Lord Darknal [WIP]

[Rugs]

While you're still working on this, I'd encourage you to beef up some of your sections. Especially for his padawanship, which makes up some of the formative years of him developing into what he is in terms of ability and character. Talk about his training, what his relationship with his master was like. Tell of a mission or two they went on. Same for his time as a Knight. Those are two of the most important sections of the bio.

And as a tip, you might just want to combine the first three sections into one. Not unusual to have the first few years, where not much of anything happens, all grouped together to get out of the way

[Deleted]

Rugs, I like the idea for combining the paragraphs. Also, I got ideas, but i'm running out of ideas. I'll try and add more stuff, for sure. Such as that relationship thing you were talking about.

[Apillis]

Here's something I often used to tell people back when I was a Storyteller (basically DM) for a VtM site/campaign, when their char backgrounds were a bit bare, yet had "ideas" for things and could rattle for good ol' time about there character, but everything they were talking about wouldn't be any where within the written background or at least in near as much detail; I'd tell'em this: in every and any point where you have him doing something--anything--what was going through his head? Something had to be turning through his head to lead him to make the decisions he did. Having spent the majority of one's life as a Jedi to wind up Sith numerous perspective altering events must have had happened to him, and something must've been going through his head while it was all happening. Funny thing is, lots of times in RP I see people writing these posts of their characters inner-workings and turmoils and profound ruminations, yet these elements would be next to non-existent in their character's bio for things they lived through.

One's fall is never just the flip of a switch, it's a gradual thing--subtle in its beginnings, and it builds with time. Digs of insecurities, pangs of inner pain, isolation, mistrust, flaring up of one's tempers. On top of which we're talking about two severely juxtaposed dogmatic religious philosophies, Jedi often tend to have their own ideals on the Code and the Jedi tenets in which they follow, and for them to turn to the Sith's there had to be events to cause all of it to unravel in a new way for a new outlook and perspective, but above all--act on it. And then as Sith to develop their own ideology and philosophy in regards to the Sith's own Code and belief structure.

On top of that lightsaber forms and Force techniques and abilities are not just some cool powers that Jedi or Sith teach and learn because they're super crazy awesome. Especially in the case of lightsaber forms, they each have their own philosophy to them, and Jedi and Sith oft tend to have their own philosophy surrounding them. For example, I see you want your character to know Force Crush, my first Dark Jedi/Sith Lord was a master who was incredibly powerful with Telekinesis, and she specialized in Force Repulse and Force Crush. But she did not develop and learn them just because they were super crazy awesome. As she was learning and developing the techniques throughout the course of her life she was building and creating her own philosophy based around them with those techniques at what eventually became her level of power within Telekinesis as the pinnacle of her personal philosophy.

The problem is this, many times people just look at a bio or background as just some brief summary of their character, and often times just toss out whatever comes to mind hoping it'll pass. But a character bio is more than that, it is your character's story of their life, so tell it as though it were a story rather than just something that one would read out of a dossier.

[Deleted]

Apillis, for your first two paragraphs, I actually planned and gave reason to his fall, I just haven't typed it yet: Anywho, remember the Crime Lords? Xelius goes back in a flare of rage to kill them (or at least one of them) and when he comes back, his Master notices he was gone, and Xelius gets even more mad, and questions his master about the Jedi, about how they claim to protect others, yet they couldn't protect his parents.

His Master then says how Nar Shaddaa is in control of the Fringe, and that the Jedi can't save his Parents without the Hutts and criminals getting involved. After going back and forth, there argument ends with a duel. Which will be one of my RP Samples. I plan on making at least 2 RP Samples.

For your last two paragraphs, I see what you mean. Its just, i'm bad at writing. I mean, sure, I got good Grammar, i'm a great RPer, but, if I ever wrote a book, i'd be worst than Brian's Faster than the Speed of Love on Family Guy. I'll try to make the bio more like a story, instead of just saying, "Hey, here the words, just read them."

[Deleted]

Actually I have a different idea. Xelius could just be kept up thinking about his parents, his Master asks if something is troubling him, and then Xelius asks about how the Jedi weren't able to protect his parents. After arguing a while, their argument results in a duel.

[Apillis]

That's thing though, I see these all the time, the "rebelling against the Jedi" because they "fail to protect everyone", which is often the meek little guys like you character's parents. But if that's the reasoning for his fall to the dark side, then what was it that lead him to the Sith? Because under Sith dominion, those people that Darknal is outraged that the Jedi fail to protect--then logically he should downright loathe the Sith because to them his parents aren't even worth looking down their nose at or even the simplest acknowledgment of their existence--they're nothing. Those too weak to protect themselves serve the strong or die from their uselessness and/or feebleness.

