Talratheon's Space

[Raytheon]

Hello everyone, fairly new to SWU but making a lot of friends and acquaintances. To tell a little about me I served in the U.S. Army after graduating high school on a 6 year bid joined under the 18x enlistment program and later qualified and trained for the 18D Medical Sergeant MOS while I spent almost a year and half training I spent the rest either deployed in various locations around the world or in Fort Bragg training after 4 and half more years of this position I had the option to re-up but didn't as the work was beginning to effect my off life and it didn't work out.

Afterwards I took what money I had saved up and invested it into a property with all my money spent I lived off deer meat, ramen noodles and home grown carrots for nearly 4 months until I got a job working for the Dept of the Interior where I work now, it's tedious and the hours are long enough to keep a beaver busy.

My rant basically is the VA (Veterans Affairs) because of my occupation in the military im certified as 100% disabled under their policy yet since I left 2 years ago my certification and paper work hasn't been processed. While the money isn't a big deal seeing a VA trauma counselor is but without the paperwork pushed through I can't be seen. I rarely sleep maybe 2-3 hours a night 5 if im lucky I constantly dream of getting shot, having my own throat slit or getting peppered with shrapnel from an IED and watching my self bleed to death only to wake up in a cold sweat.

I've woken up sometimes to find my self choking my girl friend in my sleep then crying my self back to sleep it's happened twice and I really do't want it to happen again. and sometimes I can hear people walking behind me, or machine gun fire in the distance or see people in the forest watching me and it'll turn out to be hallucinations.

I've attempted to see civilian psychologists about it but they only want me to talk about what I did and prescribe enough medication to put a rhino to sleep but the problem lies in the fact I can't talk to any medical practitioner who does hold a military or federal TS clearance. I get really mad about it sometimes basically because I served my country in it's armed forces for 6 years and now serve it's federal branch and still don't have anyone to tell my problems or get any real help.

It's not like it occurs every now and then, if I take a nap I have a nightmare, doze off I have a nightmare and sometimes I'm afraid to sleep. Even afraid to sleep next to my gf out of fear I'll hurt her. While I don't know if anyone is really going to care or not I thought it would help it write it out in words after reading some of the blogs here.

[Raytheon]

This is a bit of a touchy subject, but I though I would share how seeing it's effects shaped my view on how I see it. It's don't to a lot of people and while it happens in no form can I condone it or support it. Except in the case where it's done with full permission of the partner/spouse/significant other.

It's infidelity, while many people speak of horror stories of war about what they had to do to survive and to live this is one I witnesses that really disturbed me to even this moment for the sake of honoring his name and confidentiality I'm going to call him Mr. Green, my self Talratheon and our location Nevada.

So it was back around 2008 I was on my 4th deployment and we had just secured the base camp and established a secure perimeter as well as communications, we cannibalized the nearby cargo containers and abandoned residential apartment building in the outskirts of Nevada for housing, armory, and overwatch and nest locations. It was intended to be set up as a log base to help coordinate patrols with the FOB's to keep the inner areas of Nevada secure in order to prevent penetration to the MOB, or main operating base.

Anyhow moving on there was the MP Staff Sergeant, we called him Sgt. Green. He was in charge of base camp security and defense I remember walking with him at the time going over fire support overlays and barrier plans. We decided with a triangular defensive perimeter using the abandoned residential building as the rear line with comm and log units in the central area within the cargo containers to offer security from indirect fire. It was early morning about, 97 degree we were going through water like a fat man goes through cake. But finished establishing the perimeter before noon I was basically his walk along for base camp support.

We were working with normal compliment with two infantry platoons as well as an engineering unit and a unit from the signal corps. My squad was attached as on sight response, my commanding officer was playing shoot the sh*t with the base camp Capt. (Honestly I don't know wtf they were doing) But so then as I'm walking along with he gets a incoming Vid Conf call from his wife he was expecting it, so he goes to answer and I stand outside the door while he shares with his wife and they check on each other. When I hear her admit that she'd been having an affair with an officer in supply on the base they lived on stateside since he left. She told him that she was sorry but with him deployed she was feeling lonely and needed someone and he wasn't there and to add insult to injury she was going to seek legal separation because she didn't feel there was anything between them anymore.

Now I can't explain it but it's something you see or you feel to understand it but as the skype call ended and he walked out I could look in his eyes and just tell that the man was was talking to earlier that day, wasn't there anymore he was instantly different. He had no expression, no tears, but his eyes said a novel of words it was pain incarnate and I asked him if he was alright. I remember what he told me even to this day and when I'm done telling you this story you'll know why I remember it. "She should have just shot me, I'm good Sgt five by five." He said it with a strong monotone of indifference.
I thought I should have had him pulled, but considered him fine to finish off the shift.No longer than five minutes after I considered that we got hit with RPG on the forward tip of the perimeter overwatch called in that insurgent militia forces were pouring toward our position from the right and left flank simultaneously numbering in about 30-40 strong on each flank.

