with the pale green skin she'd always associated with them. Young. Small.

And judging by her voice, timid. She seemed nervous, but Var had to admit she was on edge too. She was discovered, and that made her apprehensive. You really couldn't get any privacy in the Jedi Temple it seemed.

"Why're you so sad?"

Var blinked. She hadn't been expecting such a direct question. Maybe any observation, maybe even being questioned on what was wrong. But not a question over why she was sad. That was a... tough question. There were just so many answers. She was sad because she was unloved, because she was in emotional pain, and because there wasn't a single person who actually wanted to know about her.

And there were her own confidence issues. She was scrawny. She was gangly. She was plain. Varulla'aba didn't command a second look, and the only thing that drew any attention besides her headtails was her slightly uncommon complexion.

She had a great many options ahead of her at that minute. Tell the truth, that her master had hurt her feelings. Or why her feelings had been hurt. Or what all roads led to: Her past.

What she chose to do was lie.

"I'm just fine," Var whispered softly, avoiding eye contact.

[Dee]

The tiny Mirialan waited silently for the older Twi'lek girl to answer her. The avoidance of eye contact wasn't exclusive to the sitting teenager. Jia herself seemed to have some difficulty keeping her eyes forward. She was trying her best though.

Asking if the other girl was ok didn't occur to Jia. She clearly wasn't ok. Even this child could see it, and feel it. Though she was still too young to have any honed ability, a natural affinity to sensing emotion, both through the Force and naturally, showed itself pretty frequently. Rarely was she reaching out of her own accord to do so. It just tended to happen on its own, without the girl's direct control.

So even if the Twi'lek had managed to be outwardly convincing, Jia still wouldn't have been fooled. The youngling just knew the truth. Yet, she could not truly know the extent of what the other was feeling deep down. To her the question had been simple, and about the present moment. She could not have understood how deep and complicated her question felt to the other.

Perhaps she was a lucky child for still having yet to experience what it really meant to be lonely. What it really meant to be hurt. The closest she had ever come was being taken from her family, and her memories of that were not clear enough to have a lasting effect. Like all younglings she had moments where she was upset, but the causes were innocent, childish things. She couldn't comprehend what it meant to feel true, utter loneliness, and so she didn't understand the pain caused by it. All she knew was that everything about the older girl looked and felt of sadness. There was no way for her to know how deep it really was. All the little girl knew was that someone was hurt, and she wanted to help her not be.

"I'm just fine." The other answered her in a hushed tone, still without either of them making eye contact.

"You, um... You don't look fine. You look really sad." Little Jia wasn't trying to be pushy. The idea that an upset teenage girl might feel like she was didn't even grace her thoughts. As far as the child knew, she was just stating what she saw in front of her. After speaking again, she was finally able to find enough confidence to allow herself to keep her eyes on the other girl. At least for as long as she needed to wait for a response.

(( Edit: Fixed a really redundant sentence. ))

[Lemur, The Kool-Aid Guy]

You, um... You don't look fine. You look really sad."

Varulla'aba sighed. This Youngling didn't seem to understand that "I'm fine" was more than just a lie, it was code for "I don't want to talk." And it wasn't anything personal against the Mirialan girl, it was just that Var- Var didn't talk about it.

No one had ever wanted to listen before, and even if they had, it was just so... so personal. She would have told her Youngling instructor maybe. She was nice, even if her Tholothian headdress had been a little scary to look at first. But she'd never asked. Then if Nedar had ever taken the time to ask she might have told him. But it seemed as if she didn't even exist, like she had no personal life.

He seemed to think her being stopped when he wasn't in the room. And she hated him for it. Certainly she resented him. And it galled her, because she knew it wasn't the way a Jedi was supposed to act. She was a really bad excuse for a Jedi, and that just made her feel worse.

Her pale green eyes met the child's blue ones, and her gaze softened for a minute. Then she looked away and buried her face in the crook of her arm.

