Hexx Tere

[Hexx Tere]

Name: Hexx Tere.
Race: Human Age:13. Height: 5.1 ft.
Weight: 110lbs.
Gender: Male.

Appearance: His eyes are brown. He has neat clothes that were handmedowns made out of dewback scales that his father found while on a voyage, Hexx calls it a tunic. His mouth and nose is small, and he has one small scar on his face. He is skinny and slim. He also wheres glasses when he reads.

Personality: Smart, but shy, Careful, and persise.
Birth place: Tatooine
Faction: Jedi.
Rank: Padawan.
lightsaber: One bladed.
Color: Blue.
Practiced Lightsaber Forms: Shii-cho
Telekinetic: 1-10.
Telepathic: 1-10.
Body: 5-10.
Sense: 5-10.
Protection: 3-10.
Healing:4-10.
Destruction:1-10.
Specialized Skill/s: N/A
Attributes: 3-10
Physical Strength: 2-10.
Intelligence: 8-10.
Speed: 3-10.
Leadership: 6-10.
Unarmed: 2-10.
Melee weapons: 7-10.
Ranged weapons: 4-10.

Bio: When Hexx was an infant he was way too smart for his own good. He learned how to open doors, locks and learned to read when he was about 3. One day Hexx's dad was supposed to spend the day with his son, when his freind died and had to attend his funeral, so he told his wife that he H-A-D T-O G-O, Hexx reacted NO DADDY DON'T GO! Hexx's mom and dad thought about how suprisingly smart Hexx was, and then thought how it could be used for a good use. (Hint hint jedi) When Hexx was a youngling he caught on quick. This attracted attention. Hexx became slightly popular and made a few friends. Even though Hexx caught on quick it became harder and harder for him. He was a slow learner but, he didn't slack off he tried very hard and eventually, and gradually learned faster. Everyday Hexx practiced and studied. Then he eventually learned the shii-cho lightsaber form. By this time Hexx turned 13 and graduated into a padawan.

RP Sample: *The room went quiet* "So... so I have to leave my family?" Hexx said frightened.

"Indeed, you are my padawan, I am your mentor, and now we must leave," said Hexx's mentor.

"Well don't just stand there, Grab your stuff, say your goodbyes, and lets go!" commanded Hexx's mentor.

Hexx grabbed his portable databank, clothes, and lightsaber. Then he gave his family a hug and went his way.

"Well, where are we going? asked Hexx calmly.

Hexx's mentor just laughed.

"Why do you care so much young padawan?" asked Hexx's mentor.
"Just curious," answered Hexx.

"By the by mentor, what is your name?" asked Hexx.

[sparrow]

A few things:

1) The template. Just copy and paste it. And no need to delete the line breaks. They're your friends and make things easier to read.

2) You should take a look at the Approved Characters section and read a few bios of characters that are of a similar age and level as your character. This will give you a better idea of what tends to be acceptable.

[Hexx Tere]

1:I tried to copy and paste but it wouldn't let me highlight the template. 2: thank you that is very helpful

[eragon]

I know that I just joined the site but I would really like to help you out here. First your bio needs to be spaced and not look like one paragraph. That will help to seperate your bio into sections and make it easier to read. An example is...

Name: Mr. Bigglesworth
Age: 65
Race: Catman

Second, Your appearance should be more then 4 words. Your appearance encompasses your whole look, from your face to your body and clothes that they wear. You should probably spend one paragraph on your face so people get a good feel for his look. A paragraph on his body. Muscular, Skinny, Scars? and a paragraph on his clothes. What does he normally wear and what does it look like?

Third, Padawans are chosen by masters so if your character is 13 and hasn't been chosen by a Master then he is still a youngling.

Fourth, Lightsabers for someone who is just starting out as a padawan normally only have lightsabers with either a green or blue color blade. Special colors would have to be explained why and how you came across that crystal. Normally something like that would be included in your bio. I noticed that alot of people who have a padawan normally make them a little older and explain in their bio that their Master died on a mission and that they are looking for another.

Fifth, your lightsaber form will first have to be Shii-Cho. This is the form that all others are based off of. Then you can branch off into the other forms. I also remember LMR saying that as a general rule every point placed into a form after Shii-Cho stands for 2 years of practice in that form.

Sixth, your points for the various forms of force use, Telekinetic and so forth are to be only one point. I also remember LMR saying that for a Knight level they wouldn't be above 6 with 10 being complete understanding of that force aspect and 1 being barely any understanding. So you may want to bring those to a more believable number like a 4 or 5 at the most. Also not all Jedi excell at everything. Some focus more on telekinetic then they so Sense of Protection.

Seventh, Your specialized skills have Force Mualstorm. Most Padawans dont have a specialized force power. They are still learning the basics. Only on rare occasions was a young Jedi able to understand more specialized aspects of the force.

Eight, Attributes need the same work as the above mentioned aspects of the force. 10 is godlike and 1 is very weak. Remember that when assigning points the more you put towards strength the more speed you sacrifice. Also with strength the most a human will get is 6 where a 7 is like a wookie strength.

Nine, Your bio... Normally I recommend on spending 2 paragraphs on your infant years. What your parents were like and the place you were born into. Was your family rich or were they poor? After that you need to remember that when a child was born they were normally screened for force sensitivity and the parents were approached to see if they wanted the child to be raised in the Jedi. The latest age a child could be excepted into the Academy was 6 years of age. That will play a cruicial role if your character grew up in the Jedi order or was introduced to it after he already had memories of back home. It would definitely be an experience for a child.
After that you should probably spend 2 to 3 paragraphs as a youngling in the academy. These were influencial years of their trip to being a Jedi. Was he liked? Did he stand out? How was his relation with the fellow students in his clan and with his teachers? Get descriptive on this to help you to truly understand your character.
I noticed that with your bio your character was at home when his Master approached him. Like I said above most children where taken to stay at the academy and had little to no contact with their family after they were in the Academy. So your youngling would have had to complete the Padawan Trials before he could be picked by a Master.

Lastly, Please dont use smiley faces in your bio or future post. lol Put something down like, Hexx looked solemly at the news that he would have to leave his home. lol

I hope this helps and if you need anything else you can ask me.

[Hexx Tere]

Thanks eragon ill try to make my bio better

[Hexx Tere]

and my sample

[berserker]

You need to organize this better, mods don't like apps that are.... deviant from the accepted templates. I think you need to use BBcodes here, like the ones from the templates here: Click

If you're having difficulty from copy-pasting it for some reason, the stuff here helps: Click

[Adobi-Wan Kenobi]

I think i could help her by saying that you need to add some more.
(Why he was so smart might help,
Also Did the parents send him to the Jedi or did The Jedi come for him?
How did the parents know he was force sensitive?)

Another thing concerning the bio i think would be about his master just add his name and race alittle of him training your character might speeg things along.

Also theas stats are very high my Padawan is older and He dose not have that high of stats i think you should drop a few of them. Also you should drop the Melee down to maybe a 1 (It has nothing to do with saber stats. )

Note I'm not a Mod nor a member of the Next Gen Team so every thing i said can be tossed away if you like to but I'm just trying to help you out here. ;D


Signed Zett Rem5

[Lemur, The Kool-Aid Guy]

Moved to incomplete