Fulgur Tenebrae

[darthoblivion]

Name:Fulgur Tenebrae (Fool-gur Ten-e-brA)
Race: Human
Age:[/19]
Height:[/6' 5"]
Weight:[/145 lbs]
Appearance:[/Black, wavy, hair, red eyes, thin eybrows, muscular, partially sunken cheeks, and male.]
Personality:[/Brooding, firey, passionate, cruel, loyal (except when betrayed) and sometimes honorable.]
Birth place:[/Dromund Kaas]

Faction:[/Sith]
Rank:[/Initiate]

Previous Faction:[/none]
Previous Rank:[/Acolyte]

Lightsaber:[/Single, curved black hilt laced with gold, and silver interruptions. A red activation plate defined by black, a lone protection plate expands to a 4th of the blade, and a waterproof seal ]
Color:[/Red]

Practiced Lightsaber forms:[/Shii Cho 4]

Force-Sensitive Abilities or practices:

Telekinetic:[/5] 1 - 10
Telepathic:[/3] 1 - 10
Body:[/4] 1 - 10
Sense:[/3] 1 – 10
Protection:[/3] 1 - 10
Healing:[/1] 1 – 10
Destruction:[/4] 1 – 10

Specialized Skills:

Attributes:

Physical Strength:[/5]
Intelligence: [/6]
Speed: [/3]
Leadership: [/4]
Unarmed: [/3]
Melee Weapons:[/6]
Ranged Weapons:[/1]

Bio:[/I was born on Dromund Kaas, I never knew my parents, nor did I care about them. Raised by the Sith, I am feared among the commoners for my weak but sturdy display of the Dark Side of the Force. I have no master, and I have no memorable past but I shall shape my future. My knowledge is small but my thirst is great. My goals are uncertain, except for one thing... God-like power.]

RP Sample:[/Scene Number: one
Characters used: Fulgur Tenebrae
Location MarketPlace, Dromund Kaas:
Date: June 4th 2012]

[Dr. Jake]

I'm no mod, but I think that I can help you out just a bit.

I would, first and foremost, read three different apps in the Accepted Sith/ DJ section. That will help alot. Reading the section notes is also immensely helpful.

I can also tell you that the Bio should be 3rd person and MUCH longer. The same thing goes for appearance and personality.

Stats look fine, but you'll have to explain them in the Bio.

Also, 145 is REALLY small for a dude that is 77 inches tall. Just saying. A

[Cain]

First, let me say welcome to SWU.

Now, on to business. To start I'm going to ask that you fix the format of this profile. When you copy and paste the code, leave the brackets and everything inside them in tact. That'd be these.> [b] [/b]

Next, I'm going to recommend you have a look at some the profiles which have already been accepted so that you can get an idea of what it is we're looking for here. Here's the link: swrponline2.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=daraccept

Jun 4, 2012 21:51:29 GMT -5 darthoblivion said:

Height:[/6' 5"]
Weight:[/145 lbs]

6'5" 145lbs is really skinny. Seeing as how you describe him as muscular you're going to want to add more weight.

Jun 4, 2012 21:51:29 GMT -5 darthoblivion said:

Previous Faction:[/none]
Previous Rank:[/Acolyte]

Your faction would be Dark Jedi in this case.

Jun 4, 2012 21:51:29 GMT -5 darthoblivion said:

Bio:

[/I was born on Dromund Kaas, I never knew my parents, nor did I care about them. Raised by the Sith, I am feared among the commoners for my weak but sturdy display of the Dark Side of the Force. I have no master, and I have no memorable past but I shall shape my future. My knowledge is small but my thirst is great. My goals are uncertain, except for one thing... God-like power.][/quote]
Three things to add here; one, write your bio in third person, not first. Two, there are no unknowns in your profile. Your character may not know these things, but you should, so don't leave anything out. And three, the Sith Order has only been around for one year, so you probably would not have been raised by them.

[Cain]

Still working on this?

[Cain]

Moving to Incomplete.