"It's- You... You just wouldn't understand," Var said, her velvet voice muffled. And that was also true. She couldn't understand, and no child deserved to even hear about what had happened to her.

"There's nothing you can do to help me."

[Dee]

For a moment Jia thought that maybe, just maybe, the upset teenager was going to talk to her. That maybe she really would be able to help her feel better. The way that the older girl had looked at her for a moment with that softened gaze made her think that she really was helping. At least, until the Twi'lek quickly looked away again, and hid her face in the curve of her arm.

"It's- You... You just wouldn't understand. There's nothing you can do to help me."

The little Mirialan's eyes sunk to the floor for a moment in sadness. Maybe it was true. Maybe there really wasn't anything she could do to help. She should just go, and leave the teenager alone...

Then what little stubbornness the child had in her forced its way to the surface. She looked back up, blue eyes again focusing on the teenage Twi'lek, perhaps more easily than they had been before. She couldn't just leave the other girl here, sad and alone. How could she just walk away from someone so upset? No, that was wrong, and she couldn't do that. She had to help her, somehow. For an adult, it may have been pushy and intrusive, but to a child... She just wanted to do something nice for the other girl, and didn't want to give up on her.

The youngling crouched down, her arms crossed and loosely rested on her knees, as if somehow sitting that way brought her down more to the older girl's seated level. In reality, she was small enough that she was practically already there anyway while standing. She did it regardless, maybe as some sort of subconscious reaction or attempt at outwardly showing a desire to comfort.

"Maybe I can't help with what made you sad... But..." Jia paused for a second as she fidgeted. "But maybe if you talk about it, it'll make you feel better. And I... I won't tell anyone. Promise." Somehow to the child that was like some sort of unquestionable deal maker. It was a simple little detail like that which in her mind could have made all the difference between this older girl not wanting to talk, and being willing to. She didn't quite understand that grown up minds and hearts that had seen so much were a little more complicated than that.

[Lemur, The Kool-Aid Guy]

"Maybe I can't help with what made you sad... But..."

Var blinked. Of course she couldn't. What could one little girl do to change the past? Well, what could any person do to change the past? No one, not the Jedi Grandmaster or the Supreme Chancellor of the Republic, could change what had happened to her.

Any Jedi would have told her to simply abandon her emotion, and any ideas of revenge. The latter was easy. Revenge was the furthest thing from her mind. All she wanted was to be far away from him, the man who hurt her. Looking into his eyes again would be too much, and she'd cringe. She wasn't strong enough to go to that place, to confront her demons.

And the former? That was much harder. She just felt so helpless, like nothing had changed. Well, no, things had changed. But who was Var? She didn't feel that changed to be honest, despite all that Jedi training and experience. She still felt helpless and without control, even if she didn't feel in danger of being whipped or hit. On the whole she just felt as if she was still the same person, which wasn't at all what she'd wanted.

She'd always assumed becoming a Jedi was her destiny, being powerful, skilled, and wise. Fighting for justice, protecting the weak. She'd expected to be supremely collected and confident, and instead... she was just Var. Weak Var. Inadequate Var.

"But maybe if you talk about it, it'll make you feel better. And I... I won't tell anyone. Promise."

Var shook her head incredulously, at a loss for words for a solid minute. When she finally spoke, it was extremely hesitant, for fear of revealing too much. This was a child after all.

"No- It's that I can't tell you. You shouldn't know, you're too young. You shouldn't have to hear about it, and I don't want to talk about it and-"

Var cradled her head in her hands and exhaled loudly, exasperated with her inability to explain. Why was it so hard to simply let the words flow freely?

"I- I can't explain. It's too complicated. But what does it matter anyway? No one cares."

[Dee]

"No- It's that I can't tell you. You shouldn't know, you're too young. You shouldn't have to hear about it, and I don't want to talk about it and... "I- I can't explain. It's too complicated. But what does it matter anyway? No one cares."[/color]

Jia's eyes turned downcast again. That wasn't true... She did... But she didn't know how to make the older girl feel better. Nothing she said seemed to be helpful at all. She blinked and looked back up as she suddenly had an idea.

