Annastazia Reznik

[Wol]

Annastazia Rezník
.[ n. Ressurection ]. - .[ n. Butcher ].


Sith Order
.Acolyte. .Prosthetics.


.Nagai. - .31. - .Female. .5'9".  .139 lbs.
Hails from .[ Apatros of Apatros of the Savareen Sector ].




.Appearance.
Suave and delicate, yet rough and untamed. Proudly wearing the all too common mask of beauty over a feral personality. Her features are sharp and refined. Offering a stern, commanding appearance even while displaying contradicting emotion. Her skin lacks pigmentation, as well as the common glow behind a natural pale. Stretching flawlessly thin, yet wearing a near translucent quality. The faint hint of vein and muscle can be seen beneath paper thin flesh. Her hair is raven black. Cascading downwards in soft, glistening waves. Thick, full and sprawling over shoulders nearly to her back. Pale eyes lacked the majority of pigmentation as well. Though without such affliction they might have passed for crimson. Pale pink was their colour, amongst silver rings without colour. Tall and lithe, yet she wears graceful curves and shapes. From head to toe, her body is painted in dark patterns and curious designs. Nonsensical in some ways, though often relating to current moods and emotions.

Artificial limb: Perhaps her most prominent feature would be the mechanical leg. Appearing to be severed just above the knee, the majority of the leg is mechanical, and begins at the hip. Crafted with an artistic flare, yet still retaining the appearance of a leg. While the basic structure is relatively plain and barebones, the structure is filled out with and populated by detachable blades that take on a more decorative appearance.

Wardrobe: A fashionista at heart. Preferring elegant, stylish dresses more appropriate for a dinner party than a medical ward or battlefront. An appearance choice that often deludes to a less capable individual, and often times a diplomat or some important personnel. Favouring sheer fabrics and revealing attire. Dark colours and crimson are flavours of choice.


.Personality.
An interesting individual with a lack of trained restraint. While she might appear cool and collected on many occasions, it is often short lived, and visible emotions readily boil beneath pale skin. Quick to anger.. and anger is a truly ugly thing. Selfish, self absorbed, arrogant and confident. The rare noble traits that do surface are often pre courser to things far more foul. Though while extreme personality notes are readily available, the woman might better be remarked as unremarkable, average and insignificant. Without more personal dealings with her, it might be easy to forget entirely about this woman. Despite her bold appearance, blending into a crowd seems a specialty. Particularly when she strives against such a thing.

In her line of work, attention to detail is a requirement, and she certainly does not lack in that department. A perfectionist to a near obsessive degree when it comes to her favoured activities. End results and optimization are very important to her. She might risk the safety and appreciation of a patient to apply her preferred methods to the degree she desires. She has a very creative and artistic side as well. While she might not be comfortable enough to try certain bold flavours for herself, she is more than willing to impose them on others.

Although she might not be outwardly violent, the woman certainly does wear a cruel streak. Torture is a game, others are meant to be insulted, and feelings only exist to be slapped around. She is better than the masses, or so she regards herself.




.Ships/Vehicles.
None


.Equipment.

Lightsaber .  Single phase . Synthetic red
A sturdy, yet an artistic piece of work. Silver and black, with swirling markings etched into metal. A synthetic crystal forges a crimson beam. A thin, spear like black spike fixed to the stabilizing ring adds an extra sharp point.

Compact pouch of surgical and mechanical tools for prosthetic repair

At least a half dozen knives on her person at all times

Artificial Leg . Partially built with detachable blades and knives
In it's most simple, bare form, the leg has no other function to act as a supportive structure for standing. Mechanical would be the best way to describe the limb. Functioning with a very small amount of robotics. A simple knee and ankle joint are the only moving portions of the leg. The supportive structure is fused to bone, and minimal contact points along muscle are triggered by the body's electrical currents to provide smooth operation and a natural stride. As a more decorative quality, a large number of titanium blades fill in a more humanoid shape to the leg. Each of them detachable.



.Stats.
Strength . Average .
Agility . Above average .
Intelligence . Above average .
Charisma . Average .


.Force Stats.
Telekinetic . Novice .
Telepathic . Novice .
Body . Adept .
Sense . Apprentice .
Protection . Unskilled .
Healing . Adept .
Destruction . Apprentice .


.Combat Training.
Close Quarter - Knife fighting . Adept .
Throwing Knives . Adept .
Hand to hand . Apprentice .
Firearms - Marksmanship . Novice .

.Force Training.

