Rencorth [WIP]

[Rencorth]

Name: Rencorth

Race: Human

Age: 28

Birthplace:

Allegiance: Sith

Status: Initiate

Rank: Initiate

Height/Weight: 6ft 1in 200 lbs



Appearance:

A tall average build human male with dark brown hair in a flattop and neatly kept point goatee his cheek s are thin his eyes are set deep his skin is pale with signs of dark side corruption. A thin bodied and thin faced man his eyes used to dark brown the dark corruption a tuned to in glodish orange now. He prefers to standard dark flowing robes with a hood, to other clothing options.

Personality:

He is dark cold brutal man devoted to the dark side the pain he suffered has made his heart hard and cold as ice, he enjoys watching other suffer, screams of pain, and agony, and death bring his joy, he seeks to know all the sects of the Dark side which why he became a student of Sith sorcery and alchemy. A former slave who mother was rapped countless Sith and imperials, and latter when discover he could use the force in rage that a guard was beating his pregnant wife his kill not only to guard but his wife and her unborn child, his anger, hate, pain and despair hardened his heart he is filled more rage and hate and fear than even Vader was. He is power hungry. slightly impatience at but he is learn to be more patience and to use manipulation to accomplish his goals.

Ships/Vehicles: None yet

Equipment: Basic red bladed light saber, Sith soccer Robes



Stats:

Strength -Average

Agility -Average

Intelligence -Above Average

Charisma -Above Average

Force Stats:

Telekinetic-Novice

Telepathic-Novice

Body- Unskilled

Sense-Novice

Protection-Unskilled

Healing:– Unskilled

Destruction–Apprentice

Combat Training: Unskilled

Force Training:

Force lightning- Apprentice

Sense- Novice

Force choke- Apprentice

Force sight- Novice

Force Persuasion- Novice

Force illusion- Novice

Force push- Novice

Force pull- Novice

















Other Training:

Lightsaber Training:

Soresu- Novice

Ataru- Novice

Biography:

Born on Avra he was born a slave as his mother had been since she was born, here master for a low level Sith who took previse pleasure in raping his female slave and allowing and even insisting his guest and overseer to do the same so his mother had raped by countless Sith and imperials before Rencorth was born. One of the Sith to rape his mother before he was born was pureblood priest named Tong the timing of his birth would suggest that Tong is his father . He grew up knowing nothing but pain and oppression, being forced to watch as beat and raped his mother, she died when he was 13 a few month latter he moved to different part of compound due to constant fights with the overseers there he a female slave who show him kindness and compassion. For the 5 years he grew to love the gril and she fell in love with and one day she told him she was pregnant he know joy for first time in his life a few months as here pregnancy progress and began work more slowly the overseers singled he and began beating her fiercely as she cried in pain begging them to stop Rencorth arrived and heard her scream and the overseers laughing all the hate and rage he known all his come rush back and power burst of rage he shot lighting from figures he began to smile as he heard the overseers scream in agony, when he finally stopped he was horrified to find that not only had killed the over seers but his wife and her unborn child as well the pain and hate he felt were enormous. It just so happen the a guest of his master a Sith inquisitor named Meln happen to be nearby and see this take place he could tell that Rencorth was strong with force and bought from his former freed him and began to teach him the ways of the Sith.



Meln thought basic light saber combat, Sith history the basics of the force, Sith history, Sorcery, and alchemy. He thought him in dark and blood art of Sith interrogation, a mix of agonizing torture, sorcery, science, and manipulation of the mind. Rencorth was impatient at first till he saw patience and careful and meticulous manipulation could bring he watched completely destroy a rival of his and never drew his saber he turned his rival’s own forces against him it was awe-inspiring to him, he began to study any holocron and text he get his hands on. He knew that the political upheaval sweeping the galaxy would leave the old guard weakened and in disarray new powers would rise and he intended to be one of them as he studied the dark side and practice his dark sorcery and alchemy he began to take on physical changes his eyes changed color from a dark brown to glowing orange his skin became paler and traces of his veins in black showed through in places. After his master was killed by a rival Rencorth decided to fully join the Empire and seek admittance to the order of the Sith to continue his training.



Give us an example of what posting with this character would be like. Something in regards to their current state, not past or future please.





Rencorth entered the interrogation cell were the republic agent was being help two Imperial intelligence officer had been given drugs and conventional integration for hours now and getting nowhere as the officer turned to see the hooded figure enter to room Rencorth spoke “Have you been successful, my master and I are growing impatient.” He said in a cold even voice.

The higher rank officer swallowed hard and replied in a somewhat shaky voice no my lord”

Rencorth smiled and said “Perhaps I will succeed were you have so obviously failed.” And what he quick brought hand and shot a short burst of lighting into the Republic agent. Saying “Scream! Weakling I want to her you suffer, tell me what I want to known or I promise you the rest of your existence will be quiet unpleasant.”

