Berserker

[berserker]

Character Name: Ress Courtright

Character Source: SWU, pending

Character Faction/Alignment: Fringe, +4 (mostly good, but isn't below throwing a sucker punch at you every once in a while)

Type of Roleplay: No Idea yet. A skirmish, maybe?

Roleplay Requirements: Whatever the mentor sees fit.

Reason for Request: No experience with writing whatsoever, let alone RPing. Just wanna see what an expert would think.

Notes:He's gonna talk to a Hutt here. I was kinda hoping this exchange to be something like a badass talking to an italian mafia boss, with all the darkness but with sophistication. Maybe he'll have to fight his way out in the end?

Roleplay:

A lone man steps inside a turbolift within one of the tallest buildings in the district. Other than his hovering remote droid, no one else bothered to follow him into the cilyndrical structure as this lift was only for those with special bussiness with the Hutt boss. As the doors shut, an aura of foreboding envelopes the small, claustrophobia-enducing elevator.

The slow music inside the turbolift torments Ress as he ascends into what may well be his last transaction. Despite knowing that taking out a loan from a Hutt would be a bad idea, he still found himself in a situation that he had no other choice but to do so. Still, if things do get ugly, at least he still has his droid with him.

"Beep Bip Fzzzz"

The noise emminating from Caddi snaps Ress back into the present. The quirks the droid has developed in its programming made him realize how Caddi and its maker were so alike. They both had the uncanny ability to stop him from brooding at the right moment, as if reading his mind. This never fails to put a smile across his face.

"Yeah, I know." He says. "Bet Cass would love to hit me with her hydrospanner right about now." The hovering droid then beeps in approval.

With this, a ring from overhead signals the end of their trip up. The turbolift doors slide open and Ress steps out. He is then greeted by two Gamorrean guards standing in front of a large set of doors which leads into the Hutt's entertainment hall. Before he was allowed to enter however, one of the Gomorreans, oddly enough, politely asked that he leave any and all weaponry before going through. Not wanting to cause any more trouble for himself, he reluctanly left his rifle by the door along with Caddi, who makes a sad, sighing sound.

"Don't worry, I'll be fine." He uncharacteristicaly reassures his droid. They both know, however that one way or another, he wouldn't be leaving the Hutt's hall without leaving anything behind. Whether it would be his credits or his life, is still anybody's guess.

Straightening himself up, he walks into the soft, strangely soothing lights of the inner hall into his moment of reckoning.

[Jazen]

A lone man stepped inside the turbolift within one of the tallest buildings in the district. Other than his hovering remote droid, no one else bothered to follow him into the cylindrical structure,(comma here) as this lift was only for those with special business with the Hutt boss. As the doors shut, an aura of foreboding enveloped the small, claustrophobia inducing elevator.

The slow music inside the turbolift tormented Ress as the life ascended into what might well be his last transaction. Despite knowing that taking out a loan from a Hutt would be a bad idea, he still had found himself in a situation that he had no other choice but to do so. Still, if things did get ugly, at least he still had his droid with him.

"Beep Bip Fzzzz".

The noise emitting from Caddi snapped Ress back into the present. The quirks the droid has developed in its programming made him realize how Caddi and its maker were so alike. They both had the uncanny ability to stop him from brooding at the right moment, as if reading his mind. This never failed to put a smile across his face.

"Yeah, I know." Ress said. "Bet Cass would love to hit me with her hydrospanner right about now." The hovering droid beeped in approval.

With this, a ring from overhead signaled the end of their trip up. The turbolift doors slid open and Ress stepped out. (Removed words here; example of ways to sound a bit different)Greeted by thetwo Gamorrean guards standing in front of a large set of doors which leads into the Hutt's entertainment hall. Before he was allowed to enter however, one of the Gamorreans, oddly enough, politely asked that he leave any and all weaponry before going through.(Piece of advice here; Gamo's don't ask nice. And they are incapable of speaking understandable words, unless you have a translator on hand. Nothing criminal, just a point to keep in mind) Not wanting to cause any more trouble for himself, Ress reluctantly left his rifle by the door along with Caddi, who made a sad, sighing sound.

"Don't worry, I'll be fine," Ress uncharacteristically said as he tried to reassure the droid. They both knew, however, that one way or another, he wouldn't be leaving the Hutt's hall without leaving anything behind. Whether it would be his credits or his life, was still anybody's guess.

Straightening himself up, he walked into the soft, strangely soothing lights of the inner hall into his moment of reckoning.

Okay then, sorry it took me a bit to get here. Weekend blues, you know. Not a bad post for someone who's not familiar with this, but there are some things you can do to improve.