Control
Force Speed . Adept .
Recovery Trance . Adept .

Sense
Force Sense . Apprentice .

Alter
Ionize . Adept .
Mind Trick . Apprentice .
Force Choke . Adept .
Force Jump . Apprentice .
Force Lightning . Apprentice .
Force Pull .  Apprentice .
Force Push . Apprentice .
Force Wound . Adept .


.Other Training.
Prosthetics and Robotics . Master .
Acrobatics and Contortion . Expert .
First Aid . Master .


.Lightsaber Training.
Shii-Cho .  Adept .
Makashi . Unskilled .
Soresu . Unskilled .
Ataru . Apprentice .
Shien/Djem So . Unskilled .
>>Sub-form Backhanded . Unskilled .
Niman . Unskilled .
>>Sub-form Jar-kai . Unskilled .
Double Bladed Combat . Unskilled .

.Biography.

Dawn of an unfortunate chapter
Kor was well into his life with a career as a noble businessman. Off-world trinkets and collector items were his trade. Life was good, wife was good, children were typical pain in the rears. Good things don't last long however. Whether it was by coincidence or the will of the force, Kor had one day come into possession of an artifact far more valuable than he had understanding of. Ancient texts describing locations rich in cortosis on several remote planets. But for now that was beside the point. With a taste for adventure, Kor made a decision to leave their beloved home, and family relocated to Tatooine, as it was rumored the resell value for trinkets was particularly substantial. It was quickly learned however that this was not the case, and there was much regret. The Outer Rim Oreworks company had caught wind of just what the artifact Kor had discovered was, and felt it would be beneficial to their own business means, and had contracted a mercenary to retrieve such an object. Although Kor had acquired it legally, the ORO claimed it to be theft from their own collection. For imagined crimes, Kor was fined with a rather substantial amount of credits with the option to repay the debt by working as a miner. "Work" near immediately turned into slavery, adding one of the most cliché and classic beginnings to our story. To further aid in the repaying of the so called debt, Kor's wife Reiko was snatched from their Tattooine home, along with their two young children.

Having been living a comfortable and relatively luxurious life, mine work did not agree with the foreign family. Living off less than a liveable wage turned the family against each other. Taking on a more self serving role, with little love for marriage bonds. Unable to sustain themselves, the two children were sold as true slaves to a more wealthy mine employee. Never to be heard of again, with no note as to their wellbeing. When Reiko discovered that Kor had sold their children without her knowledge, she was distraught. What little love that was left between the two quickly extinguished. Although they were made to occasionally work together, associating with one another was in the interests of neither.

Work was a difficult thing, and it changed the Nagai couple. Hardening Kor into a self sufficient, and even cruel man. Reiko on the other hand continued deteriorating to little more than a lifeless husk. Years later, Kor received word that his debt was possibly nearing it's end. Truthfully, such a thing would never come to pass. However with the man so taken by this small glimmer of hope, he sought out Reiko to celebrate. The woman wanted nothing to do with her former husband. Though a good mood for the first time in years would not be turned away so easily, and thus a child was conceived.

Eventually, Kor came to know the error in his ways, and was taken by grief and anguish. He had destroyed himself and his family. With such consuming emotion, Kor took his own life. Although Reiko lived, she carried no love for such a state. Cursing the child that she carried, and further deteriorating to a hateful, malicious woman. When the child was born, the most Reiko could do was name it. Reznikov, son of a butcher. The pale little child was left to die in the streets with nothing more than the name painted across her chest.

By some stroke of luck, another mine worker found the infant before she expired. Taking her home, and nursing her back to health. Though the worker could not keep her, for he did not have the resources. Too young to sell, there were few options presented. Risking trespassing, the miner snuck himself into the private quarters of one of the mine administrators that was known for a kinder heart. The administrator was disgusted to find the creature dropped into her chambers, though she lacked the cold heart to have it killed. Caring for it only long enough, until a shuttle could be arranged to transport the child to an orphanage on the planet Rodia, where the administrator hailed from.


Annie
Although the orphanage was not a terrible place, it was occupied in majority by children whom had been abandoned, were of the 'special' quality, and of the unpleasant sort of society cast offs. Too young to be aware that she occupied an unpleasant place, though the harassment she received was still easily felt. Moody, frustrated, and constantly in tears with rough hands, harsh words and the pestering of older children. The first few years of her life left little Reznikov ever angry. Stubborn, grudging, rude and even violent. Given the name Annie, much to her 'delight'. Later even earning the nickname Annie the Butcher, as she had a tendency to kill and mutilate small animals and birds.

