Garret Dorne (WIP)

[jleo]

Name: Garret Dorne
Race: Human
Age: 21 (soon to be 22)
Height: 5'9"
Weight: 180

Appearance: Garret is of average height and A bit bulky for a jedi. He has well defined muscles and and is built like a football player. Garret keeps his dark black hair fairly short and hardly ever does it leaving him looking like he just woke up. His deep brown eyes seem to hold a mystery and his smile makes you wonder what trouble he's caused. Being a padawan he tends to wear simple jedi clothing, a comfortably fitting dark grey tunic and pant combo. He has boots of the same color that are just as comfortably fitting. A black vest fits just over his tunic as well. He usually wears a black belt that holds his satchel and lightsaber.

Personality: Fun loving and outgoing Garret will alwasy be the first to make conversation. He is willing to do whatever it takes to do what he feels is right even going against the wishes of the council. Garret is a loyal friend and a fearsome enemy.

Birth place: Coruscant

Faction: Jedi
Rank: Padawan

Lightsaber: Single Blade
Color: Blue

Practiced Lightsaber forms:

Shii-Cho 5
Makashi 0
Soresu 1
Ataru 0
Shien / Djem So 2
>>Sub-form Backhanded 0
Niman 0
>>Sub-form Jar-kai, or Dual Wield 0
Juyo 0
Double Bladed Combat 0

Force-Sensitive Abilities or practices:
Force Push
Force Jump
Force Speed
Saber Throw
Mind Trick

Telekinetic: 6
Telepathic: 2
Body: 6
Sense: 2
Protection: 6
Healing: 0
Destruction: 0

Specialized Skills:
Pilot training


Attributes:

Physical Strength: 6
Intelligence: 6
Speed: 4
Leadership: 4

Unarmed: 4
Melee Weapons: 2
Ranged Weapons: 0

Force Attunement: 6

Bio:

RP Sample:

[10Tickler]

Howdy! I see that you're still WIP, but watch this:

I'm going to give you a quickie review, covering your stats and making notes on things you should probably change/explain in your biography!

Now, I'm not a Mod, NGT or Admin, but...I've been here for a while, made a few characters (Just one or two or 7ish) and I know how it goes. You don't have to listen, but if you do, it might help!

Jan 16, 2012 21:40:00 GMT -5 jleo said:

Age: 20 (soon to be 21) Czech
Height: 5'9" Czech
Weight: 180

Appearance: Garret is of average height and A bit bulky for a jedi. He has well defined muscles and and is built like a football player. Garret keeps his dark black hair fairly short and hardly ever does it leaving him looking like he just woke up. His deep brown eyes seem to hold a mystery and his smile makes you wonder what trouble he's caused. Being a padawan he tends to wear simple jedi clothing, a comfortably fitting dark grey tunic and pant combo. He has boots of the same color that are just as comfortably fitting.A black vest fits just over his tunic as well. He usually wears a black belt that holds his satchel and lightsaber.
Czech, however this feels pretty basic. Work through it, double-check your grammar and feel free to add more detail, Detail is like your 4 basic food groups, Meat, Potatoes, Beans and Lard.

Personality: Fun loving and outgoing Garret will alwasy be the first to make conversation. He is willing to do whatever it takes to do what he feels is right even going against the wishes of the council. Garret is a loyal friend and a fearsome enemy.
Czech
Birth place: Coruscant
Czech
Faction: Jedi Czech
Rank: Padawan (His Master is ) Czech No need for the Master bit tho.

Lightsaber: Single Blade
Color: Blue
Czech
Practiced Lightsaber forms:

Shii-Cho 4
Makashi 0
Soresu 2
Ataru 0
Shien / Djem So 2
>>Sub-form Backhanded 0
Niman 0
>>Sub-form Jar-kai, or Dual Wield 0
Juyo 0
Double Bladed Combat 0
Czech, But watch this! If you wanted to drop a point in Soresu/Shien, you could, and probably should bump up Shii-cho to a 5. Padawans are expected to master Form 1 before they become knights!
Force-Sensitive Abilities or practices:
Czech-ish, feel free to add the basics, Push, etc
Telekinetic: 6 Czech
Telepathic: 2 Czech
Body: 6 Czech
Sense: 2 Czech
Protection: 6 Czech
Healing: 3 Nope.jpg. Healing is a Specialized skill. One point, I could understand, 2 maybe, but three shows that he's taken time with the Circle of Healers to work on mastering it. You're pretty strong already, shouldn't need this tho...
Destruction: 0
Czech
Specialized Skills: N/A
Czech
Attributes:

Physical Strength: 8 Our stat system is odd. 10 is the Strength of the Gods, 9 is the Galaxy's strongest Wookie. an 8 would be probably be close to Galactic Body Builder champion.
Intelligence: 6
Speed: 4
Leadership: 6 I'm not saying no, I'm saying you have to explain it well in the bio, give him a chance to lead and to do well doing it, mmkay?

Unarmed: 7 Again, you're going to want to drop this from a 7, probably to a 5, and Explain why he's so good at wrestling/Muey Thai/jiujitsu/whatever
Melee Weapons: 2 Czech, Just an Fyi, this doesn't mean sabers, although I'm pretty sure I can tell
Ranged Weapons: 0 Czech

Force Attunement: 7 nope.js Again, the system is odd, but Yoda would have been a 9, at best. 10 is a shining pillar of Justice and Righteousness. A -10 would be the galaxy's worst Scumbag ever. Kicking puppies and saying rude things to babies would be relaxing to a -10. a 7 is Master-level Positive attunement. A Padawan's just starting to get a feeling for how the galaxy works and how people are.

Bio:

RP Sample:

Overall...not too shabby.

Wouldn't get the lmr seal of approval, but it's close, just needs a little fine-tuning. You'll do fine!

[jleo]

Thanks for the tips I just figured his big size would make him kinda good at hand to hand combat at least as far as bowling people over. I'll change it around though

[jleo]

Ok edited abit any more tips would be apreciated.

[Cain]

Jan 16, 2012 21:40:00 GMT -5 jleo said:

Force-Sensitive Abilities or practices:
Force Push
Force Jump
Force Speed
Saber Throw
Mind Trick

Specialized Force powers go under "Specialized Skills", and only include the powers found on the list HERE. <Click

Jan 16, 2012 21:40:00 GMT -5 jleo said:

Specialized Skills:
Pilot training

This is where the Force powers go. You don't need to mention the pilot training.

[Lemur, The Kool-Aid Guy]

Still working on this?

[Lemur, The Kool-Aid Guy]

Moved to incomplete.