Sage Advice [lmr, Iota?, blue]

[Mara]

(((Sorry for the wait…
Also, blue won't be coming in with Larkin till towards the end...)))



[…from Questions and Answers]

“Thank you, Desta.” Xierra nodded and smiled at her fellow Jedi, a young, blonde female human. The elder padawan had been helping her with gathering supplies needed for her training mission off planet with her own padawan. Desta was one of the Jedi at the Temple in charge of such things along with her Rodian master Plado. As Desta responded in kind with a smile and nod of her own before departing, the Falleen knight turned back to her datapad where she marked off yet another point on her departure checklist. Supplies: enough foodstuffs and water for a month, glowrods, spare power cells, training materials, and other necessary equipment. Check.

She tucked her datapad into her utility belt and started loading the last few containers onboard the small transport she had procured for the short trip to Caamas. Having no firm idea of how long they would be away from the Temple for and making a conservative estimate that it would be at least a couple weeks, Xierra had opted not to request a pilot for herself and her padawan. Though not herself an experienced, expert pilot, she had flown before. Still, she had taken some time in the past few days to reacquaint herself with the controls and practiced a few takeoffs and landings, planning to use the autopilot for most of the trip across the Core. The last of the boxes stowed safely away, she stepped out and engaged the cargo ramp to close. Ship filled with said supplies. Check.

Now there was only one missing piece from this upcoming training puzzle. The Jedi: herself and most importantly, her padawan. She glanced at her chrono. It would be yet another hour before the time she had set for Larkin to meet her in the hangar. With the only thing left to complete being the actual departure, Xierra decided to take a few moments to relax and try to meditate. Though this was not her first padawan, he was certainly different and challenging in different ways to the lost Zorn. She would have to almost go back to the beginning and re-train the boy. Plus, she herself was changed since then, so much had happened in a short amount of time, and she had to admit to a slight nervousness mixed in with some excitement at this new adventure.

Xierra walked a few meters away from the ship where she had left her cloak and the few items she would carry on her person that she had taken off for better ease of finishing off her preparations. She clipped on the two lightsabers, her own and her former master’s, packed away her fighting rods. There was also a shoulder pack, but it was mostly empty in lieu of filling it later with supplies from the ship before they ventured into the jungle for training. After slipping on her robes, she pulled out the strap holding her hair out of the way and ran her green, clawed fingers through it to get out any kinks and tangles. It had been tied tightly against her head, the ends flowing out and down in almost a faux representation of the topknot of her fellow Falleen except that her own head was not shaved.

Comfortably in her full Jedi attire, she settled into a cross-legged pose on the floor and closed her eyes. Xierra began moving into a meditation state, pushing away other distractions. The sounds of hangar personnel going about their tasks, including the two fueling up her transport, slowly faded away. She fell deeper and deeper within herself and the Force. Though she knew that Master Revisc could no longer help her, she found herself delving into the memories of his training and lessons, looking for insight and techniques she could use for Larkin. She wanted anything that would help her for the difficult task ahead of reintroducing the Force to her padawan.

[Lemur, The Kool-Aid Guy]

The Jedi Weapons Master Teer Ka stood on the very edge of the flight deck in the Jedi Temple's hangars, watching the comings and goings of the various support staff as well as the movements of other Jedi. Every single person moving about on the flight deck had a purpose, a function. They were responsible for maintenance, for directing traffic, and for prepping craft for travel. Everyone except for her was there for a reason.

Teer had come merely to see what there was to be seen.

Sight-seeing was hardly in her nature purely for recreational purposes, and certainly not when it came to matters of technology. Her stance on technology was hardly unusual for her species, though it was a bit more of an abnormality for a Togruta raised in the Jedi Order. Somehow though, she'd never developed an affinity for technology, for mechanical things. It wasn't that she was too stupid to understand it, but rather that she simply didn't find the subject compelling. Her knowledge of things technological and mechanical was constrained to practical things, like avoiding power couplings and ray shields, and simple things, like the use of a datapad.

Somewhere in the past decade, with her youth fading, the Jedi Master had taken a task onto her shoulders. She'd determined that the gaps in her education needed to be filled, that there were things she hadn't learned. That had begun a saga of learning, of numerous research projects into history, into the arts, and into science. She'd learned about astronomy recently, focusing on stellar cartography. That had been informative, but the time had come to learn about something new.

That had been ships.

Sirius would have approved with his love for technology, but her Padawan needed some time to himself. His Trial of Flesh had been more severe than most, losing his arm. Love of technology or not, no one wished for a cybernetic arm instead of their own flesh and blood. It was very hard for him, and he had an increased amount of anger. She was no telepath, but she didn't need to be one in order to sense that in him. It had been her judgment that he needed to sort this out himself, and after much worrying and days without sleep, she'd come to the conclusion she needed to do much the same, to focus on something else.