Amongst the cast offs of society, force sensitive children and those with some potential seemed abundant. Shady characters turned up every year to take an orphan away, mixed in with proper potential parents. While these shady characters were viewed with much suspicion from orphanage administrators, the children found them to be fascinating. Looking forwards to and anticipating their next visit, for a child was surely to be whisked off to a secret life of adventure. Though visit after visit, Annie was not stolen away to some fantasy life, and each year she grew more distraught by her lack of being chosen. Though fortune favors the patient.. not that Annie ever was.. and one day the young girl found herself in the loving arms of a new 'parent'. Whom just so happened to be a single father with no real love for children, interested in using the orphan girl as a servant.


A work in progress
Much to her distaste, Annie received no special treatment whatsoever. The Nagai found herself charged with more menial tasks and servant's work than the fantasy training she so desired, making her an unpleasant child to deal with. Sergei was an unpleasant human as well. Greasy, unwashed, terrible teeth and a foul attitude. A man who had once trained with Jedi as a new padawan, though had very quickly fallen from grace. Entirely unskilled in all of his methods, though his theories and stories certainly were of value. He often kept Annie motivated in what was essentially slavery with the promise of force training, but it was many years before he ever made an attempt. It certainly did not help that her force sensitivity was not quite as well tuned as a number of other children that had been her age and younger, and progress was slow. While Sergei was not exactly a role model, his teachings were surprisingly sound... if one had an affinity for the dark side. It also helped that the man had a very large number of unsavory connections. The servant girl eventually turned into something of an experiment. Sergei making it his goal to train Annie in ways of the force, to use her skill for his own purposes.

Her first lightsaber was constructed masterfully with a natural talent for engineering, despite the shoddy requirements. Equipped with a gifted crystal. Though such a thing seemed awkward to the girl, and she would spend large amounts of time through her life perfecting the design and constantly making minute changes.

It would be years later that Annie finally seemed to be making any real progress. Perhaps it was a certain training session that just 'clicked', or some epiphany which lead to a far more educated understanding of things. Or so she believed at first. Finding her niche had been the trick, science and robotics now fueled her motivation and willpower. Strength, and mastery over techniques that simply did not suit her were quickly shelved for a more intelligent, intimate approach to her training. No longer interested in outranking her trainer Sergei, her interests were focused entirely upon sciences, Much to Sergei's disappointment. An opportunistic man however, and Annie's science and robotics projects were often sold for decent prices. Though the fact she had not turned out to be a masterfully skilled warrior kept Sergei with a strong distaste for the orphan girl.

Annie had a natural talent for all things robotics. A keen, and detail oriented mind. Mathematics and numbers were simple, and biology just seemed to make easy sense. Although she would not neglect other training, Annie certainly considered herself more of a lab geek than a warrior. A few short years later, the Nagai was sold to a pureblood descendant named Dhasias, whom was a part of a branch of the Imperial Reclamation Services, who specialized in biomechanic artifacts. This was her first introduction to life in the Sith Order.

Master and apprentice had little in common, and further training was a long uphill battle. Though they did find a common ground with their interest in artifacts and mechanical constructs. Much of their life was spent travelling and on the go, although Annie often found herself left behind in the lab to pick apart retrieved artifacts. Though it was a slow, uneasy relationship, Annie and Dhasias did eventually learn to work together. Even have potentially have formed a friendship. Though the two agreed that careers were far more valuable than friendship, and Annie found herself seduced into the  service of a new man.

The change in assignment left Annie under the tutelage of a new master. Magnus Ronar. An Iridonian with a keen mind for all the things Annie appreciated. Biology and robotics. An old man whom had once been a well respected warrior within the Sith Order. Although age and injury had now for the most part confined him to lab and infirmary tasks. Master and apprentice quickly found common ground between the two of them, and easily forged a bond. Or at least to the vague definition of the word. Ronar was not a kind man however, and Annie often found herself bloodied by his hands and temper. With his own passion for biomechanics, Annie was frequently the subject in a huge variety of tests ranging from verbal input, to outright torture. Although the man constantly left her in fits of rage and hatred, the Nagai somehow still retained an affinity for the man, and a deep amount of respect. Their line of work revolved around the medical wards of the Sith empire.


Anastazia Reznik
By this time, Annie's lightsaber looked nothing like it's original version. Poked and prodded at until she did eventually find a design that she considered to be perfect, with a few non-standard enhancements. A piece of work to mimic her skill in engineering.