First, and most noticeable, is that you're speaking in the present tense. To my knowledge, there is a rule that states we on the site have to post in the past tense. Compare your original post to the quoted one above; any changes I made are in italics. The words I most changed are examples of present tense and I replaced them with their past tense counterparts. I also placed some words in there and when you look at them, imagine how it sounds in your head. It should sound better and flow more smoothly.

Two is spelling in some places. The site has a spellcheck when your posting, I recommend using it.

Third and final is simple; try to keep your eyes peeled for realism. As I noted above, Gamorreans for example are incapable of speaking basic(their vocal cords don't allow for it), so all you'd hear from them is their grunts and snorts. A translator is needed OR, if you don't want to write that in, have them indicate through actions what their intentions might be. On the site, you have to watch for this, as realism in posts makes the world spin nicely. Now, with that said, I'll toss up a little reply and let this thing move along. (Link to my guy is in my sig, third character down ^_^)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thel was not amused. Of all the places in the galaxy their new Mando'lore could have sent him, this was one of the few he would have not wished for. Thel understood, on a level most could not, the importance of seeking the Hutt's cooperation. Supplies were always needed and although no sane being would attack a Mandolorian ship, smugglers and pirates weren't always in that category. As pitiful as it sounded, the odd pirate did get lucky in bringing down a convoy and getting away with the goods.

The Mandolorians could easily have come down upon the Hutt's with swift vengeance for these attacks. But their resources were still thin, their armies powerful but still growing. A war with the Hutt clans would not be in the favor of either side, even if the Mando's would be the winner in that battle. Simple as it was, the battle would cost them more then they would be willing to give.

This was the reason for Thel's presence within the dimly lit chamber that served as the Hutt's main quarters. Diplomacy would serve the Mandolorian cause better in this situation and Thel had come to negotiate a settlement that would benefit both sides. His side wanted the attacks on their convoys to stop; the Hutt's would no doubt want something in return of a monetary value. That would be no problem for Thel's people to provide; they earned enough spoils to provide the Hutt's with the needed bribes. And when they were the powerful empire they were aiming to be...then they would settle a new deal with the Hutt clans. One more inclined to benefit the Mando'lore.

Now Thel was merely waiting to finalize the deal before heading back home. And Thel could not get away any faster; this place was filled with the weak, the dishonest, the filthy. The stench within the Hutt's lair assaulted Thel's senses, leaving him in a constant state of irritation. No one dared approach him, clad in his armor from neck to toe, his reptilian head the only uncovered part of his form. It was a sight that made lesser men whimper; here, it merely kept those he held disdain for away.

And Thel was thankful for that.

Motion near the door made Thel twist his neck to look that way. Another new arrival, one among many. This one walked different, however, for although the man walked forward and proud, there was hesitation in his walk. A first timer in the lair of slime, perhaps. Or someone who had failed the Hutt and had returned to voice his excuses. No matter what the man's reason for being her, it was of no concern to Thel. Still...perhaps it might prove to be a final entertainment before he left.

[berserker]

Thanks for the reply. I am aware that most of us have lives outside the internet so there's no need to apologize. No harm done.

Also, I am aware that Gamorreans are unable to speak basic. My character grew up in Tatooine and was exposed to the species, so he was able to understand quite a bit of their lingo, along with some Huttese. I am also aware of their apparent lack of etiquette, hence my character's evident reaction of surprise, but I see the point that lack of proper manners is what makes Gamorreans well... Gamorreans. I shall make it a point to make research on a certain species before writing. I've also read the rules and by Jove, you're right about the past tense thing! I'll surely keep that in mind next time.

By the way, love your character Thel. Reminds me of Garrus Vakarian from Mass Effect. XD

Now that's out of the way, here goes.

-

The moment Ress stepped into the Hutt's main hall, the first thing he noticed was the fully-clad figure of a Mandalorian that stood in front of the Hutt. He immediately made an effort to keep the piece of Mandalorian armor placed on his right shoulder from the Mando's view. Ress approached the Hutt cautiously as he kept a vigil eye on the Mandalorian; since the last time he saw one of his kind was through a sniper scope.

The second thing Ress noticed was the evidently foul odor of numerous smoked spices that emanated from who knows where. It took Ress every ounce of his willpower not to wrinkle his nose as he addressed the Hutt.

"Boga! You look great! Did you lose weight?" Ress said, displaying charisma so out of place, the awful smell of spice seemed to dissipate with his every word.

"Courtright!" The Hutt said, its voice filled with contempt in its thick, Huttese accent. "I am not amused! You owe me quite a lot of credits."