The result had been a visit to the flight deck, to cement what she'd learned of aerospace herself. She had to admit she had a keen interest in operations, in the smooth flow of daily activities. And as she'd observed, everyone had a purpose. There were the fuel handlers and the mechanics, the crew chiefs and the pilots, and the directors waving pilots in and out. And off to the side was a Falleen, not more than fifteen feet from a shuttle being fueled and loaded. That was, if Teer correctly remembered what she'd read, not advisable.

The Togruta Jedi walked over briskly, black leather boots tapping on the hard surface of the deck as she drew closer. Finally she came to a stop before the other Jedi and cleared her throat, hoping to catch the woman's attention.

"A flight deck is not a good place for meditation."

[Mara]

Deeply ensconced within her mind aided by the Force, Xierra traveled the neural pathways of her mind, picking up memories here and there of her own training as a padawan. She was hoping to find something that her former master had taught her that would be useful as a lesson for Larkin. It wasn’t that she wasn’t confident about her own abilities, though perhaps there was a little uncertainty at the back of it all; it was more that she had learned so much with Master Revisc and just wanted to pass down the human Jedi’s wisdom. He had had such a way with words, able to explain anything to her, either simply or more complex. Xierra herself never fancied herself all that proficient in such speaking arenas. But one by one as she came across them, she had to toss aside the teaching techniques she came across. While good methods and lessons, none of them really fit her situation with her own padawan.

A bit frustrated and disappointed at these revelations, she decided to change tactics. She took a couple deep breaths to calm herself and settled down to search a different area of her brain and being for new ideas that would help Larkin through his path towards becoming a full Jedi. But this switch had also briefly loosened her hold on the Force, and before she had been able to settle back down into full meditation, she felt more readily her surroundings. The familiar senses of the hangar workers hummed in the background along with the noises accompanied by their tasks. Then she felt something new, a stronger presence in the Force that hadn’t been there earlier. A Jedi then, and not Desta or Plado.

Her black eyes had snapped open before the Jedi standing in front of her had even announced her presence and spoken. Immediately, the information came to her; what she had felt through the Force became a clearer picture once she used the rest of her senses. What she had felt as merely an unfamiliar Force aura materialized into a master, one she hadn’t any contact with, but one she definitely knew of. The Togruta female was a weaponsmaster, if she recalled correctly. If Xierra hadn’t spent so many of her padawan years away from the Temple on Coruscant training with her master and attending missions with him, perhaps she would have gotten to know the elder Jedi in a way more than the brief knowledge she had held.

Xierra quickly unfolded her legs and stood up, her robes swirling; the one graceful movement belied her fluster and embarrassment at having been caught unawares. Her skin had flushed darker with splashes of reddish undertones at the surprise of the Jedi master’s appearance, but luckily she had kept her pheromones in check. After years and years of practice, most of the time she forgot about their existence. She bobbed her head in deference of the older Jedi’s higher position and rank in power, her black hair swinging down around to frame her face. “Master Ka.”

Pulling in a deep breath and taking a better hold of the Force, she soon regained her composure, her skin resettling into its normal greenish gray hue, her face no longer showing any trace of her earlier discomfort. She smoothed the few wrinkles from her clothing gained from sitting on the hangar floor and then fitted her green scaled arms into the opposite sleeves of her brown robe. If she had any strengths beyond what the Jedi had taught her, it was an ability to adapt quickly to most situations, taking everything in stride. Never once had it even crossed her mind the reason why Master Ka had come into her presence; it was not her place to question the movements of Jedi with higher rank.

Xierra glanced at her surroundings before turning her gaze finally to the Togruta. She smiled respectfully and nodded in agreement. “That may be true. But it was spontaneous, not a planned choice. I generally prefer the confines of my quarters or spending time in the Room of a Thousand Fountains.” The Falleen Jedi paused briefly considering how much to say, but knowing that the more experienced Jedi would probably be able to ferret out the information anyway, continued. “My padawan and I are departing for training, but since I finished early with preparing our transport, I decided to spend the remaining time here in the hangar. It seemed a better choice, rather than going back into the Temple itself for so short a time.” A wry smile played on her features before she added, “Perhaps I should have chosen a better way to pass the time. The meditation hadn’t been helping, anyway.”

[Lemur, The Kool-Aid Guy]

Teer found herself at somewhat of a disadvantage, and probably not for the last time. The Falleen woman knew her by sight and name apparently, which was more than the Togruta Weapons Master could say in return, since she had no idea who the woman was. Not even the face was familiar, and off the top of her head Master Ka couldn't think of any Falleen she'd ever known or instructed, since they were a rather rare species to find in the ranks of the Jedi meeting one would have left a certain impression.

The Togruta woman found herself nodding her head in response to the use of her name, scrutinizing the Knight's face in the hopes of remembering it, but drawing a complete blank.

That meant they'd never had a class together, which was hardly a surprise. It had been a few years since she'd taught anything on a remotely regular basis, though she was dabbling with returning to it. It was quite possible that she was known to the Falleen through reputation, which was, in a way, rather flattering. With over thirty dead Dark Jedi to her name now she did command certain respect, not that she was often given it.