"You don't havta tell me if you really don't want. But, um... You wanna talk about something else? It'll make the other stuff go away for a while."

The child spoke as if she had some amazing insight. To her it very well may have been the case. Sometimes when she was sad, her instructors told her to focus on something else. That she could make the sadness go away, by not thinking about it too much. It worked sometimes, so it must've been true... And maybe it would work for the other girl too.

"I just... I just want you to feel better." As she further explained, her voice was quiet and even a little sad. The youngling appeared to be genuinely upset by the teenager's currently fragile emotional state, despite them having never met prior to this in their lives. For whatever reason, she really did seem to care.

Jia leaned back, dropping down into a cross-legged seated position on the floor in front of the teenager. It was as if she was trying to show to the other girl that she was serious, and ready to talk. She looked up at the Twi'lek with those hopeful deep blue eyes.

[Lemur, The Kool-Aid Guy]

"You don't havta tell me if you really don't want. But, um... You wanna talk about something else? It'll make the other stuff go away for a while."

Var blinked away angry tears that had been forming, and nodded reluctantly. "Yeah, fine." She might not have done so if not for the Mirialan girl's persistent tone. But it did change things away from that too-sensitive topic.

Was that what she really wanted though, or did she want to talk it through? Well, maybe she did. But it wasn't the sort of thing to share with the child. No one that young deserved to think about that topic. And no one deserved to experience it. She knew that in her heart.

Nedar. She wanted to talk to him about it, but she didn't want to broach the subject. He had to do it, he had to be the one to talk to her, to ask. If she just told him it would show desperation and he'd dismiss her as an emotional child incapable of being a Jedi.

She had to talk about something else. The girl was right.

"I just... I just want you to feel better."

"I do too," Var sighed, running a hand over her left lekku to soothe herself. It was a gesture that didn't often fail given the touch-sensitivity of her headtails. "I- I'm sorry I'm like this, I just have a lot on my mind right now. I don't really expect you to understand."

(OOC: Short, sorry. Distracted.)

[Dee]

"Yeah, fine."

Jia smiled widely at the teenager for the first time after hearing that. Two simple words had made this child so happy. For some it would have been a bright, uplifting thing to see. The girl hadn't really caught the reluctance in the Twi'lek girl's voice. Either it had gone right over her head, or she just wasn't impeded by it. Maybe the older girl could start feeling better now. To the youngling, this was the best thing that had happened so far since stumbling onto this place.

"I do too. I- I'm sorry I'm like this, I just have a lot on my mind right now. I don't really expect you to understand."

"It's ok. You don't have to say sorry. It's ok to be sad. I get sad sometimes too. Lots of people do, right? It's ok to cry sometimes." Suddenly the child was talkative, apparently. Without stuttering or hesitating, too. Slowly she had started to shed the shyness that had hung over her since she began talking to the Twi'lek. Whether that was a good thing, or an overwhelming thing for an upset teenager was questionable.

The Mirialan child paused for barely a second before she canted her head slightly and started talking again, "Why do you think no one cares? I don't understand."

There was an innocence to the question that only a child could have. She didn't comprehend apathy or malevolence. She was sheltered, of course, and raised surrounded by those who had devoted themselves to the light. To her, someone who just wouldn't care about seeing a girl alone crying simply didn't exist. Let alone someone who would make someone else cry and not care.

That was why she hadn't fully understood what the older girl had said before. Of course Jia cared. Why wouldn't she? Why wouldn't anyone? The teenager was smarter than her, maybe she would explain it so it made sense...

(( OOC: No worries my friend. Short is completely fine. ))

[Lemur, The Kool-Aid Guy]

"It's ok. You don't have to say sorry. It's ok to be sad. I get sad sometimes too. Lots of people do, right? It's ok to cry sometimes."