Although she was not a particularly social woman, the years had Annie with far more confidence and self worth. Immersed in lab work constantly, and engaged in activities that quickly furthered her career and knowledge. Arrogant, even. It would take many years of hard work and practice to be able to call herself a master of the trade. Ten years locked in a lab might be enough to drive anyone crazy, but Annie enjoyed every moment of it. Every moment of dissecting living beings to study biomechanics, creating mechanical structures and artificial limbs for a huge variety of species and names of notable importance. Even sewing her own flesh back together after 'tutelage' by her master. Artificial enhancements to bodies were not at all foreign to her, though limb reconstruction was her full on fantasy.

In learning of such fantasies, Ronar would put her work to the ultimate test. Instructing the Nagai to amputate one of her own limbs and replace it with a constructed limb instead. Although initially the order was appalling, Annie was quick to begin work on what would be her own arm. Putting an extensive amount of effort and skill into her work. Though nearing the completion of the project, the master found himself impatient. Although it might have been a planned maneuver, Annie would forever retain the impression that it had been little more than a fit of rage and an affinity for violence that cost her a leg instead. While she was not unskilled in combat, years in a lab had done nothing for fighting skills, and the Nagai quickly found one of her legs torn apart in a particularly brutal fashion.

While Annie was forced to alter her current arm project, her anger towards what had happened made a rather hefty influence into her work. No longer interested in simply masking synthetics as real flesh, the Nagai would wear her ailment proudly. Weaving blades and a raw, unfinished look into the limb where synthetic flesh had originally been meant. Although it would not wear the originally intended coverings, it still retained the rough shape of a proper leg with each of it's detachable blades making up part of the structure. A bare, skeletal thing without the blades. Crafting a new name of Anastazia for herself, rather than the much loathed Annie.

Her practices certainly would not shift away from biomechanics and limb reconstruction, though with renewed motivation, skills in combat would no longer be neglected. Spending the next part of her life with equal interests in combat and force training, as well as robotics. Over the years, she too would become a formidable fighter with a very strong connection to the force, as well as a skilled engineer. Her birth name of Reznikov would be shortened to her childhood nickname. Leaving her where she is today. Still under the tutelage of Magnus Ronar. Annastazia Reznik. Resurrection butcher.

.Roleplay Sample.

Dawn. Dawn was an acceptable hour. An acceptable hour to sleep in. Anna rolled over amongst thin sheets that clothed her bed. Silken and luxurious. Long, inky black hair pooled across her pillow as her face was mashed down into it. Grinding her teeth with building irritation. As always, she had woken only moments before an alarm. Instinctively, a thin arm would be extended out to her side to hover over the little buzzer in preparation to drive the heel of her palm into the off button. Every morning was the same though dawn took the form of digits, rather than sun's rotation ninety percent of the year.

Alarm dealt with, the Nagai would remain still for several moments longer. Gathering her strength, and clearing her mind. Even though the act of waking was something she found with a heavy distaste for, morning was one of her favourite times of the day. A new, fresh start with renewed energy. The day would bring new challenges and tests, and the thought was already building Anna's excitement. Rolling out of bed came in a very literal form. Naked and prone on the floor for several more minutes before gaining her feet. Dressing herself with an expensive taste.. which was really all for naught, as the lab coat she wore would conceal the majority of her outfit.

Clothing, bedsheets and all things mechanical seemed to be her interests with a glance about her bed chamber. A surprisingly small room, only large enough to store feminine belongings in a cramped style. Articles of note hung and displayed far more neatly than others, while more common household items wore none of the craftsmanship and expense her favoured items did.

A cup of caf would be brewing as the groggy Sith dressed. Thick hair pinned to a messy bun. The dye of her characteristic markings had nearly faded enough to paint on a new pattern. Though until then, it would be filling in the light grey with a Kohl black temporary paint. The most lengthy process of her morning routine, though not one she was required to do very often, as the black dye that stained her flesh lasted months before fading.

Caf consumed, and mug washed out. The cup had been a gift from her old master Dhasias, and was not something she neglected. Quarters tidied with a military precision, and the Nagai would be on her way. Back to the lab, and into another day of learning and study. A state that would never end.

[Wol]

That took a while~ Ready for review !

[DreadPirateMike]

And the review also takes awhile!  Sorry about that, but onward and upward, as they say!  So, let's get started!