Lying Younglings, deceitful Knights, and rude Padawans had all crossed paths with her in recent months, and she wasn't thrilled by any of those. In fact, just having a Knight know her by sight and call her by her title was rather... pleasing.

A rare half smile appeared on her face as the woman continued talking, and Teer had the feeling she was in one of her better moods now.

"You have my sympathies on meditation. I can count times when it has proven impossible for me as well." Teer was referring to the loss of Dantooine and the loss of Rhen Var, which had both taken a heavy toll on her. She hadn't been able to meditate then, and it had gnawed at her incessantly, making her feel like a trapped creature rather than a Jedi.

"And I hope your training goes well. Perhaps, though, we should move off of the flight deck and to the side, allowing the crew to properly prepare your shuttle." Teer hinted gently in her husky voice as she turned to walk away from the ship and towards the edge of the hangar near the wall, safely out of the way.

[Mara]

Her spirits brightened a bit to hear that a more experienced Jedi also had difficulties in meditation from time to time—though perhaps for different reasons—and the grayish hues in her skin lessened amongst all the green tones. It was a bit of a confidence boost for her, proof that her trouble in concentrating and focusing on ways to help her padawan was not a product of her recent knighthood and even newer role as a teacher. The difficulties lay in the situation, not the level of skill. This revelation filled her with hope, and she wondered briefly whether it was the Force itself that had brought the Togruta master to her in this moment, knowing that she needed words of encouragement, buried though they were in a rather innocent statement. Not really having a vocal response to this, though, the Falleen knight merely nodded and smiled, grateful for the elder Jedi’s words.

But Master Ka’s mention of her upcoming training mission with Larkin gave Xierra pause, unsure of how to answer, and her skin returned to normal. She was obviously flattered by the Togruta’s sentiment but also noticed a wry, grim smile pulling across her green-scaled face. Still, she remembered her manners and pushed away any negative thoughts, composing herself. “Thank you, Master Ka. I also hope it goes well.” Though, Xierra was pretty sure she would be happy with any progress she made with the human boy. He would definitely be a challenge; she would gratefully settle for the hope that they didn’t encounter any serious setbacks in his learning, which was a fear of hers.

Xierra let herself be led away from the transport and joined the other Jedi off to the side of the hangar. Not usually one to shirk in the face of possible danger, she had moved out of respect for the master’s request. Arguing her logic and preference would only have been a waste of time. Plus, Jedi etiquette was one of the lessons Master Revisc had had to particularly dwell on during their time together; she wouldn’t likely forget it. And it would allow them to continue to speak without having as much bothersome noise to tune out.

As she turned to face Master Ka again, she realized that her height was nearly level with the Togruta’s. However, her own sight line was still a bit higher, accounting for the illusion of the elder Jedi’s montrals and the actual position of her eyes. It had been such a long time that the tall Falleen had conversed with anyone around height and especially a female. This somehow made her feel more comfortable around the weaponsmaster. In her younger years, she sometimes had felt self-conscious of her height; being taller than her master hadn’t helped much either. Though she had gotten used to them, the old feelings would come back every so often when she was around other Jedi, other beings.

Now that she realized that Master Ka was lingering and prepared to continue conversing, she broke the momentary silence. The voice of her former master still tickled at the back of her mind, and she remembered she had failed to introduce herself. Instead of allowing this to embarrass her, she pressed on, ducking in a shallow bow. “Xierra Zalq, Jedi Knight.” Feeling that she needed to say something more, Xierra continued on, her tone light and just tinged with curiosity. “What brings you to the hangar, Master Ka?” She kept the topic neutral, not willing to expand upon her doubts of her upcoming training with her padawan, hoping that the matter was settled between the two of them, and wanting to find out whether this meeting had been premeditated or merely a planning of the Force.

[Lemur, The Kool-Aid Guy]

As the Falleen woman belatedly introduced herself, Teer bowed her head politely, her curving montrals dipping with the motion. It was a slight movement, but one that came across as especially graceful. That was, in her experience, a good impression to make.

Grace had a place in combat, and it was essential for all forms. She felt, however, that Makashi had too much form and not enough substance. It was a relic, graceful yes, but a relic rendered unneeded by subsequent forms.

Once again Master Ka realized she'd been distracted from an academic pursuit by something she already knew. How typical it was for your own comfort zone to seduce you and draw you in to ground you'd been over before. It battled the allure of the unknown, set itself as an opposing force. She wasn't here for lightsaber combat or instruction, she was here for new knowledge.

Xierra's question reminded her of that.

"I am here to learn more about the operations of a hangar and the functions of spacecraft. These are topics I never learned on Dantooine as a child, and which I neglected as a young Knight. It is high time for me to catch up, to fill myself with remedial knowledge."

Teer turned to watch as a shuttle rose from its place on the hangar floor with a whine, slowly heading out. She had to admit it was impressive. It ponderously turned and flew out with increasing speed.