So how does he go from being infuriated with the Jedi for the impracticality of being unable to help and protect everyone to becoming a figurehead (which is what a Sith Lord is) within Sith society that see the meek as little more than scum on the heel of their boot, but more even more so earned their place there because of their weakness. How does he swing from one end of these massive polarized viewpoints to the other? I see these types of concepts all the time but I never see that explained. It's oft "Welp, the Jedi suck because they can't help everyone, so screw them I'm going to join these guys over here WHO HAVE NO INTEREST IN HELPING ANYONE BUT THEMSELVES. Because I mean, *#@& it, why not? I'm dark side now. Amirite?!", it just never makes any sense.

Also, the Jedi teach their padawans all sorts of things, and over the course of the padawan's life via their own personal experiences while attempting to put their lessons into practice they gain their own unique perspectives to them. Let's stick with that "being angry because the Jedi can't protect people like [his] parents", so then what is his response to the lessons that Jedi would have taught throughout the course of his training as a padawan and even as full-fledged Jedi Knight that the Jedi Order cannot protect everyone, so they instead seek to protect those of whom they can within the limits that their power will allow them to. Because protecting everyone is an impossible impracticality that when looked in its fullest context it all the more becomes nonsensical. So what is his reaction and own belief structure in regards to these lessons?

And then most importantly if he's going to be Sith, how did it all degrade and deteriorate to the point he'd want to abandon it all to join a culture that's juxtaposition is so far from his own disposition?

[Deleted]

I don't see a good way for him to go from Jedi to Sith. I though the failure to protect thing would of worked, but I guess not. Do you have a logical reason for him becoming Sith? If you do, I could use it and add on to it.

[Apillis]

You're going to need to dehumanize him. Sith range from those who's humanity is being bled from them to those who have no semblance of being "human" any longer. The latter may have little flickers of humanity here and there, but on the whole--they tend to be too far gone. Sith tend to range somewhere within that wide venue. The idea of protecting lives, especially those weaker is a human quality for preservation. Something would have to cause him to lose it, or at the very least see it as something to shed from himself. A weakness or vulnerability of his own that needs to die.

A lot of what the Sith are about is rebirth into a supposed greater form. It's what their "Sith names" and "titles of power" are all about, proclaiming this new existence and state of being they have entered for the sake of attaining greater power.

How Darknal can reach that point is through any number of ways. You know your character better than I do--he's gotten the taste for the dark side. He sees the Jedi as ineffective for protecting the weak, he fights his master out of anger and leaves, what's he do from there? From that point there are any number of experiences he could have and/or endure to gradually alter his perspective. The temptation and corruption of the dark side has a tendency to do that. So again, coming full circle, what were the things he saw/experienced/endured that enabled him to go from one end of the spectrum to the other?

[Deleted]

Thank you for explaining that, it helped a lot. I'll add/fix stuff later in the afternoon.

[Deleted]

-Added degraded Crushgaunts made out of Durasteel, instead of True Crushgaunts made out of Beskar.
-Added that his armor is made out of Beskar, (needs Mod Approval of course) because he took it from a Mandalorian (please see end of Bio) and they usually make they're armor out of Beskar.

[Rugs]

It's a nice effort, but banned is banned x)

[Deleted]

POODOO! Ok then, he shall have Gauntlets made out of Beskar. Stolen from that Mandalorian of course.

[Rugs]

Just checking to see if you're still working on this guy

[Deleted]

I am. I should be active more around next week, i'm getting a new computer, this one acts like some dude shanked it with water.

[Squee]

Around to work on it?

[Dutch]

I need to get this two cents in, even if this goes inactive:

The issue with ANYONE besides a Mandalorian attaining/using a set of beskar armor is that fact that the Mandos don't mass produce their armor.

It is a /heavily/ cultural item for them, and because of this sets of armor are custom made just for that individual who wears it.

Plates measured to /perfectly/ sit, underweave set to be a second skin to the wearer

Gadgets and equipment within tailored /specifically/ to that Mandalorian's preference.

On top of all that, it takes years to learn how to move around in beskar, years of schooling to learn how to operate it's electronics and HUD capabilities.

Beskar is more than just 'a set of heavy armor', it is a massively complicated and sophisticated suite. Some random Dark Jedi who just finds a set, will be hindering himself more than helping in such armor.

If you're going for just 'armored sith' idea, then just give him a set of heavy armor (though for most Force users that's stupid cause it inhibits using the Force, which is a Jedi's main source of strength)

But basically, I'm denying the use of Mandalorian beskar for this character. It's restricted for a reason my friend

[Deleted]

k. Anyway, I announce that I am re-active. I got a new computer, and now a new life of digitalness. Hope I finish this dude within 1-2 weeks.

[Deleted]

I know I'm quite new here, but to my completely unprofessional eyes, this looks alright!

[Deleted]

Still things I gotta remove though

[Deleted]

Mixed myself up too much in the Bio, restarting in hopes of a better one.