Var wished it was that simple, wished it was okay to cry, but it was emotion. And there was no emotion, there was peace. Or so the mantra went that she had trouble following. If only there was peace, but try as she might there wasn't an ounce of it to be found for her. Just awkward loneliness as she sat in a courtyard and wished for things that couldn't be or wouldn't be.

"Why do you think no one cares? I don't understand."

"My master doesn't believe it's ever okay to cry. He wants me to be in control of my emotions all the time. Every minute of every hour of every day. No exceptions." Var wiped her sleeve across her eyes, veiling her light green irises as she dabbed at her tears.

Those eyes were her best feature. At this awkward age, her only feature. They were bright, expressive, and even moving. Above all, they were improbably green, contrasting with her pale skin quite dramatically. Certainly nothing else set her apart from other teenagers. She was skinny, without noticeable breasts, without full hips. Her face was innocuous. Her skin was adequate, smooth enough but not truly creamy, the way it would become in subsequent years. Only her eyes were constant, that and her scar tissue on her back that would follow her around forever.

Her eyes were still the same, from the same little girl who happily played with toy blocks on Ryloth. But the happiness had faded from them, and now she was left looking sad and distant.

"I know he doesn't care," Var said gloomily. "If he did he'd ask me why I was crying instead of just telling me to stop. And if my own master doesn't care about me, who does?"

The Twi'lek girl hung her head and ran a soothing hand over her lekku again and again, hugging them to her in a nervous gesture. They were like stuffed animals she'd never had to cuddle with as a little girl. Just something to hold in the absence of someone.

[Dee]

"I know he doesn't care. If he did he'd ask me why I was crying instead of just telling me to stop. And if my own master doesn't care about me, who does?"[/i]

"I do." She said it so straightforwardly, and so genuinely. Forget the idea that they didn't know each other, and that maybe by some sort of impassive logic, she should not have. That didn't matter, and made absolutely no difference to little Jia. Her mind didn't function that way. She had no problem with the older girl knowing that, either. There was no hesitation or embarrassment attached to her words when she spoke them.

The girl watched the teenager as she gently ran her hand across her lekku. Her head tilted slightly as the Twi'lek hugged them closer to herself. The youngling could only guess it was for comfort. It brought the heavy feeling of sadness back into the small Mirialan's heart. Sadness that the teenager felt so alone that she thought no one at all cared about her.

Her master told her she could never cry, and never asked her why she was? The older girl's master sounded mean... but that didn't make sense. Masters were supposed to be nice to their padawans, weren't they? And Jedi weren't mean. Jedi were supposed to care when people were hurt.

"Maybe your master tells you not to cry 'cause he doesn't want you to be sad. Maybe you can ask him to talk... he can help you feel better. Masters are supposed to be nice to their padawans right? Don't you get along with him?"

Jia had no idea the emotions she may have unleashed with those questions. She was trying to help, but may have ended up bringing up a pretty sensitive topic to the other girl. The youngling was entirely oblivious... but she was trying her very best, and proving through her attempts at helping that she really did care about her. Whether or not the teenager would feel that way or realize it, was another story entirely.

[Lemur, The Kool-Aid Guy]

"I do."

Var stared up at the little girl hopefully and incredulously whispered. "You... do?"

How was it possible? This little Youngling didn't even know her, and already she was caring. It just made no sense. When she'd been a Youngling none of the other children had wanted to get close to her, or learn about her. She'd been the outsider looking in, a latecomer to the Youngling Clan she'd been in, never quite fitting in. Of course she hadn't exactly tried either. She was used to being alone, and to being quiet, never talking unless spoken to.

The legacies of her slavery would never go away.

But this one little girl was giving her real compassion, and cared about her. Saw she was doing what no one else had done, and Var could scarcely believe it. It was like a dream. Could anyone else see this little Mirialan girl, or was she some kind of benevolent angel visible only to one sad Twi'lek?

Now her imagination was getting the better of her.

"Maybe your master tells you not to cry 'cause he doesn't want you to be sad. Maybe you can ask him to talk... he can help you feel better. Masters are supposed to be nice to their padawans right? Don't you get along with him?"