With the shuttle gone, she directed her attention back to the Falleen Knight.

"I highly doubt something that trivial would capture your attention. Is there anything else you wish to discuss?"

[Mara]

(((Ending seems a bit awkward to me... but I guess it's better than them talking in circles for a few more posts.. ;p)))



Master Ka’s answer told Xierra that perhaps she had been reading too much into this chance meeting, and it made the Fallen relax a bit more with the relief of the realization. It seemed it was not a stirring of the Force but a journey that the Togruta master had taken of her own accord. Inwardly, she chided herself. She had to keep reminding herself that she needed to focus on the present and not worry about the future, not try to decipher a motive behind every action. Though she innately trusted the Force to guide her, it was not always such an up-front or visible presence in her life. The arrival of the Jedi master should have been nothing but an honor for her, not something that had to have a hidden meaning behind it.

She nodded as she listened, tossing away her silly seer-like thoughts. Xierra kept her mind open, despite the fact that she found it a bit of an odd choice for a Jedi of Master Ka’s rank. It wasn’t that she expected Jedi of higher rank not to crave more knowledge; it was a guarantee that no one could ever have enough time to gather all the information in the galaxy. But the Falleen was a bit surprised in which subject the Togruta had wished to seek out. Of course, she thought about it, if one was an expert on various means of weaponry, it stood to reason to want something that was entirely different. She briefly wondered what she would choose, had she the time, but instead she politely said, “ “I understand. Jedi never stop learning.”

They fell into a companionable silence, and she began to think about how best to tactfully take her leave of the master, so they could both be on their way. Despite the pleasant conversation with the Jedi master and the distraction it had brought her, Xierra still wanted to try to get a bit of meditation in before her padawan arrived to depart the Temple. Though there would be time en route, she hoped to spend some of the trip teaching Larkin as well, and meditation together was a lot different than meditation alone. Right now was probably the only quiet time she’d get by herself before their lessons started in earnest.

Xierra’s green lips had parted, words of suggestion on her tongue, when Master Ka turned back to her and spoke. Her dark eyes blinked, the question startling her a bit, and her mouth snapped shut. She wondered if the Togruta master had been reading her mind, but no, she would have surely felt that. Though Falleen were immune to mind tricks and suggestions, it didn’t mean that they were entirely closed off to telepathy from other Force users. Looking away, she thought of how best to answer; obviously the easiest would be to blow off the master, say she had nothing to discuss, which in fact, was mostly true. But to give up an opportunity such as this was not easy. She might not have another chance in quite a while to pick a master’s brain.

Turning her gaze back to Master Ka, she shook her head, agreeing that she was not here to learn about ship mechanics, but she didn’t need to remind the master of something she already knew. “No.” She took a deep breath and exhaled before diving in, hoping the Togruta wouldn’t be offended by her abruptness and lack of delicacy. “I don’t want to keep you, Master Ka…” Xierra paused very briefly before moving on. She knew for almost certain that the master would just wave her on and ask her to continue anyway. “But I have to admit to a small degree of anxiety regarding training my padawan. That is why I was spending this extra time before we depart meditating.”

[Lemur, The Kool-Aid Guy]

Teer nodded, a look of infinite understanding on her orange face. Anxiety regarding training Padawans. She'd had that ever since a month before accepting her first, and it had reemerged countless times sense, with every minor setback, and with every major failure. Deaths had plagued her with worries, and her own perceived failures in training had caused the most consternation. So yes, she fully understood the sensation gripping the Falleen before her. She even said as much.

"It is hardly an imposition Knight Zalq. A Jedi Master's responsibilities for teaching do not end with our own Padawans. I do not count myself among the wisest in our Order, or the most skilled, but I am at your disposal. And perhaps more than most I am capable of understanding the anxiety you feel."

Jet black eyes peered off into the distance with a thousand yard stare as Teer wondered vaguely what was spoken of her in the halls of the Temple. Of all the thousands of Jedi, it was both hard and easy to believe she had a reputation amongst them. It was hard to believe that she, one lone woman, could be known among the rank and file of the Jedi, least of all by sight. She was just a master, not a Councilor, not the Battlemaster. Yet, she did have a track record of combat, and had on occasion delved into instruction in the combat arts. In fact, she'd killed almost thirty Dark Jedi by herself, and captured easily twice that. For those reasons it would make sense that some knew her.

But if they knew her, then her shame was likely known too. Of her Padawans, only one had become a successful Knight. Another had died, and then one had fallen to the Dark Side. And, to add to it all, her current Padawan had been maimed by a Dark Jedi in a duel. Her latest failure. Surely that had become known as well in the Temple. However, Teer didn't listen to gossip. She was too old to be one of the youth with their constant tales, and too young to be a woman with nothing else but gossip to dwell upon. She had her work. And that was enough.

She decided to elaborate as if her past wasn't known, just to be safe.

