Post by Jenno on Mar 18, 2012 12:21:34 GMT -5
So, as part a portfolio a couple of months ago I had to write three different pieces, each with a different structure. I have this habit of trying things out and submitting them for work despite the risk. Anyway, after one of my lecturers talked about how crucial speech is in our writing, I figured I'd try something I hadn't done before, I wrote a piece entirely in speech and nothing else.
It really helped me to see how difficult it is to tell a story through speech alone, but at the same time, how emotions, actions and intent can be signified with just speech. I think I did a fairly decent job of it, so here it is (I apologise for the layout/structure, it doesn't seem to want to allow it to look the way it actually should).
___________________________________________
“I feel like we’re in a film or something.”
“Dark alleyways don’t usually turn up in the good scenes though.”
“Thanks David, because I wasn’t nervous enough already.”
“Sorry, just trying to make conversation. I don’t exactly do this often.”
“I hope we can just be done with this as soon as possible and get on with our lives.”
“Yea, only in a more well-off fashion.”
“Did you bring it all with you?”
“Mhmm, it’s in the case, don’t worry Sarah.”
“And you’re sure we can trust this guy?”
“About as sure as I can be.”
“That just fills me with confidence.”
“Well if you want we can return it and go back to a life of paperwork and mediocrity?”
“Well when you put it like that- is that him?”
“I don’t think anyone else would drive a car that nice around a neighbourhood like this.”
“Did you bring the gun in case-“
“Shhh!”
“Ahhh David, how wonderful to see you again. Who is this stunning acquaintance of yours? I didn’t think you would ever do so well for yourself. A pleasure to meet you my lady, Markus Parette at your service.”
“Still a charmer, eh Markus?”
“I must admit I do have a terrible weakness for beautiful women, but to find you in the company of such a woman, I do believe you must be a master wordsmith.”
“It certainly wasn’t his looks that won me over."
“Sarah!”
“Sorry.”
“Hah, my dear, quite spirited aren’t you?”
“I have my moments.”
“Can we get down to business?”
“Of course, of course, simply striking up a conversation, David. Do you have it?”
“Yes, but do you have the money?”
“Oh please, this is not my first transaction David, though I never expected to make a deal like this with you, finally realised how terribly dreary life is when you have a job to attend?”
“Something like that.”
“Well you’re new to this so I’ll explain the proceedings. First you show me the item being purchased and then I present you with the payment. Afterwards we can make the exchange, with bared teeth, harsh stares and mounds of testosterone if you so wish. Then we can all walk away and lead our merry lives.”
“Just do what he says.”
“Alright, alright. You happy now?”
“Oh yes, ecstatic you might say. To think you could get your hands on such items, I certainly don’t blame you for using this opportunity to further your own finances.”
“Your turn.”
“Of course, of course. Here you go. Now, I know what you’re thinking, it’s terribly cliché, but I’m just a stickler for presentation and nothing impresses more than a suitcase full of money. You just don’t get the same effect with a duffle bag, it lacks a certain... sophistication that I believe is simply necessary for an exchange such as this.”
“So what now?”
“Now we both put the cases down on the floor, like so, nicely done David. Next you two put your hands where I can see them.”
“What?”
“Put your hands up, now. Any heroics and I’ll shoot.”
“Wha- what are you doing Markus?”
“I’m sorry David, I really am. I’m not generally fond of guns, but truthfully I’m hoping to use them as more of a deterrent.”
“I thought you said we could trust him?”
“Sorry my dear but there is no trust in this business. You never give away money if you don’t have to, and this is a lot of money to give away.”
“You bastard I’ll-”
“Ah ah ah David, you’ll do what I’ll tell you and nothing else, otherwise I’ll blow off the face of your lady friend, and that would be a shame. You’re not made for this kind of thing; under that burly exterior of yours you’re just too nice. Now, if you’d both be so kind as to take a few steps back, I’ll be taking the money and the items. Good, good, that’ll do, no moving now or I’ll put a bullet in you, and I don’t like to joke about such things.”
“You know Markus-”
“Leave it David.”
“-I never thought you’d stoop so low. I saw you make enemies of other people, but never me. Why are you doing this?”
“Well we all have a price David, there’s always something that will push a person to do something they never thought they would.”
