Sora

[stoof]

Name:
Sora Mamoru

Race:  
Human

Age:
16

Birthplace:
Nar Shaddaa

Allegiance:
sith empire

Status:
sith initiate 

Rank:
student (on the edge of acolyte) 

Height/Weight:
5.10 (178 cm)  / 172lbs (78 KG)

Appearance: 

Sora a 5.10 teenage boy of 16 years old. he has a bit of round face with a small scar going across his right eyebrow and cheek,and his eye color seems to be grey-blue that looks fierce yet lazy in general. His hair is black, with the sides of his head shaved, forming a mohawk out of the hair at the top of his head, tapering off into a point at the nape of his neck

he has a athletic build which he shows off with a slim fit white tank top most of the time that goes pretty tight around his body but is also pretty stretchy so he could move easily in it. around his legs there is a pair of black faded jeans with under it a pair of black leather military boots that is for protection of his ankles and grip that comes of the the soles of the boots although what he wears now is just for in the summer. in the autumn and spring a red zipped hoodie goes over his upper body and white tank top and in the winter the hoodie gets changed to a black with red lining leather jacket with a sith empire flag sewed on his left upper arm.


If you would just look at him at a distance you would see him as a disinterested person who just does what every he likes although when you look him in his fierce looking eyes it is like you could see the sadist that is hidden inside of him like a demon that is trapped in his eyes without even himself knowing it is there although that demon only really comes out when he gets mad at someone.


His stance is mostly pretty simple lazy mostly towards his laziness since mostly his thumbs are in his pockets leaving his arms hang like a noodles next to him while he legs are slightly bend 

Personality: 
Sora is very rebellious towards authority figures, but laid-back to anyone else. Living on the periphery of society and caught between two worlds, he feels like an outcast. Young and angry, but with a quick wit and black humor. He has no fear, and no respect for authority. 

On the other side Sora has a huge heart beneath the rough interior making sure when someone gets close to him they while never get harmed by anyone else then himself. Although he is nice to people he is still straight forwards towards them saying it when someone does something he doesn’t like. 

In lessons Sora  is as lazy as can be. Not doing his homework, Having his feet on his desk. That kind of stuff. Although he manages to get to finish since he studies in another way than most people he doesn’t study through books he studies through examination and trying new things also finding new ways to do stuff which isn’t always fashioned by the masters

Ships/Vehicles:
jet board

Equipment:
light saber (magenta color ) 

Stats: 

Strength -average

Agility - above average

Intelligence -below average

Charisma- average 

Force Stats: 

Telekinetic-apprentice

Telepathic- apprentice

Body- adept

Sense- novice

Protection- novice

Healing:– unskilled

Destruction–apprentice 

Combat Training: 

hijkata: apprentice

Force Training: 

force push/ pull: apprentice

force grip: novice

force speed: apprentice

force jump/ leap: adept

saber throw: novice

Other Training: 

jet boarding: expert

low-g gymnastics: adept

engineering small ships: novice


multi language 
Binary: adept
high galactic: adept
huttese novice
twi'leki: apprentice 

Lightsaber Training: 

Shii-Cho-adept

Makashi-untrained

Soresu-untrained

Ataru-untrained

Shien/Djem So-novice

>>Sub-form Backhanded- apprentice

Niman- untrained

>>Sub-form Jar-kai- untrained

Juyo- untrained

Double Bladed Combat- untrained

Biography: 
Sora grew up in Nar Shaddaa with his mother and father who both were smugglers although after they got Sora they couldn't really travel allot anymore since one of them had to take care of Sora so mostly his dad the pilot of the ship went to do the jobs. Ones in a while Sora got restless when his dad went away on a trip like he could see what was happening there or when it got dangerous when he was sleeping 

Slowly when Sora got 3 years old they could take him with on the jobs meaning they all where smuggling. They saw this as a opportunity to make Sora things at a young age so everything came natural. They  teaches him the small survival things like basic hand to hand combat, reading, writing, different languages ( Binary, high galactic, huttese and twi'leki) and basic survival in space ships and planets putting him in small physical challenges like push-ups and running labs

At the age of 5 Sora went to a boardingschool in Nar Shaddaa and with the school he started to do 2 sports he could choose from he choose low gravity gymnastics and Hijkata because they both sounded like fun. With low-g gymnastics he learned full body control making his body spin in the air without a problem and landing on his feet which could be great for when he had to run away from something using the agility he got from there to use to his advantage and get over obstacles quickly. His body wasn't the only thing he was training with this he was also training force reflexes unintentionally since the reflexes he had to use to catch the high or the bars of the bridge he to be challenged every time he did something with allot of flips and spins slowly starting to learn the way of the force without knowing it

With Hijkata Sora started to learn the basic of hand to hand combat and the ways to counter strikes since the sport was based at countering challenging his reflexes even more and that together with the force his strikes slowly became more powerful. But that wasn't the only thing slowly he started the flexibility and body control he got from low-g gymnastics combining with the skills he got from Hijkata slowly developing his own fighting style that is way more acrobatic with quick grabs and quick strikes although it looked more it belonged more into the movies he could pull them off having a fighting style with a bit more flair to it. 