"I have learned how to train Padawans the hard way Knight Zalq. My first was killed on Shili, and my second fell to the Dark Side. My third has been a success, and despite his recent injury I am pleased with my fourth. I have gained experience, and I am ready to answer any questions you may have. Consider myself at your disposal."

[Mara]

(((Apologies for the delay… it’s hard to find time with all this OT at work…)))


A big wave of relief washed over Xierra after finally getting her worries out in the open. Up until now, she had kept them mostly to herself, allowing them to slowly grow within her, troubling her thoughts further and making her nervous. Besides the most general of anxieties for the upcoming training, she knew the life she was setting on with her padawan Larkin held a lot of uncertainty. It would be much more work than any other student she could have chosen; the boy needed to be reintroduced to the Force. And through it all was her past experience, the loss of her first padawan Zorn. She didn’t want to repeat past mistakes. This next step was far from simple for the Falleen.

Xierra listened closely as Master Ka spoke, putting a voice to what she had already assumed the master would say. The knight’s request had been more of polite formality than an actual question of whether the Togruta would continue to speak to her. Jedi were ingrained to help in any way they could, especially those who were not as far along in their Force journey. However, it was still good to hear the words aloud, and she felt a bit of a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. And of course, it was a great honor for her to be able to learn anything from an elder Jedi, no matter what the subject matter was. She would treat this conversation with the uttermost respect.

She nodded in agreement with Master Ka’s response; if Master Revisc were still among the living, Xierra felt sure that the human Jedi would have continued to pass along his wisdom to her, even after she had been knighted and moved off on her own. And understandably, a Jedi with as much past experience as the Togruta master was more than qualified to help Xierra ease her nervousness of training Larkin. Master Ka would have seen and encountered many things throughout her life and be able to impart insight into situations that the Falleen wouldn’t be able to. Perhaps, after all, this was not some random meeting between Jedi, and the Force had been at work. Advice from Master Ka was just what she felt she needed right now.

As the Togruta master looked away, Xierra stood quietly, wondering if she was expected to say something in response. She hadn’t felt like anything really required a reply, but then again, in her own limited experience, masters tended to teach with puzzles and enigmas. Or at least, her master had. And so she went back over Master Ka’s words in her head, picking it apart, but she found nothing, in her understanding, that was anything but a benign explanation. Deciding then that the master was just thinking, she remained still and waited patiently for more of the elder being’s wisdom.

Soon, Master Ka did speak, further detailing her qualifications to help out the knight with her anxious thoughts for her upcoming training. Xierra hadn’t really been expecting such; she had felt it was something that didn’t need to be said. Just realizing that Master Ka was able to help her had been enough for the Falleen knight. Considering the master’s age and length of time as a Jedi, the exact knowledge of her past padawans should have been unnecessary. She had already assumed that the master had had a few students. But she paid rapt attention anyway; a learning moment could be hiding anywhere. The master must have a reason for wanting to explain about her own experiences.

Her black eyes widened and her skin paled as the Togruta discussed her various padawans. She had had no prior knowledge what Master Ka had gone through. There were so many Jedi at the Temple, and having spent so much time away during her own training, she was rather oblivious to anything but the most important news. Obviously, she had expected Master Ka would have had multiple students, but multiple failures? The idea had never approached her mind. Of course, she didn’t believe that every master’s padawan would be successful, but on the other hand, she hadn’t allowed herself to think about what could go wrong. It would only cause her more anxiety if she dwelled on the possible negatives.

The Falleen knight felt a degree of empathy for the older Jedi and expressed this through the Force, unwittingly expelling soothing pheromones in the process. Though it hadn’t happened in such an extreme way, she also had lost a padawan, during the battle for Rhen Var. Zorn was forever gone from her. And in a way, her loss was harder. At least Master Ka knew for certain what had become of her students; Xierra still had no inkling of whether the young Zabrak was still alive or not. And that was one of the reasons she was afraid for her new student, afraid she would let Larkin down as well.

There were dozens of things she could have said to Master Ka, explaining her own similar situation, expressing her sympathies. She could have delved right into her worries and questions, without acknowledging the master’s troubled past. But none of that seemed appropriate in this moment. Suddenly her anxiety at Larkin’s training didn’t feel as important as what she had just learned. So instead, she said, “I—I had no idea, Master. That must have been really hard.” Her last words were filled with the emotion of knowing, at least somewhat, how hard it had actually been. She moved her arms upwards and hugged them across her chest.

[Lemur, The Kool-Aid Guy]

Teer narrowed one eye in an expression of skepticism at what was possibly the most obvious thing she'd heard all year.

That must have been really hard.

As if losing the closest things to children you could ever have in the Jedi Order would be easy? There was really no alternative to hard. Such a simple statement, while undoubtedly having the best of intentions, was still bordering on incredibly foolish.

The Togruta master closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Getting angry wouldn't help this at all, and she was beyond that. Teer was at the phase in her life where she couldn't justify anger, not anymore. Maybe when she was young and brash it could be accepted. However, she was almost sixty, and it was hard to truly bother her now.