“Do you know what this will do to us!?”
“Most likely it will fail to relieve your financial pressure and generally just leave you in something of a pickle.”
“I won’t let you take this from us!”
“No, David wait! NO! DAVID! David, no, oh my God, David, please, oh God no-”
“I warned you. I’m sorry, but this is not a world for honour and bravado. Farewell my friend.”
“-David! David talk to me, c’mon you big softie, just talk to me David, c’mon-"
“Sarah.”
“David! Oh thank God.”
“Sarah, I’m sorry, I know you didn’t want to go through with-”
“Oh shut up you idiot, I did it because I wanted to, we both wanted to.”
“I’m sorry for getting angry, probably shouldn’t have done that.”
“Stop apologising David, you’re going to be fine, okay? I’ll call an ambulance and they’ll get here, patch you up and everything will be fine. We’ll walk away from this and just go back to the way things were before, okay? David? David!?”
“I’m sorry.”
“David! NO! No, David, you can’t, no, don’t, stupid, why did you do that? No. David. Why? No.”
* * *
“Miss, I’m Officer Park, I heard a gunshot are you- oh crap. What happened here?”
“He shot my David.”
“I’ll call for an ambulance, please step away from the body.”
“It’s too late.”
“Please step away from the body; it will help to preserve the crime scene. Did you see who shot your boyfriend?”
“David. His name is David.”
“Did you see who shot David?”
“Markus.”
“Markus?”
“Markus Parette.”
“Markus Parette? Miss, are you sure it was Markus Parette?”
“You know him?”
“Well yes, his gang operates in this area.”
“Where!?”
“Whoa, please, put the weapon-”
“Where is he!?”
“Just put the gun down and-”
“Tell me where he is or I swear to God I will shoot you!”
“If you just wait for my backup to arrive we’ll go and apprehend Mr Parette. Now please-”
“Tell me where he is. Now.”
“Okay, okay, he works out of a warehouse on Dock 9. But please, think about what it is you’re doing here, we can take him into custody and-.”
“I don’t care about seeing him arrested! He killed David! He took everything away from me! I don’t want to see him behind bars; I want to see him dead!”
“What you’re talking about is murder!”
“This isn’t murder, this is revenge. Now stay down.”
“Ugh. W-wait, come back!”
“I’m sorry David.”
It really helped me to see how difficult it is to tell a story through speech alone, but at the same time, how emotions, actions and intent can be signified with just speech. I think I did a fairly decent job of it, so here it is (I apologise for the layout/structure, it doesn't seem to want to allow it to look the way it actually should).
___________________________________________
“I feel like we’re in a film or something.”
“Dark alleyways don’t usually turn up in the good scenes though.”
“Thanks David, because I wasn’t nervous enough already.”
“Sorry, just trying to make conversation. I don’t exactly do this often.”
“I hope we can just be done with this as soon as possible and get on with our lives.”
“Yea, only in a more well-off fashion.”
“Did you bring it all with you?”
“Mhmm, it’s in the case, don’t worry Sarah.”
“And you’re sure we can trust this guy?”
“About as sure as I can be.”
“That just fills me with confidence.”
“Well if you want we can return it and go back to a life of paperwork and mediocrity?”
“Well when you put it like that- is that him?”
“I don’t think anyone else would drive a car that nice around a neighbourhood like this.”
“Did you bring the gun in case-“
“Shhh!”
“Ahhh David, how wonderful to see you again. Who is this stunning acquaintance of yours? I didn’t think you would ever do so well for yourself. A pleasure to meet you my lady, Markus Parette at your service.”
“Still a charmer, eh Markus?”
“I must admit I do have a terrible weakness for beautiful women, but to find you in the company of such a woman, I do believe you must be a master wordsmith.”
“It certainly wasn’t his looks that won me over."
“Sarah!”
“Sorry.”
“Hah, my dear, quite spirited aren’t you?”
“I have my moments.”
“Can we get down to business?”
“Of course, of course, simply striking up a conversation, David. Do you have it?”
“Yes, but do you have the money?”
“Oh please, this is not my first transaction David, though I never expected to make a deal like this with you, finally realised how terribly dreary life is when you have a job to attend?”
“Something like that.”
