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[Sheppard]

Scheduled for Deletion

[Apillis]

I'm going to say straight up... "Beware the Sue pitfalls."

Thus far...

He can mentally invade people and use mind trick like a pro... yet... his telepathy is only 2. In essence he can possibly mess around with a toddlers mind with that level of ability. Or maybe touch the mind a willing and open mind yet not without some strain on his part, but outright invade that of another Force adept (or Jedi/Sith) to the point he could twist it the extent of being maladjusted or steal information is a massive stretch. And I mean massive. I play characters who have been trained all their lives in the Force who have Telepathy 3 and 5, and I'd never have them doing anything near like that because it'd be nonsensical and godmode-y. Feel out the superficial surface thoughts of a non-Force-sensitive with a bit of concentration (and MAYBE another Force adept not with out HUGE amounts of focus and meditation devoted utterly to that task alone)... maybe... in the case of the 5, but never in the case of the 3 (and the 3 is a Sith Lord). And your char as a 2 in the ability. He'd barely be able to shield his own thoughts, never mind outright invading those of a Jedi Master.

And that's on top of him being untrained in the Force...

Also, if his Telekinesis is 1, then it's not exactly a specialized ability, because well... at that level all he could about do is move something the size of a pen like a pro. He could clumsily move something the size of blaster... but only with a fair deal of concentration devoted to the task... That's not exactly something to be considered as a specialized skill. That's essentially just being a novice with a certain ability.

And, I'm sorry, but "Pyschopath" is not a profession. I'm a diagnosed severe Hygienic OCD case, but I couldn't exactly walk around going, "Hey, you want to hire a Hygienic OCD case for being a Hygienic OCD case?", unless they were a mental health clinic lab and wanted to pay me so they could use me for observation to experiment new meds on me for my particular diagnosis. I get that you were probably going for a comedic angle here, but I mean you have that, coupled with what you have him doing with those two stats that I brought up earlier on top of having him named after King Solomon--the sorcerer whom God made immortal as Solomon went about binding a whole host of demons (or jinni pending the culture telling the tale) to his service; and then with the surname of Deo which is a derivative of the Latin word "dio" meaning "god". It makes one raise an eyebrow. I'm not knocking the name (I dig it personally), it's just the name in conjunction with the overly pumped up stuff I criticized earlier that brings me right back to my very first sentence in this post...

In short, play the stats as they are, yo. If you want him to be able to mess with the minds of Jedi Masters... and be talented with telekinesis, the stats are not only going to have to be higher--but he's going to need to have extensive training in said stats. On top of which messing with the minds of Force adepts... that's not something so easily done, especially the ones who have formal training... because they've also had formal training in being able to block out telepathic mental manipulation. I'm not saying it can't be done, I'm saying it's exceptionally difficult even for someone with an enormous amount of ability to be able to pull off. Not an untrained novice.

[Sheppard]

Damn homie chill

I think there is a fundamental misunderstanding which I will address with an edit.
First the name is just a name, I'm well versed in how to not be god modey. That is the easy one.

As far as his stats, I'm sure I can tweak them a bit to better reflect what Solomon can actually do. Admittedly I'm not well versed in the stat system here.

I think your biggest misunderstanding (one that I don't fault you on and I'm sure many other would make) is your perception of what I think he can do, due mostly to his RP sample. First and foremost, he cannot invade the mind of a Jedi Master. I thought I can stated it clearly enough that most of his powers were useless against trained force users, specifically his mind tricks.

What he can do (and this is where the confusion I think has come in) is be unpredictable enough to make even a master hesitate enough to allow the slightest slip up in defenses, allowing for death or capture. Capture in this case. I'm sure this isn't the first time a non-force user has captured or killed a Jedi Master and his Apprentice.

What he also has access to is his poisons that can effectively sever your connection to the Force temporarily. Unfortunately this poison (to be effective) must be administered almost on an IV drip, though I'm shooting blind here and have no idea how kosher that is here.

The Psychopath thing is understandable, though I'm no sure about your rather strong aversion too it. The dude is an insane serial killer, it could be viewed as almost a joke to have that there.

As far as his 'specialized' abilities, I think we have different definitions. I placed what I placed there to actually just say in a concise list the only powers he can use, and none of them all that well.

And as far as him being a 'pro' at mind tricks, hardly. He just knows how to use one and can use one on your typical weak minded individual.

Does anyone else have any similar qualms with Mr. Deo here?


EDIT: and thank you Apillis for taking the time to read it over, if only someone would do the same for Sheppard

[Apillis]

The specialized skills stuff is in reference for techniques/abilities like these listed here: swrponline2.proboards.com/thread/6821 which is linked within the Fringer board notes and within the Grey Jedi app notes above where you c/p the app itself. To get a better handling of how the stats work and whatnot, it's always a good modus operandi to check out approved apps for what works and what is accepted.

But, here's the deal. You state yourself within the app that he is untrained in the Force. And while, sure, a non-Force-sensitive can certainly capture and/or kill a Force adept, but not without a GREAT amount of difficulty. It's not something any chump can just do, most who can do it have either had massive amounts of militaristic/tactical training and/or immense resources at their disposal and/or have been trained specifically to be able to face down Force adepts. For example, I have an Imperial Intelligence agent character, and she is a non-Force-sensitive with vastly more training than you character, and I did have her fight and manage to kill a Jedi Sentinel who tracked her down. However, she barely managed to survive that encounter, in fact, the aftermath of that encounter she had to have numerous cybernetic implants installed just so she could operate as she did before she fought the Jedi. The point being, it's not something just some random chump or even "psychopath" can do without any explanation.

This is even more so in regards to a Jedi Master. You're going to need to explain exactly how his toxins and/or abilities managed to bypass and/or trump not just the vast array of power and ability and perception a Jedi Master has at their disposal but his apprentice coupled with that. It's not exactly something that's just magically done without any explanation. It's stuff like that gets people arching their collective right eyebrows with red flags raising. Because even a Sith Lord/Dark Jedi Master taking out a Jedi Master (or vice versa) still needs a healthy dose of explanation.

[Sheppard]

Ah see now that was constructive and gives me something to work off of

EDIT: As they stand I see only a small tweak being necessary in his stats. Apillis had me thinking that there was no room for a character like this but based purely off the fringe section notes it appears I may need to raise these numbers a smidge.

[Apillis]

My original review was based on the assumption that you had read the section notes and the app notes as directed to all new players when creating a character. I guess that was my largest mistake in my initial review--a fallacy I guess I should bear in mind from now on. At no point did I ever say that sort of character wasn't doable, I merely pointed out what was wrong with it currently.

Every character has limitations, but when you don't see those limitations played out (which is often what RP samples are utilized for), and accomplishing extraordinary feats (such as an untrained Force adept capturing a Jedi Master and having killed said Jedi Master's apprentice with zero explanation as to how), it pretty much demands to be questioned. Mods... when approving apps... don't just want to see people playing up their characters strengths or doing something super-crazy-awesome without any explanation as to how, they'd much rather see said super-crazy-awesome feats (if they really need to be mentioned) with the character's limitations playing a clear role in it. Or at the very least being challenged. Otherwise, again, red flags start raising for them.

[Rugs]

Moved to inactive pending

[Sheppard]

Moderator, please delete this thread

[Dutch]

Moved to Archive