Boundary of Emptiness (Dee)

[Apillis]

Within one of the several rooms where Jedi Artisans seclude themselves to practice their craft within the Jedi Temple, Aeia tinkering with various lightsaber pieces. There were not materials for a hilt, she was more just looking over the various mechanics fine tuning them--doing simple maintenance and nothing more. But what she liked about it was the room itself within the area of the temple that the Jedi Artisans work, was that it was quiet and private.

She had sent a message along to a padawan by the name of Jia Suutrar, Aeia knew her first master, Qi. Though, her knowing him was not of any real significance, merely having encountered him in passing, and that was all there really was to it. But, Aeia knew of the situation, his leaving the Order do to personal issues, or at least that is what it is on record. There was more there than what was shown on the surface. But the girl had a second master who also left the Order for personal reasons, and that reasoning was not entirely unrelated to the first master.

However, third time is the charm, or so they say--Aeia hoped she could fulfill the role that the girl needs. Aeia knew well the hurt that lay within losing a master, someone that is close to the heart. It is never forgettable, and the hurt never truly goes away--it can be dimmed, but being truly wiped away? Aeia had never heard or experience such a thing.

Any which way it is viewed, the girl's situation was a difficult one, but one perhaps Aeia could mend--while having a bit of mending done with herself in turn. Everyone needs some form of fulfillment, and while Aeia would not disagree she certainly has that occupationally. Yet... the loss of her own master, even though it was decades ago--the hole it left in her heart from that bond being torn away from her still affects her. Never out of mind and always there, a wound in the soul--a scar on the heart. Maybe by helping this girl, some measure of closure can finally be reached and the old wound will start to heal.

What can potentially be for either of them is a symbiosis, one needing the other as much the other needs them. And that was partly what Aeia was hoping for, the chance for them to mend each other.

But all things with time, and Aeia while she had her hopes, she did not overly plan ahead. Baby steps. Patience in all things.

[Dee]

Jia moved through the halls of the Temple at her usual pace. Which lately couldn't be described as anything but lethargic. She'd felt no reason to rush anywhere in the last couple of weeks. Motivation, excitement... Neither feeling had graced her presence since her return to the Temple. The worst part was that she was beginning to get used to it.

She wasn't doing well. She had been through a great deal, and all of that guilt and loss still weighed heavily on her heart. A heart which she so often wore on her sleeve. To avoid the stares and the prodding of others, she had taken to a demeanor of false apathy. A forced stoicism that she hoped would keep people from knowing how she truly felt. It didn't fit her. It took very little to see through the mask. She was hurt, she was in pain, and it showed in her eyes.

She'd been summoned to meet alone with Master Aeia Fu, a recently appointed member of the High Council. If ever there was a reason to want to pick up the pace, that was probably it...

Yet the girl didn't feel the urge to rush. She had no idea what this meeting was about. Maybe she was going to be tested in some way. Maybe it was more bad news, and they figured one person breaking it to her would allow her to handle it better. She didn't have the slightest clue. She was curious of course; when wasn't she? But other than that, this stirred no greater feelings in her than any other every day meeting. Not even a touch of nervousness.

Jia arrived at the room she had been directed to, and as the door slid open to reveal the Padawan's presence she stood there silently, awaiting permission to enter. Despite the pessimism and the despondence that followed her everywhere, the girl did still try to be respectful to those above her. For the most part...

From the doorway those blue eyes of her's slowly swept the room, taking in her surroundings. This room, if she remembered right, was a workshop where Jedi Artisans crafted their work. Maybe others used it too, but she wouldn't have known. She never spent a great deal of time in one of these rooms. There, standing across the room and tinkering with some things, was the woman who had called for her. She thought. Wait...

The girl's eyebrows raised slightly as she got a better look. This woman didn't look like your typical Councilor. She looked like she could barely even be older than the girl herself. She wondered for a moment if she'd gone to the wrong room, but... Her senses assured her that she hadn't. Confused and surprised by this as she was, she wasn't about to voice it, and her expression barely even showed it.

The teenager bowed her head respectfully to the woman who stood before her and greeted her in a quiet, distant voice, "Hello, Master Fu."