Name-Rank: This is all okay.  Artistically out of order, you rebel you.     But still okay.  The race in question is an interesting choice, given their extra-galactic origins.  But Wookiepedia tells me they WERE technically around in the galaxy at this point, so it's cool.  And speaking of artistic expression...

Appearance: My lizard brain is conflicted, torn between disturbed and oddly aroused.  And mind you, the fact that I just watched Terminator probably puts a couple points in the "disturbed" column.  Anyway, scary but hot.  Very Sith.  Thumbs up to Cyborg Chic! 

Personality: Now, I get a little confused here on account of some contradictory statements.  You describe her as quick to anger and lacking in restraint, but you also describe volatile emotions boiling beneath a cool and collected veneer.  Isn't that restraint right there?  Tempestuous and forgettable are also traits that don't so much belong together.  I'd recommend streamlining this just a little.  That's just the first paragraph, though.  After that is fine.

And overall, I'm not sure I'm seeing the "charismatic" in any of this. She seems like an inconsistently well-behaved sociopath.  Which, don't me wrong, I have no problem with at all.  That's the consummate cerebral Sith to me, right there!  But where is her talent for making friends and influencing people?  Even if she has no actual desire for friendship, charisma means having a way with people.

Equipment: Lightsaber's gorgeous.  If you don't mind, though, let's just leave off the cortosis bit?  I'm not SURE if this would technically violate the restriction rule on pure cortosis, but if it doesn't actually short out a lightsaber, I don't see any real impact on a fight anyway.  Simple is usually the way to go on things like this.

Stats: I'm fine with everything here except the charisma score.  For reasons stated above, I can't really see justification for anything above average charisma at present.  But again, just a little more in the Personality section can get this back up!

Force Stats: Again, I'm fine with every category save one.  Namely, the Healing ability.  I can certainly see how a talent for Force Healing might be useful in her line of work, but Healing is a Light Side power, requiring Light Side attunement.  It's the flip side of how it would require extensive explanation for an un-fallen Jedi to have skill in Destruction.  And despite no apparent taste for drinking kitten blood, Ms. Reznik is very much a Dark Sider.  

Combat Training: I'll get into a little more detail on this below, but at present, I'm not sure I can see justification for Master level skill with knives.  I get that it's sort of her thing, being that she's a walking knife block, but there's just not enough training described yet.  For most of her career to date, while there WAS combat training, it wasn't remotely her focus.  True, she's focused more on that in recent years, but you don't actually specify how long she's been working at it in earnest, and it's STILL split between that and her scientific pursuits.

Again, you can get there with more bio explanation, but at present, I can't really see justification for better than Adept.  MAAAAAYE Expert, depending on what you do with her more traditional Sith talents.  Which brings us to...

Force Training: Okay.  Sorry to say, but this list needs to be trimmed down.  Way down.  There's no OFFICIAL limit on specialized Force skills, but you need to keep in mind, they're like lightsaber skills.  Learning this stuff takes dedicated study, and time.  A character of Annastazia's age shouldn't realistically have more than 2 or 3.

But here's the good news!  You'll get to keep a bunch of these anyway, because a fair few don't actually require listing.  They're what we call "Assumed" powers, or in other words, fairly common applications of the general Force powers covered under Force Stats.  I have gone over everything you listed, checked them against their Wookiepedia articles, and would describe the following as stuff that can just be hand waved without issue.  I'll break it down by category for convenience, the same way you did.

Control:
Art of Movement
Force Speed
Recovery Trance

Sense:
Force Sense
Precognition
Force Empathy
Force Sight

Alter:
Mind Trick
Force Choke
Force Fear *
Force Jump
Force Lightning
Force Pull
Force Push
Force Wound*

And there you have it!  As you consider her Force Skills, you can disregard these.  I highlighted Force Fear and Force Wound simply because, while I can see these as simply being somewhat more precise uses of telepathy and telekinesis, they WOULD require some decent skill in those respective disciplines.  Force Fear, for instance, would require better than the Novice Ranking she has right now.  An Adept level in telekinesis, I think would be adequate for Force Wound, but at a price.  Without true expertise in TK, this would mean she's a lot better at precision than raw power.  So, while she could, with some concentration, focus on a specific target like someone's heart, she'd have a lot more trouble flinging people around the room with her mind.

And then, there are the powers that should be omitted from consideration for other reasons.

- Force Healing and Revitalize are Healing powers, which, again, don't fit a Sith.