Although when he got a break from school he had to go on smuggling jobs with his parents since they had no one to take care of him. Although with one smuggling Job Sora found the sport Jetboarding with was practiced on Jerrilik although it was practiced on water Sora Asked his father who was good at engineering to help him make is also that he could use it at home between the speeders. His Dad and him started working on it and they placed two extra engines under the board that could make it hover strong enough to carry Sora on it while he was riding it even when he got older and heavier. Although that wasn't the only thing that must happen they also had to replace the water jet engine with a real jet engine so it could fly away without being in the water. To finish everything off Sora attached a pair of straps on it so he could strap his feet onto the board with a automatic tighten and loosen system so he could jump off when ever he needed to. Sora didn't had to practice for to long with it since it was fairly simple since the board went where over the nose was pointed  at. He used his front foot mostly for pushing it down and his back foot for pushing it up. Steering he mostly that with his feet in combination with leaning .

When Sora reached the age of 10 years old he got ones again on a smuggle with his parents only he didn't knew it would be the last one for them since the got caught  by the imperial forces for smuggling weaponry for the Hutt cartel. Everyone on the ship got arrested so even Sora got arrested for smuggling although they placed Sora in a special holding cell since he pushed a guard away without touching him making a simple force push out of reaction not know how he did it he only knew he was angry at the guard. At that moment Sora found out he had something special although he didn't knew really what he only wanted to do more so everytime after every meal Sora used the fork he got with it to train it starting out with calmly pushing it although the push become slowly harder and harder

When Sora got 14 years old they still kept him in his cell although they kept him alive for so long so he could be send a slave to korriban to go to the sith academy where he could learn to be a sith and they ways of the force. Sora took the opportunity to be a sith with both hands and got send towards the sith academy of Korriban where he learns his ways of the force and still is right now at the age of 16 waiting in hope a master would take him under his wing to train him further

Roleplay Sample:
The sun was slowly setting down in Korriban making the sky be colored with the orange and purple tones that the sun made through the sky. A figure was running over the grass fields of the fields making a black silhouette of his 5.10 feet tall or 178 centimeters. The silhouette revealed a athletic muscle built while although like this would only be visible if you looked against the sun. If you would stand with your back against the sun you would see this person was the Sith Student Sora. Running the fields with nothing else on but a pair of shoes and a pair of soccer pants revealing his full athletic muscle built of his upper body and lower legs.

After running a few laps around the  training field Sora runs towards the middle of the field where his shirt lays on the grass and a bottle of water. He calmly grabs the bottle of water while breathing heavy before he drinks some out of it and throwing some water over his head to cool him off a bit. He started sit next to his shirt on the ground while the water that he just poured over himself was sliding over his body calmly going over the outlines of his muscles making it shine a bit and op out a bit more


He walks calmly towards the trainings dummies that are standing a bit further while he pointed with his handpalm towards his lightsaber that was laying on his shirt. The light saber shoots towards his hand using a simple force pull on it. When the hilt got catched by his right hand he would stand about twenty feet away from 3 dummies standing next to each other each 3 feet apart. The lightsaber calmly ignites from the hilt revealing a magenta colored beam coming out it.his stance was a little bit lazy because he was standing straight and his arms are hanging beside his body,He narrows his eyes a bit before he runs towards the dummy on the right side but keeps between the dummy on the right and the dummy in the middle, he makes a small swing that cuts the dummy on the right in the neck , he cuts it so far the head would be hanging sideways on the skin, right after he cutted the dummy he makes a long twist with his body. At 180 degrees of the twist he was facing the back of the dummy in the middle. he can cuts the dummy in the middle, that cut would go over the back of the dummy diagonal down from the left shoulder until the right hip, he twist further to reach the last dummy on the left . While he was twisting further and twisted his lightsaber in his hand so he could make a backwards stab right through the dummy coming out at center upperbody before he calmly shoved the saber out of the dummies body and withdraws is  hanging it on the side of his shorts.