"Hey, it's all good." Ress said, as he flashed a credit chit in front of the Hutt. "Got all your creds right here. Plus a little extra for being such a swell uhh...guy." He added as he carefully placed the credit chit in front of the Hutt.

Boga didn't speak a word, nor did he budge. This made Ress feel uneasy and decided to move out while he still can. "I'll just show myself out." He said with an apprehensive smile. The moment he turned around, however...

"Courtright!" The Hutt's voice was filled with malice this time. "If I let every spacer who owes me this many credits pay his debts late, what do you think would people think of me?"

Ress turned his head. "A really nice guy?" He said over his shoulder. The Hutt apparently found this funny as the room was soon filled with its thunderous laugh. This was also a cue for Boga's retinue to raise their weapons and aimed them towards Ress.

Ress sighed and looked at the Mandalorian in front of him square into his eyes for the first time. With a sheepish grin, he mouthed, "Sorry mate."

With this, he dipped, while spreading his arms wide. A flash grenade appeared from each of his hands and were just mere milliseconds from detonation. Ress wasted no time and lunged towards the exit.

His hand reached out towards the Mandalorian's holster, hoping to steal whatever weapon he had on his person to aid Ress in his escape attempt.

[Jazen]

Thel did not know what to make of this situation. The most recent arrival to the Hutt's parlor, a small man that looked no different to Thel then any other of the simple rabble that the Hutt employed, was openly taking to the Hutt as if he were the one in charge.

Thel knew only a little about the Hutt's and the way they handled their illegal empires, but his knowledge did include that happened to those who challenged them. Or worse, those that owed them. From what he had been able to gather in intel before arriving here, those ended up either in the Hutt's permanent employ, became a slave to the Hutt or vanished from the galaxy entirely.

The fact that this man was challenging the Hutt brought an amused grin to Thel's features, which most species would find more menacing looking then its intended emotion. His four mandibles pulled back slightly, revealing the predatory canines that lined each fleshy protrusion. Either the man challenging the Hutt and making jokes at the Hutt's expense was foolish or suicidal. Perhaps a little brave, or bravado was measured by putting yourself in death's embrace for no reason whatsoever.

Then that man was sighing at the Hutt obviously did not find the situation to be amusing. And to Thel's surprise, the man turned to look at him briefly before muttering words of apology.

Thel had no time to consider just why the man was apologizing to him. No sooner had the words left him, the man was dropping, two devices spilling forth from the sleeves of his jacket. Thel's eyes realized what they were the moment the metal tubes came into view and his head barely snapped to the side with eyes closed in time. It wasn't enough to fully dull the effects of the flash bangs, but he had avoided the worst of it. It would take less time to fully recover.

Not fast enough. Something slammed into him and Thel was roughly aware of someone fumbling with the catch of his sidearm holster. A reaction honed by years of combat and an instinctive drive few could understand made him act, swinging his armored forearm in the direction the perceived assailant was. All the while, Thel was backpedaling, drawing a small blade with his free arm to fend off attackers should more come. His sense of smell was hindered in these foul place, but already his eyes were beginning to clear.

Whoever had dared to rush him, and he had a decent idea of who that might be, would regret choosing him as the target. Greatly.

[berserker]

Ress wasn’t always the type to take risks, but whenever he did, he always had contingencies hidden up his sleeves. At that moment, it was more literal than anything else. He hated the idea of winging it, however, and crashing into the giant of a Mandalorian wasn’t something he counted on. Still, it was either to man up or be immersed in carbonite and thrown into the putrid heart of Nar Shaddaa’s pits.

As he slammed into the reptilian Mando, the first thing that came into his mind was how much he regretted it, as it hurt like hell. Second was how awesome the piece of hardware the Mando had on his person as he nicked it off his holster. As he pulled the weapon out, however, the massive Mando’s arm bore down upon him, threatening to crush his small frame. Luckily, Ress only managed to move out of the way just as the heavily armoured appendage went full swing.

Not missing a beat, Ress sprang towards the door, shooting any of the Hutt’s retinue that was in his way, most of which are still staggering from his little surprise. As he ran out shooting, Ress was amazed at how powerful the Mandalorian blaster pistol was, so much so that he was tempted not to return it. But the last thing he wanted was a Mando chasing him across the galaxy for a pilfered weapon. As such, he dropped it on the floor the moment he deemed that the space between him and the doorway was clear of hostiles.

“Cad! We’re leaving.” He said through the commlink on his ear. As soon as he said so, the small droid immediately flew through one of the windows lining the hallway that leads to the turbolift. Ress was pleased to see that he didn’t have to worry about the two Gamorrean guards as they lay stunned on the floor, effects of his droid’s handiwork, which was equipped with a stun beam arm. As he ran towards the hallway, he felt a smile creep across his face. “That went well.” He told himself.