She opened her eyes again and the look in them was perfectly cool and collected.

"Do you have any questions Knight?"

[Mara]

After her heartfelt attempt at sympathy towards Master Ka’s loss, a loss that brought her own to the forefront of her mind, Xierra could feel a change in the Togruta’s Force aura and could clearly see the change on her orange face. Not quite frustration, but perhaps… annoyance, irritation? She was confused at this. Her words had been meant to soothe with the deepest expression of her own experience. The Falleen hadn’t been just reciting a meaningless platitude for what had happened to the Jedi master; it had been a reiteration of how hard it had been for herself to let go of Zorn. But that had to be the only reason she was feeling these darkened emotions radiating from the other Jedi. Master Ka had just misunderstood somehow. Perhaps Xierra should have explained herself more clearly in her response.

The Togruta master swept Xierra’s words aside then after a few moments of closed-eyed silence and focused back on the Falleen Jedi. However, Xierra was unwilling to let the topic slide, not yet. She couldn’t let Master Ka get the wrong impression of her. And also, it could possibly lead into what her nervousness about her new padawan’s training was all about and why she continued to speak with the Togruta master, looking for advice and assurance of any kind. The Falleen female felt that everything led back to Zorn, at least since returning to Taris without the young Zabrak. Even though Master Took had earlier helped her come to terms with her loss and given her what she needed to move on with her life as a Jedi, it was still there within her, just not quite as painful.

Before she spoke, she increased the soothing tones in her Force presence. “Master, I’m truly sorry if my words sounded trite and… and silly. Thinking back on them, I can see how they would. But I assure you I meant them with the utmost sincerity. Though I could never begin to imagine what you have gone through, I have had a similar experience.” Xierra paused, wanting to look away but forced herself to keep her gaze on the Togruta’s. “I know it was hard for me to lose my own padawan, back on Rhen Var. To this day, I do not know his fate, whether he still lives or not. But I had to leave the possibilities behind, for my own safety. And knowing how hard that was for me, what you experienced had to have been ten times harder. That is all I meant.”

Xierra turned her dark-eyed gaze away then, preparing to plow on. “As for questions… nothing so duracrete really comes to my mind. It’s just mostly… an overarching anxiety on whether I’ll be able to reach my padawan. And it’s not just wanting to avoid the same pain I had with my previous student. Not wanting to fail. It’s just, this boy is… is different, damaged in a way. He was quite old already when he was brought to the temple on Rhen Var, almost too old to be accepted , and I’m afraid his past has defined him more than his life as a Jedi or his attachment to the Force.” She sighed. “It’s all that and more. More things than I can really put words to.”

[Lemur, The Kool-Aid Guy]

Teer's face was enigmatic as she listed to the veritable monologue that poured forth. Her lips were pressed together and her black eyes revealed nothing at all. Her arms were folded, and her weight balanced evenly between her legs.

While "you apologize, I penalize" might have been a catchy phrase, in actuality it was far from the wisest policy. However, the Togruta Jedi didn't exactly have anything to say, good or ill. And it was highly inadvisable to say anything negative. She opted finally for a soft grunt and a bobble of the head that could have meant anything.

Luckily for her, the topic of the conversation turned onto the Knight's current Padawan instead of the perceived slight to Teer. That was something she could listen to and understand. Her own Padawans had come at more average ages into the ranks of the Jedi. However, there was her own experience to consider. As hard as it was for some to imagine, she'd been a child once, and that child hadn't exactly come to the Order at an early age.

Teer Ka unfolded her arms and tilted her head slightly as she searched for the words she wanted.

"When I was a child," She began in her customary whiskey-and-cigarettes voice, "I came to the Order at a late four. And on Shili that meant something. I could already speak easily. I knew a surprising amount about gathering herbs and plants, I knew how to kill and eat a thimiar. I spoke no Basic. I had to learn everything, including new customs. While your Padawan may not come from as foreign a culture as I did, he undoubtedly had to adapt and learn. You should value his resiliency, and tell him as much. The young need to hear validations as well as admonishments. And it is your responsibility to be the example he should follow. Be what he needs to be, and show him you are a leader."

Master Ka lapsed into silence again, waiting to hear the response to her words.

[Mara]

(((Again… sorry for my lateness in getting to this…)))


Waiting in the ensuing silence, she thought about Larkin as she supposed Master Ka was thinking of the right words to say. The Falleen’s gaze was still turned away, her almost black eyes looking towards a stack of crates but not really seeing them. Xierra saw her padawan, the young boy of almost 13 who was now her responsibility. Her responsibility to train and guide through the ways of the Force and the Jedi. A boy who leaned towards the practical and duracrete, not the fantastical and the invisible. Just in their limited time together, she felt she had a steep road ahead of her, more so than she would most likely have had with any other choice of padawan. But she had felt potential in the boy and was never one to shirk away from a challenge. Even if the challenge made her anxious and proved to be nigh impossible.