- Shatterpoint and Darkshear (AKA Spear of Midnight Black) are banned powers.  Sorry, but dems the rules.  

Regarding Shatterpoint specifically though, since you put a degree of explanation into that one, what you describe doesn't actually sound so much like Shatterpoint anyway.  Shatterpoint is a much more esoteric ability, enabling the practitioner to suss out weaknesses in just about anything.  Bulkheads, events, whatever.  Annastazia just has a better understanding of prosthetic limbs, and is therefore better than most at taking them apart.  If you want a power that could be used to attack a droid limb in a fight, it seems to me that Ionize would do that just fine, and with fewer qualifiers.

So, let's move on!  

Other Training: A OKAY.

Lightsaber Training: Same problem as we had with the Force Powers.  You describe a character who's never made combat her primary focus, yet she has skill in every single saber style.  Simply put, Annie just hasn't had either the time, or the focus to learn anywhere near what you have here.  

First of all, Juyo should be eliminated right off the bat.  By site rules, a character needs to have outright mastered three other styles, including Shii-Cho, to even begin training in Form VII, and she's just not QUITE old enough to have gotten that far in her training, even if that had been her focus.  

So...it looks like you want to make this character a Makashi fencer more than anything else?  I'd say knock that down from Specialist to Master, since Specialist implies that a character has spent considerable time and energy making excellence in that style their primary focus.  And since a Master rating in any other style requires being Adept in Shii-Cho, keep that one too.  And, say, Apprentice level at one other style of your choosing.

You are, of course, entirely free to distribute this across more styles if I'm mis-reading what you want to to with the character as a duelist.  But that, overall, is the most I can see her managing to this point.

Biography: Okay, so this section will be a little on the short side, at least for this cursory review, simply because there are a few issues to be addressed that come up relatively early on, and they sort of affect everything after that.

The Outer Rim Oreworks company was however very familiar with such a thing, and had contracted a mercenary to retrieve such an object. Although it had been acquired legally, the ORO claimed it to be theft. For imagined crimes, Kor was fined with a rather substantial amount of credits with the option to repay the debt by working as a miner.

Okay, so, a couple of things here.  How exactly did ORO pull this off?  Framed him somehow?  Bought off the local authorities?  I admit, I wasn't really familiar with this particular corporation until I read up on them, and they certainly seem scummy enough for a strong-arming like this, but how did they have the power to do it?  They've certainly got a tight grip on planets they've actually settled, but the Nagai don't live on the Outer Rim.  Firefist is technically another galaxy entirely, one which seems largely unexplored, given that the Nagai don't really seem to become hugely significant until after the time of the movies.  I'm a little iffy on ORO even having a presence out that far, much less the clout for this.  I might suggest Kor and family having settled in the Outer Rim for this to make a little more sense?

Either way, though, I'd definitely like to know what this item actually is.  Even aside from the vagueness, ORO is a mining concern.  What's their interest in this artifact?

Now, after THAT, it's fine for awhile.  Unloved rape baby (If I interpreted that right.) left to die, and then shipped off to an orphanage.  Rather a grisly start to life, and the perfect brew of anger and resentment to one day produce a Sith.  It's when we get to the orphanage years that we hit the next, and the biggest road block.

Though with questionable natures, jedi had less of a tendency to frequent such a place for members of the next generation. The same however could not be said about the Sith Academy. The majority of the children here were ripe with emotions and personalities that were more suited to Sith.

Not quite sure I understand the reasoning here.  If the Jedi knew of this place, knew that Force Sensitive children lived in an environment likely to produce just the sort of anger and anti-social tendencies that would one day produce Annastazia, wouldn't that just give them MORE incentive to get them out of there, excepting the ones who'd already grown past the cut off age?

But that's the lesser problem with this.  At the time Annie was born, the Sith Order was dead and gone.  Fell victim to infighting, and then the Jedi obligingly finished the job.  It's only within the last 3 years in game they they've made a comeback.  And even if there WAS a Sith Academy back then, they could never have openly sent representatives to Rodia, a Republic world.  So, obviously, everything from this point on is going to require some edits.  No Academy training, no apprenticeship to a Darth until recently, and so on.

The Sith (Initially in name only.) Empire HAD been founded by then, though.  And while there was tension with the Republic from the start, open hostilities are also a recent development.  So, agents of a legitimate, if foreign government could have taken her on, if she'd garnered their interest in some way.  And while confirmation of Dark Jedi operating within the Empire only took place within the past decade, those guys have been coming out of the woodwork for decades.  Just read any number of other Sith bios to see that!  Maybe whoever grabbed her out of that orphanage was one of them, or working for one who'd secured a position of influence.  So, you may be able to make most of this work, with some alterations.  Education in the sciences, Dark Side mentor...just can't be the Sith.  Not until you get to the last few years.