"He tells me not to cry because he doesn't want me to feel anything at all, he wants me to be like a rock, without emotion."

Var sighed and leaned back against the fountain, staring up at blue sky up above them, speckled with white clouds. It was something to look at least, besides the girl's eyes when she spoke freely. The pale Twi'lek didn't want to see the look in them when she confided what she was about to.

"I try to get along with him, I try my best. But nothing I ever do is good enough for him. It's like he wanted the perfect Padawan, but instead all he got was Varulla'aba. And I'm just not up to his standards. No matter how hard I try to please him I always fail, and he's never happy with me."

[Dee]

"You... do?"[/i]

Jia smiled brightly and nodded her head in confirmation. It made her happy that the older girl understood now.

The little youngling sitting there trying her hardest to help the Twi'lek was not normally a very talkative girl so soon after meeting someone new. It wasn't an easy process to overcome a natural shyness. But the way she was acting now, it was as if she had known the other girl for much longer than they truly had. The child hadn't realized it. She hadn't even noticed how comfortable she suddenly was.

It was some sort of necessity the small girl felt in herself. To really help, she had to overcome her own nervousness. Even though it had been the case, the child did not fully understand it. All she really comprehended was that suddenly she had no troubles talking to the older girl, and didn't feel so uncertain anymore. She wasn't even stuttering anymore!

"He tells me not to cry because he doesn't want me to feel anything at all, he wants me to be like a rock, without emotion."[/i]

Jia blinked as a clearly confused expression formed on her features. She wasn't a child who was very good at hiding those sorts of things, so it was pretty obvious. She didn't understand why the teenager's master wanted her not to feel anything. Wasn't that impossible? Why would he ask her to do something she couldn't do? As the Twi'lek's gaze shifted upward toward the clouds, Jia's eyes followed her curiously as she wondered what the older girl was looking at up there. She was momentarily distracted by those big, fluffy looking clouds, until the padawan spoke up again.

"I try to get along with him, I try my best. But nothing I ever do is good enough for him. It's like he wanted the perfect Padawan, but instead all he got was Varulla'aba. And I'm just not up to his standards. No matter how hard I try to please him I always fail, and he's never happy with me."[/i]

The youngling once again looked very sad, her eyes turning downcast and her lips curving into a little frown. The Twi'lek's master should've treated his padawan better. She didn't like that he didn't.

"I'm sorry your master isn't nice to you. When you feel sad, or he makes you sad, you should try talking to someone else about it. Like now... Just 'cause your master isn't helping you, doesn't mean no one else wants to." There was a quick pause as the girl shifted a bit, though she didn't change the way she sat. "Is Varulla'aba your name?" The girl managed to pronounce it correctly after hearing it only once. "That's a nice name. My name's Jia."

[Lemur, The Kool-Aid Guy]

"I'm sorry your master isn't nice to you. When you feel sad, or he makes you sad, you should try talking to someone else about it. Like now... Just 'cause your master isn't helping you, doesn't mean no one else wants to."

Var sighed. It was more than just him, there were others. Other Younglings when she was little who didn't want anything to do with her, her Instructor who lacked the time to see to the amount of baggage she'd had as a little girl...

She had the distinct feeling her master wanted her to be some peak of normal perfection, and he'd even gone so far as to have eyebrows tattooed onto her face so she didn't look so alien. And of course she'd been too intimidated to say no.

The pale Twi'lek with green eyes had no friends, well no friends but one. He was away with his master doing exciting things while she held the bags for Nedar and acted like a glorified personal assistant rather than a Jedi. She knew absolutely no one in the Temple, and she was too timid to go out and meet new people. She was stuck in an awkward position she wasn't comfortable staying in or getting out of.

The only one who'd ever actually wanted to talk to Var was this Mirialan Youngling, everyone else had been content to treat as a part of the Temple's decor, like a statue. While her skin was almost the color of marble, the resemblance stopped there. She wasn't chiseled, graceful, or healthfully curvy like a statue. Maybe if she was a statue she'd draw more attention.