[Apillis]

With a tiny screwdriver no larger than pen, Aeia tweaked a small wire connected to diminutive circuit board, which it in turn is connected to a tiny power cell. She heard the door to the private room within the Artisan's workshop slide open, and the padawan making her presence known. Aeia still tinkering with the circuit board, stood up from her seat and then thrust the little screwdriver and electronic pieces she was fiddling with into Jia's hands as she stated, "Just call me, Aeia. Also, see if you can do any better with this than I can. That little wire was soldered just a little bit too much. Don't force it too much. Just give it a little pressure until it gives way. We don't want to ruin the circuit board."

Aeia then walked over to a large metal shelf where on its bottom shelf rested a bulky box filled with broken training sabers. She heaved the heavy box onto the nearby work bench. Looking back at Jia she told her, "And once you've done that, we are going to work on these.", Aeia reached into the box removing one training saber from the container. Somehow the poor thing had been cracked wide open from pommel to hilt exposing its inner mechanics. With a slight sigh Aeia remarked, "I often wonder what students do with these things to cause this sort of damage.", but then her brow furrowed as she went on to idly comment, "Well... at least it isn't as bad as what I have heard some of the music students do with their instruments..."

Aeia did not waste much time in getting to work on the box of broken training sabers, and as she did she stated, "Best get used to this", then smiled at Jia, "I work on them every night.", cracking open the hilt of the broken training saber Aiea had pulled out of the box, she went on to furthermore dissemble it completely. The way in which she did, one would think she could have done it blindfolded... and more than likely--she could have.

The Jedi Instructor was quiet for awhile as she worked on the training sabers, while letting Jia go about her motions as well. The idea was to let Jia's mind focus on the task before her, let her mind fall into solving each of the problems that the damaged training sabers presented. Some were routine, others required requiring more thought and diligence. Divert the mind to some place else, away from the gloom... away from the pain of emptiness. It was a simplistic mental trick that Aeia has utilized on herself for years.

As time passed and the the number of training sabers within the box became smaller, Aeia breaking the silence remarked softly, "Wind up losing yourself in the work after awhile, don't you?", she then turned her midnight blues toward Jia, "I know there's nothing that will ever make you forget...", she then said with sympathetic understanding as her eyes met with Jia's, "Trust me, Jia... when I say I know and understand.", she paused for a trice before continuing, "It is never easy... And I'm not one to give a flowery speech that one day it will be as if none of it ever happened. It would be a lie and trivialize all that occurred. But... I'm hoping... with me, you will find solace."

((Edit: Post 700! \o/ ))

[Dee]

Jia blinked as objects started to get thrust into her hands. She nearly dropped the screwdriver she was given but managed to catch it before it plummeted to the floor. For a few seconds all she could do was stare in confusion as she was given instructions to fix the circuit board that had been shoved into her possession.

"Uh... I don't..." She began, but realized that the woman was going to keep talking and fell silent again. She had no idea what was going on here, exactly... But she figured she should probably just do what she was being told, as random as it seemed.

The teenager moved over to one of the work benches to do as she'd been instructed. It took her very little time at all to fix the over-soldered wire. She'd done similar tasks before, and had a very gentle hand. It wasn't overly difficult for a girl who often worked with technology of all kinds. She was about to announce her completion of the task out loud, until a heavy box was dropped onto the bench with a loud thud. Jia blinked a few more times as she stared at the large box, and slowly pushed aside the circuit board she had just fixed.

Aeia made some remarks about students destroying things and Jia decided she should probably keep to herself the many tales of her accidental technology destroying adventures.

"I..." Jia began again, but slowly trailed off. Just go with the flow... She reached into the box to grab one of the broken training sabers, and got to work as she was being expected to. She took her time and was very careful. This was not a situation where she wanted to mess something up. Not when working right beside a member of the Council.

Distractions had been very welcome to her lately. Anything that could distract her mind. Keep her from thinking, from remembering, and from longing for what was lost. After the initial bewilderment she dove right into this task she had been given, willingly and even gratefully.

They were silent as they worked, and Jia was ok with that. By the time the number of sabers in the box had dwindled the teenager wasn't even sure how long had passed. When Aeia broke the silence she didn't even look up. Especially not as the Master began to talk about the obvious pain she was going through. She just kept staring down at the saber she was working on, and hoped that the other woman didn't notice the further slumping of her shoulders or the momentary shakiness of her breathing.

At least now she knew what this meeting had been about. Calling her here, putting her right to work on these not overly complicated, but still mentally engaging tasks, trying to talk to her about what she had been through.