Master Ka’s words came into her reverie then, and she was forced to let her musings lie for the moment. Continuing to keep them inside without ever voicing them wouldn’t help her anyway. And that was why, in a way, she was here, speaking to the Togruta master and listening to her wiser and more experienced words. Xierra looked back towards the other Jedi as she spoke of her own childhood and related it to that of her padawan Larkin. She was a bit surprised at how similar the pasts of the boy and the Jedi master were, at least from the little she had gleaned from her padawan’s past before coming to the temple at Rhen Var. Perhaps it really was the mysterious stirrings of the Force that had brought Master Ka to her in this moment. It could have been any Jedi, but it had been this one.

Xierra nodded. She hadn’t ever meant to tell Larkin that his past no longer matter. In fact, she had told him once that he could learn from it and use it in his new life. But maybe she needed to emphasize that teaching a bit more. “Yes, I wouldn’t ever want his past to stop being an influence on him or to try to beat it out of him. I believe everything we learn is important to our growth, whether with the Jedi or without. Every experience can teach us something. Actually, one of my thoughts for his later training was to use techniques he had already mastered and transfer them to lessons in the Force. Seeing other uses for them might be helpful.”

She paused then, unsure of how to continue, how her words would sound, but pressed on anyway. “But I’m not sure that his situation is quite so black-and-white. There are more complications, at least to my eyes. From what I was able to learn from some of the survivors of Rhen Var back on Taris, the Jedi had taken in my padawan when he was almost six. And the gesture seemed more of a mission of mercy than anything else; the rest of his family had been killed, and he was alone. In my own digging and also conversations with the boy, it seemed that he had always felt an outsider while at the temple. Other younglings picked on him for his looks and dress, his culture and mannerisms. For his lack of skill in some of the training sessions.

“I’m not sure if it’s any or all of those reasons, but… But I find it hard to reach him sometimes, to get close to him. Part of it might be his upbringing, but I also fear that maybe he’s not strong enough in the Force. A simple session of meditation is hard for him. When he concentrates, he cannot feel the living Force around him. All he sees are the practical uses of plants and animals, not their connection to the Force and to him. He gets overwhelmed with the sheer size of the population here on Coruscant, and that’s part of the reason I’m taking us to Caamas. I’m hoping that being surrounded by more passive life without all the city bustle will help him tap into something he hasn’t been able to feel yet.” She shrugged and looked away. “But sometimes I feel like he has to be retrained, and I have to start back at the beginning with him. If that makes any sense.”

[Lemur, The Kool-Aid Guy]

“Then you’ll start back at the beginning,” Teer said flatly in response. It wasn’t unusual for her to be brusque. In fact, if she wasn’t it was a cause for concern. And in this case, she had a valid point.

“It is your responsibility as his master to teach him what he must learn. If he hasn’t learned well enough, then give him a refresher. Start over and cover the same ground again. There is no time limit on being a Padawan, and it is better to come late to Knighthood than unprepared to the Trials.”

Teer’s voice was easily confident enough for two people, and it matched the look on her face and the very aura of her. She knew precisely what she was talking about, after her own experiences. She had hindsight and a firm retrospective on her side, which had taught her that speed was less important than quality.

“My current Padawan is on track to become a Knight early, but if he were not ready, I would continue his training until I was satisfied he was, even if I had to start over from the very beginning. You still have a long life ahead of you, don’t be afraid to spend some of it on your Padawan. You will only have him once, and you do not get second chances. Use your first wisely.”

[Mara]

(((Apologies for taking so long…
Anyway, I’ve talked to blue, and he’s gonna bring Larkin in here soon. Just so you’re not surprised, and know the thread’s not over. ;p It’ll just be sometime after my post here, so you won’t need to wait for him, necessarily. He’ll just pop in when he can.)))


Xierra blew out a small sigh and nodded, still looking away from Master Ka’s face. If she hadn’t had her own past to draw on, her old master’s teachings, the continuing words from the Togruta master might have frustrated her. Or maybe even offended the young Falleen. But Master Revisc had had a similar style, and back then, it actually had greatly annoyed her to no end. Now, with a few more years on her, and hopefully being a bit wiser and more mature, she could understand the true purpose of what the elder Jedi was telling her. Though the words were so obvious, sometimes one had to be beaten over the head with them before they did any good.

She had known almost from her first meeting with Larkin, even before she had formally taken him on as her student that he would need to be brought back to the beginning. Whether it was a failing of his teachers on Rhen Var, something in his past holding him back, that his natural Force ability was so muted, or any combination of all the above, he just wasn’t as advanced as most younglings his age that Xierra had chanced upon. What Master Ka was telling her was exactly what she had been planning on doing; she had even said as much earlier. Xierra had absolutely no problem spending the next decade or more with the boy, the amount of time she had been with her own master.

But as she was now realizing, taking as much time with her padawan as was needed was never the root of her anxiety. Her real worry was whether he would ever be ready for the next step. That no matter how many years she spent with him, training, teaching him, Larkin would never advance enough to pass his trials and become a knight. That he just hadn’t enough raw talent, or maybe was too stunted from the culture of his birth to fully immerse in the Jedi lifestyle.