Because we were newly established engineering hadn't yet flattened the surrounding perimeter so the militia were taking advantage of urban cover like housing, hills and low lying ditches to thwart the perimeter defense. I pulled a rifle squad and Sgt Green with me to cover the east flank, the insurgents had the usual AK47, RPGs and bolt action rifles and were hitting us hard I called comm to call for air support and provide cover and a aerial net perimeter. I remember looking up taking a few pot shots along with the rifle squad and looking to to see Sgt Green's flak vest and rifle on the ground in the cover ditch. I looked out forward to see him walking straight toward the enemy position, I tried to run out and attempt to grab him and put him down to the ground whatever but the rifle squad was grabbing me. Sgt. Green died as a result of multiple gunshot wounds, namely one hit him in the left eye and was through and through, I remember specifically because I was the first to find him and call it in as a confirmed KIA.

I can remember him standing next to me as if it happened just yesterday , "She should have just shot me, I'm good Sgt. five by five." Even today the choice not to pull him is one of my top ten regrets in the military.
She ended up getting the insurance, military benefits but I reported the officer and last I heard he was dishonorably discharged for actions unbecoming of an officer. But since that moment that moment I saw what betrayal like that could do to someone I find it completely inexcusable there is no good reason save for the VERY few so someone to cheat on someone they "supposedly" love. Especially deployed soldiers and I read another story where the one in the affair had the audacity to but in between a husband and wife I honestly would have broken his neck, back, or arms for doing that and not for doing it to me but to someone I know.

It provided me with the notion that if you want to sleep with someone else and violate the trust of a relationship, break up or separate first. Spare them the worst they could be faced with that is worse than death in most cases, Betrayal.

[Raytheon]

Hello readers,


The topic for today is quite simply, the protest on the war. sometimes to connect or maybe find answers I'll pray and other times I go to the local USO and sit in silence and think about my life and what direction it's headed in. So yesterday I did just that, because I rarely sleep I find I have a lot of extra time on my hands I'm thinking maybe I should consider taking a form of meditation maybe find that peace monks are always talking about.

Regardless, moving on to the topic at hand. I was at the USO and a group of war protesters are standing outside greatly opposed to the war that we are in. They are angry, tired or maybe have an ill conceived notion of politics to the point one of them spit on for having been a soldier. Do they not know how that feels to have seen brothers and sisters in arms whom the day before laughed with you while drinking whiskey and eating sh*tty MRE's on Independence Day. To watch them reduced to a mist of red as one of them attempted to disarm an IED or missing half of their f*cking face from sniper round.

Then to come back the country you love, bled, sweat and nearly died for to be spit on by a civilian.. a U.S. citizen because he dislikes the war. It's like a betrayal to fight for someone, for an ideal then to be in a way dishonored because you did it. I don't regret doing what I did for my country, I enjoyed every moment in the army and as much as I complain about the outcome of it in my personal life I would trade what I did for anything in the world. Something people fail to realize when looking at war or when they see loved ones go off to war can be summed up in a Fallout quote. "War, War never changes."

People die, people always die in war it's why it's called war and the people who go to war thinking they are the exception are usually the ones among the dead. Each time I shipped out I was prepared to die, prepared not to come home and prepared for my last thing to see to be sand and blood. I've danced with death intimately enough to know I'm not immortal. For all the training I've gotten im not the exception. Mostly soldiers die to people who had only a 10th of the training they had it's a luck of the draw, opportunity.

And people hate me because of it yet forget the nation was built on war, on rebellion on the blood of brothers, and enemies alike. On the sacrificing notion that we could lose, that we could die.

While I don't look to having being appreciated I look to have at least gained the respect or inkling for what I did, what we as servicemen and women did and continue to do for our country. We don't choose the wars we fight he simply are given the task to fulfill and do it. Yet the policy makers and politicians most of them never had to shower the blood of friends off their bodies and hands. Never had to carry the casket that held friends killed by enemies or drag the bodies of enemies and tag them to record the deaths. Never stood guard over the body of a member of your squad while an autopsy was conducted out of respect, out of honor.

To have never been curled in a fetal position while the whizzing and whistling of bullets shots past you from every direction and to eventually survive it. People who never been there will never know for real what it's like you can describe it, and even paint a picture of it and they still wouldn't know it.

I ask that anyone who reads this to consider that the next time you find yourself angered at a service man for fighting in a war. For being a part of the system that promotes death and killing as a means of service to one's nation.

The best way to close out of this is by honoring my service men I've served with who've died, who've moved on from service now as a civilian and who still serve our nation.

Recognizing that I volunteered as a Ranger, fully knowing the hazards of my chosen profession, I will always endeavor to uphold the prestige, honor, and high esprit de corps of the Rangers. Acknowledging the fact that a Ranger is a more elite soldier who arrives at the cutting edge of battle by land, sea, or air, I accept the fact that as a Ranger my country expects me to move further, faster and fight harder than any other soldier.

Never shall I fail my comrades. I will always keep myself mentally alert, physically strong and morally straight and I will shoulder more than my share of the task whatever it may be, one-hundred-percent and then some. Gallantly will I show the world that I am a specially selected and well-trained soldier. My courtesy to superior officers, neatness of dress and care of equipment shall set the example for others to follow.

Energetically will I meet the enemies of my country. I shall defeat them on the field of battle for I am better trained and will fight with all my might. Surrender is not a Ranger word. I will never leave a fallen comrade to fall into the hands of the enemy and under no circumstances will I ever embarrass my country. Readily will I display the intestinal fortitude required to fight on to the Ranger objective and complete the mission though I be the lone survivor.

Thanks for those who read and understand.