“Well you’re new to this so I’ll explain the proceedings. First you show me the item being purchased and then I present you with the payment. Afterwards we can make the exchange, with bared teeth, harsh stares and mounds of testosterone if you so wish. Then we can all walk away and lead our merry lives.”
“Just do what he says.”
“Alright, alright. You happy now?”
“Oh yes, ecstatic you might say. To think you could get your hands on such items, I certainly don’t blame you for using this opportunity to further your own finances.”
“Your turn.”
“Of course, of course. Here you go. Now, I know what you’re thinking, it’s terribly cliché, but I’m just a stickler for presentation and nothing impresses more than a suitcase full of money. You just don’t get the same effect with a duffle bag, it lacks a certain... sophistication that I believe is simply necessary for an exchange such as this.”
“So what now?”
“Now we both put the cases down on the floor, like so, nicely done David. Next you two put your hands where I can see them.”
“What?”
“Put your hands up, now. Any heroics and I’ll shoot.”
“Wha- what are you doing Markus?”
“I’m sorry David, I really am. I’m not generally fond of guns, but truthfully I’m hoping to use them as more of a deterrent.”
“I thought you said we could trust him?”
“Sorry my dear but there is no trust in this business. You never give away money if you don’t have to, and this is a lot of money to give away.”
“You bastard I’ll-”
“Ah ah ah David, you’ll do what I’ll tell you and nothing else, otherwise I’ll blow off the face of your lady friend, and that would be a shame. You’re not made for this kind of thing; under that burly exterior of yours you’re just too nice. Now, if you’d both be so kind as to take a few steps back, I’ll be taking the money and the items. Good, good, that’ll do, no moving now or I’ll put a bullet in you, and I don’t like to joke about such things.”
“You know Markus-”
“Leave it David.”
“-I never thought you’d stoop so low. I saw you make enemies of other people, but never me. Why are you doing this?”
“Well we all have a price David, there’s always something that will push a person to do something they never thought they would.”
“Do you know what this will do to us!?”
“Most likely it will fail to relieve your financial pressure and generally just leave you in something of a pickle.”
“I won’t let you take this from us!”
“No, David wait! NO! DAVID! David, no, oh my God, David, please, oh God no-”
“I warned you. I’m sorry, but this is not a world for honour and bravado. Farewell my friend.”
“-David! David talk to me, c’mon you big softie, just talk to me David, c’mon-"
“Sarah.”
“David! Oh thank God.”
“Sarah, I’m sorry, I know you didn’t want to go through with-”
“Oh shut up you idiot, I did it because I wanted to, we both wanted to.”
“I’m sorry for getting angry, probably shouldn’t have done that.”
“Stop apologising David, you’re going to be fine, okay? I’ll call an ambulance and they’ll get here, patch you up and everything will be fine. We’ll walk away from this and just go back to the way things were before, okay? David? David!?”
“I’m sorry.”
“David! NO! No, David, you can’t, no, don’t, stupid, why did you do that? No. David. Why? No.”
* * *
“Miss, I’m Officer Park, I heard a gunshot are you- oh crap. What happened here?”
“He shot my David.”
“I’ll call for an ambulance, please step away from the body.”
“It’s too late.”
“Please step away from the body; it will help to preserve the crime scene. Did you see who shot your boyfriend?”
“David. His name is David.”
“Did you see who shot David?”
“Markus.”
“Markus?”
“Markus Parette.”
“Markus Parette? Miss, are you sure it was Markus Parette?”
“You know him?”
“Well yes, his gang operates in this area.”
“Where!?”
“Whoa, please, put the weapon-”
“Where is he!?”
“Just put the gun down and-”
“Tell me where he is or I swear to God I will shoot you!”
“If you just wait for my backup to arrive we’ll go and apprehend Mr Parette. Now please-”
“Tell me where he is. Now.”
“Okay, okay, he works out of a warehouse on Dock 9. But please, think about what it is you’re doing here, we can take him into custody and-.”
“I don’t care about seeing him arrested! He killed David! He took everything away from me! I don’t want to see him behind bars; I want to see him dead!”
“What you’re talking about is murder!”
“This isn’t murder, this is revenge. Now stay down.”
“Ugh. W-wait, come back!”
“I’m sorry David.”