She was doing what a number of others before her had tried to do. Trying to distract her, talk to her, maybe get her to open up, as if it would help her feel better. So far only one other person who tried had been successful at doing anything more than frustrate her. Maybe a High Council member thought she could do better.

This was a different approach, though. She appreciated that Aeia understood one thing that others didn't. That she couldn't just easily forget what she experienced, and move on as if none of it ever happened. The girl finally stopped what she was doing and glanced up at the other woman, with a softened look in her eyes. A gaze that seemed to silently thank her for understanding.

"I... don't understand, Master Fu." Aeia had told her to call her by her first name... but truthfully, the girl didn't quite feel comfortable with it. "Is that why you called me here? To tell me that, and to help you fix training sabers to keep me busy? It's not that I'm complaining... I like working with my hands..."

Especially when what I'm working on doesn't explode in my face or electrocute me...

"And the distraction was... welcome. This just wasn't really what I was expecting when I was told I was going to meet with a High Council member." She paused for a moment to collect her thoughts. "What do you mean by 'with you'? Is... this going to be a regular thing?"

(( GRATS! ))

[Apillis]

"That depends on you", Aeia replied as she looked upon the padawan before her, she chose not to ease into the discussion of whether Jia wanted to be her padawan or not, but rather lay out what is already there before her--and leave it to her to act upon her own fate, "As my padawan. Yes, it will. However, you are free to decide not to be, and walk right out that door. No hard feelings, no judgment, no repercussion--nothing. It's your life to decide what to do with it, Jia. As it is right now, you and I can be teacher and student... but never is the choice for you turn away from that path deprived from you. It's yours alone to walk."

Aeia took sat down on a stool at the workbench and in turn politely offered an available seat to Jia. She figured it was unfair that she knew so much about Jia via her record, yet Jia likely knew very little about herself; and furthermore expect Jia to hopefully feel trusting enough to open up to her, yet Jia still be largely ignorant to Aeia's own past. There just seemed nothing fair or even ethical in that in Aeia's eyes. So she felt it only proper that she initiate the first move.

"A long time ago...", Aeia uttered quietly, "a Jedi Knight who... lost several of her dearest friends after a bloody conflict, chose me to be her padawan. She was everything to me... a sister... a mother... a friend... I loved her. She and I were bonded together... powerfully. And...", Aeia took in an emotional deep breath, and exhaled it calming herself, "weeks before it was time for me to enter the ranks of Knighthood... she was killed. Sacrificed herself on the blade of someone she--all the way to that final moment loved and called friend, despite their having fallen into darkness."

The newly appointed Council woman paused for a moment as she went on to say, "It felt like a part of myself had been ripped a way... And in a sense... that's precisely what happened when the one a Jedi is bonded to dies.", she looked back at Jia as she continued, "There has never been anything to wipe that memory away... and there never will. For years since, I've... been on my own you could say. I do the duties expected of me, and of course... with aid. But there had always been a distance since that day."

Standing up from her seat, Aeia comfortably crossed her arms under her chest as she stated, "It's an oxymoron in its way... apart yet separate. But, when receiving this position there was one thing I had to reconcile", looking back at Jia, "I'm tired of being on my own", she then simply inquired to the girl, "Aren't you? I don't want to replace anyone... but I think we can help one another."

[Dee]

The words didn't quite sink in right away. The moment they did was clear by the girl's sudden shift of expression. "...Your Padawan?" It was safe to say that Jia had never once imagined that she would be picked to be the Padawan of a member of the Council. Not only being picked... but being given the choice to decline? The look of mixed confusion and surprise on her face implied what was going through her mind at that moment: Is she serious about this? Why would she pick me?

She held her tongue before just blurting the questions out. Aeia wasn't done talking. The padawan was silent, eyes on the Master intently as she listened to her speak. Her heart grew heavy with what she was being told. She looked away from the woman and stared down at the work bench in front of her. It was hard hearing her recount what had happened, and how it still, even now, affected her deeply.

Jia had been so lost in herself lately that it had been a while since she looked outward, and felt what someone else was going through. Aeia knew the pain of losing someone she cared about... and she was trusting enough to openly share it with her. Maybe she thought they could share some kind of connection through it... maybe she was right. It was difficult to say right now.