He walked back to his stuff that laid on the ground while he lets out a small sigh and started to sit next to it while he stared at the sky. He was training most of the time to become stronger but it always felt like he was missing something like a adrenaline rush or maybe it was something else something deeper more leaning towards the light side of the force although he knew that wasn't allowed even though he was just a slave from the empire training to be a sith nothing that he really could do beside follow orders. It was like he misses his freedom being able to fly over the land with his jet board feeling the air blow against his face beside someone feeling some smelling breath of one of the masters that was yelling at him for the so many of times because he was doing something wrong like climbing ontop of the academy roof or attempting to explore one of the ruins without permission although he only did it out of curiosity of what is in it. The freedom wasn't the only thing he was missing he was also missing someone to talk to at least since there weren't allot of people around him and most of them only gave him orders he missed friends or someone that didn't tell him what to do missing. It is maybe weird for a sith to miss that but it could gave him a confidence booster to have a frienemi  or something to compete with to boost himself and make him do even greater things then just beating up dummies and reflecting incoming lasers with his lightsaber all the time 

[DreadPirateMike]

Welcome, to a galaxy of unbridled enchantment!  I DID see that comment in the cbox about how you hate waiting, so wait no more!  Here's how it works.  I shall go through, section by section, or in some cases grouping together a couple at once.  We shall start with

Name-Rank:

Birthplace: 1st of august

So, I can't find any mention of whether or not this is the name of a month in the Star Wars universe.  But I'm pretty darn sure it's not the name of any PLACE in the Star Wars Universe. 

Otherwise, you're good.

Height/Weight: I realize this isn't specified in the application template, but we like to keep these measurements in Imperial, just for consistency.  But these are otherwise fine.

Appearance: Okay, pretty good start!  I'd say...halfway there.  See, a complete appearance to me contains two elements.  Passive and ACTIVE appearance.  The first one, you've got just fine.  A combination of what appearance nature gave him, and how he's chosen to accentuate it with hairstyle, clothing style, tattoos, whatever.  I'm calling those things passive, because even if he's just lying on a bench taking a nap, those features are going to be there until he makes the effort to change them.  But by ACTIVE appearance, I mean the appearance he actively chooses to display from moment to moment, and this kind of overlaps with personality a bit, because it's how he displays that personality to people even without even opening his mouth.

For instance, the way you describe him in class, feet up on the desk and such?  Is that how he acts in general?  Slouching, just looking disinterested and apathetic in general?  Or does he maybe stand more erect in most cases, scowling, meeting people's gazes directly, trying to seem like a tough guy?  That's obviously just one possible example, but I trust you get what I mean.

Personality: This section's A Okay, though I will go ahead and warn you, that sort of attitude may give him cause for regret when it comes to some Sith instructors I know of!   Good luck, son.  

Ships/Vehicles: Yeah, as I said before, I think I'm gonna refer you to Fromikeable in the Tech section for this one.  Just so we know what kind of speeds, flight ceiling, etc we're talking about.  He can guide you through what's doable.

Lightsaber: Pretty standard.  But what color?  

Stats: Just fine.  Moving on.

Force Stats: MOSTLY fine.  But the Sith wouldn't be able to teach him Healing.  That's a light side ability, though there are some dark side abilities which can mimic its effects to an extent.  Also, there's the Body score.  Adept rating is actually pretty impressive for a teenager.  Not impossible (I got away with it myself in the case of my Selonian Padawan.   ) but definitely requires some further explanation.  More specifically a combination of a natural aptitude for it, and some actual time and effort spent honing it to that degree.

Combat Training: apprentice

Echani martial arts

You don't actually rate sections as a whole, but rather the individual skills listed in that category.  So, in this case, it should be Echani Martial Arts: Apprentice.  And depending on your intent, I might suggest something a little more commonplace, like Tae-Jitsu, if your intent is just for him to know some fancy SW martial arts.  Or Broken Gate.  That's essentially the Jedi art, but lots of Sith ARE former Jedi.  That's not to say Echani is off limits by any means, but it's a bit more specialized, not standard training for Jedi or Sith, and as such would require just a little more explanation for how he knows it.

Force Training: Most of what you have listed here is just standard applications of his various Force Stats, and don't need to be listed.  The only one that I'd say really stands out as special is maybe Force Grip, since it requires both control AND sustained force at a somewhat advanced level.  I'm inclined to say you can have that one, but at a Novice level.  In other words, at only apprentice level telepathy, he can lift someone off the ground if they're a regular human and not a 500 pound wampa, but with considerable effort, and not for too long.  It'd be the equivalent of lifting a heavy weight with his own arms.  Oh, and obviously no crushing every bone in their body.  That's grownup stuff, youngin'.  