So, I'll leave off there for now.  Once you've worked out what you want to do with this, I'll of course give the bio a more thorough review.  


Roleplay Sample: I like!  If you should feel so moved in the course of your other edits, I'd be very curious to get a taste of how she interacts with an NPC or something, give me a better sense of her demeanor in company.  But I won't require it, as I'd say this has given me a decent look at your writing style.  Well done!  

And that's it for now!  Lot of stuff here, I know.  Force apps can be a tad difficult on this site; I certainly found them a bit daunting when I first joined.  But I'm stern because I care!     You've got a solid, very interesting character concept here, and I want to see her brought to life!  So don't be discouraged!  Give it some thought, don't hesitate to PM me if you need any help, and let me know when your lovely lady is ready for a second look!

[Neology]

Are you still working on this, Wol?

[Wol]

Yessssssss. I seem to be uber slow at it though. Can move it to inactive while I bash my face on keyboard and hope for something good to come out

Also Ty for the review Mrpiratesir. UPDATES SOON !

[Neology]

Moved to incomplete. Let me know when you'd like her moved back, Wol-buddy

[Wol]

Hello long time no see~ I did a thing !

Touched up the personality notes to make her a little more believable.

Done away with the fancy lightsaber cortosis. It was a cool idea, but.. this now serves the exact same purpose.

Did a huge nerf on the majority of her stats. I had originally intended this character to be much more powerful, though I would rather roleplay out the next stages of this character, to gain the ranks I'd first intended. So rolling things back to make them more believable with her story.

Shatterpoint was really cool- and at the time I was convinced what I had wrote was accurate to the ability- but looking back at it now.. not so much, hah.

Goodbye Sith academy. Did a bit more touching up on the history also.

And she's ready for review round number 2, WOO.

[Dutch]

Moved to Pending

Review to come soon

[Rugs]

Dearest Wol, still waiting for a look at this? :3

[Wol]

I ams

[Fromikeable]

eyo wol wuz gud cuz how u been was new was fresh u diggin it good or hardly diggin lol jk u fine anyway gon drop u a review cuz should be quik den u b good lol yo u feel me?

… *ahem* Uh, I mean… it’s review time! Huzzah!

Just to keep myself nice and brief, INCOMING BULLET POINTS. TAKE COVER.

• Jumping straight to the Bio, it’s a good read. Brutal, what with the mining slavery, the limb being “brutally torn” off her body, and the the blade in her leg, but… good!
  
  Idon’tneedtherapyoranything,thesearemanlytearsofmanlinesssohush.
  
  I’ve only two things to touch on. First, how exactly is Ronar involved with the Sith Order? You mention the guy before him, Dhasis, being in the Imperial Reclamation Services, but you never explicitly state if Magnus is part of the Order, or if Anna is officially his apprentice, or… what. It’s not much of a problem, I just need some clarification that the guy’s a Sith indeed, or more specifically, the exact moment that Anna’s brought into the fold.
  
  The other thing is the cybernetics. Now I know, I’m the tech guy, but I won’t harp on this. Cybernetics are definitely a big part of Star Wars, and I won’t be so ignorant as to go saying people can’t have them. With that said, I will just make sure you know that they’re a big hassle. Cybernetics require lots of maintenance; we’re talking like a good hour of dedicated attention every day when their beholder gets up in the morning. Given Anna’s proficiency with the field and considering she built the thing herself, I imagine she knows the in’s and out’s of it all, but I’m just stating that it is a very big part of her life.
  
  That all said, I won’t ask for a tech review of it, but could we get a little more info on the leg itself in the Appearance section? You mention detachable blades; are we talking, like, one or two vibrodaggers, or are we talking like a collapsable vibrosword?
• Jumping back up, Appearance looks stellar, Personality looks ace, and I adore the saber and your Equipment section.
• The only bits that I really need some imperative changes to are the stats. The Stats themselves are fine, but I’d like the Force Stats to take a few hits, considering how broadly it’s spread out. I’d feel best if we could lose one of those Adepts and maybe sneak in an “Untrained”. I just didn’t seen tons about Force training in the bio, save for Sergei teaching her something every once in awhile. She doesn’t seem to get steady training focused on force stuff at any point beside that.
• Some rapid fire for the Force Powers:
  
  Force Speed’s really just a base power for the Body stat, so it can go. So is Sense, Choke, Jump, Pull, and Push.
  