"I'm tired of being on my own. Aren't you?"[/color]

That got the teenager to glance up again. Though she met Aeia's eyes, blue locked with blue, it was almost as if she was staring straight past her. "Yeah... I am...." She quietly, distantly replied. She had been shying away from others, keeping to herself, and wanting to just be left alone. But that had been a very lonely way to deal with her problems...

There was a while of silence between them after the Master finished what she had to say. Jia finally broke it, "I'm very sorry about your master." Her tone was genuine, and the sympathy she felt laid bare. No one should have to feel that pain, the girl had decided herself. Yet their lives as Jedi were dangerous, their lives were sacrifice, and so many would... She wished, somewhat selfishly, that she had never had to be one of them.

"Why me, Master? You said you think we can help each other, but... You're a member of the Council. You could have any Padawan you wanted, and I'm nothing special."

The girl shifted slightly as if she were uncomfortable. Her voice suddenly sounded very small, "Besides... You might want to rethink it. It seems like I don't have the best record when it comes to keeping masters..."

[Apillis]

Smiling faintly in response to the padawan's last sentiment, "Aeia", she corrected with a teasing gentle tap on the girl's nose with her index finger, "We're not in a classroom. In private settings like this, formalities have always felt... odd... to me."

But her expression and tone became serious when responding to the padawan's last comment given the gravity of the reality what lead the girl to believe such a thing, "Listen to me very carefully, Jia", Aeia stated though with soft pitch in her voice, "You went through a terrible ordeal, and not many Jedi can claim to face what you have. I learned about your previous masters. Qi, I did know--but only superficially and in passing... but he was known as a severe man, and his parting with the Order was for philosophical reasons. While I know it gives no comfort to say this, but his decision had nothing to do with you--it was his inability to reconcile a judgment. It was is own rigid ideals on an impasse in dealing with a regrettable reality that lead him to part ways with the Order.

"And your last master... lost her way. I saw several Jedi like her when I was a youngling and as my master's padawan. Their coming back from a terrible conflict, trying to wrestle with experiences, transgressions and inner-horrors they discovered in that conflict. And then for years trying to cope or even right their perceived failings. Some lose themselves and some find themselves. It's regrettable that you got swept up into those often dark currents with her. But none of that is any reflection upon you, it was a reflection upon her own confusion, You just had the unfortunate circumstance of being affected by it, though I doubt she ever intended you to be.

"But let me tell you from experience, while it's difficult to prevent oneself from gazing too long through the dark glass of cynicism after such events. Its best never to gaze too long as it only serves as a barrier and distaction and nothing more", but then with a warm-smile to lighten the mood back up as she went to finally answer the padawan's question, "As for why I chose you... You're the quietest among your class. And the quietest students are always the most able to learn."

Aeia leaned back as she sat upon the workbench stool, her back resting against the edge of the workbench, "I had shifted around a lot in my time amongst the Order, and for the past decade as a Jedi Instructor I've had many students. But never a padawan, someone to personally engage and share the breadth of what I know, rather just particular subjects here and there within a classroom. Besides... 'High Council Member'", she scoffed at the title, "lofty accolade and labeling for what is little more than a member of a committee that serves the Order. I'm still just a Jedi like any other. The title in of itself is a distraction to the simplistic reality of the being who bears it."

She then stood up and her arms crossed under her chest once again as she smiled, "But nothing special?", she scoffed, "You are you. And no one alive can be more youer than you. And that's pretty special to me, Jia."

[Dee]

Jia almost went cross-eyed for a moment when she tried to watch Aeia as she reached out and tapped her nose. It was a sweet, playful gesture that would have normally gotten a smile out of the girl. That wasn't the case this time, but it at least seemed to relax her moment of despondence. She shifted again before responding to the Master's second request to call her by her first name, "Alright..." The idea of it still felt uncomfortable to her... but she would try her best to do as she was asked.

It wasn't easy for her to listen to Aeia talk about Qi and Rin. She looked away again at some point during the woman's speaking to try the hide the glistening of her eyes, caused by tears that were fighting tooth and nail to fall. She struggled in vain to swallow back the lump that had formed in her throat, and even tried to quiet her own shaky breathing as she tried hard to keep her composure.

She managed, though it was comparable to struggling to stay balanced while teetering at the edge of a cliff. Her willpower had been stretched thin by the time Aeia had stopped speaking of the girl's former masters. Though it was easier to keep her emotions under control at that point, the damage had been done and the thoughts lingered with her. Even as the Master warned her of the dangers of that very thing.