"Is Varulla'aba your name?"

Var blinked, brought back to more concrete things by the question, and nodded the affirmative, vaguely surprised a little girl was able to pronounce her name properly, with the rolling 'l' sounds and the two 'a's propped up against each other. She'd long ago gotten used to being called 'Var' by her owner when she was a slave, because he couldn't be bothered to call her by her proper Twi'lek name. It had simply stuck, and no one had ever bothered to get her out of the habit.

"That's a nice name. My name's Jia."

"Thanks," Var whispered. "Everyone calls me Var, because they think my name is too long and hard to say."

The Twi'lek girl pulled her bony knees up to her chest and rested her chin on them awkwardly in a move that made her seem very small. She was starting to feel a little better now, but at the end of the day she had to go back to the same master and the same life, no matter what anyone said to anyone else.

"It's just that no one is ever interested in me or wants to talk to me, and no one ever has been. I'm always the quiet one, the girl who gets picked last for everything. I probably don't deserve it. I should have been sent to the Corps where I belong," Var said glumly, referencing the Service Corps where those who failed to become Padawans were sent to do various mundane activities that no Youngling aspired to. She'd only been picked a few days before her 13th birthday, the deadline. It had been extremely close.

[Dee]

"Thanks. Everyone calls me Var, because they think my name is too long and hard to say."[/i]

"It is kinda long..." The little Mirialan girl admitted in response. "But it's not that hard to say." Easy for the child to say, since she had heard it spoken once before attempting it herself. If she had tried to say the name without hearing that initial verbal use, it may not have gone so well. Though the stumbling over so many vowels and consonants smashed together and the pronunciation errors caused by it may have been cute. "I can call you Var too, if you want."

"It's just that no one is ever interested in me or wants to talk to me, and no one ever has been. I'm always the quiet one, the girl who gets picked last for everything. I probably don't deserve it. I should have been sent to the Corps where I belong."[/i]

Jia was a shy girl herself, though she had still managed to warm up to her youngling clan and make friends among them regardless of that fact. She had never had to deal with being ignored, or picked last for anything or even called weird. She thought silently to herself that if she had been in the same clan as the Twi'lek, she would have talked to her, and included her. She would've been her friend. Maybe she could be now.

"I don't think so. You wouldn't still be a Padawan if you couldn't do it... The Force guides us where we're supposed to go. You got picked and you're grown up now, and you're still a Padawan, so that is where you belong, isn't it?" Var didn't think very highly of herself. But to Jia, she was accomplished. She was a Padawan, and one day she was going to be a Jedi. The youngling didn't see a failure sitting before her. She saw someone that she wanted to be one day.

Apparently that was a thought she couldn't contain as she declared with a wide smile on her face, "I'm gonna be a Padawan someday too, like you are. And I'll get to go out of the temple and do exciting things with my master, and help people."

[Lemur, The Kool-Aid Guy]

"It is kinda long... But it's not that hard to say."

That matched what Var had heard before about her name on occasion, but it really didn't seem that long to her. Other people had first and last names, she just had both in one single name. Of course technically speaking they could call her Varulla as a first name, and she vaguely had the idea someone she'd loved had called her that once. Her parents perhaps.

Of course she could barely remember any of that, just snippets really, brief flashes of things. Eyes, smiles. She remembered her father's eyes, green like hers. And her mother's face, young, sweet, and gentle. Her name had been... something with a t in it. Therana? Terana? She couldn't remember, just a voice telling her "make me proud" and a profound sadness that had never quite left her.

But her parents had chosen to give her the name meaning 'midnight' in the Twi'lek language, and her clan name meant peace, but maybe that was just a cruel irony there to spite her.

Supposedly the Jedi were her family now, but she didn't feel at home. She'd read all kinds of books and stories, and families didn't sound the way this was. She'd just wanted something... better.