The agent shrieked in pain, before replying “never.”

Rencorth let lose another slightly longer burst of lighting from his figures. This repeated itself several times each time Recorth kept the lighting going a little bit longer till finally the agent reveal the sercts he had been hiding, Rencorth turned the to intelligence officer put in the slave pit he prove useful to us latter.” And with that he turned and depart to report to his master.

[Stephen]

Howdy! My name is Stephen and I was asked to do a once over on your character. Keep in mind that the WIP in your title means it's not ready for a review, but since you said in another post that you were waiting on approval, here I am. So here we go.

You should use the preformatted app to do this character. Without the bolding and formatting, it's quite hard to read.

You need a birthplace, Avra it seems according to your bio

appearance :

A tall average build human male / A thin bodied and thin faced man.

Are you thin or are you average build. 200Lbs for 6 foot man isn't terribly thin. Section seems a bit small altogether. Try to add some hints to your mannerisms and movement perhaps.

Personality :

he seeks to know all the sects of the Dark side which why he became a student of Sith sorcery and alchemy.

Sith Alchemy and Sith Sorcery are both banned powers swrponline2.proboards.com/thread/4584 see that thread for more information on banned powers

A former slave who mother was rapped countless Sith and imperials, and latter when discover he could use the force in rage that a guard was beating his pregnant wife

  Personality section shouldn't have history in it. It should just be things that could be reasoned out during a dinner with the character.

slightly impatience at but he is learn to be more patience and to use manipulation to accomplish his goals. 

I hate to be this guy, but I have no idea what this sentence means.
Could use more, also watch that banned list

Under the Force training section you list sense again, is this a special technique in sense?
Force choke, Force sight, Force Persuasion All of these are standard uses of Telekinesis, Sense, and Telepathy Push and pull are both telekinesis as well. I think illusions are sith magic, with is banned

Lightsaber training. You need to have some Shii – Cho. Shii-cho is the basis on which all lightsaber combat is built on.

Biography

Okay, to start out I'm going to address some big issues first with site cannon. First, the sith only appeared about two years ago. So you can't be 28 and entirely sith. Second Pureblood sith have not reappeared in the galaxy as of yet. So they can't be in your backstory. You could in theory change everything to a dark jedi cult of some sort, so I'll continue the review as normal. But keep in mind, this character will not be approved until brought into line with site cannon

Born on Avra he was born a slave as his mother had been since she was born, here master for a low level Sith

I have some questions right off the bat. What is your mothers name? And What does low level sith mean? Is that sith a minor member of the sith, or is he not very powerful?

One of the Sith to rape his mother before he was born was pureblood priest named Tong the timing of his birth would suggest that Tong is his father 

You are the narrator, not your character. You know who your characters father is.

You cut from birth to 13 fairly quickly. How did he survive? They obviously didn't care for him, where did his food come from?

For the 5 years he grew to love the gril and she fell in love with and one day she told him she was pregnant he know joy for first time in his life

What is her name? If you spent five years with her, characterize her. Also, another five years where I don't know how he survives.

Rencorth arrived and heard her scream and the overseers laughing all the hate and rage he known all his come rush back and power burst of rage he shot lighting from figures he began to smile as he heard the overseers scream in agony

Okay so first of all for the rest of this bit here, I'm assuming that after “and rage he know all his” and before “come rush back” there is the word life. Also you aren't shooting lighting out of your figures. Although shooting lighting out of collectible ninja turtle action figures would be sweet. Okay so how was your character, who spends time around sith priests and other sith not noticed to be force sensitive earlier than when he was 17? That seems very strange since force sensitives can sense other force sensitives.

Rencorth was strong with force and bought from his former freed him and began to teach him the ways of the Sith

I don't understand this sentence.

Meln thought basic light saber combat, Sith history the basics of the force, Sith history, Sorcery, and alchemy.

Is history so important as to be repeated? Also I'd like more depth in the training

He thought him in dark and blood art of Sith interrogation, a mix of agonizing torture, sorcery, science, and manipulation of the mind.

Please explain this more. I need a look under the hood of this secret technique before I know what you are doing or learning.

Rencorth was impatient at first till he saw patience and careful and meticulous manipulation could bring he watched completely destroy a rival of his and never drew his saber he turned his rival’s own forces against him it was awe-inspiring to him

How did you learn learn this? Did you destroy rivals? Who were theses rivals?

Rp example:

 “Have you been successful, my master and I are growing impatient.” He said in a cold even voice.

Isn't your master dead?


Overall: Once again I hate to be this guy, but there are enough grammar and spelling issues to make parts of this nearly incomprehensible. It's also too short, with to little emphasis on the characters that are victimized in his history. It would also help if you went more into detail on what your training is. Lastly, if you want to be sith, you have to write a way that you encountered and joined them in the last two years.

[Moonfire]

Still working on this, Rencorth/Renfroew?

[Neology]

Moved to incomplete.