Jia didn't exactly have low self esteem. She knew her strengths and her talents, and she had confidence in them for the most part; but she also knew her faults. Her flaws and her failures stuck with her and always left a strong impression on her own self outlook. She had never handled her mistakes well and had a tendency to beat herself up over them. It was no different for this. The reality as far as she saw it was that she hadn't been a good enough Padawan to either Qi or Rin. She wasn't enough of a reason for either of them to stay.

It was more than disheartening to know that if she had been, Qi might still be alive. If she had been someone he could trust in enough to share his feelings, maybe he wouldn't have ever left. And Rin... Rin might have been able to find some peace. Jia would've done anything to help her find it. She cared about her so much, and wanted so badly to stay by her side and help her. She should've done more for her. They could have been happy...

Though she voiced none of this out loud and never had any intention to, the look in her eyes betrayed that the guilt was there, and it embedded itself deeply. It was going to take much more than a single reassurance that she had no fault in any of what had happened to wash that away.

"I guess..." Was the only response the teenager gave to Aeia's last statement as she rubbed at the back of her neck. It seemed that she wasn't fully ready to believe that either. "You know a lot about my masters... and about me, I guess. Still, you had never even met me before now. But you had no doubts at all? The Council probably does. I know I haven't been carrying myself well... I've been dragging my feet around the Temple day after day, I've gotten angry and lashed out at others... I've been trying so hard but I can't control my emotions. I never could, and now it's worse. Why wouldn't the Council look down on that? Why wouldn't you?"

One brief hesitation later, in that quiet voice of her's she's added on, "...And just so you know, you're probably gonna change your mind about that me being quiet thing the more time you spend around me."

[Apillis]

There was no delusion in Aeia's mind that it was going to take far more than a few comforting words to pull Jia out of her depression. It was going to be a process and an ongoing one--all things come in do time, and the most worthwhile things come with patience. And Aeia was willing to give Jia as much patience and support as she needed. While Aeia could see that the topic was a hard one for the girl, and understandably so, nevertheless the best method in learning how to reconcile it is by addressing it. Though, Aeia did not want to push too hard, and be a bit more cautionary on the issue until she learned more about Jia through interacting with her.

It was not hard for Aeia to understand Jia's disposition, it was not unalike what she went through herself during her master's death. It took her weeks just to get back onto an even keel, while the topic itself always continued to be a painful one to linger on. She did not expect it to be any less difficult for Jia. The real difficulty lay within getting Jia to open enough to her.

Aeia's brow furrowed in response to the girl as she took her seat back on the stool beside the workbench, "I didn't know your two former masters as well I would have liked. I only know as much as what was on record from both of their formal departures from the Order", she then smiled a little as she told her, "But, Jia... if the Council looked down upon all Jedi who have become emotional or snapped from time to time at others. There would be no Jedi.

"All Jedi have fallen short of their own expectations of themselves. That is... as the saying goes... simply being 'human'. In many ways, our own fallibilities is the best part of ourselves. Because without them, we would not be who we are", once again leaning her back against the edge of the workbench as she stated, "Every time I've had a student talking about how they have consistently failed... I ask them, if they could describe how they feel as if it were clarity of sight. They always give me varying descriptions of obscurity or murky or foggy... And then I ask them if they mean 'clouded'. That's when it dawns on them what is happening."

Pausing for a thoughtful second before going onto say, "It's very easy to get lost out there, finding oneself overly critical for believed failings. But that clouded view of the reality--of the self is nothing more than a distraction from a dark outside trying to channel its way through you.", she then smirked a little, "That's why we did that little routine with the training sabers earlier. When you feel something is clouding your sight or mind. Focus that vision--your mind onto something you can find more clarity. It can be anything, tinkering with projects to studying whatever best catches your fancy--anything that holds your interests. Some think it is merely a distraction from a distraction. But the truth is, by regaining clarity by focusing it elsewhere, you regain your ability to see that 'cloud' for what it really is. That's not a distraction, that's self-awareness."

Aeia let out a smile sigh out of a pensive trice before continuing onto say, "It may feel like everything has come toward its end, and nothing will get better. But... it's not true. It will. It's not easy, it's never easy. It takes time, but it will get better."