"I don't think so. You wouldn't still be a Padawan if you couldn't do it... The Force guides us where we're supposed to go. You got picked and you're grown up now, and you're still a Padawan, so that is where you belong, isn't it?"

Var sighed, and she whispered something she doubted the child would hear or understand. "I don't know..."

She honestly wasn't sure anymore. If the Force had guided her, then wouldn't she know, wouldn't she feel a certain special something? When she looked in the mirror, wouldn't she see a Jedi? Instead she just saw a skinny girl in plain brown robes.

"I'm gonna be a Padawan someday too, like you are. And I'll get to go out of the temple and do exciting things with my master, and help people."

Yeah, and get to hold the bags on a dozen worlds and get left behind on every one of them while your master does all the interesting things because he doesn't trust you...

"I hope you can Jia," Var managed neutrally, noting that her tears were dried, leaving behind redness. Talking really had helped in a way. But she still didn't feel good at all. She still felt... inadequate.

And she had to go back to her master now, which she dreaded. Yes, she genuinely hoped Jia wound up with a better master than she had.

[Dee]

"I hope you can Jia."

The youngling smiled again, grateful at Var's words. "Thanks." The smile remained on the girl's face as she noticed the teenager's dried eyes. She wasn't crying anymore. She still hadn't smiled and still didn't look so happy, but if her tears were gone, she must have felt a little better. Jia hoped that at least, maybe Var didn't feel like didn't belong anymore.

The little Mirialan fell quiet after that one word of gratitude to the older girl. She wasn't sure what to say now. She wanted to help Var feel even better, maybe even make her happy. Jia shifted the position she sat in, choosing to kneel instead. She glanced at Var, then away again, her uncertainty beginning to show itself through subtle physical cues of her natural shyness.

Finally the child decided that she was being silly trying to find the right thing to say. Why didn't she just do what she was doing before, and just tell Var what she was thinking? The truth was that she was nervous to say what was on her mind. Nervous that the teenager would think she was silly. But that didn't matter. She had to say it, it was important.

"Um... Var? I'm sorry that people don't talk to you, and let you cry by yourself and feel so alone. It's not right of them. I wouldn't do that. I can be your friend." Friendship was so easy to those who were young. There were no real concerns about possible betrayal, or not meshing well enough or even incompatible beliefs. All it took was to be nice to each other and to care about each other. If two people could do that, they could be friends. Jia wanted to try to be Var's friend. She said it, and she meant it.

[Lemur, The Kool-Aid Guy]

"Thanks."

Var nodded as a response, really not sure if the thanks shouldn't be reversed...

She owed more to the Mirialan Youngling than the Youngling did to her, but she was still the one being thanked. Before her was a generous and caring nature, one she wished she was so skilled with.

It wasn't that she lacked empathy, it was just that she felt so alone and introverted all the time. How could she help others when she couldn't help herself?

Var sighed. it was just another one of her inadequacies, which weren't going away just because her tears were dried. She had too many problems. Far too many. In fact it was a wonder she managed to function at all with all the memories she had.

And no thanks to her master. No matter what Jia suggested his motivations were, Var knew better. He had no real love for her. She was just a glorified adjutant for him, writing things down and doing the dry work he didn't want to...

They'd never be close, and she was beginning to think she'd never be close to anyone. Only Jarvik really knew her, and he didn't even know the full story. No one but her and the Jedi who'd brought her here from Tatooine knew that.

"Um... Var? I'm sorry that people don't talk to you, and let you cry by yourself and feel so alone. It's not right of them. I wouldn't do that. I can be your friend."

Var shifted her weight and sat back up a little straighter against the back of the fountain, a look of surprise etched on her alabaster features. She was really getting an invitation to be friends? This was... A first.

Jarvik was her only friend, her best friend. And he'd been an associate ever since they were both Younglings. This little girl had just barely met her maybe fifteen minutes ago, and already she was offering friendship.

The pale Twi'lek girl nodded feebly, truly in awe. Her vivid green eyes showed it.

"You... would? No one has ever really offered before..."