Breaking the Bad News [Closed; Alaska]

[Quark]

Felix moved up the temple steps as if he were a ghost, ignoring all of those around him as he slowly plodded towards his destination. His expression was blank, devoid of the half-smirk that he normally possessed. If those around him made any mention about his depressing attitude or the suspicious stains which covered his gray robes it was not something that he noticed. On and on he walked, into the main hallway of the temple and further, his unusually slow pace taking him inevitably towards his destination.

The tall human cursed every step that he took, every inch closer to the Padawan's quarters that he moved. It was as if his duty were dragging him there as he internally kicked and screamed and tried to flee. There was nothing that he wanted to do less, and yet nothing that he needed to do more.

It was only the fact that it was so late at night that prevented Felix from running into people. He was walking as if on auto-pilot, and a number of times fellow Jedi had to step out of his way to prevent a collision. Suddenly he came to a halt, the door behind which his dreaded goal lay. Panic flooded the Padawan as a lifetime of emotional training fled from his mind. What had already happened was terrible enough, but now... Now he had to talk about it. Even worse, he had to tell her.

Grasping at what little logic remained in his mind the Padawan closed his eyes. He had to create at least a facade of calmness. He had always been the strong one, the one who laughed everything off as a joke. If Emmi sensed the despair that Felix was experiencing it would only make her panic more. And so he breathed, drawing on the Force to fill him, to conceal the emotions that were dominating his being. As he opened his eyes the young man could still feel the panic and sorrow, but they were muted, like a numbed limb.

The Padawan took the last few steps to reach the door to Emmi's quarters and raised a fist to knock. Another shiver of panic rushed down his spine as an image of Zyrek's lifeless body flashed through his mind unbidden. Felix clamped down on his thoughts one last time, driving away the image with pure force of will. He finally let his fist fall, softly rapping against the door.

[Alaska!]

It had been a long day and Emmi deserved to rest. She had spent most of the day running around trying to distract herself from boredom and loneliness. Both Felix and her master had left on a mission, leaving her behind. It wasn't that she minded, she would not have been very helpful but without them her typical forms of entertainment and company were gone.

As the night wore on she began to feel physically ill so went to her room to relax. No matter what Emmi did her stomach ached and twisted in her abdomen painfully. Emmi laid on her bed, her anxiety and general discomfort building more and more. Her green eyes searched her room, looking for some kind of distraction. They landed on a small bowl on a table. In the bowl was her stash of candy, candy that Zyrek would give her occasionally. Her stomach lurched, forcing her to sit up and hunch over.

Then she felt him. Felix was at the temple? She smiled at this, if he had returned that meant she wouldn't have to entertain herself for another day. However, her smile faded as she felt his panic and sadness.
Something is wrong.
Emmi sat up straighter, forgetting her stomach pain. She stood and walked to the door just as there was a heavy knock on it. Her stomach tightened again. Quickly she fumbled to open the door. It slid open to reveal a disheveled Felix. The look on his face terrified her. Something was very, very wrong.
"Felix? Are you..." her eyes fell onto the stains on his robe.
Is that blood?
Everything felt cold and numb. What had happened? Why was there blood and dirt on his robes? Her hand came up and covered her mouth. All she could do was stare at his clothes.

[Quark]

Dull blue eyes followed the path that Emmi's eyes had carved, settling upon the dark stains which ruined Felix's gray robes. Sith spit, the Padawan swore internally, wishing that he had possessed the common sense to change before presenting himself before his fellow student. He could see the worried look that Emmi wore, the confusion and fear. While there was no easy way to present the news, he had hoped to start off with a slightly better tone.

Felix silently slipped into the girl's chambers, motioning that she should close the door after him as he removed his robes to reveal the tunic and pants that lay below. These clothes remained mercifully unstained, the young man had escaped the accident with only a few bruises himself.

How unfair is that? He thought, It was my fault and yet I'm the one who gets off easy He spread his arms wide, taking up the majority of the small quarters as he presented his unharmed form to Emmi.

"I'm fine. Hardly a scratch on me, probably less that normal actually." His trademark lopsided smirk attempted to make an appearance and faultered. He let his arms drop limply to his sides, his eyes seeking for anything in the room to latch onto other than his fellow Padawan. Felix winced slightly as he caught sight of the bowl of candy which lay on the table. With an uncharacteristic, heavy sigh he sat on the small bed.

"Emmi-" The tall Padawan's voice cracked. He cleared his throat and tried again. "The mission... The mission had complications." A large hand came up to rub his forehead. He wasn't sure that he could continue. How could he be the one to tell her what happened, that it was all his fault?

[Alaska!]

They stared at each other before Felix's gaze followed hers to the dirty robes. It was as if he had seen them for the first time, which seemed strange to Emmi and only made her worry more. He moved towards her to enter her room and she shuffled aside to give him room. Her movements were instinctual only, her body moved as if on autopilot. The twisting feeling in her gut twisted tighter. She half turned to face him, not thinking to close the door behind her. He reminded her with a gesture of his hand. With shaky hands she slid the door closed behind them. With great effort Emmi managed to keep her facial expression neutral, not wanting to upset Felix further.

She watched him slip his robes off to reveal a clean tunic and pants. For a moment her entire body relaxed. He's not hurt
"I'm fine. Hardly a scratch on me, probably less that normal actually." He tried to smile at her but it looked awkward and miss placed. She returned an equally forced and awkward smile. If he wasn't hurt then what had him in her room so late and covered in blood? Wait. Where's Master Zyrek? Emmi's smile and neutral demeanor quickly disappeared.