  As for the rest, these are all pretty specialized powers. I can appreciate that they’re all pretty low-ranked, but the analogy we always use is to compare them to saber techniques; they’re super specialized and take a good deal of time to learn. I’d say pick your favorite two, considering Anna’s focus seems to be more on powers than forms.
• Speaking of which, the saber stats have got to come down a fair bit as well. I get that she started focusing on combat more after the whole “hey pops thanks for sawing my leg off with a gorramn lightsword, ya’ jerk”, but considering she’s not had much in the way of formal training, she’s probably about on-parr with a new Jedi Knight in terms of saber stuff. I’d say pick a form to be Adept at (probably Shii-Cho), pick a second to be Apprentice at (make it a second Adept if you add in a little more about just how hard she trained post-limb-loss), and then work on adding more over the coming time. You’d be surprised how well people can get by with an Adept scoring, especially if they’ve got a second form in reserve.

And with that, I’ll stop bugging you. Lemmie know when you’ve got that covered; once she’s approved, I’d love to have a thread with her!

[Wol]

Woo, a review! Mucho excitingo.

Added a line or two more to the bio- Dhasias was a sith lady, as was Ronar. Her first exposure to the sith order was through the reclamation services.

The appearance section actually already had a good bit on the finer points of the leg- but I've added a secondary paragraph to the equipment section to make it more clear. There isn't much cybernetics involved. I'm thinking more.. ball joint style artificial legs like we have in our modern world. The blades are made out of titanium. Nothing really special about them. They're just sharp. But she has definitely got the personality to spend half a day, every day, putting nailpolish on metal toes and doing maintenance. I'm not sure I'm conveying it correctly but.. it is just not the sort of thing I can see requiring much more than a bit of monthly tune ups.

Bumped a bunch of force stats down 1-2 levels. yer right!

If it's possible, I'd like to keep the basic things listed on the app? The jump, push pull-- I look at my own app very often, and it is a good reference for me. I'm a very visual person, haha.

Totally removed 6 of the force stats, and bumped some of them down another level as well.

Goodbye all the lightsaber forms ever~

And I think that's a wrap! Whee.

[Fromikeable]

If the leg's more of a prosthetic than it is an actual cybernetic limb, then I'll bow to you on it. Just my inner-nature trying to define cybernetics, I fear. Forgive me.

That said, everything looks up to snuff and wonderful now. My only remaining demands are that a cheese wheel the size of Manhattan, the world's shiniest oyster, and precisely 12.4219 midgets dressed in polka dots dancing the Macarena be summoned to my lair such that I might use them to forever more influence international politics and instate the great and powerful Zuul as-

... Imean, uh... u gud cuz lol nice stuff 2awesome ignore me im nuts roflmao

APPROVED

Accepted Stats:

.Stats.
Strength . Average .
Agility . Above average .
Intelligence . Above average .
Charisma . Average .


.Force Stats.
Telekinetic . Novice .
Telepathic . Novice .
Body . Adept .
Sense . Apprentice .
Protection . Unskilled .
Healing . Adept .
Destruction . Apprentice .


.Combat Training.
Close Quarter - Knife fighting . Adept .
Throwing Knives . Adept .
Hand to hand . Apprentice .
Firearms - Marksmanship . Novice .


.Force Training.

Control
Force Speed . Adept .
Recovery Trance . Adept .

Sense
Force Sense . Apprentice .

Alter
Ionize . Adept .
Mind Trick . Apprentice .
Force Choke . Adept .
Force Jump . Apprentice .
Force Lightning . Apprentice .
Force Pull . Apprentice .
Force Push . Apprentice .
Force Wound . Adept .


.Other Training.
Prosthetics and Robotics . Master .
Acrobatics and Contortion . Expert .
First Aid . Master .


.Lightsaber Training.
Shii-Cho . Adept .
Makashi . Unskilled .
Soresu . Unskilled .
Ataru . Apprentice .
Shien/Djem So . Unskilled .
>>Sub-form Backhanded . Unskilled .
Niman . Unskilled .
>>Sub-form Jar-kai . Unskilled .
Double Bladed Combat . Unskilled .

[Wol]

Awe yis! 10 months later, and now I shall get back to posting!
Thank you for the reviews, good sirs/madams.