[Jazen]

Air. That was what Thel's arm made contact with when he swung his roundhouse in an attempt to discourage or cripple his attacker. Whoever it was must have been quick to see the attack coming, equally quick enough to evade it.

With a resounding roar of frustration, Thel turned his still clearing eyes in the direction of his perceived attacker. Already the room was beginning to take on a more physical shape, and Thel was just barely able to make out the form of a man on the run, the odd shape of the weapon he held being enough for Thel to recognize his own pistol.

Shaking his head, Thel started after the man. An unfortunate thug took this as a sign of teamwork from the pair, and turned on Thel. The man was dead before he hit the floor, a clean cut being all Thel needed to silence the life within him. Another man tried rushing him on the way out; Thel sent him flying back with a single armored punch to the jaw. And all the while, Thel's momentum was not stilled in anyway, which put him almost on his attacker's heels.

The clatter of a weapon forced him to glance down, the last of the flash fading within his slitted eyes. With a snarl, Thel bent over and scooped his weapon back up on the run, aware of the angry sounds of the Hutt behind him. Luckily, it was more directed at the man who'd caused the trouble then Thel, which meant peace was still possible. Perhaps if the man was returned to the Hutt, then better negotiations could be made. With that in mind, Thel let his powerful legs take him on, snapping his helmet into place with practiced ease.

The man had gotten a good head start, but Thel's strides were longer, his legs taking him farther with one step to the man's two. It was with this that the man was in sight as Thel bounced the corner, and even as the man spoke words to what looked to be a droid of unique design, Thel was flinging his massive body at him, the distance good enough that missing was unlikely. Still, he was ready to draw his blaster, just in case.

[berserker]

“[Maroon]Courtight! I will kill you![/Maroon]” The Hutt’s booming voice filled the great hall as Ress nearly reached the entrance into the hallway, basking in the Huttesse curses sent his way. A smile crept across his face, as he suppressed the need to laugh at a time like that. He can’t help but look back to see the face on the Hutt, however, as the sight that he would certainly relish for the rest of his short life. A feeling of dread crept over him with what he saw, however.

It was the Mando. In full-clad Beskar armor barreling towards him in full speed. Ress cursed. The Mandalorian recovered unexpectedly fast from his little surprise and was now in pursuit. At the split-second that Ress noticed the Mandalorian, it was already too late, as he was already in mid-jump. Ress could only do little not to get crushed under the Mandalorian’s massive frame.

And that's when he hit the doorway’s frame. Of all the stupid things that he has done, that was the top of the list. He spun off balanced, forced to face his pursuer as he fell back.

The cold plasteel floor was the next thing he felt. He was slightly dazed, awoken only by the large hand of the massive Mando gripping both his legs. They were both on the hallway floor. Ress took the chance to reach towards the rifle he left on the hallway. Once he managed that, he used the butt of the rifle and sent a bash towards the Mando’s visor, hoping to stun him long enough to make an escape. He needed to get away. He needed to live.

[Jazen]

Thel was not a being that laughed often. The odd times that laughter did make its way into his vocabulary the result was more often then not good for the other party. Thel's race was one bred to be warriors, with combat dictating their lives from young to old, from life to death. Laughter was a concept that, while not foreign to them, was simply something not done often.

This was one of those rare times that laughter won out. The sight of the man, who was so sure of himself a moment ago, running head first into a door frame and all but bouncing back into Thel's bounding arms, was too much. Beneath his helmet, Thel was chuckling, his jaws flapping as the deep sound echoed from this throat.

Thel's leap had left him in possession of the man's legs, one clamped firmly in his vice-like grip. Wasting little time, Thel was already returning to his own feet, a prepared thought to keep this man pinned with a hand before an armored boot took over. Just as he was rising to his knees, however, something slammed into his helmet. Not with enough force to truly do any real damage, neither to Thel or his equipment, but enough to startle him and momentarily stun him.

The man had obviously hoped it would be enough to let him escape. HIs experience against Mandalorians...Thel found it wanting.

With a snarl from within his helmet, Thel yanked on the man's leg, then sent a kick towards his gut, putting just enough force behind it to take the wind from the man. After all, the better the condition the man was in, the better the Hutt's mood might be. At least then the man might get a fair chance to defend himself before the Hutt ended him. Even as he thought, Thel prepared to pin the man down after his kick with an armored hell, his deep voice sounding even colder through the helmet.

"Stay down. You're attempts to flee will meet with despair. Surrender before you make me angry."


{Be careful not to powerplay, FZ. You don't just get to say strikes landed. It might be suitable here, but be wary. ~Rugs}