"F-felix, where is Master? Is he hurt?" Her voice faltered and betrayed the emotion that was building up behind Emmi's practiced control. Even as the words left her mouth somehow she knew they were wrong. It was much worse. I cannot assume anything. There's a chance I'm wrong. He could be fine.

[Quark]

Emmi's wavering voice cut through Felix's heart like a cold blade. It was a sign that she knew, perhaps only just on a instinctive level, what was coming. That somehow made what he had to say so much harder. They both knew where the conversation was going, the dark path that they had to travel down. Why did he have to vocalize it, form the words and make them become reality?

With a shuttering sigh the young man took his hands away from his face, his dull blue eyes fixing on a place somewhere past the wall that stood in front of him. A few moments passed as he gathered his strength to formulate his sentences.

"Something went wrong during the mission. Somehow the guy got tipped off. He fled before Zyrek and I could confront him." Felix's tone was flat, devoid of any emotion whatsoever. It was a defense mechanism, a way to cut himself off from the words that he was saying.

"I jumped into the driver's seat. We chased the guy. And then..." The Padawan's hands began shaking.

"There was an accident. Someone else smashed into our side." Finally Felix made eye contact with Emmi, his eyes wet. "Em... They smashed into the passenger side. There was..." His voice died suddenly in his throat, and he shook his head.

[Alaska!]

He sighed sadly, his eyes not meeting hers. The silence made her anxious. She wanted him to tell her that she was wrong. Tell her that Zyrek was was fine and this was some kind of joke. Or maybe it was one of their master's unorthodox training exercises. Emmi wrung her hands together, nervously. The skin on her hands turned white because of how tightly she squeezed them. She kept her eyes that were wide with terror on Felix's chest. She could not bring herself to look him in the face.

"Something went wrong during the mission. Somehow the guy got tipped off. He fled before Zyrek and I could confront him." Her went numb. All she could do was stare at his chest. Emmi's body went through moments of stillness and shaking. She could only keep her body still and under her control for a moment before the shakes returned with a vengeance. "I jumped into the driver's seat. We chased the guy. And then..." Her eyes were drawn to his shaking hands.
Felix...

She wanted to grab his hands and comfort him. Never in the three years she had known him had she seen him his hurt and distraught. He was always the strong one. He wasn't strong now, he was breaking down.
No matter what he says. I cannot cry. I don't want him to hurt anymore.
"There was an accident. Someone else smashed into our side. Em... They smashed into the passenger side. There was..."

For the last sentence he looked up at here so that they looked each other in the eye. It was almost too much, but Emmi bit her lip and managed to hold herself together. She took a few large steps towards him and took his hands. Emmi opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out. Her chin just shook.
"Are you ok?" she asked in a shaky voice. She wasn't asking about physical injuries, but any injuries his heart. He'd grown up with the man, knew him better than she ever would. He was hurting more. She had to take care of him. He was all she had left. "Are you ok?" Her voice broke again but she didn't cry. Quickly, without asking she wrapped her arms around his waist in a hug.

[Quark]

Felix stood there for a moment, just feeling Em's arms wrapped around him. It was comforting, reassuring to feel connected to someone. He let his emotions rage through him for some time, a torrent of fear and despair that he had been damming off since the incident. His arms pulled Emmi in close to him.

After a long while the tall Padawan disengaged himself, stepping back from the girl as he regained some control over his feelings. "I don't know," He said, his voice quivering. He shook his head.

"The worst part... The part that I keep coming back to..." Felix turned his hands to face palm up and stared at them, still slowly shaking his head.

"Em, it was my fault." This single statement, this final admission was the final straw. Tears began to run freely down the young man's face, leaving moist trails on his soiled face. It had been years since Felix had cried, so long ago that he couldn't remember the last time that it had happened.

It was over almost as soon as it had started. The Padawan's eyes dried up and he all he could feel anymore was exhaustion. With a heavy sigh he sat on Em's bed, his heavy form making the frame creak in protest.

[Alaska!]

The hug was for him but it did offer Emmi some comfort. She was afraid that he might pull away and not let her help him. She could sense the emotions that raged inside of him. It pained her to know how much pain Felix was in, almost more so than the pain of her own loss. She felt his arms wrap around her petite body. Despite what she had promised herself tears spilled over her eyelids and down her cheeks. He wouldn't be able to see it though, thankfully. Between the two of them no one spoke or moved. Emmi was caught up in her own head, trying to figure out what to do next.

Her line of thought was broken when he pulled away from her. Her arms fell to her sides and hung there limply.
"I don't know" The answer he had given her felt like a dagger had been plunged into her chest. The way his voice shook left her in complete silence. No words of comfort came to her. "The worst part... The part that I keep coming back to...Em, it was my fault."

That wasn't true. How could he even think that? Emmi wanted to hug him again but did not move, just let him speak. As much as she wanted to mitigate his pain, she could not stop him. Perhaps the best thing to do now was to let him talk, let him feel sad. She watched the tears come and go, all the while holding her own tears back. He sat on her bed and became quiet. She sat down beside him.
"This is not your fault, Felix," she told him. "It's no one's fault. It... it was just an accident. Please, don't blame yourself..."