Other Training: Okay, so as I said when you expressed having some trouble coming up with the bio, for every skill, you want a little bit in his life's story for how he came to possess that skill.  Jetboarding and low-g gymnastics are obviously covered, and engineering...sure, I guess I see that too.  If he was able to assist his dad in modifying the board, and he learned from his dad, presumably ship maintenance was included in there.  Still might be good to include that in with his home schooling stuff, though.  Piloting, I guess, is the only thing I don't see explained.  Did his folks let him fly the ship sometimes, despite his age?

Lightsaber Training: This section needs needs a little more editing.  For starters, I'm sorry, but the Juyo needs to go.  This site actually has fairly stringent requirements in place for that, to reflect what an advanced and demanding style it was in the lore.  A lightsaber duelist needs to have completely mastered Shii-Cho and two others before they can start learning that here.  Basically, Juyo user are all old.  

Even without that in there, though it still needs a little trimming down.  Sora's got training in nearly every lightsaber style.  Even at a novice level for most of them, it poses two problems.  One, it's just more than he's had time for.  General rule of thumb here is that mastering a single style means, on average, about ten years of work and study.  And two, dabbling just a little in every style but not being really GOOD at any of them isn't going to be terribly useful for going out and killing Jedi, which is what he's being trained for.  They'd want to make sure he was solid on Form I, the basis of all the rest, before they let him go experimenting with all the others.  And if you want him to be somewhat familiar with, if not quite an expert in the principles and mechanics of every style, that's generally what Niman is for.

So, I'm gonna say, keep the apprentice at Shii-Cho.  In fact, bump it up to Adept if you like.  Then, you can pick, say...two others.  Apprentice at one, novice at another.  Sound fair?

Biography: And at last we come to the meat of it.  Smuggler parents, eh?  Proud Nar Shadaa tradition, that.  But I may need a little help understanding their logic here.  Why are the willing to bring a toddler along on their smuggling runs, but not just set up some space for a nursery when he was a baby?  Sure, he can walk and such at 3, but he still needs food, a place to sleep, and all that, and it's still years before he can actually meaningfully help out around the ship.  And if their smuggling runs are dangerous, surely it's child endangerment in either case?  But anyway, they bring him along...oooh, another questions.

his parents teached him the small survival things like basic hand to hand combat, reading, writing and different languages

Which languages, and how well did he learn them?  Because if he's multi-lingual, that could totally go in the "Other Skills" section!  But anyway, he gets to school age, he practices his zero go gymnastics...what was the other sport, by the way?
 

Although when he got a break from school he had to go on smuggling jobs with his parents since they had no one to take care of him.

Was this a boarding school, then?  Anyway, as for all the jetboarding stuff, I'll leave all that stuff to Fro, and jump straight to his folks' last smuggling run.  Because I fear some particulars of the site lore may have tripped you up a little past that point.

the got caught by the imperial forces for smuggling weaponry for the rebels.

What rebels are you referring to?  Because I'm sure there totally COULD be some sort of revolt going on in Sith space, but if you mean the Rebel Alliance, we're still a few millennia early for that, back in the old Republic days.

pushed a gaurd away without touching him making a simple force push out of reaction not know how he did it he only knew he was angry at the guard.

This would be exceptional without any training, but maybe not IMPOSSIBLE by that age.  Something that dramatic wouldn't likely have been his very first indication that he was different somehow.  He'd have most likely experienced prophetic dreams, maybe picked up a stray thought somewhere, displayed superior reflexes...possibly his ability to fly that jetboard without killing himself!

When Sora got 14 years old they still kept him in his cell although after the found out he was force sensative they made a deal or he would be killed or he could go to the sith academy where he could learn to be a sith and they ways of the force. Sora took the opportunity to be a sith with both hands and got send towards the sith academy of Ryloth where he learns his ways of the force and still is right now at the age of 16 waiting in hope a master would take him under his wing to train him further

The timing here actually works, given that the Sith Order in its current incarnation has only been around for about three years.  The "Sith Empire" has been around longer, but up until recently, it had nothing to do with the actual Sith.  It's...confusing.  But my question is, if he Force Pushed a guard when he was 10, how did it take them 4 years to put together that he was Force Sensitive?  And once they did, why the eagerness to join the Sith?  Or was it just eagerness to not die?  And finally, Ryloth is a Republic World.  There is no Sith Academy there.  The planet you want would be Korriban.