[Dee]

"I've never really thought of it that way before...", was the girl's quiet, and maybe even somewhat thoughtful, response to Aeia's explanation. Distraction to Jia had been only a temporary fix. A way to escape from the thoughts and memories that she didn't want to have. They worked, at least for a while. So she kept throwing herself into them.

But once they were gone, she would slip right back into feeling just as empty as before. They had hardly been a permanent fix or help to her. Maybe she had been looking at them, and treating them the wrong way. Her own outlook may have been the very thing holding her back in that regard, if what Aeia was saying was true.

"It may feel like everything has come toward its end, and nothing will get better. But... it's not true. It will. It's not easy, it's never easy. It takes time, but it will get better."[/i]

The young Mirialan let out a deep, heavyhearted sigh. Her gaze sunk to the floor. "That's what I keep being told. And I want to believe it's true. I really do. It just seems so far away that I can't even see it. It's like... You're expected to one day just carry on normally, acting like things haven't changed, like something important isn't missing, like there isn't some hole in your heart that can't ever be replaced or fully fixed, and I don't understand that. I can't even make sense of that."

She raised her head again and those sad blue eyes met Aeia's. "But I wish I could." There was a moment of silence before the teenager spoke again, "How long did it take you before you felt... 'normal' again?"

Jia was tired of hiding and pushing people away so that she could be left alone. It wasn't something she could keep up. It just wasn't who she was. She was lonely. That question was her finally reaching out. They hadn't shared the exact same experiences, but they were comparable. Maybe enough for them to fully understand one another, to form some kind of connection. She was hoping to find some comfort in Aeia's answer, and in this short time they had spent together. Maybe they could, like Aeia had said, find that comfort in each other.

(( Edit: Oops, typo. ))

[Apillis]

Taking a second to think about to answer Jia, Aeia eventually decided to be forthright with how she felt on the mater as a whole, "I'm not even sure what normality is, Jia", taking in a deep breath she and exhaling as she admitted, "In all honesty, nothing was the same and nothing will. It was never about wiping away Xica from my memory. It was merely coming to terms with her no longer being with me--apart of me. Besides, why would I want to forget someone who was so dear?", staring off a little in contemplation she uttered quietly, "The idea of that just seems cruel."

She then turned her gaze back to Jia, "It's not about replacing a memory or anyone, and I don't want to do that", she was quiet once again for a trice before continuing, "There is no normality out there, and there never will be. But what you can find is peace. It's not quick and easy, it does not come simply. But for those who truly want it and seek it, they can find the solace of its light. Think for a moment. In all your time with your two former masters, was anything ever normal? Or did you simply find a level of tranquility by being with them?"

Rising from her seat she then said to the padawan, "In any case, it's starting to get late. We spent quite a bit of time working on those training sabers and my babbling, lost all track of time. We'll talk more, though.", with a warm smile Aeia then uttered, "Really, at the core of it all there are only three things I will teach: simplicity, patience, and compassion. And the means to achieve them through one action: acceptance. Those three are the goal, while acceptance is the action that leads to them. And it all only comes with time. Not in a single night."

((Edit: Fix'd typo.))

[Dee]

The answer was expected. It would have been nice if it had been "one day you just wake up and feel one hundred percent better and carry on with your life as if nothing bad ever happened to you and it never affects you ever again", but she knew that just wasn't how things worked. And maybe Aeia was right that forgetting completely would just disrespect the memories she had. She didn't want to forget Qi and the example he had set for her, and she didn't want to forget Rin and how happy she had been with her in their short time together.

It would take time, but Aeia had been through this too... and she promised that it would get better. Jia decided that she wanted to trust that, no matter how long it took, or how far away it seemed. With a new master's help... maybe she could begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel and find, as she put it, peace and acceptance. It was time for a new beginning, whether she was ready for it or not.

After Aeia explained how she would be teaching Jia, the girl gave a slight nod. "I understand..." She slowly stood as well, giving her new master a respectful slight bow of her head as she continued, "Thank you for choosing me. I'll be honored to be your Padawan."

With that, the girl took her leave to return to her quarters. As she moved through the halls, quiet and empty as many Jedi had gone to sleep already, she found her thoughts turning to what lied ahead of her. Something they hadn't done in a while. That night instead of struggling to fall asleep while every bad memory she had bombarded her mind, she drifted off wondering what the future would hold for her now.