And mixed with that was the underlying fear that she would fail the boy. That, due to no fault of his own, he would never be ready. That she wouldn’t know how to reach him, connect with him. Perhaps she would even hold back, afraid of Larkin falling to the same fate as her previous padawan Zorn. It helped that she would have to go back to square one with her new padawan, take him slowly, cultivate him. But there was always that nagging feeling that it would never be enough.

The doubts were creeping back in, making her wonder whether she was actually ready for this. Perhaps it was too soon after the loss of Zorn. Perhaps she had never been ready for a padawan in the first place, for the young Zabrak, or the young human. She hadn’t been a knight for very long herself. How the Falleen thought she could pass down what she had learned already at her young age was a little crazy. But she had felt it was the Force leading her to Larkin. Despite all her misgivings, something had been pushing her in that direction. Something telling her that there was great potential in the boy, if he just had a few nudges in the right areas.

With another sigh, she finally turned to look back at the Togruta master. Xierra still felt quite a bit unsettled, but she didn’t really want to prolong the current vein of conversation any more. Even though she wanted to discuss her worries and her doubts about her padawan, she was pretty sure she already knew what the elder Jedi might say. If her experience with Master Revisc was any indication. Trying to suppress her feelings in the Force, she tilted her head in a slight bow, her black hair swinging across her neck, and then smiled. “Thank you, Master. I suppose I just needed to hear someone say out loud what I’ve been telling myself these last few weeks.”

[Lemur, The Kool-Aid Guy]

Teer nodded.

"You are welcome Knight Zalq."

The Togruta Jedi's tone was, as usual, formal and brimming with careful inflection, her words rolling off her tongue in a lilting and melodious accent, though her voice was rather deep and slightly husky.

Rust-skinned hands adjusted the sleeves of her Jedi robes, and Master Ka continued to speak in the interests of being social, though her own preferences tended more towards keeping company in silence, as was the way of her people.

"Upon occasion we all need validation. When someone else tells us what we already know, we take it more as truth than we would have before, regardless of whether it is truth or opinion. In your case I believe it to be truth."

Teer Lapsed back into silence, standing with her back to a crate. Her words of wisdom, such as they were, were completed. Of course it was quite hard to say how wise those words were. Teer herself was not aware of saying anything particularly wise. Generally she just said what she felt was right and valid.

If she had any reputation for wisdom it would come as a great surprise.

Still, stranger things had happened.

[Mara]

(((Blue: lmr and I decided it was best to just wrap things up here, so you no longer need to pop in… I’ll see you back at the Caamas thread.
lmr: Go ahead and take your leave when you’re ready… I’ll close up after.)))


The young Falleen inclined her head in an agreeing nod. Validation. Despite everything that was trying to hold her back from fully immersing herself in Larkin’s training, at the heart of it all she had the truth on her side. There may still be doubts, misgivings, worries, fears clouding her mind, but those could all be overcome if she just pushed them away and believed in herself and in her padawan. If she trusted the Force ultimately for bringing the boy into her life, trusted all the seen and unseen reasons why their paths had crossed and melded into one. Any uncertainties either of them had were dwarfed by what was really important.

Xierra allowed a smile to push across her green-scaled face. Everything would be all right. It wouldn’t be easy, but she and her padawan would get through it together, no matter how long it took. She would do her best to be true to herself and to the boy. And if it ended up that Larkin did not have the potential that she felt and could not advance to the rank of knight, she would throw herself into that situation as thoroughly as she had his training. They were both on this journey, and they would heal each other on the way, him of her conflicted thoughts and emotions, she of his limited connection to the Force.

She was thinking of something to respond with—a mere thanks didn’t seem enough—when she felt a familiar tingle at the back of her head. Forgetting she was standing with a Jedi Master for the moment, she tilted her head towards the hangar entrance, closing her eyes, to focus in on the Force and the sensation. Xierra lost the touch briefly, but then found it again and held on lightly, so as not to alarm. Larkin. Her padawan was making his way down to the ship for their training mission to Caamas. Their relationship was still yet new, so she couldn’t be certain how far away he was. More than likely he was closer than she was aware. Perhaps a level or two up or an equitable distance on the same floor as the hangar was located.

Turning back to Master Ka, she explained herself, a twitch at the corner of her mouth. “It seems my padawan is finally on his way here.” Xierra inclined her head in a short bow, then looked back at the Jedi master. “Thank you very much for this conversation, Master. It helped to be able to talk through this out loud. Your words were very reassuring. My troubles haven’t been completely assuaged, but now I know what I must do, Force willing.” The young Falleen took her leave of the older Togruta with another nod, but then stopped again after she had gone a few meters, needing to say one last thing. “Please, Master, if you are ever in need of my service, just ask. I will assist in any way I am able.” She smiled and finished her trek to her borrowed transport and her preparations.