Roleplay Sample: Okay, so the Ryloth bit isn't actually a problem here, since the sample doesn't actually state WHY he's there.  The problem is more that we don't actually get to see him DO much.  Mostly, you describe his physique, which I feel was adequately covered in the Appearance section.  

Don't get me wrong.  It's still a writing sample, but the main purpose of this section is to help us get a feel for the character by seeing him in action.  Reacting under stress, interacting with other people, that sort of thing.  All we really see him do here is run a bit and then cool off.  Not really much of a narrative here, y'know?  We're looking for something that sheds a little more light into what makes him unique as a character.



Whew!  Done!  I know, it's a lot to look at.  But don't be discouraged!  SWU does have some pretty daunting standards, and I've yet to let anyone through round 1 without SOME sorts of edits, but your goal is very much in reach!  Give it a once over, and I'll see you for round 2.  Eye of the tiger, dude!

[stoof]

i edited it and i hope it is good now

[DreadPirateMike]

Okay, some definite steps in the right direction!  We'll keep this one short and sweet.   First up, everything up through Personality is now good.  

Ships/Vehicles: You don't need to post the specs here.  Those belong in the tech app, which Fro will capably guide you through making.  But the board isn't critical to the character himself, so just post "Jetboard" here.  We'll get the character approved first, and then he can cruise around on his board once that's approved.  Sound good?  

- Lightsaber's fine.  

- Hijkata.  Nice.  

- I see you added a power to the Force Training section.

animal control/ beast control : apprentice

That is definitely a special power.  I'll need to see some explanation in the bio regarding how he learned it at his age, and what drew him to studying it (Not much time with wild animals, being raised on a ship and a city moon.) before I can approve that, I'm afraid.

- The languages are okay.  But rather than rating them all as one category, why not break them down individually, and indicate his degree of fluency in each?

- And, we come to the biography.  Most of the issues I pointed out have been resolved.  Well done.  Let's just go over his early indications of Force sensitivity, though.

Ones in a while Sora got restless when his dad went away on a trip like he could see what was happening there or when it got dangerous when he was sleeping

Cool.  A connection with his dad that he doesn't have the capacity to understand or control.  That could even be an interesting plot point for the character going forward.  

training force reflexes unintentionally since the reflexes he had to use to catch the high or the bars of the bridge he to be challenged every time he did something with allot of flips and spins slowly starting to learn the way of the force without knowing it

Force assisted, but unintentional and reflexes only.  Good.

During some spars he hit his opponent without even hitting them. He was sending out a small force push hard enough the feel like a punch or kick depending what he was using although it only happened when he was angry at someone

This one's too much for that age with no training.  Besides, that would have been noticed, conflicting with his later having no idea how he pulled off that force push on the guard.  Let's just stick with the first two, and you're good.

Also, regarding his imprisonment...

When Sora got 14 years old they still kept him in his cell although after the found out he was force sensative they made a deal

This still isn't explained.  They'd have known he was force sensitive since he was ten, when he used it to attack that guard.  Maybe it just took them that long to offer the deal, since there WAS no Sith Academy to send him to when he was first imprisoned?  

Anyway, that's it for the bio.

- Roleplay sample's a bit better.  It still just needs a little more to give us some sense of how you intend to play the character.  Something that gets some emotional response out of him, perhaps...a bit of dialogue would be a good choice too.  Just something to demonstrate the personality you describe in action.

And that's it!  Almost there!  

[stoof]

and edited it

[DreadPirateMike]

Good, good, good, good...good!  Go forth and sow your wild teen oats and all that.  Just watch out for Nieraan.  He's a mean SOB.  

ACCEPTED!

Accepted Stats:

Ships/Vehicles:
jet board


Equipment:
light saber (magenta color )


Stats:

Strength -average
Agility - above average
Intelligence -below average
Charisma- average


Force Stats:

Telekinetic-apprentice
Telepathic- apprentice
Body- adept
Sense- novice
Protection- novice
Healing:– unskilled
Destruction–apprentice


Combat Training:
hijkata: apprentice


Force Training:

force push/ pull: apprentice
force grip: novice
force speed: apprentice
force jump/ leap: adept
saber throw: novice


Other Training:

jet boarding: expert
low-g gymnastics: adept
engineering small ships: novice


multi language

Binary: adept
high galactic: adept
huttese novice
twi'leki: apprentice


Lightsaber Training:

Shii-Cho-adept
Makashi-untrained
Soresu-untrained
Ataru-untrained
Shien/Djem So-novice
>>Sub-form Backhanded- apprentice
Niman- untrained
>>Sub-form Jar-kai- untrained
Juyo- untrained
Double Bladed Combat- untrained